Having The Right to React?

Be honest – who would not be adamant that reacting is a right in certain situations?

I certainly have reacted – and still do sometimes – in situations that don´t turn out like I want them to be, or when someone behaves in a way that is just simply disturbing to me, is unacceptable, or triggers a side in me that I still don´t like and need to work on. I have learned in the past that whenever I start saying to someone, “Because of you…,” I am out of order and in my usual blaming mode.

I have to admit, blaming was my best buddy in life and I became quite smart with it. To have mastered a way to blame the outside world is nothing I am proud of: the only thing that it shows is how much I have avoided taking responsibility for my actions and choices.

Actually, it is simply a trick to avoid evolving. When I found the reason to blame the other person I had found the justification I needed for my reaction. I was pointing the finger at the outside world instead of looking at why this was happening to me and looking at my own contributing behaviour.

A few months ago, I joined a group swimming session organised with a Universal Medicine practitioner during which the blindfold was lifted from my eyes as to how I involve others in my life to give me the excuse to react and not stay in my power. The practitioner asked me how I felt after completing the task she had set during the session, but in my answer I was not allowed to refer to anyone else in the group, especially if I felt to use them as an excuse for my performance. That was super hard as in the group environment I had not been able to swim with ease. The first thing I would normally do would be to talk about the others… who were either in my way or had disturbed me. So I had the chance to feel even more precisely how much I blame the world, using others as an excuse to not be ME.

Since then I have tried a different way in how I communicate my feelings and have reflected on my choices first, before observing what the other person did ‘wrong.’

Going into ‘right and wrong’ in any way is simply delaying reading the truth of the situation. It is a competition with a loser at the end, but does it truly help to take in all there is to learn from it?

I have been observing myself very closely and experiencing a lot of shifts in my way of responding to life and certain challenging situations it presents. I can still feel how often during a day I do in fact react – not in the way of blaming so much anymore but just slightly, not loudly… although just one percent judgement in a statement can cause a disturbance in the other person, as everyone feels everything. I feel it is my responsibility to work on this as I do not want to judge others.

I have found blaming gets you involved in arguments as well and in the end, it becomes not about the actual incident but about who is right and who is wrong. This is a trap, a silly game to play, as there is no right or wrong – only truth.

Everything that happens to me is there for me to grow and to learn from. I am not talking about perfection here, but I can really feel how my body has softened up since that session with the practitioner, and a certain humbleness has come into my life.

No longer do I see people or situations as excuses to react and retreat from my own power, but actually as precious gems that show and reflect to me the areas where I still need to take a deeper look, knowing that I have the choice as to how I move on, and in what quality.

By Stefanie Henn-Hecke, photographer and lover of truth, Germany

Related Reading:
Why are we so reactive?
Reaction versus response
Control & reaction v space & grace

660 thoughts on “Having The Right to React?

  1. I found it so easy to put the blame on anyone or thing but not me, I was the innocent party. But actually through the presentations and workshops of Universal Medicine I have discovered that by playing a victim I am saying I’m less and denying my own power. This leads to a stagnation and that sense of stuckness or living life in a rut.

  2. We are so much more powerful in being change-agents in our own lives when we consider what responsibility we have in every situation. We can abdicate that responsibility and blame, or own our part and leave space for another to make their own choice.

  3. “I involve others in my life to give me the excuse to react and not stay in my power.” Beautifully expressed, perfect for me to read today, I am very aware of the reacting but this has given me the insight into the retreating part.

  4. Something very amazing and expansive happens when I start every enquiry about a situation I find myself in with the question, ‘What part did I play in this?’ And I am learning so much about the deviance of blame and not seeing my responsibility. I am also finding that this approach makes life much simpler because I am not caught in endless mind wanderings about what someone else did or didn’t do, or may or may not be thinking.

  5. “I was pointing the finger at the outside world instead of looking at why this was happening to me and looking at my own contributing behaviour.” This is so common and avoids taking responsibility for our own actions and words. It’s never all about ‘them’.

    1. I now recognise the fog and disquiet of reaction and realise that this is a cool development because in the past I reckon I was reactive the majority of the time, so if it is now a stand out moment it means it is not my norm any more.

      1. Very true Matilda for although we may still react if realise we are in reaction that is a development, can identify the cause of the reaction and address so that we do not react the next time. Very ‘cool’.

  6. Judging is a way of confirming the other, that he/she IS what they are presenting in that moment, instead of responding and reflecting that the person in its essence is not horrible, but the behaviour they have chosen is non acceptable.

  7. Going down the right and wrong avenue only serves to feed the reactions which are based around a hurt. You can tell when you are in something when you can’t stand back and look at it as a learning but something that is or has been done to you.

    1. It supplies you a relief instead of true harmony, when you feel you are right or a downfall when you are seemingly wrong. Both ways feed fight and victory and gives you only a short period of time a way of contentment.

  8. The penny has finally dropped on the right and wrong that we all get into from such a young age. It seem to me that society is built on right and wrong. You are correct Stefanie when you say it is a silly game to play because it stops us all from learning the truth of the situation. A friend recently said to me there is no right or wrong just learning.

    1. We are programmed to consider what we do, how we think and what we see as either right or wrong from such a young age. It is programming that takes a conscious choice to undo.

  9. Undealt hurts and issues we hold do make us react to certain situations in life, situations we otherwise simply would be observant in.

    1. Very true Nico. When we deal with our hurts it is easier to observe what is going on in certain situations, rather than react from an undealt with emotion.

  10. Isn’t it interesting how we can seemingly get so much staisfaction in blaming another, when really all we are doing is avoiding looking at the part we had to play in the situation that has occurred that went wrong, or did not go the way we wanted it to go.

    1. We are all learning and no one in this world is perfect. The moment you truly embrace that fact, it is possible to observe and learn from situations through space instead of going into defending, attacking, righteousness, bossiness and justification.

  11. Another version of this blaming others attitude is feeling sorry for oneself, an utterly disempowering stance that leads nowhere but into more desolation.

    1. That is so true! Also seemingly looks different but in feeling sorry for oneself lies still the blaming underneath. It is simply more manipulative playing out than in the direct offensive blame.

      1. It is interesting how we can excuse ourselves or feel sorry, it is not from our strength but instead from a weakness we have allowed in to make ourselves victims of life in which we then have the right to blame others.

  12. As we all can feel energy, we can also feel what is true and is not, what is of love and what is not. In our honouring of what we feel we can then respond with truth and accept the opportunity on offer for greater love to be embraced, whatever the situation. At times that simply means allowing a loving space for ourselves and others to have the opportunity to feel the truth that is being presented for us to evolve.

    1. Agreed, we can all feel what is true and what is not, that is far more honest than looking at something as a choice between right and wrong. The space you talk about here can feel uncomfortable at times because we are all called to take personal responsibility; some find this easy to do, others not so much.

  13. ‘Everything that happens to me is there for me to grow and to learn from.’ If we all embrace this way of looking at life, we would be a very responsible society and blame would be reduced radically for sure. Also, our relationships would be more harmonious.

  14. Everything that happens for me during a day is constellated by me. Nothing comes along out of the blue- the moment I get distracted with the incident itself I don´t read the fullness what I have chosen and get to know what I am avoiding or consciously creating to not move forward.

  15. Blaming another for something gets nobody anywhere and simply delays or even prevents the possibility of a relationship deepening. To understand this as an opportunity to learn something from each other brings so much more, whatever the situation.

    1. Very well said Sandra and this is probably why so many people are having relationship issues because we often dig our heels in when it comes to taking responsibility and avoid being more loving.

  16. “No longer do I see people or situations as excuses to react and retreat from my own power, but actually as precious gems that show and reflect to me the areas where I still need to take a deeper look, knowing that I have the choice as to how I move on, and in what quality.” Approaching challenging situations like that is very freeing in the sense it gives space to observe and learn instead of react and take it out onto ourselves and others.

    1. In fact, we are the creator of every situation we experience, there is no one other than us responsible for whatever happens in our life.

  17. Blame being my best body, I can surely relate to that. I could control my reactions on a superficial level, manage them, but then still the thoughts remain. I feel so and so because of you. Somebody else is never ever responsible for the way you feel. So what I do choose? Blame or looking honestly why I feel a certain way and dealing with that?

  18. It sure does turn it round when we bring ourselves into the equation first and see our part and the level of quality that we bring to the situation. We can’t blame another in this we can either see what is there to be seen and learn from it or ignore and point the finger. One way is about evolution and one ways is about comfort.

  19. Blaming, judgement,… There are so many things just waiting to supporters in our separation, and yet when we take the opportunity to connect to that true vibration within us, the emptiness of these things are revealed.

  20. When you think about it, to blame another is a cop-out and yet we so easily do it, until we stop and consider that it doesn’t really help and it literally ties us in knots of our own making rather than just seeing our part and deciding what we want to do about it … the later way empowers us to see and feel how life is lived from how we choose to experience it and it’s our choice in this always.

    1. Yes it’s never always about the other. Its important to acknowledge the part we play in any situation – however much we may not want to. This way understanding, learning and new opportunities so as not to repeat old patterns lie.

  21. Most of us do seem to carry a sense of entitlement about having a right to react to anything and everything.
    What we seem to forget is that every time that we react we actually negatively affect the person/situation we are reacting to.

    1. The moment we react all of our movements change which hooks, attacks, wobbles, tightens etc. What reflection are we in that moment for others then? Beside the fact, the greatest harm is done to ourselves, as we isolate us from the grandness we can be and are by focussing on one little thing or person .

    2. I used to blame the weather for how I was feeling, and I used to live in a country where people would greet each other with a complaint about the weather. This highlights to me how a majority of our communication and expression comes from a blaming energy where it stunts our evolution and connection.

    3. True what you point out as being a sense of entitlement, this right to react and have it our way exclusively. It hurts us as well as the other/s as it is a very contracted state.

  22. The moment we carry one ounce of annoyance that we are not alone on this planet and that it would be all easier to be on ourselves- we are having openings to react to other people and what they are offering towards us. There is no such thing as making it on our own, it is only possible to change and get out of here together, hence why everyone is as equally important, no matter how and why people cross our way.

  23. This is a beautiful way to go through life, instead of looking at our environment to what does not feel right, to tune in with ourselves and see where we are at and the steps we can take to live our life to the truth that we know.

    1. Also to check why do certain incidents happen- they don´t come out of the blue. Yes, they are there to learn but lets look even deeper, why they occur in the first place. We are constellating our life with our pre-made choices more than we are aware of. If someone is in your way whilst swimming in one lane,e.g. you can learn from the incident to not react, but why was that person constellated like that in the first place? As I have chosen to start swimming exactly at that moment, to be stopped at a certain point by that person. What do we choose truly?

  24. It is interesting to observe what we use as a form of distraction which all ultimately boil down to not wanting to commit in full to love and truth. I realised yesterday how far from truly committing in full I have been – yes I have come far and have made some awesome changes but I still don’t take all I know into every living thing that I do. The games we then play to justify this are important to clock

  25. ‘Whoa where did that come from?’ – usually we think reactions appear out of thin air. But they start from the thoughts we allow fostered by hurts. These thoughts are like the string that is lit to make the dynamite blow.

    1. We can use and produce reactions also to not accept a greater power. They might seem very real but were called in to “have a problem”, when there is none, but to expand in what is on offer for you.

  26. Until we deal with our emotions and past hurts, reaction and blame will remain the name of the game. A game that is designed to keep us lesser, and that game, simply begets reaction and more reaction as being right and proving another wrong becomes the set stance. It feels horrible in my body even writing about this game cycle.

  27. Could you say shock information was the right reason to react? Suicide out of the blue is one of those surprise moments. Or, is it just become part of the norm for us not to read everything and slip into comfort?

    1. Whenever I feel any urgency and push in what I think I need and want to say I know I am off. A great marker, to simply stay silent and wait until the tension releases as I connect to space then instead of time and the ME, which does not embrace the other but only what the ME wants, which can never be true as it is never about only one but the All.

  28. When I react I am very disturbed and tended for a fight. It isn’t just in that moment- we walk away with that hardness, ready to tense in the next moment. When I take self responsibility and read then I feel at ease and completely open, humble and in the mood for learning whatever I am being offered. It is incredible to experience this as a contrast to reaction

    1. The more we are surrendered in our body, the more space is given to deeply observe and read the energies that are at play and not choosing hardness over the spaciousness that allows us to expand in our power.

  29. I like the expression, ‘it takes two to tango’ but why is it that we more often think it’s the other person tango-ing in a solo operation and deliberately to hurt or go against us in some way? It is actually a very sad state that the world is in. I often observe children playing games in the playground. There are a handful of children who bounce the ball between each other and when it bounces away, one of them runs to get it without making any comment of criticism or blame. But in the majority of games, there are very high emotions and the game seems more about who people can blame for ruining the game. We learn from a very young age to point the finger.

    1. That is a great point Simone- we should watch children more often, they know how to be in unity with each other until the adults come and tell them to be the best or that there is always a winner and loser, which degrades us from young on into function and victory behaviour.

  30. Blame can still be used in another tricky way, where you don’t tell someone how you feel, use knowledge to bury the emotion inside but still hold the rage and judgement in your cells. Not blaming doesn’t mean blocking it out but seeing it for what it is.

    1. What you describe is yet another game to not feel and stay in reaction and go against your own power and authority in handling situations, reading them and allowing the love you are being expressed. There are so many ways to bury whatever needs to be looked at- the ones that seem to be more “good” are the more evil ones, as they are not as obvious as other direct reactions.

  31. “No longer do I see people or situations as excuses to react and retreat from my own power, but actually as precious gems that show and reflect to me the areas where I still need to take a deeper look, knowing that I have the choice as to how I move on, and in what quality.” This is so empowering, rather than becoming a victim to any situation.

  32. Beautiful Stefanie, so recognizable and so silly really, hence this paragraph makes deeply sense in life:
    “Going into ‘right and wrong’ in any way is simply delaying reading the truth of the situation. It is a competition with a loser at the end, but does it truly help to take in all there is to learn from it”.
    Lets observe our ways.

      1. Great point Sue- if you need to win over another there is already something going wrong. If you live soulfully, you don´t want to be better than another- true joy expands when there is an equality within a relationship.

    1. Right and Wrong is a prison that we as humanity self created. It lets us control situations instead of feeling the truth, going deeper in our own connection and align to its movement and expand from that. Right and wrong creates separation and offers comfort, truth asks for responsibility and expansion. What are you choosing?

  33. When you hit truth like “ … although just one percent judgement in a statement can cause a disturbance in the other person, as everyone feels everything,” it hits home. Bringing life back to energy brings it back to truth. As a wise man I know, and a man who has brought the truth back this era – Serge Benhayon, energy does not lie. If you base your feeling from here you can never lie or be lied to.

  34. Oh! How I too have struggled with the ‘right & wrong’ belief and had always been the first to point the finger in blame out of reaction. Because I had always looked outside myself for ways to alleviate the internal knowing that if things hadn’t turned out the way I had wanted or pictured them to. It was simply because I never ever ever wanted to accept the responsibility for things that happened in my life as accepting responsibility in any way, shape or form for anything felt too painful. However…… oh what a feeling!!! when you actually ‘stop’ doing that and become aware that being responsible and accepting responsibility it actually is far less painful than you think. As in-turn it actually empowers you so to speak then from that, the less you re-act the less that there actually is to re-act to. Less goes wrong in your life.

    1. The more you take responsibility in life, the less you project things how they should be for you. As there is nothing for you, but to grow and learn from every situation offered through people.

  35. ‘Having the right to react’ is a great heading, for we all think we have this right. Yet what does it do? It attacks ourselves firstly, attacks others and then comes back to us with double the force it went out. So you could say that the right to react is also the right to abuse.

  36. How often I used to think I was justified to react, and perhaps in some ways I could say I was, but what I then got to realise and appreciate is do I really want to to feel so tense and edgy in my body? After all the reaction hurts me more than what the event actually was.

    1. That´s a great point! The moment we ride and indulge in the reaction and insist in the right to react, we are harming us way more ( and longer time wise) than the actually incident that was the trigger of everything. Sometimes, you don´t even know anymore, why you reacted as the spiral of indulging in the reaction is so strong, that it takes over and all it does is to harden and poisoning your body with energy that keeps people out and avoids love to be expressed and received.

  37. Who gives us the right to react? Why do we think it’s okay to shout at another person and be forceful? Sometimes in those situations a lot gets revealed about a relationship, we see where we truly stand with people who may have been all nice and smiles to our face, but in truth hold us as less than and are full of judgements about our behaviours. When a receiver of reactions, we can play victim or we can actually see the game we have been playing to allow another persons unresolved anger to be leashed out onto us.

  38. Most of my life I considered reacting was one of those things that happened, part of your personality and you didn’t have a choice really. It is great reflecting on such behaviour and deepening our awareness as this blog inspires – wonderful potential for an expansion in understanding, clarity, empowerment and responsibility.

  39. This is why I love all the Universal Medicine student body blogs – honesty, realness, and conversations about topics we normally don’t talk about. Once we can be open, honest and accepting about certain thoughts or behaviours then we have the opportunity to heal those and bring understanding to ourselves and others. Without the honesty and openness things can fester. For me Stefanie it’s a lovely read, very relatable, and I experienced a sense of joy seeing you free yourself from something that is not truly you, and the non-judgemental way it’s been expressed supports me to see the same issues of blame and responsibility in myself. Letting go of what doesn’t belong is a deeper embrace of our true loving selves.

    1. Thank you Melinda! Only through realness and imperfection and sharing whatever we experienced and are working on we inspire each other.

  40. We are so quick to react and blame another for how they made us feel. Taking responsibility for how we feel and our reactions takes some practice and commitment, but by doing so I find life becomes much, much easier to deal with.

    1. Yes it brings it back, to what I choose in every moment and not looking outside and finding reasons, why I could not act how I know I should have.

  41. There have been numerous times where I thought I had the right to react because someone else was also reacting. What happens then is we then tend to blame each other for reacting and no one wants to take responsibility.

    1. It is the game of, you don´t hold it, so why should I hold it. Instead of stopping the energy that entered, we entertain it through blaming. The question is in these situations, do we read energy and stop it immediately or do we choose power through observance and non involvement no matter how much we get provoked.

  42. It never fails to amaze me what we can learn from the way we swim, I just recently found out that I make life very hard for myself and am not as aware as I would have like to think I am from a swim session; from here I can move on instead of lumbering on in the dark.

  43. We judge and condemn things to be “right” or “wrong” and when somebody does something which is “wrong” in our righteous eyes we have a right to react… well, what does that reaction bring and what is the point of it? All it does is it cements us in our identification of what and how we think the world should be – retarding our evolution.

    1. What if we weren´t “right” in the first place and what we then judge as “wrong” is just a self created scenario, which we play the main character. The part in us that does not want to evolve just loves to indulge in scenarios like this, as it involves yourself in the creation and you want to find a solution in the creation when the main key is to not go into the creation of right and wrong in the first place.

  44. When we can’t blame someone else for our ill choices, do we let them build up and become a pressure cooker and explode at something small that is just a release of what we bottled up? Usually, this dump is on anybody, that becomes the victim of unfriendly fire so that we can relieve ourselves! Where is our responsibility in accepting the lessons our choices offer us?

  45. When we react, the most important point is to know that we have reacted. The next point is, if at all possible, not to act from that reaction but to stop reacting before we act. The third point is to get more and more awareness why we reacted so we have a choice whether to react the next time.

    1. A great marker is: I am expressing in my true essence right now, or do I allow an energy to run me that is actually not mine. If so, the first thing I got to do is connecting back to my essence. The hook of reacting, which we set up through our own movements and choices, is super strong, but also super painful. The moment we hate the disconnection and pain more than the desire to react, we create space for situations to be better understood and read.

  46. “Actually, it is simply a trick to avoid evolving.” Absolutely agree! Judgement and blame stop us from evolving in so many ways in our relationships. It’s like we are saying in one breath ‘I want things to change!’ but behind the scenes our body is putting out, ‘I want our relationship to stay as the status quo’.

  47. Having the right to react is not a free choice. It comes with consequences that my body registers and if not addressed, gets stored up over time. Eventually the judgements or expectations I hold can’t be contained as I might get a killer headache or another illness. Reacting comes at a cost to our health and relationships.

  48. We all do have the right to react. It is our free will. But we equally have the responsibility of all our choices and actions and this is unavoidable no matter how much we seek to deny the fact.

  49. Feeling into the statement the right to react, makes me ponder on much we can hold righteous positions as individuals, often at the expense of another who has to wear our judgments.

    1. So true Jenny, it is extremely judgemental when we react and this can happen pretty fast. I reckon it is the tension of not living who we are that we are more likely to react to anything and everything.

  50. Another thing I have noticed when I have judged, blamed or reacted is the collateral damage of the other people around me. There is a lack of ease in my body and our relationship till the situation is addressed. It is so much simpler to live and work in a more aware way that brings a body that is not as reactive or judgemental.

    1. Everyone who is involved in or observes a situation between two people who are playing out reactions becomes an instant shock by the energy. It proofs how unnatural it is for us to be in reaction as all our cells shrink and tighten immediately, when we feel that kind of energy coming through another person.

  51. Mastering blaming the outside world is a great get out clause for responsibility. What if we simply made a choice to be more aware of where we blame and see what it brought up over a couple of weeks? I am all up for that.

    1. I’m with you Lucy and have started seeing how manipulating it is when we blame someone or something else. It’s a whole shifting in responsibility and dumping at the same time. The tension of keeping that held in place is exhausting and anxiety building. I look forward to what else will be exposed by sniffing out where I blame.

    2. I am up for that too Lucy. Our reactions can be very subtle and whenever we are being pulled up about reacting, it is common to then go into defensiveness or further reactions and blame. What a game we all play whenever we go into reactions and they don’t serve us at all.

  52. I still react a lot when I am driving and if what we see in life is there as a reflection for us to learn I am still living my life too recklessly without enough regard for others because that is what I see people driving like quite often.

    1. Whenever I react when I am driving, I know that I am not accepting where everyone else is at. No matter how they behave, it is about accepting and learning from the reflection. It may be, to not choose to drive again like someone else is showing me, how I used to drive or that I need to keep steady to reflect a different way.

  53. To react / reaction / re-act, or re-action is all an action against something or a returning to an act or action so when we ponder on this it is an energy that is returning. Usually that is an action that has an emotional basis or connection to an ideal or belief that our life or life-times should be a certain way and others have to also fit into that nut-shell. When we live in this convoluted and contrived way of existence we justify life with the way we re-act, then is this act True or just an act we put on to elude being responsible?

  54. It’s easy to blame others just as it is easy to be a victim – but when we want to take responsibility for our actions – that is when things truly start to lift and change

    1. Yes things do start to change, inside and outside and we sometimes need to be able to walk with another to be able to debrief along the way! What I discovered is there are so much support available when I stop needing the support to be from particular people or look a certain way.

  55. We all love to react to situation/people but what we fail to understand is that every single reaction that we have hugely affects the body.

    1. And it does affect us in multiple ways more than what the recipient gets. We get caught by the other acting a certain way and focus on that instead of caring for our own body.

  56. When we take the right or the wrong out of situations, we are left with our responsibility or irresponsibility of living the truth of who we really are. There is no room for the drama of blaming another just the ouch of not living our fullness.

  57. Sometimes I find in certain situations, its like the reaction is a wave and rather than struggling against it and trying to make it stop or reign it in, its easier to let go, to not act on the reaction but just acknowledge that it is there and I have found it is then far easier to move on and deal with why we reacted.

    1. That is very true- honesty does help a lot in that moment and not wanting yourself or the other to be different. What also helps is to connect to a different purpose/ a true purpose instead of indulging with thoughts and could be’s, what if´s, regrets, analysing- which is simply a way to keep yourself busy within the same energy.

    2. Rebecca something similar happened to me, when I just accepted that this is where I am at and there is a deeper reason the answer immediately came to me, but I had to hold myself in acceptance first and take any pressure off of how I ‘should’ be.

    1. Which is a True respond-sibility!!! Life is a lived responsibility when we live from our essences and thus Love becomes our first response and that corresponds or communicates as a great reflection to others.

  58. Great observation Steffi. There is only truth so judgement is a lie. There is only what is truth or not and the choice to be living it or not. Simple.

  59. Reacting lets the other off the hook – it creates a sharp energy that makes it much harder for both parties to still feel what is happening and respond to it.

  60. When we are blaming another or even ourselves for something or we are in reaction to something we automatically shut down to the bigger picture and we swamp ourselves into whatever the situation is. We literally then “can’t see the forest for the trees”. When this occurs we are not able to simply observe the circumstance, we become servants to the reaction.

  61. I was away over the weekend and had an appointment yesterday, for which I was unusually late for. It took me 1 and 1/2 hours to get to where I was going and the traffic was thick and slow. Its a hard place to sit when you literally can’t move anywhere. I could feel myself heading into blaming heavy traffic for my lateness. But I was reflecting on my morning and I was ready to leave at least 1 1/2 hours before by appointment time and did consider leaving and thought, “no i’ll be too early”. Now this is not about beating myself up but simply making the observation that I actually knew to leave early and made the choice not to. Simple. And also coming back to appreciate that I actually did know to leave early. I obviously had no idea what the traffic was like, but I had a clear feeling that is important to appreciate.

    1. What a beautiful example and proof for our intuition and how habits hold us back to follow its impulse. Not questioning our own flow and not controlling our everyday routine is the way into true power and in alignment with space that knows no rules or plans.

  62. Do we actually react to friends, people we meet, the same as to our closest people, partner, kids? Is there a way of diminishing standards, when it comes to people we actually love, because we know or presume, that we can dumb our tension onto them through reaction? What an arrogance that we behave like that. No one deserves more or less to receive any kind of reaction.

  63. I like it that you bring it back to responsibility. Sometimes reacting is avoidable and it’s not about being perfect but keeping in mind our own part in things I feel is important. And also to me it feels like the more love we develop towards ourselves the more love we can have for another and we can then see them much more as the love that they are instead of just as to the eyes strange or weird behavior.

    1. The hurt is the instant abandonment of ourselves, which is the greatest pain. Loosing and changing our harmonious movement for an incident in the outside reflects instantly how less we loved ourself in that moment and how less we were willing to observe and read energy. Nothing in the outside is more important than us and our connection.

      1. It is the only way to truly evolve- realising that it is just energy playing out and we have the choice to grab the situation and feel hurt or observe the energy playing out. The moment we observe the energy, we can come back to love, as no one ever is truly evil inside- just choosing to let through an energy that is designed to challenge us.

      2. That’s a very cool point, that not reacting but observing is a loving act to yourself. I read somewhere that an angry moment lasts hours in your body with the physiology stressed…. so it really is a harmful act towards self.

      3. Some people are convinced that it is great to burst out your emotions and they feel alive alive through that. It is great to realise that you are angry for example and expressing that, but to feel deeper and ask yourself what lies underneath that reaction. Only then you will ever resolve the issue that poisons your body

  64. We have the right to react – definitely. In many situations it may be impossible not to react. But what we do next is crucial – do we let the reaction dominate us or do we move away from the reaction and observe?

    1. Trying to avoid reacting does in fact not work. If it happens, as we are all not perfect, it is on us for how long we are allowing that ill energy making their party.

  65. When I understood that there is no right or wrong, only truth – it really opened my eyes up to how I live and the fact that in truth we cannot judge or point fingers.

  66. Those that trigger a reaction in us are our greatest teachers for they give us the chance to observe and understand ourselves and live with more love, appreciating them and ourselves.

  67. Great article which made me pondering. Today I also reacted, became ugly towards a person whose behaviour I did not like. Of course, I could manage myself staying in my love, but the deeper question is “what did I contribute to the person behaving like that?” That is taking responsibility.

    1. That is an even greater view at responsibility. What did I choose, that I constellated that kind of behaviour – am I playing a part in it? Nothing ever happens for no reason. Sometimes we might feel and sense the connection to ones own choice of behaviour but sometimes it is coming back much later to reflect us our previous non soulful behaviour. Embracing that, we know that every moment we choose either soul or spirit is crucial.

  68. The thing is when we are busy reacting, we are far more interested in what has already happened and the pictures in our head than paying attention to what is actually going on.

    1. Correct! That is why we sometimes still blame the other although he or she has already moved on, as we want to make our point or often demand an apology or play out the revenge card. How abusive for the other, oneself and the whole situation.

    2. Very good and we miss a lot that way. We also cushion the other from feeling the impact of what they are doing themselves.

  69. It made me laugh when I read how your swimming practitioner asked you to describe your experience of the task you had undertaken without referring to other people, especially if you wished to use them as an excuse for your own performance, and how it got you to see the frequency with which we blame the world for our experience. I recognise this all too well. So much gossip, blame and animosity would be eradicated if we simply adopt what your practitioner asked you to try out.

  70. Reacting to what life is presenting to us is actually a blessing if we would understand the science of it. As any reaction to life comes from an offering to become more of ourselves and seen from this perspective gives us the opportunity to look deeper into ourselves to discover that part what is reacting and actually dos not belong to us.

  71. When we fall for blaming others we are in the belief that life is only three dimensional and have forgotten that we are multi dimensional beings living in a three dimensional world. We are so much more than just a body with a set of brains and if we return to that understanding of what human life precisely is we cannot judge or blame anymore because this only exist in that diminished way of being and has nor origin where we come from and belong to.

  72. It is far ‘easier’ in the short term to blame others rather than make the changes we know we need to make, but in that, there is no growth and no evolution- just a repetition of more of the same.

    1. We can say it is ‘easier’ to blame others instead of making the choice to change, but in fact it is not as in holding that stance we need more energy then when we would go with the offering and take a step closer towards our soul, that actually is giving energy back.

      1. Good point Nico- you have to call in a force that is depleting our life force by blaming and getting tight in the body. By observing and non reacting we are magnifying our power and love and our soul presents us immediately the next step to move towards.

      2. So in what you say Stefanie, we can conclude that when we choose for blaming others we do actually reject the offering of our soul for the next step to move towards.

      3. I love this Nico and Stefanie, I worked something similar out recently where I realised doing something not to my full commitment required more energy as it pulls in a force to go against our natural flow that is 100%. When we take it to energy it is very simple.

  73. I still notice myself in this pattern. Even much less still this strong spirit that has the idea that if people ‘disbehave I have the right to put them back in their chair so to speak. I feel i want them to take more responsibility which reflects me in fact that I have to take more responsibility by bringing something Else then the other does. Which is called a holding of love which we all Can offer.

    1. How much love I allow in myself will support me to see the love in another, no matter how they behave. Do we have a limit how far we hold someone in love or is it endless and unconditionally. The embracing of another and oneself, knowingly that no one is perfect and that we are all equal is a beautiful unfolding. Every relationship changes immensely by stepping towards more love.

  74. It is so true, we feel that we have the right to react and to react in whatever way we see fit, be it getting angry, silently resentful or violent. Our intense emotions become too big to handle and we explode into a tantrum no different than a small child. But seeing everything as someone else’s fault will only serve to keep us in that retarded way of thinking. Seeing our part in a situation is only the start to unravel what we are contributing too.

    1. These reactions are all about us too. When we react or are in a reaction there is no real consideration for another even though we may like to think that there is.

  75. That everyone and situation is a gem to learn from …. now that would be an amazing way to live life! I am going to play with that today.

    1. And suddenly you start to thank people who behave in a not positive way, like for example, when you get rejected or told off or get ignored etc. Somehow funny but true.

      1. I discovered this yesterday with the help of a dear friend helping me unpack my intense reaction to another person. Realising now what was being offered to heal within me is actual vital to my evolution so I couldn’t have done this without the person who triggered me. A gift and gem indeed!!

      2. Can you imagine we would ALL live like that? We would evolve in high speed as a species and treat each other with love and respect.

    2. Indeed. The beautiful thing is that from each situation I can learn in reflection if I present love or not,whether it was a response or a reaction. Because however the other person is presenting him/herself, does not give me the right to react. There is a learning for me to stay in the holding.

  76. I love coming back to this blog, it has supported me to be more aware of when I react throughout my day. I started to look at what triggers me to react to situations/people? I can list a whole heap of triggers but when I strip them all back it ultimately boils down to living in separation and seeing others as separate to me. This way of living is one huge reaction to life which is exhausting and harming. Thank God for Serge Benhayon and the amazing people at Universal Medicine for showing me that there is another way, to live in Oneness, to let go of separation and reactions, to live the divine beings we are and embrace the love that unites us all.

  77. Building our ability to respond to a situation we start to appreciate the way we are responsible for our own patch and how we can then be purpose-full in our ways to keep that patch tender-ed-to so we flourish and others get an amazing reflection.

  78. Reaction and or the right to react can only exist as long as we consider ourselves separate to each other, ie. ‘the us and them mentality’ whereby we perceive every being to be an isolated unit in interaction but not interconnection with each other.

    1. True the separation starts way before. Otherwise we could not act in such an unloving way with each other.

  79. It is beautiful therefore to observe in the midst of huge reactions around that I’m not reacting as much as I used to and it is also deeply precious to witness the movements of the body opening to accept so much more than to judge. This is gorgeous.

    1. I would even say it starts with the body first, that it opened up, so that you are more open to allow and receive love for yourself and another.

  80. The blame game is a merry-go-round that only adds fuel to the fire so to speak, feeding the spirits avoidance to evolve, taking responsibility for our actions and reactions is what will offer us the healing that our soul is presenting to us.

  81. Since having read this blog I have been becoming aware of how every little thought and action of annoyance, ignorance, neglect, judgment etc. sits comfortably on the right to react.

    1. And one that stands out for me is reacting to other people’s reactions. When we see someone react it is like an invitation for us to react back but if we hold steady and be the love that we are, we can see and feel the invitation is not so inviting.

      1. What I realised lately, the other person reacting knows deep inside that they are in reaction even if they are denying and defending the fact. When we are reacting in the same way we are falling for the illusion, that they do not know, but they do – so we can let go of the investment someone needing to admit that they are in reaction. I know I can be sometimes adamant that the other admits they are in reaction, which feeds the reaction and the energy of separation instead of observing and understanding.

  82. Letting go of blame brings with it a beautiful healing as we let go of the drive to react and as you say Steffie ‘a certain humbleness’ replaces any need to be anything less than loving.

    1. True we develop a deep-humble-appreciative-ness of love and our divine purpose, which builds on our responsibility to live in every situation purpose-full of that loving reflection.

  83. We have the right to do many things – in theory – like jump off a cliff – but we wouldn’t do that as it would harm us. In the same way we need to take great care about many ill-choices we have a right to, but that are very ill-advised, such as when we react rather than respond to situations.

  84. I love that you bring in the word ‘humbleness’ when we start to focus on our way of living instead of pointing out our finger to someone else there is less arrogance and we become humble. We bless ourselves and others with more love.

    1. Pointing out the finger makes you hard and stuck, looking at your part in it, is or can be uncomfortable but instantly opens up your body for more.

  85. Every time I really think, ‘oh but this is really too bad/big/ugly/painful etc. now of course everybody understands why I react instead of respond, I have to conclude afterwards, and this can be sometimes years later, that there is literally never an excuse to react.

    1. The moment we react we make it only about ourselves. In milliseconds the width of a situation or relationship becomes tight and narrowed. It is only about that anymore. A perfect excuse to not go out in the world and reflecting and expressing the greatness that we are.

      1. I love the point you make about self. That is what it feels like often when I react: a tantrum of a child that doesn’t get what it wants. And the only one that is important then is me, me, me. Ouch for everybody. Whereas there is a beautiful opportunity on offer to learn and heal something and make it about all of us equally.

  86. A great and important sharing on the right we think we have to react to take on stuff and blame others instead of seeing everything and life as a learning and something to look at for ourselves in our healing and growth towards being who we truly are and discarding the ills we have accumulated.

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