Learning To Love Women And Men

by Anne Malatt & Paul Moses, Newrybar Australia

Paul’s Story

One recent Saturday I went to a Universal Medicine event. I entered the hall and proceeded to walk to the back; on doing so saying hello and hugging people that I met. After a short time a beautiful woman came and asked for a hug. She said that she so wanted a hug from me, that she had seen me hug many men and it felt so loving, but she asked why I had not hugged many women. I love her hugs and this one was no exception; however this time her words and her hug delivered something that left me needing to go deeper.

Why had I mainly hugged men?

One reason was that I have built loving relationships with many men through the Universal Medicine men’s circle I have been attending, which I cherish dearly.

But there was more: I actually felt to hug the men and not a lot of women for a reason; why? The question I asked my Soul, to clearly show me the truth, with all the awareness I could handle was… why did I meet people in this measured way?

Why did I not love women and men equally?

For the next few nights my dreams were full. I was shown myself interacting with men: these were very confronting relationships as I was shown how I used the way I spoke, dressed, moved, acted and my sexual practise to manipulate men for my needs, my gain. Sex with men! Was I gay? Finally it dawned on me: I was a woman, not in this life but in a previous life.

I had manipulated men using my womanhood at the expense of myself and these men – using my status as a woman to use men. I was no stranger to using people: I have used women for sex and status for much of my life, but for the first time I realised I was also being used – through my need to be seen with a beautiful or successful woman, my need for sex, my need for mothering, and my craving for tenderness.

My ‘need’ was met by an equal need in women, and hence the feeling of manipulation.

With the support of the men’s group, we as men live in a tender way with each other which has allowed us to let go of many needs such as mothering, sex and to be seen as an ideal.

This in turn has cleared the way to allow an awareness of what I feel, and I do feel a manipulative energy from some women – this I now know and understand as I have lived in the same way. The difference now is that I don’t react to it as I have no attachment to that manipulation: I can see it for what it is as I have cleared it in myself.


I have developed an understanding of how issues we carry from life-to-life remain incomplete and as a result, how we are manipulated through these openings, these needs. We have a choice to remain in these ‘separative’ ways that keep us apart, or to see them as a blessing, showing us that something is not right and if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.

For me the way forward is to meet people with the love that I am and to not hold back, to not measure my love: anything less shows me something is wrong. And I look forward to many beautiful hugs with the amazing women and men we equally all are.

Anne’s Story

I have always had many male friends and until recently, only a very few close female friends. I preferred the company of men – they were direct, uncomplicated, and appreciative! I found it hard to trust most women – to be frank, I found them insecure, jealous, competitive, dishonest and two-faced, and I behaved in the same ways at times.

As I have matured, my relationships with women have deepened and grown, but these issues still surface from time to time.

When Paul started attending the Universal Medicine men’s groups I initially felt relief, as we had a night off at home to do as we pleased! While the kids and I watched ‘Modern Family’ and ate something sweet, he was deepening his relationships, with himself and with other men.


After a time I began to feel jealous. I felt he was developing a depth of loving relationship with these men that he did not have with me. And I felt confronted by the fact that he felt willing and able to commit an evening each week to developing this love for himself and others, and I did not. At first I made it about my busy-ness – my commitment to the children and other commitments – but I soon realised I did not have enough self-love to ask for or allow myself a night off once a week from my commitments, for myself.

Each week Paul brings home from the men’s meetings a greater degree of awareness, understanding and self-acceptance.

As the weeks pass, I feel more and more grateful for the men’s circle. Paul has found a space in which he feels free to express himself in full, without reservation, without judgement, and to share his experiences with men who understand how he feels. In this he has been able to let go of his need for and attachment to me, and this has allowed our connection to deepen, our relationship to blossom.


Even though I do not attend the meetings and am not privy to what is shared, I feel I have grown in love along with the men. I have been confronted with my own needs, my own attachments, and have been offered an opportunity to heal them, to let them go. I feel called to be more open, more honest, more loving, more true. As the men work on their issues, I feel more free and more inspired to be the true woman I am.

We are forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

278 thoughts on “Learning To Love Women And Men

  1. When someone in a couple chooses to step up to another level of awareness and responsibility, then it offers the whole family an opportunity to change and truly evolve, and if they all step up to the challenge then they too as a whole reflect this to others in the community. how beautiful is the process of re-claiming ourselves back to who we truly are.

  2. Manipulation is sadly very common in relationships, and I too can say that I am not free of doing this in my relationships. When a need takes over, then it is like we are blinded to how one should be with another, even if we have had the best intentions. In essence, no one would consciously want to manipulate, hurt or impose on another and yet the reality is that we do this a lot of the time – this to me exposes that there is something that wants to take over and we give into that. We get manipulated more easily when we do not hold enough appreciation and value of ourselves, whilst when we have a deepened relationship with self then there is less room for manipulation to take place and hence we are less likely to do this to another. How important is it to have a foundation of love strong enough to see manipulation for what it is and not react and use it?

  3. Wow – Paul and Anne, this is a very potent sharing indeed! Thank you – it exposes some of the games we inadvertently might play and yet know full well what we are doing to stop ourselves from truly deepening our relationships with self and others.

  4. I love the honesty and transparency that is shared in this blog. I can relate with what Anne shared about finding it easier to connect with men, and I had similar reasons for not choosing to connect with women. By deepening my relationship and love of self I am learning to build more intimate relationships with women.

  5. Past Life realisations as you have shared Paul, provide a deeper way forward as we can understand our issues and start to resolve them from a True space allowing True healing.
    Thank you Serge, for sharing the relationship we have to have with Love, or more precisely True Love and the deepening connection this builds with another so we get a True understanding of our past lives as either being a man or woman!

  6. Becoming aware and to feel the energy of manipulation from both men and women and not to react to it is very empowering and liberating. Also as that awareness deepens so does the awareness of how subtle it can be at times.

  7. A great comment Doug, it provides clarity about the two very different expressions our genders go into when we separate from our essence.

  8. “The difference now is that I don’t react to it as I have no attachment to that manipulation: I can see it for what it is as I have cleared it in myself.” It’s a great point that part of our reaction can be seeing in others what we ourselves do, and not feeling too comfortable with it! Every reaction is a great opportunity to heal.

  9. The fact that we have experienced being both male and female is just another thing that we conveniently forget to stay identified with what we think we are in the role we play in our current life.

  10. I enjoyed this blog purely and simply because it reminds me that we are developing. We are all on a path, at varying different stages, and with a bit of work we are travelling on it… to greater awareness yes, and a return to a simply, soulful and profound place inside each and every one of us.

  11. It’s very precious to read how a couple take the responsibility for their own process in their own pace. I loved reading about the respect from Paul towards Anne even both were making different choices at some point, it’s this space of dettachment and respect that allowed Anne to see by herself the result of her choices. This feels a very powerful and a very enriching way of being with each other.

  12. Observing how children relate with each other brings me to realize how much as an adults we have complicated something that once were very simple and natural. Before we didn’t even think if we were playing with a boy or a girl, there was a flow, a playful dettachment and joy to be with others and ourselves. Then we grown up and learned to behave differently, to expect recognition and attention from men, to crave the tenderness we lost behind and to even demand it from our partners…by playing games of seduction to have what’s already in our hearts, pure love. I know very well about all of that because I was the one who desperetly tried to receive the attention from men and measured my worth depending of my looks, shapes and achievements…so coming accross to a blog like this is a blessing, an open window of fresh air that tenderly blows in my ears and reminds me that never is too late for change. Certainly there is another way to be in this world based on respect, true love and care with ourselves and others, is how once we all were and we can return to this way again by choice.

  13. It is the nature of the way we are designed, that when one of us deepens in connection, it calls all others to reach the same point within themselves so that no one is left behind on our path back to Soul. Although this is an exquisitely beautiful process, it can also be extremely uncomfortable as much gets exposed that has come to stand between us and the expression of our love.

  14. Once we realise that we have lived many lives as a man and many as a woman, judgment goes and we can look more deeply at our hang-ups and issues. And yes, either gender is expert at manipulation, deceit and subterfuge.

    1. The seeming disparity of the two genders exists until such a time that we learn to rebalance both the femaleness and maleness within us regardless of whether we are currently in the body of a man or a woman.

      1. Absolutely Liane, with out a balanced life we are complicating life as if we are in a wheel going round and round continually in the same issues without any relief. Thanks to Serge Benhayon for sharing how to bring a True balance to life and live with equal amounts of female and male energy!

    2. There are some great examples shared of manipulation in this blog, ‘ I don’t react to it as I have no attachment to that manipulation: I can see it for what it is as I have cleared it in myself.’

  15. Our way transcends this lifetime. Our movements are older than we are. Yet, our awareness that this is the case, what we carry and how it affects us tends to lag behind. Life offers us much to be aware, to accept, and to surrender to.

    1. Well said Eduardo – awareness is the first step in any process of growth, and is a very important step indeed.

  16. It’s interesting how we like to “own” someone’s love or affection, or we think it’s just between two people, when by expressing love to everyone we actually deepen our love and so the quality of love for the person you choose to be with actually deepens too.

    1. Yes, we are here to be love with everyone, ‘For me the way forward is to meet people with the love that I am and to not hold back, to not measure my love: anything less shows me something is wrong’

  17. It is quite extraordinary to so openly see the manipulations that many women choose to engage with and to use as part of their relationships and ways of getting through life, and to not judge them for it, but to actually understand that this was once you too.

    1. And have a man disclose their level of manipulation and opportunism as well is equally as extraordinary and refreshingly honest.

  18. Each time we feel that pull for another to meet our needs there is another opportunity to go deeper in our relationship with ourselves.

  19. A beautiful level of honesty, thank you. And yes, men use women and women use men; that is part of our sordid history and one that we need to take responsibility for and address with honesty and openness.

    1. Manipulation is rife and has been rife, but awareness of this is the first step to begin to put an end to our share of this game that serves no one in truth.

  20. Wow what an interesting example of one person taking the opportunity to work on deepening the relationship with themselves and the ripple effect that had on the family. I don’t think the same depth would have come from a regular night at the pub or at sport. There is something about the opportunity to talk and to learn to express feelings that offers a deeper connection all round.

    1. It’s true, as we deepen into our own love it provides more love for the other person to say ‘yes’ to also if they feel to.

  21. Much wisdom is shared here, and particularly this: “This in turn has cleared the way to allow an awareness of what I feel, and I do feel a manipulative energy from some women – this I now know and understand as I have lived in the same way. The difference now is that I don’t react to it as I have no attachment to that manipulation: I can see it for what it is as I have cleared it in myself”

    When we react to a situation, quite often it does expose what we do have an attachment too – what pictures and ideals do we have around that situation, and quite often it does trigger a hurt within us. What you share with us, if we take the time to ask our Soul for the truth, we can understand what triggered us, heal that, let go of pictures and ideals/beliefs and we clear our bodies so there is nothing in there to react to. Could you imagine if we all set about on this process, and healed and cleared our bodies? There would much more harmony in this world for sure as we all brought a greater understanding to each other and awareness.

  22. What I can feel from deeply gorgeous sharing is how our deepening self-love brings deeper honesty with ourselves and others, and even without asking others to change, they get a reflection thereby a choice to go there themselves.

  23. I was very touched by the honest exploration of what goes on for women and men in relationship. It felt ugly but true that many women manipulate men and use them, even when it looks like they are a victim or hard done by. This blog made me want to be clear of that myself and support other women to have the self-love to not want or need to play games that only hurt our relationships.

    1. Yes I can feel myself wanting to ensure I do not use that energy around anyone. I was also interested to see how it can come through from past lives. The western world have reduced so much understanding of why we behave the way we do when we reduce who we are and how we behave to this one physical body in this one physical life and negate the energy we all live within and which runs through us.

  24. A beautiful realisation that when one person deepens their relationship with themselves and others it also offers the opportunity for their partner to equally deepen their relationship together and with others. We all affect each other.

  25. It is through the deepening relationship we hold with self that we then make space to observe, appreciate and understand everyone else and it is from this understanding we begin to feel what truly loving relationships are and how we can continue to grow and learn on life’s forever unfolding path.

  26. It’s such an amazing experience to be part of the Universal Medicine student body, as everyone is so dedicated to healing, men and women alike. The opportunity for relationships to be based on love is very real, and it’s very different to relationships based on expectations and unfulfilled needs as the responsibility for love begins with ourselves.

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