Reconfiguring the Energy of Abuse – all by a Simple Choice

Currently I have been working with a highly qualified and very well renowned Esoteric Practitioner and Physiotherapist Kate Greenaway-Twist on a Connective Tissue Exercise program.

Each month we have an online session where Kate shares different Connective Tissue Exercises to support my body. I have made the choice to commit to do these exercises every day and night, when I wake up and before I go to bed. I have found this to be an incredible support, and also the changes and expansion from these simple movements in my body is immense. Until last night I didn’t realise how much, as I tend to brush aside the grandness of things, thinking it’s no big deal.

Kate asked how this past month had been and I shared what has been going on for me. Lastly came a question about my pelvic floor area, an area I shared the previous month I was completely disconnected from; that I couldn’t, or in truth, didn’t want to feel.

This whole area I actually looked at – and have looked at – with disgust for around 20 years. Why? Because of the level of abuse I have allowed in my body by having sex with people I didn’t want to and when I didn’t want to, purely through a lack of self-worth, a need, and growing up thinking I would find love outside of myself from someone else or in a relationship, rather than inside me, and my relationship with myself.

What I shared with Kate was huge; through the simple choice to connect to my body and move, doing two Connective Pelvic Floor Exercises for a few minutes every day – nothing else – I actually feel absolute love in and for this whole area.

It feels a joy to connect to and feel this part of my body, and to be honest when I look down I now smile; there’s a warmth, a tenderness and a love there that I have never felt before, or at least not for a very long time. I can absolutely say I love this area of my body, it feels precious and I want to take care of it deeply.

To feel this, I didn’t have to go into analysing my past choices, or wallow in my woes, I simply made the choice to connect to this part of my body and move it in a different way, following the Connective Tissue Exercises with a very loving quality, every day.

If I can make a simple choice to change and reconfigure a more than twenty-year-old pattern of abuse in my body, then I can make a choice to change everything that’s not loving or supporting me. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

I have always heard and known the fact that everything is a choice, but until yesterday I have not felt this so clearly, simply and deeply in my body.

Inspired by the incredible Kate Greenaway-Twist and my pelvic floor.

by Gyl Rae, Teacher, 38, Scotland

Further Reading:
Listening To Your Body
Claiming Back My Body
Self-Care And Learning to Respect My Body

779 thoughts on “Reconfiguring the Energy of Abuse – all by a Simple Choice

  1. What is true about us, we access through the body. What is true about us, gets revealed to us when we are willing to leave behind the abusive way of connecting to ourselves that we had chosen.

  2. Thank you Gyl – this brings up a lot for me as I can relate to giving my power away to men in the past and wanting something from them to make me feel loved. So there is still a disconnect from my pelvic floor area because of how I had allowed myself to be treated. Your sharing is really huge and I love where you have come to – a point where you no longer have to associate that part of your body with the abuse you once said yes too.

  3. I would say the vast majority of us grow up living the lie which we are fed from very young which is to look for love outside of us rather than knowing that there is a deep well of love within each and everyone of us.

  4. It is really lovely to read about you, embracing a relationship with your body that is not based on projecting hurts and agendas on to it, but rather appreciating it for the support and innate qualities that it has.

  5. We grow up feeling that life is dished out to us and that we have little choice in the matter, when we do come to understand that we do indeed have choice, it seems amazing that we lived with so much disregard when we didn’t have to, all because of the choices we made. Change our choices to be loving ones and we change our lives to be so much more self honouring.

  6. I’ve been stuck in some old patterns for a while now, this is inspiring to read today, thank you.

  7. I personally have found each session I have had in Esoteric’s Connective Tissue therapy absolutely powerful and super beneficial. The impact It has had on my movements, choices and relationship with myself and others is profound.

  8. Until I had read this the first time, I hadn’t even considered what my relationship with that part of my body was like. Like you say, there’s a complete disconnection… I wonder how many of us go through our lives in this and considering it a normal.

  9. This is a beautiful testimony Gyl on the power of the Esoteric Connective Tissue therapy, these modalities bring so much awareness to our bodies and can bring true healing to any abuse we have allowed to impact on our bodies.

  10. How is it when we want truth bad enough it will present itself? Its a confirmation that we are more than how much and how often we sell ourselves short. And, the more you do know this in your body the more you can hold and, come back to it.

  11. It can be as simple as shared here, connect with our bodies, move them in a way that is tender and suddenly we find we have a whole new relationship with them, and with ourselves. Movement is so powerful and moving in presence and with quality changes everything.

  12. I am starting to wonder if the more we analyze our past choices and wallow in our woes, the more we indulge in the controlling emotion of them which stops us from healing and letting them go.

  13. Sometimes even for a moment we may get a nudge from a force that is not supporting us to try and make us feel that we cannot overcome what is there or see the grandness in something that is to be helped by us but this in truth is a lie for the beauty, strength and knowing is there in every movement and all we have to do is tap into and connect to it making life in every moment, not such a big deal as we may have first thought.

  14. Gyl, I love that you are sharing your experience of being aware of your pelvic floor and that you now feel a warmth and love for this area. Very inspiring, thank you; ‘I simply made the choice to connect to this part of my body and move it in a different way,’

  15. When we allow physical abuse our bodies become, as someone said to me recently, the scene of the crime. It is no wonder we struggle to connect with our bodies as we don’t want to connect or engage with this. How amazing therefore that in connecting to the body through connective tissue exercises, not only can we heal but we can completely expunge this energy from the body, opening up again to feeling precious and wanting to look after it!

  16. I agree Gyl, what a clear example that every moment we have a choice and how very strong and life changing every choice has on our well being and state of being.

  17. I can attest to the simple, yet profound nature of the connective tissue exercises as presented by Kate Greenaway-Twist, as I have also been working with her and practicing these as part of my daily rituals. It was amazing to feel how much more fluidity and spaciousness I have felt in my body when comparing the beginning and end of a session with Kate, which allows me to feel how I have been moving my body up to that point as a marker. So it is no surprise to me what Gyl has shared here regarding the clearing of an old issue of abuse in her pelvic area, because what Kate provides is an opportunity to tune into various parts of our body, gain a greater awareness of what is going on there, and release stored tension and hurts that have been buried in the connective tissue for in some instances a very long time. A truly powerful modality in so many ways.

  18. When we recognise that it is ourselves that have abused our own body we are able to feel the love and sacredness within that is always there calling us to reconnect.

  19. What movements can do! Showing us simply by connection what areas we have been avoiding not wanting to feel.. by virtue of this expose, we are offered to actually let go and re-imprint it with a new. Something that is truly supportive – connection, more of that.

  20. Wow, I had never considered that I may be in disgust with my pelvic floor. Yet, when I read what you have shared my pelvic floor began speaking. In my teenage years I was under the conviction that sex is just sex, and if you don’t let it get to you, it will not. But what I was actually doing by “not letting it get to me” was building a wall to not feel how deeply hurtful it is when I sought after the opposite sex and allowed the level of abuse you are describing here.

  21. The love is always present, it goes nowhere. We simply choose to disconnect from this and reconnecting is as simple as a movement. We do know how simply this is, which must be why we complicate everything so very much.

  22. There is much we hold in our bodies but not until we truly connect to it can we feel it. Whatever we hold needs to be felt before we can let go and make a different choice. No wonder the Connective Tissue exercises have such a profound impact as they support us in truly connecting with all parts of our body.

  23. I can feel changes in my body from consistently doing connective tissue exercises, they are so simple gentle but so powerful in healing by reconfiguring the patterns held in the body.

  24. This is so empowering Gyl – it is so easy to let things pass by without pausing to to confirm the grandness of a moment, however insignificant it may seem. This is the gold in our awareness and expansion.
    “I didn’t realise how much, as I tend to brush aside the grandness of things, thinking it’s no big deal”.

  25. Thank you Gyl for sharing so openingly your experience of abuse and your journey through healing. Our bodies can tell us so much we just need to be willing to listen, the healing starts when stop ignoring and instead start listening.

  26. Gyl, this is very gorgeous to read; ‘I actually feel absolute love in and for this whole area.’ I love how you make it clear that it is simply a choice to love our bodies and our different body parts and that we do not need to be critical of them or in disgust, it’s great that you went there and looked at this and have now changed the relationship you have with your body to one of being very loving – super inspiring.

  27. The fact is that all of us, well everyone that I know, has been subjected to abuse and has abused others and themselves in some way and to varying degrees in their life. We are all hurt by it and yet what you bring to light here is the power of making simple choices and the healing effect they can have. It’s deeply inspiring.

  28. I too have had Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy sessions with the amazing Kate Greenaway-Twist, I also do the exercises every single day and also like you Gyl “the changes and expansion from these simple movements in my body is immense.” I often amaze at the simplicity of the exercises but from the incredible changes in my body and my life I cannot deny the power of them. I know without a doubt that they will be exercises that will be part of my daily living until my last breath.

  29. I love your commitment and your willingness to clear and heal the self-abuse and to reconnect to that part of a woman’s body that most are not connected with. I have also found the connective tissue excercises a super support for my body.

  30. What you share here is very powerful Gyl. You have shown us precisely how love can transform us, when we are open to being honest about and healing our hurts, freeing us from living with pain be it physical or emotional, and allowing our real selves to emerge and be brought to life.

  31. We move around every day like our body is a stranger, a random collection of organs and bones we picked up along the way. It ‘does the job’ until it doesn’t any more. Then we get disappointed and angry – but do we ever truly connect to the tissue and cells, appreciate the job that they do and cherish the way we can express and move? Your words illustrate the amazing power every small movement of ours has Gyl. Thank you.

  32. Thank you Gyl, sharing such profound truth with us of what the energy of abuse is and so what actual love means – how it can play out and how we have the authority to stop it by our very willing movement of choice.

  33. To feel the flow of our Connectice Tissue is a very beautiful and powerful way to restore our body in a way that we can bring the divine flow back through our body to share with all.

  34. Our bodies are a great marker of all our choice, and will reveal to us how and where these choices have impacted it, and it then leaves it up to us as to whether we want to choose wiser choices or not. This is the hallmark of a true friend, which is indeed what our body truly is to us..

    1. So very true Elizabeth, the body is a great mirror or reflection of all our choices…. maybe why we do not really and truly look at ourselves in the mirror, like the body, the mirror never lies.

  35. Our body responds to deep care, the love and nurturing we bring to it and pays us back in kind, to the degree that it is physically and physiologically possible.

  36. ” I have always heard and known the fact that everything is a choice, but until yesterday I have not felt this so clearly, simply and deeply in my body.”
    What a huge learning , and what a wonderful way of re-claiming your power back thank you for sharing.

  37. How seemingly easy it would be to simply continue holding that abuse in the body. We don’t want to go there because it is so uncomfortable yet the result being that we walk around storing abuse and pain. As you shared, going there need not be a big deal. It can be uncomfortable but need not be a huge deal. Then we are left free.

    1. It certainly is a trick of the mind that has us believing that honesty and truth are more painful than living with our hurts. As when we are honest about and heal our hurts the game is over, and we are freed to live from the essence of who we are, rather that being owned by the hurts that we so are not.

  38. Unfortunately whilst we may say we don’t want abuse in our life it can become a familiar way of existing, and in that familiarity it can even feel ironically safe to be abused. This is a topic worth exploring as a society…

  39. I have been doing these Connective Tissue Exercises too. I find they are hugely supportive and helps me strengthen my lower back, supports me to feel my body and develop more body awareness.

  40. There are many forms of abuse, and what is abusive to one may not seem like it to another. Creating struggle in my life has been one of my favourite forms of self-abuse and has been how I deny myself of living my joy.

    1. Same here Thomas, creating struggle is for me a very old pattern and has crept in again for me to look at, because I can feel this tension and heaviness that is there and I feel anything but joyous.

  41. Gyl how much of our lives is filled with abuse can be quite staggering when we actually stop and reflect on it, what I love in your sharing is that its through the simple everyday movements that we heal that abuse and bring in a depth of love that is ever deepening.

  42. It is so true Gyl, nothing needs to be a big deal as it is simply a change in movement. We just need to address the way we walk, talk and the thoughts we allow ourselves to be influenced and entertained by.

  43. This shows the power of our movements in that by changing these we can bring about a deep healing for both ourselves and others.

  44. Gorgeous as by reconfiguring our body simply by our movement, the quality of our movements ( (which is an alignment) we can change the energy that we walk with.
    So how we move, in which way, magnifies energy: so when we open up to see what energy is moving us and wether this is actually a quality love or lovelessness- we can confirm that which is loving and change when our quality needs to be more loving.

  45. When we are in intense situations it is often hard to believe that a simple exercise or change in movement can bring you back to feeling amazing and yourself again. But it is true and I have experienced it many times, my thoughts are not always true and a change in movement always makes me feel different in myself.

  46. I too love Connective Tissue exercises, very gentle and tender exercises that are extremely powerful and healing for our bodies.

  47. This is awesome, feeling the consequences of what abuse you have allowed in your body and addressing the numbness that you subsequently have created there, only to find a tender sweetness that was living inside all along.

  48. How great that you can now feel love for more of your body, it is indeed precious and very wise, ‘I love this area of my body, it feels precious and I want to take care of it deeply.’

  49. We can never fall out of love with our body or parts of our body, but we can tolerate abuse or disregarding behaviours which introduce a foreign energy and this is then what we reject and don’t recognise as ‘us’.

  50. To fall in Love with an area of your body is to reclaim yourself and part by part which was separate, becomes a whole. Reclaiming our body, from misuse, ideas and hurts is critical to true healing.

  51. Connective tissue movements are so simple they seem they won’t change anything, but in complete contrast, they change everything.

  52. The pelvic floor is one of the most neglected parts of a woman’s body. We often disconnect from it as it holds the abuse we have allowed. It is a beautiful process getting to know it again and discover that it isn’t heavy or numb, I had just made it that way! When I now feel my pelvic floor, my body opens up and feels light and spacious.

  53. It just shows us how when we consistently and lovingly do something for ourselves and our body, even just for 2 minutes a day what changes can happen. Awesome.

  54. Gyl I feel that what you have shared is huge, the layers of abuse are very subtle, we know about the obvious abuse, but I am discovering the subtle abuse that happens constantly because there are layers of a lack of self-worth in as much that we do not love and fully appreciate just what magnificent beings we are. We have reduced ourselves so much we have entirely forgotten the grandness we come from, how devastating is that?

  55. That is very beautiful Gyl.
    It is amazing how we can change our lives by re imprinting all our movements which includes our behaviors.
    As all the behaviors leave an imprint in our body And this Can be re imprinted by loving movements even sometimes we need a while to re-imprint as a daily constant way.

  56. I can say that when I’ve (allegedly) wanted to get to the bottom of and clear my unloving behaviours and the way I go about it is sitting in the issue. But that doesn’t work and this blog reminded me that in moving with my body I get another angle on life without it being cathartic.

  57. What ever our age it is never too late to change the patterns that have been keeping us held in a certain way. That is why Esoteric Connective Tissue is so powerful, it re-aligns the body so that we can release these patterns and it often exposes behaviours that we may not have fully seen before.

  58. The power of Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy is amazing, I love what you share and how even with remote sessions you’ve been able to heal all the abuse through the quality of energy you now choose, and the support your body has in how to move in that way to keep that quality of energy.

  59. Many years ago Kate Greenaway supported me with her love, care and wisdom, in helping me with my back problems… or should I say establishing a relationship with my back. I still do the exercises we worked to this day, but more importantly it was understanding the relationship of how I move, how I use my body (especially when moving to a new house like this weekend) that has seen an enduring health and strength that I could only have dreamed of 10 years ago.

  60. If Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy (ECTT) exercises were able to support you to change your body image and self loathing issues, then I feel there is enormous potential for ECTT to support children and people worldwide with their body image and self worth issues also. ECTT could become part of psychological treatment plans.

  61. When we reconnect to and start honouring our body, major changes that could otherwise only be described as miracles happen naturally, to the degree that the physical body can still accommodate and support them.

  62. Many of us look at our problems or issues as insurmountable and I put my hands up for making things bigger than they actually are. It’s almost saying this thing is bigger and more powerful than me, and we contract and hide from it…. yet, as has been shown in this blog, nothing that we have done or that has happened is more powerful than us reconnecting to love…. it is as simple as that.

  63. I love the simplicity of this and how you didn’t have to go into the heavy analysis of your past choices to feel something, but just to decide to pay a bit more attention to that area of your body, and move in a different way.

  64. It’s funny how we all know that everything is a choice, but because we don’t really want to be 100% responsible for those choices, we pretend that sometimes things are out of our hands, or we sneak a little blame in, here and there. At least, this is something I know I have done. But we constellate all that goes on in our lives and we are solely responsible for our choices and what comes of them. It’s incredibly powerful to accept that.

  65. Connective tissue exercises in my experience are very powerful, what a great commitment to yourself to practise these on a daily basis, ‘It feels a joy to connect to and feel this part of my body, and to be honest when I look down I now smile; there’s a warmth, a tenderness and a love there that I have never felt before, or at least not for a very long time.’

  66. “If I can make a simple choice to change and reconfigure a more than twenty-year-old pattern of abuse in my body, then I can make a choice to change everything that’s not loving or supporting me. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.” This is so empowering Gyl. We have chosen our bodily changes and feelings we have, so we can reconfigure them to undo them too. We are amazingly powerful beings when we don’t give our power away.

  67. Thank you for sharing Gyl. This writing shows us the power and command we have over ourselves if we want to implement the power of free will with ourselves. Just lovely.

  68. I love what you’ve shared Gyl, the impact of a simple choice and how this can change an old pattern of abuse which was stored in your body just like any other pattern is. And the simple choice is the practical one but also the choice to deepen the love for yourself and take care of your body, this is why you could commit to this supportive connective tissue exercises program in the first place (I guess).

  69. When we choose to connect with our bodies we get to feel parts of ourselves that we have forgotten or ignored. In the re-connection, there is much joy and confirmation as it’s like all of those little cells are saying, yay, its time to celebrate.

  70. The simplicity of connection to our bodies uncovers much in regards to our choices, consistency and surrender. To then keep uncovering more and more of who we truly are is simply magic unto itself.

    1. Absolutely, and most of the time it reveals something completely different to what our mind has conjured up. As in, it simply wasn’t like that or simply didn’t affect us in the way we thought it did.

  71. It is amazing how we can get locked into thinking about things in a fixed way and we actually think we understand what is going on and therefore think we are justified in our behaviours no matter how abusive. When we bring understanding the truth is revealed which reveals the absurdity we were previously in, which offers an opportunity to truly choose freely once again.

  72. Every part and area of our body that we do not shun but rather embrace has a lot to reveal and from that connection, many lasting changes are possible.

  73. Being more connected to our bodies, allows us to feel so much more, I have had opportunities to really begin to feel the relationship I have with different parts of my body. It has ben surpassing what has been uncovered, fingers, arms, eyes, feet, my female areas, the front of my thighs…I have had an opinion about them and have been judgemental of them…this is a disconnection, acceptance and care is connection.

  74. It continues to fascinate me that making one change to our daily routine can have a massive impact on the rest of our lives. This has certainly been my experience, and demonstrates to me that life changing choices can be simple and achieved one small step at a time.

  75. Our bodies are responsive to our choices which is such a great blessing which I am learning to appreciate more and more each day…

  76. Great what you share about how we can reimprint or shift energy, patterns in our body through movement and awareness, without the ‘wallow and woes’, very liberating to consider healing in this way.

  77. Thank you Gyl for your blog. I can feel the power of your commitment and the healing that it brings with your daily Connective Tissue practice. This is very inspiring!

  78. Recognising our part in allowing abuse is key, for otherwise the only alternative option is to blame which never truly supports ourselves or anyone else.

    1. Taking responsibility for the abuse we have allow into our body is deeply loving. Blaming ourselves or others is never healing but this simply perpetuates and feeds the abuse even more. Once I understood this, I started to let go of abuse in my life.

      1. This is such a huge learning and needs to be so appreciated. In this, we call a stop to the rot and halt the endless cycle of blame and recrimination. Not only does taking responsibility for the abuse we have allowed important for our own evolution, but it supports others in that we are not dumping our emotions and frustrations on them, giving them space also to feel where they are at. In that space, we are inviting them also to step up and take responsibility for their hurts in turn.

  79. Your blog reveals how we’ve made life so complicated by not listening to our body and to connect to the truth it shares. The power of some simple movements reconfiguring what has been there for years and years is incredible and to be appreciated as you do.

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