Relating to Women as a Man

As I’m writing this I’m on a weekend away with a male friends’ group, who have known each other for nearly 28 years (two I have known for over 35 years). In the past few years I’ve been reconnecting to them as I could feel that even though I’ve made a lot of different choices, I missed them and love them dearly. The absolute beauty is how they’ve welcomed me back without reservation, having missed me too. Being on this weekend away with me is highlighting how much I express what I truly feel and how much I hold back. A beautiful journey within a journey.

This experience made me appreciate how far I have come in terms of how I now relate to women and how I used to relate to them. Women (in my experience, at least), have often been a favourite topic to talk about or comment on. These talks or comments in the past were usually about looks and/or were often sexually related.

Even writing about this now brings up embarrassment for me. Up until now I’ve only expressed a little about how I felt about this but not really discussed it, nor claimed how this truly feels. I could share and express so much more as I’ve learned a lot since last June, when my belief that I was ‘better’ than women was exposed in one of the sessions during a Universal Medicine Esoteric Healing course. This was due to the caring support and consistent and firm communication with the person I was working with, who kept encouraging me to feel this belief that I held within my body. I remember how I really needed to choose honesty and make the choice to deeply connect to my body. Since this time, much has been revealed and when I woke up this morning, I had the following realisations:

  1. I actually would love to be honoured and loved in the most honouring and loving way possible.
  2. We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.
  3. If I don’t share what I’ve learned, I’m telling myself that Love isn’t important.
  4. By not sharing what I’ve learned, I shy away from responsibility.
  5. By being silent, I’m allowing the inequality between men and women in everyday society and making my life about me, not about all of us and everything around us.
  6. Do I want the next generation of women, who are growing up now, experiencing the same when they are in their teens?
  7. Do I want the next generation of men to check out, harden, harass and bully just as much (or more) than I did?
  8. Or do I want to contribute to how warm, loving, intimate, equal, unfolding, joyful and loving the relationship between women and men can be – without any sexual hooks?

I’m experiencing some very special relationships with women of different ages, which are to me incredible and very precious. Writing about the preciousness is very touching to me, as these relationships are very dear to both myself and to the women.

Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?

I’ve been playing the game of independence all my life (or at least as long as I can remember) – the game of protecting my individuality and telling the world to “leave me alone.” However, what I’m craving most is to be met, loved and cared for. It’s so wondrous that the more I care for and love myself, the more I’m able to drop my self-protective stance and let women (and men) in.

The ‘results’ are amazing and follow naturally. By letting in women and their many different expressions of love, and by expressing my own love and affection, I have felt more honouring and appreciation than I have ever felt in my life before.

This is deepening every day. I still feel quite vulnerable and I am, at times, confronted with a lot of distrust within myself, but I’m much more able to discern what is true love and appreciation from what is not, and with that I’m learning to let true love and appreciation in, surrendering and deepening the acceptance that I am indeed a precious and loving being myself.

There’s so much appreciation for both myself and for the women and men around me for having the courage, love, care and patience to support me by sharing their lives and love with me. And a special thank you to my friends who have inspired me to write this.

By Floris van der Schot, Career Coach, Life Coach, Practitioner Esoteric Healing and Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy, Business Consultant in Evolution in Work and Education, Zutphen, The Netherlands.

** As a man I am deeply tender, caring and loving. I love my roles as a father, friend, brother, son, colleague, fellow brother of life, philosopher and as a son of God. I’m in awe with people and the communication and relationships between them – which to me is true religion and science.

Further Reading:
What is Intimacy?
Learning to Love Women and Men
A Sharing for Men About Women
The beauty of loving women. Women loving and honouring women is a lost art – be reminded how glorious it is.

575 thoughts on “Relating to Women as a Man

  1. When a man allows himself to receive the delicateness and preciousness of a woman he is at the same time allowing those qualities within himself to be ignited.

  2. Reading this touched me deeply. It connected to me to a truth that you write of, is how we are meant to live. We are divinely designed to be open, transparent, and loving with each other. And when we don’t live that way, it cripples us, in ways bigger than we will ever know.

    1. The more we are willing to be honest and not hold back the quality we live we are give another the permission to feel the safety from within.

  3. I love what you are sharing here Floris, and I particularly like how you say “We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.” This is so beautiful and simple and not at all complicated, realising that alone is the fast lane back to ones tenderness and warmth as it is then just a matter of dropping the many layers that cover this exquisiteness and true nature of ourselves.

  4. The way men are educated by society to view, approach and look at women is far from their natural expression and for a man to come to a point where he is connected enough to himself to admit that the way this has been is not true and to then express the tender, caring and sensitivity he holds within is what the true strength and bravery of a man is about.

  5. The game of independence is merely another form of the deceptive game of individuality that keeps us not only separated from each other, but from living the potential true collaboration we are all capable of together.

  6. I just felt a deep sense of appreciation from what you shared. You showed that connection is so much what we yearn for as humans and that when we meet each other in that space a whole other awareness opens up.

  7. This is deeply beautiful Floris van der Schot. Its like a parable. It presents how you should express the love between men and women and hence denote why it is not always there. You could write this into something for all removing the personal so to speak so it could be a foundation of the adoration we naturally have for whatever partner male or female we prefer. Very touching .. thank you Floris I feel like reading it again.

  8. When a man honours his own sensitivity and then meets a woman in this and is able to adore and honour her, it is a very beautiful experience. I deeply love when men treat me in this way- it confirms all I am and all they are too.

  9. “I’m learning to let true love and appreciation in, surrendering and deepening the acceptance that I am indeed a precious and loving being myself.” it all starts with us developing a deep love for ourselves realising that we are worth loving, we are love, and sharing our love with all others, knowing that they too are love in their innermost being. thank you Floris for a beautiful sharing.

  10. “I’ve been playing the game of independence all my life (or at least as long as I can remember) – the game of protecting my individuality and telling the world to “leave me alone.” How common is this?! Yet we are quick to complain about others and their behaviour towards us. The kindness of turning our attention inward to be honest about how we feel about ourselves first and foremost is so powerful. We run away from fragility yet, in truth, we should run towards it because that is closer to the essence of who we are and work so hard to cover up.

  11. I am absolute loving developing more , intimate, equal, unfolding and joyful loving the relationship between the opposite sex – with no sexual energy involved. I feel this evolution has come about from getting to know myself and therefore being able to be open and to truly trust another.

  12. “By being silent, I’m allowing the inequality between men and women in everyday society and making my life about me, not about all of us and everything around us.” – This was a stand-out claim to read for me, Floris, and inspiring as well, because I can now feel how there are many times when I have come to a greater understanding or awareness of something in my life, but tend to hold it to myself sometimes out of either fear of it not being accepted or even worse, that I will be rejected or criticised for sharing it if it challenges people too much.

  13. Beautiful Floris, and yes a question worth pondering, ‘Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other? ‘ Honouring and appreciation is natural for us.

    1. Because generally people are very uncomfortable showing any kind of emotion. Most of us operate on a very superficial level most of the time, it’s as if we’re scared to feel but the tension that this way of living is exorbitant and prevents us from accessing the true riches of this world. Allowing ourselves to feel and express is actually a blessed relief, as well as being our natural way.

    2. The protection we carry from being hurt makes admitting we care for another a point of danger hence to unwillingness to do so. Yet the freedom from letting down that guard is incredibly healing.

      1. Agree, the protection we carry is what actually hurts us the most, though when we do let down our guard we have the opportunity to be met with all the love we were keeping at bay.

  14. Beautiful blog Floris, thank you. You make many great points; this one “We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.” made me think how a lot of us as women also don’t accept our own fragility! But the more that we do we inspire one another to remember to be true to who we are, both men and women, and not ignore our innate sensitivity.

    1. Yes our sensitivity allows us to ‘see’ and feel everything in life. Words such as fragility and sensitivity are often misinterpreted to be signs of weakness whereas in truth they are strengths.

      1. sensitivity and vulnerability are definitely strengths as they support us to deal with all that comes before us in ways our minds could not think of. And so they do not weaken us but support us in being all of who we are in life.

      2. Yes I agree, our body’s register everything we feel and when we truly listen and not override what is felt we have the opportunity to bring a greater understanding to our selves and others in life.

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