by Rebecca Wingrave
I spent about 20 years of my life drinking, partying, trying to be one of the lads and having a complete lack of self worth. I got really ill as a teenager from excessively drinking alcohol, but I just carried on as it was what I felt gave me confidence and was what all young people did. I didn’t know another way of being.
It came to the point where I got so sick, I wasn’t digesting food properly and I had constant diarrhoea. I decided to seek help.
I was advised by my nutritionist to stop eating gluten and dairy and to cut down on my alcohol consumption. Over the next couple of years I started to feel better and decided to stop drinking alcohol altogether as I noticed how sick it made me. The problem was that this alienated my friends. All of a sudden I didn’t have a social life and my friends thought I was weird for not drinking. So even though my body was feeling better, my lack of self worth was still there and especially that I then felt like the odd one out.
I attended a Universal Medicine course and through listening to Serge Benhayon present and talking with other students there, I realised I wasn’t alone. I had finally met people who were also looking after themselves and who were choosing not to drink alcohol. I was introduced to another way of being.
Serge presented to us to feel for ourselves what our body was saying. Such as, which foods worked for us and which foods made us feel bloated or heavy?
So I began making changes and I refined my diet by feeling what foods and drinks worked for me. Three years on, I no longer have digestive issues or diarrhoea.
Serge talked about sleep times and how the spleen begins to cleanse the body from 9pm, so I began to go to bed earlier and noticed that this made me feel better. Serge also talked about the tenderness we all have in our bodies. I had some esoteric breast massage sessions and felt this tenderness as well as a delicateness and beauty in my own body. This was amazing for me, and since then I have been allowing myself to feel this more and more.
I realised that I wasn’t one of the lads, I was actually a gorgeous woman. I started to dress differently – much more femininely, which I’ve really been enjoying, I take the time to self-massage and am much more gentle with my body. From not carrying heavy bags, to driving much more gently and carefully.
Through this self-care and having the support of the healing sessions with Serge Benhayon and other Universal Medicine practitioners, my confidence and self-worth have been increasing hugely. I feel much more of the real me and am letting go of the trying to be something or someone else.
I have found another way of being. A more loving, more gentle, more enjoyable, true, honest way of being with self-care, nurturing and love.
My relationships have improved because I feel really well and have a lot more energy, so I’m able to love and support my family and friends more. I have noticed that people around me have been inspired by me and they ask me a lot of questions about my diet and lifestyle.
88 thoughts on “From Partying & Drinking Alcohol as ‘One of the Lads’ to Self-Care & Self-Worth as a Gorgeous Woman”
I totally understand that when you stopped drinking alcohol, that “this alienated my friends”. It is sociably acceptable to socialise and drink alcohol, and yet people feel uncomfortable when we state we do not drink. So in other words, we want everyone to join us whist we make ourselves silly and there is an uncomfortableness when there is a non drinker around in the group.
Please don’t miss understand me, I was a a social drinker, it was the done thing and when my body couldn’t handle it, despite signalling for years, I couldn’t believe what stress I had placed it under.
We are not designed to poison our bodies, we are designed to love and be of service till the body cannot handle it anymore, and naturally die as our bodies cannot live forever. So why not nurture and love it to death?…
Richard, I love how you dispell the myth of there not being a life after alcohol. This needs to be said loud and clear and even broadcast further out.
I too have been very much a tom-boy in growing up, doing lots of sports, never wearing a dress but always sneakers and shorts ready for an adventure in a practical way. It was not till my mid thirties that I actually began to accept that I am a woman and a gorgeous one at that. And this has also all come about because of the inspiration from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine – starting with baby steps to gradually begin to love myself and appreciate myself so much more.
Henrietta, I totally agree, I started to know myself as a woman after meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. There was nothing specific that was said yet it was in everything that he said that resonated within me. I have lived so far away from being a woman and I only started to discover myself in the past few years and that is thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and no one else.
Such simple ways of living the woman, and giving permission to just simply be in the beauty that we all naturally bring: “I realised that I wasn’t one of the lads, I was actually a gorgeous woman. I started to dress differently – much more femininely, which I’ve really been enjoying, I take the time to self-massage and am much more gentle with my body. From not carrying heavy bags, to driving much more gently and carefully.”
I could never handle alcohol even as a teenager or young adult and when I moved to Australia, where there is such a HUGE emphasis on drinking alcohol, it made me feel like there was something wrong with me and that I could never really fit in because of this. How come we are not taught to question this – after all drinking alcohol is not good for us so why then ostracize those who choose not to drink for whatever reason? If I knew then what I know now, I would have appreciated myself so much more and not thought something was wrong with me. What a different way that would have been to have that relationship with myself from the start.
One of the things that people notice are the qualities we reconnect to, like the tenderness, delicateness and inner beauty. Having a healthy body alone or making healthy lifestyle choices are wonderful but what people are drawn to are those qualities from our essence – qualities we all have but may have disconnected from. There is a relationship between making loving choices for our health and our ability to access and live from our essence, and just as we are not the car when driving, we are also not the body – it’s the beautiful soulful qualities within that people really respond (and sometimes react) to.
Supporting ourselves makes so much sense, and this gets confirmed when we feel the benefits in how our bodies respond, ‘ A more loving, more gentle, more enjoyable, true, honest way of being with self-care, nurturing and love.’
If we don’t listen our body is really blunt with us. Sometimes it takes an intermediary like a doctor or nutritionist to translate our bodies communication. We should not criticise self-care and taking time to self-nurture we should champion it.
So, when we self-abuse and live with disregard, we feel accepted and we belong – but by what and to what? Not surprising it makes it harder for us to have self-worth when we are choosing to belong to that instead of honoring what we feel – we are simply choosing to belong to something that does not love us.
Drinking alcohol can have a tight hold on us. Even when faced with medical advice to not drink alcohol during treatment some people find this very difficult. The choice to put self and body first drowned out by a habit some find hard to quit.
And at the heart of addictions are the hidden feelings that drive us reach out for the glass of alcohol in the first place: hurts. loneliness, lack of self worth. Medical specialists treat physical conditions, but are not trained or have time to explore underlying causes. For this we need support of organisations like Universal Medicine and esoteric medicine practitioners
These changes that supported you to recover your health Rebecca, should be in the front page of every newspaper in the world, as they are very worth to be found by those who are truly looking for a healthy life.
Lack of self-worth does not help us to renounce the addictions if they are the passport to our social life.
We work very hard not to be alone and yet I cannot help thinking that when we don’t honour ourselves we are the ones who abandon ourselves first.
I remember one of the first birthday parties I went to after having chosen to stop drinking, and met someone there who thought I must be a really confident person because I wasn’t drinking, they said they needed at least a couple of drinks before they even went out, and it made me realise how much drink effects us and takes us away from who we truly are.
We may feel or stand as the ‘odd one out’ but what is the most important for ourselves and for everyone for that matter – ‘fitting in’ and bearing the ill-consequences or being supportive and true to ourselves and hence to everything and everyone… the latter being the absolute love lived for all.
When we lack self-worth, we lack a true sense of proportion regarding life. Our foundation is so wobbly, that we can get nudged easily into behaviours against ourselves
Underneath that facade of being one of the lads you were clearly hiding your true beauty and fragility Rebecca – but now that you have dropped that facade you are living a much more loving and fulfilling life. I cannot but wonder how many others, both men and women in the world are also hiding that tenderness and wisdom you speak of.
It is incredible to see how we have come to consider ad judge something that is actually a very natural way of being, as ‘weird’ or ‘anti-social’. This highlights just how far from the truth we are choosing to live. Choosing not to drink alcohol, to not poison our bodies, is simply choosing to love and honour our selves, care for the well-being of bodies, and in a social setting making ourselves available to truly connect and share ourselves with another or the group we are with.
What I have found is that the years of drinking alcohol in my life may have supported me to fit in with others, but neither the alcohol or “fitting in” brought me the joy I now feel in my body from making simple choices to stop and consider my body, giving it sgain a voice.
“I realised that I wasn’t one of the lads, I was actually a gorgeous woman.” A precious realisation of the sacredness of a woman.
This is beautiful Rebecca, I am too learning to stay being more delicate and tender all the time, and not go into protection when challenged.
Thank you Rebecca for the reminder that when we connect to our feelings, fitting in or feeling tension from being ‘the odd one out’ simply isn’t there as it feels far greater to follow our inner truths than trying to be ‘normal’.
Yes, far greater to follow our own truth than to try to fit in to someone else’s truth.
A beautiful testimony to Universal Medicine presentations and Serge Benhayon’s lived ways that continually inspire us to make loving choices that have a powerful ripple effect to others around us.
When I met you Rebecca we were both trying to ‘out-man’ the men on the farm where we worked! I sit here in deep appreciation of the choices we have made which have supported us to feel and live as the divine women we always were but now know ourselves to be,
How beautiful Lucy, to know Rebecca and to have seen the transformation first hand and also to have embraced this for yourself and offered the same reflection of the transformation as a confirmation to her too.
I love how simple this blog is, you were presented with another way to live, even if you felt the odd one out, but it felt good to you and your body to live this way and yourself and those around you reap the benefits.
Yes, I too love the simplicity of the relationship with our own body, it has been the instigator for that change. Serge Benhayon offers us simple tools to reconnect to that relationship with the body, and an understanding of why it is so hard to do at times.
The simplest things, stopping alcohol and diet change make lasting powerful changes to how our body feels. Where then is our intelligence when we find these choices too hard to make.
A great observation in life that you cannot sit back and follow what others do if it does feel right for you in your body. Its important to seek help when it is needed and ask those why questions to yourself to go deeper and discover what is true for you. Create that life that is love for yourself. This will naturally inspire relationships around you instead of the same cause of action we find the majority in.
Yes Rebecca, trying to ‘fit in’ is a real trap as we always leave ourselves behind in the process.
Exactly kathleenbaldwin – as what it is that we are apparently ‘fitting in’ to? We may seem to ‘fit in’ in a sense or on the surface, but are we really being ourselves and honouring deep down what we feel is true.
Trying to ‘Fit in’ requires a lot of effort, whereas being true to ourselves is effortless.
Hello Rebecca and it’s great to see people making choices that support them like you have. You would think from here to share this with others, speak to them about it, show them how it works for you and give them the direction or map of how to do it themselves. What if it doesn’t work like that? We know that we are all the same, we can all make the same choices or not. We know that there aren’t ‘chosen’ ones and that we are all the one. In that then we don’t have to show anyone anything because they already know it. It is simply up to us to live true to how we feel and the rest takes care of everything. I see I/we often get caught in trying to show or give someone something but this ignores or disregards that they already know it. Allow others to make their choice and simply hold the true reflection or connection. Knowing that they already know everything and we are not showing or giving them a thing, just providing a reflection for them to see themselves no different to a mirror.
It’s so true Rebecca, when we care for ourselves our quality of energy correspondingly lifts so we have more energy to take care of others.
Just like you did Rebecca it seems to be that in today’s modern times more and more people are struggling with digestive issues – we really need to question why this is so and be open to what we can learn about the why and what we can do about it.
It is interesting how it is believed that alcohol boosts our confidence, when in truth it does exactly the opposite, we are just so numbed out to the reality under its influence that we cannot feel anything anymore, but our behaviour is not ours. To truly build confidence comes from connecting within, being present with us and cherishing this place deeply, which then gives us the confidence to express to the world who we truly are.
I completely agree, far better to have true confidence than a semblance of confidence that is build on a false footing.
It used to concern me what my friends thought when I didn’t drink alcohol and ate foods to support me. It concerned me because I didn’t want them to think I was a fussy eater and a party pooper. They have got used to me now and have come to accept it because I have come to accept this way of being within myself. I no longer worry because I feel so much more love for myself now.
It is gorgeous to read of the power of choosing to live and embrace a different way of being. We deserve nothing less than one that is more loving, gentle, enjoyable, true, honest, self-caring, nurturing and loving – this is a truly beautiful foundation to create and live each step from.
Being the odd one out is ok if that means truly looking after yourself. I haven’t been drinking for quite some time and people around me accept it if I accept it and don’t feel weird about it. Feeling weird about it just means we are focusing too much on what other people think of us. If we love looking after ourselves it’s important to claim this and feel comfortable with it so others can also feel how great it is to honour what the body is communicating with us.
When I was in high school I made a decision, I summed up that I had more chance of climbing on the popularity ladder being one of the boys than I did if I remained a girl. This ‘judgment call’ came due to observing my older sister and her friends. They were a group of 5 girls who were all extremely attractive and in my eyes because of their looks automatically went to the top of the social ladder,
I didn’t think I was ugly but I was not in that league and so I would have to win the crowds over in other ways. Firstly, footy and basketball, I had to be better than the boys to earn their respect. Then drinking and music, I had to be able to drink them under the table to be worthy and not just be another girly girl and make sure they believed that I liked heavy metal music the screamed and thrashed the entire time.
Well my plan worked and I was very popular, with everyone, especially the boys, after high school I did the same things in pubs but at the end of the day your body is the marker of all truth and my body was destroyed, I hated being alone and had major self worth issues and was general unhappy. I have also come back to the woman I am through the amazing presentations of Serge Benhayon. I can honestly say I am loving life, feeling great and I am forever grateful.
For me it is a wonder. After all we’ve done to ourselves by drinking poison, eating against our wellbeing and acting in a dishonoring and abusive way – the beautiful, delicate, tender, lovingly and divine being we are original are is still there, waiting for us to be appreciated & expressed again. How blessed we are. All it needs is to take responsibility about our choices.
What an amazing Article! Thank you for sharing this, one thing I have noticed with loving choices is that the more loving choices we make towards ourselves, the more loving the world gives us back.
So true, I have noticed that too. We have to be the change we want to see in the world with no attachment to the world reflecting that back to us because, when we can live with that freedom, there are pockets of Love that reflect back to us the Love we are, and that we are all made of.
Thank you Rebecca for so honestly sharing the amazing changes that you have made in your life, listening to your body and its wisdom and being gentle and tender with the beautiful woman who was hiding amongst the lads.
What you have shared Rebecca is a little miracle – you have changed your whole life and now you are a living testimonial that taking true responsibility is the best medicine ever.
Rebecca, your story shows how our body is constantly giving us messages about how we are treating it but that we can override this to listen instead to the familiar pattern of trying to ‘fit in’ with others. Serge Benhayon presents a way of living and listening to our body that offers true vitality and can be an inspiration to others to ‘fit in’ with the choices you are making so that they too can feel this vitality.
Feeling the odd one out when you decide to give up alcohol, particularly when friendships have been cemented in the stuff, can be quite isolating. But as you say, after a while, people begin to clock the difference in your vitality and sparkle and put two and two together. So we actually end up being a source of inspiration – and courage – for others, if they so choose. To me, the isolation and odd-ball branding is a small price to pay for honouring what my body truly knows is good for it and needed – and responding by nurturing it accordingly rather than blindly following others in order to fit in and be accepted. The body always knows best and as its the vehicle in which we’re housed and taken around to all our life’s experiences in, it behoves us to take the very best care of it. But that’s a choice and one we’re all free to make or not. It’s up to us.
Rebecca thank you for sharing how you developed your self-care, and built up your self-worth to become the gorgeous woman you are.
Beautiful sharing… indeed you are not one of the lads but a gorgeous woman. FACT.
However the lad mentality for men isn’t true either because men are naturally tender and delicate.
So, on many levels, of course being one of the lads as a woman isn’t right because it isn’t right for men either.
So true Luke. How crazy is it when women join the “lads” at their game and that game is false in itself!
Awesome Rebecca. That good old saying “you get to know who your friends are” if they stick around when you start making self loving and caring choices 😉 Haha but it’s true, means they love being with you and not all the stuff you do.
Yes, friends that stay friends when you make self-loving choices, love you for who you are, not for joining them in whatever they are doing. It also sometimes means they allow themselves to feel what the consequences are of their choices and are inspired by your choices.
Rebecca, I fitted into the male equivalent of wanting to ‘fit in’ drinking alcohol and vomiting, “I wasn’t digesting food properly and I had constant diarrhea”. So 22 years ago I stopped all drugs, which resulted in my friends dropping off. Until I attended the presentations of Serge Benhayon, which allowed me to see the underlying cause behind the alcohol and drugs, my digestive problems along with diarrhea still persisted.
Rebecca, amazing choices for an amazing lady – well done!
What a transformation Rebecca! The stress of trying to fit the image of what we think others want or will find interesting, fun, smart etc are all part of the games we play with ourselves in our quest for recognition, acceptance and to fill the emptiness inside. Yet the price of this behaviour is high and as you point out Rebecca, there is something so much more glorious waiting for us if we let go of that and take heed of what is natural for our bodies and our own rhythms.
Lovely and inspiring to hear how your choices have changed your life – thank you for sharing Rebecca.
How many women of today hide their absolute gorgeousness behind behaviours, their busyness and even their unflattering clothes? A lack of self worth is almost like a plague for women these days. The feelings of having to achieve, having to be equal to men, having to be, do and have it all is so overwhelming the last thing a women feels like doing is claiming how gorgeous they are as well. I love how you have shared your transformation Rebecca, it was a joy to read and an inspiration for all women.
This takes me back to my teens and early twenties when I wanted to be one of the lads too. I didn’t try to do it by actually being a lad, I still kept some of my femininity, I did it by writing off other women, having mostly male friends and thinking that women were annoying. I could not see the true beauty in being a woman and what women offer. I am a woman and when I am not the full woman I am, everyone misses out. The world doesn’t need someone who is trying to be something they are not. The world, and everyone in it, needs us all to be who we are.
Wow Rebecca. Thank you for sharing, beautifully inspiring. Knowing you today I can certainly attest to the gorgeous and utterly tender and caring woman that you are. So wonderful that the world gets to feel and experience your grace. With love
The way of being that nurtures and deeply cares for our bodies, what we feed them and how we move them – there is no greater party than that, all day every day, day after day! Truly inspiring.
Such a beautiful and simple sharing, thank you Rebecca, what a pleasure to read your blog. I hope to meet you one day.
Rebecca, I loved how you put it so simply that relationships can improve due to us having ‘a lot more energy, so [we’re] able to love and support [our] family and friends more.’ Such a great insight.
So true. A simple but really profound realisation. There are so many simple things that impact our daily lives and relationships that we skim over and ignore. By bringing awareness to the small details of how we are living big shifts occur in quality of how we are living. It goes to show that change does not have to be a complicated and arduous struggle.
How many of us are putting effort into ‘being one of the lads’? It means laddish behaviour gets confirmed – drinking, staying up late, disregard, etc. and there is no loving, caring reflection for others. Our friends, and the world and most of all ourselves lose out on the natural gorgeousness we have to offer if we continue with this trend.
“I realised that I wasn’t one of the lads, I was actually a gorgeous woman”- this really made me smile. Something so obvious, yet we invest so much energy not to feel this truth. I have been there, too.
It is great to hear about the amazing changes that you have made in your life and how that is inspiring other people to see that they too have a choice to make changes should they so wish.
The fascinating thing I experience with people from Universal Medicine, is how self-care and self-worth is naturally there. It is not something that I must learn and find outside of me. It is more about allowing to let something be, that has a natural tendency to unfold.
Wonderful to read about the changes you have gone through Rebecca, and that you are now honouring and embracing your gorgeousness as a woman.
Beautiful Rebecca. Much to celebrate in your transformation!! What I found quite interesting was the fact that you only realised the effects of alcohol when you stop the other two streams of malaise in your body that also harmed you. This may be a more general problem: people reacting to what they eat and drink but not really being able to say what is causing them not no feel well and accepting that not feeling well is only natural since there are so many others that go through the same. It takes courage to get off the train so to speak and face your ill being head on.
Just gorgeous. The changes you have made are inspirational.
Thank you for a beautiful and inspiring blog Rebecca, when we choose to self care and listen to our bodies lovingly, how simple and amazing these changes can be.
It is astounding the unloving things we can do to ourselves from a lack of self-worth to fit in, to feel like we belong or think that we will be loved. I too have walked in this way. But what I find truly amazing and inspiring about your story is how you held on to your truth, the truth of how you were feeling in your body as you gave up drinking alcohol even though your social life began to change with the alienation that you felt from your friends. And through this truth has emerged the gorgeous woman that you are. Just beautiful.
Very true. There was every excuse available for you to continue drinking but you had a strength within you and you honoured yourself. Not an easy thing to do.
A very honest and very inspiring blog, of a loving journey of returning home to oneself. Thank you for sharing Rebecca..
It’s incredible the compromises I/we make to fit in. I remember making myself ill countless times through drinking too much. Once maybe, but why repeat it?! It’s been a game changer being encouraged by the Universal Medicine presentations, to delve deeper into the why and allowed me an opportunity to make significant changes to the way I live.
Rebecca what a transformation, as someone that also had stomach and digestive issues before meeting Serge Benhayon its always great to reflect on the fact of receiving true support and the changes that I’ve then made and what a difference they have had.
Thank you Rebecca for sharing so honestly and I can really relate to living with a huge level of disregard for my body for many years. It has taken time to unwind the patterns that led to this behaviour but I too am returning to ‘A more loving, more gentle, more enjoyable, true, honest way of being with self-care, nurturing and love’ and exploring the gorgeous woman I am. I now have the confidence to experiment with the way I dress and use make-up which I ignored for most of my life trying to keep up and be ‘one of the lads’.
It was really lovely to read your blog Rebecca – thank you. I can relate to so much you have shared, I always had a lot of disregard for my body – jumping out of planes, backpacking with half my possessions on my back, sleeping on the ground – etc!! Ultimately this was simply a low sense of self worth. Since beginning to really take care of what I eat, and how I sleep and everything I do the way I feel has changed dramatically, and I simply would not put myself in these positions again.
Thank you so much Rebecca – your honesty and your story is refreshing, simple and beautiful – it is very inspiring. Many women could relate to this I’m sure – I overrode my body as you did – playing and working hard and even exercising hard!!!! Even though I knew about ‘good health’ as a physiotherapist I didn’t realise how shut down from my delicate and natural tenderness I had become. Slowly I rediscovered this by being more gentle and loving in the way I was with myself and with others and clients, and slowly my body lost its hardness. Sometimes it was very challenging to let myself feel that inner delicate nature we all have but I realised it wasn’t a weakness and I wasn’t going to fall apart. I’m slowly loving being a woman again – and it’s so lovely to share this with other women – thank you again Rebecca.
Thank you Rebecca, I love the way you have expressed this with no holding back. It is amazing what we will do in life to fit into, to the point of illness and disease. Thanks again.
So lovely to read your words, Rebecca. And your embracing of the ‘gorgeous woman’ you are. I too partook of much ‘hard stuff’ on my body – looking for acceptance, and even thinking that that was the way to being treated equally! Your grace can be felt shining throughout every word. Very beautiful, thank you.
Beautifully expressed, thank you Rebecca. I love the simplicity and that what was (as I have experienced) a previous ‘normal’ to dis-regard the body with food, and harming ways, that you now share how truly (truthfully) normal it actually and practically is, to love ourselves, and our bodies.
Thanks Rebecca, yes I can relate with ‘being one of the boys’ or at least wanting to be just like them having grown up with two older brothers and not wanting to miss out, or to be just like them — as opposed to embracing the glory of the female and the woman. It is funny how through peer or family pressure we do not like to accept ourselves only because we want to fit in and be liked by others etc. – that is, that to compromise (make less, squeeze or reduce) self is a / the better deal?! But who actually ends up winning from this less-full choice – since each party is getting less than otherwise could be full!?! Makes sense then to be and to live to the best of our ability, the fullness of who we are.
Thanks for sharing this Rebecca. Through Serge’s presentations I too realised the way I was living was doing enormous damage to my body, and had little to do with being a woman. I used to override pretty much everything I felt or knew to be true deep down inside, and lived and worked like a man, incredibly hard and driven. I never honoured my natural loveliness. Changing old ways isn’t easy, and I’m not totally there yet, but I’m now living in a way that supports who I truly am – not who I thought I was or wanted to be. Seeking recognition and reward from the outside world, the things that were driving me, are no longer options. Life feels so much more joyful and gentle and now, for the first time, I’m enjoying being the woman I am.