My Story

I am now a 33 year old woman. I grew up sailing around the world. I had a very different childhood. It was not always easy and I had grown up with many ways of coping and dealing with what life had offered me. As a child I was sexually molested and I hardly went to school. I smoked marijuana every day from when I was 16 years old until I was 30, and when I say every day, I mean everyday (with exception of about 4 or 6 days). Even when I was traveling internationally I would make marijuana brownies and eat them to get high.

The point is, I did not like how life was and the only way I enjoyed life was if I was stoned and numb. I would wake up and smoke, and I would smoke during the day, and then smoke a lot at night so that I would pass out. I could easily smoke an ounce a week (that is a lot). And to me, that was normal and I was “fine”. I would go out with friends, drink alcohol, go to festivals and take ecstasy, magic mushrooms and a few other drugs. I thought I was fine, because I wasn’t doing cocaine or heroin.

I studied to be a Massage therapist and a Medical Herbalist and I had every reason under the sun to justify my weed smoking habits. (It’s natural, it’s a herb, it relaxes me, it helps give me an appetite etc). I smoked cigarettes too and thought they were bad for me but the weed was okay. I did a course on Nutrition and thought that because I was a vegetarian I was quite healthy even though if I compare my diet now to then, I can really see that I was truly in an illusion to believe that the deep fried food, the amount of sugar and the other garbage I would consume was healthy!

I used to see clients and suggest a healthy lifestyle to them, and encourage them to stop smoking, yet I continued to abuse my body.

I was and still am a single mother, I was living on a benefit, I was angry at my own mother, and my daughter’s father and at life. I would take my anger out on my daughter, and I could not be bothered with anything really. I didn’t want a job because I didn’t have to. I didn’t want to take responsibility for where I was at, instead I preferred to blame everyone else.

Then I moved to Byron Bay. I met an Esoteric student who was involved in the Equine Industry. Having always loved horses, I made friends with her and was blown away by what a talented ‘horse woman’ she was. I could not understand how she could connect with the horses so well. I decided to be her apprentice. I would go to her place, after smoking weed and she would put up with me. She had so much patience and she taught me the Gentle Breath Meditation.

I found it hard, this concept of connecting to me. I never wanted to connect to me or come anywhere near that, that is why I always wanted to get high, so I would not feel. She lent me some of Serge Benhayon’s books, which I returned to her without reading. They were not for me. I could not even get through one page. I then got annoyed with what she was teaching me and did not go and see her for a few months.

But somewhere in my body, I felt that she was not trying to make me change or anything like that, but that she was just amazing. So I went back to see her and she told me that another friend was learning Esoteric Chakra-puncture and that I could get some treatments from her if I was interested. I was afraid of the needles hurting but decided to at least try it.

This is where my life started to change drastically. It was in December 2009 after I had been really enjoying the Chakra-puncture. I started going every week and then decided to do a Chakra-puncture Detox program. I was supported to try not to smoke or drink during this time and on the 31st of Dec 2009, I smoked my last joint. I have not smoked since and it was the best choice I have ever made. It was not the easiest choice though!

I was lucky to have the support particularly from these 2 women, and as I gave up the weed that was burying everything I had never wanted to feel, from childhood events to more recent ones, I had the chance to work through them and deal with them, instead of numb them and run from them. I had to take responsibility and realise, that the only person that could change things now was me. As an adult there was no point in blaming my parents or past relationships. The taking responsibility part was hard because I had always preferred to blame someone else and not deal with anything.

In 2010 I started going to the Universal Medicine Esoteric Medicine talks because they were only $5 and I thought they would be interesting and that they may be helpful with my herbal medicine training. These talks have been truly amazing. They are not always easy to listen to because there is so much truth in them, and as I was so good at avoiding truth, it brought up lots of issues for me. But this time I decided not to run, not to be ashamed of my past, but to be honest and open to the possibility that there was a lot there for me to learn from.

I then started going to some of the Universal Medicine workshops and I met some wonderful esoteric students. The way they lived just inspired me. I loved the fact that there were no rules, because rules have always made me rebel. I loved the fact that here everyone was accepted no matter what they did or didn’t do. No one was judged if they chose to smoke, drink alcohol or go to sleep past midnight. It is after all just an individual choice.

I really wanted to do the courses so I needed a way to pay for them, so I started working part time. I decided that I wanted to learn the Esoteric Healing modalities. I joined the Esoteric Practitioners Association (EPA)* and was amazed by their code of ethics. I am a member of the National Herbalist of Australia Association and Massage Australia and never in my life have I seen a code of ethics like the EPA*.

The changes in me are huge. And none of these changes would have happened if it were not for the love and support from Universal Medicine, its practitioners and the Esoteric students I have met.

I do not feel like the same person who arrived in Byron, three and half years ago. I now do not smoke or drink or take drugs. I rarely have any sugar, I do not eat gluten or dairy. After 18 years of being a vegetarian, I have felt that it is better for my body to have a small amount of meat. I go to bed early and wake every day with energy and excitement of the new day. I do not drink caffeine and I don’t need it like everyone else seems to. I have a full time job and I love it and I have recently been promoted to supervisor. I work hard but I rarely get exhausted. I am not on the benefit anymore. I have got a nice car to drive, a nice place to live. I rarely get angry these days. I don’t shout and get angry with my daughter anymore. I have even managed to save money for the first time in over 10 years.

I am not part of a cult. I make my own choices. I do not take on everything that Serge Benhayon presents, I do what feels right for me. I have so much appreciation of what Serge has presented and for the Esoteric students who have inspired me to be where I am today. I have also inspired people I know and work with to change their diets, to make healthier choices, to be more gentle in the way they go about their day. Two friends have also given up smoking marijuana. It’s beautiful to see the people around me be inspired by the way I live and the choices I make. Some of my family were skeptical at first, but they too have come to the talks and workshops and have had Esoteric massages and Chakra-puncture and have enjoyed it and made healthier choices for themselves.

I have not suddenly “got it” and am not perfect, I am constantly willing to work on myself and be honest and gentle with my own personal development. I now realise that first we have to make the changes in ourselves, to love ourselves first. This has not been easy for me as I was always so tough but slowly, with baby-like steps, I am able to make changes and the great thing now is that I am aware and do notice in my body when I go back to the old patterns of being a tough “tomgirl”.

by Anonymous, Byron Bay

* The EPA (Esoteric Practitioners Association) is a branch of Universal Medicine. It was instigated by Universal Medicine to monitor and accredit the modalities that were founded by Universal Medicine. 

365 thoughts on “My Story

  1. So true Natalliya, ‘the life we are living isn’t all that great when we choose a smorgasbord of ways to relieve.’
    It’s so easy to think life is great, but take out all the sugar, coffee, stimulants, alcohol & drugs, entertainment and ‘holidays’ and what are we left with. Most would throw up their hands, as I would have 10 years ago too, in protest that these are the things that make life good… but what if these are the things that mask the fact that life is NOT so good, and the shockingly unhealthy and unwell state of our collective bodies is surely testament to that.

  2. Universal Medicine and the modalities it shares, inspires self empowerment, not following. I have never been to self assertive and sure of what is true for me, my body and life….the antithesis of a follower…

  3. I’ve tried to bury my head in the sand all of my life believing I could never cope with how brutal or nonsensical the world can appear at times to be. Universal Medicine, the practitioners, the students and the modalities have shown me that it is possible to see everything in the world with a depth of clarity I barely thought was possible, and remain un-scarred. As I slowly face the world without flinching I am being supported to stand on my own two feet. There have been times I wanted to hand over to other’s to take responsibility for me but that has never happened. I am always supported to connect with my own authority and all the amazing healing and resolving of issues has actually been my own doing.

  4. We are forever learning Rosie as you say, ‘I have not suddenly “got it” and am not perfect, I am constantly willing to work on myself and be honest and gentle with my own personal development. I now realise that first we have to make the changes in ourselves, to love ourselves first.’

  5. It’s incredible what we will justify as ‘healthy or natural’ in order to get away with a fix of some sort. ‘Organic’ wine and organic sugar are part of this ‘natural’ movement – which has nothing to do with connection to the body and it’s communication, but everything to do with attaining a form of relief, escape or reward.

  6. The honesty, openness and straight talk in this article is refreshing and much needed in our world today where many forms of addiction are used to check out from life. But with what is presented here, checking out from life doesn’t bring the rewards we think it does. Only full commitment to life can again build our confidence and acceptance of the strength we have always had within.

  7. That is all we need – appreciation of who we are, what we choose that raises love and awareness , and what truly supports us to grow and know ourselves. There are no rules, just a way of living that is true for you and empowers you to truly connect you to who you are on the inside deeply so.

  8. Me too – I have been a member of some professional organisations before, and have never seen anything like EPA. When I first read their ethics and conducts I just cried. The love with and in which it was written was just so palpable and huge, it was the biggest, most amazing love letter I have ever read, and I also felt what I am being asked of by making a choice to be a part of that. It was a very beautiful, expansive moment.

    1. Everyone should have the pleasure of reading the EPA code of conduct. I agree it is a gorgeously expansive document that offers us not only a new way of being a practitioner but also a new way of living.

  9. Small boats and I don’t really go together. I always seem (in the past) to have attracted bad weather and being constantly seasick is not fun. I was thinking that I couldn’t think of anything worse than spending weeks or even months on a small boat, then reading this blog I realised that yes being constantly stoned and numb as well as seasick would be much worse.

  10. Its a wonderful connection when we realise we don’t need be perfect and that part of living fully is making mistakes. But the key message is in the application of living in such a way that we can make mistakes and can constantly learn, but do so with a care and consideration of everyone and a willingness to look at the how’s and why’s. Within such a tenet how can we really go wrong.

  11. We will find any way to justify something that serves the need we have to numb, distract, bury or dull down what it is we don’t want to feel, whether in ourselves or around us. Thanks for your honesty Anonymous, what you share is very powerful for others to understand some of what may underlie these sort of choices.

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