By A.S., UK
I am sure we are not alone in our story and many readers of this will be able to relate to it. My husband and I met when we were young – 18 and 19. We instantly ‘fell in love’ and were engaged at 19 and 20. We went through the usual dramas of ‘young love’ but felt pretty certain that we would choose to be together in the long term.
We had children pretty young as well. And in the midst of having kids, carving careers, renovating houses, further study and dealing with everyday life, we adopted a ‘mode’ – a coping strategy to help us deal with everything (with the help of wine and coffee and the rest).
When we came across Universal Medicine it rocked my world, because all the while I had been feeling that there must be more to life than this. I keenly started to make changes to look after myself better, started questioning the way we were doing things and genuinely wanted to learn how to live in a way where I was not always on the back foot, always tired and always looking to escape and check out from it all.
But my husband was sceptical to say the least, and initially did not like the magnifying glass being put on our lives by me. He did go along with it to a certain extent because he respected me and valued my opinion, but for him it was too much too soon. After a period of trying to convince him, I decided that the most important thing was for me to not force things.
After a few years, having been around Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and having observed everyone involved and the students at length, my husband started to take responsibility for his own choices a bit more and his own process of coming into a more honest relationship with himself ensued.
I would like to be able to say that at this point things improved, but in actual fact they got much worse, because with the increase in honesty we had to face the unloving choices we had made, individually and together, which had had a huge effect on our relationship, our kids, and our personal expression in our working lives. The hardest thing of all, as I’m sure many would agree, is to face what you have unknowingly done to your kids. How you have imposed your opinions on them, not met them when they needed you and been too busy with your own stuff.
For a while it felt like we were only being confronted by the ‘flaws’ of our relationship because so many patterns and ideals about how things should be in a family were being exposed. They were being exposed in that they stood out in contrast to the simple loving way of living we were coming to know through our connection to Serge, his family and other students of Universal Medicine.
It is very confronting to see that you could have lived in a more loving and natural way and have chosen not to. How we can complicate things, create dramas and relationships based on need and not on true respect and caring for one another.
To be honest, I was not convinced at one point whether our relationship would survive, but we stuck with it and gave each other the time and space to look at the issues that were coming up. As something else was revealed to us, we just worked through it one at a time. The relationships with other students and the Benhayon family in particular supported both of us immensely and it felt like we were held in that and had a constant reminder of what true love was and that it was there in us too all of the time.
I can say that it is mainly through this ongoing support that we were able to develop this strength within ourselves as individuals. Over time, both my husband and myself have independently come to the understanding that developing a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to being more open and in real relationships with others.
We are at the point now where we have a greater confidence in how we truly feel about things for ourselves and can hold this as a way of being. When we come together we have a new-found respect for each other, trusting that the other is equally committed to getting to the bottom of any issue that arises, that the other is equally dedicated to themselves and to having love in their lives and that the other is open to sharing that love.
Now that is a different way to be in relationship – there is now no need, no attachment, no ideals of how it ‘should’ be, just a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship and we are both open to bringing our love to the day with a newly reaffirmed commitment and togetherness.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
We can learn so much from our relationships if we choose to evolve and be open as AS did in her life, a very inspiring sharing.
The relationship we have with ourselves is foundational for all other relationships, ‘ the understanding that developing a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to being more open and in real relationships with others.’
“It is very confronting to see that you could have lived in a more loving and natural way and have chosen not to” – absolutely, and it is only by making different, truer choices we undo and reimprint what does not belong.
There is always a balance between ugliness and beauty, how much of them gets to be in-posed and gets ex-posed
Such level of commitment to honestly revise what is not loving in yourself and your relationship, is what has brought you both back to love. And as you said, things got worse but in the end improved, because you needed to change the old foundations into a new ones and this takes its time. What a great example of what is possible to go through a relationship..
I would agree that it can be very uncomfortable to face the honest reality of how we have been living and whether it is truly working or not but well worth doing for in that honesty there can be great changes and shifts which in the end results in us getting closer to living the lives we want to live and deep down we now we deserve.
Relationships can seem to become very comfortable, yet it is often because one or the other is more allowing over certain things and it yo-yo’s that way most of the time, yet when we start to bring honesty and truth into the relationship it starts to unravel all the things you have said yes to in the relationship that we would now say no to, and slowly the relationship turns into one based on honesty and love, which then becomes far deeper than before.
When you are in a long-term relationship with someone else, you enter in a pattern of movement. It gets you where it gets you. With it, you move either upwards, downwards or sideward. If the movement is not upwards, the level of tension may turn to be quite something and our known ways of coping may not serve us any longer. In situations like that, when you introduce a more loving personal movement, the collective one does no longer hold the same grip on you as before. You can depart from it. The teachings of Universal Medicine are inspirational but also transformational.
Thank you for sharing so honestly how you deal with your relationships. What I love most is to feel your steady work and commitment to work your issues through and leave each other the space to do so. That is something most people are not willing to do.
What you describe sound perhaps quite ordinary or obvious but it is actually quite rare and wonderful what you have done!
It seems that to face the truth is difficult. But let’s face it too live in denial or ignorance of the truth is much more difficult.
Honesty does indeed expose our flaws and imperfections which can leave us feeling raw and vulnerable. But in that process if we don’t get caught in the mentality of beating ourselves up it also opens us to the opportunity to heal and confirm our strengths and what choices we made that we were and are loving for us and have supported us to get to where we are today.
This article does not hold back from owning how difficult it can be to face our own unloving ways, but how can we begin to stop them until we feel the true harm they bring?
Thanks for this absolutely beautiful wisdom you share: “ . . . just a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life”. This is the simplicity I need to return to with-in myself, ever so gently and lovingly.
Also, what I know from experience that doesn’t work…is hearing something you feel is true, and wanting the other person to put it into practice before you do. THAT DOES NOT WORK. For anyone to ever be truly inspired, it has to come from your commitment to yourself first. Forcing anything is the perfect recipe for pushing people away. We must always start with ourselves first.
Talk about the best relationship advice and counselling one can get. It’s amazing how powerful we are when we commit to ourselves and appreciate what we offer. It’s like anything is possible.
Yes, that commitment to ourselves means that we will be ready to deal with whatever comes up. Great point.
‘It is very confronting to see that you could have lived in a more loving and natural way and have chosen not to.’ – I totally agree. To see and know that our lives are the product of all of our choices can be pretty full-on.. but it’s also the most empowering thing in the world because if we created a mess, then we also have the ability to start to choose a different way, and un-do the mess we got ourselves into, just by making choices to live life more simply, with less complication and drama, addressing one thing at a time.
Thank you AS, I enjoyed the openness and honesty with which you expressed. This is so true “How we can complicate things, create dramas and relationships based on need and not on true respect and caring for one another.” That simplicity of respect and care can be something we are dedicated to and learn about our whole lives. I am understanding respect in such a greater depth thanks to the workshops of Universal Medicine, that respect also involves giving people space to make their own choices and to do so in their own time, and not imposing our own ideas onto others about how it should be.
From “it is very confronting to see that you could have lived in a more loving and natural way and have chosen not to” to “there is now no need, no attachment, no ideals of how it ‘should’ be, just a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship” – very beautiful and inspiring to feel the expanding spaciousness in the way you are with yourself. Thank you for sharing with such honesty.
“Over time, both my husband and myself have independently come to the understanding that developing a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to being more open and in real relationships with others.” . . . as we reclaim a more self loving approach to life and become more real in our expression it can seem challenging to others at first. But this has the potential to change all relationships from being arrangements to ‘not rock the boat’ to true relationships. It can be a make or break situation for the other either wants a true relationship also or not.
I really enjoyed reading your blog and how the relationship with your husband has evolved alongside the changes in your relationships with yourself. Change can feel threatening, and I relate to the feelings of uncertainty when a partner starts to do something differently.
“It is very confronting to see that you could have lived in a more loving and natural way and have chosen not to.” I agree this is a big one but then we need to start at some point to make the change otherwise we will continue to live in the same unloving way.
The true quality of love exposes so much, it can at times feel challenging but we can also approach past unloving choices with understanding.
Developing a relationship founded on truth and openness exposes many of the long held ideals and beliefs and calls for a responsibility to express all that you are feeling and are increasingly aware of that gets in the way of a true and loving relationship.
I love what you have shared about Universal Medicine supporting you to save your marriage, when there has been so many lies written by some of the Media falsely claiming Serge Benhayon breaks up marriages it is beautiful to read about the true love and support we all know Serge shares with everyone to always deepen the love and be open and trusting in all of our relationships.
It is great to have the truth presented, I have seen many relationships go to a deeper level as a result of what Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine share.
We do not need to try and force anything onto anyone which I have come to realise after my fair share of trying to convince and controlling others. In fact this forceful energy sends them in the opposite direction. As I make my focus about being present and connecting to my body making life about the quality of energy I am in, the less need there is for another to be a certain way. It really is about being with me in everything I do, my livingness and lovingly allowing another to make their own choices in how they choose to be and live.
This article shows first and foremost the love and respect that is there in this relationship. It is a joy to read how this has held as each has grown and changed to live the foundation that was there at the start.
I had such an inspiring learning today about relationships. You know how when someone is having a tricky time of it and really get stuck into their struggle – well it can be hard to watch and also, if we’re very close to that person we can react to their reaction further adding to and escalating the ‘issue’. This can bring up frustration, resentment etc. in the one who sees the other as the cause of their hurt, discomfort, reaction. But what if the ‘issue’ that is being presented by the other is actually an amazing opportunity for BOTH of us to heal some long-held hurts so our relationship can deepen and evolve. Doesn’t that just go and turn everything on it’s head!
I like how you point out that at first things seemed to be worse. We expect that when we are willing to look at things and take better care of ourselves that we will immediately feel better or at least should not feel worse than before, but the reality is often that at first things seem to be worse or not so good as we become aware of so many things we didn’t want to see before, and too, as we allow more spaciousness in our bodies all the tightness and holding onto is being released possibly causing some discomfort.
The way this relationship has unfolded shows that deep down even in the midst of the many “wrongs” that were experienced there was a steady commitment and trust of each other. What it exposes is how little the very values we aspire to in human life are lived in truth, and how when one again commits to these values, relationships have the opportunity to grow.
The power and beauty of the esoteric to expose the what is not to then live the power of truth. “As something else was revealed to us, we just worked through it one at a time.” Very inspiring A.S. and simple approach is a very loving approach that will result in “Over time, both my husband and myself have independently come to the understanding that developing a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to being more open and in real relationships with others.”
I have no doubt Universal Medicine principles will change the world because, our children will grow up differently from the possibility of not being imposed upon instead nurtured and cared for to be in their essence.
It’s amazing what level of detail we begin to see when we put a magnifying glass over our lives. I completely understand your husbands discomfort and reluctance to do this A.S. as it is in the exposure of these details that the issues we have been trying to ignore and bury hide.
Thank you for sharing the reality of getting honest and addressing choices from a place of deep love, trust and respect… showing how it can be more than worth the dedication when the end result is a relationship free of all that poison and an unwavering commitment to be and bring more love.
A very healthy approach to life and relationships I must say. Should be made into an at hand relationship guide book.
Love what you share here A.S. “I would like to be able to say that at this point things improved, but in actual fact they got much worse, because with the increase in honesty we had to face the unloving choices we had made, individually and together, which had had a huge effect on our relationship, our kids, and our personal expression in our working lives.” I just can agree and relate here from own experiences. To face my unlovingly choices and especially the effects of those on others is a hard pill to swallow. But, it is the only way to digest this as well and than learn out of it and …choose different. This is what brought my partner and me more close together and brought as well more intimacy into our relationship.
Thank you AS for a really great sharing it is beautiful to see family lives changed through coming to Universal Medicine and adopting the truth that we are love and bringing that into family life, with true commitment to be love in all that we do.
Wow what you both chose for yourselves now has a ripple affect on your children, family, work places and everyone you meet. Your commitment to being love with yourself and then bringing that love to your relationships is very inspiring.
This is great to read, and feel the commitment that is there to unravel the issues that come up, showing of the true love for eachother and yourself.
Thank you AS for all you have shared here, I can relate to the complications we bring into relationships, particularly from neediness, ideals and beliefs, instead of the simple loving way of being that can be present. For me I feel learning to love me and relate to myself differently has had a very positive effect on my relationships. Seeing myself as complete and feeling the truth of this by discarding beliefs, appreciating myself, and regularly connecting to my inner heart with the Gentle Breath Meditation have changed the way I am in relationships. The change had to come from me first.
Thank you for sharing the amazing changes to your life, relationship and choices. By choosing to stay open, honest and loving, our relationship can only thrive and evolve.
Serge Benhayon has inspired me to develop a truly loving relationship with myself and with this my relationship with others has opened up and I no longer feel like an individual but a member of the family of humanity. In our immediate family as I learned to let go of the apron strings and allow everyone to be who they are the family unity grew and continues to grow in strength and love.
Thanks for sharing your own personal journey here – from the world of relationship based on need, attachment and ideals through to one that has at its foundation a deep commitment to loving yourselves and each other. It’s inspiring.
AS that is a really inspiring story, and wonderful that you have come to the simplicity of: “a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship and we are both open to bringing our love to the day with a newly reaffirmed commitment and togetherness.”
Soooo lovely.
‘Now that is a different way to be in relationship – there is now no need, no attachment, no ideals of how it ‘should’ be, just a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life,’ – Beautifully said A.S. and it is obvious that Universal Medicine has truly supported you and your husband to deepen your love and commitment to each other.
I don’t know of any other organisation apart from Universal Medicine that provides this kind of incredible support open to everyone, teaching us that there is certainly a another way to live that enriches our lives in everyway by embracing love and truth.
One can not simply work on themselves, well at least not for a long time. I have found in my relationships my next step was to actively commit to my relationships with others. This is my development and I feel if I stuck purely on self development void of consideration of others I would be in a very different place to where I am today.
True Luke. One cannot evolve without the other.
Thanks AS for sharing your relationship journey through becoming a student of Universal Medicine. I noted the experience you presented of learning to not try and force your partner to adopt what your were learning but instead was able to step back and let him find his own way. This can be hard when we really want others close to us to join the path we are on. Obviously it doesn’t work and it is so much more genuine when others see the reflection we present as we grow in deepening self love and awareness and then choose to explore more for themselves.
Thanks for sharing so honestly your experience of working on your relationship. It is supportive to hear how difficult you found it initially, and how you steadily worked through the things that were coming up. I find our relationships with others reveal so much, and offer constant opportunities to learn.
Beautifully expressed A.S and I agree ‘….developing a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to being more open and in real relationships with others’.
Thank you AS and Suse, love flows precisely in all directions but must first have a true source. So, if love is not truly known and is just given lip service, and not truly from within each individual first, then what flows is a stream of emotional attachments looking for something in return.
A.S. it feels like what you have shared here is something that many of us can relate to. I find myself currently in the process of really feeling those unloving choices I have been making and it isn’t always an easy path to choose to take responsibility. Reading your blog has given me a moment to pause and really feel that while it isn’t always easy it is so worth it. To begin to know that we can make loving choices and that these then can filter out to those around us is pretty amazing. Thank you for sharing your experience.
A.S., I can relate to having unloving relationships (including the one with my husband) before coming across Serge Benhayon and his loving ways. My unloving relationships have also been exposed in that they stood out in contrast to the simple, loving way of living I have come to know through my connection to Serge, his family and other students of Universal Medicine. I loved the line you shared about learning to stay open to what comes up, rather than try and ‘fix’ things. This feels like a wisdom for me to embody.
This is beautiful and represents, if both parties of a relationship are willing to take responsibility and work on their own relationship to self , change is always possible. Thank you for this lived proof.
Super inspiring blog, I especially loved: ‘When we come together we have a new-found respect for each other, trusting that the other is equally committed to getting to the bottom of any issue that arises, that the other is equally dedicated to themselves and to having love in their lives and that the other is open to sharing that love’. A sound recipe I feel for all our relationships.
I can totally relate to having to learn to start loving and caring for myself, before being able to truly deal with unloving issues in my relationships. Thank you for a great blog.
This is such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it. It’s very inspiring to read how you have kept your commitment to building a relationship based on love no matter what, and how your husband responded to your choices, and now it’s a beautiful team work.
Great comment Fumiyo. Often when our relationships get tough we tend to want to walk away from it but from reading this blog it inspires us to know that this doesn’t always have to be the case as long as we are willing to work on what was not loving and have a willingness to make changes. Awesome to read that both A.S and her husband were willing to look at their relationship with a magnifying glass to enable them to make more loving choices to evolve.
By “..developing a loving relationship with ourselves..” you and your husband have been able to build a stronger, deeper and more loving foundation for your relationship.
Congratulations to you both.
The key phrase for me is: “developing a loving relationship with ourselves”. It is the very first step for true relationships and the first baby step that I got introduced to at Serge Benhayon’s presentations. Goodness, had I known this was only the beginning of heaven on earth!
Thank you for sharing so honesty the evolution of your relationship and your commitment to yourselves and each other. The development and strength of your connection with love as the foundation is an inspiration to anyone in a relationship.
Thank you AS for this great blog. I know very well the feeling of disarray that may happen within a relationship when we realise that it is not it, even if there is a clear feeling of moving forward. It is not a nice feeling just to be sure. Very difficult at times. To break very clearly established patterns and momentums as person and/or couple is as hard as a great thing to do.
Thank you A.S for a lovely sharing of you and your family’s journey back to a true loving experience.
Your trust and commitment to love is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your journey as I was deeply touched. ‘When we come together we have a new-found respect for each other, trusting that the other is equally committed to getting to the bottom of any issue that arises, that the other is equally dedicated to themselves and to having love in their lives and that the other is open to sharing that love.’ – I completely agree that this is a different way to be in a relationship, a beautiful way. Imagine if we all chose this way…
Funny, my relationship and introduction to Universal Medicine was almost exactly the same as the beginning of the blog – reading it was an inspiration and a reminder… that harmony is possible, and to gently and lovingly unpick the dramas and crises together to return to a much simpler way of living.
A very honest, open and inspiring sharing, on what is possible when we choose to grow with, and learn from our relationships.
Yes, I feel the same too mccannelizabeth. I feel inspired from reading this blog to always see relationships that are challenging as a way to learn and grow from. By choosing to take responsibility and willingness to see what my part is in situations where challenges are raised, especially in relationships, certainly supports me to expand and grow.
What a cracking blog A.S. It’s so lovely to remember that this level of awareness with self will positively impact all of your relationships. For sure I too appreciate that when starting to choose a more loving way for your body the flaws are highlighted…but for me they are not flaws just lessons learnt and that has helped bring me back on track and I enjoy reflecting on that. Great blog, great healing for all.
Thank you for sharing so honestly about how your relationship has evolved since committing to the teachings of Universal Medicine. It is so inspiring to read about your transformation and beautiful to sum it up by describing the new way of being in a relationship that you have come to as ‘a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship and we are both open to bringing our love to the day with a newly reaffirmed commitment and togetherness.’
I love the realness of this blog, what you present is so true, without a relationship with ourselves first we cannot have a great quality of relationships with others, and relationships take a lot of work, but like you say, they are one billon percent worth it.
Thankyou AS for this refreshingly simple and honest sharing of the development of your relationship. What you and your partner are learning along the way is so applicable to us all in any relationship. I loved how you both stayed open to exploring whatever came up for you rather than try and “fix the problem”. I really appreciate how you both came to understand as Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have always presented that the fundamentals of any relationship is the quality of the loving relationship we have with ourselves.
Wow, this is what I call a love story and a gorgeous one at that, thank you for expressing the honesty behind your love story, and as you say you are not alone, my husband and I are also constantly working on and deepening our commitment to ourselves, and the reward for this is immeasurable, we get to enjoy each other in such profound ways very simply in our everyday living activities.
I know for me I was always taught that too much attention on myself was selfish so I avoided it, bringing my focus to the outside world. However, I’ve been learning time and again, that if I am in good shape – present, alert, aware of how I am feeling about things, then that is an enormous gift to those I am in relationship with. They then get the real me.
Relationships are a central tenet of all that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present. As you clearly state, a commitment to a relationship with yourself first is the necessary foundation upon which relationship with others can grow – a foundation all too often overlooked as ‘selfish’, ‘too hard’ or ‘unworthy’. Thank you for presenting how real and beneficial the building of that relationship has been for you and your family.
Thank You for sharing your experience with Universal Medicine, it is amazing to see/feel the change in your life.
I love how you steadily unpicked things as they came up, refining, and learning, and I love what you say “just a daily exploration of what it feels like to be in life, in relationship”, so refreshing.
Hi There, thanks for sharing this, so inspiring to read the honesty you both opened to and how this has unfolded to benefit and support all of you.