by Danielle Loveless
I recall being a very playful and joyful child, always wanting to have fun and play games, and anything could be made into a game. I also remember that something happened to this. I started to feel very sad, and I was confused as to why the rest of my family or world wasn’t the fun that I knew. I spent many hours laying under or in my bed crying for no reason other than ‘it hurts’. This crying went on until I was about 15 – then I toughened up to be an adult and do what everyone else was doing, to get on with life. I succeeded in everything possible in life – sports, school, boys, parties, alcohol, body image, the lot. I thought this was it and for nearly seven or eight years I never cried again. But that was it, I NEVER cried, not once, and I was very closed and unaffectionate. I never hugged people or felt comfortable when others hugged me. Instead I coped by partying very hard and working just as hard.
In my early 20’s I had a ‘quarter-life crisis’ – basically I had enough. I left my long-term relationship, took time off from my PhD, sold my house and moved. Within about a month I bumped into one man who was different. He was an accountant, and when I met him he hugged me. Later when I asked out of politeness how he was, he told me he was resting a lot, crying most evenings and getting used to a big change that had happened in his life. I was shocked that this stranger had honestly told me what was going on, and something so sensitive and personal. I knew in this moment that this guy was different. At the time I did not know that this man had been having Esoteric Healing and attending Universal Medicine courses for about 2-3 years.
At this point I was inspired to go deeper and look within. I was somewhat fearful of what I would find, and I cried and cried and cried for nearly 4-6 months. I cried about all the things in life that I did not understand, why others were also so unhappy underneath their smiles, why work seemed fake and no one wanted to do it, and why there was distance or separation in my family and friends even though we appeared to get along. I now realise the hurt that I felt deepest was that I felt this distance and separation in all of humanity – this still hurts now.
Seven years have now passed and I still often feel sad about how life seems around me, and I let myself cry. However, I now have some simple tools to deal with the deep hurts so they don’t get on top of me, but also so I don’t bury them down deep. I thank Universal Medicine for sharing with me these tools. For example, I now see that although life may not always feel very lovely, joyful or fun, I can connect to this lovely joy and fun on my inside (because I am this), and I don’t need the world to be this back to play with me. I understand that underneath another’s hardness they are lovely and playful just like me, but sometimes people reject this because of their own hurts about why others were not this lovely and joyful with them as a child.
So is life a set up? That we don’t get met in the loveliness we are as a child, because our parents have their own hurts, so we then feel hurt, bury our hurt and then can’t meet our own children for the loveliness that they are, and so on and so on. It felt like a set up for me until that accountant came along and met me from that loveliness that he chose for himself, so I had a moment to feel that I am still this. Yes, a complete stranger allowed me to open up and connect within, just because he had allowed himself to do the same. So someone must have done the same with him and someone before that person also, and so on and so on – the way life can truly be set up.
So I had my first profound healing and inner-connection at my accountant’s! Isn’t this saying something to how life is currently set up? It wasn’t any spiritual group, no church, no psychologist and not even in ten years of university. If there is any story to be told about the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, this is the true one. Serge is one of very few people I know who meet absolutely everyone equally from this lovely and amazing place, to another’s loveliness. He does this with absolute consistency and commitment to love for humanity, allowing people to feel they are the same. I thank him deeply for re-starting this cycle. I also thank my accountant who continues to do an amazing job with my tax with a warm and open heart.