All of my life I have felt moments when my connection to me was so strong that it allowed me to make choices that were significant markers in my life.
Once I was offered drugs at a party when I was about 15. I clearly remember stopping and standing there and thinking that I don’t smoke so why would I want to smoke marijuana. It felt like I was being offered a moment to stop. It wasn’t just about having a smoke or taking drugs, it was far greater… it was about making a choice that would affect the rest of my life. I was never offered drugs again.
These moments that occur in our lives are like signposts along the way. We are given an opportunity to make choices that have the potential to change our lives forever.
By being aware of these moments and this connection in me, I was able to see things differently. I didn’t react to life in the usual way. There was a clarity in what I was seeing.
After my first marriage ended I remember one night having a glass of wine while watching TV and when one of my children went to the kitchen to get something I asked if they would get me another glass of wine. I distinctly remember in a flash seeing my life projected in front of me. I could choose to drink another glass of wine (drown my sorrows) or I could choose to stop. I called out to not get me another drink. This moment was so clear and I can feel the power in my choice, knowing deep down that what I felt was about far more than having another glass of wine.
Another time one of my children lied to me. At the time I knew that there was something much bigger at play here. I couldn’t express what it was that I was feeling, other then a deep knowing in me that told me I needed to be firm and so I grounded her for 6 months to stop what was going on. This was something that I would not have previously done but I knew deep down that what I was doing felt so loving.
A few weeks after the grounding I took her lunch to school as she had forgotten it. When I got there she was sitting in the lunch area on her own; I found out that she was sitting alone every day. I remember feeling upset that she was alone, but this did not make me want to change my mind. It felt like I was given another opportunity to stay committed to the choice that I had made. At the end of the 6 months I could feel a real difference in her; she was no longer following what others were choosing to do and was far more independent and had gained a strength and confidence in herself. She no longer felt driven by the opinions of others. To me this was a confirmation of choosing to trust my feelings.
One day as I was getting out of my car I had a feeling of a strength and power in my body. I looked down as I was walking – I remember looking at my shoes and what I was wearing and wondering what it was. I could feel something very different in the way I was walking, how I was stepping. Something felt very powerful, I felt a solid strength in my body, it was not anything on the outside, it was a feeling on the inside that felt different. I wondered what this feeling was and why it would come and go, and why it was not something that I felt all the time.
Years later I heard someone talking about a man called Serge Benhayon – in that moment I knew that I wanted to see him. I didn’t know why, but I knew that nothing was going to stop me.
Since then and through Serge’s teachings I have discovered that this powerful feeling that I have is my connection to me, the power-fullness that I have felt comes from stopping and reconnecting with myself. With every choice that I make I have the power to choose different paths in my life. I feel this is what I have felt in the moments that I have stopped and had a clear picture of how my life could be if I made a choice that was not a loving choice.
Serge Benhayon has shared The Gentle Breath Meditation™ as a way of reconnecting. With this conscious presence we can bring a quality to everything we do in our lives. I feel it was this quality that I felt as I got out of the car and connected to my body. With this connection I have learnt to love and care for myself and not leave me until last. This choice has allowed me to strengthen my awareness and connection so that now these moments are becoming a more consistent way of living with myself each day.
As a child I remember lying in the sun on our veranda with my eyes closed and feeling this beautiful feeling – a warmth in my body as the sun was shining on me. Years later when I remembered this moment I had a feeling that this was what everything came back to. I did not understand at the time but now I know that it was about returning to a love that was deep within me.
When I stop to connect to me, I am connecting to something that is far grander.
It is an absolute connection to everyone and everything beyond me. That is the glorious feeling inside me, my connection to the all.
By Denise Cavanough, BW (beauty-full woman), Living Expression, Brisbane
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