So Where are All the Men?

The erroneous focus of recent media on the high percentage of women attending Universal Medicine has been so eloquently dispelled in previous posts but it does beg the question, “So where are all the Men?”.

As a man who has chosen to test the teachings of Universal Medicine for himself, rather than relying on the second hand views of others, I found one thing incredibly confronting… Love as I knew it, was totally back to front.

I grew up being shown that men were the providers, the fathers with all the answers, the handymen, the compliant husbands, the ‘blokey’ mates, the wine appreciators and so it went on.

Meeting Serge Benhayon turned this on its head. I was asked to explore the possibility that there was more to me than being the provider, the father, the husband, the good son, the mate. I was shown ways to build a relationship with myself (not my hurts, but myself). I saw other men (including Serge) building a relationship with themselves that did not rely on ‘warrior painting’ or ‘drum beating’.

The most confronting part about exploring what true love could feel like in my body, was acknowledging (and feeling) the possibility that under all the bravado, alcohol, DIY mania was a deeper part of me that was tender, gentle and lovely.

I had spent years covering up that tenderness for fear of what society could and has done. While I had convinced myself that to feel tender was a sign of weakness, the truth was it was something I craved more than anything else. I wanted it from my father, my wife, the world… but no one else could give it to me. I had to give myself permission to feel it, because it lives within me.

I am still exploring all of this and my relationships at work, with my family, my wife and myself are changing but only for the better. I don’t live that tenderness all the time and I still slip into some of the roles… but I live with deep appreciation for what has been presented by Universal Medicine – but also completely understand why it’s easier for some ‘blokes’ to throw stones rather than explore the amazing beings that they are.

By Joel Levin

Further Reading:
Men in Livingness

79 thoughts on “So Where are All the Men?

  1. I get to live with a man who has also involved himself with Universal Medicine and I know he loves the relationship he is developing with himself but I absolutely love the tender, graceful and very loving man I am with

  2. Awesome reminder that we are all learning to appreciate ourselves as beings of love. As a man who has chosen to find the true love that resides within, it is amazing how controlled we are to blindly follow the roles that have no love in them. Going about our ‘man business’ in a cloud of hurt that has to be constantly avoided at all costs, to not show this vulnerability, fragility and tenderness. The ongoing emptiness has helped shape a world of no love for anyone let alone self. It is time for all men to allow themselves to feel the truth of who they are and claim it. Love for all is not just a saying for women but for ‘ALL’.

    1. Your comment touched that raw spot of mine once again, of how easy it is to disappear into that cloud of hurt and then do everything I can to avoid it. So true Lee, and it has had such a detrimental impact on the world. It’s well over time to make a change, both personally and collectively.

  3. Thanks for the article JL, it’s true as, and speaking as a woman who has dated and held in regard all the (‘men’) roles you described, deep down women do actually enjoy and prefer to be with a man who is and shows tenderness towards them, treats and holds them in this way, and equally there is nothing more amazing in seeing a guy who is this way with himself. There is depth in this relationship that is true love.

  4. I have been deeply touched by these writings, they show how needed Universal Medicine truly is and that it is in fact very important that Serge Benhayon continues to present and share his experiences so that other men can have a opportunity to change their life like Serge has.

    1. I agree Amina, this inspiration is so needed. This particular part of the blog touched me: ‘I had spent years covering up that tenderness for fear of what society could and has done.’ This made me feel sad to be part of a world that has made someone (or many many people) afraid to show who they are. Thank heavens we are beginning to change that.

  5. So inspiring JL. I too have the honour of witnessing a man discovering just how gorgeous and beautiful he is and as a woman, I am learning to make way for everything he is. Thanks to UM, gone is the woman who could do it all and better than a bloke! Now she is fully appreciating the amazingness of a man connecting to his love and what he has to offer the world. Keep it up JL, keep getting more beautiful.

  6. Dear JL or dare I call you Mr. Tenderness 😉 for you so gently expressed.

    I was on a bus with my older brother (52) a few hours ago and we talked about my son (16). By the way, my brother has never attended any Universal Medicine presentations and couldn’t even answer what esoteric was! To paint an even better picture, he grew up in former Yugoslavia – mega macho environment where football and beer are at the core being of almost every single man. But I know my brother to be deep down super sensitive and tender too, it is just that he had never been encouraged to express that. Anyway, he turned to me and said that my son had the most beautiful soul (I didn’t think this word was in his vocabulary!) and that he is so super gentle (which he is). However, he added that although he truly LOVES that about my son, he was at the same time concerned because, and I quote: The world as we know it today is very cruel and he is worried that my son might get hurt if his tenderness is so apparent! I put my hand on my brother’s shoulder and said that the world needs more men expressing their tenderness and delicateness since it is that which will inspire changes into the world.

    Then I come home and read your post… Thank you for expressing in the way that is so hard for so many men, and my bro is one of them.

    1. Thank you Dragana, your sharing brought tears to my eyes. I love what your brother expressed and how you responded. Your response brought the tears as I felt the love in which you confirmed your brother’s own tenderness exposing his own protection as he sought to protect your son whilst bringing the future to him at the same time. Simply beautiful.

  7. JL, I have fallen in love with you ;)! – just as you’ve fallen in love with being you. You have expressed wonderfully what it means to be a beautiful tender man. I have also loved feeling my husband become more gentle, tender and loving and comfortable in his own skin as he discovers the amazingness that he is.

  8. JL, thank you for speaking so eloquently. It is truly, beautiful, lovely to find and express this inner tenderness that we have been bought up to suppress.

  9. JL what you wrote is beautiful. I see that gentleness and tenderness naturally in my son who is only 5. If the world had more men who felt comfortable expressing their softer side then young boys would feel safe knowing that is normal and wouldn’t have to change to fit in to a world that asks them to be hard and tough and unemotional. Women want their men to be sensitive but women too have forgotten how to be tender and gentle. So who is going to be there as role models for our children if we don’t become the change that we want to see?

  10. It is awesome to hear men claiming their tenderness and standing up for their right to feel tender in such a ‘hardened’ society in which we live in.

  11. How very beautiful, thank you so much for expressing this. It’s so awesome to have men being gentle in the world, having all of us being gentle in the world and being our love in it.

  12. As another man doing this work, one of the very nicest things is the complete equality of everybody regardless of their gender, age or anything else. This actually makes a big difference in practice.

    Almost everywhere else I know where men and women meet or do something together, there either is a hierarchy or people are reacting to the potential of a hierarchy. It is at least for my age group (50+) very rare to be in a mixed-gender group where everybody is completely equal and there is no need or desire to change this.

  13. Hi JL, reading your post reflected to me my husband who just like yourself is exploring his relationship with himself. It’s beautiful to watch him becoming more and more gentle and not holding on to the ‘latin macho’ picture he grow up with. It’s very inspiring to see him taking care of himself, choosing to use a trolley instead of carrying a heavy bag on his back, having tea breaks in the afternoon, wearing a scarf when it’s a bit chilly, being careful with what he eats… It all reflects back on the way he is with myself and with other people, a more attentive and understanding man.

  14. So beautiful JL. I have known many men who are tender, and gentle, but are not yet willing to let go and live that tenderness. It is very inspiring to read the words of a man who is doing that. It is a blessing to women, and all men to know that there is another way to be in the world. Thank you.

  15. Hi JL, thanks for expressing so beautifully the changes you feel. When I was younger I ran a million miles from a man who was gentle and tender, feeling more comfortable with ones who had lost this as they didn’t ask me to be more gentle or loving of myself, let alone them. It is heartening to hear that men like you are choosing that for yourselves – even after years of being asked not to be by women like me (in the past). 🙂

  16. Throwing stones is just another one of those things that blokes do, whereas real men find the words to be able to express deeply what they are feeling, and share that with others. Exactly like you JL in this blog.

    1. Thank you Joel and Simon, I agree, blokes prefer the “throwing of stones”, which reminds me of the old saying, “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.” As Joel presents, “I found one thing incredibly confronting… Love as I knew it, was totally back to front.” The use of words and phrases are “back to front” in lots of cases, the same can be said about this very old saying, we actually hurt more and it is felt more deeply when words are used against us!

  17. “The most confronting part about exploring what true love could feel like in my body, was acknowledging (and feeling) the possibility that under all the bravado, alcohol, DIY mania was a deeper part of me that was tender, gentle and lovely.” I appreciate this quote as a woman who was once very hard and distant with others who craved to be more close and open. I can feel how my body has become so much more gentle and open through building a true relationship with myself and learning to express from this place. This is a very tender and open blog and it is gorgeous to share in this expression from a tender and open man.

  18. The deep appreciation you have for Universal Medicine and the understanding you are now exploring of the love and tenderness you naturally are is gorgeous, and just beautiful to read.

  19. Awesome blog, JL. I have been blessed to live with a gentle, loving man that has also attended Universal Medicine presentations and has been inspired to connect to that tenderness within, rather than fight it. I have observed how the world does not make it easy for men to let go of their roles and toughness and most men find it very confronting when others do so. But wow does it need more men like you to show them that it won’t all fall apart if they let down their guards.

  20. Totally agree with you, discovering our inner qualities and their innate beauty and connecting to them, is as amazing as shocking because it is such a contrast to how we have chosen to live. The truth is that being a man offers any of us a catalogue of ‘places’ where to safely hide from ourselves without even stopping to consider what are we truly doing.

  21. It’s beautiful that you have reconnected to the loving, tenderness you naturally are, and feel able to express and live it more and more in your daily life.
    Thanks JL

  22. It is such a shame we make our men tough, providers, the ones who have to be strong and unable to show how they really feel. You are breaking through a big societal wrong here JL, of course men should be able to feel their feelings.. how can they not!? This is an inspiring read.

  23. I do sometimes feel sad about the fact that so few man allow true tender connections. Even in the gay scene it is rarely seen and it’s quickly just about sex or neediness. Being around Serge Benhayon and all the other most beautiful men, I meet at Universal Medicine events, is like charging my batteries with real connection. I take this into my daily life and share it with everybody.

  24. Thank you for sharing the unfolding of you returning to your tenderness. It is beautiful to feel and an inspiration to other men to explore theirs.

  25. Thank you Jl for sharing your story, so much has been put on men to be anything other than who they truly are. It is truly beautiful when men can feel and express the tenderness that resides within.

  26. Beautiful blog by a beauty-Full man. I enjoyed reading the comments also. Sadly I was a woman who bought into the ‘tough man’ ideal hook, line and sinker, however, I am pleased to say that as I allow myself to soften, open and feel and live the real me more and more I am now loving and appreciating the growing (in both number and depth) tenderness in the men in my life!

  27. ‘I had spent years covering up that tenderness for fear of what society could and has done. While I had convinced myself that to feel tender was a sign of weakness, the truth was it was something I craved more than anything else.’
    To me, it is obvious that all men crave this tenderness, no matter how big and burly they may seem on the outside, I can see how sensitive they are underneath, it is like it is a natural part of being a man. When I have experienced men showing the tender side of them selves, it actually comes across as a strength, and much more powerful than those many obvious behaviours that try to give the impression of being a strong man.

  28. Awesome JL. Men escaping the clutches of the ‘bravado, alcohol appreciation and the DIY mania,’ and learning to express their divine tenderness just like you is exactly what the world needs. I say go for it!

  29. Really beautiful JL. you have exposed some of the roles that have been imposed on men within society so well here. I loved how you were honest about the fact that underneath it all, all men crave tenderness and love, and what came to mind for me was we are all born as tender, loving beings. When is it that we decide that male babies should grow and become hard men? Why do we allow girls and women the right to express their feelings but leave the boys and men to have to fend for themselves? It simply does not make sense. It is so amazing to see that men like yourself and the many others inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are challenging these beliefs. Thank you for embracing the true you!

  30. Thank you for sharing JL, it is beautiful when men express their tenderness – it supports other men to also allow this.

    1. Yes Anna, it’s not only men developing these tender relationships with themselves that is powerful (life changing in fact!) but when they begin to develop these relationships with others (men ‘and’ women), well all I can say is ‘wow’, look out!

  31. Thanks Joel, having met you and other men who have taken the steps to build a tender, loving relationship with themselves, I can say that I very much appreciate the beauty that is so evident when you walk, talk and generally interact with others. Not only is this encouraging other men to do the same but I also find it slows me down and reminds me to nurture the same qualities within myself.

  32. Dear tender loving and sensitive being Joel. A huge thank you and deep appreciation for your inspiring blog in which express so beauty-fully and whole-heartedly from your lived experience to share these innate qualities that men naturally are, yet so often bury so deeply within for being seen as less than what society’s ideals and beliefs hold men to.

  33. Hi Joel, this blog has certainly dated as I see it has been written some time ago. There is now a growing number of very tender, loving men who are leading the way relating to each other in ways that once would have been unheard of. In fact the Universal Medicine men’s group is an inspiration to us women we can see the huge change it has fostered in the relationships between the men. We see how supportive, encouraging, tender and loving they now are with each other, a far cry from the usual competition playing out when men get together.

    1. So true Kathleen, there are men who are truly inspirational in how they are living, showing that strength and tenderness can be delivered in equal measure.

  34. As a gorgeous woman who is developing a relationship with herself, it is a miracle to read writing but even better yet to see the living choices of men also developing an equally gorgeous relationship with themselves. A moment of feeling such beauty (discovering this blog) is enough to bring me to my next step of developing with myself deeper, and deeper still. There is no greater joy than to return to the truth of ourselves together as men and women.

  35. The many men who are students of Universal Medicine and are inspired by Serge Benhayon to share their tenderness and true love have allowed me to see and feel this same tenderness and inner true love in every man I meet.

  36. Other men may be throwing stones… but secretly watching how it is done and wanting to be more of the men they are too. I completely see men in a whole new light (true light) since meeting Serge Benhayon, and many many gentle-men at Universal Medicine presentations. I now see past the bravado’s, staunch roles and attitudes, which in truth are just an outer crust covering a warm, loving and universal centre.

  37. I have been on dating sites recently and it has been amazing to interact with more men. It is interesting how they think they need to be a certain way and also what women have put onto them. It is always beautiful when a man lets his guard down and stops trying to impress or put out an image and starts to show you more of his sensitivity- this is something that is very lovely to experience. I have also seen men who don’t want to do this and it limits the interaction and is a way of playing games.

  38. Anything that encourages a man to explore more of who he is and reconnect to his tenderness and once again celebrate his sensitivity should be and needs to be studied, as we are all blessed by this.

  39. Another beautiful and transforming element of the fact that there are more men reconnecting to their inner tenderness and sweetness without the roles is that now many women are seeing how to treat a man with respect, love and gentleness. This is also something that as a society we need to look at is how because men often do front with the roles, toughness and bravado that that doesn’t mean that is who they are or that they should be confirmed by that.

  40. “While I had convinced myself that to feel tender was a sign of weakness, the truth was it was something I craved more than anything else.” Joel I love your honesty – you are a role model for so many other men. Thank you for not holding back your tenderness – I am sure that you are not the only man carving it more than anything else.

    1. And we all – women an men – are craving for the tender men in expression. When I first heard the men sing from their tender bodies and express as a group in love and delicateness – I cried and cried. It is like I was waiting for the men to come back as who they truly are for lifetimes! What a joy to get them back! Thank you Joel!

  41. “Love as I knew it, was totally back to front.” To realise this is huge, as there are so many pictures that feed us what love is and we pick the ones we like but, what if all these pictures have nothing to do with what true love is.

  42. I love how you share your reality was completely normal to you until someone came into your life and showed you, by lived example, that it doesn’t need to be that way, that there is a more loving way to be. This ‘way’ includes you loving the tender, gentle and caring you as well as supporting and being part of the family.

  43. It is so beautiful to read your blog Joel about connecting to the deep tenderness that lives within you and not being afraid to show it, men can be as deeply tender as any woman, and it is this tenderness that opens hearts.

  44. Thank God for Serge Benhayon and the many men who live in a way that expresses and honours their sensitivity and love- it is a real blessing as a woman to meet and experience men like this.

  45. Until we embrace a way of living for ourselves, or worse live it and then deny it, we can only watch and live in a constant tension of what we are consistently choosing not to live for ourselves.

  46. And here they are, the men! Tender, lovingly and powerful men, who start to consider to express who they are. Interesting that the media does like they are not there at all. Must be very confronting for them to meet this men, men like you Joel.

    1. True Sandra – being confronted with someone who is living in honour of their natural tenderness and divinity highlights where we are not. This can be so painful for some that they try to destroy the reflection rather than have to feel the pain deep within.

  47. Great call Joel – we men are truly tender and delicate. Great to say it and great to claim it so that we can allow ourselves to feel once again. Underneath that armour many of us have taken on is a very precious being that can feel and sense everything.

  48. It is gorgeous to read of someone prepared to let go of the roles and facades and choose to live the tenderness they are even though it is a quality not truly embraced by men in the world. The world needs men like you to show others the way back to living who they truly are and to live how they truly feel to, expressing this even when outside of the current norm.

  49. I love how open and willing you are to share your experience of the world and of the work you are doing on yourself, Joel. You write for so many men in this piece; it is not only very inspiring and very uplifting it has humour and warmth that makes your writing a pleasure to read .

  50. This is so beautiful, I love the last words of understanding. As that so signifies the caring nature of a man, everyone is seen for who they are. It is something new that we rediscover that men are the total opposite of what they have learned from young onwards. I can feel the tenderness, but it takes time to allow it to blossom.

  51. I guess for a man it takes a little step more to explore their feelings and tender being, not because they are less of it but because they have been told that it makes them less manly, and also because women have become extremely tough nowadays, so how to ‘survive’ as a man being tender if the women are so hard.

  52. Many of the roles and societal expectations we have lived with in the past can be very ingrained both within us and in the world around us and so often rear their heads from time to time even when we thought we had worked through them – we all experience this from time to time just as you share Joel. But we must never forget we are imperfect human beings and as such simply always need to see the opportunity to learn and grow from the imperfections from both ourselves and others equally.

  53. It’s ironic that what we crave most we push away but when we begin to make changes within ourselves and feel that which we have been avoiding all along we realise it is possible to have true love in our lives.

  54. What you write Joel resonates deeply with me too. I may be a woman, and a beautiful, delicate, sacred and sexy one at that (no more or less than every other woman), but I took on the same belief as you in that I thought I had to be like a man if I was going to ‘succeed’ in life. I rejected my naturally delicate and tender ways in favour of trying to live up to the beliefs I had of what a man was. It has been the reflection of men reclaiming their deep and natural tenderness that is supporting me to connect to mine. My husband is a daily reflection of tenderness and I now feel this within myself to. Now I have dropped the erroneous and harming beliefs I had of what it is to be a man in this world, I am also now able to feel the truth of being a woman, and so contribute to the growing reflection of sacredness there is in The Way of the Livingness.

  55. It is so beautiful Joel to know men such as you and many others who are opening up to their tenderness and expressing this without holding back. To be around a man in their tenderness I never feel it’s a weakness in fact it is very powerful quality that supports me to drop into a deeper level of tenderness within myself.

  56. What you share is beautiful Joel, ‘I had spent years covering up that tenderness for fear of what society could and has done. While I had convinced myself that to feel tender was a sign of weakness, the truth was it was something I craved more than anything else. I wanted it from my father, my wife, the world… but no one else could give it to me. I had to give myself permission to feel it, because it lives within me.’ Gorgeous.

  57. It is lovely to hear how you have embraced your natural tenderness, it is a joy to have tender men in the world.

  58. Thank you Joel. An inspiration to all naturally tender men to choose to feel and share their tenderness with the world and inspire others to be equally inspired.

  59. “I was shown ways to build a relationship with myself (not my hurts, but myself)” – this really stood out for me. Made me realise how much I have been engrossed in managing and maneuvering around what is not true – and I still do at times, instead of simply living what is true. Thank you, Joel.

  60. How very inspiring Joel to give yourself permission and feel your own tenderness and sensitivity as a man, and we women love when men show how they too are just as gentle as we women. Everyone wins.

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