by Anne Malatt & Paul Moses, Newrybar Australia
Paul’s Story
One recent Saturday I went to a Universal Medicine event. I entered the hall and proceeded to walk to the back; on doing so saying hello and hugging people that I met. After a short time a beautiful woman came and asked for a hug. She said that she so wanted a hug from me, that she had seen me hug many men and it felt so loving, but she asked why I had not hugged many women. I love her hugs and this one was no exception; however this time her words and her hug delivered something that left me needing to go deeper.
Why had I mainly hugged men?
One reason was that I have built loving relationships with many men through the Universal Medicine men’s circle I have been attending, which I cherish dearly.
But there was more: I actually felt to hug the men and not a lot of women for a reason; why? The question I asked my Soul, to clearly show me the truth, with all the awareness I could handle was… why did I meet people in this measured way?
Why did I not love women and men equally?
For the next few nights my dreams were full. I was shown myself interacting with men: these were very confronting relationships as I was shown how I used the way I spoke, dressed, moved, acted and my sexual practise to manipulate men for my needs, my gain. Sex with men! Was I gay? Finally it dawned on me: I was a woman, not in this life but in a previous life.
I had manipulated men using my womanhood at the expense of myself and these men – using my status as a woman to use men. I was no stranger to using people: I have used women for sex and status for much of my life, but for the first time I realised I was also being used – through my need to be seen with a beautiful or successful woman, my need for sex, my need for mothering, and my craving for tenderness.
My ‘need’ was met by an equal need in women, and hence the feeling of manipulation.
With the support of the men’s group, we as men live in a tender way with each other which has allowed us to let go of many needs such as mothering, sex and to be seen as an ideal.
This in turn has cleared the way to allow an awareness of what I feel, and I do feel a manipulative energy from some women – this I now know and understand as I have lived in the same way. The difference now is that I don’t react to it as I have no attachment to that manipulation: I can see it for what it is as I have cleared it in myself.
THE WAY FORWARD
I have developed an understanding of how issues we carry from life-to-life remain incomplete and as a result, how we are manipulated through these openings, these needs. We have a choice to remain in these ‘separative’ ways that keep us apart, or to see them as a blessing, showing us that something is not right and if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.
For me the way forward is to meet people with the love that I am and to not hold back, to not measure my love: anything less shows me something is wrong. And I look forward to many beautiful hugs with the amazing women and men we equally all are.
Anne’s Story
I have always had many male friends and until recently, only a very few close female friends. I preferred the company of men – they were direct, uncomplicated, and appreciative! I found it hard to trust most women – to be frank, I found them insecure, jealous, competitive, dishonest and two-faced, and I behaved in the same ways at times.
As I have matured, my relationships with women have deepened and grown, but these issues still surface from time to time.
When Paul started attending the Universal Medicine men’s groups I initially felt relief, as we had a night off at home to do as we pleased! While the kids and I watched ‘Modern Family’ and ate something sweet, he was deepening his relationships, with himself and with other men.
JEALOUSY
After a time I began to feel jealous. I felt he was developing a depth of loving relationship with these men that he did not have with me. And I felt confronted by the fact that he felt willing and able to commit an evening each week to developing this love for himself and others, and I did not. At first I made it about my busy-ness – my commitment to the children and other commitments – but I soon realised I did not have enough self-love to ask for or allow myself a night off once a week from my commitments, for myself.
Each week Paul brings home from the men’s meetings a greater degree of awareness, understanding and self-acceptance.
As the weeks pass, I feel more and more grateful for the men’s circle. Paul has found a space in which he feels free to express himself in full, without reservation, without judgement, and to share his experiences with men who understand how he feels. In this he has been able to let go of his need for and attachment to me, and this has allowed our connection to deepen, our relationship to blossom.
BEING THE TRUE WOMAN I AM
Even though I do not attend the meetings and am not privy to what is shared, I feel I have grown in love along with the men. I have been confronted with my own needs, my own attachments, and have been offered an opportunity to heal them, to let them go. I feel called to be more open, more honest, more loving, more true. As the men work on their issues, I feel more free and more inspired to be the true woman I am.
We are forever inspired by the life and work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
This really reminds me that the deeper I go in knowing myself and the more I bring to the relationships I have with people around me – a great inspiration to never stop exploring thank you.
And so goes the incredible cycle of evolution, one says yes to being more and the offer is handed on for another to say yes and walk the same path. Do we say yes and feel what is on offer with deep appreciation or do we stay stuck, chained to a way we falsely perceive as being safe????
“…if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.”
This is so true Paul and I have often experienced this, that if I truly want to know something from the depth of my heart, without any self-gain in mind, the answer comes to me. This may come through an inner knowing, by meeting someone, reading something or in a dream – there is so many ways that we can find the answers to life.
It is deeply beautiful that as Paul began to address his issues and clear what stood in the way of developing and deepening relationships with both men and women, you were pulled to confront what you too needed to be healed and as a result have been inspired to be the true woman you are…. A gorgeous opportunity for you both to learn to move together differently in life and as such inspire others with what is possible.
This is a blog that should be read by all! I feel you both, Anne and Paul are a great example to us all where relating is concerned. I can see myself where hugs are concerned and my not expressing my love as easily with men as I do with women!
This is really beautiful to read, and it’s true we so often have a way in relating with the other or our own gender. It is inspiring to look into this myself, and develop a deeper understanding of all that is going on.
Dear Paul and Anne, Thank you both for sharing so honestly and intimately your beautiful, ever deepening and unfolding ‘learning to love women and men’ equally. I am deeply touched and inspired.
It is incredibly beautiful when we are honest enough to see the reflection and take responsibility, in that we can feel the hurt from our previous choices, putting an end to the cycle of abuse to ourselves and to others.
Brilliant sharing Anne and Paul. What stands out to me is the beautiful way you describe that how we have lived in the past comes back to us now. What a greater level of understanding this offers to the way we behave today. If we approach this as kindly as you do we can heal this ‘stuff’ and be equally loving with all the men and women that we know.
This is a great reminder of how prepared are we to go for true intimacy with ourselves and others, or continue to strive to get our needs met through another?
I am very inspired by your relationship with each other. You remind me that it is ok for issues to come up with another if we are willing to take responsibility and be honest about what we feel.
Paul’s way forward resonates with me too, that is to live love in all areas of my life equally so for any holding back, contraction, shutting down means there is something to be healed and that is within me. It means observing and allowing myself to feel any reaction, a hurt that comes up. “The difference now is that I don’t react to it as I have no attachment to that manipulation: I can see it for what it is as I have cleared it in myself” – this is truly inspiring.
This blog highlights the power of truly loving ourselves and how love supports us to open up to be love and therefore be open to sharing our love with others and allowing their love in.
Thank you, Paul and Anne. Paul, I love how you asked your soul for guidance and that you got the answer via your dreams. There is far more to our dreams than we realize.
Thank you Paul and Anne, this is very inspiring, I really enjoyed your honest account of your feelings in relationship with others.
Thank you Anne and Paul for this honest blog. “For me the way forward is to meet people with the love that I am and to not hold back, to not measure my love: anything less shows me something is wrong.” That insight is really something we should learn from day one as it would help to stop our society (men and women) to play all this manipulative games which only leads to more control and hardness.
Thank you Anne and Thank you Paul, your words touched me.. As I start to deeply feel and connect to what you are saying about relationships (with yourself and others). And how this is ingredient with behaviors, needs and expectations at times, not even realizing this is not our original way, our essence or who we are. And to not judge any of our choices but simply see them and love ourselves, so our commitment to self-love grows instead of drops. Great great work both! And thank you Paul for going to those men groups.
Your last point Anne is so important, the more we work on our stuff and clearing it all out the way, the more opportunity and space we give to other people to do the same. As your partner deemed his relationship with himself, he invited you to do the same… That’s got to be one of the biggest gifts in the world you can give someone.
I love what you are sharing here. It shows that everything has to do with us, that we cannot push it aside and say this does not concern me and that it is possible to find why we are doing certain things and then are able to let go of them.
Coming back to this blog has allowed me to stop and question my own attachments to my relationships being a certain way which until this moment I had not been aware that this was the case even though the signs were all right in my face. That is something I have learnt again and again over the last few years – the healing that can come from relationships, not just couples but friendships/family/work as well, because we get to see a different angle on the same thing we are also experiencing. That different angle has repeatedly shook me out of the hold I have been in when it comes to relating to life. Thank you Paul and Anne.
I have had the opposite experience where the majority of my close friends have been women with a few close male friends. (Which I may add are very in touch with their femininity, both straight and gay)
There is no right or wrong to whom or what gender we befriend more readily however a great starting point is to reflect to others how we control our social bubbles and deflect things we may not want to be aware of. In my case the rough and readiness of male pack energy.
The Universal Medicine men’s groups are allowing men to express and be the tender, open and loving beings they are and many women are discovering that despite all the surface chatter that they can be inspired by these men to take their relationships to a deeper and truer level.
It is truly beautiful when men support themselves. The love and care men can bring to themselves and to others is really needed. I have also watched the many men of the Universal Medicine student body blossom within themselves and with each other from the men’s groups. Previously my only experience of men were of them being hardened, “tough”, closed down, non communicative and imposing. Now I’m around men who feel still, gorgeous, expressive, loving and caring, and they love who they are. They don’t feel “tough” but they do feel beautifully strong. It’s great to experience what a Gentleman truly means. Watching these men grow and change has also given me tremendous understanding in the pressures men face to not be their true selves. Universal Medicine truly understands men and does great work supporting them.
Re reading your joint sharing Paul and Anne I can see how I treat men differently to women. I had an example of it on the weekend and recognised my discomfort and the unnatural conversation I had with someone I had met for the first time. Its like there is an effort required when talking to men, it doesn’t come naturally to me and this is something for me to consider and ponder now it has come t o the fore again.
How amazing is it to truly express, and when I have opened up and expressed, this has allowed me to nominate the ideals that held me so I could heal those ill issues from my past. I had no idea these ills existed and therefore by the fact of letting go of my past ills I have become more loving. As I open up to honesty over the last 12 years my relationships with all of humanity has changed to one of being truly loving for everyone equally!
I loved reading this. It is great to be able to bring such honesty to the ways in which we manipulate each other as men and women. This is what sets us free and paves the way for true relationship.
There is no question in my mind that we all need both relationships and that they feed each other. The time I spend with men (as long as it is intimate and tender) massively supports my relationship with my wife. And her vice versa. So now, I love meeting up with “the boys.” I love it. But there isn’t a beer or Sports TV screen in sight!
I agree Otto, the ‘Universal Medicine Men’s Groups’ are bringing a reality that feels so true to all my relationships and we are definitely sharing a true ‘tenderness and intimacy’. Maybe you could do a reality T.V. series on the ‘Universal Medicine Men’s Group’? As there is none of what is so called normal boys will be boys banter going on, so honesty sets the tone and the world definitely needs a true reflection of tender gentle-men. We are reflecting the life changes that are possible via a medium that can reach those who are ready!
I love the way you each share your perspective Anne and Paul. It beautifully shows that if one partner makes different choices how it always has an effect on the other and it is really up to them to make a choice what to do with that.
I love your honesty and openness Paul and Anne that you share in this blog. I have been deeply touched by the way the men in the student body hug each other and can share their tenderness openly with each other, I remember clocking this at first and feeling this quality the men share is something the women in the student body can be inspired by and this is how we support each other to evolve.
Re-reading your blog today and I am inspired by the depth of the connection we can have. It gives me a lot to ponder on, what depth do I choose in all my relationships and do I appreciate what is on offer all of the time. In other words do I surrender and say yes to God.
From my late teens onward, I often felt more comfortable around men than I did around women, and looking at this now I feel it’s because I didn’t feel jealous or threatened by them (unlike what I felt with other women!). I’m not sure that I was anymore true to myself with men than women but I did feel more in control of situations. Over the past 6 years I’ve been working on my relationship with myself and have been working on my relationship with both men and women & I find there is always something to deepen about how much I’m being myself (and not trying to prove, defend etc)…
What a beautiful revelation, having love for ourselves is so important. Choosing this is very empowering in every relationship we have.
Oh so beautiful to read this blog again, thank you Anne and Paul. It is deeply confirming. Your ripples of love and understanding emanating far and wide.
Your combined experience goes to show that expression is indeed everything and that once we start to make it a consistent part of our lives, it has the propensity to inspire those around us through the ripple effect.
Your blog is a true reflection of the ripple effect of choosing and committing to the love that we are and how a relationship is a process of evolving together.
‘I have developed an understanding of how issues we carry from life-to-life remain incomplete and as a result, how we are manipulated through these openings, these needs. We have a choice to remain in these ‘separative’ ways that keep us apart, or to see them as a blessing, showing us that something is not right and if we only ask, we get to see the truth all too clearly.’ I love this awesome but confronting blog and thank you both for sharing so honestly because I resonate with so much of both your experiences. I still measure how I am with men and can really feel how this impacts on all my relationships. I also hold back from women and although this is slowly changing it feels to me like my issue is with trusting myself and others because of deeply held patterns that have come through from other lives and that I have been reluctant to address. As I deepen my appreciation for myself I am dropping the fear I have of showing my vulnerability and this is expanding my willingness to go there with other people.
This is awesome! What an unfolding!
I can now see how the judgmental way I was addressing the issues of others has been a very abusive cover up of my own issues and my reluctance to take responsibility for them.
Thank-you Anne and Paul for this blog. It has given me a lot to ponder, for if I am willing to be honest I do behave differently around most men, than when I’m around other women and I have been doing this measured way of being for as long as I can remember.
I both love and feel confronted by what is offered in this blog, how we can ask ourselves what is truly going on and we will be shown, and how taking that time to deepen our connection reflects the love we have for ourselves. I feel that we are always asked to go deeper and often I get to a place where it is comfortable and I want to coast for a bit, reading this today reminds me not to stop and also to appreciate the willingness I have to go deeper, and how as we all do, it allows for a deepening of our relationships with others. Thanks Anne and Paul for sharing your ever deepening relationship with yourselves and each other.
Yes Monica I can relate to wanting to coast but am also appreciating my willingness to go deeper with myself and others and feel reading this blog is so supportive in that process.
It is beautiful to read how a relationship can change through commitment to ourselves and with this we can love the other more, knowing more of who we are and what we deem important brings a clarity and an even deeper level of love and understanding.
The men’s groups have provided men with a loving supportive environment in which they feel able to share openly and honestly, knowing they won’t be judged or criticised in any way. This has enabled them to go to a deeper level in themselves and as a group as a whole.
Isn’t it amazing to what an extent we as men have made our whole lives about judgement and competition? What an incredible experience to be in a group of men where you make it about equality, honesty and openness and can feel save to experiment just to be who you really are. This offers each of us an enormous potential to move on and let go of old patterns, as when we meet each others as equals instead of trying to outdo each other, we will make it about supporting each other.
I feel this too Carmin. My husband is such a beautiful, exquisitely tender man which exposed my own lack of tenderness, and has inspired me to develop this for myself. I have learned so much from him and other men in the Universal Medicine Student Body.
There’s so much here in your amazingly honest blog Anne and Paul. What comes to me right now is that it can be so easy to slip into feeling jealous of someone close to us who is deepening their relationship with themselves and taking flight, but if we drop turn the jealousy into appreciation instead, then we allow the inspiration being presented to us to be felt. This way we all evolve.
Thank you for being so honest in your sharing, it is beautiful to read. Very inspiring how you have come to deepen your relationship with yourselves and each other.
Beautiful honest sharing from you both. I have shared a similar experience with my partner who also attend a weekly mens group. Breaking through the moulds that men often wear with each other is life changing and i am forever inspired by the tenderness and sweetness that has re-surfaced for all these men.
I really appreciated reading both blogs together, getting the Male and Female view is always a growing experience. There is much I can take from both, thank you.
What you have presented here Anne and Paul is very inspiring, I really appreciate your honesty and openness. By reading your blog a couple of times I learnt so much and felt an expansion and a deeper understanding of the way I relate to men and women.
Thank you both.
So true Brendan – relationships provide an awesome opportunity to be aware of the things which affect us through the reflection of others and when there is a foundation of love in the relationship or even simply in communication the possibilities are endless.
I agree Brendan and Michael, relationships are great at bringing things up for us to look at and change so we can be more loving. There is always space to deepen our love with ourselves, our partner and with everybody else. Yes we can make choices alone but with others through their reflection it is often much easier to see the choices we are making and the way we are living.
True. It is a great opportunity to be in a relationship as a constant reflection of my own level of love, tenderness and acceptance of who we both are and what we can express in full.
Men really deepening their relationships without football and booze is such a blessing for all the men in the world, effectively paving the forward for all- it’s music to the ears
What is highlighted here for me is the power of being willing to be truthful and heal what there is to heal. Holding back maintains the issues, being open and honest in relationships does offer the potential to heal.
I agree Samantha, nothing changes when we hold back from saying what is there to be said. When we start to become honest, open and truthful with ourselves and others then anything is possible and slowly but surely we begin to let go of the issues and hurts we have been carrying around with us that have stopped us from being open with everyone.
Our most personal relationship can and do become just functional if love is not identified and nurtured. Relationships can easily become about the everyday decisions like grocery shopping or choosing a cushion colour, and the love can be forgotten and slowly eroded away.
The knock on effects of more openness and honesty on the people around the one choosing that openness is amazing to watch. People disarm when no one else is carrying a weapon or being protective.
To embrace the reflections we get through people is really key for our development.
It great how through the development of another we too can learn and be inspired to be more of who we truly are.
Paul and Anne I truly appreciate this blog it has so much to offer and allows me to see also how I measure my interaction with people.
To not measure our love and be open with all: “anything less shows me something is wrong.” This is so very wise – when we measure how we are with people it clearly is showing something about ourselves. To ponder on the manipulation as you have expressed is really exposing; and I love how Melinda Knights clarifies how we manipulate “to cope with the choice of not being in true connection to self.” Super insightful and life changing and all about bringing more love to self to arrest the need. Thank you both.
This is a great exposè on the truth behind needs – manipulation. I hadn’t really looked at it like that before. I can see how this is when the little “self” gets in the way and wants to use people in relationships to cope with the choice of not being in true connection to self. Needs make everyone less. Thank you Paul.
This is inspiringly honest what you have both shared. I can relate to the mistrust of women but also to a mistrust of men at different times in my life. Over time I learning to be more true (more myself) in my relationships as I explore and heal the hurts that have held me back.
I can relate Annie as this too is very much what i am willing to look at and develop within myself and with others in relationships – to heal the hurts that get in the way of expressing the bountiful love that is I, that is we and that is here.
Heartfelt thank you Paul and Anne for sharing yourselves so openly and honestly. To witness the way you both are so gracefully commitment to love and being love with all is very inspiring.
I have just come across this blog and it has stopped me in my tracks as being something for me to look at too! I love how this happens, and can feel a theme in it as I just read another quite different blog related to cars and how we drive. They both highlight though, that everything we do affects everything and everyone else and we can all feel this happening all of the time, its what we do with what we feel that counts. Lots for me to look at regarding how I am with men, different to how I am with women. Thanks to you both.
Me too Jeanette! I have noticed that I relate differently to men than to women and I hadn’t really stopped to consider why this is before now. I’m actually shocked that it hasn’t occurred to me to do so as it’s something that is quite obviously going to cap to amount of love that I allow in and out of myself. Plenty for me to take and ponder on – thank you Anne and Paul.
This is beautiful sharing. Thank you to both of you, for your openness, your honesty and the sharing of your learnings.
‘The question I asked my Soul, to clearly show me the truth, with all the awareness I could handle was… why did I meet people in this measured way?’
This sentence has helped my understanding in communicating with my Soul. It is there always, waiting for me to share and be with it. I instead get bogged down in my issues and address this with harshness and self-abuse. I am beginning to ask the question; ‘Would my Soul speak to me like that?’
Thank you for sharing this Paul.
its astonishing how we can feel jealous, because someone close to us is expressing themselves more freely with another than they do with ourselves. But I guess the best way to deal with that is to realise we are comparing ourselves to another person and look inside ourselves for acceptance and not see like we are failing, but rather we are all learning how to truly open ourselves up and share with others and that eventually we will all share equally.
When we deepen our relationship to ourselves, our relationships with others deepen also which allows our relationships to blossom and to develop and express intimacy which takes relationships to a new level.
Tenderness in men is deeply lacking in the world so it is so beautiful to read words littered with it’s gorgeousness and feel the power and beauty of what these men’s groups offer. Thank you for both sharing your experiences, this was a pleasure to read.
This is so sweet reading both sides of the story.. It’s clear that you would both communicate this way with each other in person and in your conversations which is so amazing – so honest and open with how you actually feel. A lot of people in relationships could really learn and be inspired by this. Thank you Paul and Anne.
Your blog is a great reminder for me that when we work on healing our own stuff, it also helps those around us heal theirs. It is never just about the individual, but about the whole. What a gift to women it is that the men attend the men’s groups with a commitment to deepening their relationships with themselves in turn develops all of their relationships. Thanks Anne and Paul for sharing.
Great point Donna that when we heal ourselves it has a knock on effect on everyone else. For me the men’s groups have been a huge support in taking down my defences.
Thank you Paul and Anne for your insightful sharing. There is much to reflect on here.
I agree- it’s beautifully huge!
Anne and Paul thank you both for sharing this aspect of your relationship and development. I too have found that my relationship with my husband has deepened enormously with his attendance and commitment to the men’s group, his relationships with these men and himself. Like you Anne I am not privy to anything that is discussed but I feel all that is brought to these groups through the loving, living expression of my husband.
Thank you Anne and Paul for sharing this blog. While I was reading this blog I also questioned how I am with men and women, do I respond equally to men as I do to women? I notice I tend to hold back more so with men. Something for me to look into and explore why.
The reflection I got from your story Anne, is how I am deeply committed to many areas in my life, but how inconsistent my commitment to myself is. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to bring this to my awareness.
Hello Paul, what your story highlighted for me is that if we ask from our hearts to see truth, it will be revealed to us.
The Mens Groups are nothing short of amazing, with men undoing the contraction in expression, and dealing with hurts.
Wonderful Paul, how you have cleared something in yourself like the manipulative energy. This gives you the opportunity to recognize it in other women, as you write, without judgment. Just see it for what it is.
Great blog, Paul and Ann. I realized recently the big difference between being in contact because I want or need something from another, to being in contact sharing all of me. The second gives me the freedom to be with and love everybody.
It has been beautiful and inspiring to see the men in the esoteric community deepen their relationships. Many are more open with women now too, like you Paul and it is without that using/objectification energy that tries to make a woman less. As the women also become less needy and manipulative it is truly beautiful to see lived equality unfold.
Thank you both for sharing so openly. It goes to show just how much we – men and woman, can learn from each other when willing to being really honest with ourselves, in so doing there becomes no limit to the depth we can connect with each other.
Very beautiful to read how the men’s groups effect every relationship we have, and how it changes the relationship between you two as well. Everything effects everyone.
Yes it does Benkt. And how lovely and inspiring is this fact that the more loving, open and honest we are can affect everyone else.
I have watched many of the men at the Universal Medicine events and felt a very loving, natural, tender way of them being with each other and with the women too. It really stands out as it is quite a contrast to the behaviours I normally witness when men get to gather in a group. I’m pretty sure most people have noticed this, the laddish-ness, the rough-ness, the putting each other and usually women down just to name but a few. I’m also pretty sure that most of us, have felt how sensitive and sweet men can be (if not, then at least in children), so if you can imagine men being this natural way with each other, it is a real treat.
Yes Laura, I have noticed a distinct difference between the way men are at Universal Medicine events compared with other gatherings. I just love their presence, tenderness, their ability and willingness to express openly and honestly. Just delightful.
I agree Laura, It is so healing to be met by a man who is accepting of the tenderness he is, and isn’t afraid to share this quality. Men and women can support each other when we accept and express from ourselves and not through the filter of hurts and expectations. This is how we build true relationships as Paul and Anne so beautifully share.
Reading this blog and enjoying every bit of it made me realise how much I love blogs ‘at two’. Men talking to men is simply life changing. The beauty that we are able to generate amongst ourselves is unheard of. This is reflected in the fact that we now hug and how!! This is also reflected in the fact that men have realised how easy is to talk to other men about life and how different is to talk to women about it. It generates space in couples as well as Anne beautifully said. It also confronts us with past lives. Unlike Paul, I feel that in my case the continuity is more related to letting people in or keeping them at bay. Having a good feeling of what we bring to this life is fantastic since we know what we have to work on.
I absolutely can see how the men’s groups are equally beneficial for the men and women, whether in relationship or not. This is a wonderful blog for both sexes to read and reflect upon. Thank you Paul and Anne.
It is amazing to feel men now, after they start the mens groups. For me personally very healing to feel, how they step away from beliefs of being the tough guy etc.. you beautifully shared how every decision is inspiring another and how you can grow in every kind of relationship, if we chose to become more of the natural us.
Thank you Paul and Anne, this is a wonderful duo/couple article that brings balance and perspective from the male and female unfoldment of love and self love within relationships.
Great stories Anne and Paul which show that living a life that is with measurement according to what we might think or believe means that who we really are, whether male or female, is always similarly measured or stunted, to affect the relationship we’re in and experiencing. But that when those stunting beliefs are removed, and the hounouring of oneself and one’s gender starts, the fullness of love in ALL relationships flourishes which deepens mutual trust. Beautiful to feel this in your post.
Very honest here. Quite inspiring to look at my own needs and attachments, and how they may be running my life.
What an awesome sharing – it’s lovely to feel what an effect the men’s group has had on you both Anne and Paul – deepening your connections to self and each other. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Thank you Anne and Paul, this is great. What a great blessing to read this. And wauw Anne, that is really powerfull. I love how you are saying : ‘I have been confronted with my own needs, my own attachments, and have been offered an opportunity to heal them, to let them go. I feel called to be more open, more honest, more loving, more true. As the men work on their issues, I feel more free and more inspired to be the true woman I am’.
This is so important, and so good to start realising. How beautiful it is to feel that by men working on their issues, it allowes us to be more loving, open en caring for ourselves. That is pretty amazing. This just shows – relationships are so healing for both – and can be used to strengthen and go deeper:)
Yes, this feels like the recipe for evolving relationships. When one partner takes a step aligned to his or her next expansion, it inspires the other to do the same. It is such a joy to feel the love and respect this fosters.
This is a gorgeous sharing and demonstrates how relationships play out and the opportunities that can be presented to us to deepen our relationship with ourselves, if we choose to.
Paul and Anne- How beautiful to see the depth of honesty and commitment to your own self development in sharing what you have both experienced. And with this deeper awareness can now share a more loving relationship with each other.
Paul and Anne, this is a very rich article – thank you for the openness and honesty.
This is such a lovely sharing Anne and Paul. I really thank you for your honesty and level of trust shared through your writing.
This is so relevant to our relationships in the world, how we conduct ourselves with each other maybe lifetimes old yet not considering this as a possibility creates a stop and the relationship can no longer develop until this block is cleared. The Esoteric men’s groups support a deeper intimacy for men within themselves, learning to love and share the tenderness that resides so deeply within each and every person. Paul and Anne you are both an inspiration to me – thank you for this sharing.
I can very much relate to the neediness and it is wonderful to be honest about it and just share it, in whatever relationship. Sometimes I feel like calling somebody but then I realize the intention is not love, it is just because I feel something I don’t want to feel, like the other day – I felt some emptiness, but I just stayed with it, went for a walk and ‘foof!’, it was gone. Then when I called, I called without the need of something, I called from openness and love. Such a difference.
This is such a great point you touch on Mariette, that when we call or are with others without having any need to be met or filled, how this changes the whole dynamic and sets the scene for us just to be ourselves, which is open and playfull.
Ah Yes Mariette, I too can relate to this need to be filled by another rather then feeling the emptiness and filling it myself with myself! I love what you have exposed in this pattern and that your walk was actually confirming you instead of confirming the need.
Paul and Anne I loved the two perspectives of this brilliant blog. It just proves that if we choose to share and bring our whole selves to the table, then that cements the way for others to look at what is blocking them to do the same. Fantastic.
Attending the men’s group has given me the opportunity to deepen my relationship with myself as a man first and with other men and to truly honour and appreciate those innate qualities that we all are. It has also allowed me to express the love that I feel for men and women alike.Thank you for a lovely sharing.
And your depth and tenderness Franciscoclara8 radiates like the sun.
The men’s group has been a blessing for all who attend and also all the women and families who surround those men.
What an amazing insight you were given by your soul Paul, to be shown how, as a woman in previous lives, you behaved with men. I really admire the work you and the men are doing in the men’s groups. It shows, and we women are inspired, as Anne has shared.
It’s funny how in letting go of an attachment or need to be with someone it actually opens up the possibility for the relationship to go deeper. This is contrary to what we are led to believe, that the more we attach to someone the closer we get, but I can see now this isn’t the way to build a solid relationship.
I too have been inspired by the men’s group, and observing the changes in the way the men relate with one another, and the tenderness and love between them. The beauty of the way the men have become so much more natural and open in their expression has inspired me to deepen my relationships with women and men.
What a beautiful and tender sharing from you both Paul and Anne. Thank you for exploring and sharing these topics so openly with us all.
There’s a lot to learn for everybody equally from your open and honest sharing. Awesome. Thank you.
Loved reading this again. I am currently being more open and connected with other women and reading about your relationships with each other and others supports this.
Thank you for this blog Anne and Paul, your honesty is inspiring. I love how you asked your Soul, Paul, I love to do that too and learn to understand the messages in my dreams as well.
It’s great to read something that has been shared in this way. Thank you.
I love the honesty with which you both share. When one partner in a relationship is doing work to deepen their connection to self it can evoke feelings of comparison and jealousy in the other partner, but you both use this as an opportunity to deepen the connection you have and to evolve as a couple.
Thank-you Paul and Anne for sharing together, this awesome blog.
So many layers cloud the way we can openly let each other in, don’t they – whether ‘the other’ be a man, or a woman… and it takes due diligence and a willingness to see and feel the subtleties that hold us back, that we may all truly move ‘forward’, out of the shackles that have basically, held our expression of love with each other, back.
My husband has also attended mens circles and most usually arrives home in a state of ‘quiet depth’ within himself, which is truly beautiful to behold. And I know that he feels the deepening levels of depth within me, when I return home from a Sacred Movement group (for women), for example.
We are both enriched, and at times challenged to go deeper – this, to me, is what a true relationship is all about.
I relate to the neediness we meet each other with in all kind of relationships. I can see it my relationships with men. I have chosen to be honest about this and I am gradually letting it go so I can just be me and live true love with others.
I was touched by the honest observation of measuring people, Paul. Reading this I can see more clearly how I tend to measure people as well in different aspects and to understand the dynamics of it and the consequence it has concerning the relationship to my partner. It is beautiful to see how your evolvement has called Anne to step up and outgrow hiding behind her mothering and being busy role to live the awesome woman she truly is. Thank you for sharing.
It blows me away the dynamics that can exist between people in relationships. I can feel you both have a very deeply loving connection and even with this jealousy and dynamics can still occur. It shows that that is part of evolution and are actually moments for us to deepen the love we share with the other and with ourselves. Thank you both for sharing this.
Paul and Anne,
Reading your writing is so inspiring. It has also brought a greater understanding for myself in my relationship. Your openness Anne about feeling jealous is something that I too can relate to. Jealously is a feeling that I feel much less nowadays as I deepen my love for me, there are much less reasons to feel jealous. I know now who I am and what I bring to this world and as I live this more and more the contentment I feel as I live my life leaves very little room for jealously.
Paul, your story has given me a lot to ponder with how I measure my hugs. It’s not an open and giving act as it’s something I measure. Eeek!
“My ‘need’ was met by an equal need in women, and hence the feeling of manipulation”. I think most would agree that relationships are usually based on needs, and how we can get the other to fill those needs, this dynamic was at play in my past relationships. But once we get honest at what is at play and heal our own issues, this opens this space to bring more of the real you to the relationship as we let go of control and insecurities. Thank you for sharing.
Barriers between genders can be hard, particularly for teenagers, when most ladies (in my case) are hard to approach because you might ‘press their buttons’, or they just simply feel hurt from true connection. Either way, this blog shows that true time and commitment yield some cool results!
Great sharing. I can understand what you both have said.. firstly about the manipulating men, as I have been very slowly understanding the extent I do that to and am only just starting to see that… which feels terrible. It feels scary, accountable and great that men are starting to understand and see that in women to.. and secondly, the jealousy of another evolving whilst you choose not to. Have both received and experienced this. It’s interesting the way we interact with others. whether that interaction be coming more from past lives or from now.
Hi Paul, if it’s true that we have all been men and women before then this is ground breaking. It means that there is something deeper than our gender that we can access and express from. And it therefore means that the barriers we have between the genders whilst we could say are real are not really true.
Yes, this revelation is ground breaking and huge. We can be locked into gender roles, stereotypes and manipulation of each other for our own gain, but as you say Dean, that if there is something deeper than our gender that we can access and express from this blows the way we could behave with each other out of the water.
Spot on Dean and Rachel, gender barriers are just another block that we can choose to move beyond and simply express from the loveliness that we all are. Deeply empowering and beautiful, whilst also confronting, to witness the expansion in people who are willing to go there.
Beauty-full article Paul and Anne – very inspiring indeed…
What an amazing, surprising and wonderful blog, showing how two people can find a depth in their relationship through observing and experiencing the deepening in each other as they work in their own ways on their inner issues. I now realise that is what I and my partner do in our way, and what a richness it brings to our daily living, rather than always discussing or working with an issue that exists between us. We do challenge each other on occasions though!
Thanks Anne and Paul, for this cracker. It made me realise I still do the ‘measured love’ thing and hold back with some people. Also a good reminder of the power and importance of the gift of the Universal Medicine men’s circle.
Thank you Paul and Anne, so beautiful to hear both sides and how this has worked to build a deeper connection in your relationship. To feel the true and honest expression of men in their tenderness is both amazing and beautiful.
It is amazing how the two stories work together, presenting something different but also the same. It is amazing to read about a man so willing to be open and honest about his feelings, so much so that it has helped others open up to more love and honest themselves. Thank you both for sharing.
Thank you Paul and Anne for a truly honest and thought-provoking blog.
I’m fascinated by how previous lives can influence our current one.
If we have all been both men and women before, that could explain many things.
I must admit that overt displays of affection, especially with men, has never been
my thing! However, after doing my first retreat, it seemed perfectly natural to exchange
hugs with everybody!
Thank you Paul and Anne for sharing with such deep honesty.
I have noticed great change in my husband this year since he has made the choice to attend a regular men’s circle. He said that he loves to go and be a part of something that is real and he is speaking what he feels and not holding back as he used to.
I have always got on with men and my issue has been other women and living a life of comparison has been a undercurrent that has played out with my two sisters from a young age. Comparison is a killer and really stops you moving on in life.
The more I hang out with me and commit to loving and caring for myself things have worked out and comparison does not have a hold on me anymore like it used to.
I have learnt heaps from the life and work of Serge Benhayon and this man really does walk the talk in full.
Yes Bina comparison is a killer. It keeps you busy and distracted all the time, guarantees frustration and stress, creates mistrust and will not let compliments truly in.
Once we allow ourselves to honestly and lovingly look at ourselves, we will see what an amazing person we are. With that happening, stillness, simplicity and joy will start to spread in our lives and all around us.
Thank you Paul and Anne for sharing your stories so openly and honestly
I am constantly inspired by the tenderness I feel in men like yourself, Paul and it is raising the bar for me, who like you Anne, have felt it difficult to deepen my relationships with women due to previous experiences. Men have always seemed so much simpler and more honest to me. Yet what is in them is in me too, and by recently opening up to group work with women, I have realised how immensely supportive, tender and inspirational women are, also. I am re-learning much about true relationship and your blog has opened my heart to a deeper awareness of love, equality and commitment.
This great blog has brought to light for me how in the past, when my wife has been really feeling amazing, connecting with herself deeply and with greater understanding of life, I have gone into comparison or jealousy; tending to dampen or sabotage that feeling in her to make me feel better about myself. I have now realised just how ludicrous this approach is, as couples can really help each other grow with greater awareness, when we just allow each other to be – without these silly games of comparison, that only end up hurting both of us.
Spot on, Michael. Thank you for revealing this. The support from being in a couple is enormous, yet sometimes we can let it become clouded with comparison, or the need to be taken care of, or feeling threatened when one person is stepping up and we do not want to be left behind, or even worse when one is stepping up and chooses to step back down to not make the other feel uncomfortable. It is all such an amazing learning!
This is so lovely to read both sides of the experience Anne and Paul. What I love is the way that even though both of you are allowing your own independent time to spend with yourselves there is most definitely a feeling that you are indeed working as a team or in effect, deepening your relationship together.
Beautifull article. I love what Paul has written “The question I asked my Soul, to clearly show me the truth, with all the awareness I could handle was… why did I meet people in this measured way?”. This is really timely for me to read right now, and I completely agree with Anne it is a wonderful thing to see the men who have been part of the men groups, they are gentle, open, tender and loving it is very inspiring and beautiful to see.
This is so awesome you guys, what a lovely idea. I can totally relate to both stories here joyfully as I too have been jealous and felt less but since having been strengthening my commitment, attending the men’s groups and holding awareness of my stillness, I am loving what that brings to all my relationships.
Dear Paul and Anne, what I can feel from this blog is your commitment to truth no matter what. What an amazing foundation for a relationship. I am really inspired by your sharing, thank you.
Paul and Anne, what a beautiful sharing and blog. It’s given me a whole new understanding of how we can be with each other and how choosing to be less with anyone affects us all. You’ve given me much to consider about how I am with men and women. Over the last few years I’ve increasingly been opening up to men and allowing myself to fully appreciate all they bring in their tenderness and your blog reminds me. And something highlighted, also struck me about how I can set time aside for me, no matter what my commitments are, this is possible if I allow it (I often don’t) so definitely one I will now consider and explore, thank you.
Awesome such openness. Thank you.
I appreciate the honesty and openness too to support others in how they relate to men and women. Thank you.
What a great sharing Paul and Anne. It highlights for me how I am not the same with men and women, and will hold back with certain people and not others. Your blog has inspired me to look more deeply at this. Thank you.
Thank you Paul and Anne, I can feel a deepening awareness and appreciation for yourself, each other, the men and people in your life and also what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present and express. I too, in reading your blog, feel a deepening appreciation and awareness in the power of these blogs and what the student body brings. They allow us an opportunity to stop, to connect and bring an awareness to areas we may have chosen to ignore or maybe didn’t realise yet were there to explore.
Each blog and sharing brings us all something to contemplate, ponder on and express.
I love the commitment you both have to see what is truly going on.
It is lovely that we get to hear both sides of the story as it were. It is a great blessing when situations like this are so honestly and heart-felt-ly expressed by both parties. Something which would normally separate a couple, thanks to your commitment to selves, has only brought you closer.
Thank you Anne & Paul. I and my wife, Rowena, also have deep appreciation for what Serge Benhayon has seeded in the mens’ circles and you both have expressed it so tenderly and lovingly.
Yes I agree Jonathan. The honesty, sharing, compassion and awareness that has arisen from the Men’s meetings are not only extremely inspiring but very supportive and educational too. Our relationship has definitely benefitted from each and every meeting as we are both enriched by what takes place between the men gathered, even though only one of us attends. The more Jonathan has understood himself, the more open and tender he has become. Men are such sensitive, exquisite beings and society has heaped a great deal of expectations and demands on their shoulders. It is a joy to see not only Jonathan, but many, many more gorgeous tender beautiful men emerging from underneath these burdens, to show the world who they truly are. It’s Awesome!
Thank you Anne and Paul. I found your sharing very powerful. Just reading it helped me to deepen. It is always a treat to read a blog that is a sharing from two people.
Thank you, this has given me much to ponder on. I recently went to a gathering where everyone was hugging hello and I really didn’t feel like hugging anyone, but ‘obliged’ anyway, not wanting to appear off. We often hold back and it’s good to explore deeper and let go of old patterns of neediness or protection. I love seeing how the men around me are evolving through their connections in the men’s groups, it is helping me to change my own perceptions about men and how they are with women.
I agree Carmel, feeling how awesome, open and deeply caring the men are with each other, makes it easier to be with them without putting up a guard. It’s just lovely and very natural.
This is awesome Paul and Anne.
Dear Paul and Anne, thank you for sharing this. This is a huge inspiration for me, and has confronted me with my habits and deeper layers of comparison inside me. Comparison between me and other men … who is better … in whatever. And in comparison between me and women … what´s the difference between us … instead asking: what is uniting us as men and women? I love this blog.
Well said, Michael, and thank you… for until reading your comments I had not really claimed that I can, and often do, go into comparison and do not ask the question, “what is uniting us as men and women?” Great question, I will take into my day and ponder it.
Thank you Michael and Jonathan for highlighting the question “What is uniting us as men and women?” Once it has been asked it seems so obvious yet we live on a planet with seven billion others more concerned with the opposite question “What is it that separates us as men and women?”..
Thanks Paul and Anne, I likewise feel a deep appreciation for what Universal Medicine and more recently the men’s cricles have added to my life (hopefuly to those around me as well).
Anne and Paul this is nothing short of magic. The magic of love and communication. Tony and I have also experienced huge shifts in our relationship since he started attending the Men’s Circle meetings. Like you have both experienced, we are re-claiming ourselves more as the woman and man we are. I find another reason I have held back from men in the past has been a protection. My father used to explain to me how unfair it was for a woman to lead a man on, my reaction to this information was to hold myself back from men. Only recently have I started to let go of this and boy-oh-boy was I missing out. Men are deeply caring supportive people that have so much to offer us all. Who knew, I love men!
Thank you Toni I have also been deeply affected by my father’s similar views and held myself back in fear of being misinterpreted. I can feel how this has impacted my relationships with everyone and it is beautiful to start to open up and feel the tenderness of men and women.
Thank you both for sharing and being open to discuss how and what affects you, but more importantly what you are bringing to the relationship for yourselves and each other. I felt a real love in the words that you have written and that gave me a moment that I too was able to feel how my relationship is with my wife, not that it’s text book perfect for that’s not what anyone’s way of life is about, but it’s real and one that is going forward each and every moment.
Paul and Anne what an amazing sharing.
I have had a challenging week where it felt like I had been pushed off centre. Being ‘off’ my game definitely had an impact on my relationship with others as I held myself back and contracted away from situations. This then only pushed me further off my game, which meant as the week went on I moved further away from myself. Even within my family relationships, husband and daughter, there was a backing off, less communicating or expressing, less sharing, and no asking for support.
None of this works – none of this shutting down and holding back brings me back to myself. I spent more time yesterday reflecting on the week and realised that I had to make one simple choice and that was to be all of me no matter what. As you beautifully expressed Paul, ‘to meet people with the love that I am and to not hold back’. In even being able to think this thought and share it with my husband I could feel how I was already moving back closer to my centre, no longer pushed off balance.
As you have expressed Anne ‘I feel called to be more open, more honest, more loving, more true.’. I can feel this pull as the men meet weekly, because my husband brings home more of himself each week, and as much as I love this, at times it exposes some of my comforts as a woman. Again, if I react to this no matter how subtly, or ignore the pull to be more of myself – then I am knocked off centre.
So over time my husband and I are learning to deepen our commitment and love for ourselves, and thus our relationship naturally deepens.