Learning To Love Women And Men

by Anne Malatt & Paul Moses, Newrybar Australia

Paul’s Story

One recent Saturday I went to a Universal Medicine event. I entered the hall and proceeded to walk to the back; on doing so saying hello and hugging people that I met. After a short time a beautiful woman came and asked for a hug. She said that she so wanted a hug from me, that she had seen me hug many men and it felt so loving, but she asked why I had not hugged many women. I love her hugs and this one was no exception; however this time her words and her hug delivered something that left me needing to go deeper.

Why had I mainly hugged men?

One reason was that I have built loving relationships with many men through the Universal Medicine men’s circle I have been attending, which I cherish dearly.

But there was more: I actually felt to hug the men and not a lot of women for a reason; why? The question I asked my Soul, to clearly show me the truth, with all the awareness I could handle was… why did I meet people in this measured way?

Why did I not love women and men equally?

For the next few nights my dreams were full. I was shown myself interacting with men: these were very confronting relationships as I was shown how I used the way I spoke, dressed, moved, acted and my sexual practise to manipulate men for my needs, my gain. Sex with men! Was I gay? Finally it dawned on me: I was a woman, not in this life but in a previous life.

I had manipulated men using my womanhood at the expense of myself and these men – using my status as a woman to use men. I was no stranger to using people: I have used women for sex and status for much of my life, but for the first time I realised I was also being used – through my need to be seen with a beautiful or successful woman, my need for sex, my need for mothering, and my craving for tenderness.

My ‘need’ was met by an equal need in women, and hence the feeling of manipulation.

With the support of the men’s group, we as men live in a tender way with each other which has allowed us to let go of many needs such as mothering, sex and to be seen as an ideal.

This in turn has cleared the way to allow an awareness of what I feel, and I do feel a manipulative energy from some women – this I now know and understand as I have lived in the same way. The difference now is that I don’t react to it as I have no attachment to that manipulation: I can see it for what it is as I have cleared it in myself.


I have developed an understanding of how issues we carry from life-to-life remain incomplete and as a result, how we are manipulated through these openings, these needs. We have a choice to remain in these ‘separative’ ways that keep us apart, or to see them as a blessing, showing us that something is not right and if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.

For me the way forward is to meet people with the love that I am and to not hold back, to not measure my love: anything less shows me something is wrong. And I look forward to many beautiful hugs with the amazing women and men we equally all are.

Anne’s Story

I have always had many male friends and until recently, only a very few close female friends. I preferred the company of men – they were direct, uncomplicated, and appreciative! I found it hard to trust most women – to be frank, I found them insecure, jealous, competitive, dishonest and two-faced, and I behaved in the same ways at times.

As I have matured, my relationships with women have deepened and grown, but these issues still surface from time to time.

When Paul started attending the Universal Medicine men’s groups I initially felt relief, as we had a night off at home to do as we pleased! While the kids and I watched ‘Modern Family’ and ate something sweet, he was deepening his relationships, with himself and with other men.


After a time I began to feel jealous. I felt he was developing a depth of loving relationship with these men that he did not have with me. And I felt confronted by the fact that he felt willing and able to commit an evening each week to developing this love for himself and others, and I did not. At first I made it about my busy-ness – my commitment to the children and other commitments – but I soon realised I did not have enough self-love to ask for or allow myself a night off once a week from my commitments, for myself.

Each week Paul brings home from the men’s meetings a greater degree of awareness, understanding and self-acceptance.

As the weeks pass, I feel more and more grateful for the men’s circle. Paul has found a space in which he feels free to express himself in full, without reservation, without judgement, and to share his experiences with men who understand how he feels. In this he has been able to let go of his need for and attachment to me, and this has allowed our connection to deepen, our relationship to blossom.


Even though I do not attend the meetings and am not privy to what is shared, I feel I have grown in love along with the men. I have been confronted with my own needs, my own attachments, and have been offered an opportunity to heal them, to let them go. I feel called to be more open, more honest, more loving, more true. As the men work on their issues, I feel more free and more inspired to be the true woman I am.

We are forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

239 thoughts on “Learning To Love Women And Men

  1. I have just come across this blog and it has stopped me in my tracks as being something for me to look at too! I love how this happens, and can feel a theme in it as I just read another quite different blog related to cars and how we drive. They both highlight though, that everything we do affects everything and everyone else and we can all feel this happening all of the time, its what we do with what we feel that counts. Lots for me to look at regarding how I am with men, different to how I am with women. Thanks to you both.

    1. Yes Jeanette, I felt this too, how everything we do affects everyone else. How refreshing and enlightening to read your joint blogs, Paul and Anne. I really appreciate you sharing how we bring through old patterns from past lives Paul, it explains so much about how we relate to each other. And Anne, for you to get beyond your initial jealousy to build a deeper relationship is inspiring.

    2. Me too Jeanette! I have noticed that I relate differently to men than to women and I hadn’t really stopped to consider why this is before now. I’m actually shocked that it hasn’t occurred to me to do so as it’s something that is quite obviously going to cap to amount of love that I allow in and out of myself. Plenty for me to take and ponder on – thank you Anne and Paul.

  2. Heartfelt thank you Paul and Anne for sharing yourselves so openly and honestly. To witness the way you both are so gracefully commitment to love and being love with all is very inspiring.

  3. I am re-reading your blog again Anne and am reminded of the power of truly loving ourselves and how the more we dearly love ourselves the more love we can bring to another. The threads and attachments we may carry in our relationships are deeply harming often more so than we realise.

  4. Thank you Paul and Anne, I really enjoyed reading your experiences. Anne I can so relate to what you said about being more comfortable in men’s company, than in a women’s. I had very few women friends during most of my life. Since becoming a part of Universal Medicine and claiming more of myself as a loving and gentle women I have been able to open up more to other women, and I am really loving and enjoying the connections I am making with these beautiful women, thanks and appreciation goes to Serge and his teachings.

  5. This is inspiringly honest what you have both shared. I can relate to the mistrust of women but also to a mistrust of men at different times in my life. Over time I learning to be more true (more myself) in my relationships as I explore and heal the hurts that have held me back.

    1. I can relate Annie as this too is very much what i am willing to look at and develop within myself and with others in relationships – to heal the hurts that get in the way of expressing the bountiful love that is I, that is we and that is here.

    2. Relationships are so powerful in what they reflect to us: all of our hurts that we haven’t dealt with, and the extent to which we are honest with ourselves. I’ve seen how when I’m not honest with myself, I carry that fakeness into how I am with others.. and our relationship stays at the surface level. It’s only by allowing myself to feel more, and to hold myself in love and understanding, that I can allow myself to feel the hurts without getting lost in them, and let them go.

  6. ‘As the men work on their issues, I feel more free and more inspired to be the true woman I am.’ That counts for me too. I easily took over the responsibility of the issue of my partner if he didn’t deal with it himself. A very old ingraned behaviour. That is still to be aware of…first and foremost it is about me and God and my relation with me.

    1. This counts for me too sylvianbrinkman! For many years I tried to control and manipulate my relationships by controlling and manipulating others and often took on the issues of others without addressing my own (or often denying that I had any!)! What I’ve come to experience is that when I take responsibility for my own hurts and choices and allow another to take responsibility for theirs, it creates the space and opportunity for the relationship first to grow with myself, and then with others.

      1. I can now see how the judgmental way I was addressing the issues of others has been a very abusive cover up of my own issues and my reluctance to take responsibility for them.

  7. This is a great exposè on the truth behind needs – manipulation. I hadn’t really looked at it like that before. I can see how this is when the little “self” gets in the way and wants to use people in relationships to cope with the choice of not being in true connection to self. Needs make everyone less. Thank you Paul.

  8. To not measure our love and be open with all: “anything less shows me something is wrong.” This is so very wise – when we measure how we are with people it clearly is showing something about ourselves. To ponder on the manipulation as you have expressed is really exposing; and I love how Melinda Knights clarifies how we manipulate “to cope with the choice of not being in true connection to self.” Super insightful and life changing and all about bringing more love to self to arrest the need. Thank you both.

  9. It great how through the development of another we too can learn and be inspired to be more of who we truly are.

  10. Paul and Anne, thank you for your sharing … there has been a lot for me to feel here. I have held men out of my heart for most of my life because I feared them, or so I thought.

    What feels more true for me now, is that I didn’t have the depth of connection to my own love, and so I only ever saw the behaviour of men, and of course from women, which meant that I saw men as their behaviours and not men in their true power … of love, tenderness, sensitivity and openness. In fact, the more I allow myself to connect with the deeper part of myself, the more men naturally bring out the depth of their inner beauty. Letting men into my heart has been a great healing.

  11. This is such a beautiful blog, Anne & Paul. I am married to a man who attends these men’s groups and I have been astounded by the level of honesty the men have been willing to go to and their commitment to love and to themselves – it is as if they have been waiting for an opportunity like this their wholes lives, and now it is here, have received the gift with both hands, appreciated it and committed in full.

  12. I am inspired by the level of love and tenderness men are willing to go to. The reflection of their willingness to embrace their femaleness has been confronting for me as a woman, and highlights when I am not doing the same. Thank you Paul, and all the other incredible men who attend these Universal Medicine Men’s Groups.

    1. I feel this too Carmin. My husband is such a beautiful, exquisitely tender man which exposed my own lack of tenderness, and has inspired me to develop this for myself. I have learned so much from him and other men in the Universal Medicine Student Body.

  13. It’s amazing how much can come up in relationships! And only if we are honest about this stuff do we have a true opportunity to deepen, rather than grow apart.

    1. So true Brendan – relationships provide an awesome opportunity to be aware of the things which affect us through the reflection of others and when there is a foundation of love in the relationship or even simply in communication the possibilities are endless.

      1. I agree Brendan and Michael, relationships are great at bringing things up for us to look at and change so we can be more loving. There is always space to deepen our love with ourselves, our partner and with everybody else. Yes we can make choices alone but with others through their reflection it is often much easier to see the choices we are making and the way we are living.

      2. True. It is a great opportunity to be in a relationship as a constant reflection of my own level of love, tenderness and acceptance of who we both are and what we can express in full.

  14. The knock on effects of more openness and honesty on the people around the one choosing that openness is amazing to watch. People disarm when no one else is carrying a weapon or being protective.

  15. Our most personal relationship can and do become just functional if love is not identified and nurtured. Relationships can easily become about the everyday decisions like grocery shopping or choosing a cushion colour, and the love can be forgotten and slowly eroded away.

  16. The more anyone works honestly on clearing their issues, on freeing themselves from the prescriptive roles and behaviours that litter our everyday on how we ‘should be’ and are fed to us from societies expectations, the more free and inspired we all are to do the same for ourselves. Paul – your men’s group sounds awesome!

  17. What is highlighted here for me is the power of being willing to be truthful and heal what there is to heal. Holding back maintains the issues, being open and honest in relationships does offer the potential to heal.

    1. I agree Samantha, nothing changes when we hold back from saying what is there to be said. When we start to become honest, open and truthful with ourselves and others then anything is possible and slowly but surely we begin to let go of the issues and hurts we have been carrying around with us that have stopped us from being open with everyone.

  18. Men really deepening their relationships without football and booze is such a blessing for all the men in the world, effectively paving the forward for all- it’s music to the ears

  19. What you have presented here Anne and Paul is very inspiring, I really appreciate your honesty and openness. By reading your blog a couple of times I learnt so much and felt an expansion and a deeper understanding of the way I relate to men and women.
    Thank you both.

  20. As one grows, so do we give and allow for the opportunity for the other to do so also.
    I experience this at home with my children and it highlights for me the responsibility within to come from love in all that we do, for we effect not just ourselves but everyone around us.

  21. Beautiful honest sharing from you both. I have shared a similar experience with my partner who also attend a weekly mens group. Breaking through the moulds that men often wear with each other is life changing and i am forever inspired by the tenderness and sweetness that has re-surfaced for all these men.

  22. Thank you for being so honest in your sharing, it is beautiful to read. Very inspiring how you have come to deepen your relationship with yourselves and each other.

  23. There’s so much here in your amazingly honest blog Anne and Paul. What comes to me right now is that it can be so easy to slip into feeling jealous of someone close to us who is deepening their relationship with themselves and taking flight, but if we drop turn the jealousy into appreciation instead, then we allow the inspiration being presented to us to be felt. This way we all evolve.

  24. The men’s groups have provided men with a loving supportive environment in which they feel able to share openly and honestly, knowing they won’t be judged or criticised in any way. This has enabled them to go to a deeper level in themselves and as a group as a whole.

    1. Isn’t it amazing to what an extent we as men have made our whole lives about judgement and competition? What an incredible experience to be in a group of men where you make it about equality, honesty and openness and can feel save to experiment just to be who you really are. This offers each of us an enormous potential to move on and let go of old patterns, as when we meet each others as equals instead of trying to outdo each other, we will make it about supporting each other.

  25. It is beautiful to read how a relationship can change through commitment to ourselves and with this we can love the other more, knowing more of who we are and what we deem important brings a clarity and an even deeper level of love and understanding.

  26. I both love and feel confronted by what is offered in this blog, how we can ask ourselves what is truly going on and we will be shown, and how taking that time to deepen our connection reflects the love we have for ourselves. I feel that we are always asked to go deeper and often I get to a place where it is comfortable and I want to coast for a bit, reading this today reminds me not to stop and also to appreciate the willingness I have to go deeper, and how as we all do, it allows for a deepening of our relationships with others. Thanks Anne and Paul for sharing your ever deepening relationship with yourselves and each other.

    1. Yes Monica I can relate to wanting to coast but am also appreciating my willingness to go deeper with myself and others and feel reading this blog is so supportive in that process.

  27. Thank-you Anne and Paul for this blog. It has given me a lot to ponder, for if I am willing to be honest I do behave differently around most men, than when I’m around other women and I have been doing this measured way of being for as long as I can remember.

  28. ‘I have developed an understanding of how issues we carry from life-to-life remain incomplete and as a result, how we are manipulated through these openings, these needs. We have a choice to remain in these ‘separative’ ways that keep us apart, or to see them as a blessing, showing us that something is not right and if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.’ I love this awesome but confronting blog and thank you both for sharing so honestly because I resonate with so much of both your experiences. I still measure how I am with men and can really feel how this impacts on all my relationships. I also hold back from women and although this is slowly changing it feels to me like my issue is with trusting myself and others because of deeply held patterns that have come through from other lives and that I have been reluctant to address. As I deepen my appreciation for myself I am dropping the fear I have of showing my vulnerability and this is expanding my willingness to go there with other people.

  29. Your combined experience goes to show that expression is indeed everything and that once we start to make it a consistent part of our lives, it has the propensity to inspire those around us through the ripple effect.

  30. Oh so beautiful to read this blog again, thank you Anne and Paul. It is deeply confirming. Your ripples of love and understanding emanating far and wide.

  31. What a beautiful revelation, having love for ourselves is so important. Choosing this is very empowering in every relationship we have.

  32. From my late teens onward, I often felt more comfortable around men than I did around women, and looking at this now I feel it’s because I didn’t feel jealous or threatened by them (unlike what I felt with other women!). I’m not sure that I was anymore true to myself with men than women but I did feel more in control of situations. Over the past 6 years I’ve been working on my relationship with myself and have been working on my relationship with both men and women & I find there is always something to deepen about how much I’m being myself (and not trying to prove, defend etc)…

  33. I too was very needy of emotions, status and sex from women but since I started doing some work on myself with the help of Universsal Medicine, I feel that I have let go of most of it. I still have challenges in my relationship but the energy is very different, I feel a lot more independant emotionally.

  34. Re-reading your blog today and I am inspired by the depth of the connection we can have. It gives me a lot to ponder on, what depth do I choose in all my relationships and do I appreciate what is on offer all of the time. In other words do I surrender and say yes to God.

  35. I love your honesty and openness Paul and Anne that you share in this blog. I have been deeply touched by the way the men in the student body hug each other and can share their tenderness openly with each other, I remember clocking this at first and feeling this quality the men share is something the women in the student body can be inspired by and this is how we support each other to evolve.

  36. I love the way you each share your perspective Anne and Paul. It beautifully shows that if one partner makes different choices how it always has an effect on the other and it is really up to them to make a choice what to do with that.

  37. There is no question in my mind that we all need both relationships and that they feed each other. The time I spend with men (as long as it is intimate and tender) massively supports my relationship with my wife. And her vice versa. So now, I love meeting up with “the boys.” I love it. But there isn’t a beer or Sports TV screen in sight!

    1. I agree Otto, the ‘Universal Medicine Men’s Groups’ are bringing a reality that feels so true to all my relationships and we are definitely sharing a true ‘tenderness and intimacy’. Maybe you could do a reality T.V. series on the ‘Universal Medicine Men’s Group’? As there is none of what is so called normal boys will be boys banter going on, so honesty sets the tone and the world definitely needs a true reflection of tender gentle-men. We are reflecting the life changes that are possible via a medium that can reach those who are ready!

  38. It is beautiful Paul how developing and deepening your relationships with these men has also deepened your relationship with Anne. Everything is connected, everything we do affects everything else and every other part of our lives.

  39. I loved reading this. It is great to be able to bring such honesty to the ways in which we manipulate each other as men and women. This is what sets us free and paves the way for true relationship.

  40. How amazing is it to truly express, and when I have opened up and expressed, this has allowed me to nominate the ideals that held me so I could heal those ill issues from my past. I had no idea these ills existed and therefore by the fact of letting go of my past ills I have become more loving. As I open up to honesty over the last 12 years my relationships with all of humanity has changed to one of being truly loving for everyone equally!

  41. Re reading your joint sharing Paul and Anne I can see how I treat men differently to women. I had an example of it on the weekend and recognised my discomfort and the unnatural conversation I had with someone I had met for the first time. Its like there is an effort required when talking to men, it doesn’t come naturally to me and this is something for me to consider and ponder now it has come t o the fore again.

  42. It is truly beautiful when men support themselves. The love and care men can bring to themselves and to others is really needed. I have also watched the many men of the Universal Medicine student body blossom within themselves and with each other from the men’s groups. Previously my only experience of men were of them being hardened, “tough”, closed down, non communicative and imposing. Now I’m around men who feel still, gorgeous, expressive, loving and caring, and they love who they are. They don’t feel “tough” but they do feel beautifully strong. It’s great to experience what a Gentleman truly means. Watching these men grow and change has also given me tremendous understanding in the pressures men face to not be their true selves. Universal Medicine truly understands men and does great work supporting them.

  43. The Universal Medicine men’s groups are allowing men to express and be the tender, open and loving beings they are and many women are discovering that despite all the surface chatter that they can be inspired by these men to take their relationships to a deeper and truer level.

  44. I have had the opposite experience where the majority of my close friends have been women with a few close male friends. (Which I may add are very in touch with their femininity, both straight and gay)

    There is no right or wrong to whom or what gender we befriend more readily however a great starting point is to reflect to others how we control our social bubbles and deflect things we may not want to be aware of. In my case the rough and readiness of male pack energy.

  45. “I have developed an understanding of how issues we carry from life-to-life remain incomplete and as a result, how we are manipulated through these openings, these needs. We have a choice to remain in these ‘separative’ ways that keep us apart, or to see them as a blessing, showing us that something is not right and if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.” This so resonates with me as sometimes I can’t fathom where an issue has arisen in my current life. Understanding reincarnation brings a bigger picture into view. Remembering this, not just for myself, but with everyone, brings a greater understanding and connection.

  46. Coming back to this blog has allowed me to stop and question my own attachments to my relationships being a certain way which until this moment I had not been aware that this was the case even though the signs were all right in my face. That is something I have learnt again and again over the last few years – the healing that can come from relationships, not just couples but friendships/family/work as well, because we get to see a different angle on the same thing we are also experiencing. That different angle has repeatedly shook me out of the hold I have been in when it comes to relating to life. Thank you Paul and Anne.

  47. I love what you are sharing here. It shows that everything has to do with us, that we cannot push it aside and say this does not concern me and that it is possible to find why we are doing certain things and then are able to let go of them.

  48. Your last point Anne is so important, the more we work on our stuff and clearing it all out the way, the more opportunity and space we give to other people to do the same. As your partner deemed his relationship with himself, he invited you to do the same… That’s got to be one of the biggest gifts in the world you can give someone.

  49. Thank you Anne and Thank you Paul, your words touched me.. As I start to deeply feel and connect to what you are saying about relationships (with yourself and others). And how this is ingredient with behaviors, needs and expectations at times, not even realizing this is not our original way, our essence or who we are. And to not judge any of our choices but simply see them and love ourselves, so our commitment to self-love grows instead of drops. Great great work both! And thank you Paul for going to those men groups.

  50. Thank you Anne and Paul for this honest blog. “For me the way forward is to meet people with the love that I am and to not hold back, to not measure my love: anything less shows me something is wrong.” That insight is really something we should learn from day one as it would help to stop our society (men and women) to play all this manipulative games which only leads to more control and hardness.

  51. Thank you, Paul and Anne. Paul, I love how you asked your soul for guidance and that you got the answer via your dreams. There is far more to our dreams than we realize.

  52. I have had a similar experience both within my own men’s group and also feeling the benefits of my wife attending the women’s groups as inspired by Universal Medicine. They really are a great support for deepening and enriching relationships.

  53. We all benefit when our partners participate in different groups, meeting different people and I find if I stay open to what my husband is reflecting to me the benefits are there for me too. A great reflection- thank you Anne and Paul.

  54. This blog highlights the power of truly loving ourselves and how love supports us to open up to be love and therefore be open to sharing our love with others and allowing their love in.

  55. This is a gorgeously honest and inspiring sharing. Thank you, Anne and Paul. “Why did I meet people in this measured way?” – this question just jumped right at me, and is the one I never dared asking myself while smelling the whiff of it. What I truly feel about men and women as a woman myself, has never been given an opportunity to be expressed with deep honesty under the reactions, and feeling into this is nudging me to deepen my love for myself first of all.

  56. Our love is universal and not to be kept for a selected group of people but to be shared openly and without holding back or measuring to all equally. That to me is our way to go, to go and evolve back to the immense loving beings we naturally are. Whether we live as a man or as a woman I am appreciating the fact that this is giving that special flavour in expression what the difference in gender body is offering to us all and what we may celebrated for the blessing that it is providing into our lives.

  57. Men and women are forever evolving each other no matter what kind of relationship we are in—whether in a marriage, a partnership, in a family, friendship, work or business relationship etc. When we naturally feel the movement in our hearts that guide the movement of our bodies, how we express physically and energetically is always an opportunity to evolve each other, we can choose to see this fact and act upon it or we can choose not to and remain in our hurts first and foremost with ourselves, which cannot but impact all of our other relationships. I deeply enjoyed this interactive blog between the male and female perspectives, this is a project I would love to do every day and it is a deep blessing to have this opportuntity with each other, thank you Paul and Anne.

  58. This is a lovely blog, thank you both. We bring all of our selves including our hang ups to all of our relationship. Discovering what they are and unravelling them from our lives gives us renewed clarity. We don’t have to react and live a life of reaction anymore and that frees us up for so much love. The men’s group and the women’s groups have been so helpful in showing us what we are holding onto and how we are being played through our sore spots. Once we move past them, love fills our lives.

  59. Paul’s way forward resonates with me too, that is to live love in all areas of my life equally so for any holding back, contraction, shutting down means there is something to be healed and that is within me. It means observing and allowing myself to feel any reaction, a hurt that comes up. “The difference now is that I don’t react to it as I have no attachment to that manipulation: I can see it for what it is as I have cleared it in myself” – this is truly inspiring.

  60. I am very inspired by your relationship with each other. You remind me that it is ok for issues to come up with another if we are willing to take responsibility and be honest about what we feel.

  61. Thank you Paul and Anne this just goes to show when we grow our selves this gives the people around us an opportunity to grow themselves . . . we all affect each other . . . this proves we are all connected.

  62. Brilliant sharing Anne and Paul. What stands out to me is the beautiful way you describe that how we have lived in the past comes back to us now. What a greater level of understanding this offers to the way we behave today. If we approach this as kindly as you do we can heal this ‘stuff’ and be equally loving with all the men and women that we know.

  63. I think that men getting together in a way that allows them to express and share is very positive, considering how typically men can be quite shy and less outwardly expressive with their feelings, I imagine these groups would be a huge support. In all honesty, the blog itself was a little out there for me, I struggled to stay with the writing at times.

  64. In response to Paul’s story, for me its interesting how I can hide behind a relationship with Men in order that I don’t have to deal with the additional complexities of a relationship with Women… why are they not equal. It asks me to look at what I’m afraid of, what needs I bring, what is it that warps the relationship away from being clear and simple?

  65. And Anne’s story is equally revealing – how little we can honour ourselves if but to grant us some time for deepening our relationship… and exposing the reaction of how we can be jealous of another’s commitment rather than committing to it ourselves.

  66. Recently I have come to the honesty that I resent men and going deeper, I realize I am hurt by my own choice of holding back my expression. The measured expression of myself when I am with men is what I am really resenting. Ultimately it comes down to my responsibility of how I express myself, whether it is unified and equal to everyone or not.

  67. It is incredibly beautiful when we are honest enough to see the reflection and take responsibility, in that we can feel the hurt from our previous choices, putting an end to the cycle of abuse to ourselves and to others.

  68. Dear Paul and Anne, Thank you both for sharing so honestly and intimately your beautiful, ever deepening and unfolding ‘learning to love women and men’ equally. I am deeply touched and inspired.

  69. This is really beautiful to read, and it’s true we so often have a way in relating with the other or our own gender. It is inspiring to look into this myself, and develop a deeper understanding of all that is going on.

  70. This is a blog that should be read by all! I feel you both, Anne and Paul are a great example to us all where relating is concerned. I can see myself where hugs are concerned and my not expressing my love as easily with men as I do with women!

  71. It is deeply beautiful that as Paul began to address his issues and clear what stood in the way of developing and deepening relationships with both men and women, you were pulled to confront what you too needed to be healed and as a result have been inspired to be the true woman you are…. A gorgeous opportunity for you both to learn to move together differently in life and as such inspire others with what is possible.

  72. To manipulate another through emotions is to avoid the true sacredness on offer in both men and women. This sacredness is simply the gigantic love within us all, otherwise known as the light of the Soul. The more we allow ourselves the space to connect with this universality, the essence of who we truly are, the more we give it permission to be in our every expression. Thankyou Anne and Paul for your gorgeous transparency with what you both have shared.

  73. “…if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.”
    This is so true Paul and I have often experienced this, that if I truly want to know something from the depth of my heart, without any self-gain in mind, the answer comes to me. This may come through an inner knowing, by meeting someone, reading something or in a dream – there is so many ways that we can find the answers to life.

  74. It’s a fact that we are constantly learning. I love how connected everything is. You don’t attend the men’s groups Anne, but you naturally are affected by them, and how you’re affected is entirely up to how you receive it. Amazing.

  75. And so goes the incredible cycle of evolution, one says yes to being more and the offer is handed on for another to say yes and walk the same path. Do we say yes and feel what is on offer with deep appreciation or do we stay stuck, chained to a way we falsely perceive as being safe????

  76. This really reminds me that the deeper I go in knowing myself and the more I bring to the relationships I have with people around me – a great inspiration to never stop exploring thank you.

  77. So much is presented here to discuss the first being how we use people, including so called harmless things like hugs to fill a need.. so as you expressed Paul how we as both men and women play the game and manipulate others to fulfil a need and when we do this we are not wanting to see, truly address or heal ill patterns, ideals, beliefs or hurts that we have been carrying around . Secondly how inspiring in that you actually went there. Meaning you did not dismiss what the woman coming up to you presented but asked yourself the question why do you only hug men and not women and in going there much was unfolded for you. Gosh how much would the world change if we reflected on everything that was presented to us by others, read it and went there instead of ignoring or dismissing it! And so now you can see that manipulation for what it is. Anne I also love your honesty with what was going on for you while Paul was attending the men’s groups (groups like these are deeply needed for boys and men). It also goes to show how when one persons starts to deepen and appreciate their relationship with themselves and others how this beautifully has an impact on another asking them to be more. I love that you wrote this article together.

  78. A beautiful testimony how it always comes back to ourselves, to deepen our relationship with ourselves, and how the living ways of others can support and inspire us to do so.

    1. I agree Esther it does come back to our relationships with ourselves, developing a more loving relationship from within support us with all our relationships in life.

  79. I enjoy the deep honesty between men and women in the patterns that have run us when we are in unawareness. These lessons are sometimes very hard, but it is inspiring to see where and how these areas have held back what is the love within us. It is not easy to let go of attachment but ultimately with attachment there is never true freedom and it is only in true love that we can be free.

  80. I am inspired to look at my relationships with men and women after reading this awesome blog. I can feel my relationships with women are not the same as my relationships with men. Being more aware of this helps me understand why and to let go of any reservations to go deeper in my relationships with both men and women. It would be interesting to observe myself in my interactions and how I am in my relationships. To observe my thoughts and feelings with more awareness.

  81. It is beautiful to read that you love to hug men Paul, and what is felt from what you share is that you embrace from your heart and not the learned rather rough and shoulder tapping hugs that we have made so normal among men.

  82. It is gorgeous to see how we can develop or evolve back to who we truly are, with every choice we make. I can account that it is a huge support to talk with men about our issues and that which holds us back, it is our responsibility when we know something can be different to go and live it and enjoy life to the fullest.

  83. My husband attends a men’s group and how he is with me and with others has changed as a result. I went through some of the same things you describe Anne, including jealousy, but now that has turned to inspiration. It’s confirmation that there is great power in making more loving choices for oneself and that the consequences touch everyone.

  84. Yes we do have a choice in relationships to see that when things come up they are just there to heal, they are not there to complicate or be obstructive, but to let go of all that is not loving and bring true evolution.

  85. I love the absolute honesty in this blog, and how you invited your soul to help with your awareness Paul, ‘The question I asked my Soul, to clearly show me the truth, with all the awareness I could handle was…’. What then came through in your dreams as an answer made so much sense.

  86. It is always great to read and feel wisdom in what has been written. There is a sense of empowerment if it is simply understood.
    The gems that I take away from this and how beautifully they flow together – accept, take responsibility and appreciate.
    Accept – “this I now know and understand as I have lived in the same way.”
    Take Responsibility – “showing us that something is not right and if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.”
    Appreciate – “For me the way forward is to meet people with the love that I am and to not hold back, to not measure my love: anything less shows me something is wrong.”

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