I was feeling a little irritable whilst walking to work one morning, which felt very unusual for me, as usually of late I have been feeling much joy as I walk.
I am learning to listen to my body and feel what is going on with me in every moment, so that I can observe energy that does not belong in my body (is not me) and let it go, so that I can deepen my connection with the energy in my body that is the true me. This is a forever deepening and unfolding process, with lots of highs and lows along the way, but every time I let go of something that does not belong, I feel great joy, sometimes relief and always a lot lighter.
On my walk to work this particular morning, I realised that something was coming up inside my body for me to look at. I started then to observe my body more closely and I realised that an old hurt was coming up with regard to someone that I know and have a feeling that I also knew in a past life.
This person and I were, I feel, very close in a past life: what I was feeling very strongly now was that we were lovers in a past life and I had hurt them very badly. I started to see the full picture of what had happened in the past life – pictures unfolded in front of my eyes. I realised then that I had started to care very deeply for this person in the past life and they too, for me. I then recognised that after realising I had felt this way for this person, I had gone into a pattern of shutting down love and going into what I thought was protection. I had decided, because of past hurts, to not allow anybody to love me and not allow myself to love another. This had caused considerable hurt to this person and myself in our past lives, and I also realised this has probably caused hurt to many other lovers I have known before and since.
As my Soul revealed all this to me, I felt the terrible pain of what I had done to the other person and to myself and tears started to fill my eyes. I then started to sob, uncontrollably, apologising over and over to this person for the terrible pain I had caused to them and myself. I felt in that moment a connection with this person on a Soul level and that there was no need to have this conversation with them at this time, if ever. Which felt amazing! I started to feel a sense of relief and the left side of my heart that had started to feel heavy, felt like it cracked open and all the pain I was feeling in my body came to the surface and then slowly dissipated, as I cried and vowed that I would never shut love out again.
Until I came across the Ageless Wisdom Teachings through Universal Medicine I was not consciously aware that this was what I had actually been doing. I have since discovered that shutting love down in this way supports no one. It ceases the opportunity for us to evolve, because love is the only thing that we truly need to learn. In fact, re-learn, as it is where we originally come from.
True love, not emotional love, cannot hurt us. It is a beholding light that we can find inside ourselves and bring forth in all that we say and do, in every moment. True Love is beholding, allowing and accepting of others. It cannot forgive, as it does not judge. It observes and reads where the other person is at and with compassion understands that this is what is needed for that person in that moment, and also brings understanding as to why they are behaving in the manner they are choosing in that moment.
After four years of applying this and with the support of Esoteric Healing, I have many moments in my day when I feel so much joy, love and harmony in my body that sometimes I feel I will burst if I cannot share what I am feeling with others. I walk with so much love throughout my day that sometimes it feels too much for me to bear because I have walked with so much disregard in the past… for many, many lives, in fact, and many years in this one. However, I am now making choices – fully committing to connecting to the love that we all innately are and bringing this forth in every moment to show others that they can be this too.
We are all extremely tender, fragile, vulnerable, yet amazingly powerful beings who have lost our way, that is all. But now we have an opportunity to re-connect, re-find what was once lost and return to the love we all come from. We can all walk with joy in every moment, if we so choose. This is what I find so amazing -that we choose, we decide. We can choose misery and struggle or we can choose true love, joy and harmony.