Relating to Women as a Man

As I’m writing this I’m on a weekend away with a male friends’ group, who have known each other for nearly 28 years (two I have known for over 35 years). In the past few years I’ve been reconnecting to them as I could feel that even though I’ve made a lot of different choices, I missed them and love them dearly. The absolute beauty is how they’ve welcomed me back without reservation, having missed me too. Being on this weekend away with me is highlighting how much I express what I truly feel and how much I hold back. A beautiful journey within a journey.

This experience made me appreciate how far I have come in terms of how I now relate to women and how I used to relate to them. Women (in my experience, at least), have often been a favourite topic to talk about or comment on. These talks or comments in the past were usually about looks and/or were often sexually related.

Even writing about this now brings up embarrassment for me. Up until now I’ve only expressed a little about how I felt about this but not really discussed it, nor claimed how this truly feels. I could share and express so much more as I’ve learned a lot since last June, when my belief that I was ‘better’ than women was exposed in one of the sessions during a Universal Medicine Esoteric Healing course. This was due to the caring support and consistent and firm communication with the person I was working with, who kept encouraging me to feel this belief that I held within my body. I remember how I really needed to choose honesty and make the choice to deeply connect to my body. Since this time, much has been revealed and when I woke up this morning, I had the following realisations:

  1. I actually would love to be honoured and loved in the most honouring and loving way possible.
  2. We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.
  3. If I don’t share what I’ve learned, I’m telling myself that Love isn’t important.
  4. By not sharing what I’ve learned, I shy away from responsibility.
  5. By being silent, I’m allowing the inequality between men and women in everyday society and making my life about me, not about all of us and everything around us.
  6. Do I want the next generation of women, who are growing up now, experiencing the same when they are in their teens?
  7. Do I want the next generation of men to check out, harden, harass and bully just as much (or more) than I did?
  8. Or do I want to contribute to how warm, loving, intimate, equal, unfolding, joyful and loving the relationship between women and men can be – without any sexual hooks?

I’m experiencing some very special relationships with women of different ages, which are to me incredible and very precious. Writing about the preciousness is very touching to me, as these relationships are very dear to both myself and to the women.

Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?

I’ve been playing the game of independence all my life (or at least as long as I can remember) – the game of protecting my individuality and telling the world to “leave me alone.” However, what I’m craving most is to be met, loved and cared for. It’s so wondrous that the more I care for and love myself, the more I’m able to drop my self-protective stance and let women (and men) in.

The ‘results’ are amazing and follow naturally. By letting in women and their many different expressions of love, and by expressing my own love and affection, I have felt more honouring and appreciation than I have ever felt in my life before.

This is deepening every day. I still feel quite vulnerable and I am, at times, confronted with a lot of distrust within myself, but I’m much more able to discern what is true love and appreciation from what is not, and with that I’m learning to let true love and appreciation in, surrendering and deepening the acceptance that I am indeed a precious and loving being myself.

There’s so much appreciation for both myself and for the women and men around me for having the courage, love, care and patience to support me by sharing their lives and love with me. And a special thank you to my friends who have inspired me to write this.

By Floris van der Schot, Career Coach, Life Coach, Practitioner Esoteric Healing and Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy, Business Consultant in Evolution in Work and Education, Zutphen, The Netherlands.

** As a man I am deeply tender, caring and loving. I love my roles as a father, friend, brother, son, colleague, fellow brother of life, philosopher and as a son of God. I’m in awe with people and the communication and relationships between them – which to me is true religion and science.

Further Reading:
What is Intimacy?
Learning to Love Women and Men
A Sharing for Men About Women
The beauty of loving women. Women loving and honouring women is a lost art – be reminded how glorious it is.

470 thoughts on “Relating to Women as a Man

  1. It is truly beautiful to feel you connect to and express you from an honesty and vulnerability that is deeply healing from all who read this. So many of us deny these innate qualities at our own expense and the expense of a world that desperately needs the reflection of a way of being we should all in fact be embracing… our responsibility in this should never be forgotten, for the enormity of what we bring and the healing it offers us all is truly incredible.

  2. I See so many men, when I am in the workshops of Universal Medicine, changing into very tender beautiful men and realising how that was always there and how we as women was part in that game in which we wanted men to be tuff, to support us. In stead in supporting them to bring that tendernes they natural are.

  3. The level of love we have for ourselves is the level of love we allow to see and feel from others. Regardless of how much other people love us, if we are not able to love ourselves, we can’t actually allow the love from others to truly come in, in full.

  4. ‘Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?’
    Good question – it usually take a catastrophe to bring the world together in aid and realise that we are all people living life on the same planet! But, to live in a way that honours how much we really do love each other would expose war, expose racism, nationalism and most religions that seek to separate and control mankind. If the majority moved back to a way of love with each other – minorities would no longer be governing and categorising our relationships.

  5. I still love that line you’ve written Floris that “We, as men, adore women…” Such a beautifully tender and truthful statement that is important to remember. Deep down this is true for every man, as is the reciprocal true for every woman.

  6. It is great to have this discussion with absolute honesty in how men see women and also how women see men, as currently in the world we have so much abuse alongside ill beliefs, ideals, behaviours and patterns. As a woman only today I could see that the natural essence within men is so so tender, sweet and gentle but they do not allow this completely out or allow others completely in from a fear or being either rejected or to have these innate qualities abruptly dismissed. If we truly gave each other space, respected others and were willing to let our guards and layers or protection down letting our love out and others in so so much would change within the world.

  7. “By letting in women and their many different expressions of love, and by expressing my own love and affection, I have felt more honouring and appreciation than I have ever felt in my life before.” Honesty plus openness equals intimacy and that’s the most loving mathematical equation we can all work on together. Thank you Floris.

  8. The full expression of what we know to be true, and what we are learning as we develop in life, allows others the opportunity to consider if that is also true for them. Without that expression, no such opportunity exists.

  9. You write about the fragility of women that as men, ‘we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.’ Sadly, as women, all too many have also forgotten how to be with this also. Reconnecting to our own fragility as women and as men feels like a road well worth the travel.

  10. “By letting in women and their many different expressions of love, and by expressing my own love and affection, I have felt more honouring and appreciation than I have ever felt in my life before.” It is indeed a two way street Floris, and one that is so worth going down as we can only benefit. Only by opening ourselves up and expressing our own love are we truly able to let another in and in return feel the depth of love that is on offer to us all the time.

  11. “Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?” because we don’t want to get hurt. We would also have to feel the full extent of the love we have walked away from and don’t live.

  12. The pressure placed on men by women to be aggressive and tough as women harden and compete in the workforce and life in general has taken its toll on the health and well-being of humanity. It is refreshing to meet men and women in the community who are letting go of their walls of protection and reconnecting to the tenderness and love we all innately are.

  13. Thank you, Floris for writing what is so palpable to many men and women.. The more transparent we bring up these things the easier it is to resume our equalnes and let everything go that is not that. Super easy once we let go of any extractions away from the truth (distractions, shame, game, emotions etc.). So awesome to read by this blog that it is possible and that how much we open up and let go is in our own hands.. Let’s use our power wisely.

  14. We all want to be loved and cared for, this is with out a doubt true. To let this in from another we need to care for and love our self first, this builds a sense of self worth. Otherwise, we often do not allow ourself to be loved and cared for, as we do not feel worthy to receive what is on offer.

  15. Becoming aware of how much I hold back expressing love to another especially my husband has been quite revealing but the more I am becoming aware of it the more I am expressing. Our behaviours can be so ingrained but as I develop my awareness through connecting to my body I am beginning to let go of the behaviour of holding back to naturally express the love that I am.

  16. When we confirm another for who they are we confirm ourselves equally so…perhaps this is one of the reasons why we hold back expressing our love for others.

    1. And until we deeply love and appreciate ourselves and confirm the Love we know we are, we will never truly see this in another.

  17. Thank you Floris for sharing and showing that it is ok to feel what we feel and explore it without judgement but with astuteness and love.

  18. Sometimes, I get the feeling that men love women more than women love men. To feel just how much a man really appreciates a woman is something out of this world because most of the time women are not appreciating themselves AT ALL!

  19. Am I stable, connected and solid in myself? Or am I sad, disappointed and looking emotionally for others to validate me? For a lot of my life I have been in camp no. 2 and so this has meant the connections that have been there with women have got twisted into stimulants to make me feel better, to pick me up when nothing else will do. It’s such a shame that this addiction and craving got in the way as it absolutely stops me from building true friendships. We all, women and men have so much to share and bring. It’s a crime as you show Floris that we tend to live divided and segregated in such a profound way.

  20. It is true that we all know Love and yet we are too busy seeking it from outside and waiting for it to arrive on our doorstep without firstly living the Love we know we are.

  21. As a woman it is incredibly beautiful to hear a man speak with such delicateness and reflect on the past with such honesty. One can easily see that through being truly tender with one another that relationships between men and women will completely shift as our willingness to understand one another opens up.

  22. Men and women are all people. We all want to be loved. We all want to live a joyful and purposeful life.

  23. True – why is it that we express a far less to each other, if at all. How is it that we dont express deep honour, appreciation and adoration of each other when this is what is felt and water it down, dismiss it or replace it with a harsher alternative? It is deeply important for us to express the truth to each other and in this, allow each of us to be openly loving and beholding of each other.

  24. When we allow our love within to guide us we discover the majesty of who we are is worth deeply honouring, as it confirms who we all equally are in essence. It is when we resist this love that we find ourselves behaving in ways that creates tension in our lives and as such between us. In surrendering to the love we all innately are we soon realise that every relationship we share offers us the opportunity to learn, grow and evolve to a deeper relationship within ourselves, and so with all others. It is through the beautiful ever-expanding movement of divine love, and the practice of appreciation and confirmation, that serves to deepen our connection to the power of Brotherhood.

  25. Floris it so beautiful how you have expressed so honestly and openly your relationship with God and how your connection and communication has unfolded with others. The truth is when we connect to the divinity within us its all there for all of us. Key is to allow and surrender to this amazing connection.

  26. It really does take courage for men to open up with each other when this has not been the normal, even in a text conversation with an old friend this morning I could feel a measuring of what would be acceptable in terms of talking about feelings rather than facts. But it is all practice and nothing needs to be perfect.

  27. It is true that in order to allow true love and appreciation in our lives, we must first recognise it and accept this within ourselves for we are each Love and of the same true energetic quality.

  28. The group energy especially in male friendship circles can be destructive to say the least. It was a blessing for all of them to have you providing your reflection for that weekend.

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