by Sandra Schneider, Erftstadt, Germany (English 2nd language)
Serge once said to me: “My joy is to see you (students) returning to who you truly are.”
Well, I can understand that.
I first heard about Serge Benhayon eight years ago. I was sitting in my garden with my partner and our friend Alex, planning our wedding celebration. Alex told us about this guy from Australia he met in England and what he said. I was immediately interested because he spoke about what I had felt my whole life.
When I met Serge the first time I cried, cried, cried. I felt my grief about not being myself for such a long time and I also realised that I felt soooo alone.
I was 35-40 kilos overweight and I had chronic asthma, having to take cortisone every day or die. I felt like I was existing rather than living. So I started to study Esoteric Healing to heal myself.
My relationship with teachers was always good; I was very quick to be ‘the assistant’, very helpful. Not so with Serge Benhayon. I tried my best (I am clever!) to say or do what I thought he wanted so that he liked me, but I felt rebuffed. He ignored me when I wanted his recognition. But he looked right at me and engaged with me when I was letting go of all this ‘wanting’ or ‘needing’, he met me like I had never experienced before in my life. It took time to digest that. I found how much I had identified with being a good student, partner, worker, rebel… whatever – just to have an identity. But being me – who was that?
I started to study me and the way I was living. I started developing a life that was and is healing for me and others.
I had never worked full-time in my life – that felt too much for me; I got sick if I had to work a lot. Now I have 2.5 jobs with a 5-6 day working week and feel great. I love to work. I am really living in and contributing to society now.
I never really trusted other people – I had a few good friends but the rest I did not like or I was not open to have a relationship with them, and I would never talk to strangers. Now I found myself having a lovely conversation with a woman in the supermarket or on the street. I am open to people again and feel part of life!
I believed others were in charge of how I felt and found that if I didn’t take charge of my choices and my life I felt like things happen to me without my input, so I have wanted to control people and every situation. If I was not in control I felt helpless. Now I find that if I take responsibility for myself I can feel me –what is great is that I feel my old choices – which is mostly not so great… and I feel connected to me and others which is back to very great!
The list can go on and on… I lost 35 kilos and don’t have any asthma anymore!!!
But the most important thing to me is I feel really alive and in contact again!
When I see old pictures of myself or some other students… we look like monsters out of another life with all our worries and experiences on our bodies and face! Now our beauty is back – thank you very much Serge Benhayon for inspiring and supporting us… and for your colossal patience.