Recently, in a session with an Esoteric Healing practitioner, I was asked the question: “What would it feel like to not have the rush in your body?”
This simple question has changed my life because I knew the answer was – it feels delicious when I am not rushing.
I can feel a deep stillness and glow inside my body, which is hard to describe – it is the same feeling I get when I am being a ‘starfish,’ simply lying on my back in the sea or a lake, feeling the support of the water all around me and the sky above me.
I feel expanded, as if the molecules in my body are reaching out and joining with the molecules in the water and the particles in the sky. Writing this, I now understand that this feeling is a feeling of connection to the All –to God, to Nature, to all people and indeed to the whole Universe.
So I asked my self: “What does it feel like to have the rush in my body?”
Answer: It feels really horrible inside my body. It feels like I am on a roller coaster that never stops, such that I am in a constant state of ‘alert’. I have had this feeling inside my body for so long that I hadn’t even realised it was there – it is like a faint, almost imperceptible, underlying ‘buzz’.
Indeed, it was not until I consciously took my awareness to it, by asking myself this question many times during the day, that I understood that it was there most of the time… and that it feels so very unloving, un-joyful and the very opposite of expansive: rather, it feels like I am disconnected from everything around me, as if I am sitting to one side, watching the rest of the world go by, all alone with this constant, low-grade anxiety and tension.
Knowing the difference between the two is a revelation.
Now, during the day, whenever I can feel I am going into ‘rush,’ I stop and feel the effect this is having inside my body – and then I re-connect to my gentle breath and to my stillness, my be-ingness. In short, I choose to come back to me.
The difference this simple thing has made to my life is nothing short of amazing. For example, I have noticed that I often hold my breath when I am rushing, or breathe more quickly and more up in my chest, and very often I am not aware of my breath at all! When I am still, I am more connected to my breath and I have noticed that I breathe more evenly and my breaths are longer, deeper and gentle.
I can feel the gentle rise and fall of my body when I breathe this way, especially around my ribs. I have also observed that my shoulders rise up and my cheeks, eyes, eyebrow centre and jaw tighten when I am rushing and I feel a lot of tension in other muscles, such as my belly, lower back, neck and buttocks. When I am still, my muscles are relaxed, my jaw drops and my face softens.
This has become a great indicator for me, such that when I feel any of these signs of tension, I stop, drop back into my body and re-connect to how my body feels without the tension and rush.
Simple really – it is just a choice in each and every moment.
With deeply felt thanks and appreciation to Ingrid Ward, an Esoteric Healing practitioner, for framing the ‘rush’ in such a way that I felt it and understood it in my body, rather than just knowing it in my mind.
By Anne Scott, Accredited Mediator, Yoga Teacher, Exercise Instructor, Esoteric Healing Practitioner, Auckland, New Zealand