My Story

I am now a 33 year old woman. I grew up sailing around the world. I had a very different childhood. It was not always easy and I had grown up with many ways of coping and dealing with what life had offered me. As a child I was sexually molested and I hardly went to school. I smoked marijuana every day from when I was 16 years old until I was 30, and when I say every day, I mean everyday (with exception of about 4 or 6 days). Even when I was traveling internationally I would make marijuana brownies and eat them to get high.

The point is, I did not like how life was and the only way I enjoyed life was if I was stoned and numb. I would wake up and smoke, and I would smoke during the day, and then smoke a lot at night so that I would pass out. I could easily smoke an ounce a week (that is a lot). And to me, that was normal and I was “fine”. I would go out with friends, drink alcohol, go to festivals and take ecstasy, magic mushrooms and a few other drugs. I thought I was fine, because I wasn’t doing cocaine or heroin.

I studied to be a Massage therapist and a Medical Herbalist and I had every reason under the sun to justify my weed smoking habits. (It’s natural, it’s a herb, it relaxes me, it helps give me an appetite etc). I smoked cigarettes too and thought they were bad for me but the weed was okay. I did a course on Nutrition and thought that because I was a vegetarian I was quite healthy even though if I compare my diet now to then, I can really see that I was truly in an illusion to believe that the deep fried food, the amount of sugar and the other garbage I would consume was healthy!

I used to see clients and suggest a healthy lifestyle to them, and encourage them to stop smoking, yet I continued to abuse my body.

I was and still am a single mother, I was living on a benefit, I was angry at my own mother, and my daughter’s father and at life. I would take my anger out on my daughter, and I could not be bothered with anything really. I didn’t want a job because I didn’t have to. I didn’t want to take responsibility for where I was at, instead I preferred to blame everyone else.

Then I moved to Byron Bay. I met an Esoteric student who was involved in the Equine Industry. Having always loved horses, I made friends with her and was blown away by what a talented ‘horse woman’ she was. I could not understand how she could connect with the horses so well. I decided to be her apprentice. I would go to her place, after smoking weed and she would put up with me. She had so much patience and she taught me the Gentle Breath Meditation.

I found it hard, this concept of connecting to me. I never wanted to connect to me or come anywhere near that, that is why I always wanted to get high, so I would not feel. She lent me some of Serge Benhayon’s books, which I returned to her without reading. They were not for me. I could not even get through one page. I then got annoyed with what she was teaching me and did not go and see her for a few months.

But somewhere in my body, I felt that she was not trying to make me change or anything like that, but that she was just amazing. So I went back to see her and she told me that another friend was learning Esoteric Chakra-puncture and that I could get some treatments from her if I was interested. I was afraid of the needles hurting but decided to at least try it.

This is where my life started to change drastically. It was in December 2009 after I had been really enjoying the Chakra-puncture. I started going every week and then decided to do a Chakra-puncture Detox program. I was supported to try not to smoke or drink during this time and on the 31st of Dec 2009, I smoked my last joint. I have not smoked since and it was the best choice I have ever made. It was not the easiest choice though!

I was lucky to have the support particularly from these 2 women, and as I gave up the weed that was burying everything I had never wanted to feel, from childhood events to more recent ones, I had the chance to work through them and deal with them, instead of numb them and run from them. I had to take responsibility and realise, that the only person that could change things now was me. As an adult there was no point in blaming my parents or past relationships. The taking responsibility part was hard because I had always preferred to blame someone else and not deal with anything.

In 2010 I started going to the Universal Medicine Esoteric Medicine talks because they were only $5 and I thought they would be interesting and that they may be helpful with my herbal medicine training. These talks have been truly amazing. They are not always easy to listen to because there is so much truth in them, and as I was so good at avoiding truth, it brought up lots of issues for me. But this time I decided not to run, not to be ashamed of my past, but to be honest and open to the possibility that there was a lot there for me to learn from.

I then started going to some of the Universal Medicine workshops and I met some wonderful esoteric students. The way they lived just inspired me. I loved the fact that there were no rules, because rules have always made me rebel. I loved the fact that here everyone was accepted no matter what they did or didn’t do. No one was judged if they chose to smoke, drink alcohol or go to sleep past midnight. It is after all just an individual choice.

I really wanted to do the courses so I needed a way to pay for them, so I started working part time. I decided that I wanted to learn the Esoteric Healing modalities. I joined the Esoteric Practitioners Association (EPA)* and was amazed by their code of ethics. I am a member of the National Herbalist of Australia Association and Massage Australia and never in my life have I seen a code of ethics like the Esoteric Practitioners Association*.

The changes in me are huge. And none of these changes would have happened if it were not for the love and support from Universal Medicine, its practitioners and the Esoteric students I have met.

I do not feel like the same person who arrived in Byron, three and half years ago. I now do not smoke or drink or take drugs. I rarely have any sugar, I do not eat gluten or dairy. After 18 years of being a vegetarian, I have felt that it is better for my body to have a small amount of meat. I go to bed early and wake every day with energy and excitement of the new day. I do not drink caffeine and I don’t need it like everyone else seems to. I have a full time job and I love it and I have recently been promoted to supervisor. I work hard but I rarely get exhausted. I am not on the benefit anymore. I have got a nice car to drive, a nice place to live. I rarely get angry these days. I don’t shout and get angry with my daughter anymore. I have even managed to save money for the first time in over 10 years.

I am not part of a cult. I make my own choices. I do not take on everything that Serge Benhayon presents, I do what feels right for me. I have so much appreciation of what Serge has presented and for the Esoteric students who have inspired me to be where I am today. I have also inspired people I know and work with to change their diets, to make healthier choices, to be more gentle in the way they go about their day. Two friends have also given up smoking marijuana. It’s beautiful to see the people around me be inspired by the way I live and the choices I make. Some of my family were skeptical at first, but they too have come to the talks and workshops and have had Esoteric massages and Chakra-puncture and have enjoyed it and made healthier choices for themselves.

I have not suddenly “got it” and am not perfect, I am constantly willing to work on myself and be honest and gentle with my own personal development. I now realise that first we have to make the changes in ourselves, to love ourselves first. This has not been easy for me as I was always so tough but slowly, with baby-like steps, I am able to make changes and the great thing now is that I am aware and do notice in my body when I go back to the old patterns of being a tough “tomgirl”.

by Anonymous, Byron Bay

* The EPA (Esoteric Practitioners Association) is the internal accreditation arm of Universal Medicine. It was instigated by Universal Medicine to monitor and accredit the modalities that were founded by Universal Medicine. 

536 thoughts on “My Story

  1. True change is inspired by us seeing someone who has done it, realizing that it is possible even when it may be challenging, that there is a different way we may not know how to walk yet but when someone else can do it so I can I. No one can make anyone do anything, not really, and it is free will and acceptance that gives us space to not feel imposed, controlled or manipulated but invited to consider other options. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are offering ‘options’ by presenting a living way, never ever do they impose or expect anything but always asking and supporting everyone to make their own choices.

  2. ‘The taking responsibility part was hard because I had always preferred to blame someone else and not deal with anything.’ This seems to be our first human response to life doesn’t it? It’s much easier to blame someone else rather than take responsibility for our own choices and reactions. I know, for myself getting really honest is something that I avoid as I don’t wan’t to feel the deep discomfort of the truth.

  3. Like you I used to be able to defend marijuana as the healthier option than smoking cigarettes, and yet if I look at the mental health problems that a number of my friends suffered as a result of their paranoia and many of the other side effects I was blindly ignoring at the time, I can see how delusional I was. The way I justified it… well that is simply because I did not want to look at it, but it is a major cause for concern that there are so many people (and science too) who champion it, suggest there are medical benefits etc, all of which help it to become more normal, to become decriminalised, to become legal even. Absolutely crazy – like have cigarettes (which we know will kill you) being legal!

  4. We know truth we try to avoid it, or deny it but it is always there knocking on the door and when we are ready to make the choice it embraces us with open arms for it does not judge us on our past…only we do.

  5. It is not easy to find modalities and practitioners that do support you to truly heal (release) unnecessary tension held in the body.

    1. And when you do, not even the worlds greatest healer can free you completely from something you are not yet ready or completely willing to release. Step by step you can be supported and immensely inspired to step out of cycles of abuse.

  6. ‘I now realise that first we have to make the changes in ourselves, to love ourselves first.’ It all starts with this otherwise we are constantly seeking love from outside and others which never works. It ultimately all begins with us and the choice we make to choose love, without perfection, in each and every moment. And the more we do this the more the love supports us to be more love. Then everything else changes.

  7. It is so beautiful to read how you were inspired by the quality of another’s living and now you equally are an inspiration by living more fully who you truly are.

  8. This to me is the kind of story that the media ought to be reporting on, a story where someone completely turns their life around as it is deeply inspiring.

  9. Anonymous, your post is awe-inspiring and I love feeling your power and strength in how you now live your life given your felt-appreciation of Universal Medicine, and all those esoteric practitioners and other people you have met along the way that have been pivotal in your transformation. As the saying goes, the horse can be taken to the water but it itself must be the one that takes the first sip to experience the refreshing aftertaste.

  10. I would never have believed that my life could change in the way that it has thanks to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and all the practitioners who practice these modalities. It is extraordinary what is possible when we are offered, and then choose to take the opportunity to look at the way that we have been living and realise that we are not going anywhere, but instead change the direction of our path to one of true purpose, committment to life, and to love.

  11. How inspiring to hear how you’ve turned your life around and I love your deep honesty and practicality in how you note that this has been a process not an instant fix but how if we’re willing to look and take responsibility there is so much that can unfold for us and those changes, small ones too cause a huge ripple effect well beyond what we often expect.

  12. “I am a follower – a follower of love wherever that leads – and by love I mean love in the true meaning of the word”. I love this Nicola, as love is worth following.

  13. The power of Esoteric Chakra-puncture is immense, and I look forward to seeing this powerful modality available everywhere.

  14. It is a miracle the changes you have made in life yet it is something we can all equally do the more we claim and live the love that we are. Most of us as we age go in the reverse slowly take on more and become decrepid whereas it has been the opposite for yourself as it has been with so many other students of Universal Medicine who have chosen to recommit in full to life and living the love that they are. There is no comparison to how life used to be and is now – it is like chalk and cheese and great to expose quite how entrenched so many of us were, have been and are.

  15. What a great testimonial to the author and the teachings of Universal Medicine. When you think we spend a lifetime trashing ourselves and within three and a half years in this person’s life, so many changes have been made.

  16. What a fantastic turnaround. Our bodies are so generous – it is amazing just how much we can abuse them and then come back and out of it. Choosing love is so much more powerful than choosing to harm.

  17. We so often override the truth that we know that when we are presented with truth it is difficult to take it in, yet the more truth we hear the easier it becomes, because we start to feel the difference in our body, and then know we can settle for nothing less than truth.

  18. Great to share your experiences, Universal Medicine is at the forefront of true health and well-being. I have not found another organisation like it. The courses are amazing and I learn so much and it is practical and simple to put into every day life with real changes to support me.

  19. A testimonial of Universal Medicine right there. Many changes that are permanent. That was written back in 2012. So much changes as a committed Universal Medicine student in a year these days. I am testimony to that too. Maybe an update in a comment Anonymous. Flying from A to B these days Anonymous HaHa !

  20. Very inspirational blog, it’s a huge thing to turn ones life around like you have, and I noted the support the Universal Medicine Therapy Chakra-Puncture gave you, it is a truly amazing modality. I have also recently had my first Chakra-Puncture detox program and it has been a transformational and a very enjoyable experience.

  21. One of the key tenets of the teachings of Universal Medicine is we all continue to evolve, and that evolution is in no way a bad or critical thing, but the path of walking back to living as the essence of who we truly are.

  22. Humans have a unique fascinating capacity to construct a sense of ‘normal and fine’ that justifies itself in the name of what is not part of my choices but does turn a blind eye regarding what is the core of what I choose that is neither normal nor fine.

  23. I have found Esoteric Chakra-puncture to be a powerful support when willing to make changes in my own life. It supports and strengthens that inner conviction thereby making further change is possible, whilst revitalising the physical body, enhancing and strengthening a feeling of well-being.

  24. It is amazing, this sliding scale of what is considered alright because it is not cocaine or heroin. It highlights a way of thinking that is measured and reduces the truth in to suitable nuggets that can be tossed around and placed wherever we please, so long as they fit the picture of what we are trying to achieve.

  25. No matter our background, abuse, drug use, lack of care etc, there comes a point where all this is still an experience that can support us IF we can turn our lives around and be a role model for others. And this is what you have done Anon, in terms of making true and lasting change in your life. Because you have lived this change and can say ‘this is where I have come from’, it gives true power and authority showing that change is possible and can be appreciated deeply. Well done once again, and this time for being the role model that so many in society are very much in need of, by now living an open, honest life that is caring and true.

  26. Gorgeous sharing Anon, and it shows that we can indeed turn our lives around completely no matter how much we have been through. The support was there, but this is also because you were ready and willing to begin to make a change in your life. A real inspiration to read – thank you!

  27. It is awesome that you were able to start asking questions of yourself and being honest with yourself to the point that you are now able to be the real you. That is some turnaround and worthy of great celebration.

  28. ‘I have not suddenly “got it” and am not perfect, I am constantly willing to work on myself and be honest and gentle with my own personal development. I now realise that first we have to make the changes in ourselves, to love ourselves first. ‘ This is so key for all of us to realise, accept and appreciate within ourselves – otherwise we are constantly trying to get somewhere and so can get caught up in the struggle and the pictures of how things could or should be rather than appreciating and seeing that we have it all with us and before us we just need to surrender to it and claim it.

    1. Well said James! We can be so governed by pictures or images of how it should or should not be, and in that we get lost to the blessing that actually presents. Appreciation of who we are and all about us is key, as is the willingess to see outside the box so to speak and hence be open to change. The truth lies within us all, but sometimes we forget this or have trouble feeling this, so it is great to be reminded of it!

  29. Wow what a turn around from taking drugs to living a life with full responsibility! – of course you are an inspiration and it is wonderful to read how you are magnetically pull your friends and family around you to change their lives as well without being imposing or try to change them. To let oneself be and also the others without judgment is really worth it to bring into our lives in every second.

  30. When we recommend or are recommended to make changes or live a healthier life by someone who isn’t actually living that themselves then it’s like we’re just hearing empty words as opposed to the truly inspiring reflection of someone who is making steps along the path back to who they truly are, to deepening the care they bring to their body, life and relationships, which gives us a real reflection of the words in action.

  31. Amazing sharing Anonymous- so many people will relate to what you have shared. The use of drugs, food, technology or whatever else one may use to numb is something familiar to most human beings. To take steps away from this and towards truth is something that is worth celebrating and sharing.

  32. A wonderful and inspiring story how fulfilment in life comes from connecting, accepting and living from one’s truth no matter what one has done or how one lived in the past.

  33. ” I go to bed early and wake every day with energy and excitement of the new day ” This is so wonderful and so beautiful to read thank you.

  34. How inspirational is this blog, that through your own willingness to change your life and give up Marijuana you have inspired 2 other people to do the same. It just shows that we don’t need to say anything, our livingness is enough to inspire others there is another way to live that is not dependant on substances such as drugs to get through life

  35. What a turnaround Anonymous. “After 18 years of being a vegetarian, I have felt that it is better for my body to have a small amount of meat” – listening to the body in what nourishment it needs (over a mind ideal) is listening to love.

  36. What I love about Universal Medicine is that they never impose anything onto anyone but because of what the teachings are that are presented many people resurrect themselves out of very difficult situations by their own choice because they are inspired to know they are able to do so. Like you stopping smoking and getting a job by you own choice is super inspiring – when you inspire people that there is a greater way to live by living that yourself you don’t need to preach other to change.

  37. Chakra-puncture is a super supportive modality – the way it helps us to reconnect with an innate vitality and harmonious flow that gives us a marker for everything in our life to calibrate with and see if what we’re choosing is really true for us, so harming behaviours can stand out more and be naturally easier to let go of.

  38. Yes rules imposed on us from outside feel constrictive where as learning to live from the wisdom of your body and experience and observation is a very different and very liberating thing.

  39. What a transformation you have made in your life anonymous – from living off the benefit or system to completely committing to healing yourself and all that holds you back from living your potential. Go you.

  40. Brilliant sharing Anonymous, how many people do you know who tell other people to be a certain way but continue to do what they recommend against themselves each day? Aside from the dropping of serious drug addictions, the ceasing of this hypocritical lecturing is a massive shift that we can all benefit from. Wow, Chakra Puncture is amazing to support us to make such a huge change.

  41. “I had to take responsibility and realise, that the only person that could change things now was me.” Seeing that we play the major role in our lives and the choices we make brings us back to honesty and we begin to see where our patterns, beliefs, hurts and ideals lie and how we are the ones that can inevitably shift the paradigm and return to the simplicity of our bodies wisdom and learn to live connected to them and not in reacting to what they are truly revealing. A super inspiring blog Anonymous thank you.

  42. This is incredible, to see the scale of which drugs like marijuana can affect you but also how at any point life can be transformed/turned around through dedication, commitment and support. The transformation you’ve described is absolutely inspiring.

  43. I wonder how many people can genuinely say that they enjoy their life in this day, on this planet. We all seem to have something to get us through our days – be it coffee, alcohol, drug, sweets, sports, hobbies many things we claim that we love and we try very hard to find a balancing sport in all that trying to convince ourselves that our life is ok. Allowing ourselves to feel and admit what is truly going on is a big, humbling step, and I find Esoteric healing modalities great support in that process, as it allows us to connect to the fundamental truth of us as love so that our honesty is just that, no judgment, guilt or shame.

  44. The way I have changed since my first Universal Medicine workshop is just huge, today I sit here in contempt, feeling steady and much, much more secure in myself than I have ever been. I am not numb to the anxiousness that runs through my body, but I am able to work on it and dissolve it when I feel it rising up. I know who I am, I know there is more to life than what we may perceive and I know that through studying the precious teachings presented by Serge Benhayon I will develop this knowing deeper and deeper. Universal Medicine is anything but a cult, it’s a health and well-being organisation like no other, it brings vitality, joy, magic, and love in the lives of ordinary people.

  45. Wow what a difference in you committing to life and wanting to be part of it rather than withdrawing. As you have shared, there are so many solutions for us to check out from life- and it is very easy to do – but the question comes back to how are we willing to live and at what quality or cost.

  46. It’s very beautiful to be held in such simple love and acceptance with complete understanding by another. It can feel like a miracle when the walls of protection and fear start to fall away simply by being held in love and equalness.

  47. Absolutely, starting to be loving and caring with self are important first steps, ‘I am constantly willing to work on myself and be honest and gentle with my own personal development. I now realise that first we have to make the changes in ourselves, to love ourselves first.’

  48. “the only way I enjoyed life was if I was stoned and numb”, this could be said of any substance that can take us out, numb life away, or fool us into thinking that we enjoy life when we have it – when in fact we are not enjoying life, we are desperately seeking to not know life, trying to kill the awareness of what we actually know to be true, and what we know to be complete lies.

  49. It really stood out to me from your blog just how easily we can justify our ill behaviour, for example smoking marijuana. We can justify anything and everything with our mind, which ultimately is cold and heartless whereas if we use our body to inform us we can feel just how harming something like marijuana is.

  50. I used to think I was ok because I have never used drugs and never wanted to. But I did drink alcohol, fairly heavily in my twenties and overate on a daily basis. I had my ways of numbing myself to life so I didn’t have to feel too. With the support of Serge Benhayon and his presentations and courses, I have come to understand myself and life so much more truly and now, rather than avoid those so-called ‘bad’ feelings, I see that there is something to be understood and opened up to, a new level of awareness to embrace. It is a wonderful way to live and be in life and means that there is opportunity in every day.

  51. When I met someone who was an esoteric student I was really intrigued as I had a quite a love for the philosophy of life and deconstructing why things don’t make sense in our human life – then I was blown away to learn about all the esoteric offered me, that indeed the freedom, absoluteness and unhindered joy for life still existed underneath all of the layers we take on when we go through school and generally growing up, it brought all of the aspects into one, philosophy, healing, medicine, religion and science.

  52. Living a life that is fundamentally from being connected to yourself is a daily way, and it is only through that daily application of choices inspired from within that a new way evolves.

  53. Very inspirational blog Anonymous, it takes enormous commitment and dedication to turn your life around like you have and then to keep deepening and developing like you are, continually saying what’s next. Many people change and then rest on their laurels but not you, you just keep on deepening your connection with the all.

  54. Of much inspiration from this article, today what has touched me is the ‘being honest and gentle’ with ourselves as we endlessly learn… it is from here that I have the humility and respect for myself to be open to all that is on offer.

    1. That is the thing, we don’t ever just get it and have it all…. we are always learning, every moment, and its okay if it takes a little longer at times, we wouldn’t get mad at a child while they are learning, and we need to bring that level of care to ourselves too and to others.

  55. I spent yesterday checking out, not really wanting to be bothered by much, and not bothering much. An old school day term, I ‘bludged my day through’ as I did the bare minimum. You are right, it does not feel very nice, my body feels heavy and lethargic today. Compared to the days when I am on purpose and checked right in, and my body feels vital and engaged. It is all a choice isn’t it?

    1. I so know what you mean. I tried to hang out with some friends the other day, and after watching one movie and doing nothing for most of the day as well as eating snacks that didn’t support me, I felt so lethargic and realised that for me, I need purpose, connection and sitting in front of a screen, watching a movie that doesn’t teach me anything just doesn’t do it for me.

  56. What I love about your honesty Anonymous is that every choice you made to bring a deeper understanding and clarity around how you lived your life prior to finding Universal Medicine was all found from the connection to your body. That is so very inspiring and shows that our bodies will never give up, they will patiently wait for us to listen intently to what is being shared and we can move in rhythm with our bodies to deepen that relationship as we move with life. Thank you for sharing this is beautiful.

  57. This is something that so few practitioners consider – how they are living their own lives and the energy that is therefore being passed on to their clients. We can hardly expect healing for another when we are yet to heal such issues in ourselves. The Esoteric Practitioners Association is leading the way, globally in energetic integrity with ethics of a divine order.

  58. When I go to the local hospital to volunteer I chat to the patients and they tell me their life stories for the most part and I get to feel just how abusive we are towards our bodies, not just me but really everyone. I realise that we have been educated in a way from young to not take any notice of our bodies but instead concentrate on the mind, the mind becomes everything. I have discovered the mind does not care about the body at all and complains bitterly when it breaks down, so if feels what I’m saying is that we live in parts and not as a whole, and may be if we listened more to our bodies we wouldn’t abuse it in the way we currently do by using it as a rubbish bin for whatever we feel we need or want at the time, we just expect the body to cope with it. Wow how selfish is that?

  59. Deciding not to run but instead taking responsibility for our part is beautiful…it is a choice to be humble and admit that we chose to dig ourselves into a hole and hence we can simply dig ourselves out.

  60. Wow, Anon, this is absolutely amazing to read how you have changed things completely in your life! This is a huge turnaround that you have made and is to be celebrated in all its ways! Thank you also for taking the time to share your story, because it shows that no matter how challenged we can feel, there is support for us should we choose to embrace it – and in your case you embraced true support and showed a willingness to work your way out from many constraints that you were in! Amazing!

  61. There is a distinct lack of judgement or self criticism in this piece of writing, which is an absolute joy to read.

  62. A amazing story of your life the enormous changes you have made getting to the simple and beautiful understanding of being love and living this from our innermost and everything else makes sense without perfection but with a true joy.

  63. The support that is offered with the Chakra Puncture Program is one of great healing and the potential to live and learn from what is not longer supporting the body. Thank you for sharing your story and for giving others the opportunity to connect to their own. A humbly and inspiring read.

  64. This is such a beautiful story of the self discovery and self healing that can occur when we re-connect with our true nature. The teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have supported this for thousands of people since 1999, myself included. The teachings are simple in that from the very start we are presented with the fact that we are divine and that no matter what we have done in life this does not change who we are in essence. Once we re-connect with our divine nature we naturally want to stay connected and this supports us to want to discard anything that is not divine in the way that we live and be in life.

    1. It is true Elizabeth, we are all divine, even if at times we have lost our way and have gotten caught up in all kinds of stuff. It is just that, stuff and not who we really are, and the beautiful thing is, we can all return to that beautiful soul within whenever we are ready, no matter how far away we have strayed.

    1. That is so true. We fall for an image, and in that falling, we are guaranteed a tough time as its not real if it based on images. We so get caught in illusions and its so distracting!

  65. Yes I agree when you meet someone who walks their talk you know they are the real deal and Serge Benhayon is a man who does just that.

  66. I find it fascinating that we (myself included) exist through life and carry on with things like holding down a job, raising a family etc while being numb and checked out. I did not do drugs, but my chosen numbing substances were alcohol and food. Allowing ourselves to feel and deal with our issues is a big step in healing the hurts that drove us to the numbing behaviour in the first place. Then we find we no longer need to numb and those habits simply fall away. Thanks for sharing how you turned your life around Anonymous.

    1. So cool. Rather than focussing on the behaviours we can build an attentive, respectful and caring relationship with ourselves from which we can explore what it is that we are trying to numb and I have found that when the ‘issue’ is revealed it is so dealable with… it is like all the behaviours over the top (for me food, alcohol and shopping) veil the issue, making it seem big, when actually it often isn’t.

  67. Chakra-puncture consistently brings me back to a lightness and stillness – an amazing marker that I can then choose to hold, instead of entering back into the fray of emotions and energetic entanglements that otherwise rule my life. Each time I hold the stillness, the forces at play to keep the illusion ‘real’ get exposed in their mischievous ways, and the more clearly I can see and feel them, the greater freedom i have embraced to choose truly once more.

    1. For me, words just cannot describe how amazing Chakra-Puncture is. It really is such a powerful modality and one it day will be known worldwide for its incredible healing support that it is.

    1. That is the thing, if we compare, there is always someone doing something worse and with that mindset, we kind of make whatever we are doing as okay…. but when we let go of that comparison, and feel, we know what is right for us. There is no denying it.. just a choice to bury it.

  68. I love this simple well written account of a life reclaimed. Very inspiring anonymous and so many people can relate to your life path. So great you have now taken the path less traveled, and where a life you enjoy.

  69. Anonymous’s story is just one of many similar stories I have heard from students of the esoteric – and not a million miles away from my own. The common sense presentations Serge Benhayon offers have given hundreds of people the choice to take the bull by the horns if they so choose.

    1. Very true, I have heard stories from people’s past that would shock some, then I have heard stories from doctors, nurses, policemen, cleaners, housewives, sailors, …. in other words, people from all different walks of life and they have all had such support from the presentations by Serge Benhayon.

  70. The self abuse that we all have indulged in to some extent, mine was mainly alcohol, is designed to keep us from finding and connecting to the whole and true us. And so we cement ourselves into living a life that is so much less than it should otherwise be.

  71. Thank you for what you have shared Anonymous, it goes to show that trying to struggle against unwanted behaviours and harming patterns is self-defeating and doomed from the outset as unless we get to the root of the problem, we will merely substitute one behaviour for another. So rather than damage control each outbreak, we can start by returning to the fact and the knowing of who we truly are, and from that confirmation, it is possible then to discard all that keeps us away from the truth – thus we learn to set ourselves free.

  72. It’s important for us to appreciate the choice to move out of that slumped lifestyle and build on it to expand ever greater and inspire many more to make the same choice.

  73. We will find any way to justify something that serves the need we have to numb, distract, bury or dull down what it is we don’t want to feel, whether in ourselves or around us. Thanks for your honesty Anonymous, what you share is very powerful for others to understand some of what may underlie these sort of choices.

  74. Its a wonderful connection when we realise we don’t need be perfect and that part of living fully is making mistakes. But the key message is in the application of living in such a way that we can make mistakes and can constantly learn, but do so with a care and consideration of everyone and a willingness to look at the how’s and why’s. Within such a tenet how can we really go wrong.

    1. This is beautiful Stephen because making mistakes is part of learning. When we look deeper, go to the why and work it all out rather than just turn a blind eye, that is when evolution happens. Where true change occurs!

  75. Small boats and I don’t really go together. I always seem (in the past) to have attracted bad weather and being constantly seasick is not fun. I was thinking that I couldn’t think of anything worse than spending weeks or even months on a small boat, then reading this blog I realised that yes being constantly stoned and numb as well as seasick would be much worse.

    1. hahaha you made me laugh reading this! Maybe part of being stoned and numb was so that I just didn’t have to feel everything that was part of living on the boat. I never got seasick as we lived on the boat from when I was 6 months old, so that was my normal. That is where I learnt to walk.

  76. Me too – I have been a member of some professional organisations before, and have never seen anything like EPA. When I first read their ethics and conducts I just cried. The love with and in which it was written was just so palpable and huge, it was the biggest, most amazing love letter I have ever read, and I also felt what I am being asked of by making a choice to be a part of that. It was a very beautiful, expansive moment.

    1. Everyone should have the pleasure of reading the EPA code of conduct. I agree it is a gorgeously expansive document that offers us not only a new way of being a practitioner but also a new way of living.

    2. Yes, it is a big commitment to say yes to the code of ethics, and yet it is a great honour to myself and to my clients to agree and stick by it.

  77. That is all we need – appreciation of who we are, what we choose that raises love and awareness , and what truly supports us to grow and know ourselves. There are no rules, just a way of living that is true for you and empowers you to truly connect you to who you are on the inside deeply so.

  78. The honesty, openness and straight talk in this article is refreshing and much needed in our world today where many forms of addiction are used to check out from life. But with what is presented here, checking out from life doesn’t bring the rewards we think it does. Only full commitment to life can again build our confidence and acceptance of the strength we have always had within.

    1. There is absolutely nothing to gain from checking out because eventually we all have to return and re visit or walk through whatever mess it is we have made. It is just how it is…. so rather than ignore this fact, it is far more loving to be responsible and be aware and present and it feels so good too!

  79. It’s incredible what we will justify as ‘healthy or natural’ in order to get away with a fix of some sort. ‘Organic’ wine and organic sugar are part of this ‘natural’ movement – which has nothing to do with connection to the body and it’s communication, but everything to do with attaining a form of relief, escape or reward.

    1. As I read your comment Kylie, I thought yes, how silly… how can the word organic suddenly make sugar or alcohol ‘good’ or ‘healthy’ for you!

      1. Or ‘organic chocolate’. I certainly used that one to make it okay for me to eat.

      2. Its crazy isn’t it really, when you think that one word can be used and then so many will eat it thinking it is healthy. I now know lots of products that have organic on the label that really are full of ingredients that are far from healthy!
        And on the note of chocolate, I had a friend who would convince herself it was healthy as it was mint chocolate so it had mint in it!!!!

      3. People use the word ‘organic’ like a stamp of health, not only is this not true but as well, do we take into consideration the energy that the organic product has been grown with or packaged in etc.
        I myself would rather eat a few chemicals then try and digest ‘organic’ food that is grown by a dope smoker. What is the energetic quality of the product if this is the case?

      4. So true, some of the spiritually laden organic produce is a lot more toxic on an energetic level than any pesticide that is for sure.

  80. We are forever learning Anonymous as you say, ‘I have not suddenly “got it” and am not perfect, I am constantly willing to work on myself and be honest and gentle with my own personal development. I now realise that first we have to make the changes in ourselves, to love ourselves first.’

  81. I’ve tried to bury my head in the sand all of my life believing I could never cope with how brutal or nonsensical the world can appear at times to be. Universal Medicine, the practitioners, the students and the modalities have shown me that it is possible to see everything in the world with a depth of clarity I barely thought was possible, and remain un-scarred. As I slowly face the world without flinching I am being supported to stand on my own two feet. There have been times I wanted to hand over to other’s to take responsibility for me but that has never happened. I am always supported to connect with my own authority and all the amazing healing and resolving of issues has actually been my own doing.

  82. Universal Medicine and the modalities it shares, inspires self empowerment, not following. I have never been to self assertive and sure of what is true for me, my body and life….the antithesis of a follower…

  83. So true Natalliya, ‘the life we are living isn’t all that great when we choose a smorgasbord of ways to relieve.’
    It’s so easy to think life is great, but take out all the sugar, coffee, stimulants, alcohol & drugs, entertainment and ‘holidays’ and what are we left with. Most would throw up their hands, as I would have 10 years ago too, in protest that these are the things that make life good… but what if these are the things that mask the fact that life is NOT so good, and the shockingly unhealthy and unwell state of our collective bodies is surely testament to that.

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