Can you imagine never feeling more love in your whole life for a man and yet knowing that being together has no real purpose anymore? Completing the relationship at the highest point and then experiencing even more love, flow and expansion between the two of you?
This is exactly what happened, and I have to say it is the most amazing experience ever. Like my ex-partner said one morning: “I am waiting for the breakup to hurt, but it doesn’t hurt.” I answered that when there is truth and you align to that, there is no pain. How can there be pain when you are love and the love keeps expanding?
Of course, if there are pictures or if you let yourself get caught in thoughts you can feel hurt, but otherwise there is just an immense joy of being together as friends and allowing the true purpose for a constellation to be lived.
Let me explain about the purpose of our relationship. When we first met both of us really wanted a partner. We thought we were okay on our own, but actually neither of us loved living by ourselves and we loved the attention and feeling special that the other person gave us. I also really enjoyed meeting up with other couples, because a lot of couples don’t invite you when you are single. It gave me a feeling of belonging, but actually the whole relationship was focused on ourselves and how we could be as happy as possible.
What we didn’t achieve in our first round of relationship is living by the ground rules of a relationship and building a foundation for true love.
When we broke up the first time, we did this in the realisation that there was no foundation of mutual decency, honour and respect in our relationship. We realised we had a romantic attraction, but that this is not enough. And despite the good times we had, a relationship is about the consistency of love whereby there are rare times of disturbance and every other time is the grace and beauty of love.
And as a wise and dear friend had shared with us – “We all deserve true love and no less” – and that was not what we were living.
When we came together again, ten months after the break-up, each of us had taken responsibility for our part of the break-up and for our own needs. We had been in contact since we broke up and could make a fresh start on the basis of building a foundation of mutual decency, honour and respect in all aspects of our relationship. It was an absolute joy and honour to experience this together. During this time and from this new foundation we were more willing to love each other with our all and to allow in that depth of love between us.
We then came to realise that the most important part in any relationship is the relationship we each have with our own evolution. This made me realise that I needed to live my life in a different part of the world than my partner. We had been under the illusion that we had made our relationship about the bigger picture, but this was actually not the case.
After our final breakup, I realised the hold I had on him as a partner and how much more space I could give him (and me). Also, the lie of being different with a friend than with him. Super interesting to realise that when he was no longer my partner, I could let him be. Before I needed him to be something for me (quite selfishly so). For example, I needed him to be in connection to his body, so that we could be more connected.
I am super grateful to be able to have completed our relationship in a way that gave us both a foundation for our next relationships, ones that will be grander than the one we had.
I’m also grateful to have learned what absolute love is as a foundation for a relationship and to enjoy being with another, adoring them and appreciating every detail about them. The way we completed, travelling together, shopping, cooking and hanging out, was just perfect.
But now I know that love alone isn’t enough. Love is the basis, but a relationship needs more than that. It needs a deepening of love, a forever unfolding of evolution and something that is bigger than just me and another person being happy.
Whether we are in or out of an intimate relationship, we are always in a relationship with ourselves, with our Soul and with purpose. This is what enriches life and allows the unfolding of true love with everyone. A process that forever deepens and to quote Serge Benhayon:
“There is no off button in love…
Only more love to deepen into.”
By Monika, The Netherlands
Written with permission of my ex-partner.