562 thoughts on “To Change My Name or Not – That is the Question”

1. How many of us go into a relationship with fed ‘pictures’ of how it should be and because we have these set pictures there is this expectation of as you say Leigh, ‘wanting the other to be different’

2. Our names are so transitory but the way we live our Livingness will support our evolution in so many ways! Maybe Water is more to do with our evolution than blood, which is setting the cat amongst the pigeon’s which is possibly an acronym for a bit of blood letting?

3. Interesting how a name change (or other actions for that matter) when not done as a true call, but done out of reaction can actually end up causing damage to oneself or others (children, partners etc). And yet when the same action is done as a true calling, it offers a healing for self and all others.

4. There is a lot of symbolism in a name change and sometimes it is a needed thing to support with a change, but in the end there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but rather each situation that unfolds itself to reveal what is needed.

   1. Henrietta I agree with you there is no right or wrong but rather each situation that unfolds itself to reveal what is needed.
      I know someone who decided to keep their married name even though they remarried because they felt that it wasn’t necessary it’s not the name but how they felt about themselves that mattered.

5. Leigh absolutely gorgeous sharing and I loved in particular how you shared about working through it all to come to the realisation that the name change was not what it was about, but rather that it was about the surrendering to the deeper part of you that was being asked.

6. Aligning to our Essence, Inner-most-heart / Soul allows us to heal any hurt and live in a True relationship with everyone and thus allow our evolution to deeper levels of Love.

7. Leigh, this is your name. A beautiful re-connection to the sweetness and vulnerability of who you naturally are.

8. I reckon most would weight up the answer to that question based on how much of a hassle it would be to inform people and businesses etc. But when you go underneath all of that, to the energy of choices made and to be made, then life gets a lot more interesting!

9. Leigh reading your blog today was a great reminder that every choice we make has the power to either let out who we truly are or cover it up, but nothing outside of us is greater than our own free will.

   1. Every choice we make is an opportunity and every opportunity that we get offers a choice – each one leads to the consequences which will depend on our choices and the intent behind those choices and the energy that we were in when we made the choice. Melinda you make a great point about each moment being an offering for us to live and let out all of who we are.

10. This is such a huge question you are posing Leigh
    “am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?”
    We are so conditioned by the way we live as you discovered that we shut ourselves down through ideals and beliefs that we take on without considering the impact they have on us or the people around us. The world is not set up to allow us to feel our sweetness or preciousness we are bludgeoned by our spirit that does not want to return to our essence because if we did it would have to rejoin the soul which is something it seperated from long ago to create this false ghastly life we all live.

11. “am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?” What a beautiful question and one we could all ask ourselves, knowing that there is no end point to these qualities and that they can give us as much joy in expressing them as to those with whom we share .

12. It is funny (or not so funny) how we let so many situations affect us ‘It was like getting married flicked a switch inside of me’ we should have our inner flame burning bright the whole time no matter what happens in our life.

    1. Absolutely Vicky, but everything is set up to keep our fiery Soul dulled down, so we have to re-align to our Essence, Inner-most-heart / Soul so we can respond to life and not be affected.

    2. I agree Vicky but we are conditioned from birth on how to be and live in this world the rules of engagement are interesting to say the least my generation was taught that girls would grow up knowing that it was their duty to get married have children and obey their husbands, you did not have a life outside of these set parameters. Thankfully this Victorian way of living is not the trend any more but both men and women are still held within a consciousness that does not let them have true free will, we think we are free to make choices but these have been preset for us.

13. What a beautiful opportunity to reflect on the changes you have made in life and where you are today. As you have so honestly shared Leigh, it is not the change in name but how you have interpreted the world around you, the roles you have taken on and the pictures that have come with them. the sweetness is still within and this time of reflection means that it will once again be a living way in your life. I, too have changed my name more than once and this has given me an opportunity to reflect more deeply on what I bring and whether I am bringing all of me free of the choices and changes I have made as dictated by the ideals and beliefs i have held.

14. It’s fascinating to see how we change when we take on another name. It has never occurred to me to explore this aspect of myself and having been married twice I’m sure there are things to heal.

15. Great call Leigh if you had changed your name back to your maiden name without considering why you were doing it you would not have got the amazing healing you have now received.

    1. Yes, a wise choice to understand the situation more deeply.

16. “Am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?” This is a question that all of us would benefit from asking ourselves from time to time as a way of checking in with how much we are prepared to live our truth.

    1. An opportunity to return to our essence, our true selves.

17. It is amazing how, what can at the time be a simple thought can unravel something much deeper about ourselves. It just shows that we should not dismiss or do things out of reaction but to feel and question everything we do because it can reveal something far deeper than we first realise.

18. It is great you gave yourself the space to feel this for yourself.

19. ‘…I write this tonight I can feel very clearly that the change of name is not that important – what is important is that I have recognised what I did to myself in my belief of how I needed to be in my marriage.’
    It’s quite amazing how the symbols in life show us more about ourselves on such a deep level. In this case, a name not being just a name but a symbol of how one lives. Pretty cool.

    1. Rachel it is fascinating what we put ourselves through by what we do to ourselves, well we think it is us that is doing what we are doing but is there more going on? So many times I have realised that I’m doing something that I really shouldn’t be doing, I suddenly get clarity and stop and wonder where the thought came from that gave me the choice to do something that later down the line I will either regret or have consequences that are not worth having.

20. It is so true Leigh that in that process of shutting down to others we also lose the support that can be around us and feel that we are alone.

    1. In truth we are never alone, but we percieve ourselves as being alone when we have disconnected from ourselves and hence the undeniable connection that we hold with everyone else.

    2. Interesting, I can relate with having been like this, ‘My outside persona constantly said that “I was alright; I don’t need you.”’

21. Leigh it’s amazing how many situations we can find in our history where we let beliefs and ideals take over to extinguish another part of our essence – the true person we are. It’s such a blessing to be able to unlock these and return to our natural way of being. I also noted your words on trying to cope without support, doing it on your own, I can relate to this and it’s a great reminder to open up and let others in.

    1. We think we are protecting ourselves from further hurts, but really we are chopping ourselves off from support and connecting with others, ‘The hardening shut down my ability to be open and honest and to lovingly accept support; I was unable to simply share what was happening for me and most importantly, how I was feeling.’

22. Thank you, Leigh, this is very inspiring, a great reminder that healing is in looking at the part we have played and not about fixing the peripherals of life. Our body is the marker of truth and our choice then on depends entirely on how much of that truth we are prepared to look at and accept.

23. Most people’s immediate knee jerk reaction to find someone to blame for any issue we discover. I love the wonderful example offered here, when realising the loss of sweetness after getting married, instead of blaming to realise it was a personal choice and to reflect on the wider dynamic to gain a deeper understanding.

24. What is amazing is that you are able to feel, just simply from the resonance of the words, where the inherent truth was.

25. ‘So the question to change my name is not the true question that I was asking: what I was asking is, am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?’ True Leigh that has nothing to do with a change of surname, it is an amazing healing when you choose to come back to your essence and its exquisite qualities changing names or not changing names.

26. What is exposed here is all the ideals and beliefs we bring into marriage. How when we take another’s name there is so much stuff that comes with it. So a lesson here is to be open to how we truly feel – and the fact that in a relationship it is possible to cut the energy that comes with a surname it and to reimprint the relationship based on the love and quality of 2 people.

27. The vibration of our name is unique. It is a vibration that we carry that either supports or harms/holds us back in our livingness. It is a vibration that we align to that comes from our inner knowing and cannot be determined by those around us, that is if we choose evolution.

    1. What was behind the question of whether to change our name or not is important to consider, ‘ am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?’

28. Beautifully expressed Elizabeth, we can only sense what is true for us (our name in this instance) when we have healed and let go of that which is not true otherwise we can make decisions based on what we think is true from a reaction, attachment or a belief. When we heal and live what is true it then naturally has an impact on everyone around us. What is important to note is that healing is an unfolding and something to embrace and appreciate in every moment; it cannot be rushed or controlled by a mind that thinks it knows better.

29. Yes I can see the name change marks a choice and in that choice there is always an opportunity for evolution, even if we did not recognise it immediately. When we accept our responsibility in the choice then the name becomes a marker in time but not of who we truly are.

30. Changing names can be an offering to experience and live the qualities that come with it.

31. We tend to lose or give up on our inner qualities when we enter into a relationship because we have the false belief that life will now be different because of this relationship. But truth is that there is only one life and that relationship are there for us to expand the livingness of this life into a more oneness type of life compared to living on your own. Giving up on our innate qualities when entering a relationship is too giving up on the expansion that is available to us in this relationship.

32. I like the idea that we bring more to the name than the name brings to us 🙂

33. Name changes and the like are significant and powerful without a doubt, but nothing comes close to the quality of living love. This equalises barriers and makes it clear we have nothing to fear.

    1. There is nothing to fear. There only are things in life that can be constantly deepened. Like changing names. You may say what does it matter what name I have, but to me there is more to it. As everything is energy and everything is because of energy we have to get to understand what names actually mean and do to us. We surely do not only have names so we can receive post or mails in our post box 🙂

34. Everything offers us an opportunity to feel more deeply who we are and how we are living. The gift that has come from pondering your name change has brought so much more. It is easy to react to something in our life without willingly being open to what is really being offered – thank you Leigh, the wisdom offered here is appreciated.

35. ‘am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?’ This is a beautiful question. I am exploring the delicateness that is me these days and it is so awesome. There is much power in these qualities of innocence, sweetness and purity – a power that can bring forth a deepening of truth and love and connection in others.

36. A beautiful opportunity to return to your essence and to make more loving choices, and return to the true you.

    1. And to nominate the feelings that surface as a consequence, ‘It feels almost scary to let my sweetness out, to let it be seen and felt inside of me.’

37. The picture we carry of marriage is so harmful and the marriage would be something to achieve rather than a union with ourselves and then with the other.

38. Leigh I love the way you got underneath the question regarding changing your name to the truth of the choices you made when you married and how now it’s about being willing to once again share the essence of you in the world for all to see and feel, to not hold back no matter what, and to heal anything taken on which does not match this truth. This is true healing.

39. I can relate to reconnecting with the sweetness of my first name after changing it for a period of time. In truth it was me that had disconnected to that quality I held as a woman and it is with great joy to feel the sweetness once again.

40. How trapped are we in consciousness! How invisible is the jail where we confine ourselves in!

    1. Absolutely Eduardo, ‘How invisible is the jail where we confine ourselves in!’ As you say we are trapped in a consciousness.

41. I agree Leigh and understand completely. Although I have not been married I have been in this situation a thousand times, that is wanting to change the outer instead of looking at the choice and where that came from that lead me to where I am at. I have lived a whole life blaming another or outside influence, this is not only unfair and abusive to them but so very harsh and abusive toward ourselves. It is so refreshing, simple and healing just to be honest with ourselves and from there move towards the Truth that is there for us always.

42. Our outer expressions (in this case the name we choose) are guided and informed by our relationship with ourselves. A surname is second to our innate qualities being shared out in the world.

43. When we re-imprint we don’t wipe all that we don’t want to have felt or experienced away, we simply revisit situations and have a more loving awareness of why we made the decisions we made and therefore experienced the consequences and have an opportunity to consider a different response.

44. When we change our name out of reaction we cut off our nose to spite our face, far better to feel what is vibrationally needed.

45. Working through our issues and dilemmas is so important to heal and let them go and this is a great example of this process.

46. “what is important is that I have recognised what I did to myself in my belief of how I needed to be in my marriage”

    This is the incredible power and magic of self-honesty, self-observation and self-responsibility that you can see this, and now live according to this awareness.

47. “So the question to change my name is not the true question that I was asking: what I was asking is, am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?” I love this line and it shows that when we ask ourselves the true questions it opens up space to heal and grow.

    1. And to ask profound and searching questions such as these is an ongoing and deepening process – a willingness to be a student of ourselves and life.

48. Reading this blog again today I could feel that there is more for me to unravel around the hardness that I have carried, the self sufficient stance and the withdrawal from the depths of honesty that I have felt and thus not communicated.

49. What’s in a name? – Absolutely everything. My name is Elizabeth and when someone calls me a shortened version of my name, for example, Liz, I always correct him or her because the name they are calling me does not feel honouring of my essence. This is not to say that the name Liz is not correct for other people, it may well be but it definitely does not represent me. It is important therefore to be discerning in what name we choose to call ourselves.

    1. So true and in that, we can be more aware of honouring what feels right for us – not necessarily understanding why but just honouring a feeling.

50. What a beautiful discovery and healing with this honest pondering on whether to change your name or not.

51. I love how you felt into the 2 surnames and felt the difference in how they felt in your body. By choosing to go deeper you were able to feel how you had shut yourself down and hardened to conform to the ideals and beliefs of marriage and in the process lost the sweetness that was there before. What a wonderful healing you had just by looking at your surnames.

52. Our name is our expression but our body holds the truth.

53. When we take out of the equation what others would think and just allow ourselves to feel exactly what feels true to us then we are being respectful and honouring of what is true for us. Even if later down the line we realise maybe it wasn’t what was needed, in truth it was because there is always a lesson to be learnt. Life would be pretty dull if we were know it alls!

54. It feels very important that you’ve mentioned that it’s not your husband’s fault that you’ve shut yourself off to that which is within you, the sweetness, innocence and purity of your essence. No one can take this away from us it is always our own choice to lock this away and shut ourselves off but it is always there to re connect to.

    1. Yes, it is always there, shining brightly underneath the ideals and beliefs that we have succumbed to in being an adult. These beliefs (no matter what they are for each of us) are essentially locking away our tenderness, sweetness and truly loving way that we could live by. It really is very needed that we let go of how we think we need to be and again remember who we really are.

55. The switch off of the sweetness felt as a ‘maiden’ doesn’t surprise me. We have a lot of ideals fed to us from the time we can play with dolls and watch what it means being a wife. No one ever tells you that you just keep being and loving you and sharing that with your husband. If this was the case there would be no switch off of our essence and sweetness of childhood.

    1. Something to deeply consider we learn very young to adopt roles to make our way through life.

    2. “No one ever tells you that you just keep being and loving you and sharing that with your husband.” Beautifully said Fiona, and often by the time we get married or have a partner we have learned already big time to adapt and to fit into the roles we think society expects of us.

    3. ‘…just keep being and loving you and sharing that…’ This is an ‘in a nutshell’ formula for life. Super sweet and simple.

    4. I feel that sweetness got shut off long before marriage but during puberty when the pressure to have sex was full on. Whether you did or didn’t conform the pressure was always there and that is when the hardness came in to protect this divine sweetness that is worthy of so much more than what we are externally meant to represent as women. In some ways I feel like getting married was a way of finding a place to hide.

56. I love the way this shows how we agree to so much more than ‘just getting married’. When we agree to things what are we really signing up for – do we even discern the energies we go into when we make a decision?

57. It is an inspiration to hear how you are not running away from re-imprinting how you were in the marriage – it can be easy to just change your name back but this sharing shows how there can be much more to feel and learn if we don’t run away. And if we take responsibility for our part in something.

    1. The choice to let my sweetness be seen is a very steady process, it still feels very vulnerable to live from and constantly reveals to me that even though I am no longer married we are not to live this life alone. This doesn’t mean I need another partner, what it does mean though is that to truly allow support from others, and to ask for it when I need it. Which then let’s me truly feel the love another has for me. This is deeply humbling, as living as I have done previously I sabotaged any love another had for me with my belief that I didn’t need another, and my belief that I wasn’t worthy of love. All in all a very deeply humbling experience, one that is constantly bringing forward more feelings of vulnerability, and more acceptance of the love I am and that others do love me.

       1. I love how we are continually bringing more understanding and awareness in to our lives, ‘living as I have done previously I sabotaged any love another had for me with my belief that I didn’t need another, and my belief that I wasn’t worthy of love.’

58. I love the responsibility that you take of your own choices Leigh, none of this trying to shift the blame for any of it and also how you remain strong in what you feel and that is what matters the most.

59. I’m reminded of how fiercely we can defend our beliefs and ideals simply because they were passed down to us and therefore are part of our culture. We have come to depend on them so strongly for our identification that there is no space to openly discern the quality and truth of those beliefs and ways of being. And so in order to bring change it is not even so much the culture that needs to be changed but our need to identify with it.

    1. Well said Carolien,
       Being aware that it is not our responsibility to change the culture, but to be ourselves in it is very key to having the strength to adjust our own behaviors when we feel that they are no longer true to how we want to live.

       1. In a recent conversation I was reminded that there is another side to our traditions and why we may hold on to them even if they are not based on truth which is the sense of belonging, of solidarity. We deep down know brotherhood to be our natural way and miss it in our way of life. And so we hold on to that which we know is not it as it sooth the sense of missing.

60. There seems to always be something to “do” in life, be a certain way because we are a man or a woman, because we are married or single, or be a certain way as a parent or worker, the list of all we need to do goes on and on, but a simple life and a very loving one is to simply return to who we are and be that same beautiful essence in all we do. Throw out the instructions and just be our gorgeous, sweet selves. Thank you Leigh 🙂

61. We’ve been habitually trained to examine the surface of life, to change colours, places, names and sizes. But rarely do we look underneath life’s bonnet at the energy we choose to live. When we address this we discover the true power of alchemy – thank you Leigh for reminding me.

    1. Yet in the superficial changes, nothing changes. This in itself is proof positive that opening to the alchemy you mention is the only way to engender the change that is needed, for ourselves, and others.

62. So many people are dancing to other people’s tunes… And yet when we connected inside to our true nature there is truth grace and healing.

63. It is crazy how we marry someone for love and because we love them for who they are and they love us for who we are but then this all changes once the subconscious roles come in. Its great to call this out and have this ongoing discussion. A few weeks ago I saw an article on a couple that had got married and the man had decided to take on his wife’s surname instead of her taking on his .. although this was something that felt good to both of them the uproar this caused from others was shocking in whereby complete strangers were threatening them, calling them names, abusing them and saying the most vile things. So yes there is definitely a very ill consciousness to be broken here.

    1. Wow, Vicky the reactions to a man taking his wife’s name has been quite strong, but how are others truly affected by this? It seems that people’s investment in things staying the same is very deep.

    2. Absolutely. This couple are showing us all that there are no rules, unless you choose there to be.

64. It is touching to read how your choice of staying open, observing and honestly reflecting, instead of just jumping for a yes/no answer to your enquiry, has led to such great insights and wisdom.

65. Beneath the myriad of ideals and beliefs we have taken on, further clouded by the ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’t’s’, lays the simple truth we need to connect back to in order to know what is our true way forth in any situation.

66. Aaaah, sweetness, Buried under so many ideals, beliefs, hurts, layers of protection. But it lays there, patiently waiting for us to return to it, pick it up, tenderly hold it our hands, and live it to the best of our ability.

    1. Just like we would a two year old child. Pick them up, hold them tight and enjoy the magic that happens when the sweetness is shared with another. Imagine our world if we all shared our sweetness with others.

67. Thank you Leigh, How beautiful for us all that you are more in touch with your true essence.

68. Everything that happens in life is an opportunity for us to learn from and grow, including whether we change our name or not.

69. Love that you looked deeper than the obvious knee jerk reaction, and in a way that accepts your responsibility for the way you feel. This way of living empowers us, and does not need anyone else to change, or their permission, or allows our judgement to linger. It frees both you and I to heal and evolve which is the most natural process of all.

    1. It truly does empower us, when we accept what we are responsible for in our life. We can again take responsibility for our life, know that we sit in the drivers seat and begin to drive (run our life) how we want to.

70. You’re right, ultimately it doesn’t matter what our name is, it’s how we choose to live while we call ourselves that name. The power is not in the name but in every step we choose to take.

71. There are so many aspects in life that we take for granted or find to insignificant to give much attention to when in truth nothing does not have any meaning. Every small bit is part of and hence influences the whole and so to stop and deeply question the set standards, cultural habits and those things we simply never give much thought to can open up a whole new world of revelation and insights.

    1. Agreed. We all know that many of the ‘things we do’ and ‘ways we do them’ don’t truly support the quality we know ourselves to be. The fact that we can choose to live from our quality first and foremost is the revelation that begins the process of unraveling the many other aspects of the life we have made to be our way.

72. When we choose to shut ourselves off from what is on offer especially from those we love we dig a deeper hole in separation to ourselves. To have the understanding when we choose this way of being is gold. To hold ourselves and reflect love may not be easy but it is a responsibility of what is being asked of us in that moment.

73. It is these simple and seeming not so big changes that actually have quite profound effects on us and our lives as a whole.

74. When we stray from simplicity any manner of seemingly viable alternatives appear and we then try to ‘work out’ which is the best option without realising that all of the options at that point are off-course.

    1. This is Gold Thomas. If we consider how many choices we make everyday, and then consider our quality as we made them, we would begin to feel the responsibility we all have in life.

75. Honouring what is true for us in every moment and situation, our body is always communicating to us, we just have to listen and honour what it shares.

76. “what is important is that I have recognised what I did to myself in my belief of how I needed to be in my marriage”…I feel this statement that you could take out the word marriage and replace it with a trillion other words as it offers the reader the opportunity to see what we do to ourselves in the name of….getting a job, having friends, being in the community, with family. How do we think we need to be in each of these situations?

77. Thank you Leigh, this blog is so inspiring and supportive in many ways, I especially loved the way you took the time to explore what you were feeling instead of rushing into changing your name out of an ideal or belief. Your story reminds us to step back and observe the bigger picture and not to do anything in haste or out of reaction, for when we allow this space all unfolds beautifully and in a very natural and simple way.

    1. It is so very easy to get “pulled along with the tide” in life and it takes a steady foundation of stillness to be able to hold against that tide. Whilst one may master this in one area of life, it does not mean that it had been mastered in all areas. This is where personal responsibility kicks in. It is up to each of us individually to bring such steadiness to every aspect of our lives, and to honor that we require a steadfastness in our living way to be willing to do this.

78. It seems strange but basically the given that when you get married or whatever category of life change you move into, you need to be a certain way. That illusion has no foundation when we focus on our movements and being present with ourselves.

79. I would have used to of thought that to change your name would not have any real impact but what I have come to understand and great to read this blog as well for another angle on it is that our names actually mean a lot and energetically they hold a quality for us as well. Worth feeling into what feels right for us then if this is something that presents itself.

80. I remember reading this blog a while ago and thinking, wow, I have to do this with my name. I am happily married but have not actually legally changed my name as yet. I have changed in on forums like this and social media, in order to get use to this new name but I have never just stopped and laid still and felt both names, this is a huge support of anyone struggling with indecision. You have reminded me that I must do this.

81. Most of our issues in life actually boil down to whether we have chosen to express the love, tenderness, sweetness and joy that is deep within us. If we stay true to our natural essence, we are equipped to deal with pretty much every life situation we face.

    1. Dare I say, all of our issues stem from our choice to not choose the beauty and depth of love that we hold. A depth that, in my experience, is way deeper than I ever thought and that is constantly calling for even more tenderness and sweetness of being, as I arrive and feel yet ever more of the love that I am.

       1. Yup. ALL of our issues.

    2. And doesn’t this bring a simplicity back to life? We can attribute our woes and issues to millions of outer sources however there is no issue when we live the love, tenderness, and beauty we are in our essence.

82. I love how you unravel that who we are is not defined by our last name but in the way we hold and are with ourselves.

83. I love how you have deeply looked into what feels true for you Leigh. Your respect for all concerned including yourself is beautiful. We can have the propensity to throw the baby out with the bathwater when we feel uncomfortable and itch to make changes, I know I have. Y.ou have changed the water whilst still valuing the baby and the bath itself. Enjoy bathing in the sweetness of you.

    1. I love what you are saying here Jeanette, it is easy to literally throw things/situations out/away so they are gone and one has never to look at them again but it is a whole different story to look at why one had needed/engaged with them in the first place to then allow for a true healing to take place where it is not just turning a blind eye but fully understanding of where one is at.

84. I love your writing Leigh such warmth and great deepth comes through and I always take something very precious from your expression.

85. We can go through life and not worry about a feeling we have as it can be to complicated or a drawn out process like changing your name. The importance of honour what we feels true for us is super important.

86. Love the depth in which you have read the situation you find yourself in, your reading and awareness of what is really going on is healing in itself.

    1. To me Sam, going through this process has been a very deep learning, it has left me pondering on just how many ‘things’ we think are the issue, are not. That there is a deeper aspect, one we often completely miss in getting all consumed in what we ‘think’ is the issue at hand.

87. Well said Elizabeth – the consideration of the effects of our movements and actions on everyone else should always be of equal consideration. A great reminder.

88. Allowing ourselves to follow our heart and what feels true makes sense.

89. This is a really important question, as our name has a certain feel. I certainly felt different and more myself when I reclaimed my maiden name.

    1. What is being shared in the comments on this blog are that there is no right or wrong, simply the willingness to feel ones own body and to follow its truth.

90. It is nobody else’s fault what we decide to leave behind to walk seemingly forward.

    1. So true. My learning here is that only in owning my choices have I been able to make different ones.

91. Beautiful Leigh! Offering another reflection of what the harmony within us can allow in breaking down the limitations of what marriage, relationship and love truly are.

92. It’s a beautiful process to admit what exactly it is that you’ve chosen. I know that once I’m willing to name this then all the examples in my day to day life become highlighted – I get to see just how much I had identified with that way of being in life. I can catch it when I go to fall back into that pattern, until it comes to a point when that is no longer my normal.

93. This is a very real truth, one that needs to be discussed constantly in our lives, as so many choose the knee jerk reaction in changing names and responsibility is not once been a part of the decision.

94. “That to know another intimately will become my natural way, because I am choosing to know myself intimately again.” This is very beautiful Leigh.

95. I have been married for over a year and sometimes even forget I am married… not in a way which does not honour our marriage. No in fact I see the union together with my wife as defined by the love we share each and every day and not by the marriage status.

    1. This Joshua is very beautiful for it shares with the world that the love you are with your wife is also the love you are with others.

96. Returning to who we truly are…honouring our way back is everything and nothing in life is worth compromising this.

97. I love the question Leigh of living the true qualities of our essence without the assumed roles smothering who we innately are. From my understanding there is a gloriousness available and only tension and hurt to release if we choose to re-connect to whom we truly are.

98. It is beautiful to realise that the truth of everything can be felt within the inner heart of us all.

99. When we consider that many in our world live this reality, what do we have? A world of people not being themselves.. a world of people trying to fit themselves into a picture of what life is meant to be, without being who they are. Does this not engender resentment, bitterness, frustration, anger and blame? Then we wonder why there are such atrocious acts that humans perform. It is so obvious that all of this comes from our own choice to live devoid of being ourselves in this world.

100. What a true understanding of our lives from the choices we make and how this plays out and gets magnified from there. To be who we are and stay open to being love expressing it and receiving its in its simplicity and joy is all we want and know deep inside and honouring this is a real gift for ourselves and others and it is never too late to return to who we are and expressing this as our journey unfolds.

101. When we honour what is true there are no outcomes or pictures that give us thoughts like ‘I have to do it this way’ or ‘but I’m not doing it that way’ etc. The simplicity returns…

     1. It does Thomas and all of a sudden we find our selves in a reality where there are no rules around how to be, what to do, what to say, what to eat etc. There is a simplicity of feeling what is true from our bodies and the grace of following this feeling.

     2. Beautifully said Thomas – the main thing is ‘we honour what is true’ and the rest by virtue of our movements takes care of itself.

102. Whether married or not a name does not define who we are. We are innately all delicate and deeply sensitive loving beings and this does not change whether married or not.

103. Taking on someone else’s name can be a beautifully loving thing to do. But it can also be loving to claim our own name and keep it if that is what feels true.

     1. The most important thing is to follow our own heart then the choices made are true, whether this be a choice of name or the multitude of other choices we have to make in our lives.

104. What a beautiful story of divorce. Divorce is not about cutting someone off and out of your life. It can be a loving process as you have clearly demonstrated.

105. Awesome Leigh – before we change anything we need to deepen our own awareness and expression, otherwise we will take exactly the same into the next situation.

106. Beautiful Leigh – to choose to live love or not – now that is THE question. We endlessly look at situations to change, people to be different but forget the key element we are to bring to life – our soul inspired Love. Live this and what was before mysterious and hard to understand, will be unlocked.

     1. And live our love and watch things around us transform.

107. It’s amazing that you’ve been able to look deeper than what ‘sounds right’ and have tuned into what is TRUE for your expression. Our names are, as you’ve shared, so much more than just ‘names’.

108. I can sense the truth of what you are sharing Leigh. It is not about simply changing our name when we feel uncomfortable with ourselves. It is more to look what we have done to ourselves in life and by observing that we slowly can undo all of that one by one, step by step until we are at the core of our being. Then we can check our name, if it still matches the quality we are living and what we bring with that name into the world. Life is magic and it will be magic for us to when we allow more truth to flow in our lives.

109. The more I appreciate my name the more I notice that my self acceptance deepens.

110. Leigh I can feel the utmost respect that you and you husband had and have for each other. I feel when in comes to divorce this would almost be a rarity. Its such an important foundation for any relationship. With the foundation that the two of you have it means that the relationship will continue. We need to see this much more in a world where there is great disharmony in how we are together in relationships.

     1. Relating to one’s former partner with utmost respect is a glorious foundation to continue your relationship on and a beyond awesome example of how to live life for your own children and everyone else you have in your life.

111. Great to ponder on which name supports a person best. Each name carries with it qualities that can carry the person and support them in their life, though of course they are still to choose that for themselves.

     1. Each name carries its quality and vibration, its purpose on earth. It is our responsibility to feel what is needed.

112. There is (literally) a world of ideals and beliefs around us that we almost unnoticeably take on, day by day as we grow up and learn what we think is expected from us. While we do this what we truly feel inside is being pushed to the back burner until such point that we are only focussed on what is right in front of us. It takes a serious ‘boiling over’ for us to start looking at all the pots again and maybe rearranging what it is we give priority.

     1. So well said Carolien,
        The moment we let ourselves go to accommodate what another wanted is the beginning of letting into our bodies that from the outside world, and we all know the horrors of what our world now has in it. So when we again take responsibility and begin to choose to be ourselves, so much comes to the surface to be seen for the imposition it is, this process can be grueling, but the lightness of again feeling who you truly are is the guide that eventually sees everything as it is and responsibly let’s go of what is not equal to the joy and beauty of who we are.

        1. True Leigh, every single step on the path of return, even if a little difficult at times, is worth it for it immediately allows for more of who we are to be felt and lived.

     2. I love what you have shared here Carolien. The comfort we choose, know we are in and allow over days, months, years, lifetimes catches up with us sooner or later. The pictures, investments, ideals and beliefs we take on create the momentum’s we live in. Tension builds until step by step only love can be lived eliminating all comfort and all our ill ways. In my own life I cannot escape (only temporarily) no matter how much I try what is being presented to me and by saying yes I am saying yes to what is possible and that is love in all relationships including the relationship to self.

113. “what is important is that I have recognised what I did to myself in my belief of how I needed to be in my marriage.“ Yes objects and things like a name change can never have power over us unless we make a choice to let them because of the ideals we have and the attachments we hold.

114. Honouring what we feel from within and staying true to who we are is so fundamental to our lives and this is a beautiul reflection of the power of learning so lovingly found.

115. Facing what we feel is challenging but committing to returning to truth, is true power.

116. There is such a simplicity and clarity in making decisions using our felt sense, where there is often complication and complexity in only using the mind. We have access to a whole body intelligence which we have dismissed and ignored for way to long because we do not like how it exposes our waywardness.

     1. Bringing our innate knowing first to any situation is the gold that is offered by the teaching of the Ancient Wisdom. The mind games set us on a path of doubt but the body’s intelligence gives us the the truth with such simplicity.

117. This is such a personal decision to make and really it comes down to how you feel and where you feel you need to be. It is all part of the process and which ever you choose you get to express what feels true to you.

     1. I agree its all about a process and where we are at in our life. Each choices has its purpose, we need to claim which ever name we choose and reflect it to our fullest.

118. When I was younger I always used to wonder what name would come my way due to marriage. There was a part of me that looked forward to this, as if a new name would bring me a new life and a new me. There was a want to escape my own family name. No such day has arrived! And the more I accept myself as I am the more I claim my name. No reason to change it, and every reason to confirm me as I am.

     1. Great point Rebecca – but how valuable to play with names and see how they feel as this gives an idea of how that name holds a certain vibration and how it may or may not support you. And of course always coming back to the birth name as this may be the one to hold you in this life.

119. ‘I feel very vulnerable and fragile. But underneath all of this there is a sense of surrender, a ‘thank goodness’ that I am choosing to return to my true essence and its presence that is very palpable. ‘ As you say Leigh, when we step out of old ways and return to Love there is a feeling of vulnerability, and also the incredible power in being so open and transparent. When we stay surrendered – this is the place where nothing can truly touch us.

     1. Very beautifully said, what you share Jenny is totally upside down to what we are taught and lead to believe. But it is a truth that cannot be ignored when one feels the true power that comes from surrendering, feeling our vulnerability and having the sense that to hide this from another is where all of illness and disease begins, for it is where we begin to hold our body in ways that prevents it from functioning at its optimum.

120. It is very inspiring, Leigh, to read how you are giving yourself the time and space to heal, and not changing your name out of any reaction or need, because getting to the truth is what matters most.

     1. I agree Janet you have to get to the truth of the purpose of why one would want to change the name. If it is done through reaction it will not truly serve its purpose.

121. I am very committed to my relationship, a marriage, but I have never wanted to change my name. This choice has come from within, it has never felt true for me…this can change and I am open to it doing so, but this is the point, we all need to honour what we feel within. No need to justify, explain or rationalise. When we know, we know… and this is worth honouring.

     1. I love what you say here Samantha, that we need to honour what we feel from within. So very true as otherwise we just follow what we think or deem to be right but do not stay with what we feel is true.

     2. Beautiful Samantha. No need to justify or explain. If you are claimed in your decision then no-one even notices!

     3. I absolutely agree we know from within, I chose to change my name, first and middle name when I got married, no one forced me.

     4. True Samantha ‘when we know, we know…and this is worth honouring’ I had never wanted to change my name either but after 21years of marriage I felt to change my name in my partners name as I feel I am part of this group now, of my husband and my children and it was and is worth honouring this.

     5. What is beautiful in what is shared here is that things can change. It can be very easy to lock in on an idea, or even a very settled solid choice, but if things change, if we begin to feel that something needs adjusting, then allowing ourselves the freedom to do this can also be incredibly healing.

122. All names have something to offer as they carry an energy of a person or a family line. But whatever our name, we have a responsibility to stay true and connected to ourselves so that we fully reflect the qualities that are there to be felt.

123. Yes, Leigh, nominating our past choices and taking responsibility for them is a sure fired way to learn and grow. It sounds like you have had quite a big revelation here by being so honest.

124. When we understand that names have a resonance, an energetic numerical resonance, we understand the importance of a name in all that it holds not just for us, but for others and for humanity too.

125. Allowing an understanding to unfold of what presents for us to look at is the art of observing and not absorbing. This is what you have beautifully presented here Leigh.

126. How great that you got to the true question you were asking Leigh, with your questioning process, to ask yourself whether you are prepared to return to living your purity of your essence. We know that is inside us but how many of us return to it? Your choices with your names now become quite irrelevant.

127. What a gorgeous realisation that the real issue was not about the name change at all, and what you were left with to address was the concern of letting your sweetness out, to let it be seen and felt inside of you. This offers a humbling insight and awareness that many of the issues in life might similarly not be about what is seen on the surface and a gung-ho rush to ‘fix’ things may not be a true answer. That it is always useful to take a moment to feel what deeper learning the situation might be reflecting.

     1. This calls each of us to again stop, step off the merry-go-round our life has become and to allow an honesty and truth to be felt. Then begins the responsibility of gracefully letting go of how we have been that doesn’t equal the truth we felt. This may seem difficult, but really living void of the truth is far more difficult a reality to live.

128. I love how you did not just out of reaction change your name rather took the time to fully see the part you had to play in how you changed in the relationship. Divorce is never an easy thing as ultimately you will always deeply love the person just for whatever reason things did not work out together. We can blame the other person, try to pick faults in ourselves or them but nothing changes the only way as you have done is to take full responsibility for our choices and then move forward without hanging onto what was or what could have been. Then the potential will be there for a deeply loving relationship otherwise we just stay regretting and wanting things to be different without actually auctioning any true change or taking any responsibility whatsoever.

     1. And accepting the responsibility is an on going continually deepening experience. I am learning that as I accept responsibility for my life there is another understanding that I had not chosen to be responsible for and get presented the opportunity to do so. I guess I am saying that responsibility is not something you tick off, but is in fact a living, forever expanding and deepening movement.

        1. I totally agree no check lists rather a forever deepening and expansion of the love that we are.

129. The power of our name can never be underestimated. My parents wanted me to have the name I now have, however a different name ‘ended up’ on my birth certificate which I was then called up until the age of 46. I remember at age 9 saying to my mother that I always liked the name ‘Paula’ and thats when she told me about the birth certificate. I never liked my other name and when I officially changed it back to Paula I could feel my whole body reconfigure, let go of so much, and come back to a balance and knowing of who I truly am.

130. Something I had not considered until I read your comment Elizabeth is how much I lived my married life and not once fully embracing the family that I married into, however I also know that it is never too late to do so.

131. From the inside out we live and express in the world. Our name is simply a reflection of this to others, so the quality of our relationship with ourselves is the primary responsibility.

132. A beautiful understanding and confirmation of the truth of healing and all we are and the space and enlightment we can come to when simply connecting and being honest with ourselves.

133. Absolutely agree Elizabeth, knowing that there is a deep responsibility we need to really connect to what is the true purpose?, is this name change truly required and will it serve.

134. Leigh thats a great awareness to come to, dealing with what you had shut down in life and taking responsibility for yourself to make the changes. No longer blaming things outside of you. It is us who make the choices and shut down our connection, not us getting married or taking on another name.

135. Your blog shows us that it is our quality and relationship with ourselves that is foundational, and not so, to rely on our name to demonstrate who we are.

136. Thank you Leigh, I love where you have taken this conversation about changing your name to. I can imagine that this is something that a lot of people have to decide once they get divorced and it is great to hear the process you went through in order to bring healing and growth. There is healing and growth available to us in every moment in life if we choose to take it up.

137. How simple it can be when we just allow ourselves the space to truly feel what is needed next, and make our chocies accordingly.

138. Leigh – thank you for your honesty in looking at how you changed when you were married, and brought in a picture of how it should be in a marriage. This is so worth talking about so women can appreciate that we don’t need to bring such pictures to the relationship, and rather, it is possible to keep deepening the relationship we have with ourselves and with our essence.

139. A great insight you share here Leigh. We can all take on roles in life and in doing so suppress our essence. Realising we are more than the role and then living from one’s essence is living in full.

     1. The roles we are taking on can easily dictate our entire lives.

     2. Great point how easy it is to suppress our essence by taking on roles. But in truth we are more than the role as we connect essence and live from their.

140. This is powerful to read, how the ideology of marriage can take so much control over a person’s life, making them loose all autonomy and self-definition. And, then it is very interesting how, when this patterns starts to come to reveal itself, the first place that we commonly go to is to some outer source, such as the name we have taken on, to give it the responsibility of our choices and movements in the relationship. It is great to read however the opening or awakening of someone who knows their worth and is wiling to look beyond the circumstances of life and in to the depths of what real responsibility is like to actually be lived.

141. Goodness Leigh this is just beautiful, to go from a relatively simple question of ‘do I change my name?’ to discovering its actually about opening up your heart to all – no matter what name you choose.

     1. I agree Judy. I was deeply touched by that. It makes me smile, as it reminds me of the many requests from guidance made to Serge Benhayon and pretty much always his answer boils down to “be love” and “express all that you are”. It seems any question truly asked from the heart will always receive an answer from the heart. And that can only be to deepen your love.

     2. In your comment Shirley-Ann, I feel the humbleness and deep appreciation of what we bring to life, our family and our name. Our name does not define us, we bring a quality to it, a quality that brings a grace to all who share it.

142. I have spent a lot of time being protected and hiding my sweetness, thinking that a strong woman has everything sorted and does not do sweet, as in sweet is weak….it is not, sweet in truth melts hardness and the hardness in our bodies and over our hearts hurts us and prevents us connecting with one another. To be open, sweet and vulnerable is very powerful and strong.

     1. As I live with my sweetness, I am becoming so much more aware of how our world truly feels, how people are living and how my hardness kept me apart from this and so kept me locked in being unable to bring the wisdom that is there to share. In feeling the tension I feel also my responsibility a very humbling and powerful experience.

143. I love so many things about what you have shared but particularly the fact that you haven’t rushed to ‘fix’ things with a change to an outside thing (your name). I have often reacted to a realisation by changing an outward appearance of something and find that I remain stuck when I do this. When we give ourselves the grace to take things one step at a time we support ourselves beautifully.

     1. This is a great point you make Leonne. It is so easy to rush and “‘fix’ things with a change to an outside thing”. In doing so we may get a solution however that does not resolve the cause of the problem. When that happens the cause only gets more entrenched to return another time when it will then be even more difficult to resolve.

144. I love how you sat with this question until it resolved itself Leigh.

     1. How true – we can be so impatient and quick at making desicions that we miss out on the true answer to our question.

     2. Me too it was a great reminder to allow the space for the answer to reveal itself, often I an impatient and want the answer immediately.

145. The fact that such true qualities shown by Esoteric Numerology are always positive in essence, and as always any disharmony in life is as a result of us as individuals not living according to the truth of our divine essence, brings a lot of clarity. Instead of confusion and doubt, you gain an understanding of the depth of responsibility and love there is in living and expressing all that we are.

146. Absolutely Elizabeth. Our name does not only affect us, but also our family, and those around us too. A huge responsibility when considering a name change.

147. There is so much more to our name than we may first realise, and no coincidences that we have the names we do whether we are married or not. By taking on another name we are aligning to an energetic vibration that affects everyone in that family line and with that comes responsibility.

148. I love how you didn’t take this decision lightly or harshly but pondered on it just the right amount to come to the true choice.

     1. I agree, it is easy to jump and make a quick choice without truly feeling what is needed. There is always a true purpose and when we connect within we are shown the way.

149. Hi Leigh, thank you for bringing up this topic. Through my divorce, the same question whether I take my maiden name or keep my ex-husbands name came up. I also felt deeply into it, as during my whole marriage I held both names as mine (double name). I also considered the point with our daughter’s name. Finally I decided to keep only my ex-husbands name, which almost no one could understand. Why all the years a double name, not letting go of my identification with my maiden name? And then in divorce deciding to keep only my ex-husband name?
     Well it felt just this in my body. I grew up and I went through a process of finding myself in all the years of our marriage. We together decided to split and stayed friends. Acknowledging the name of my ex-husband as mine after divorce, was for me acknowledging the development and growth as a woman that I have undergone.

     1. The wisdom shared here is so very needed in our world, going against the trend is so needed, not to look different or to make a statement, but to do so because we feel so deeply in our body that it is our truth, and that to not live it is a great disservice to all.

150. The process of claiming a name is an amazing one, and in either sense the family represented by the name will be blessed to have you part of it

151. When ever we shifted our inner world our outer world shifts to reflect the change

     1. Love this Mary-Lousie. The awareness of what you have shared is what re-empowers us to be responsible and live in a way where there is understanding that we don’t have to be shaped by the outside world, but we can actually shape the outside world from within.

     2. Loving these comments… the inspiration and invitation to attend to the quality of our relationship with ourselves, knowing that this impacts everything we do and share with others.

        1. Yes it is so simple our relationship with ourself sets a foundation for our relationship with every-one and every thing around us.

152. Leigh what you shared has played out for me from the perspective of when I got married. I had such an attachment and identification with my maiden name, that I didn’t want to take on my partner’s name.
     But with time I realised I was no longer part of that previous life anymore and I had a new beginning, I was a different person, so took on the new name despite having to change so many documents.
     I began to realise its not in the name but who we are with ourselves in any name.

     1. What you have shared here Sushila is a great humbleness. It would have been easy, so to speak, to stay dogmatically with your initial choice, but when you felt that choice was no longer true, you decided to change it. This is paramount in our world today. For many feel the choices they are making are not true, but choose to stay stuck in them, instead of simply going about the steps to change them. Very inspirational.

153. ‘ one’s life is forever changed, moulded and lived from the choices we make.’ – It is truly that simple . But we often don’t like to take responsibility for that fact.

154. The choice of name is a very personal relationship that reveals the many different aspects of how we have allowed the name to reflect who we truly are. When divorcing I decided to keep my married name – the name did not feel loaded with the past, and had become part of the woman I was now embracing.

155. I have been learning about the meaning of names recently, and this shows how you can feel your married name and you are not liking the feel of it. It is a great observation to sit with and you have come to know your essence deeper who you are through this process.

156. ‘It now feels that if I change back to my maiden name I will not be giving myself the grace to heal the hardness that I brought into my life from the moment I married.’ – A profound realisation, and allowing yourself the space to complete the cycle of this relationship as well.

     1. In so many ways Eva, daily there are deeper awarenesses, not only about how I felt and lived, but also more of an understanding in how by being caught up in our own hurts and hardening, that we aren’t aware of what is happening for another and just today I was gifted a moment to feel just how harming and judgemental it is to live without the understanding and awareness of what another is dealing with. Our awareness of our own life and choices is but a very small step in the big scheme of things for that awareness once felt for self, becomes a way of living with everyone else. This is the true gift of our commitment to knowing ourselves intimately again.

157. Although a name says a lot, much more than we normally are aware of, simply changing a name because of felling hurt is not the way to go. Like what you share in this blog Leigh, is important to remember. We have to make our choices carefully and not from any emotion or hurt but with the awareness of the reality of a multidimensional world we live in in which it matters on what basis we do make our choices.

     1. I have the sense that my choice to stay with my married name has a much greater purpose than I have any conscious connection to at this point in my life. This engenders a great deal of trust inside oneself to allow whatever is needed to be.

158. Sensational Leigh – we like to make life about the big events and think that other people fence us in, but the simple truth whatever we do is every choice comes back to you. We do have a say, we do have power, it resides in the type of energy we align to not in any complicated decision, like we might consider.

159. When I am invested in another being different and changing I often am projecting my own disatisfaction at not living the truth of who I am.

160. Taking on someone else’s name due to marriage could symbolize the ultimate giving away of one’s self, and I’m sure it has been the case countless times for many women. OR, it could be a total claiming of the choice to step into a truly loving relationship and a way of celebrating the union.

     1. I agree Rebecca, my mind thought that I was doing just that, but the energy that I had chosen was running a very different reality, one that has taken much self acceptance to unravel and most of all understand. Let us all begin to discern what energy is behind our choices and thoughts, for when what you share is done with the fullness of our body we are living the love we all truly desire.

161. Thank you for sharing so openly Leigh. It’s clear to me that you have a very beautiful relationship with your ex husband and that love is not dependent on a relationship remaining the same, in fact sometimes separating is the most loving thing to do.

162. Trying to ‘figure something out’ like whether we should change our name or not, how we should eat, dress, sleep or live based on ideals creates so much complication, and negates the fact that there is a TRUTH to every situation, and this truth is always super simple.

163. What a game changing, consciousness breaking, revolutionary approach.

164. “It was completely my choice to shut myself off to the sweetness that I held within” The power of our choices and the effects these bring is enormous in all aspects but ultimately it is up to us to appreciate and simply be the love we innately are and the inevitability of this is very beautiful to know inside.

165. I know that so well the hardening and protecting ourselves and then in this making out that I am totally self independent and that I don’t need anyone. What I have found amazing is that when I have let the wall of protection down in doing so I have allowed others in and admitting that sometimes I do need help.

166. “This morning’s experience has brought much understanding as to how one’s life is forever changed, moulded and lived from the choices we make.” I can completely relate to this, the entire life we lead can be changed by one choice, yet overall regardless of our choices I am starting to appreciate how we will all end up back with God.

167. ‘So the question to change my name is not the true question that I was asking: what I was asking is, am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?’ This is such a beautiful consideration and reflection to share. As women how much do we give ourselves over to our roles and to our relationships instead of remaining true to who we are? I have known this but only incredibly recently understood from my body what this actually means for me. Thanks for the confirmation!

168. How appropriate your statement ‘it’s like loosing our own inner anchor’.
     That is so very true, for there is no steadiness or inner confidence in self if we are not being true to ourselves, how we feel and living life how we want to. The thing is, as you say others don’t want you to be different, so why the heck do we think we have to be?

169. So great Leigh that you came to this awareness and were able to then start living more the real you again free of the constraints of old beliefs and back into the true sweetness that is you.

170. ‘what I was asking is, am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?’ – Beautiful, I feel the fact that you have been able to express your question this way already confirms the answer.

171. Thanks for your blog Leigh. It’s amazing the choices we are prepared to make (some of which are in complete disregard of our body) in order to live up to the expectations of a role we have adopted, and in doing so we lose the connection to, and willingness to express from, our essence.

172. Like most decisions it is important to feel into what is right for us from the beginning rather than the shoulds and should nots that can often influence us.

     1. What has been interesting in my personal process has been how prominent the thought was to change my name, but also how I was unable to physically do so. My head was saying a resounding yes whilst my body could feel deeper, to me at the time, an unbeknown sense that it wasn’t right to do so. It was this feeling that finally caused me to delve deeper into whether to change it or not.

        1. Truth is felt in our body and this is the best guide to follow

173. What a beautiful confirmation that what you thought you should do simply didn’t feel right within you and that actually in this following the ‘done thing’ to do you were shutting down and avoid the key issue that needed to be addressed and healed. Super powerful, well done and very inspiring.

174. This highlights that so much of what we take for granted as being the right or the wrong way to go, is in fact, once we put the assumptions, pictures and beliefs aside, an opportunity for truth and evolution.

175. There is a lot to uncover with the name change – I know that for myself it felt beautiful for us all as a family to have the same name – like an umbrella for us all…for me it felt like the name change was supportive, and drew us all closer together, but I know this can also be a fake way of ‘getting together’…I could also sense different things that people around us wanted – family and friends who did or did not want me to change my name because of a picture or belief they had. How important is it to stick with what feels right for you at that moment in time, and honour this fully.

176. I recall when I got married and changed my name…the funny thing is that my first name is actually Maria, and so when I went for the first time to see a GP after getting my family name changed, I was sitting in the waiting room and they called out ‘Mrs Maria Chang’ – I had no idea who that was, and of course did not respond straight away! Hilarious!

177. What I love about this article is the sureness I felt when I read it – your sureness about the different feelings you had from your maiden and married names; the sureness that you will continue to allow your sweetness out however awkward it may at first be and the sureness that this is going to change everything. Thank you, Leigh.

178. I choose to keep my name when I got married, how can I describe it, it just wasn’t in my body to change, I had no impulse, it may come and I am open to a change but for me it has been wise to listen to what the body shares and not over think things. We need to do what feels true in life, not the should and shouldn’t often laid on us in society.

     1. Well said Samantha – there is no right or wrong, there simply is the opportunity to feel what is needed in each moment to support and what offer the healing. And the same can be said after divorce – it does not mean that one has to change back to their maiden name at all, but of course this too can be a healing in itself depending on the person and the situation. Amazing to feel the openness and the allowing of all choices and how they are all here to support in some way.

     2. ‘We need to do what feels true in life, not the should and shouldn’t often laid on us in society.’ – We learn from such young age what we ‘should and shouldn’t’ do in our life, and it seems like majority lives by those rules during the entire life, without so much as questioning whether or not it actually feels true to them.

179. When we are truly open and not caught up in ‘coulds’ and ‘shoulds’ it is amazing what comes to us. .

180. This blog is very honouring of the fact that our names carry a feeling or quality and that we need to discern whether a maiden name or married name feels right for us. Too many of these decisions are made by the pressures of social norms rather than what is actually true for us.

181. The beauty in this is that we continously are able to learn and to expand, even in feeling our names. Thank you Leigh, for sharing this.

182. Letting the body lead without question or doubt – wonderful Leigh.

183. It is inspiring to surrender when things get challenging for us to understand that everyone and every situation in life is to allow us to see and return deeper to who we truly are. It is always a blessing.

184. Gorgeous ending to your blog Leigh – “Thank you Serge Benhayon: your love and dedication to truth has ignited the same within myself.” I am also deeply thankful to Serge as well for supporting me in forever deepening the expression of truth within myself too.

185. For me it was a very interesting process, as I had 4 name changes, due to my parents divorce and also 2 marriages. When all that finished, I was left with feeling none of these names had any meaning to me. When I sat with that, what came up was that my grandparent’s name sounded beautiful and strong in my body. It took a huge effort and quite a lot of money to get the German Government to agree that I can have my grandmothers name – I have had this name now for over 10 years, and it feels truly beautiful.

     1. Simple and sure, when we allow ourselves to feel things, indecisiveness becomes a thing of the past.

186. The end result is often not important, it is about how we have reached that point.

187. There are always deeper aspects of events that on the surface may appear to be about something, but go deeper and we see a much bigger picture. This also supports a much deeper understanding of ourselves.

188. I experienced the same beliefs when I was considering changing my name back to my maiden name. We often think about what’s best or easiest but fail to feel which name fits us at that time. It was great to read what you discovered about your beliefs about how you had to be as a wife. The stories vary but we all have these affecting us as women.

189. We can be so quick to jump to the answer, in this case whether to change one’s name or not, where the beauty here is in the freedom you have chosen to unlock for yourself. This healing will lead to you never giving yourself away to all the ideals you had held about being a good wife, allowing you to simply be yourself whether married or not.

190. The energy of names and the playing out of this in our lives is far more Impactual than we may realise and it is great to discern this and honour who we truly are.

     1. Well said and when we truly feel into it, this comes easily indeed.

191. When we make decisions out of reactions at the time seems totally justified but we can’t get out of the way we have chosen to go forward from that moment. I love how you gave yourself the space to feel what was there and to get to the bottom of what was there for you to look at and heal. Truly powerful.

192. Thanks, Leigh. I love how you are not skirting around the self-responsibility to face your own choice to contract away from your sweetness. Very inspiring…

193. For the first 50 something years of my life I was known as Nicky. I was only ever called Nicola by my family when they were telling me off or speaking to me in an unloving tone or when I was being addressed by an official. Some years ago I decided to claim my full name back again and had to go through a major period of adjustment. Every time anyone spoke to me I thought I was being scolded – it was hard but worth it!

     1. Yes I have heard this from another too and how uncomfortable they felt when addressed with their full name, due to the childhood experiences – it makes one wonder that the name that we are being given at birth can be used in such a negative way that it leaves us not claiming it…

        1. Exactly and it can leave us not claiming ourselves either which leads to a very woeful situation!

194. There is much more to changing names than we often realise. For example there is a numerological aspect to each name and there also is an energetic aspect in relation to other people who have incarnated under that name. There are also the points you have raised Leigh and our personal relationship.

195. What I love about Leigh’s approach about the question of retaining her married or maiden name is how she gave herself the space to feel what was the truth for her with a sense of real patience and understanding and without the need for a quick answer that may have quenched a feeling of tension but might not have ultimately been the most healing answer or approach.

196. ‘…am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?’ I love this question. It says we are never bound by our past choices and always free to choose love.

197. I get a sense also of letting go – letting go to the attachment or the role that is symbolised by the taking of another name

     1. Yes that is a great way of saying it – letting go of the attached role to a name. Funny how we assume something other than what we are just by adopting a name …

198. There is not an ounce of truth in pictures. Any time that we are mesmerised by a picture or hold a picture as something to aspire to then this is a sure sign that we have a deviated from the truth.

199. I’m sure it doesn’t really matter whether you changed your name or not, but on the other hand, names do have a vibration and represent who we are, so I feel we are entitled to choose.

200. What do we take on when we accept ‘titles’ to our name? It might be the ‘Mrs’ or the ‘Ms’, and what of the honoury titles like “lord, Sir, Lady etc.’ or the qualification titles like ‘Dr., Judge, Proff’ and the like. Who do we morph into when we assume a role that is external to our innate essence or can we hold both equally?

201. It is amazing what we can take on when we step into a role and rather than being ourselves in the role, we become the role and how we think we should be – in the case of marriage, that can be represented by the taking on of the name of another.

     1. Yes indeed, it is important to consider if there are any roles we are taking on in life, and if we are compromising our true selves in any way to fit the bill.

        1. I agree – we can step into many different roles and responsibilities, so long as we step into those roles with all of who we are and we bring who we are to the role, rather than needing the role to give us what need to have an identification

202. ‘It now feels that if I change back to my maiden name I will not be giving myself the grace to heal the hardness that I brought into my life from the moment I married.’ – Such a huge realisation Leigh – we can so often move on from the discomfort of feeling the consequenses of the choices we have made and miss out on the opportunity to heal the old hurts – which would bring us to a completion.

203. The words you used Leigh “toughen up” in relation to what is involved in changing a name, is very significant, as it meant more of the same hardened energy you have been living in. That you asked your body to show you and it led you to accept and live the sweetness you are feels beautifully surrendering through your choices to the continuously evolving process of your life. We can never go back to the garden of Eden and that complete innocence of childhood, but moving on can bring us to Heaven on earth, where maybe you will feel to let all names go?

204. Thanks for sharing Leigh and this is such a honest way to be looking at what is really going on when the thought of your name change came about. We can come to some realisations but it doesn’t mean we need to abandon where we are, we simply have the opportunity to re-imprint and choose what feels true.

205. The sounds and spellings of names are so different and varied, yet more so are the people with those names – who each bring a unique quality to the name.

     1. I love this Rosanna – ” …each bring a unique quality to the name.”

206. If everything is energy, and as Serge Benhayon has presented, everything is therefore because of energy, then there is energy to a name and especially when that name is spoken because this creates sound. So, what names we have and are called by surely does have an impact on how we feel about ourselves and the relationship we then have with the wider world around us.

207. The expression of true beauty is in us expressing who we are.

208. I think it’s great how you recognised that actually the question isn’t really just about the name change but more so are you willing to open up and allow yourself to truly express who you are and be seen in the world, consistently with everyone, without perfection but with a commitment to be true to who you are rather than play a ‘role’ or ‘title’…

209. Beautiful teaching Leigh showing us that when we create the space to really explore what is behind our desires, a whole new appreciation and awareness of our choices and motives opens up, which can very intelligently guide our future direction.

210. We tend to go into relationships with expectations of how life will be and that is always going to lead to frustration, resentment and bitterness, because life rarely turns out the way we expect. If we compromise in any way in order to preserve the relationship then that can lead to disaster as we feel like victims of circumstance. One of the most important things I am discovering is the need for us to express truth right from the start – not in a critical way, but in an honest way, without judgement or blame, and without expecting or even wanting the other to change. Relationships offer reflection to us 24/7 and it is up to us to make the changes and adjustments but always in truth by letting go of our own hurts, not by being abusive or by hurting our partners.

     1. In reading this comment it really hit home for me how we go into relationships looking to them to be our savior and in so doing don’t take to the relationship the quality that we choose to live by. How much has the way relationships have been formed and lived undermined the truth of connection with another human being.

        1. Leigh thats so true, no matter what type of relationship it is we often look at what we can get from it, how it will help us out instead of what can that relationship deliver to humanity and for evolution.

211. A name or a title can never in itself bring us anything, it’s our energetic choices that bring everything to anything. I don’t need to have a religious title to feel God in every cell of my body and likewise the title of ‘Pope’ does not guarantee that whoever has the title will know God.

     1. Alexis, wisdom expressed in few words. How easy it is to be distracted from truth.

     2. Such wise words Alexis and so true. A title is just that, and does not guarantee that the person with the title is living a life that reflects the truth of what they are representing.

     3. Absolutely beautiful, great words of wisdom “it’s our energetic choices that bring everything to anything”.

212. It’s interesting how when we have a ‘challenging’ decision to make, we can worry about how it will impact on others. Whilst it is loving to consider other people, it also feels like it can sometimes be a distraction for us to avoid deeply surrendering in our own body to feel what best supports us. It’s very beautiful how you stayed with your body, Leigh, allowing yourself the grace to feel into what feels true for you.

     1. That is a great point Alison and the truth always support EVERYONE equally so it is the most loving thing for everyone if we choose what is true.

     2. Very much so – it can be such a burden if we forego our own inherent true feeling and decision making in favour of how another might feel because of it. Of course it is important to reflect on our choices, yet ultimately it is our own body that we can trust the most and allow its communication to support our decisions.

213. Family names are very much tied up in ideas of legacy, legitimacy, inheritance and the like. All of which are ultimately falsehoods, being about preserving or adulating a lineage when the truth is we’re all part of the same, universal family. To have a focus on the former is to have a focus on separation, on ‘me and mine’ rather than the all.

     1. One of the things that arose in the pondering of my name change was the inner strength and quality that the woman who shared my maiden name lived with. There was a moment when I felt this that I almost went and changed my name back. I have since realized that I would have done so to essentially hang off the coat tails of their living way instead of firmly and forever deepening my own.

        1. That is a great realisation Leigh – it also shows your deep connection to yourself, your essence – to who you truly are.

214. When we are willing to bring true understanding then great revelations can be given to us.

     1. Beautiful, great words of wisdom Elizabeth.

215. Thank you Leigh. To come to the conclusion that you have, shows the depth of your connection to yourself and what is right for you.

     1. Hear hear lovely confirmation indeed.

216. ‘It now feels that if I change back to my maiden name I will not be giving myself the grace to heal the hardness that I brought into my life from the moment I married.’ This is quite a revelation and amazing that you are prepared to look at your past choices and what the repercussions have been.

217. This reminds me of when I got married and I had not decided as yet whether to take on my husband’s name or not, but as the wedding ceremony ended the celebrant announced me as Mrs Chang, and though it was a surprise (and, he had not realised that he had done it!) it actually brought a big smile to my face and I just knew it was what felt right. But Leigh, I love what you have presented here about the symbolism of taking on another name and also about how things can be construed by others, self or children etc. There is a beauty in both names and this needs to be appreciated for what it brings.

     1. “There is a beauty in both names and this needs to be appreciated for what it brings…” This is so true Henrietta, There is a common thread of beauty contained within all names that is there to be appreciated if we choose to feel… like the facets of a diamond, each name brings its unique beauty and sparkle.

     2. Yes and there are so many ideals and beliefs that come from our own upbringing or what we fall for to please or change that may not be true – yet may be perceived by others as the only truth. This blog is a great marker of how we can discern more when we sit and feel what is truly going on.

218. Awesome sharing Leigh – and it highlights the fact that we can give our power away to a name change rather than accept the healing and the learning that has come with our previous choices! A beautiful way to see things as an opportunity on all levels!

     1. Love your expression here Henrietta – and it is so true, the mind can be such a trickster and when we choose the body over the mind we are able to much more feel into the truth of what is really needed rather than the things the mind likes to pan out for us…

219. ‘It now feels that if I change back to my maiden name I will not be giving myself the grace to heal the hardness that I brought into my life from the moment I married.’
     This makes total sense to me. How lovely to redress the steps taken away from your natural sweetness back to yourself.What’s lovely is that sweetness never went anywhere – it was just covered up in hardness – something I can remind myself of too. I am not the hardness I’ve chosen and I may wince over what I’ve chosen but that’s very different to choosing it again. It’s ok to feel how at odds with myself those choices were. No need to pretend or bury them but embrace my sweetness again and celebrate.

220. Oh how we complicate life by our expectations, reactions and refusal to see our part in the outplay of life. Thank you for the insights.

221. This is such a great conversational piece that would be truly inspiring for many as it breaks down the myths of how we focus so much on the name and not the way we are choosing to live that offers another the quality of the name – maiden or married.

222. The name is also energetically linked to the family it belongs to, so in reverting to our maiden name, are we relinquishing any energetic responsibility towards our husband’s family? Possibly not because we are all in relationship whether divorced or not.

223. Beautiful Leigh… what a gorgeous example of what separation and divorce can be… with love.

224. We use changing names as a way of indicating something about how we relate to others but this in itself is the key, it is how we relate to others and ourselves which is the most important aspect.

225. “As I see each one and read the energy that I was choosing to use at that moment, I am becoming aware of the tension that I have held in my body from living this way. I am aware of this because my body is literally releasing this tension with each memory.”
     Love this Leigh because it shows that we are truly able to self heal through allowing ourselves the grace of understanding and acceptance to reflect on our choices and in turn allow the body to reconfigure the disharmonious imprints of old momentums.

226. To take the responsibilities for what we have chosen without blaming someone else is so refreshing! It is for me a door opener to who we truly are.

227. The way you and your husband have broken up is ground breaking. Most relationships end up in quite a mess, but the grace with which you have parted can be felt and is a role model for the world. Parting company can be a very honouring appreciation of the journey you have shared to date and the fact that you have arrived at that point in life where it is time to go different ways. There is much for us to learn from your example Leigh.

228. “To Change My Name or Not – That is the Question” – from your post what is clear is the question being more so about the quality [of energy]. That is always the question in everything.

229. We can and do spend an inordinate number of lifetimes separated from the truth of who we are but eventually we will all return to that truth and once again be re-united in the body of God.

230. This is such a beautiful claiming, Leigh – “there is a sense of surrender, a ‘thank goodness’ that I am choosing to return to my true essence and its presence that is very palpable.” Once we get to this point, nothing means more to us than staying connected to our soulful essence in everyday life.

231. The whole name change question is interesting in terms of what it ‘brings up’ for people … I remember thinking about the lineage of my maiden name and feeling a certain responsibility to allow it to continue. However, I realised that it’s not about the name as much as it is about how I feel about my name, which can be very revealing. I ended up taking my husbands name as I wanted to do so, if I hadn’t wanted to, I wouldn’t have. There was no pressure at all, many of my friends chose to keep their maiden name, it felt right for me to do so.

232. ‘The process of this was done with deep respect, and at times, with a deep love of each other as we organised and moved through this challenging time’ – you show how we can move through the most heart-wrenching times together, still holding each other in love, when we choose to take responsibility for the part we have played in the situation. It’s when we fail to do this that we can fall into the blame game and vent our hurt on others, causing even more pain and hurt which continues to stay with us, until we are ready to be honest and accept the truth of how we have contributed.

233. It never ceases to amaze and inspire me how forgiving our bodies are. When we consider we can live in a hard and very unloving way for years, decades in fact (I’ve done this myself too) and then as we begin to truly heal and to feel the effect of our behaviours, our bodies do literally release the tension with every memory – its quite astounding really.

234. ‘I am aware of this because my body is literally releasing this tension with each memory.’ I love how we know how to clear the past through making different choices today – it happens naturally. No need for regret, just love and truth.

235. You gloss over so lightly how your relationship ended so lovingly, there are not many divorces that proceed in that way. But with your awareness of how to approach things and allow them to flow Leigh, and the underlying understanding of how you can return to your original connection is a testament to how whatever is next will also be decided.

236. When we consider names carry a vibration and that our names are not random, that they bring a certain expression and quality the names we ‘choose’ have a purpose. Nothing is up to chance and letters and numbers are also a communication for us.

     1. So true Victoria… I recently had to ponder whether to return to my full name, or keep the shortened version. Understanding the numbers and quality of each name helped enormously to get a feel for which felt true to who I am today.

237. Thank you Leigh for expressing about a very well trodden path that many of us take. We identify with, and take on, roles that turn us away from our natural delicateness and sweetness as we think that we ‘have to be something’ in the world.

238. I like that Elizabeth. Part of us being presented with challenges is the opportunity to connect to and bring out that innate wisdom.

239. That all makes sense Leigh, one of the consequences of taking on these pictures and holding those expectations is to harden the body in order to be in a way that’s not at all naturally the way we are made to be with one another.

240. Going through your questions that filled you head- interesting that it was all about something or someone in the outside. Taking responsibility for reactions of others that may appear is a ultimate way of distraction and holding back of feeling and seeing the truth. How quickly you can get tricked by administratives barriers aswell, but in the end it is also a way of comparing between comfort or truth.

241. I love Leigh how you break it down to the truth about the question and not the end result. Before the rootcause why you shut down is not healed and announced it will not change with a change of name. And even if you decide one day to change your name back to your maiden name, it will be out of a different , truer purpose. I love how you went for the uncomfortable way instead of the comfortable escape.

242. What a fantastic open question – which absolutely applies to me without the question of name change. In growing up I discarded the qualities of joy, vulnerability, sensitivity, lightness, simplicity and wonder to fit into to the roles I took on. Living it has been quite yuk at times, discovering what I had chosen was an eek! Letting it go and re-connecting to my innate qualities is a delight.

243. This seems an intensely individual decision and may be related to which family one feels to belong to.

244. Taking this further I can really feel the hold, imposition, judgement and separation that names can impose and all the defies systems and preconceptions that they can carry. But I’m not talking about names of people. Job names – am I a film director or am I me? Country names – Am I English or am I one of the 7.2 billion people that make up or one society. Colour names – and I White or am I exactly the same as everyone else under my 2mm of skin? Anything that categorises us can potentially cap us if we choose to align to the consciousness of that category.

     1. So true, Otto, when we are identifying with being part of a certain group, as in being English or Australian, we are seeing ourselves as being separate from the other groups, American, French etc. There is often a ‘championing’ that comes with this ‘identification’, I am a Director rather than an Admin – in that championing we consider ourselves to be ‘better’ than the other group, even if we don’t explicitly say so, it can be felt through the identification. In return, other groups will feel they are not as good, which is equally debilitating. Energetically, everything is felt, hence we are all being asked, challenged even, to go to a far deeper level of honesty within ourselves about what we are actually choosing in each movement.

        1. So, so true what you say here Alison – and it gets down to very fine detail; in my industry for example, there will be judgement delivered, received and felt between whether I call myself a TV Director or a Film Director.

245. We can be so quick to jump to the decision, without realising the extent of healing breaking things down can bring.

     1. Yes, Abby, this is a great example of how important it is to feel our way step by step through decision-making processes, and we can often be surprised by the depths of truth we can get to by staying with it.

246. Sometimes we compromise ourselves in order to make the relationship ‘work’ suppressing our natural way of being into some kind of picture we think the other person wants us to be. It is a lie we have been sold because the more we are fully ourselves the more love we can offer another, anything less than that is a compromise.

247. What is so beautiful here also Leigh is that you never let go of the connection with your long term partner. Maintaining that connection and not holding onto ‘blame’ is super inspiring.

248. Oh boy, I know that one: “I’m alright. I don’t need any help”. Such a damaging mindset to get stuck into as I did. So much freer to recognise that we cannot do it alone.

     1. When ever I have been “doing it alone” things seem difficult and complicated, and nothing seems to change, where just a conversation with another can open our minds to another understanding and the complication disappears. Doing it alone is a falsity that we have endorsed, one that keeps us isolated and separated.

        1. I agree. Others can be extremely helpful. It is important to discern but overall the benefit is very large.

249. When we choose to go deeper, to not apportion blame and go for band—aid solutions, what comes back to us is magic – as in your case Leigh, beautifully shared with us, an expansion of yourself and an expansion of true family where in truth there is no separation but simply more love.

250. It really comes down to what is true instead of right and wrongs. For one person it might be including changing the name for others not so much but it always about our choices and not about the outside like the name.

251. It’s interesting how letting go of a way of being in our lives from something we have taken on can take us back to a feeling earlier in life. I have had this experience and on occasions it can feel like, as a 39 year old man, that I have very little experience as an adult in a certain area and this can make you feel very vulnerable in a way but in letting go of what is not us and simply being open we also allow in all of the support we truly need.

252. We will know whether to change our name or not when we remain true to ourselves and feel what works best for us. I changed my name when I got married recently, it felt expansive and an opportunity to move on. Plus how can you not love a name like Valentine😀

     1. Hard to argue with that Mrs Valentine 🙂 It suits you well.

        1. Thank you Victoria a name I am growing into. When I told everyone at work what my married name would be they immediately loved it.

253. Thanks, Leigh. It is super inspiring that you do not blame anyone or look to find external explanations for why you have been living less than the gorgeousness you know you are.

254. Once we open up the Pandora’s box of hidden feelings within it’s beautiful to see what emerges as we unfold. As we allow our true innate nature to blossom we re-connect with that beautiful innocence and sense of wonder that is within as a child.

255. Brilliant Leigh, so often in life we veer from one extreme to another, declaring what we previously chose as not ‘right’. Yet my experience is this simply results in more of the same. The change we think we seek and desire just turns out to be a prolonged period of pain. To truly activate change we have to be willing to go deep and examine the energy we choose to live in and the hurts we have so long tried to avoid.

256. We can re-arrange the deck chairs all we like but it is not until we address the energetic choices behind the scenes that true and lasting change occurs. So often when we do, the craving to move the deck chair vanish because we realize that it is not the problem, it is the quality we have inwardly chosen that requires attention.

257. If only we were all able to look so truthfully and lovingly at our relationships with ourselves and our partners and see our roll in every circumstance and learn from it, the world would be a far more harmonious place.

258. Thank you Leigh for all that you have shared. So much is involved in changing one’s name and has to be felt step by step along one’s way. Over the last year I eventually change my given name back to my name at birth. It was a whole process of healing all along the way and many steps were taken all along the way, especially as I had my old name for over 27 years. Now I am back to my given legal name at birth, Mary. For me, my name change has finally given me the opportunity of claiming who I am and my name in this world.

259. Leigh, there is so much that stands out about the considerations that you made. Just one of them was your deep consideration for your husband’s feelings if you changed your name back to your maiden name. So many women would have chosen to change their name back to their maiden name with the specific intent to hurt their ex husbands. We really are living such a long way from truth.

260. Women very often harden up and shut ourselves down, it can be in marriage, motherhood, taking up a role we identify in etc. When this happens the person is no longer real, but we are a walking protection of hardness that no one can ever touch or feel the truth of. This is a deeply saddening fact to everyone around and if we as women continue to champion this refusing to be aware of how our choices are affecting ourselves and others, there comes a point we have to come back to responsibility. I often deeply appreciate those people around me who love me enough to not let me get away with this.

261. Claiming our name is indeed powerful and profound Elizabeth, I agree.

262. Very beautiful sharing Leigh. What I love about your aharing is how both you went through the process of separation with respect and love.

263. “It feels almost scary to let my sweetness out, to let it be seen and felt inside of me.” I’ve had that feeling as well, when there is a real strength inside me that I am almost unsure of what will happen if I let it out, if I let my essence shine.

264. Wow Leigh. I am about to get married and pondering changing my name. I can see that it is the quality that I make this decision in that will matter not so much what I decide to do.

265. Thanks for sharing this Leigh. Sweetness can be attacked ruthlessly so no mystery why we learn to hide it and not let it out.

266. Often more important than the answer to our question is noticing what prompted the question in the first place.

267. Our bodies offer so much truth and wisdom if we are open to receiving it.

     1. Absolutely so true, in re-connecting to the quality of stillness within everything is revealed in such detail. So worth listening.

268. Although things may make sense on the surface I find it is always invaluable to connect to the body and ask ‘why?’ As you present Leigh it wasnt so much about changing your name, it was the ‘why did I leave my sweetness’ that exposes a great deal.

269. “It was like getting married flicked a switch inside of me that said – OK, now you have to toughen up, you have responsibilities, you are a wife and you have to care for your husband, your thoughts and philosophies on life no longer matter, you have to take on those of my husband’s… and that my friends were no longer important. I had a husband now and he was the most important thing in my life.” It is amazing how just reading through this list I felt the familiar personal hardening and the regimentation that I myself have chosen to go into also, within my relationship, not only suffocating my sweetness but also my playfulness. I have come to see how important it is to keep this essence alive within a relationship. I also realise how much of this is linked to me finding my true purpose and then sharing this with my family and my relationships. Finding what it is that inspires me, makes all the difference to my family dynamic and all my relationships. As I am able to feel my own empowerment first.

270. So true Elizabeth, we are definitely empowered when we us our full name the energetic difference is noticeable.

271. So true Jane, Short amazing articles that could turn into chapters of a book one day, and even possibly an appendix of these amazing comments that add so much to the blogs.

272. If we do not find the truth of who we are ‘this life’ then there is always next life, and over many lives our name will probably change or possibly not?
     Then is it our essence that deepens the decency and respect we hold for our-self and therefore for others that bringing a connection to our life, so we develop our divine purpose with a focus on being Love? So is it Love we are all searching for and our name will some day change and it is always up to each of us to have an absolute Focus on our Inner-Most connection or Essence which is our Soul connection, so we have to be at-least honest with what we are connected to when making any choices.

273. It is inspiring to feel the love you hold yourself and your partner in Leigh. You show it is possible divorce does not need to be a war between us when it is time to move on.

274. I agree, Jane. I was deeply touched by the way you spoke of your ex-husband, Leigh, how honouring you are of him. Irrespective of the fact that you chose to go your separate way and the hurts that you both had/have to work through, he is still the same gorgeous man that you chose to marry all those years ago. He is not at a point to walk the same path as you, however, that is his choice and your choice to respect this in the way that you are is something to deeply appreciate. It’s very inspiring.

275. How refreshing to read about a divorce… with love!

276. ‘The hardened way I was living completely shut me off from accepting any help or support, as I saw such care as a criticism and so pushed away anyone who loved me and wanted to support me.’ … isn’t it interesting how we can twist things and make life so hard for ourselves. Buying into ideals and beliefs snares us in it’s trap and we then find ourselves trying to live up to completely unattainable expectations, pushing away the love that is there to support us to avoid ‘loosing face’.

277. Every situation revolves around our relationship with ourselves first and the level of deep love and care we have that just continues to deepen. We are not taught to be truly intimate with ourselves first before with another, as we learn from young to hold back, even from ourselves.

278. “That to know another intimately will become my natural way, because I am choosing to know myself intimately again.” It starts and ends with us. We need to live the change we want to see in the world.

279. Super gorgeous blog Leigh, it was really lovely to feel the layers of discovery as you allowed yourself to surrender to what your situation had on offer.

280. I wonder how much the feeling with each name is not just associated with yourself but also with the family associated with each name – they may be quite different and your contribution by being a member to each family may be quite different.

281. Thank you Leigh for sharing. I experienced after my divorce and re-claiming back my maiden name a hugh relief and expansion in my body, but never asked myself the question why this actually was the case. In hindsight it was just a relief, but without me taking the responsibility of my part in the marriage and divorce.

282. Taking the time to stop and feel the energy of our situations brings so much healing.

283. In giving ourselves the space to feel and consider something offers up many golden truths that would otherwise remain buried.

     1. Spot on Johanne, the awareness Leigh came to was possible because of her allowing space and grace for all to unfold in a true way.

284. Such a beautiful Blog Leigh on so many levels. I can totally relate to the hardness and protection you speak of when we believe we have to get through life without support and end up isolating ourselves in the process and cutting ourselves off from love.

285. Something given from the outside can never change what we feel on the inside and you’ve felt in yourself the choices you had made that lead you going into hardness. How this was your choice related to ideals and beliefs you’ve followed. Leigh I love how the question shall I change my name has lead you to feel and come back to your natural sweetness, innocence and the purity of your essence, And with writing this blog you have already answered your last question.

286. ‘…am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?’ Great question Leigh – whatever our name, or status. I look forward to the sequel.

287. I imagine many women could relate to this, the putting everyone else first can never be true as it is almost always superseded by frustration and resentment.

288. As a woman there can be so many pressures placed on us to ‘get married’ or ‘have kids’, these pressures come from all angles, those close to us, the media and even from within. Healing begins when we start to recognise the myriads of ways we have walked to the beat of another’s drum, instead of being in the grace of our own.

289. This is so gorgeous to read. I know how hard I’ve chosen to live which started very young. I love how you’re feeling each choice where you choose hardness and are seeing another way. I often don’t want to feel or see my choices and so ingrain deeper the hardness as I don’t choose to release it, knowing my sweetness is just so lovely it’s painful to feel how harsh I’ve been with trying to annihilate it and with it me because it is an aspect of my essence. So a very inspiring read. Thank you.

290. This has made me ponder on what happened to my sweetness – I did go back to my maiden name with a sense of relief as soon as we separated. I never did like my married name and my signature was always an apology. Now I write it with a flourish and my sweetness has slowly been returning. Having said that a few old patterns of behaviour have arisen in a new relationship so there is more for me to explore in terms of letting my true self be seen.

291. We have so many pictures and ways we should be in the roles we take on in life, all the time separating from that sweet essence within.

292. ‘…thank goodness’ that I am choosing to return to my true essence and its presence that is very palpable.’ This is beautiful Leigh, not only is this amazing for you, but also the whole world gets to benefit as well!

293. Thank you, Leigh. I am so touched by your integrity and sense of responsibility for healing any patterns of behaviour that led to you living less than your true nature, rather than making it about the name.

     1. Spot on Janet, and may I add when we get honest with our own ‘patterns’ and beliefs we realise the energy we are in is what has to shift so energetically we become responsible for our True nature.

294. This is huge as it is not about rushing to make a change for change’s sake but feeling into what will truly support you to return to the sweetness of your essence. Building the intimacy of the relationship with yourself will then be reflected and is a beautiful gift to share with us all.

295. I’ve pondered this question Leigh too – though be it the other way around – should I take my husband’s name and give up my birth name.

     1. An interesting question indeed, Rosanna, which family will get the healing of you carrying their name?

        1. Thank you Monica, that throws a whole different light on a question much pondered by both married and divorced women.

     2. Perhaps it depends on what is needed?

        1. That’s my feeling too Christoph, there are times when it feels true to change a name and at other times not. As long as we stay true to ourselves and don’t bring in any ideals or beliefs we will know what is needed.

296. Finding the true deeper reason for your contemplation makes the question irrelevant, but through the original question, you found the real quest of returning to your sweetness, by any name.

297. It just goes to show that it is not our name or anything else that is the problem. The answer lies in our response to it and how we deal with it. There is always something to uncover beneath a reaction which will take us deeper in our understanding.

298. Our name, style, fashion and character is all an expression of this spark or ‘essence’ as you’ve described. Our style in particular can feel outdated from time to time, because as we evolve in our lives, take on different responsibilities and deepen our understanding, care etc. we may need to tweak these things to support us in the next stage of our evolution.

299. I can relate to this blog Leigh. There have been many times when Ive focused on something outside of myself thinking it would make me feel better. One example was moving country. Your blog has made me stop to ponder on the fact that there is often a knee jerk reaction at first, but then always a deeper level to uncover and examine.

300. The intentions we have for making choices show us what may lie beneath the choice itself and is by following the this path that we can learn so much more as is beautifully the case here.

301. How easy it is to be distracted from truth and focus on externals. You were not caught by this Leigh. Instead, you went deeper, re-connected to a remembered sweetness of your youth, your true essence and this became your inspiration for the present. Tremendously healing.

302. I completely understand the pressure of being a mother. I raised my child as a single mother since she was 3
     And what I didn’t appreciate was the pictures and the guilt I took upon myself and how damaging this has been to myself as I turned myself into a pretzel in order to try and make everything right.
     I can honestly say that the support of the Benhayon family has been exceptional they have all helped me to
     let go of some very ingrained patterns, ideals and beliefs I had about motherhood and because of this support I have set myself free from them, of how I should be and have at last connected to who I truly am.
     and all the patterns, ideals, beliefs have fallen away and the relief in my body is immense.

303. Leigh, this really makes sense how we can’t have an intimate relationship with others if we don’t have it with ourselves first; ‘to know another intimately will become my natural way, because I am choosing to know myself intimately again.’

304. When we ignore the lessons offered from our bad choices, are we left with making more ill decisions in an attempt to bury the past?

     1. This is so true Steve. We often don’t want to see the part we have played in getting ourselves to a place of misery. Facing this is the best way to not repeat bad choices from the past and be empowered to make new ones.

     2. Absolutely steve and when we jump to the quick fix solutions to consequences of our choices we completely miss out on the lesson to be learnt and the healing on offer in even our darkest hours.

305. I love the awareness you were given when you stopped to feel into the impact of changing your name. We can have dilemmas in life which we go over and over again but what you are sharing is that by stopping and feeling the impact of each choice your body gave you all the answers you needed.

     1. What is so very profound in allowing our body to say what is true for it is that the decision is easy, there is no second guessing or doubt. Just a very clear knowing of what is true for it. From this point it is very simple to move forward.

306. This is a subtle but powerful lesson that shows us changing the outer world, no matter how slight does not actually bring the true change we desire. Realizing the actions we have internally chosen and seeking to heal and change these decisions is where the real power of evolution lies.

307. A beatufiul blog Leigh, exposing the importance of always being true to ourselves, regardless of the relatiosnhip we are in. Our name, and whatever we choose that to be, has to be a true reflection of who we are. If we take on anothers name when we get married, it should not mean that we let go of the connection to who we are, but that we expand and grow in our relationship together, which is then reflected in our joint name,

308. A true divorce made from love.

309. This is awesome, as I often spend time of decisions like this, wondering what to do? What you are offering is rather than wonder, pause and feel each name, from here, the decision is actually made for you.

310. Indeed Jane, we do not have to sit still and meditate for hours to get the answers on our questions, but just by living life in conscious presence all the answers will just be there, presented to us by the environment we live in and the people we meet.

311. We often tend to go for the obvious, like in you case Leigh, to change your name to take away the tension you felt from not living your natural sweetness. But actually stop and ponder deeply brings us to the true answers and the obvious then comes from a much deeper level, the essence of our being.

312. It’s very beautiful to follow your journey, Leigh. How your honesty and commitment to finding what feels true for you allowed you to lovingly peel back the layers and deeply connect with your divine wisdom, revealing that the sweet, tender, woman that you remembered being, is still there.

313. ‘what is important is that I have recognised what I did to myself in my belief of how I needed to be in my marriage.’ – what an insightful and powerful blog, Leigh. You really expose what happens when we buy into ideals and beliefs, without realising what we’re actually signing up for and, therefore, how it will impact us.

314. It’s so beholding how we are presented with many many opportunities in life to simply return to all we are.

315. Leigh – this is a very gorgeous sharing. Thank you. There are so many ideals and beliefs that we take on when we think we have to play the role of a wife, mother, husband, father. It’s so interesting that this happens when it’s not a true part of us.

316. “So the question to change my name is not the true question that I was asking: what I was asking is, am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?” – to then spark with grace and resonance the name, whatever it may be.

     1. Spot on Zofia – well said! It is the light we bring to the name and the light that the name brings to us that we can constellate with and double the love that can pour forth!

317. This is gorgeous Leigh and deeply inspiring. I would say many name changes are made out of reaction and wanting to not feel. I love how you allowed yourself to surrender to all there was to feel.

318. It is lovely to read of how you felt responsible for yourself in what you uncovered related to hardening and shutting away your true essence due to marriage. So often there is blame and bitterness in relationships, especially break ups, so there is much to appreciate in how you both lovingly and respectfully separated, and the way you approached returning to your essence.

319. Let out your sweetness Leigh! you are so very sweet!!

320. The power of our names is something we don’t see as significant and yet it is – very much so. Changing my name (in my mid forties) back to what it was meant to be at birth completely re-configured my body; the way I was in my body and how I related to it also completely changed.

321. Lovely to read what was underneath your question of changing your name and that by letting go of any pictures and ideals you in all your sweetness and full essence are given space and are still there.

     1. When we get honest with experiences and how they make us feel and our part in them – then a whole new perspective becomes available from a point of truth.

322. “There is more to life than what meets the eye”. This saying came strongly to me reading your blog today. At first glance, this is a decision about changing names – to do or not to do. Then I loved where you took it, to sit with it, feel it in your body and see what wisdom comes up from there. And look at the incredible wisdom and understanding that unfolded from there. So much for you to learn from, understand, see clearly. All from saying, what else is there. How does this feel in m body? And from the willingness to be open and hear it.You are very inspiring Leigh Strack.

323. Thank you Leigh I love the way you have gone deeper underneath with this subject. We um and argh about so many decisions in this world but when we see there’s something happening at another level, it helps us understand that it was never just to do with the abc of day to day.

     1. Giving ourselves just the space to feel is so powerful and always revealing of what things mean, what we are feeling, how to move forward and so on.

324. Decisions we make that are based on others reactions will neither serve us nor them. Especially in the long run.

325. ‘I saw such care as criticism’ – how often we do this, when we feel that we have to prove ourselves to the world through what we do, because we don’t accept or appreciate our own, innate qualities that are right there within us.

326. Thank you Leigh, it is beautiful to feel the love and deep reflection your words convey. Our essence remains, no matter the name.

     1. And isn’t that what it’s all about – us living our essence.

327. When we choose self responsibility for the way we are with ourselves and others, we may be surprised as to the success which comes and which may have been there all along laying dormant.

328. As I read this I contemplated my own name. I realised that I have always rejected my middle name as I felt it didn’t fit and was too girly for me. My first and last name are quite strong, solid names but my middle name I never liked. Now I realise that it offers another aspect- the deeply still and surrendered reflection of what I hold as a woman and am now learning to live more of.

329. Leigh its deeply powerful to read your blog and the point “am I prepared to live again” its a question that is really one we all have to ask ourselves and whilst it can be easy to focus on the the doing, the being of living underpins everything.

330. Our names carry a certain vibration that we can either outgrow or deepen into. It can all seem well and good to have a name that sounds good on the surface, but not so if it is capping us below. I love where you went with this Leigh – allowing yourself to feel all there was to feel every step of the way.

331. This article reads like a great process and interesting how much we can choose to let go of or see in even something as simple as a name or name change. So often with these type of things there would be a push to just get it over and done with and move on and yet we can learn so much about ourselves and others if we take the time to feel each point as shown from this article. I read this wondering which way it would go, to change or not to change and yet by the end it wasn’t that question that was important. What was clear was the feeling that was paramount and letting go of what had been taken on as the result of a choice.

332. Leigh your beauty and deep respect for you and your path is very beautiful to read.

333. I love the honesty of what you are sharing, Leigh. How many of us change so much when we enter a relationship to please the other person that we lose sense of our own qualities and opinions? How many of us are prepared to give so much of ourselves away?

334. Very beautiful Leigh… and something I love about what you’ve shared is that the insight came once you became very still and went within. How often do we seek the answers to those sort of questions in life from others around us, talking to this person and that, looking for the perspective that suits what we want to hear in many cases. Going within, becoming still and feeling the truth of things is not our normal way… which explains the nature and quality of so many of our decisions.

     1. Yes true Jenny, from a foundation of stillness within us everything becomes clearer. While ever we look for the answers outside of us we can lead ourselves astray.

        1. Yes exactly Victoria, getting used to that foundation of stillness takes a bit of work, quite a bit, but is so worth it.

     2. Yes, the answers to all our questions literally wait inside us, for us to connect and listen to.

        1. Yes crazy isn’t it that we look everywhere but… very telling really in what it is we’re really seeking to find when we think we’re looking for a true answer.

     3. It’s very beautiful and simple what you have highlighted here Jennifer in Leigh’s blog, that we can simply go to the stillness within to truly feel our next step. Over the years I have spent a lot of time going back and forth in my mind about things, it can actually be quite a traumatic and exhausting process trying to think my way to what feels true, however connecting to the whole body intelligence and the inner stillness feels so simple.

        1. Totally agree Melinda, it’s excruciating trying to work out from the head what’s true or not, this way or that… we get so swayed by others opinions, expert advice, the beliefs and ideals we’ve taken on, pleasing others and so on. Learning to go inside and get very still to feel what’s true for us is not an usual practise anymore that’s for sure.

335. This feels so loving and so claimed I loved to feel the power and truth here shared. I love the way you express its so honest and so tangible, real feels like you are just sitting next to me sharing what you have written here.

336. This is beautiful Leigh and very healing. So often we can harden and turn away from things such as this – when we realise we did something we can then blame that situation. Wanting to keep your name and heal what was there is a beautiful thing rather than walk away from it because it was a time of hardness.

337. This is the kind of self reflection/ responsibility article that needs a double page spread in women’s magazine. This topic is well worth discussing, exploring and digging deeper.

338. This is a deeply heartfelt sharing Leigh that whilst reading feels like you have swung the door open and let us all in . . . allowing us to also be more intimate with ourselves as we also ponder on where we deserted our sweetness in the pursuit of a role and/or an identity.

339. So true how it is never the issue or circumstance itself that hurts us, it is what we choose in the moment in reaction to the issue or circumstance. We are far more powerful and capable to heal and empower ourselves, and the first step is always is the willingness to be deeply honest. Thank you for this reminder.

340. “I can at any time, no matter what name I hold, open up again to my sweetness and everything that comes with it.” Free will and responsibility all wrapped up in one wise sentence.

341. ” To Change My Name or Not – That is the Question.” I guess now the question has changed “why did I change my name in the first place.” It so wonderful to have these questions asked and allow for the answer. As a friend said to me one time, “its not about the parting its about how you part” and it sounds like you Leigh and your friend are doing a good job with it. Thank you for sharing.

342. Right on Leigh.
     I feel the truth in your discoveries and the power of you re-claiming yourself and not thinking you need a name change to do so.

343. Simply taking the time to connect and ponder on what to do, rather than an emotional-fuelled knee-jerk response paves way for such deep learning, insight and revelation.

344. Thank you for this very honest blog about relationships and I’m sure many people can relate to what you say here about how relationships can change once people get married. It does not have to be that way of course but marriage itself can come loaded with so many expectations and beliefs that it can crush the natural joy lightness and playfulness that may be present in a relationship at the beginning.

345. How wonderful that two people can divorce and still acknowledge and live the love they hold for each other. To me a marriage is a choice in every day two people are together and this is what makes it a true relationship and this choice to love and honour the other does not have to end when they choose their own paths. Thank you Leigh, for sharing your experience here.

346. Wow. This is a very different way of arriving at a decision. I can feel how we might be narrowing down the options for our choices when we come from a place of picking the right one. It feels like when we know and hold the value we want to live by, we simply know what to do and we might actually surprise ourselves by what we have decided to do.

347. This is a great example of healing Leigh and shows how damaging it is to discount or dismiss our natural expression in any way shape or form.

348. A beautiful story that should be printed in gold… There is nothing like feeling the sweetness of another, and better still feeling your own sweetness resonate deeply in you. It is certainly born from being intimate and open to everything and anyone reciprocating just how tender and delicate we are.

349. There is a much bigger conversation to come out of this as well; nick-names, monikers, aliases, stage names. Then there are also words like Mum and Dad; this is something which I’m often experimenting with my children and with my wife. Being called Dad or calling myself Dad has a very different flavour to being called Otto. Neither is right or wrong and there is often great surrender and appreciation in being called Dad, but there is also an amazing equality and intimacy in being called Otto. It’s fascinating to play with and shows me that there is a great deal more than just the name behind a name.

350. Judging from the sweetness of these words, you are already well on your way!!

351. What an incredible story Leigh. To change a name or not has revealed layers of awareness about your relationship with yourself and how that affected your relationship with your then husband. What a gift you are being offered by this whole experience, one that no doubt keeps on giving.

352. There is nothing to gain from just making it about words alone. In anything we do no matter how great it looks or seems if it leaves us in a position of expressing less than the sensitivity and love we deeply are then it is not a gain but a loss.

353. It’s curious what we attach to names. I’ve often wondered why it is women are the ones who are encouraged or expected to change their names when they marry. Well, I know why in the patriarchal, historical sense, but why shouldn’t a man adopt his wife’s name? It can be done from the legal perspective and exercising that option could open up a whole other kind of discernment, and break the deeply ingrained belief that women are the chattels of men. It could bring more equalness.

354. I love the level of discernment we can go to if we only allow it. What a beautiful surrendering to truth.

355. Beautiful that you were prepared to look at this situation and let out your sweetness xx, it’s amazing how a difference allowing ourselves to be more truly open with people makes.

356. I love the relationship you’ve described Leigh between your name and your essence. I can imagine naming children can be a gorgeous process when you connect to their uniqueness, essence and choose a name that captures this.

357. Thank you, Leigh. What a beautiful process of deepening the appreciation of your essence, which lights up the world under any name.

358. Thank you so much for this blog Leigh, it is so inspiring to read about the love that can be there amongst people who get divorced.

359. Beautiful sharing of the truth behind relationships and ways of being in life . Your honesty and depth of sharing is very touching and inspiring to live our essence in our lives and to honour this.”am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?”

360. At a time that could be filled with reaction, blame, resentment and emotion, its hugely inspiring Leigh to feel that it is first the love,understanding & responsibility you have committed to that will heal and support and not the choice to change your name.

361. Thank you Leigh it has been so healing for me to read about your experience of contemplating reverting to your maiden name and I can really relate to hardening up when I married and thus losing touch with my inner sweetness. I opted for the ease of retaining my married name without a lot of thought and for me it has been a process of many years to unpick the beliefs I had taken on with the various roles in my life that have obscured my sweetness. As I unpick the many layers of protection I am unfolding and deepening my relationship with myself which is naturally reflected in my relationships with others and the beautiful connections I am forging.

362. I think it’s beautiful Leigh how you recognised the choices that you made without any blame on anyone else – just seeing them for what they were and the opportunity that you have now to let go of any impositions that you previously placed on yourself (through false beliefs or ideals) and instead embrace being more true to who you really are.

363. The depth of your understanding about how you are feeling is an amazing reflection for us all to feel, getting divorced or not, but have we held onto the sensitive feelings we had when we were young, whatever has been going on in our lives?

364. It is incredible how much wisdom our bodies share with us when we are willing to stop and feel what is being offered.

365. Although it is not always a name that is the most important thing to address in a situation such as this, but if we are taking on anothers name it is important to feel if its true for us to take it on or not, as words/names also come with an energy. For me, although I wouldn’t hestiate to admit there was much healing for me to do post my divorce, there was no question about changing back to my maiden name once I knew the marriage was over. It was very much a part of, and almost a starting point of me reclaiming myself. Although we are all the same on the inside, we all have different ways of understanding and dealing with life.

366. It seems that a name represents so much more than just a name. In the end it is our association with it that matters and how we deal with this.

367. I love how you dive into this question of changing your name or not and discover much more, that it is not so much about the name but all the choices associated with being married and having children.

     1. Yes Esther. It gives us the opportunity to clearly see what ideals and beliefs we might be buying into if we take our partner’s name or go back to our maiden name without feeling into why we are doing this.

368. It was gorgeous to read and feel how the process of the separation was done with consideration, respect and honour of the other – especially after being together all those years. This is a role model example of how it can be done when the choice is made to part ways – it does not have to be a fight and a battle with the ex-partner which is the old way of doing things and evolves no-one.

369. How wise you are Leigh. It feels very powerful to stay to our past choices, take the responsibility about what they brought to us and everyone, learn out of them and …move on. Hello sweetness! Welcome back in town!

370. I know lots of people who have changed their name to change themselves. I had a boyfriend once who turned my family name around backwards to dispel the damage he felt it carried. He was doing that to help me unlock patterns that had been carried down from generation to generation and I acknowledge his kind intentions but it is only through allowing more awareness and acting on this that we can really change any behaviours going forward, Understanding the energy a name carries not just what we have dressed it with can also support this process.

371. I love how asking one question has led onto asking another completely different question – which is a great question for us all: ‘am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence’.

372. Beautiful blog Leigh. To quote a well-quoted phrase ‘A rose by any other name would smell as sweet’. It is inspiring to read about your experience and to feel the acceptance you have arrived at in your realisations and commitment to heal. Thank you.

373. I love this article because sometimes we can just jump to a solution to a dilemma without really pondering deeply on what it has to offer us and the way that you have let this unfold for you Leigh is very lovely and very inspiring.

374. “So the question to change my name is not the true question that I was asking: what I was asking is, am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?” it’s all about what we do next, the quality of our movements and our way of living.

375. Thankyou for sharing your story – feeling what lies beneath a desire to change your name. i too decided to keep my married name – but this was many years ago now. It still feels true for me as I felt so different when contemplating returning to my maiden name – my body said no. This was long before my introduction to Universal Medicine. It also made it easier for my young children at the time.

376. Leigh, thank you for sharing this very open and honest article, reading this makes me ponder on how I have changed and taken on ideals and beliefs of how I should be as a partner and mother rather than living true to who I innately am, it’s great to expose this.

377. I love how you made it about the choice you made and not about blaming the name for the change. Looking within to heal is always offering a more lasting change than blaming something outside of ourselves.

378. Thank you, Leigh, for sharing your pondering on whether to change your name or not. It’s a really, I mean REALLY, gorgeous example of what can happen when we are willing to feel what is going on deep within ourselves. We think it is about something that is appearing on the surface, but upon closer inspection, we can often find it is about something else all together. This may bring yet another reaction so giving ourselves time to let things unfold is crucial to living our own truth. Well done, YOU.

379. Leigh the choice to be still and really feel the true question and answer arise from within you regarding your name change is deeply inspiring..

380. Leigh I think the experience of mother’s ‘going it alone’ is a common one. I think there are a myriad of reasons why but the result is the same, hardship, struggle, isolation, exhaustion, bitterness, resentment, anger, frustration and rage. The two main reasons why I pushed through by myself were 1) a chronic lack of self worth and 2) a very ingrained belief that the more I could achieve by myself, the stronger I was as a woman. Beliefs are mighty powerful forces, they have the ability to keep us doggedly following certain ways of being, oblivious to the plaintive cries of the body.

381. Thank you Leigh, I love the no-blame approach you have taken to your marriage and your divorce, as this is not an easy thing to do when there is hurt and sadness. But this just goes to show just how powerful your sweetness is because that is what sweetness does – it does not blame but instead holds each person with love and understanding.

     1. Beautiful expansion of sweetness. How incredibly, supremely sweet to go through something as big as a divorce and hold no blame.

382. Do names make who we are or become or do we make names the expression of who we are? This is the same for many other things in life – do we live from the outside in or from the inside out?

383. I love the way that you made the choice to change your name or not by going deeper by asking yourself what the two names felt like and what they meant to you. So often we make a choice out of reaction and then regret what we have done. Choosing from our body and not just our mind brings a fullness and completion to any decision we make.

     1. Yes it does, it also brings a completeness to our decisions, as they are tangible actually physical experiences, that no one can tell you is not ‘right’ for you have felt the confirmation of your choice in your body.

384. Returning to your sweetness of being your true self will change everything and it doesn’t need a label.

385. Leigh this is a very interesting topic for me currently because someone I know was given a new mobile phone for their birthday and it was set up in their presence and they chose to have everything in their maiden name. And when the husband found this out he apparently went ballistic. And so it has got me wondering what is in a name and in this particular case it feels like ownership of someone, and this doesn’t feel right to me. Surely who we are and how we interact with each other is far more important than a name?

386. It took some time after my divorce to feel that it was time to change my surname back to my maiden name. I could feel that it was something not to hurry in to but that I would know when the time was right and I did, a few years later. And when my maiden name was reclaimed it felt so natural, as if I was being offered the opportunity to heal so much that had been waiting to be healed for a very long time.

387. Thank you Leigh and an important question to broach as so often we place more emphasis on our name than we do on the quality of relationship we have within our selves and with our partners. Changing our name does not automatically restore our inner sweetness, as you say it requires a conscious effort to feel where and why we have chosen to shut our selves off from this innate quality and how we resurrect love in our lives.

     1. So very true, it would be easy to put lip service to the experience, essentially thinking that because I have chosen to take my maiden name I will immediately be again sweet. Where there is nothing more far away from the truth as one cannot think themselves sweet and lovingly tender, this is a quality that can only be in our way of being if we again allow it to be how we live.

388. Such wisdom not to just jump in and blame the name and all that when with it but instead really feel what went on. It is so important and so amazing when we can return to letting that sweetness out.

389. In truth it is never the external that is the issue rather it is always what is internal.

390. Thank you for sharing Leigh, as instantly on reading this there was a recognition of what has been written and more of a realisation of the beliefs that are held around getting married, being a wife and a mother.

391. It is interesting to ponder on how much we associate with names and what it can bring up for us.

392. We can get some very unexpected answers when we go deeper within and probe what is needed rather than what we might want, need or prefer. It then becomes a question of what is true or not, way beyond any right or wrong or maybe.

     1. Yes it does become about what is true, a way to be that can take our lives in directions that we would never have before considered, but become reality with no effort, because there is a deep known truth that guides the choices we make.

393. Leigh something that really stands out about what you have shared, is the care and consideration that you have put into ‘feeling’ the truth of your decision about your name. So many of us make decisions automatically or out of reaction but you are staying open to what is true for you and by staying open for what is true for you, you align to the truth, which benefits us all.

394. Leigh for me there is no question as to whether you are prepared to live your sweetness, innocence and purity of essence, because all of these qualities are very easy to feel through the words that you have shared. Leigh you feel utterly delightful, you really do.

395. Wow, this is amazing Leigh. It is great to listen to your body in this way, to honour how you feel, connect to truth and to the sweetness of your essence that has always been there.

396. “So the question to change my name is not the true question that I was asking: what I was asking is, am I prepared to live again, explore, get to know and share with the world the sweetness, innocence and purity of my essence?” So beautiful Leigh, your sharing is so very lovely to read as it is truly coming from the heart and your deeper understanding of what’s really in question.

397. This is a beautiful example of the difference with reaction and deeper contemplation – and of how there is always so much more to any situation than the surface aspect that we see. You could have just gone for the issue being your name Leigh and that would have been that – it is what most of us would do. But in that, there is no deepening, and the opportunity to rediscover our inner most essence is lost. So this is a beautiful lesson of the power in reading situations instead of reacting to them, and the evolution and healing that can come from choosing to go there.

398. Amazing realisation, we can only change how we are through changing the choices we have made that have got us to where we do not want to be.

     1. Each one of us has chosen our way into a labrynth of lies and the only way out is to choose our way out, one loving choice at a time.

399. I love how you take the question deeper Leigh beyond the obvious labels of what things look like and came to an understanding of how you were and the choices you made and how these played out … how you went beyond blame and took responsibility and how in doing so you allowed yourself to truly heal. This is how we can be with ourselves and how we bring true change into our lives.

400. Wonderfully touching post Leigh, and love how you share that it’s not about the actual name (or change), but about the energy-feeling of yourself that is with that specific name. To maintain the name and heal yourself to become less hard and sweet once again feels so solid of your being…irrespective of what name follows your first name, in fact i can feel how it ignites the surname, whichever one it is!

401. I love this because it is not about the doing, in this case changing of a name but that you are willing to feel and look at the all of the energy underneath and around this in how you have lived.. and that is where the true healing begins. AMAZING. I cannot wait to read the blog of how you have allowed yourself to be all of the sweetness you are ✨

402. What a blog for us all Leigh. I married and took my husbands name and I can see there is a responsibility to remember I am still me! I resisted changing my name or wearing a ring for such a long time as I didn’t want to be owned, goodness it makes me laugh now but at the time I was very serious!!!

     1. This is so interesting to discuss. What you are sharing here Lucy exposes so much about tradition and how women were owned in the past in marriage or as daughters so that we can be in reaction to it today with pictures and ideals about how we ‘should’ be, being fiercely independent (and hard). The pictures we carry can be so insidious can’t they, so much so that sometimes we don’t even know we have embodied them. I took my husband’s name when I married because I wanted to confirm our union in this way and also confirm my commitment to being family with him – at the time it just didn’t feel quite right to keep my maiden name (before I ever met my husband I had staunchly defended the idea of keeping my maiden name in the event of a marriage – an ideal I had taken on from a ‘feminist’ perspective)! But I have found I am learning still about how to ‘still be me’ in the relationship whatever name I have. Nothing to do with my husband – but my own relationship with me and how to be claimed and stay true to that. I am pondering – if I had kept my own name whether that may have supported my journey with this?

        1. Yes, who knows, I remember wanting my children to have the same last name as me so people would know I was their mother! I know it sounds crazy because who cares what anyone else thinks but clearly this is a bigger issue than we realised just from what it has brought up in the two of us in this exchange!

        2. Lucy – so appreciating your honesty here! I have spent my life caring too much about what other people think or worried about their reaction if I change my mind or make a certain choice! I have found myself during many times in my life unable to express the truth of what I have been feeling because I worried too much about how it would ‘look’, that it would upset someone or that it would ‘compromise’ the image of myself that I wanted to portray, not being at home or at ease with the me that I am – claimed and totally ok with what I needed or wanted. Being aware of this clearly means I have made some shifts and for the support I have had in this I will be forever grateful!

        3. Yes that is wonder-full, we should consider these realisations miracles because the ripple effect of that understanding when it is lived by us changes trajectories for our lives and the lives of others as a result…

403. Having been faced with a similar situation as yourself some 15 years ago Leigh, I found that the choice I made was the opposite to yours. I chose to change back to my maiden name and do not regret it either. For myself this has been as strengthening and positive decision in my life.

404. My daughter wanted to change her name to my last name as she doesn’t see her dad very often and feels that she was given the wrong last name. She has never lived with him and doesn’t know his family so she feels like the odd one out with a different surname. When we approached her father about this, as she is under 18 he didn’t want to know about it so she can’t do anything about it until she is over 18. What she has come to realise is that it is not the name that matters, what matters is who are you and nothing else.

     1. It is very powerful to claim ourselves, no matter the name we have. It is very inspiring that your daughter has been able to do just this, especially in today’s world where the pressures on our younger generation are so much more intense that they used to be.

405. Leigh, it is great that you shared this, what I get from reading it is how much people change and lose themselves in relationships, trying to fit a picture rather than be the beautiful person the other fell in love with in the first place.

     1. Unfortunately so many of us fall in love with the picture.

        1. and with the picture we are all just living a lie in a way.

        2. absolutely Rosie, there is no truth in a picture. And when you think about it, it is a very sad fact, as most of humanity, regardless of who they are or where they live, hold up countless pictures that they hope to aspire to.

        3. And here we see why it is important to not get caught in the pictures and to talk about it and reflect a different way for everyone.

406. This blog shows that there is so much behind words – that actually when we sit with something, we can feel the energy that comes with it, and we have the opportunity to call out everything that comes with a word. By being honest about what is behind a word or in this case a name, it is actually a healing, as is shared here.

407. Rites of passage, such as a divorce, are great if often raw moments of reflection, realisation and renunciation. To have delved so deep in your own such experience is particularly inspiring in your willingness to use every hurt to unwrap the choice you made that lies behind it.

408. A simply gorgeous deepening of the women you are Leigh, through the observation, exploration and discovery that we are all equally returning to in our own time. This blog expresses the willingness to surrender to the what is and to confirm it by moving forward in sweet, delicate, purposeful movements. Thank you Leigh.

409. “That to know another intimately will become my natural way, because I am choosing to know myself intimately again.” Becoming intimate with myself I have found is ever deepening journey of discovery.

     1. Intimacy with ourselves leads to intimacy with God. It’s not possible to know God without first knowing ourselves.

        1. So true, Alex, everything starts from returning to self.

        2. Yes, it is only with intimacy with self that leads us to intimacy with God, as God is within us and we within God.

410. There is sweetness in the words that you write, because for me when I read heart felt honesty, I connect deeply to the person who is expressing that and feel honoured to share and learn and that is sweet, divine and inspiring.

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