I met Serge Benhayon when I was 23. I had been in a relationship with a man that I deeply loved for about three years. Over those three years I noticed that I had closed off from many of my friends, starting with my male friends (to avoid my boyfriend getting jealous). When he drank it was common for him to be abusive and rough with me. Just over a year into our relationship my partner violently beat me up. He was so intoxicated he was calling me someone else’s name. He was shocked, ashamed and regretful of what he had done. After signing up for AA and anger management he told me he would do whatever it took to be with me. He came from a tough background, very different to mine. I had grown up being told I had the potential to be and do anything… he never had this so I gave him another chance. I wanted to show him that someone trusted that he could change. There was no way I was going to get angry, shut him out and blame him like everyone else. I knew my family and friends were trying to protect me by telling me not to do this, but all I could feel was how everyone had closed off and that they judged my partner.
When I first told Serge Benhayon about the relationship I was in, the abuse – and the way people around me had changed after it happened – he just listened to me, with an open heart. As I continued talking I could feel he wasn’t judging me or my partner. He then asked me a simple question, “Do you want to stay with…?” In that moment I felt so safe and held with love and support that I shared with Serge something I had dared not to share with others. I answered “no” (and cried and cried and cried). I could feel this was the most loving thing for us both, as the way we were with each other had to stop. I then shared with Serge how much I loved this man and felt an obligation to be loyal and stay with him. Serge replied, “Being loyal does not mean putting up with abuse”. This is true. Immediately I could feel how along the way I had misconstrued what it meant to be loyal.
After that session I stayed in the relationship for about another year, and things got worse. There was cheating, lies, miscarriages, break-ups, make-ups… it was really messy. I couldn’t believe the situation I found myself in. It was complete chaos. I was getting jealous of him! I was miserable and felt guilty whenever I upset him.
It took a while to cut the ties. When I left he wanted me back and was willing to change for me, but not for himself. I knew if he made changes for me they wouldn’t last, so I kept saying no, reminding him of the toxic cycles we allowed ourselves to be in when we were together. It was very challenging to keep saying no to someone I love. I learnt a lot about myself in this time.
I have no doubt my session with Serge contributed to this change in my life. Just to be clear, Serge never told me to leave my partner, he just asked me if I wanted to stay in the relationship, and said being loyal doesn’t mean putting up with abuse. I learnt how powerful we can be by just listening to someone without judging their choices. I could feel Serge wasn’t judging me or my partner, yet he didn’t hold back from stating the truth about the abuse not being ‘OK’. At the time I felt this was exactly what I needed to hear. I was willing to listen and feel what was true.
It was after my session with Serge Benhayon, that I slowly discovered I could love my partner and say no to the abuse… so that is what I did.
Five years later, my ex-partner would now be the first person to say that our breaking up was the best thing that ever happened to both of us. He has even thanked me for having had the courage to end it – that’s pretty amazing!