Finding and Expressing ‘The Words’

The words are within us but we often don’t know that. Until there comes a time when the ability to express is realised, we rely on others to bring together what it is we would like to say. Choosing the ‘right’ Birthday card, Mother’s Day card, Sympathy card – one that reflects what you want to say, the truth that you hold within but can’t get the words out. This has been my life, relying on others to say what I wanted to say!

So much going on inside my body but feeling there is no avenue in which to say it or express it and sitting in continual judgment of what I might say and how that will be received. I would not even consider putting it down on paper!

Of course this is one of the harsh judgments I have held of myself for such a long time, spending too much time trying to get it right, phrasing what I have to say, trying to get it ‘just right’ and not even entertaining the possibility that I might have something amazing to offer.

Lack of self-worth felt like a huge barrier to overcome, but only as huge as I allowed it to be. It was a barrier that I believed was real and that kept me from expressing outwardly but also stopped others from expressing their truth to me.

This was my life, living with a focus on getting it right and living by standards not set up by me but by the world as it was around me. Being good, being nice, and being caring was nothing but an airtight seal that allowed things to fester inside me: it blocked the connection and interaction I deeply craved and what I really felt inside and wanted to express. I came to realise that condemning myself for the choices I have made in my life serves no purpose for the life I am living now.

I used to live to be in control of everything happening around me because I believed that this would keep me safe, and keep safe those around me that I felt responsible for.

Chewing away at life in bite-size pieces in the days when my children were small, was what kept the door open while I waited for my life to begin. I was waiting for the love deep inside me to be met and recognised by others around me.

Little did I know then that I could choose at any moment to be that Love. I could choose to recognise the amazing being I was and am today, and feel the richness held within me.

Little did I know that all I had to do was to start to say what I felt inside to others, to let out the words and to not allow the fear of being rejected, losing loved ones or being attacked hold me back from expressing my truth.

The moment I started to claim this truth within myself was the moment the relationships around me started to blossom. The deeply felt truth, confirmation, and the richness of what I had capped in myself and others started to unfold.

It was the moment that the lid came off the jar that being good, being nice and being caring could be seen for what they were – a pretense and a barrier to truly connecting with myself and with others. A story created to stop me from being all that I am.

Choosing to hide and hold back had meant missing out on the amazing love and joy that is in, and around, me.

Accepting, surrendering and appreciating me have changed my world, my words and the way I express. The unfolding Grace that I am now experiencing and living every day is the substance of Miracles. As the fruit starts to ripen and the words start to find their way out, what impulses forth is the most amazing joy – I love being exposed, I love being out there for all to see.

Written with Deep Appreciation of the Living Way that Serge Benhayon and the Benhayon family have shared with us all – an open, loving and solid template on which to bring our tender unfolding to the world.

By Christine Hogan, Bendigo

Further Reading:
Learning to Express Our Feelings – Part 1
The Simplicity of True Expression: Inspired by Serge Benhayon
Truth – Expressing in Full

538 thoughts on “Finding and Expressing ‘The Words’

  1. This blog is a great support in sharing how many have changed their expression not for something different but back to what they know is true. So often we are so caught up in changing and worrying how that is perceived by others. If we all spoke from our natural ability would there be such a thing as disharmony in any interactions? Would there be a platform for ideals and beliefs to feed from?

  2. When we live from a place of connection to our bodies sand not from our heads expressing feels natural. It is when we live in our heads and allow thoughts of ‘not good enough’ or express from a place of fear of rejection or attack that we cap our expression and hold back what we feel.

  3. It is staggering to realise how much we can censor ourselves from saying what we feel for fear of rejection or disapproval from others. I started to question what exactly do they disapprove of. Change happens when people see that they have another choice so why would I hold back any part of myself?

    1. Spot on Nicole – we can so easily fall for watering down our expression and not fully sharing how we feel when what we have to say can trigger rejection or disapproval from another. Just the other day I found myself expressing to a friend how something they had done was not ok for me and they took it personally and so I found myself wanting to be apologetic! And yet in retrospect I know that what I was saying was true and simply calling another on their disregard in a clear but loving way. My old pattern was to apologise for what I knew to be true which is crazy – we should never have to apologise for truth! And so this was a great reminder for me to stand by the truth…and to trust that this friend will, with some space, understand and perhaps one day speak to me again. But at least I expressed and am learning more and more to lay boundaries around what does not feel right, which is something I have not much done in the past!

  4. Even when we finally realise that we have been holding back our words and then choose to speak up more, the slipping back into our old patterns can so easily reemerge and creep up on us without us noticing, and it is only when we get a reality check do we realise how much holding back we have really been doing. To get out of the behavioural pattern of holding back does take some work, but well worth the effect.

  5. “This was my life, living with a focus on getting it right and living by standards not set up by me but by the world as it was around me. Being good, being nice, and being caring was nothing but an airtight seal that allowed things to fester inside me” – Christine, you have touched on a common experience for many and I can relate to this too, especially the being ‘nice’ part. The being Nice might fit into our society as one who does not ruffle anyones feathers and always accommodates for others etc etc, however there is often a falseness that is associated with being ‘nice’. Nice is a word that actually makes me shudder these days, as I have come to realise that if someone or something is ‘nice’ – to me it often means meek, dis-empowered and un-true to self and others. And believe me I have done my fair share of being Nice which I am not particularly proud of and I still have to be very careful not to slip into that as a default pattern, which really would only happen if I ‘check out’ and am not myself to begin with. Thankfully I too have learned to re-connect to myself and speak up more and be honest, leaving the nice part behind and hence bringing much understanding and love to myself and my relationships – a far more refreshing way to relate! Thanks for this great reminder!

  6. I can also relate to what you write here, lack of self worth has held me back so much over the years and especially when it comes to expressing myself. I always found it strange how with some people I could express freely and then with others, if I felt inferior in any way I would often clam up.

  7. Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing to say, and there’s also time when I go into this kind of ‘waiting until I get it right then I will’ sort of holding back. But if we are truly a vehicle through which energy expresses, is it actually ever possible for us not to have anything to express? I must be putting so much effort into interfering with its flow to make it so plausible that I have an issue with expressing myself.

  8. This is such a familiar feeling for me – “kept the door open while I waited for my life to begin” – we wait for someone to start the life we are expecting, the picture we have subscribed to. Yet none ever comes along that gets it completely right. Perhaps there are moments of excitement that this might be ‘the person’, ‘the job’, ‘the one thing’ that will do it but rarely do we consider ourselves to be ‘the one’ to change our lives.Thank you for putting it out there.

  9. I can feel that I have accepted and appreciate myself so much more than I ever have and yet with this has come an awareness that I still have much deeper to go with it. It is like there are layers of playing small that I have habitually got used to and letting them go unveils another way of doing it…and living big and not hiding, but along side it I find another habit, more subtle, but no less about hiding….it reminds me that all of life is about learning not getting to an end point.

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