Relationship Advice

For all the relationship advice I have received over the years, I can safely say that little of it served me well; if anything it contributed only to the fact that I stayed in relationships that I really ought to have ended long before I did. In fact some of them I never should have started!

I do recall my mother’s not-so-sage advice when I was embarking on my first serious relationship where she said, “try living with three different men before you decide to marry as you don’t really know someone until you live with them!” Even when she told me that something in me thought, “But what if I decide it should have been the first or second one and l’ve already moved on!”

Fortunately this advice didn’t stick and nothing of it swayed my choices to be in a relationship or not, let alone whether to marry or not. I already knew that I would only marry if it felt right.

Thirty-five years down the track from that advice I HAVE married, a man I never expected to meet and one so beautifully compatible there was no question when it came to marrying him, no matter what number he was in the ‘lived-with’ stakes.

Regardless of this compatibility, which supported us to establish a very harmonious and easy day-to-day relationship, there was still the inevitable navigation of our particular idiosyncrasies, or to be more precise, the areas where we were each still inclined to get triggered by one another.

This would lead to inevitable small irritations and occasionally escalate into a more obvious annoyance. These moments were short-lived but seemed out of place within the usual harmonious flow we generally found ourselves in.

One day, after one of these moments, I pondered a little deeper on what was taking place and how it might be addressed. I had already tried the usual head-on approach with little receptivity, unsurprisingly!

I recalled a presentation I had attended on appreciation with Serge Benhayon and he’d said something that suddenly struck home.

“If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.”

(AWT Presentation July 9th on Appreciation, 2016)

Bingo! I knew that was the answer.

Being someone with a tendency until then to see faults well before I might acknowledge valuable attributes (both in myself and others), I pondered the potential impact of my husband not feeling the extent of appreciation for who he is and ALL that he brings that is true and amazing.

So we embarked on what became a fun and playful nightly exercise of sharing one thing each that we appreciated about the other that day, each time something that had never been expressed before. The stipulation was that these could not be things we had done at a functional level; we were nominating true qualities we could recognise as present in something the other had done or said. For example, one thing that emerged is my husband has an in-built radar for truth. He can pick the ‘untruth’ in almost any situation and nail it in a few words. He is seldom swayed by the outer appearance of things and can hone in on exactly what it is that is out of order.

What unfolded for me was nothing short of incredible, with every night revealing yet another aspect or detail to this beautiful man that I had not brought to the light of day and expressed in full before. Interestingly, I found the healing in this exercise was often felt more in the expressing than it was in receiving back.

Each time something of truth was shared, we both felt expansive and confirmed in who we are, being beautiful, most definitely divine and oh, so worthwhile!

Essentially what occurred in our relationship over the next six months was that we built a foundation of love and respect for each other’s true value, a foundation that is there to this day and leaves us feeling unshakeable as a couple. There can be no focus on faults, when what is amazing and true in each other is plain as day.

As well, and quite miraculously, we got to know each other in such an intricate and detailed way that those niggles previously mentioned just melted away. There is no longer any annoyance with each other; that is now something relegated to an amusing, distant memory.

Appreciation of one another’s true value is now a natural and constant exchange between us, no longer a pointed exercise, as it is now just part of the foundation we call our relationship.

So, what resulted from a simple but profoundly true statement by Serge Benhayon became the most sage piece of relationship advice I have yet to receive.

 By Jennifer Ellis, Brisbane, Australia

Related Reading:
Appreciation in Relationships
Peeling Back the Layers of Appreciation
Making a Relationship about True Love

742 thoughts on “Relationship Advice

  1. I love this way you approached your relationship “So we embarked on what became a fun and playful nightly exercise of sharing one thing each that we appreciated about the other that day, each time something that had never been expressed before. ” it makes me realise just how much there is to express with another and the fact that when we get to the details of it there is far more we appreciate about people than we dont.

  2. This can all be applied to our relationship with ourselves too. I can pick issues with myself all day, but ultimately it is because I have not appreciated myself or my value long before I decide I have an issue.

  3. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” I absolutely love this saying and know it to be true. The more we appreciate another the less issues we have with them and ourselves.

    1. It’s a huge learning to relate to ourselves and other by our essence, not by our behaviours and the things we do that aren’t an expression from that essence.

    2. I fully agree Elizabeth – which is why appreciation is so vital. If that is in foundation, tension and irritation in relationships can’t stick. How can they if the relationship is held in appreciation? And appreciation invites us to deepen constantly – it never stands still or plateaus. Because there is always more and more to appreciate as we let each there in more and more and see the ever-expanding divine love we all are.

  4. It’s so heartwarming to read this, it strikes me that we do know what is true in relationships, that it is natural for us to appreciate and value one another even if it’s not currently “normal”. The irritations feel so out of place because they are not natural to us, but love is.

  5. It is so beautiful to appreciate another’s true value and so often it is something that we would never had put on our tick box list when we try to get the perfect person or relationship.

  6. ‘So, what resulted from a simple but profoundly true statement by Serge Benhayon became the most sage piece of relationship advice I have yet to receive.’ – Love it Jenny – shows the power of simplicity.

  7. If we express truth we connect to something that is so much greater than we think our physical life here on earth is. And with that, with expression truth, we expand our awareness of this reality and with that every time we appreciate this fact we get more to see of the grandness we are and live in.

  8. Appreciation is a rock solid foundation and the best relationship advice one could ever ask for. And, it works a treat.

  9. For me, appreciation is like a muscle that has not been used much, but now I am bringing it more into my relationships with myself and others as a key component to life.

  10. Appreciation isn’t something that is encouraged when we grow up. It seems that being polite and well-mannered has far greater precedence Yet, these qualities do not have the same ability to bring out another’s grace, confirm or expand them like appreciation does. It makes sense to truly appreciate… it’s very powerful!

    1. This is so true Rachel. Being polite and well mannered were things that were definitely drummed into me as a child, both at home and at school, whereas appreciation didn’t get a look in unless it was to apprecaite something that another had done ‘for me’. So what I remember about appreciation is that it was ‘loaded’ with expectations and guilt if it was not followed through. But to appreciate ourselves or another simply for who we/they are is completley different and as you say, with it comes a confirmation of the true grace that we are, and it gives us the confidence that allows us to truly expand.

  11. How much richer and more aware we would be if we were all given this relationship advice at a young age. As it was most of us were left flailing around in the dark with no clue as how to relate to one another. This blog is absolute gold.

  12. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” This is actual a gem of a statement, great words from Serge. How often do we stop to appreciate others and ourselves, we get caught in life and doing and forgot to take the moment to appreciate moments, and each other.

  13. ‘“If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” This quote from Serge Benhayon is very revealing and awesomely simple.

  14. “So we embarked on what became a fun and playful nightly exercise of sharing one thing each that we appreciated about the other that day, each time something that had never been expressed before.” What a very lovely thing to do, and how refreshingly different from the more usual offloading at the end of the day onto one another that can so often happen in relationships.

  15. The best relationship advice I’ve received was to honour myself. We know when something isn’t right, we feel it in our bones. We can then doubt, let it slide, blame, attack…or we can ponder it, put it on the table and look at what is not right and what is not true and take it from there. If we’re willing to be responsible with what is not true it then paves a way for what is true and that leads to true relationship.

    1. “The best relationship advice I’ve received was to honour myself.” Yes and very beautiful, when we treat ourselves with the outmost care and deep love we can always bring that to us in any situation and this way of being with ourselves will be quite naturally the way we will be with others.

      1. This is a brilliant point of inspiration for re-writing history and the belief I have carried for years about putting others before myself. This is an expanded teaching of the fact that if we do not take care of ourselves we are little support or inspiration to others.

  16. Reading your words Jennifer it becomes very clear that we cannot appreciate enough and that appreciation has been sorely neglected in our societies. Besides all the academic subjects in school it is high time that we introduce everyday skills we need like how to be with each other and how to truly care for ourselves.

  17. The wisdom to allow appreciation as part of our day, whether that be with ourselves, our partners, our work colleagues, or our tradesmen, is a path that will provide endless gifts.

  18. ‘Each time something of truth was shared, we both felt expansive and confirmed in who we are…’ applicable to every single one of our relationships, from the one with ourselves outwards, this quote has inspired me this morning to consider the impact of true appreciation on those relationships with people I do not see very often and that actually they are being nourished or neglected by the way I live day to day… when we do meet the foundations are already laid.

  19. It is so true Jenny. When you meet someone you want to marry there is no question that they are the one you want to marry! You don’t go and try out a few others just in case. We must go with our feeling, even if at some stage it turns out we move on.

    1. So true Lyndy… there is no rule that says we ‘have to’ stay with only one person forever. There are times for relationships, when we learn and grow together, and there are times when we move on… and we learn and grow from that too.

  20. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” – Wow, the truth of that statement is truly felt and needs no further explanation.

  21. It is one of the most profound ways to heal – to express without any holding back the love and appreciation that we have. Walls we have encased around our hearts crack open. We are naturally designed to express love. When we do this it is incredible what happens to us and our bodies – we fire up and know from the depths of our being that we are so much more than human.

  22. Appreciation appreciation appreciation what a beautiful sharing of true relationships with such a basis to come from.” Appreciation of one another’s true value is now a natural and constant exchange between us, no longer a pointed exercise, as it is now just part of the foundation we call our relationship” very inspiring and lovely to feel.

  23. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” This is golden advice and something that I will be using in all my relationships going forward.

  24. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” Really good to take this on board to help us when we do react to someone, so that we can bring it back to us and what is truly going on for us so that we can move through what is holding us back from being love with that person.

  25. Thanks for sharing such wonderful ‘sage’ advice Jenny, to bring appreciation to the qualities of our essence and confirm who we are in full. What a glorious way to be in relationship with ourselves and everyone. Anything else will stand out like a sore thumb and hurt.

  26. I have found awareness too, to be a great tool in relationships. As soon as I am aware that I am frustrated or resentful in any way it is easy to drop it for the harm it is, and come back to th natural love that we share between us and with All.

  27. The quote in this article by Serge Benhayon touches very definitely on something I have experienced too, because whenever there has been an issue with someone in my life, there always follows a point when greater understanding comes and dissolves the issue which then leads me to an appreciation for that person which I then always see could have been there from the start, had I chose to see it in the first place… which means that many, if not all, of the issues I experience are self-made due to a perspective I hold on to until it is changed by circumstance. So all I can say to this – is thank God for circumstances that bring us back to the appreciation that is there and available for eachother!

  28. Why is it we have a tendency to focus in on the faults of people rather than their qualities? I feel it stems from childhood as I so often hear parents criticising their children and rarely hear them praised or appreciated. Just recently I heard a parent berate their child, they had lost the plot and were verbally abusing their own child and I wondered that surely as adults we should be more understanding. However it was quite clear that the adult was being more childish than the child. I watched the out play and the child was crushed by the out burst and it is this hurt that we then carry round with us that then have an affect or colour how we interact with life there after.

  29. When I am frustrated with another I quite often have not taken the time to understand or appreciate what they are experiencing and want them to behave to my standards and expectations.

  30. I love how you point out that some of your relationships never should have started – I have had that experience in my life as well, and in retrospect the interesting thing is that each time I knew already before I entered into the relationship that this was a ‘bad’ idea. I would in no way say that my experiences have been a waste of time as there have been lots for me to learn in each of these interactions, but I also know that today I will be deeply honouring of the signals received before I enter into any relationship.

  31. What a beautiful sharing Jenny with such a simple and enjoyable remedy for the relationship glitch – appreciation.

  32. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” How powerful is appreciation!

    1. Yes, and the “with anybody” shows the opportunity (potential) there is in any moment to see the beauty there is in all of us.

  33. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” This is so true as has been proven to me time and time again when I have reacted to someone and realised there has been no appreciation for them, so then when I can hold them in their true light, it changes everything. This happened just recently with a colleague, now the relationship has totally turned around.

  34. Your words make very clear to me that we cannot neglect any relationship in any moment and that they not just happen but in truth are nurtured by the forever acknowledgement and appreciation of all that there is in the beauty of another.

  35. We get so many different pieces of advice from so many different sources when it comes to relationships. It’s so refreshing to know that the power is in our hands all along in terms of appreciating ourselves and others for what we bring. So simple! There is no need to be lost in complication in relationships.

  36. You will know what truth is as we feel instantly what feels true in our body. We feel our body respond easily to truth when lived and spoken.. Thats why I had no doubt when I heard Serge spoke , simply because what he spoke about and lived, resonated deep within my heart as I deeply treasure truth.

    1. It is amazing to start to live with this knowing about our bodies ability to feel truth. I have needed to set aside a lot of beliefs about intelligence coming only from my brain and become much more respectful of the signposting of my body and ‘listening’ to how it responds in any given situation.

  37. I was always puzzled when friends would come to me for advice in their relationships despite the fact I have yet to have an official relationship of my own. But recently when observing a friend of mine and their partner together and clearly seeing how much he adored her and how she really didn’t know how to handle being adored and therefor was slightly cold or reserved, I realised that we don’t need all experiences of life to know love and be able to express that love to another, and be able to see when someone else is not accepting or expressing that love with another and in the end, isnt love what all relationships are about, even if we find that ours seems to not contain a lot of it?

  38. ‘Appreciation of one another’s true value is now a natural and constant exchange between us, no longer a pointed exercise, as it is now just part of the foundation we call our relationship.’ – It is easy to feel the natural flow that takes place when we make relationship about appreciation of one another’s values.

  39. There is lots of familiar relationship advice, stuff that is mentioned to a lot of people through their lives. There are some absolute pearls that would support us all if they where the ones quoted often and lived from those doing the quoting. A couple are: love and nurture ourselves deeply and consistently and absolutely trust ourselves for what we feel and respond to this, getting it right isn’t the point it’s developing the trust that is essential. We are never too old to discover these absolute essential pearls of advice and ones I’m incredibly grateful to Serge Benhayon for sharing and living with such loving commitment.

  40. “try living with three different men before you decide to marry as you don’t really know someone until you live with them!” – what a cracker of an ideal Jennifer.. I know this one and used to believe the same pre-meditated ‘test-run’ too and agreed with such sound advice a few years back. Nowadays the only sound advice I take is that of the heart to be able to feel the heart of someone, a partner, by the way they take loving care of themselves and hold who they truly are. A person self-held in this quality is who I’d be dying to live with in a shot, no test-run required! And when you know, you just know too.

  41. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” Perhaps this is the answer to not having any issues with anyone ever again, this is huge.

  42. I love this exercise and absolutely agree that the expression of appreciation is a very powerful and confirming practice just as it is for receiving it. When we express appreciation fully and it is received fully that is super beautiful.

  43. The ‘problem’ with appreciating the other is that if you do, there is only one way to walk: forward. If you do not, you can walk, backwards, sidewards. It takes a true commitment to be open to so many beauties that you can never walk away from.

  44. I would agree that most relationship advice is given by people who are just as lost as the rest of us. This is especially so of the marriages that appear to be ‘good’ and have ticked all the societal boxes. I am finding this kind of marriage is often the worst, as it is not as honest as couples who realise they are not the ‘perfect couple’. Attending relationship workshops with Serge Benhayon has been a huge eye opener to how to have true relationships. And it always comes back to the relationship you have with yourself first.

  45. Just the other day, out of the blue I got some amazing relationship wisdom – that there are no soulmates, each person is a potential partner so we can’t go through life looking for that one person who is different or special, what we need to feel is when a relationship with another has purpose and will grow and evolve us and advance us forward – when we feel this, that is when we know it is a true constellation. This completely cuts out the need to search and find something outside of us – everything is already within each person, it is for us to feel when there is true purpose and love to being in a relationship

    1. This is wise advice indeed Rebecca. If we all approached our relationships in this way we would all be living harmoniously together as there would be no ‘need’ in what we were looking for from another, based on the knowing and understanding that everything is already there just waiting to be shared.

      1. I agree – and it also takes away the idea that someone else is going to complete us, love us in a way know one else can, give us something we are lacking – we do not lack anything and the love we can have for ourselves is all we need, leaving others to simply be themselves and not beholden to our idea of them and what they should do

  46. I know these niggles all too well and know how they can be the catalyst for a tension and separation within a relationship. Essentially we end up seeing the other based on what they do instead of who they are, reacting to their doing and this is never a loving thing to do as it spurs the other to then react more to our own reaction. Appreciation brings understanding and this is when true love is built.

  47. This is worth sharing with everybody it is so valuable, and always great to be reminded of, “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before”, this is so true.

  48. Seeing and appreciating the gold in people – the spark that we all have (rather than focussing on superficial behaviours any one of us have adopted to cope with life) totally changes our relationship with everything. One of those things we simply have to have a go at, suspend disbelief and then observe the impact.

  49. Most of the relationship advice I have known through my life has been the opposite of what I should have received, that being with the relationship with myself first and foremost. The less importance, or attachment in one sense I give my key relationships the more both parties are free to express naturally together and form true relationship.

    1. The freedom to naturally express is key, otherwise we start to hold things back and then eventually they bubble over and burst out. If there is ever a moment you think I shouldn’t say that to my partner then you have to ask yourself how truly open and intimate are you really willing to be.

  50. Appreciation is absolute Gold, it is the best gift we can give ourselves and another, appreciation really is the antidote to arguments.

  51. True communication is so empowering. When we build this as a foundation, then a relationship continues to deepen. This example of sharing each other’s qualities is so beautiful and really reflects how much we can bring to a relationship simply by dropping our guards and speaking the truth.

  52. Appreciation changes so much. Taking our 1st relationship with ourselves the more we appreciate ourselves the more we start to see our life changing and then we also start to appreciate everything and everyone around us. And the more we open ourselves up the more we see. Of course at any moment we can choose not to and return back to the struggle and thinking everything and everyone is against us if we so wish but we just need to remember that’s also simply our choice!

  53. This is a beautiful confirmation of the law of energy, in that what we focus on simply magnifies. Focus on the niggles then they will get bigger – focus on the amazing qualities in someone and this is what is magnified and this is what we see and feel first and foremost. We already know this, but putting it into practice is something we don’t often do. It’s wonderful to read of how this transformed your relationship.

  54. ‘So we embarked on what became a fun and playful nightly exercise of sharing one thing each that we appreciated about the other that day, each time something that had never been expressed before.’ – This is what I call true medicine for a relationship – Love it!

  55. You could say that our initial meetings with people that have since become a huge part of our lives were ‘lucky’ or down to chance, but what if every relationship in our lives was a constellation and actually part of a much bigger plan, supporting both parties to learn, evolve and grow.

  56. Thank you for sharing this Jenny… it is so inspiring…
    “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.”
    Appreciating someone way before anything else they may do or say is revolutionary for us as a humanity. How often do we actually do this?! First we tend to judge, then the person has to prove themselves, and if/when they tick the right boxes, only then do we consider maybe appreciating them!

  57. When I look at the state of most of our relationships, be it with our partners, work colleagues, kids etc. it is no wonder that you have not received much useful relationship advice. I will never forget one of the first relationship workshops held by Serge Benhayon. We all thought we would get great advice on our relationships with others but it was all about our relationship with ourselves. This is where it all starts and our lack of focus on ourselves can be the root of many of our issues (that we thought were someone else’s fault!)

  58. Don’t we love being loving? Isn’t it easy and natural to us? Yet so often in life we find ourselves being terse, rude and harsh. Who likes this behaviour? Not us, so how comes it goes on so much in this world? Your sharing here Jennifer helps me see that it’s a lack of responsibility at heart – for we are all made to appreciate everything, every day not dwell on small irritations and mistakes.

  59. What a gorgeous sharing of how we can deepen our relationships. Appreciation is so much a key to building a foundation. It seems like you have truly brought this into your relationship and it feels like an amazing reflection to others.

  60. I love how you have described that irritation and annoyance does not support an otherwise natural growth and development in a relationship, appreciation does.

  61. A beautiful sharing Jenny on the power of appreciation and what it brings to all our relationships – it is key to transforming any relationship and supporting it to become more loving and true.

  62. It is really beautiful Jenny that you did not give up on the slight conflict that was happening and instead went deeper, and then the answer was there . . . waiting to drop in to facilitate the evolution of a truly wonderful relationship .

  63. Just love this quote from Serge Benhayon Jenny. It turns it all around..’If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.’

  64. We think relationship advice is about how to deal with another person but I am finding that it is about me and how I react in certain situations, how I can lose my connection and forget to be loving, in fact I can be quite nasty at times and it is simply an old hurt that I have not yet dealt with and instead of feeling it I am projecting onto another.

    1. Yes, we learn to project everything out of ourselves in life, all the while all the answers lie within us, and we have the power for change simply by working with and on ourselves.

  65. When we express our love to the other it is not just them receiving love, we feel the love first going through our body and getting back again. So it is a gift for all.

  66. How much of what we have been told is old wives tails to keep us from the truth, or the things that are made up on the spot because of the energy we are in and nothing to do with sound advice as we can read the Truth of what a person is able to hear. Life would be so much simpler when we allow our-self to reconnect to our Essence and develop relationships that support our evolution.

  67. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” Awesome. Perfect. I know this but so often forget. It can be easy to fall into the trap of berating someone if we have been doing it for a long time and if we have past hurts that are fuelling our expression. Reacting in this way serves no one but to stop and allow appreciation into our exchange turns the tide and gives an opportunity to break down barriers and confirm us in the love that has always been there.

  68. So inspiring Jenny to re-read your blog this morning and remind myself to step up with this little, but powerful, exercise in my own household. I have observed lately that I have been appreciative of acts that have been done but not so acknowledging of the beauty of the beings-ness and inner qualities of my house-mate.

  69. The power of appreciation, ‘Each time something of truth was shared, we both felt expansive and confirmed in who we are, being beautiful, most definitely divine and oh, so worthwhile!’

  70. Could it be when we let go of all our protection we see everyone as one equal first and foremost? Then it is simple to feel that we can never have an issue with them and if we do we have judged or condemned them because of an issue we have. So I understand Jenny that when Serge Benhayon shares a quote as above there is so much depth in the words that can unfold for us! “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.”

  71. As I see in the reflection of others who feel a lack of appreciation for themselves and what they bring reading this blog today really does bring home to me a call for a greater love towards myself – to appreciate me and what I bring. Thank you Jenny for sharing.

  72. One question that I would ask if someone were to ask me for advice is: is the relationship there to satisfy a need or is it there to support both of you to be students of life and grow in each other’s arms?

  73. Love this… This quote brings you to a complete halt offering a complete assessment of our own behaviour… “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.”

  74. Love this quote from Serge ‘“If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” He has also shared that appreciation is a great contradiction to comparison and jealousy. All very useful markers as to how we are in relationship……

  75. A beautiful exercise that shows us how to see more of who, not only a partner, but anyone we are in relationship with, truly is. A great way for the imperfections to no longer take centre stage, but the beautiful qualities that they have in abundance.

  76. Sometimes the last thing you want to do is appreciate someone when the focus has been on the negative for so long. But over time this changes and when I focus on the blessings I have from those in my life it does dissolve the annoyances.

  77. It is funny (or not so funny!) how we tend to find the flaws in both ourselves and others rather than appreciate! This is really inspiring what you have shared and something I mentioned to a couple after they expressed to me how they had been arguing. I pointed them to your blog and said maybe have a nightly routine of appreciating each other? This is something we can all do, not just partners but friends as well. I think the key thing you have shared here with this is for it to be honest, sincere and about a true quality (not functional) and of course …. FUN 🙃

  78. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” This is great because it stops any need to blame another, rather it brings an understanding of what is going on for us so that we can bring understanding to another.

    1. I was going to highlight exactly the same part, a simple sentence that carries with it so so much.if you bring it into action. We can apply this anywhere, anytime and then in time a magical change is sure to occur in how we view the world. In the “well before” we can also see how we truly are, in that we are greater then we are currently living being that the “issue” comes well after the point we have felt to move in another way.

      1. Me too Ray and Elizabeth, this sentence says much in few words. How ready we can be to jump in, see issues and fail to appreciate the person in front of us. Timely to be reminded of this.

      2. As far as “relationship advice” goes you could bank on this one making a real and true difference, appreciation, it goes further then we currently can see.

      3. I agree Ray you could apply this anywhere, the more we appreciate what we’ve got the sweeter, more richer more amazing life becomes.

      4. We should apply this everywhere and the deeper “we appreciate” who we already are and what is around us our view of the world changes. A lot of the time we can find ourselves ‘right in the thick of things’ and unable to see beyond what is there. Appreciation offers us space, space to view the entire picture and allows you a step out of the ‘thickness’ that has been created. This gives us the view that is alway and forever available to us where we observe was is truly going on in place of stepping in and trying to push it another way.

    2. Yes, it comes back to self-responsibility, when we consider the whole rather than just an issue we are focusing on. We hold one another in Love, issues are small fry in comparison with the Love and Beauty that is available if we are willing to see it and feel it.

  79. Jennifer, this is such an incredibly joyful blog on appreciation! Love the honesty with which you share what brought you and your husband to look deeper into what you appreciate in each other, and the playful approach you took in doing so highlighting the magical transformation that can take place through the art of appreciation alone.

  80. I can and have done this, we can be quick to see what is not working rather than hold someone in what is amazing about who they are…”Being someone with a tendency until then to see faults well before I might acknowledge valuable attributes (both in myself and others), ” It is a habit that we learn and it is normal to moan, blame and look outside of things that are not working, or working rather than to feel from within. Great to bring appreciation in to the focus.

  81. This is true and profound relationship advice; it works, it’s simple, doesn’t cost any money and it works. Appreciating ourselves and appreciating the other confirms us and provides the platform for the next step in deepening and bringing evermore love into a relationship.

    1. There is a momentum as well that tries to push us another way while at the same point I totally agree. If we get lost or everything is in overwhelm or defeated then appreciation is the supportive hand up. It’s not putting on a bright face but as is said more a “platform” for the next step or part.

  82. “If ever you have an issue with someone, it’s because you haven’t appreciated them well before.” This is such brilliant advice, when I appreciate someone and I find I cannot find fault in them, i find it also helps to know that we’re learning together and there’s are things you will have already learnt or mastered that I haven’t and vice versa.

  83. “Relationship Advice” – when you truly feel it, you know it.. and so what more is needed in following through on what is felt dancing within every cell? Cells no know length of time, age, background, career, .. only truth.

  84. This is the beauty about Serge Benhayon, what he says makes sense and the truth can be deeply felt and it is simple, never complicated.

  85. Appreciation keeps coming up as being the missing ingredient in so many aspects of life. We automatically jump to stages 2, 3, 4 or 5 but miss this simplest and most profound 1st step. It costs nothing and confirms all that is right setting a foundation for whatever is next. So simple, and so missed.

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