How Universal Medicine Helped us save our Marriage

By A.S., UK

I am sure we are not alone in our story and many readers of this will be able to relate to it. My husband and I met when we were young – 18 and 19. We instantly ‘fell in love’ and were engaged at 19 and 20. We went through the usual dramas of ‘young love’ but felt pretty certain that we would choose to be together in the long term.

We had children pretty young as well. And in the midst of having kids, carving careers, renovating houses, further study and dealing with everyday life, we adopted a ‘mode’ – a coping strategy to help us deal with everything (with the help of wine and coffee and the rest).

When we came across Universal Medicine it rocked my world, because all the while I had been feeling that there must be more to life than this. I keenly started to make changes to look after myself better, started questioning the way we were doing things and genuinely wanted to learn how to live in a way where I was not always on the back foot, always tired and always looking to escape and check out from it all.

But my husband was sceptical to say the least, and initially did not like the magnifying glass being put on our lives by me. He did go along with it to a certain extent because he respected me and valued my opinion, but for him it was too much too soon. After a period of trying to convince him, I decided that the most important thing was for me to not force things.

After a few years, having been around Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and having observed everyone involved and the students at length, my husband started to take responsibility for his own choices a bit more and his own process of coming into a more honest relationship with himself ensued.

I would like to be able to say that at this point things improved, but in actual fact they got much worse, because with the increase in honesty we had to face the unloving choices we had made, individually and together, which had had a huge effect on our relationship, our kids, and our personal expression in our working lives. The hardest thing of all, as I’m sure many would agree, is to face what you have unknowingly done to your kids. How you have imposed your opinions on them, not met them when they needed you and been too busy with your own stuff.

For a while it felt like we were only being confronted by the ‘flaws’ of our relationship because so many patterns and ideals about how things should be in a family were being exposed. They were being exposed in that they stood out in contrast to the simple loving way of living we were coming to know through our connection to Serge, his family and other students of Universal Medicine.

It is very confronting to see that you could have lived in a more loving and natural way and have chosen not to. How we can complicate things, create dramas and relationships based on need and not on true respect and caring for one another.

To be honest, I was not convinced at one point whether our relationship would survive, but we stuck with it and gave each other the time and space to look at the issues that were coming up. As something else was revealed to us, we just worked through it one at a time. The relationships with other students and the Benhayon family in particular supported both of us immensely and it felt like we were held in that and had a constant reminder of what true love was and that it was there in us too all of the time.

I can say that it is mainly through this ongoing support that we were able to develop this strength within ourselves as individuals. Over time, both my husband and myself have independently come to the understanding that developing a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to being more open and in real relationships with others.

We are at the point now where we have a greater confidence in how we truly feel about things for ourselves and can hold this as a way of being. When we come together we have a new-found respect for each other, trusting that the other is equally committed to getting to the bottom of any issue that arises, that the other is equally dedicated to themselves and to having love in their lives and that the other is open to sharing that love.

Now that is a different way to be in relationship – there is now no need, no attachment, no ideals of how it ‘should’ be, just a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship and we are both open to bringing our love to the day with a newly reaffirmed commitment and togetherness.

57 thoughts on “How Universal Medicine Helped us save our Marriage

  1. I love how you steadily unpicked things as they came up, refining, and learning, and I love what you say “just a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship”, so refreshing.

  2. Relationships are a central tenet of all that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present. As you clearly state, a commitment to a relationship with yourself first is the necessary foundation upon which relationship with others can grow – a foundation all too often overlooked as ‘selfish’, ‘too hard’ or ‘unworthy’. Thank you for presenting how real and beneficial the building of that relationship has been for you and your family.

  3. Wow, this is what I call a love story and a gorgeous one at that, thank you for expressing the honesty behind your love story, and as you say you are not alone, my husband and I are also constantly working on and deepening our commitment to ourselves, and the reward for this is immeasurable, we get to enjoy each other in such profound ways very simply in our everyday living activities.

    1. I know for me I was always taught that too much attention on myself was selfish so I avoided it, bringing my focus to the outside world. However, I’ve been learning time and again, that if I am in good shape – present, alert, aware of how I am feeling about things, then that is an enormous gift to those I am in relationship with. They then get the real me.

  4. Thankyou AS for this refreshingly simple and honest sharing of the development of your relationship. What you and your partner are learning along the way is so applicable to us all in any relationship. I loved how you both stayed open to exploring whatever came up for you rather than try and “fix the problem”. I really appreciate how you both came to understand as Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have always presented that the fundamentals of any relationship is the quality of the loving relationship we have with ourselves.

  5. Thank you A.S., your words “For a while it felt like we were only being confronted by the ‘flaws’ of our relationship because so many patterns and ideals about how things should be in a family were being exposed” are so true. It can be an uncomfortable time, but you have brought the simplicity to it, it is not about fixing it – but about giving time and space to work together with whatever comes up. Your sharing will support many who have come to this place in their relationship.

  6. I love the realness of this blog, what you present is so true, without a relationship with ourselves first we cannot have a great quality of relationships with others, and relationships take a lot of work, but like you say, they are one billon percent worth it.

  7. Thank you for sharing so honestly about how your relationship has evolved since committing to the teachings of Universal Medicine. It is so inspiring to read about your transformation and beautiful to sum it up by describing the new way of being in a relationship that you have come to as ‘a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship and we are both open to bringing our love to the day with a newly reaffirmed commitment and togetherness.’

  8. What a cracking blog A.S. It’s so lovely to remember that this level of awareness with self will positively impact all of your relationships. For sure I too appreciate that when starting to choose a more loving way for your body the flaws are highlighted…but for me they are not flaws just lessons learnt and that has helped bring me back on track and I enjoy reflecting on that. Great blog, great healing for all.

  9. A very honest, open and inspiring sharing, on what is possible when we choose to grow with, and learn from our relationships.

    1. Yes, I feel the same too mccannelizabeth. I feel inspired from reading this blog to always see relationships that are challenging as a way to learn and grow from. By choosing to take responsibility and willingness to see what my part is in situations where challenges are raised, especially in relationships, certainly supports me to expand and grow.

  10. Funny, my relationship and introduction to Universal Medicine was almost exactly the same as the beginning of the blog – reading it was an inspiration and a reminder… that harmony is possible, and to gently and lovingly unpick the dramas and crises together to return to a much simpler way of living.

  11. Your trust and commitment to love is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your journey as I was deeply touched. ‘When we come together we have a new-found respect for each other, trusting that the other is equally committed to getting to the bottom of any issue that arises, that the other is equally dedicated to themselves and to having love in their lives and that the other is open to sharing that love.’ – I completely agree that this is a different way to be in a relationship, a beautiful way. Imagine if we all chose this way…

  12. Thank you AS for this great blog. I know very well the feeling of disarray that may happen within a relationship when we realise that it is not it, even if there is a clear feeling of moving forward. It is not a nice feeling just to be sure. Very difficult at times. To break very clearly established patterns and momentums as person and/or couple is as hard as a great thing to do.

  13. Thank you for sharing so honesty the evolution of your relationship and your commitment to yourselves and each other. The development and strength of your connection with love as the foundation is an inspiration to anyone in a relationship.

  14. The key phrase for me is: “developing a loving relationship with ourselves”. It is the very first step for true relationships and the first baby step that I got introduced to at Serge Benhayon’s presentations. Goodness, had I known this was only the beginning of heaven on earth!

  15. By “..developing a loving relationship with ourselves..” you and your husband have been able to build a stronger, deeper and more loving foundation for your relationship.
    Congratulations to you both.

  16. This is such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it. It’s very inspiring to read how you have kept your commitment to building a relationship based on love no matter what, and how your husband responded to your choices, and now it’s a beautiful team work.

    1. Great comment Fumiyo. Often when our relationships get tough we tend to want to walk away from it but from reading this blog it inspires us to know that this doesn’t always have to be the case as long as we are willing to work on what was not loving and have a willingness to make changes. Awesome to read that both A.S and her husband were willing to look at their relationship with a magnifying glass to enable them to make more loving choices to evolve.

  17. I can totally relate to having to learn to start loving and caring for myself, before being able to truly deal with unloving issues in my relationships. Thank you for a great blog.

  18. Super inspiring blog, I especially loved: ‘When we come together we have a new-found respect for each other, trusting that the other is equally committed to getting to the bottom of any issue that arises, that the other is equally dedicated to themselves and to having love in their lives and that the other is open to sharing that love’. A sound recipe I feel for all our relationships.

  19. This is beautiful and represents, if both parties of a relationship are willing to take responsibility and work on their own relationship to self , change is always possible. Thank you for this lived proof.

  20. A.S., I can relate to having unloving relationships (including the one with my husband) before coming across Serge Benhayon and his loving ways. My unloving relationships have also been exposed in that they stood out in contrast to the simple, loving way of living I have come to know through my connection to Serge, his family and other students of Universal Medicine. I loved the line you shared about learning to stay open to what comes up, rather than try and ‘fix’ things. This feels like a wisdom for me to embody.

  21. A.S. it feels like what you have shared here is something that many of us can relate to. I find myself currently in the process of really feeling those unloving choices I have been making and it isn’t always an easy path to choose to take responsibility. Reading your blog has given me a moment to pause and really feel that while it isn’t always easy it is so worth it. To begin to know that we can make loving choices and that these then can filter out to those around us is pretty amazing. Thank you for sharing your experience.

  22. Beautifully expressed A.S and I agree ‘….developing a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to being more open and in real relationships with others’.

    1. Thank you AS and Suse, love flows precisely in all directions but must first have a true source. So, if love is not truly known and is just given lip service, and not truly from within each individual first, then what flows is a stream of emotional attachments looking for something in return.

  23. Thanks for sharing so honestly your experience of working on your relationship. It is supportive to hear how difficult you found it initially, and how you steadily worked through the things that were coming up. I find our relationships with others reveal so much, and offer constant opportunities to learn.

  24. Thanks AS for sharing your relationship journey through becoming a student of Universal Medicine. I noted the experience you presented of learning to not try and force your partner to adopt what your were learning but instead was able to step back and let him find his own way. This can be hard when we really want others close to us to join the path we are on. Obviously it doesn’t work and it is so much more genuine when others see the reflection we present as we grow in deepening self love and awareness and then choose to explore more for themselves.

  25. One can not simply work on themselves, well at least not for a long time. I have found in my relationships my next step was to actively commit to my relationships with others. This is my development and I feel if I stuck purely on self development void of consideration of others I would be in a very different place to where I am today.

  26. ‘Now that is a different way to be in relationship – there is now no need, no attachment, no ideals of how it ‘should’ be, just a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life,’ – Beautifully said A.S. and it is obvious that Universal Medicine has truly supported you and your husband to deepen your love and commitment to each other.

    1. I don’t know of any other organisation apart from Universal Medicine that provides this kind of incredible support open to everyone, teaching us that there is certainly a another way to live that enriches our lives in everyway by embracing love and truth.

  27. AS that is a really inspiring story, and wonderful that you have come to the simplicity of: “a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship and we are both open to bringing our love to the day with a newly reaffirmed commitment and togetherness.”
    Soooo lovely.

  28. Thanks for sharing your own personal journey here – from the world of relationship based on need, attachment and ideals through to one that has at its foundation a deep commitment to loving yourselves and each other. It’s inspiring.

  29. Serge Benhayon has inspired me to develop a truly loving relationship with myself and with this my relationship with others has opened up and I no longer feel like an individual but a member of the family of humanity. In our immediate family as I learned to let go of the apron strings and allow everyone to be who they are the family unity grew and continues to grow in strength and love.

  30. Thank you for sharing the amazing changes to your life, relationship and choices. By choosing to stay open, honest and loving, our relationship can only thrive and evolve.

  31. Thank you AS for all you have shared here, I can relate to the complications we bring into relationships, particularly from neediness, ideals and beliefs, instead of the simple loving way of being that can be present. For me I feel learning to love me and relate to myself differently has had a very positive effect on my relationships. Seeing myself as complete and feeling the truth of this by discarding beliefs, appreciating myself, and regularly connecting to my inner heart with the Gentle Breath Meditation have changed the way I am in relationships. The change had to come from me first.

  32. This is great to read, and feel the commitment that is there to unravel the issues that come up, showing of the true love for eachother and yourself.

  33. Wow what you both chose for yourselves now has a ripple affect on your children, family, work places and everyone you meet. Your commitment to being love with yourself and then bringing that love to your relationships is very inspiring.

  34. Thank you AS for a really great sharing it is beautiful to see family lives changed through coming to Universal Medicine and adopting the truth that we are love and bringing that into family life, with true commitment to be love in all that we do.

  35. Love what you share here A.S. “I would like to be able to say that at this point things improved, but in actual fact they got much worse, because with the increase in honesty we had to face the unloving choices we had made, individually and together, which had had a huge effect on our relationship, our kids, and our personal expression in our working lives.” I just can agree and relate here from own experiences. To face my unlovingly choices and especially the effects of those on others is a hard pill to swallow. But, it is the only way to digest this as well and than learn out of it and …choose different. This is what brought my partner and me more close together and brought as well more intimacy into our relationship.

  36. Thank you for sharing the reality of getting honest and addressing choices from a place of deep love, trust and respect… showing how it can be more than worth the dedication when the end result is a relationship free of all that poison and an unwavering commitment to be and bring more love.

  37. It’s amazing what level of detail we begin to see when we put a magnifying glass over our lives. I completely understand your husbands discomfort and reluctance to do this A.S. as it is in the exposure of these details that the issues we have been trying to ignore and bury hide.

  38. I have no doubt Universal Medicine principles will change the world because, our children will grow up differently from the possibility of not being imposed upon instead nurtured and cared for to be in their essence.

  39. The power and beauty of the esoteric to expose the what is not to then live the power of truth. “As something else was revealed to us, we just worked through it one at a time.” Very inspiring A.S. and simple approach is a very loving approach that will result in “Over time, both my husband and myself have independently come to the understanding that developing a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to being more open and in real relationships with others.”

  40. The way this relationship has unfolded shows that deep down even in the midst of the many “wrongs” that were experienced there was a steady commitment and trust of each other. What it exposes is how little the very values we aspire to in human life are lived in truth, and how when one again commits to these values, relationships have the opportunity to grow.

  41. I like how you point out that at first things seemed to be worse. We expect that when we are willing to look at things and take better care of ourselves that we will immediately feel better or at least should not feel worse than before, but the reality is often that at first things seem to be worse or not so good as we become aware of so many things we didn’t want to see before, and too, as we allow more spaciousness in our bodies all the tightness and holding onto is being released possibly causing some discomfort.

  42. I had such an inspiring learning today about relationships. You know how when someone is having a tricky time of it and really get stuck into their struggle – well it can be hard to watch and also, if we’re very close to that person we can react to their reaction further adding to and escalating the ‘issue’. This can bring up frustration, resentment etc. in the one who sees the other as the cause of their hurt, discomfort, reaction. But what if the ‘issue’ that is being presented by the other is actually an amazing opportunity for BOTH of us to heal some long-held hurts so our relationship can deepen and evolve. Doesn’t that just go and turn everything on it’s head!

  43. This article shows first and foremost the love and respect that is there in this relationship. It is a joy to read how this has held as each has grown and changed to live the foundation that was there at the start.

  44. We do not need to try and force anything onto anyone which I have come to realise after my fair share of trying to convince and controlling others. In fact this forceful energy sends them in the opposite direction. As I make my focus about being present and connecting to my body making life about the quality of energy I am in, the less need there is for another to be a certain way. It really is about being with me in everything I do, my livingness and lovingly allowing another to make their own choices in how they choose to be and live.

  45. I love what you have shared about Universal Medicine supporting you to save your marriage, when there has been so many lies written by some of the Media falsely claiming Serge Benhayon breaks up marriages it is beautiful to read about the true love and support we all know Serge shares with everyone to always deepen the love and be open and trusting in all of our relationships.

  46. Developing a relationship founded on truth and openness exposes many of the long held ideals and beliefs and calls for a responsibility to express all that you are feeling and are increasingly aware of that gets in the way of a true and loving relationship.

  47. “It is very confronting to see that you could have lived in a more loving and natural way and have chosen not to.” I agree this is a big one but then we need to start at some point to make the change otherwise we will continue to live in the same unloving way.

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