Relating to Women as a Man

As I’m writing this I’m on a weekend away with a male friends’ group, who have known each other for nearly 28 years (two I have known for over 35 years). In the past few years I’ve been reconnecting to them as I could feel that even though I’ve made a lot of different choices, I missed them and love them dearly. The absolute beauty is how they’ve welcomed me back without reservation, having missed me too. Being on this weekend away with me is highlighting how much I express what I truly feel and how much I hold back. A beautiful journey within a journey.

This experience made me appreciate how far I have come in terms of how I now relate to women and how I used to relate to them. Women (in my experience, at least), have often been a favourite topic to talk about or comment on. These talks or comments in the past were usually about looks and/or were often sexually related.

Even writing about this now brings up embarrassment for me. Up until now I’ve only expressed a little about how I felt about this but not really discussed it, nor claimed how this truly feels. I could share and express so much more as I’ve learned a lot since last June, when my belief that I was ‘better’ than women was exposed in one of the sessions during a Universal Medicine Esoteric Healing course. This was due to the caring support and consistent and firm communication with the person I was working with, who kept encouraging me to feel this belief that I held within my body. I remember how I really needed to choose honesty and make the choice to deeply connect to my body. Since this time, much has been revealed and when I woke up this morning, I had the following realisations:

  1. I actually would love to be honoured and loved in the most honouring and loving way possible.
  2. We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.
  3. If I don’t share what I’ve learned, I’m telling myself that Love isn’t important.
  4. By not sharing what I’ve learned, I shy away from responsibility.
  5. By being silent, I’m allowing the inequality between men and women in everyday society and making my life about me, not about all of us and everything around us.
  6. Do I want the next generation of women, who are growing up now, experiencing the same when they are in their teens?
  7. Do I want the next generation of men to check out, harden, harass and bully just as much (or more) than I did?
  8. Or do I want to contribute to how warm, loving, intimate, equal, unfolding, joyful and loving the relationship between women and men can be – without any sexual hooks?

I’m experiencing some very special relationships with women of different ages, which are to me incredible and very precious. Writing about the preciousness is very touching to me, as these relationships are very dear to both myself and to the women.

Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?

I’ve been playing the game of independence all my life (or at least as long as I can remember) – the game of protecting my individuality and telling the world to “leave me alone.” However, what I’m craving most is to be met, loved and cared for. It’s so wondrous that the more I care for and love myself, the more I’m able to drop my self-protective stance and let women (and men) in.

The ‘results’ are amazing and follow naturally. By letting in women and their many different expressions of love, and by expressing my own love and affection, I have felt more honouring and appreciation than I have ever felt in my life before.

This is deepening every day. I still feel quite vulnerable and I am, at times, confronted with a lot of distrust within myself, but I’m much more able to discern what is true love and appreciation from what is not, and with that I’m learning to let true love and appreciation in, surrendering and deepening the acceptance that I am indeed a precious and loving being myself.

There’s so much appreciation for both myself and for the women and men around me for having the courage, love, care and patience to support me by sharing their lives and love with me. And a special thank you to my friends who have inspired me to write this.

By Floris van der Schot, Career Coach, Life Coach, Practitioner Esoteric Healing and Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy, Business Consultant in Evolution in Work and Education, Zutphen, The Netherlands.

** As a man I am deeply tender, caring and loving. I love my roles as a father, friend, brother, son, colleague, fellow brother of life, philosopher and as a son of God. I’m in awe with people and the communication and relationships between them – which to me is true religion and science.

Further Reading:
What is Intimacy?
Learning to Love Women and Men
A Sharing for Men About Women
The beauty of loving women. Women loving and honouring women is a lost art – be reminded how glorious it is.

528 thoughts on “Relating to Women as a Man

  1. It is truly beautiful to feel you connect to and express you from an honesty and vulnerability that is deeply healing from all who read this. So many of us deny these innate qualities at our own expense and the expense of a world that desperately needs the reflection of a way of being we should all in fact be embracing… our responsibility in this should never be forgotten, for the enormity of what we bring and the healing it offers us all is truly incredible.

  2. I See so many men, when I am in the workshops of Universal Medicine, changing into very tender beautiful men and realising how that was always there and how we as women was part in that game in which we wanted men to be tuff, to support us. In stead in supporting them to bring that tendernes they natural are.

  3. The level of love we have for ourselves is the level of love we allow to see and feel from others. Regardless of how much other people love us, if we are not able to love ourselves, we can’t actually allow the love from others to truly come in, in full.

  4. ‘Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?’
    Good question – it usually take a catastrophe to bring the world together in aid and realise that we are all people living life on the same planet! But, to live in a way that honours how much we really do love each other would expose war, expose racism, nationalism and most religions that seek to separate and control mankind. If the majority moved back to a way of love with each other – minorities would no longer be governing and categorising our relationships.

  5. I still love that line you’ve written Floris that “We, as men, adore women…” Such a beautifully tender and truthful statement that is important to remember. Deep down this is true for every man, as is the reciprocal true for every woman.

  6. It is great to have this discussion with absolute honesty in how men see women and also how women see men, as currently in the world we have so much abuse alongside ill beliefs, ideals, behaviours and patterns. As a woman only today I could see that the natural essence within men is so so tender, sweet and gentle but they do not allow this completely out or allow others completely in from a fear or being either rejected or to have these innate qualities abruptly dismissed. If we truly gave each other space, respected others and were willing to let our guards and layers or protection down letting our love out and others in so so much would change within the world.

  7. “By letting in women and their many different expressions of love, and by expressing my own love and affection, I have felt more honouring and appreciation than I have ever felt in my life before.” Honesty plus openness equals intimacy and that’s the most loving mathematical equation we can all work on together. Thank you Floris.

  8. The full expression of what we know to be true, and what we are learning as we develop in life, allows others the opportunity to consider if that is also true for them. Without that expression, no such opportunity exists.

  9. You write about the fragility of women that as men, ‘we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.’ Sadly, as women, all too many have also forgotten how to be with this also. Reconnecting to our own fragility as women and as men feels like a road well worth the travel.

  10. “By letting in women and their many different expressions of love, and by expressing my own love and affection, I have felt more honouring and appreciation than I have ever felt in my life before.” It is indeed a two way street Floris, and one that is so worth going down as we can only benefit. Only by opening ourselves up and expressing our own love are we truly able to let another in and in return feel the depth of love that is on offer to us all the time.

  11. “Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?” because we don’t want to get hurt. We would also have to feel the full extent of the love we have walked away from and don’t live.

  12. The pressure placed on men by women to be aggressive and tough as women harden and compete in the workforce and life in general has taken its toll on the health and well-being of humanity. It is refreshing to meet men and women in the community who are letting go of their walls of protection and reconnecting to the tenderness and love we all innately are.

  13. Thank you, Floris for writing what is so palpable to many men and women.. The more transparent we bring up these things the easier it is to resume our equalnes and let everything go that is not that. Super easy once we let go of any extractions away from the truth (distractions, shame, game, emotions etc.). So awesome to read by this blog that it is possible and that how much we open up and let go is in our own hands.. Let’s use our power wisely.

  14. We all want to be loved and cared for, this is with out a doubt true. To let this in from another we need to care for and love our self first, this builds a sense of self worth. Otherwise, we often do not allow ourself to be loved and cared for, as we do not feel worthy to receive what is on offer.

  15. Becoming aware of how much I hold back expressing love to another especially my husband has been quite revealing but the more I am becoming aware of it the more I am expressing. Our behaviours can be so ingrained but as I develop my awareness through connecting to my body I am beginning to let go of the behaviour of holding back to naturally express the love that I am.

  16. When we confirm another for who they are we confirm ourselves equally so…perhaps this is one of the reasons why we hold back expressing our love for others.

    1. And until we deeply love and appreciate ourselves and confirm the Love we know we are, we will never truly see this in another.

  17. Thank you Floris for sharing and showing that it is ok to feel what we feel and explore it without judgement but with astuteness and love.

  18. Sometimes, I get the feeling that men love women more than women love men. To feel just how much a man really appreciates a woman is something out of this world because most of the time women are not appreciating themselves AT ALL!

  19. Am I stable, connected and solid in myself? Or am I sad, disappointed and looking emotionally for others to validate me? For a lot of my life I have been in camp no. 2 and so this has meant the connections that have been there with women have got twisted into stimulants to make me feel better, to pick me up when nothing else will do. It’s such a shame that this addiction and craving got in the way as it absolutely stops me from building true friendships. We all, women and men have so much to share and bring. It’s a crime as you show Floris that we tend to live divided and segregated in such a profound way.

  20. It is true that we all know Love and yet we are too busy seeking it from outside and waiting for it to arrive on our doorstep without firstly living the Love we know we are.

  21. As a woman it is incredibly beautiful to hear a man speak with such delicateness and reflect on the past with such honesty. One can easily see that through being truly tender with one another that relationships between men and women will completely shift as our willingness to understand one another opens up.

  22. Men and women are all people. We all want to be loved. We all want to live a joyful and purposeful life.

  23. True – why is it that we express a far less to each other, if at all. How is it that we dont express deep honour, appreciation and adoration of each other when this is what is felt and water it down, dismiss it or replace it with a harsher alternative? It is deeply important for us to express the truth to each other and in this, allow each of us to be openly loving and beholding of each other.

  24. When we allow our love within to guide us we discover the majesty of who we are is worth deeply honouring, as it confirms who we all equally are in essence. It is when we resist this love that we find ourselves behaving in ways that creates tension in our lives and as such between us. In surrendering to the love we all innately are we soon realise that every relationship we share offers us the opportunity to learn, grow and evolve to a deeper relationship within ourselves, and so with all others. It is through the beautiful ever-expanding movement of divine love, and the practice of appreciation and confirmation, that serves to deepen our connection to the power of Brotherhood.

  25. Floris it so beautiful how you have expressed so honestly and openly your relationship with God and how your connection and communication has unfolded with others. The truth is when we connect to the divinity within us its all there for all of us. Key is to allow and surrender to this amazing connection.

  26. It really does take courage for men to open up with each other when this has not been the normal, even in a text conversation with an old friend this morning I could feel a measuring of what would be acceptable in terms of talking about feelings rather than facts. But it is all practice and nothing needs to be perfect.

  27. It is true that in order to allow true love and appreciation in our lives, we must first recognise it and accept this within ourselves for we are each Love and of the same true energetic quality.

    1. Or the cycle of separation will continue to divide men and women time and time again. Bringing more and more ill ease and dis-ease.

  28. The group energy especially in male friendship circles can be destructive to say the least. It was a blessing for all of them to have you providing your reflection for that weekend.

  29. Letting people in being transparent and vulnerable without a need to be perfect – is nearly the exact opposite of the message we receive daily yet to have true intimacy it is what is needed to be felt in every person.

  30. ‘We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.’ A beautiful line and I guess that also women themselves have forgotten how to be fragile. In the last few years I have allowed myself to feel the fragility in myself and to be with it and to not hide it for anyone. Work in progress I have to say but reading your honest and open sharing makes me honouring my fragility even more.

  31. So beautiful to read your blog Floris, your fragility shines trough, and I can whole heartedly agree with what you share.We men need to allow our tenderness and fragility to show, and know how we can truly love women, in the way only we can do, in full adoration and surrender without need but the fullest apreciation.

    1. Beautifully expressed Benkt, I love everything you’ve shared. It is absolutely gorgeous when we are open to connecting to each other and not be afraid to show our sensitivity, fragility and who we truly are.

  32. It is great to expose how we reduce each other to how we look or what we do rather than honour each other and hold another with Love- the essence of each of us is divine and yet we so easily cast this aside for lovelessness.

  33. Floris, I love your honesty and how you expose what is going on between men and women, this is a great question’ Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?’ I have felt this with men and women, that I care for and love them, but I have shyed away from expressing this through fear of being judged, I can feel how amazing we all are and that it does not make sense to hold this love back.

  34. The harmony and equality between men and women begin with honesty and communication. Holding back our feelings in expression creates a deep separation and rift between us, which first began within ourselves. We know there is unity between all, men, women, everyone, and this healing begins with coming back to humbleness and honesty with ourselves, this is a beautiful process.

  35. What a great realisation – “It’s so wondrous that the more I care for and love myself, the more I’m able to drop my self-protective stance and let women (and men) in.” This really does explain how we create the world we live in, that is the more we love and care for ourselves the more that love and care is given back to us.

  36. It is very revealing to nominate all the ways we have related to each other that is false, that only cements behaviours between men and women rather than truly support to bring people together.

  37. It is crazy that we hold back expressing our love and appreciation for others for when we don’t our relationships have an opportunity to grow and evolve supporting us to feel truly met and held by the strength and power of the grandness of love.

  38. I’m embarrassed too Floris by the way I used to talk about men, treat men, have relationships with men, the lot. Looking back now I see I was in a huge amount of protection. Whilst I loved men, I did not in truth know how to be with them in a way that honoured both them and me. Thank God – and thank Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – that I have learned a much different way to be with men, in all respects.

  39. I feel that what you express here is true for a lot if not most men – deep down there is some judgment they hold over women, some way that they put women down or think of them as lesser. But this is not about pointing the finger or instilling guilt – the honesty is all that matters and from there it becomes a very liberating experience that supports men and women alike. And before I sign off, what about women and their attitude towards and judgment of men?

  40. This was beautiful to read and to feel your honesty and openness Floris. This goes along way in healing the hurts between the tow genders that have kept us separate for so long. I loved what you said about how men are women, they have just forgotten how to be with the fragility. I would add to that, that this is because women themselves have forgotten this. It is up to us as women to embrace the power of our fragility, and in so doing men will also remember the exquisite fragility within themselves.

  41. Thank you Floris , ” surrendering and deepening the acceptance that I am indeed a precious and loving being myself ” this is the choice we all have and you living and expressing so will make it easier for all Men and all Women , the love is felt.

  42. Super honest and powerful blog Floris there is much that we can learn from what you have written here. “We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.” and we women have forgotten what it is to be fragile as we compete in what is seen as a man’s world. There is much to learn on both sides, as women we need to re-connect to our fragility and sacredness and men need to be willing to see that they are sensitive, gentle tender and very loving.

  43. Isn’t it amazing to be able to break down the barriers and separation we often hold between us that get in the way of true connection? I am learning to recognise some that I still hold to and I am learning to deconstruct them and let them go.

  44. What a beautiful blog. We men are so lost in what we have created to be the truth, and to then feel this enormously sensitive blog is a true relief and inspiration to live in a sensitive way allowing the adoration and tenderness in connection to be there and allow this to be the norm of living in connection with our true nature.

  45. Honour, Love and appreciation need not be reserved for occasion or for one gender or another – we are all equal and our natural expression is one of deep honour and Love.

  46. ‘If I could be a little more calm, if I could be a little bit more polished, if I could come accross in a nicer way’ – these seem to be our highest dreams when it comes to relationships or friendships of any kind. But what if we are missing out? What if there’s another paradigm in which we could live? What if we made all our interactions about expressing and sharing our Love? Wow – that is so far from tweaking what we have today and offers us the chance to live in a truly connected way. Thank you gorgeous Floris for this reflection.

  47. This is such a great question –”Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?”. The answer to that is that we get hurt early in life and then we put up a huge wall of protection so that we do not get hurt again so what is needed then is to deal with our hurts and let carry them around.

  48. The preciousness in which you hold your relationships with women in and why you share this with others is beautiful.

  49. How wonderful to read Floris from a man’s perspective how you now talk with you friends about women and life. Such a difference to the norm, or how you used to in the past. It is where the degradation of women starts, when men are sitting around and speaking in a demeaning way about women, men thinking that it is normal, when it is not. Then that perception is carried out into other behaviours because it becomes normalised, again, when it is not.

  50. To me, the sexes are in reaction to each other and just coping with the functionality of being in the world together. Why the reaction? Because women are not treasuring themselves or expressing their inner wisdom and worth; and the men are not embracing their deep sensitivity and tenderness. So we end up with a functional by product that devastates the opposite sex.

  51. Imagine a secret garden full of the most delicate beautiful flowers. Imagine a secure space full of exotic natural delights. This sort of hidden area, walled and secure, kept away from others prying eyes is much like men’s tenderness in this life. Many of us don’t even know this oasis in us exists. But for those like you Floris who are bold enough to go there and even open the gate and invite others in, the beauty and sweetness that is there to be shared is one of the great wonders of this world. The more men open up this part to be seen the richer we all will be.

  52. What a gorgeous sharing – reading this I can see how we dismiss the potential of deep relationships between men and women without it being sexual. How we have almost avoided opening up with each other because we think we have stuff to deal with first. But really – we all want the same thing – an openness and transparency and intimacy.

    1. I felt the same thing HM. We were not designed to lear at each other or disrespect each other. These behaviours are taken for granted as normal when they are anything but.

  53. it is interesting Floris when we come to the point where we question ourselves if we want to add to the waywardness of life or not and what then our choice will be. Are we then able to make the choice to do it differently from then on or are we to much involved and have invested in the way it is. With other words does it still give us a form of reward, something we are still enjoying.

  54. What I love about what you’re saying Floris is that everything we do and how we choose to be and treat other people contributes to the world being the way it is. It’s really super simple maths – if you want to live in a world where both you and everyone are respected and treated with decency and kindness then all you need to do is begin to treat everyone with decency and respect. We are the ones who determine the kind of world we’ll live in.

  55. It would have been wrong to not have shared this Floris – like a star not shining in the night sky! This is a reflection that can build more understanding and inspire each other to love and be loved without need for comparison.

  56. “We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.” And in its place we have chosen to Harden up and be the rough tough guys – the polar opposite.

  57. It’s sad the barriers and obstacles that we have let in, with relationships between women and men. There are so many unspoken societal rules that keep us apart. The heavy influence of sex or romance is so toxic, it seems to me. ‘What if we spend time together or express Love? Won’t people get ideas and talk?’. These fears leave us trapped in a cage of distant politeness. What a revalation then to understand as you have Floris that we are here to hold and treasure everyone we know with the same depth of care and intimacy. To hold this back is the beginning of all the abuse that we know.

  58. Wow Floris this is an amazingly honest blog. Some of the points you share could be placed in parts of our life where a truth was honored. Great sharing.

  59. “However, what I’m craving most is to be met, loved and cared for.”. . . .this is what we are all craving for most of all it is only our fear of being hurt that causes the divide.

  60. Your sensitivity and fragility is so evident in your writing Floris, thank you for your honesty, which is very lovely to be in the presence of.

  61. ‘We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility.’ Again this line touches me deeply, I guess I have never allowed anyone to adore me. Only since recently I feel I am more open to receive adoration and to feel what it does in my body, it asks me to accept myself on a deeper level for the preciousness and sacredness that I am.

  62. There’s no effort or resistance in a true encounter between man and woman, just an allowing what it is, and a surrender to what we are

  63. What an awesome reflection you were for your friends, bringing to them everything they too would have wanted, as naturally we all simply want to be met for who we are.

    1. Matilda you are true to say we have to be open to learning from others and listening to our bodies. When we follow this we can feel the natural connection with others.

  64. These pointers are so powerful and how amazing it would be to share this with our younger generations so that what boys/men are truly feeling about women is honoured from the start.

  65. Letting each other in, not guarding from or rebuffing each other, is the foundation of true relationship. Knowing our strength cannot be diminished by another’s choices/actions means we can approach every situation and interaction without fear or compromise. This is huge and very inspiring. Thank you, Floris.

  66. How wonderful it is to express our truth, as a woman, man and youth and for many of us, this is healing lifetimes of holding back, suppression of our true expression and no longer allowing all that is false in the world to prosper.

  67. Great question Floris, – ‘Why is it so hard to admit to ourselves, and each other, how much we care for and love each other?’ I think you’ve nailed it here, and the barriers that seemingly exist between men and women are false.

  68. The responsibility that a man takes to deepen his love is a reflection for women to deepen ours as well. Women have the responsibility to live the truth of equality between genders, that we are not less than men nor more. Love is love, and it is equal with all.

  69. “By not sharing what I’ve learned, I shy away from responsibility.” When we connect to our bodies and express from the wisdom it shares we begin to uncover a deeper awareness of the world and a much more honest outlook on the whole. It is here we feel what is truly going on and how our expression and sharing from this truth will deepen our relationship with self and bring great responsibility to the all. This is so very important today as it could redefine what it means to be in relationships and how we in turn confirm all by our bodies own movements and expressions.

  70. What you write Floris could so easily have been written by a woman. We have all become very good at protecting ourselves from being open and deeply honest about our feelings with other people, and especially the opposite sex. There has been a fear of rejection or being hurt in some way. It is so beautiful when we risk to express our real feelings, taking responsibility for who we are in full.

  71. It is beautiful to feel your expression and honesty in your sharing, we are all on the journey of exploring our fragility and sensitivity. Men and women are no different we all feel this.

  72. I work in a sexual health and wellbeing service for young people and I can tell you that this is not only happening ‘Do I want the next generation of men to check out, harden, harass and bully just as much (or more) than I did?’ but it is getting far more disrespectful and abusive towards girls. From young women I have spoken with they are getting text messages from boys they don’t even know to say do you want to meet up and have sex in the park, asked for oral sex constantly and told to wear short skirts at parties for ‘easy access’. The list goes on and on. What I feel would be great is for more men like yourself to have conversations with the next and younger generations about relationships giving them something else to work with and relate to others that what is currently out there which is not great.

  73. “We, as men, adore women – we’ve simply forgotten how to be with that fragility” – completely Floris, and as a woman, i know that as women we’ve aided and abetted this ‘forgotten-ness’ too because we also don’t know how to be this [fragility] quality with ourselves either. Fragility in either a man or woman is the adoration of both genders.

  74. Expressing the truth is always important, otherwise we could be just condoning what is not love, ‘By being silent, I’m allowing the inequality between men and women in everyday society and making my life about me, not about all of us and everything around us.’

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s