Allowing the Tenderness Within

As a four year old girl I decided I wanted to play hockey. I wanted to be like my older brother – my Dad was proud of what he could do on a sporting field so I wanted him to be proud of me in the same way. I was given my first hockey stick and taught the basics then I joined a junior minkey team.

I was pretty good at the sport so I was put onto a hockey field at the age of 5. I realised that the tougher I became, the harder I could hit the ball, and the more willing I was to go in for a tackle without showing I was scared. My ability to get back up again after being taken out in a tackle without showing I was hurt was congratulated and earned me a lot of praise. I became quite good at any sport I tried.

At the age of 13, I had made it into the under 18 rowing team. A few years later, after trying discus for a few months, I was selected for the Pan Pacific Games for athletics and had also made it into the state schoolgirls hockey team. I was known as the powerhouse on the hockey field and no opposing team wanted to get in the way of any ball I hit. I remember one day another girl did get hit by a ball that I’d hit and had to be carried off the field. I was devastated that I had done that to someone, even though it wasn’t intentional, and couldn’t sleep for three days. After that I knew I didn’t want to bring that level of force onto a sporting field.

As a teenager I was confused, I ridiculed the ‘girly girls’ for being pathetic but there was also part of me wishing that I could sometimes show I was hurt or cry but I never did. I didn’t know how to be around boys because I didn’t think I was pretty enough so I just became one of them and threw myself into sport more and earned recognition this way but it was never enough.

In my mid 20s I was very overweight despite playing lots of sport and I also had the muscle definition of a man in some parts of my body. I was ashamed by this but also used this as an excuse to retreat from people and relationships. I didn’t like how I felt about myself and if any guy showed an interest I would instantly reject him thinking he was either ridiculing me or there was something really wrong with him if he was willing to accept me.

When I first heard Serge Benhayon present, “you need to be more fragile with yourself,” I was outraged. It was like a red rag to a bull, I wanted to take him down, like I would someone on a hockey field. It brought up such a fury in me and I thought he was asking me to be pathetic and I wanted to show him I was tough and could cope. I was surprised by how intense my reaction was.

It was not long after this that I had my first Esoteric Breast Massage. I dragged myself through the door as I was extremely embarrassed and did not want to go, but there was a part of me that just knew it was right. In this session I was treated with a tenderness that I had never before received in my life. After this I reacted and got angry, I did not want to feel all that was coming up, the way I had been with my body for many, many years. However, I could not argue with the physical changes in my body, I had always had very irregular or light and short periods, however after the Esoteric Breast Massage. it was like my body was releasing and I started to have more regular periods.

Despite how uncomfortable I was with what was coming up, I continued to have Esoteric Breast Massage.s. It took a while but I eventually stopped reacting in anger to them and started to accept that underneath that, my whole life I had been wanting to be fragile and tender with myself but I had never allowed that.

Over the period of a year and a half I lost 30 kilos, which I had never been able to do before even when I was playing sport and trying lots of different diets. My body shape changed also and so did the way I interacted with people, I was no longer as guarded. I am still in a process of re-learning how to nurture and treat my body with tenderness and care. While there may not be a proven scientific study behind it yet, I can use my body as my science and I simply cannot argue with the changes that have occurred in my body and in my life as a result of the support from Universal Medicine, its practitioners and healing modalities.

by Anon

270 thoughts on “Allowing the Tenderness Within

  1. A beautiful unfoldment, letting go of hardness and protection and allowing yourself to embrace fragility and tenderness.

  2. Allowing ourselves to feel our tenderness and vulnerability we realise that we are all equally tender and vulnerable under our imagined armour of protection.

  3. We get praised by showing we are not affected by pain, cruel words or setbacks. No wonder it is such an ingrained trait that many of us have to give the impression to not care. I catch myself doing this often, but will stew about the incident later. The hurts we pretend not to feel don’t go away.

  4. The process of developing nurturing is an ongoing one that evolves and deepens as we evolve and deepen our connection with ourselves.

  5. To begin to uncover the true tenderness and fragility we hold in our bodies is a gift and one that develops and deepens over time. Taking the time to stop and appreciate our tenderness especially in our simple daily tasks is a healing unto itself and can show us so much in terms of how we are feeling and connecting to our bodies day to day.

  6. We toughen up in order to live in a hard and often cruel world forgetting who we truly are and the constant support that is there if only we would pay more attention.

  7. It’s interesting how you say
    “While there may not be a proven scientific study behind it yet, I can use my body as my science and I simply cannot argue with the changes that have occurred in my body and in my life as a result of the support from Universal Medicine, its practitioners and healing modalities.”
    Our bodies can communicate so much to us if we are prepared to listen, and we are walking science laboratories we really don’t need a scientist to explain to us what is occurring within our bodies. But they do come in handy when we need support if our bodies become unwell and that then can become a great partnership between the knowing of one’s body and Western medicine to help it recover.

  8. I now know it’s the energy we choose that hardens the body. We then chose the things we do that continues the hardness.

  9. It’s beautiful how the body responds to joy, tenderness and sensitivity rather than strictness or discipline with dieting. It shows how loving and wise the body is, to know and respond to how we feel about ourselves, how we move and interact with others – it is all recorded in the body.

  10. Being tender is something in our society that has been almost banned.. Yet it is something we are naturallly capable of – every single person has it in them.. But we live in a society where it is almost rare to see a person, except a child, living tenderly. So what happend? How have we been shaped ? And how come we lost that naturally tender movement in our daily living? An interesting point..
    What have we allowed in that has now replaced our tenderness? Super important question.
    Lets ponder on this further..

  11. I am finding that letting go for protection is not an instant occurrence, it does take time as there are so many ways in which we protect ourselves from showing that we are sensitive, fragile, that we can be vulnerable and sense that this world we live in is not true. Universal Medicine is more than amazing in that it’s teaching by lived example that we need not protect ourselves from being aware of the lies and lovelessness.

  12. It never fails to amaze me how we think that protecting ourselves saves us from being hurt when in fact it is entrapping us in our hurt, in a self made prison, where we are stuck all the while missing out on life and having life miss out on us.

  13. My relationship with other woman has deeply changed since I had my first EBM, I am much more open and sweet with other women. I used to get rather disdainful of ‘girly girls’ I thought they were not strong and fussed, this was no doubt a judgement, because I was not starting from the appreciation of what they are sharing with me, but looking at what was not working. Often they were delicate, gentle with themselves, did not push their body further than they needed to, would go to bed etc…lots to learn hey…now I am open to these reflections with out the disdain, ti is lovely to appreciate what is offered for us to learn in the reflection from others.

  14. I wasn’t a big fan of contact sport growing up. I played it and was great at it but I couldn’t keep it up and most of the time I didn’t really look forward to playing it. Funnily enough I am now fitter, stronger and more flexible then ever before in my life and yet I don’t play any sport, I don’t even run. Some may dismiss this as I would have done previously and so I understand but for me sport didn’t support me. I didn’t like what I had to do I did it but before, during and after I never felt great I’d feel relieved it was over but never great. I remember clearly preparing for sport on the weekend and how anxious I got or before I went for a run the dread I felt but I would just put my head down and do it anyway. So what has changed? It’s as the article offers I just allowed more of the truth of how I am out and from there made choices on what to do next. This may sound simple, confusing or too hard and it’s possible it’s all of those but for me I knew something wasn’t right and deep down it had nothing to do with anyone else but more just the fact I was doing something my body wasn’t up for. I bought small changes into more parts of my life that followed the same line and before to long my body changed significantly and as I said I’m now fitter and more healthy then anytime previous in my life. It goes against everything sport says it is, for me it was unhealthy as I was mostly in pain, exhausted, injured and the list goes on.

  15. There is no proven scientific test needed to appreciate what you have shared here, Anon. All the proof needed is your body and your beingness – and you have given us the facts re the former, and we can feel the latter in what you have shared.

  16. It’s bizarre when you think about it: why on earth would we encourage very young girls to take up such a pursuit? I know you chose it Anon and you’ve explained beautifully why, but this aside, how is it we collectively think the roughness of sport is OK for anyone – young girl, young boy, teens, adult women and men? We’re all tender beings.

  17. Allowing tenderness – is accepting ourselves in full, surrendering to that.. This brings automatically the freedom and sets the tenderness free.. to come out of our body.

  18. This is beautiful. When I rejected being a woman, rejected love, wanted to do everything on my own believing I needn’t need any help, my periods stopped for two years. When I chose to be open to myself, to others and to me being a woman in the true sense, I am experiencing my periods again and my whole body shape changed from teenager back to having curves.

  19. Thank you Anon. It’s clear that most people are making choices based on gaining recognition. Collectively it is acceptable to settle for this rather than choose love. Recognition will never leave us feeling full and so love is the only real choice we have.

  20. This blog gives an in-depth understanding into why girls would put their bodies through such hardness through competitive sport – that being that lack of self-worth creates the gap that needs to be filled by something that will give one recognition for what they do… and the more extreme the better! Valuing ourselves, for who we are is a great start to then choose activities and movements that honour that instead of deny it.

  21. What a truly beautiful healing and blessing to read – how we can treat our body in another way that is actually loving and understanding. That holds no crutches or self-critique but a freedom to love.

  22. This story is a great example of how we mould ourselves away from our true self as we grow up. In the search for attention and praise (as a substitute for love) we are willing to sacrifice our true self. But luckily our body and being show the effects after a while and gently bring us back if we take heed.

  23. It’s very interesting how from a very young age so many girls seem to somehow work out they’d be better off being a boy.

  24. Since studying with universal medicine, I now understand the truth of emotions. There is so much judgement and shame around anger as it is seen as a ‘bad’ emotion and one that drives people away so there is little true understanding of anger. certainly I had never come across so much love in the understanding that anger is a way to protect sadness. With so much anger in the world, we can never express too much that there is a fragile and tender person behind all anger.

    1. Yes especially when faced with anger in another person or persons and being aware of the atrocities that are happening every day in the world knowing that sadness is underneath anger allows us more compassion and love in holding this person without condoning for a moment how they are expressing.

  25. This is an incredible story and a common one for kids trying to impress their parent(s). What I was inspired by was your dedication to keep going to have Esoteric Breast Massage despite it not being pleasant. This story also confirms to me that anger is not really about being angry. It is actually a protection we use so we don’t have to show our tenderness or fragility.

  26. Our body is our science and what it can teach us is not only invaluable but will one day, when sponsored science has run its course and been defrocked, so to speak, be accepted as the truth it is and has always been.

  27. There is so much more behind body shape and food. As you describe our whole attitude to life and how we are with ourselves in all plays a role in how our body shapes itself. We are creating our own body shape to face life.

  28. ‘ I can use my body as my science and I simply cannot argue with the changes that have occurred in my body and in my life as a result of the support from Universal Medicine, its practitioners and healing modalities.’ Witnessing and honouring the truth of our body – it’s simple really…

  29. As we slowly let go of the protective guards we set up around us that basically say keep out we begin to actually let others in and our interactions with them become far more meaningful and purposeful.

  30. This really is a testament to the power of re-connecting and allowing out our innate tenderness and sensitivity, something we may ridicule in others when we deny it in ourself but that deep down I’d say we all want to come back to.

  31. ‘Over the period of a year and a half I lost 30 kilos, which I had never been able to do before even when I was playing sport and trying lots of different diets. My body shape changed also and so did the way I interacted with people, I was no longer as guarded.’ Awesome Anon. It is the way we are, the way we live, that counts.

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