Claiming my Way of Living

by Nico van Haastrecht, Warnsveld, The Netherlands

In 2006 I was presented with the Gentle Breath Meditation at a workshop with Chris James. At that time I was involved in several new age movements/modalities such as yoga, Steiner schools and a guru, and I visited ayahuasca (ayawaska) ceremonies – all in order to better my life, which I was not content with. I was missing the essence of life but could not grasp it at that time. I was desperately trying everything presented to me without first discerning where it came from.

Along with the gentle breath meditation, I started to read Serge Benhayon’s book ‘The Way It Is’. I felt a very strong connection with all that was presented by the book, it was like an “I know that” from deep within. Through reading the book and doing the gentle breath meditation, slowly, slowly I came into more connection with myself and allowed myself to feel what I felt.

The beginning was not easy because my wife started to react as I was providing her my love instead of fulfilling her needs, and for me there was no other way of being. I had my truth that I had to honour, and that for me was more precious than a relationship built on needs. She started to blame me for being selfish, not contributing etc. and I let her, accepting and appreciating who she was. Inspired by the way I was living my life, after about nine months she too started reading Serge’s book and listening to the audio presentations from Universal Medicine. I did not persuade her in any way but just inspired her by my way of living.

Later on our children also started to become more connected with their truth, which was not always easy because it required them to be honest with themselves, and to acknowledge the things they might have felt at the time but did not act on. It was also confronting to me as a parent, because I had told them, explicitly or implicitly, to do what I wanted them to do in exchange for my love and support.

After a few years I went to Serge Benhayon’s workshops in the UK where I learnt how it is to be in connection with a group of people living and expressing the same truth. The joy that that brings is amazing, since it unifies us as human beings. Instead of looking to another person’s skills and capabilities out of comparison, I could enjoy all the different aspects of human expression from other people that show us we are all important members of humanity. I do matter, and it is important that I am aware of that!

My life has improved considerably from where I started. I now enjoy life and feel a true purpose to it, instead of living towards goals that never, ever gave me true fulfilment when I met them. My life has become simpler, which for me as an engineer was, and is, challenging – as engineers we are expected to provide logical and complex solutions to the presented issues in life.

177 thoughts on “Claiming my Way of Living

  1. Gosh this line describes many a relationship – “It was also confronting to me as a parent, because I had told them, explicitly or implicitly, to do what I wanted them to do in exchange for my love and support.”

  2. When life is a pursuit, we can miss what is right in front of our noses – or in fact right within our hearts. What if all that we could ever wish for is already within us? What need would we have for goals, dreams and desires then?

  3. “…I learnt how it is to be in connection with a group of people living and expressing the same truth. The joy that that brings is amazing, since it unifies us as human beings.”
    I agree Nico, it is a very beautiful and joyful experience when people truly work together and seek harmony with each other – it is our true way forward to a healthy, balanced and productive way of life.

  4. . Simplicity in life – surely this has been sought, in its true essence, throughout our human history, and lived in truth by very few. This is no small thing at all, reflective of transformation and letting go of attachments in life at such deep levels. What an awesome thing to truly celebrate Nico.

  5. Our relationships – often with those closest – can surely be challenged, when any party goes through inner changes. Societally, we have been strongly programmed, if you will, to base our core relationships upon emotional need, as you’ve shared Nico. When one party starts to recognise and release these needs, dynamics change, ‘same old’ ways of being can be disrupted, and there can indeed be some reaction… Yet openness, honesty and true acceptance can pave the way to relationships founded in truth. There is most definitely a way to live together with each other where we hold back nought in being all that we are, and let go the plethora of dependencies we have been ‘taught’ are ‘normal’ – when really, they only hold us back…
    Thank-you for sharing what you have here.

  6. The key in life is to keep things simple, as I have learned that the more complex things get the more it shows how resistant I have been with myself and what I feel (denying it most of the time!). So it is beautiful to come back to simplicity and then feel yourself and the world.. Even though those feelings that rise up might be uncomfortable. Thank you Nico for sharing how you have claimed your Way of Living.

  7. It is beautiful to come to a place where you can let go of comparison and truly appreciate the many varied expressions of people and their importance in society, regardless of what they do and more so as an expression of who they are… embracing that and nothing less.

  8. “…I learnt how it is to be in connection with a group of people living and expressing the same truth. The joy that that brings is amazing, since it unifies us as human beings.” I understand how you feel Nico, I am living with a group of people who I learn from every day, who are living and expressing the same truth as me, this brings a lot of opportunities to learn and grow from each other always.

  9. Taking out the complexity and introducing a natural simplicity to life has changed my life dramatically too. I am no longer goal oriented – and if I do for whatever reason feel it sneaking back in, I can step back and observe it, noting how it really has no place in the flow of life.

  10. It can be very difficult when we stop providing for the emotional needs in a relationship. We have to deepen the love and care we have for ourselves in order to stand up for the truth in love for another. They may react and all the while it is our steadiness and consistency that count. I have much to learn here and find your blog supporting me at a very basic level. Thank you Nico.

  11. Thank you Nico, what an amazing turnaround. I am amazed by the way you inspired your family. This cannot be done through imposition. Only love can inspire another to choose love for themselves.

  12. True fulfilment in life comes from living the fullness of who we truly are and not striving to achieve recognition based on some outer fed ideal or belief of how we should be or how life should look. It is gorgeous to read how you and your family have returned to a truer way to be Nico. It is only by living this that we get to see how simple life can be lived when we do not bring in the complexity that seeks to override such truth.

  13. When we start to make more loving choices for ourselves our relationships with those close to us and around start to get challenged. People start to react to the love we are being and reflecting and what I noticed if I stayed steady the reactions faded out and they started to make changes themselves. I did not have to say anything, just continue to be loving with myself and my choices.

  14. Simplicity is so much smarter than complication! Loving people for who they are is something we need to see in action because we are not taught this as the norm. “I had told them, explicitly or implicitly, to do what I wanted them to do in exchange for my love and support.” I see this over and over and it goes unnoticed because it is what we all subscribe to. Go figure!

  15. It is so freeing to allow myself to live being impulsed by my inner heart instead of trying to comply to the concepts from the mind. It not only makes life so much simpler, but when I feel into my body I do recognise it to be not hard and tense due to the stress complexity brings anymore, but very sensitive, delicate and tender instead.

      1. Thank you Doug, it is sometimes in the complexity and in the not relevant details that we loose that connection with the whole and in fact use these to try to avoid to see the simplicity the whole is bringing to us.

  16. This is beautiful Nico and a great reminder for us all ‘ I did not persuade her in any way but just inspired her by my way of living.’ Our lived ways are far more powerful to another than speaking any knowledge.

  17. It is a step by step process to claim back what we know is true and live it and it is at times a bumpy road as well as there is a lot of baggage to get rid of that is not needed anymore.

  18. What you have expressed in this blog Nico is very beautiful and inspirational; I love how you enjoy life and have found true purpose in it.

  19. This is a beautiful turn around of your life Nico, and very inspiring how you inspired your family to likewise embrace a loving life.

  20. To make the choice to ‘love’ means change from illusion and control to simplicity and truth, and it is inevitable that this has a flow-on effect to those around us and to ourselves because of the past choices we have made.

  21. I used to think ‘fulfilling others’ needs’ was love. Getting to reacquaint myself with true love, remembering I was love has changed everything about the way I experience life as well. Life is no longer something I fight against.

  22. Nico, I find it incredible and hugely inspiring that you kept searching until you started to unfold what was truth and what was not. I loved reading this and hearing how without you saying anything your family were magnetically pulled towards also seeking truth themselves.

  23. In rereading this blog after some years of publishing it it is still relevant and proves to me that it is all about that connection with our inner most where the truth can be found. The more I connect to that and allow myself to make choices based on the impulses of my inner heart instead of from the rational mind my life is changing to the better and has becomes a celebration of life compared to the dread I felt to it before I made the choice to live with this connection with my innermost.

  24. I always struggled with the gentle breath meditation. But what I realised early on was that it was not the technique that was the problem, but rather that it made me register just how agitated I was in my everyday life.

    1. I can relate Adam, and soon came to appreciate the marker that was offered through The Gentle Breath Meditation. With this I could feel the choices I was making, and what I was accepting as ‘OK’ in my life was no longer ‘OK’. As the truth was, the restlessness was still very present regardless of how I had been trying to cover it up through the lifestyle choices I was making.

  25. We sometimes worry that when we make a change, others will reject and leave us. In your example Nico, you just held steady and didn’t try and persuade or change anyone, but simply led by example and your family could not help but align to the new loving way you were presenting.

  26. “I had my truth that I had to honour, and that for me was more precious than a relationship built on needs.” This line is gold and says so much.

  27. When we begin to be honest with the discontent we feel in our lives we then are to be honest with what feels true and what does not, with what truly fulfills us and what hinders us from being fulfilled. I also had the same feeling the first time I was presented with the Ageless Wisdom Teachings through a session at Universal Medicine. I had reached a point where my discontent was now affecting me physically and I knew that there was more to life than what I was living. Through that session I was able to connect to a quality within me that I knew was everything that I had been searching for in life, connection to me. From this point my life, health and well-being began to change for the greater, and my relationships have equally become more loving, honest and real, which continues today.

  28. There are certainly times in life when we chase answers or ask for reasons why things are playing out like they do. I was ‘happy’ in life you could say, had many things, married, kids, home, cars, friends, work etc etc but something still wasn’t right. No matter what I did, got or achieved I still felt this lonely, empty feeling inside. I didn’t like how it felt and yet could never really find a way to rid myself of that feeling. It seemed no matter what I did, it would never be satisfied. Universal Medicine gave me a point to be able to see this ’empty feeling’, understand it, work with it and now heal it. This feeling came from how I lived, how I was doing things, was adding to this feeling and so all I needed to do was make changes to the way I lived and pretty soon that feeling changed as well. It was the single most powerful thing anyone could have bought back to me, if I wanted something to change in me then the way I was, the quality I was needed to change and through this everything else came into line.

  29. I too spent most of my life missing the essence of life, my essence. I had never really grasped the importance of this connection with myself and consequently was heading for oblivion through losing myself in disconnection and early stage dementia. Realising that we have an essence, connecting to that essence and living from there is what life should be about and since finding Universal Medicine, it has been more and more so for me.

  30. When we start taking care of ourselves it is challenging for a world where putting everything and everyone before yourself is a living act.

  31. Living with purpose is like shining a bright light on the shadows, and then stepping into that light without ever once being concerned about how brightly you will now shine.

  32. The gentle breath meditation is the best and the most simplest thing that brings me back to me. It is so easy to do, takes a few minutes and doesn’t require any equipment – all I can say is thank you Serge Benhayon for presenting it to us.

  33. At any time we can change our way of living and set standards about how we want to live in this world. When we do this a whole new world opens up before us.

  34. I really love reading: ” allowed myself to feel what I felt”. This has been and still is a very large part of re-connecting back to myself, offering myself permission with deep love and honouring that it’s ok to feel. It requires honesty to let go of the protections that seemed necessary at the time to not feel. But this is being revealed as one of the greatest tricks and illusions of humanity. Presentations by Universal Medicine are absolute gems in shedding light on the twist and turns that take us away from our essence and how we can simply return.

  35. What an amazing way to share life and evolve together – you and your family. No imposition, just simple reflection of truth being lived, as you say “I had my truth that I had to honour, and that for me was more precious than a relationship built on needs.” Very inspiring.

  36. The truth about Serge Benhayon is that there is a love inside every single person and that it is for each and every single one of us to claim back the love in our way of living on this plane of life. Until we are complete within this cycle and are ready to move to the next.. One of even greater awareness and space.

  37. When I picked up ‘The Way it Is’ it was the best thing ever. I had struggled with reading my whole life but to me this book was presenting something that I totally related to and it made sense. Like you Nico once I had introduced a steady rythym with my Gentle Breath Meditation this connection with myself began to flourish. I am deeply thankful for Serge Benhayon and his teachings that Gold like no other.

  38. Having purpose in life is something that is more precious to me than almost anything I can think of. To know there is a reason to awaken each day and be out in the world is the all.

  39. When we heal and begin to transform our daily lives and let go of behaviours that are not so loving it can make others around us uncomfortable because they are comfortable and used to us being and behaving in a certain way. Yes they may react, but the more we hold steady with what is true the less it will destabilize us.

  40. Beautiful, Nico, tangible and ready to understand that we need to claim our true way of living back.. Even if it is uncomfortable at times, it serves us way better than being in the denial of our own truth. By truth I mean that which is felt in one’s heart, a love that is not constricted by ideals and believes but open to love other all equally. In whatever way we express that love — as long as it is helping others to rise their love and not decrease it.

  41. It is for many people difficult to see and feel truth when you don’t know how full truth feels. We settle for solutions that seem to contain a part of the truth. But then we encounter somebody like Serge Benhayon, who presents something we all have been looking for, and we know it. The only question is then if we acknowledge this truth, or want to hang on to our old ways.

  42. This seems to be a very natural journey you did Nico, in which you came back to your essence and claim the truth you feel. Living in this way is a very worthy way of living that I’m also experiencing and great changes is bringing to my life too. Thanks for sharing it with all.

  43. Thank you for sharing Nico. What touched me most in your blog is when you describe how your wife started to react when you provided her with your love instead of fulfilling her needs. We get so confused about what love truly is that we mistake getting our needs fulfilled for being loved.

  44. “I now enjoy life and feel a true purpose to it, instead of living towards goals that never, ever gave me true fulfilment when I met them.” Not so many people are able to say that from themselves Nico. It is very inspiring to read that it is possible to change life in such a wonderful way.

  45. Thanks Nico, I enjoyed this blog and I would concur with you about the Gentle Breath Meditation. This simple modality puts me into a completely different energy to any other meditation that I had tried previously. A true stillness where I could feel connected to the all.

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