55 thoughts on “Are we in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?

  1. I’ve clocked that being in delay is an abuse to my body. I feel the strain and tension as a result. How much better would it be, to be on the front foot, rather than dealing with the drag and trying to catch up!

  2. It is so obvious when I glance back over my life that for many, many years I was in an abusive relationship with myself. The sad part is, is that I could not see that this is indeed, what it was. My way of living was definitely disregarding of my body and was clearly seen in my lack of vitality and ill-health. It makes sense that if this a way that we live, one that has become so normal to us, that the abuse of another would perhaps seem normal as well.

  3. Any moment I deny myself a truth I have felt such as continuing with what I am doing when I feel to stop, go to the loo, or whatever, and I am able to, I can now feel is disregard and my body will tell me.

  4. We are all reflections for one another so if we are attracting abuse of any kind then somewhere within us we are treating ourselves in an abusive way… initially it may not be glaringly obvious but when we look deeper and at the smaller details of our lives there will be something in the way we are choosing to live that is not loving.

  5. To override what is truly felt is a common way of life for most, (myself included) and to consider another way of being, one that involves taking great care, can be a challenge to adopt.

  6. The only way we can be in an abusive relationship is to first have an abusive relationship with ourselves.

  7. The more we are willing to look at abuse the more we get to see abuse that we didn’t necessarily regard as abuse previously. There are many layers and what I have come to realise and feel is if whatever is going on is not with the Love that we come from it is abuse.

  8. Moving in the authority of who we truly are leaves little space for self abuse. In contrast to this is playing less, where we may give our power away to others or ideals that we feel may be more worthy than ourselves.

  9. “Are we in an Abusive Relationship with Ourselves?” I would say we are, when we accept the self critique, the self judgement, the comparison or jealousy with others, the distractions not to feel what our body is telling us.

  10. Any abuse we give to ourselves in whatever way contributes to the abuse that can come at us from others. It keeps us small. If we have the authority within our relationship with ourselves to choose to love ourselves rather than abuse ourselves it creates less space for attack and we are less likely to attract it. What we experience really is in our hands.

  11. Again I say yes, I know I have been “my own worst enemy” most of my adult life. “stop it!” I say to myself, gently of course, time to be loving and appreciate the truth about me and about everyone else therefore at the same time, for we are Glorious, and that is the living truth.

  12. Certainly, when we choose that abusive way of being with ourselves, that way to take us down and so have an end result where we get to fit in and not be seen for who we are – yes that is abuse.

  13. We are so programmed to think the outside world is the cause of everything that happens to us, and that only the outside world can fix our woes, and all the while we are walking around in this absolutely amazing body that is the key to everything we will ever be.

  14. It’s amazing how when you do have the realisation that certain choices that we make are in fact abusive to us, you start to see where you do it more and more in your life. It’s very revealing and also very beautiful.

  15. The level of self-abuse that seems just almost normal for me is being exposed more and more. The pressure I can put on myself to do things ‘right’ and fast and also the lack of giving myself space and not appreciating enough are perfect ways to stay out of the grandness that is actually within.

  16. I am starting to realise that I am abusive in ways that I choose to be blind too, like jealousy and comparison these evils poison my body yet I readily engage in these thoughts as if they are normal, or that I don’t have any choice in that thought being in my brain. Absolute abdication of responsibility.

  17. Recognising when we are abusive towards ourselves is gold, for then we can make the choice to move differently and choose love and connection to the divine over abuse.

  18. Great article! It is asking us to go deeper in appreciating how Divine we are and in truly being self-loving.Questioning our beliefs and attitudes about what has become ‘acceptable and normal’ will reveal the extent of self-abuse we are accustomed to without honouring what our bodies are feeling and revealing to us.

  19. Committing to observation without criticism and judgment is a great tool to change our relationship with ourselves from one that is self abusive to self loving.

  20. Some of the things that we think of as least abusive, as in ‘healthy’ or ‘good’ things to do, can actually be the most abusive at their core, no matter how great they might look on the outside or in the short term. I’m thinking of extreme exercise or ways of eating, working one’s self into the ground for charitable causes, and so on. Self-sacrifice is basically self abuse.

  21. A great question and shocking answer when we look at it as – anything that is not love is abuse, is so true and makes so much sense, as not listening to our bodies is abuse in every moment . What a difference this would make to us all and the world as a whole if we started listening to and honouring ourselves our bodies and lived all we truly felt.

  22. You are right, it has to be the same thing – abuse – whether it is to ourselves, or others. It is extraordinary the things we don’t allow for children but you can do once you are 18 then in that abuse you can raise others in that energy. We say children should be responsible, adults can be completely irresponsible if they wish, and more importantly with that choice, and it must always be a choice, many choose that irresponsibility for themselves.

  23. Without self-abuse there wouldn’t be any abuse. We wouldn’t be able to go there. Abuse would be anything that takes us away from our divinity and doesn’t support us to be all of who we truly are.

  24. “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive? ” Absolutely, I notice I can see self abuse in others but when it comes to me I am not always as honest as I could be. A great reminder thank you Gabriele.

  25. For so much of life I thought the main problem was what other people did to me, I lived the victim mode. To embrace and see that well before whatever end result in life happened I was being abusive with myself opens up not only an understanding and non judgement on life but a lightness and freedom of know that I have the power to change it. 12 years on and the changes have been incredible.

  26. “Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive?” Yes Gabriele you’re spot on. We perpetuate self- abusive behaviours by being dishonest with ourselves and then seek to find the answers to our woes everywhere else except within.

  27. I have just uncovered a massive amount of self abuse in the way that I have been eating and not eating. Rather than honouring my body by eating what I felt to eat, I have been eating ‘in accordance with’ the ideals and beliefs that I have been holding around what I ‘should’ be eating. This, for me has been a massive revelation for many different reasons but not least in realising the extent of my self abuse.

  28. I agree with this postulation. Self abuse is everywhere in our world to such an extent that most of us would consider it completely normal. But our awareness that this is abuse is developing and spreading and I am sure that in the not too distant future we will all be re-evaluating this.

  29. “…pushing past the point of enough is enough and often right into exhaustion, if not ultimately a diagnosable illness.” It’s true. We can abuse ourselves to the point of illness. This is quite something for most people to admit. Everything is created by our own choices.

  30. I totally agree Gabrielle- so many of us if we are truly honest with ourselves are self abusive in varying degrees, and it is becoming the norm, especially amongst teenagers and young adults e.g. staying up late to watch a movie or go out with friends until early hours of the morning, drinking alcohol – these are indeed socially acceptable & becoming the norm, without stopping to consider how the body is feeling.

  31. Most of humanity are living with abuse, it has become the norm and they would not even call it abuse, for them it is just how life is. I know because this was how I lived up until I met Serge Benhayon who supported me to see the abuse I was living with and in

  32. Is it possible that abuse starts with self-abuse and our unwillingness to be honest and admit that a lot of our so-called ‘normal’ behaviours are in fact self-abusive? The more I care and honour what my body feels the more I see and am able to let go of abusive behaviours.

  33. I find it fascinating that when we begin to undress the finer details of our choices, we see that each and every disharmonious movement invites the next, until we have a rolling pattern that becomes our daily reality. It was not until i was introduced to the presentations of Universal Medicine and begun to observe the Benhayon family that I saw that my quality of life was way off the potential of our natural joy and vitality.

  34. When we truly examine the type and nature of the self abuse listed here, then it requires a deep shift in the way we live life, a shift that can be gently taken by addressing one issue at a time and one that builds a gorgeous momentum the more we commit.

  35. “How can this be abuse if inflicted on another but not self-abuse when we do it to ourselves?” Very true. We would not prevent a young child from going to the loo when needed, yet we can delay our own visit to ‘just finish’ the task in hand. When does lack of self-care become abuse?

  36. “It gets a little uncomfortable when we start talking about the possibility of describing as abuse pastimes that we might frequently dabble in, resort to, if not rely upon as coping mechanisms and for a sense of equilibrium.” Good point Gabriele. There are things I would never have considered to be self-abusive years ago, but am now beginning to connect the dots…..

  37. We do things to ourselves that we would not do to our dog. There are those that treat objects better than then themselves. Why is the vessel we carry ourselves around in treated like a disposable plastic sack?

  38. I’m particularly familiar with two of these even to this day – food and sleep, while have had plenty of experience with alcohol, smoking (my poor lungs) and all the rest. I get the impression that this is a life long dance… am I going to listen to my body, or will I push it late into the evening, or just eat that extra plateful when I know I’m already feeling like a stuffed turkey. The choice is always there, as is the awareness.. so what is my response?

  39. When we look at the horrific things that one person can do to another, we need to know that this behaviour would not have been possible if there was not at first self abuse.
    Self abuse starts when we say no to God’s love.

  40. Thank you for your view on abuse Gabriele. It makes me to ponder on the possibility that it will only be possible to inflict any abuse on others if we have allowed a level of abuse in ourselves first.

  41. Great commentry here Gabrielle. Having experienced many different forms of abuse and reflected on this I can see how it always begins first with the relationship we have with ourselves.
    The more I take the time to connect, listen to what I feel and appreciate myself the more I see this naturally onflowing to others. If we didn’t ignore or override how we feel to be in life, we would not bully or harass others. Acknowledging and Accepting what you feel is often enough to disarm abusive behaviours.

  42. I’ve just clocked how abuse can stem to working long hours and not honouring the break times thinking that the body can just push through to get to the finish line.

  43. I agree Gabriele abuse starts with self-abuse and all the little things we do which do not honour the love that we are. We are in general so far away from living the love we are naturally that we do not notice quite how much abuse we allow in our lives before we even add other people into the equation.

    1. Agreed James, we accept so much abuse as normal that it is quite shocking but more deeply sad that we don’t question it.

      1. I know for me what hurts is that I feel it and often question it internally but then go it will be ok instead of bringing the love I know to the situation and letting the love do its thing without needing any outcome or result.

  44. Great conversation to have and if we can be really honest with ourselves, quite revealing. Do we treat ourselves as precious or are we slightly (or not so slightly) hard and abrupt with ourselves?

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