by Anonymous
I have changed my life for the better since participating in Serge Benhayon’s and Universal Medicine’s workshops.
What Serge has shared with me about relationships is that I must always love myself first before I can truly love another, and to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first – in turn letting them feel that they are love and can share this also.
I also recall Serge presenting to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us, and that this is the commitment to love that we need.
Universal Medicine has also shared with me that there has always been a gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious me on the inside… such that I am a truly loving person, full of joy, full of confidence and full of a deep respect and responsibility for myself, others and life. Not only did Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon suggest that this was in all of us, but they and he offered a true way of how to connect to this, and I thank them deeply for this.
Once I began to connect to this place more regularly, I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished. This was very foreign to me at first, because I had spent most of my life not truly liking who I was, with a deep lack of self-worth, a deep self-loathing, never feeling enough and never having true confidence in life. I tried to cover this up by excelling at everything I did, from school and sports and careers to heavy and abusive binge drinking from the age of 15, experimentation with drugs, risky adrenaline-based activities as well as many so-called ‘random’ partners – oh dear!
I soon came to realise that the alcohol, drugs and adrenaline behaviours were a way to try and cope with life, and the fact that deep down I didn’t like who I was, never felt enough, and was never truly happy with the so-called ‘fantastic and successful life’ that I had created for myself on the outside by excelling at everything.
I also saw that the many partners were a way to try and feel loved, to get touched or get affection to confirm that I was enough, that I was adorable and delicate and worth cherishing – but the truth was that I was never touched in a loving, adoring or cherishing way, so in fact it was just another way to accept abuse in my body and confirm that I was horrible. How ironic.
As my self-worth, self-love and an awareness of how to be another way with myself grew, I began to say no to these unloving behaviours and self-abuse. In particular this process involved me asking people close to me to be more honouring and loving with me in the way they spoke with me and touched me, especially my partner. This was very difficult at first because of the deep self-loathing that was still there, along with an uncomfortable lack of confidence to speak up, because on the inside the self-abuse and self-loathing would speak to me and say “Who’s going to listen to you?” or “Why is what you feel so important?” It is at these times, I’m afraid to admit, when I was very likely to pull out the “Serge (Benhayon) said this” or “Natalie (Benhayon) said that” card, because deep down I didn’t trust that my words, my expressions and my feelings were enough – or would be heard.
This is how and when the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is and was abused, and is commonly done so by other women with the same lack of self-worth. What I was truly trying to express in those moments was what I felt, so it wasn’t a case of doing what I was told – it was more a case of me needing something or someone to back me up, to make sure my partner heard me, because I didn’t feel that I was enough. And for this I am sorry, for it was never truly love that I was expressing.
Now as I have built my self-love and my self-worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first – which is way more important than having another being loving with me.
As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all. And the crazy thing is, I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway. How ironic.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I loved your sharing it kind reminded me of me and how I used to be once upon a time. There were a couple of gold statements, ‘I must always love myself first before I can truly love another’; ‘to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us’.
This has to begin with you, otherwise what’s the point as everything has been developed from one big fast lie. When we truly look within, we realise the things that are of importance and it naturally unfolds to developing a relationship that is from truth, and then that is offered to others, for either to take, or leave it, simple.
As our self love and appreciation of self as well as self worth grows, then it is that much easier to establish boundaries and say no to abusive behaviour or to say no to choices that are not loving. However, this does not happen overnight and is a process that I have had to work on over a period of time, and it is also an on-going process of continual refinement and growth and adjustment.
I agree, we then develop a radar for abuse and we also have the choice of saying yes or no to it. We are constantly refining just like the way our bodies develop from a baby to a geriatric, everything that goes within a body is the same too…
How can we truly love another if we do not love ourselves first? This is a wise thing to ponder on indeed, for the chain is only as strong as its weakest link.
This is very foreign to a lot of women, so great that this is now a part of your life, ‘ I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished.’
Serge Benhayon and the Universal Medicine courses have offered me a black belt in feeling more, but the words to those feelings have to come from my own expression. That is the bit I can find challenging… truly understanding those feelings (and not the reaction that often get interlaced with them) and giving them a voice. It takes practise, I make mistakes, but the understanding grows and I learn to live more of my life in truth.
I love how everything simply points back at loving ourselves deeply. We try going somewhere without it, but it’s actually all about coming back with it to let out more.
Yes it makes it simple, loving ourselves first, then we do not have needs of others, ‘As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.’
It can be tempting to hide behind something or someone else but it is so liberating to express the truth of how we are really feeling about something.
Love is like an eternal ladder that we have to climb at our own pace, so as we re-connect to our essences we can imagine each run has a mirror that reflects where we are ‘at’ for us to feel and then also to be a reflection to everyone else. And those first few runs are for all of us all about understanding Gentleness at-least because for us all being gentle is the starting foundation as even Self-Love is not at the bottom as we have drifted so far away from where being at-least-self-loving that we have to all start at the bottom, which is gentleness. So if we are left behind at times it is because of the difficulties we have in seeing the uplifting reflections that is offered by others this is because we are addicted to our old ways but now a divine reflection is always their and it is up to us all to be responsible for taking the next step in Lifes-evolutionary-ladder when we are ready so no judgement or critique on an-others-ladd-ery-experiences!
Stop for a minute and ask yourself (be absolutely honest) what do I truly treasure? Whatever the answer, this will help.
Honesty is a key to the treasure-trove of Love that is within our essences.
“because of the deep self-loathing that was still there, along with an uncomfortable lack of confidence to speak up”. This leads to so much that is unexpressed that when it is expressed it either comes with a persuasive or justifying edge, neither of which come from the deep knowing that has been lived and is known as a truth in the body.
The lack of self-worth is a pernicious virus that eats away at us and results in a lack of confidence that leads to needing someone else’s words to validate what we want to say, just so someone will listen to us.
If you listen carefully, a feeling is a consistent nudge that we can learn to trust. It comes from inside and is the gold we have to offer the world by reflection.
So many cases of abuse like domestic violence are incresing all over the world. It has become normal being dismissive, speaking harshly to someone when we are frustrated and not being responsible of the energy that we carry with along the day. Blaming men about being aggressive with their partners is not the way. There is something that we as women forgot that is the self-abuse that have infliged towards ourselves in the first place. Allowing self-critical thoughts, being good and nice, compromising ourselves, saying yes when we deep down inside feel no…all of that is also abuse. So maybe we could start to build enough self-worth within us to say no, to put stop to all the abusive behaviours that we feed in the relationship with ourselves first, then we will be truly strong to not allow less than love in any relationship. We will emanate enough decency and respect that there will be no place to any abusive behaviour towards us in our presence.
Something that inspires me very much about Serge and Natalie Benhayon is the steadyness and authority in what they live. There is a delicateness and strength that they emanate that shows me how we all can be in life. The way they present is very alive, playful, real…are all words shared from their lived experience which makes it very accesible. They remind me how love really works and can be lived in my everyday life. I can relate how much beauty and joy I can experience thanks to the work with Universal Medicine, a true blessing that starts within me.
This is such an adorable blog as I can feel how you have honestly turned your life around, yes you tried and did many things in order to cope and get through life as best you could. But really how many of us haven’t done those same things or similar. So what I am reading is that we all have our coping mechanisms and then we come across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and the support that it offered is so caring and understanding that it is possible to let go of the coping mechanisms that have us hanging onto life and re learn how to fully commit to life and find that actually life is very grand when it is lived in full and not from the anxiousness or nervous tension that normally runs our bodies.
I know the pulling out the ‘Serge or Natalie said this card’ out of lack of self-worth. And the irony is I was not heard of course because I was only just regurgitating words without them having lived or experienced myself.
I love your conclusion: ‘there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.’ This was such a revelation for me that I didn’t have to convert another or try to persuade them to make the choices I make that simple being me is enough for them to feel.
When we don’t love ourselves first we are plagued with insecurity lack of self-worth, a lack of inner confidence and when we start to find our inner-truth and continue to feel the connection from within we build our self-worth and our confidence and realise that we do have a huge amount of love for ourselves from within and the more consistent we become with our loving choices the greater our foundation is.
The thing is that there is so much we can bring to the world with our solidness and presence. And, yet, we spend most of our vital time fighting ourselves, not liking ourselves. That guarantees not leaving enough time to share our innate virtues with the world.
It is beautiful to read your words so honest, with your deeply felt apology.
When we know the truth but do not live it yet but want this truth to be lived by all it is easy to fall for the demand towards others to be that way. But then comes the revelation, as you so beautifully describe here, that all we need to do is start with ourselves, all that it takes is learn to love and care deeply for ourselves and the tides are turned how we are met by the world as we have changed how we meet the world.
Forcing ourselves to excel at everything in human life including ‘alcohol, drugs and adrenaline behaviours’ is a really harsh way to treat our bodies.
It is amazing how we find it hard to be the authority of truth even though we know it so. In justification, we make ourselves small, we measure the living out of the truth we know so not to be seen or felt in full.
Learning to take responsibility for ourselves and to be self loving is quite a process, as self disregard and dishonouring of ourselves are pervasive and deep patterns that seem quite normal because so many people are disregarding themselves. We are even taught to put others before ourselves and that sacrifice is “good”. But this just doesn’t work because self love needs to become our foundation before love in its true quality can truly be shared with others (and not the emotional love). This must be one of the most important things our global population needs to reinstate into daily living and education if we are to truly eradicate disharmony and the various maladies we have worldwide that come from the lovelessness we all currently live.
The honesty in this article is refreshing, it is also bringing an awareness to the harm we bring upon ourselves and others don’t live in full the grace of our authority. A very deeply humbling wisdom, one I so greatly understand, and am working with daily to wipe away any doubts and fears that halt my authority from being expressed.
Having completely closed down from feeling in the past, it is now amazing in just how much I can feel and read situations accurately now that I honour and respect myself and my body.
I have also found that the more I love myself and express that love out to everyone around me the less I need or expect others to be loving.
Its interesting when I read about all the drugs that we experiment with / use… I think of alcohol or the illicit drugs. But what about the more mundane, everday one’s that we use – caffeine and out whole endocrine system – choosing to get off on adrenaline or anxiety? The more normal they are the more we unconsciously allow them rather than stopping and realising they are not a natural day to day experience.
The love we deserve is out of this world! Luckily, we have bodies that can express as vehicles of this universal Love.
This is the key difference between so many other forms of self help or religion that I have found. Not only does Serge talk the talk (anyone can tell you how to do things better), but he walks and in that provides a very clear example as well as his teaching in bringing it to life and making it an absolutely relevant way of living.
Thank you Anonymous, this blog spoke to me deeply today in particular ‘if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first’ … so in fact it’s about building that love and strength in us, and allowing ourselves to be and speak from there as we do, no images or expectations here, just a simple, loving, lived way.
Yes and as I have deepened that way of living in myself, I have had less ‘need’ for this from others but have found that it is simply how I am in all areas of my life. My job is to build that consistency so it is a foundation upon which I can stand on from the inside, not the outside.
“Universal Medicine has also shared with me that there has always been a gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious me on the inside… such that I am a truly loving person, full of joy, full of confidence and full of a deep respect and responsibility for myself, others and life.” A beautiful gift when we choose to appreciate and accept this truth.
Living from the inside out is living in connection to the truth of our love, and as such we are guided by our inner-wisdom to live with the confidence to stand strong and be who we are in the world.
Feeling the true love that is within us allows us to appreciate the fragile petals of a rose and breathe the delicate fragrance rather than grab at the stem and get caught on the thorns.
Love builds love, and love welcomes more love. The more we allow and surrender to love, the fuller we become, and the more we offer the gift of love without wanting or expecting another to do the same.
This is a real turn around from not liking who you are, ‘with a deep lack of self-worth, a deep self-loathing, never feeling enough and never having true confidence in life.’ to now, ‘I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished.’ This is so true and gorgeous.
What you share here is key, yes we have to love self first, without that as a foundation how can we love another, ‘I must always love myself first before I can truly love another, and to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first ‘. Absolutely.
It’s a divine equation where, when we love ourselves more, then we love others and the less we need others to love us.
Well said Lucy – love this ‘divine equation’ as the purpose is always for the love of all.
I can really relate to the ‘so and so said…’ card – and yes, definitely, there’s the lack of confidence, and for me there is also the lack of willingness to be responsible for the choice I am making. I can feel how I was happy to give my authority away if it was to avoid any possible attack. Instead I am nominating something/someone as a scapegoat just in case if it turns out what I am choosing was not right/good. Very exposing how unloving the loving choices I thought I was making.
To love ourselves first before we can love another makes not only sense but is so very possible to live and has an enormous effect on how we are with each other. When we start with ourselves, caring and loving ourselves, we naturally take this to everything we do and everyone we meet.
This is great and a confirmation to read “I started to like myself more, respect who I am, and appreciate that I deserve nothing but gentleness and deep nurturing, care and even adoration, and to be cherished.” We all need this kind of love for ourselves and it does not matter how much love you receive from another if your not committed to loving yourself first because, at the end of the day the love you feel is the love you are.
This says it all “As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.” So, for me to be more loving with myself is to accept all I feel in my body and stay with it tuning into what I know that supports me. This includes letting go what does not support me.
The greatest relationship we can ever have is with self- first and then all our relationships are a beautiful and loving reflection of what lives within us.
It is not with knowledge when we speak with authority but when we speak from self-worth and love.
“I also recall Serge presenting to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us, and that this is the commitment to love that we need.” This is such an eloquent description of how ‘to be love’.
The quality that Serge Benhayon engenders is not blind following but self-worth, love and appreciation, not from beliefs and ideals but through practical ways to live that reconnect us to true nature, which is this.
“As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it.” This is what I am finding too if we express lovingly with tenderness and honesty there is nothing for someone else to connect to other than to feel the love we are expressing. Express anything less than love and it gives others the opportunity to express less too. It is amazing to put this into action and feel how simple and uncomplicated life can be.
I have pulled the “Serge said” or “Natalie said” card many times with my family, and when I’ve done that, it doesn’t’ come with the lived wisdom of either of them because I’ve used it to not speak up or to control or manipulate something I would like changed. It just pushes others away more and sets up a incorrect perception of Serge and Natalie or any others we use.
So true Aimee. I have done it, too, and it is abusive of both them and myself.
I recall learning the same thing about commitment to love in a relationship Anonymous and it had a very powerful impact on me too. Understanding what it really means to love another, and that love is a state of being we hold and can express from, changes everything… there is nothing to seek or ask of another, only the ever-deepening potential of our own love to be. The rest takes care of itself in that another will choose to do the same, and hence offer back the same reflection of love, or say no, and choose to leave the relationship. Very simple really.
Thank-you for sharing this anonymous. Pulling the ‘Serge said’ or ‘Natalie said’ card needs to be exposed for all that it is in full, and how deeply dishonouring it is of people such as Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon who present true wisdom for all. The understanding that we may resort to this, due to a lack of foundational worth in ourselves is important for all to not only consider, but take home and deeply so.
If I were on the receiving end of such a statement, when feeling emotionally reactive, it would steer my focus to blame the influence of others on why my partner may be changing and/or trying to say that something wasn’t ok, for example, rather than having the opportunity to go deeper and actually look at the ill-dynamics that have been raised in the relationship.
‘Ironic’, or might we say ‘deeply confirming’… that the the love we know within ourselves is tantamount to determining what we will or won’t accept from others, and how we are impacted upon (or not) by another’s actions and behaviours.
SO true – when we love ourselves we are less needy of receiving that love from others. That is such a freedom to others in our lives and means our relationships are brimming with love!
“the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also” This is great wisdom Anonymous and is great to try this way of being out – give it a test run. It brings in self-responsibility to because we begin to see more deeply all of the reflections on offer, rather than looking outwardly and perhaps blaming someone or wanting someone to change (which I know I have been caught in myself).
Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine constantly supports me to feel my inner qualities such as beauty, sensitivity, clarity and so much more including the grandness, continuously helping me to be and live the true me which I have always known but chose to be unaware. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is showing me that we hold a wisdom within our inner heart that is far greater than we ever imagined.
We don’t love ourselves enough and feel incomplete and then seek others on the outside to fulfil us or complete us and then they don’t or can’t love us as we know we deserve to be loved because they in turn do not love themselves enough and so we are confirmed as being unlovable! What a set up and so great to expose this merry go round and break the cycle once and for all.
What is on the outside is a reflection of what is on the inside so if I want to be adored, cherished, respected, listened to and loved then it makes absolute sense to me that I give all of these qualities to myself first.
I have never considered that people with lack self worth or lack of confidence from not living the wisdom Serge presents, would use ‘Serge says’ as a way of backing up what has been said, but it makes complete sense. How gorgeous that you can come to a place where you can look back and see what you were doing and why and now live in a way that no longer needs to do that for you speak the truth through the way you live.
I used my relationships in the past to fill gaps or needs and actually had that expectation on others. Now I take responsibility, full responsibility, for my own love, and my relationships (with friends, family colleagues etc) are oh so different. They have breathing space to allow for what is naturally there between us, instead of me filling it with my imposed expectations.
We are less bothered and expecting of other people’s love when we love ourselves how very true, so if we do react then the question becomes how are we in loving ourselves in that moment and how can we bring more love to ourselves from us.
What you’ve done is so important. As I write this there is a discussion in the country where I live of whether porn should be banned and filters put up to restrict the flow of porn through computer servers. Some argue that this is not a good idea because of free will and choice and so on. But they do not consider the abuse that is promoted through porn and the harm it infilters in us and all of society. The way porn works is very sneaky and insidious and it has a very hooking energy to it. This we can all feel when we are touched in a way that does not feel appropriate or loving and calling this out is very important and needed. I don’t think you mentioned porn in your blog but I found it quite relevant to the topic.
Loving ourself is all that we need, it is this what we miss the most, this innate love that is inside and possible to feel in every moment.
This is a beautiful unraveling of how we crave love but allow so much abuse instead and thank you for sharing that we are all worth being cherished and loved and that it starts with us loving and cherishing ourselves, which quite naturally supports us to love and cherish everybody else and leaves us less and less needing love from another as we can feel more and more the love that we are, as we are basically filled with love, ‘our’ love, and thus do not need to be filled with love from the outside.
What first attracted me to Serge Benhayon was that he said “Do not believe anything I say until you have felt the truth of it yourself”.
I am understanding that what Serge is presenting is to help us look at life a different way, but we need to figure out that way by ourselves. He can start us out but we have to come to realize that everything we need we already have inside of us.
Scary thought, but that is taking true responsibility for ourselves.
Lovely Anonymous you describe with wonderful simple words that self love is the best medicine ever.
Its very important if we slip into an old pattern to actually feel what was going on for us at the time- usually a hurt has been triggered that we must be responsible for, take a look at and work on.
I too found it tricky to get used to having a voice and to speaking up about how I felt- it felt like an effort, and it was scary at first. Now I am slowly developing confidence in expressing how I feel, every time I do it, its like a monumentous occasion, worth noting and deeply appreciating, because each time i get more used to honouring me.
You have shared your experiences so eloquently. There was a time many years ago when I didn’t feel that what I felt was enough, born through this insecurity I also used the “Serge said’ line and in doing so bastardised the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, it is very humble for you to admit and take responsibility for your choices, humility is a very inspiring quality to possess.
‘I also recall Serge presenting to not walk away from another person if they find it difficult to accept either that they are love, or to let the love in and feel that there is in fact someone who loves them deeply; then it will be them who walk away – not us, and that this is the commitment to love that we need.’ What an amazing commitment and what a beautiful way to live, what if we made love the most important thing in the world? It would change the way we do everything, including standing beside those who need love the most.
‘I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway’ My experience also, Anonymous, to deepen the love we have for ourselves, stops the forever search outside for validation and approval. We simply walk with love and bring this to others.
Brilliant Anonymous , especially the last sentence; which blews my socks off. As if we have love within ourselves (build) we can not truly miss love, as we are the one who have it build in the first place. Only love can add to love. So whenever this is expressed by two, it doubles the expression, which is amazing. So when love is expressed there is no space for abuse. Thank God for Serge Benhayon, who has presented this fact in this era to us all.
I love the honesty in this blog as I feel many people have pulled the ‘Serge said card’ and that most are not willing to admit either that they did it or why. It takes a real vulnerability to truly go there and feel any lack of self-worth or lack of confidence, and accept the choices that we’ve made that have led to these behaviours. However once we go there, feel it in our body this is then the key that unlocks it all, for us to feel free and feel that these things are not actually who we are.
What I am learning is that the process of building self-love and self-worth is a gradual process. It doesn’t change overnight and there are times that I slip back into old behaviours that undermine rather than support my self-worth. The key I’ve found is to be super gentle with myself, to be as aware as I can at the time (to the best of my ability), and if/when I slip up, to see this as an ‘oops’ rather than an exercise to berate myself. I’m finding this process is building far more acceptance of myself and others, while still allowing me to take responsibility for my choices.
“there has always been a gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious me on the inside” beautifully said anon. And when we reconnect to the gentle, loving, delicate, amazing and precious being that we are we can feel these same wonderful qualities in another and another and another.
I love this analogy Luke, that we can relate learning to Love oursleves to cleaning our homes. Its so true and so simple. If we just pay attention to one area/room at a time, and set new standards for that area, gradually and seamlessly we can make a true committment to our own innate way of being without even trying.
All we need is love, (I’ll stop before the song goes any further)
But essentially this is exactly what we need, releasing from the inside out.
Start small and work out.
Think about a home, it is a mess. It is much easier to clean each room one at a time because a standard can be set. If we try to clean the entire house in one go, we would rush, miss spots and not take the time that the cleaning deserves.
Love is a constant commit and a natural way of being.
It is not merely a fixer when things get too messy.
Lack of self worth in women is endemic and, is forever caught in this self-feeding loop that ensures it continues as we continually choose to not speak up for ourselves – mainly due to the uncomfortableness this may cause. Standing there in our true whole hearted expressions as women can only cause ripple effects because it is done so rarely, but as this article highlights, the more love we are with ourselves the less these ripples can affect us and the more love is available for everyone to see, and experience.
“As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all. And the crazy thing is, I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway. How ironic.” Gorgeous Anonymous. The world is truly a mirror and reflects back to us what we put out.
I have also felt how in the past my many achievements never felt enough, how I would always find something else to do, to challenge me. All the time looking at the outside world, until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine where I was able to understand that from my own connection and self love, comes confidence and the knowing and understanding that there is nothing to prove to the outside world, or to myself, as I am already everything I need to be.
Often we fear to dig deep in anticipation to what we may discover?
– a person who is careless?
– someone who has no worth?
But when we build up the confidence to take the time to sit and take stock of the treasures deep within. In some cases very deep down. We discover every shovel was well worth it to make it to the gold.
So cool Anonymous, how ironic, yes I absolutely agree. We have sold out, sold ourselves short by dis-empowering ourselves. If I look at my past (and still parts in my current life) I can sense a power-less behavior. A behavior I have used to lessen what I know deep down inside. I have been playing dumb, how ironic. I have been actually holding back all the power I have got inside. When you shared about using ‘Serge Benhayon Said’ I could actually feel how I have done that, from my lack of connection with myself, from this empty place of needing someone else(lack of my own self-worth). It is now , that I stand I feel to say that I am truly sorry for pretending that I did not know, pretending that I was not love and holding back the truth I known within myself. I am now claiming ‘ I know’ and not ‘Serge Benhayon said’.
Anon what you share is true. The more I love myself the less I need others to validate me … and the more I live what I know to be true the greater the authority when I speak, naturally so.
Wow, what a fantastic blog Anonymous! I’m sure its not just me who can relate to what you have written here. It is very easy to stay in the comfort of feeling not good enough but the reality is that there is a way out of this hole if we are prepared to keep working on self love.
Your presentation highlights the power of embracing ourselves and our power through claiming more of our love in our loving way and as such detaching more and more from what another says and behaves like. What could be more beautiful than claiming more and more of a true relationship with God within us?
This is a beautiful testimonial of self-empowerment. Not only can we let go of the ‘Serge Benhayon said…’ – we are asked to discern all aspects of our lives where we build our choices on what someone says, thinks, expects of us etc.
Thank you anonymous for sharing your heart felt truth. Lack of self worth causes so much trouble in our lives and permeates our every decision, we cannot make loving choices until we cease the self criticism, appreciate and love ourselves.
Inspiring and honest blog Anonymous, thank you for sharing. “it was more a case of me needing something or someone to back me up, to make sure my partner heard me, because I didn’t feel that I was enough” how awesome to be out of that and lovingly and confidently express from your inner heart now 🙂 I too have felt this lack in myself sometimes but as my choices change to more self-loving and self-nurturing ones this lack is being left behind.
It is so crazy anonymous how so many look for love and confirmation outside of themselves. As you say in your last paragraph :”As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also…” shows how everything we are searching for is within us and how important it is to live from this inner being. Through self-love we build on our self-worth and connect to the precious beings we naturally are. Thank you for this beautiful reflection.
yes true Marika, in fact it is a lack of trust in our own authority. I also love the honesty of this blog.
So true annon, when we build a foundation of love for ourselves we do not ‘need’ or seek that love outside of ourselves. Universal Medicine inspires us to re-connect again to this love and the truth within us.
Yes it is important to build the love first for ourselves. As without this we have not marker to what is not love. Universal Medicine are a great reflection for this love to guide us back to ourselves.
I’ve just come across this blog through the link on https://truthaboutsergebenhayon.com/2015/08/20/serge-benhayon-said/#more-4586 which I’m grateful for since I obviously missed it when it came out 3 years ago. There’s lots to ponder in your blog, Anonymous, but the points I like most are 1. to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first 2. I’m less bothered by other people’s lovelessness because I’ve already got love anyway. 3. The more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also. Thank YOU.
It makes so much sense that we often search or demand something from another person what we do not have on our own and therefore miss it. Especially love, care and affection.
Dear Anonymous I also have found that “the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me”. I’m still learning to fully appreciate myself but I’m far more forgiving of my mistakes and that of others since incorporating the teachings of Universal Medicine in my life on a day to day basis. Life is definitely less complicated now and I wonder how much deeper I can go in embracing everyone around me without the need to compare and or judge.
This blog is profoundly revealing, supportive and inspirational to me, thank you Anonymous. Your sentence: “Now as I have built my self-love and my self-worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling, it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first – which is way more important than having another, being loving with me.” it helps me as I feel the truth and the pull in it, to get further on in my process of developing self-love and self-worth.
I love how you describe that we are less bothered by other people’s lovelessness when we claimed love for ourselves first because then we have love already and do not need it from someone else.
Thank you Sandra – this is a great point in the article and one that is super relevant to me. I feel the more Love I have in my foundations and how I treat myself, the less hurt I get by other people choosing to be otherwise. At the moment I know I can deepen the level of Love and care in all that I do and that is why I react when I see others not living to the potential of love I know they are too.
I agree Sandra, this is so true and something I am finding in my own life the more that I learn to love myself for who I am. What is so striking is that when I am met with lovelessness from another, the less my body will have a reaction in that there is less and less anxiousness and nervous tension, but rather a growing steadiness that comes from within. It is a relativley new experience but one that confirms the loving choices that I am now making not only to myself, but also to others.
‘As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also;’ This is so true. As the saying goes – we cannot love another without first loving ourselves, the reflections the world offers us is that which we need to heal e.g. people treating us unlovingly is a prompt to treat ourselves with more love.
This is such an honest blog and it is an inspiring reminder that it all comes when we just spend more time looking within and connecting with and confirming our own true inner beauty.
Thank you Anonymous – love what you have shared and the openness that you have shared it in. Speaking from our authority rather than relying on another is so important – people are not fooled and can tell when what we share comes from being backed up by what another has said or if it is from our own lived experiences – the latter being so much stronger in its delivery. Your honesty and openness in this blog is inspiring – thank you again!
Very true Henrietta, when we lack the confidence that comes with living a life untrue, we have to dig deeper and be honest about our choices, and cherish every bit of truth we do feel.
A very honest and open blog Anonymous, thank you.
I absolutely adore what you write here, true deep healing on the page through true expression. “Now as I have built my self love and my self worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’ m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first…” Being honest and taking responsibility for ourselves, is the only way for us to heal and build a true foundation of love and care. When I first came into contact with the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I watched and waited in a ‘judgemental’, ‘wary’ and ‘protective’ manner to see if any cracks would appear concerning its integrity and consistency, (they didn’t appear) I jumped in and began to attend courses with enthusiasm. This ‘enthusiasm’ and finding a reconnection with a truth within me and my expression turned into a ‘righteousness’ at times in its delivery because I had not built yet a foundation of true self love and care. It was an imposition on those around me and a misinterpretation of the teachings delivered by Universal Medicine. I take responsibility for that, and I also know that we are all here to learn, and we are going to make what we call ‘mistakes’ or ‘unloving choices’ along the way….how we resolve and take responsibility for these choices is what matters. This I can say now upon reflection is the case because I feel very steady and sure of the foundation I now live with, it supports me deeply and I am now learning to be love first with out imposition or demand on another.
This sentence stands out for me: “As it turns out, the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also; so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.” This is a wonderful confirmation, thanks for sharing!
This blog raises a very important point about relationships. We might be expressing something that has some truth in it, but if we do not fully love and accept ourselves first then when we express something it does not carry that quality of love and understanding in it and ends up sounding like a rule or an edict or preaching. There is no equalness in it and therefore no love. We fool ourselves into thinking that we are being loving but you can’t just switch on love, even when you are saying ‘I love you’. True love can only flow from living love every day with ourselves so that when we share what we feel with others it naturally comes with the same quality.
I love what you share here Andrew. That expression without the quality of love and understanding embodied, even if the words have some truth, do not carry love and equalness. When I have felt expression from someone living love it is truly inspirational.
This blog explores a resounding truth about love that as soon as it is spoken or read very few people would disagree with it but boy oh boy do very few choose to love themselves and offer love as you have described it here Anonymous. Love is not spoken about truthfully enough and the practical detail you share from what Serge Benhayon presents can’t be repeated enough as a truth that belongs to us all.
Thank you for a very honest blog. As you I love that Serge Benhayon has always been very clear that we need to discern everything we hear or read, no exception to his teachings. This has felt empowering from day one and for the first time I heard someone present truth that I could not refuse as my body was so clearly confirming that what I heard was the absolute truth about life, love, relationships and myself.
I recognise so much of what you have written here Anonymous, especially having lack of self worth and not feeling like I had the authority of what I truly know to back me up.
Anonymous, this is one of the exquisitely honest blogs I have read. The ‘realness’ of what you describe is lived and true. I shared a very similar experience and because I did not have the foundation of love in my body I also pulled out the ‘rules’ cards. What I love about how you have described this, is how delicate and non-judgemental and understanding you are with yourself. This speaks a million words about where you have come from and where you are now. And nowadays, I too find that with more love on board, the natural emanation tends to reflect back the same love and respect “so there is not a need for me to say anything because my being says it all.” How ironic indeed – we are expressing without verbally needing to say it. I just loved this blog – thank you so very much.
This is a beautifully written and honest blog to read. To feel that we are gentle, amazing, delicate, and full of love inside, and have gone to extreme lengths to hide it from both ourselves and each other. It is inspiring to read how you are now more loving with yourself, and in turn naturally more open with others
That’s pretty great. I can admit to also not having the confidence to back my own feelings, knowing they were true to the core, but also believing I didn’t have the power get the message across. As a result I also used to use the ‘he said, she said’ tactic, which I too am very sorry for using. So concernced was I that everything I said would fall on deaf ears, I took myself completely out of the picture and manipulated the information to make it sound as though it came from a greater authority. But there is no greater authority than me when it comes to my self and my feelings. And it gets easier, with a little time and continuing work on my self appreciation and self love, the expression becomes clearer and more absolute.
How beautiful to grow and claim that your expression is as worthy as any other. This is a huge change from the self loathing that many of us live or lived in. Self loathing is very isolating whereas self love connects us with everyone.
Anonymous I love your wonderful ironies, and appreciate the honesty with which you express how you used what another said, in this case Serge Benhayon, to validate your expression because you didn’t feel you were enough. It’s inspiring to hear about how you have developed a relationship with truth within yourself that guides you in how you are and express.
I love what you have so honestly and openly shared. When we find our own connection within ourselves, and learn to be the love that we are first, we become more open and understanding of another.
True, when we don’t have the confidence to express how we are feeling we try and grab something that can ‘back us up’ and justify what we say. Im amazed at what happens when I do actually express myself, I am understood. Sometimes there is reaction but mostly there is a sense of unity when I truly express myself.
I love your honest sharing. Serge and other practitioners have been used a lot by students to address things we are not living ourselves yet. Great to be aware of that and to realize we can claim it for ourselves and once we live it we are expressing it anyway.
I love the honesty with which this blog is being presented with. I know that ‘so-and-so said…’ card. When I use that, I am reducing myself to a follower, or it simply exposes that I do not have the authority of lived experience to claim as my truth. Either way, I am contradicting the exact teachings I am saying that I am adhering to – to live from the inner-most, the esoteric.
what an awesome blog A. I have experienced this also, using other people’s names as a ‘back up’ for what I was feeling as I felt my feeling would not be enough or be taken seriously. I have seen it in a lot of people and as you say it often comes down to self worth and confidence. The other side of it is what you start with: if we love each other unconditionally and see each other for who we truly are we can allow each other to make mistakes and we will not need to protect ourselves before we share how we truly feel.
A beautifully honest sharing. Building the love for ourselves first can feel wobbly at first, I know for myself this has been the case, but bit by bit, step by step, it starts to become more comfortable and then the unloving ways of the past begin to appear more and more obvious, and become less and less easy to slip into.
To just trust that I am enough and therefore I am the authority on what I feel.
Beautiful blog, building self love makes so many needs go away.
What a great blog. Crazy thing is I relate to it really well. We spend so much time trying to fix our lives from our head and tick boxes that of course it is always ‘someone said’. That can be the doctor, the accountant, the butcher, not just Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon or anyone else. When we develop that learning from our own life experiences it is so much less stressful because you just know what you need and what to say. It comes from your body, not your head. Such a duh moment!
Anon what you share is so important. How we are with ourselves is often reflected by how others respond … and wanting others to respond in a particular way is a sign that we are not giving that quality of care to ourselves in some way. A great reminder, thank you!
What an awesome blog. I love what you share about not walking away, never. I have walked away in the past, because I took things personal or wanted something in return. I am learning now to stay, to not go anywhere and to stay open with people always, no matter what. It’s work in progress but beautiful work in progress.
Building our own self worth as you have done anonymous, is a game-changer, and what if this kind of psychology was introduced to our children at school?
Great sharing about living from the authority in ourselves and not relying on others.
Wow Anonymous, thank you for this blog.
When we choose to be love we inspire others to connect to that same love that is within us all. When we choose to be love, we allow others the time and space to choose the same, with no expectations.
This is a fabulous blog! Thank you Anonymous for writing it.
Absolutely agree that when we claim the love for ourself the lovelessness of others is something we are not affected by but actually want to bring a truer reflection to.
I don’t need to say anything because the more loving I am with myself that I reflect out the more love others reflect back to me. Great words, Thanks.
Thankyou Anonymous, all that you have shared is both beautiful and very inspiring. To ‘give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first’ would truly revolutionise the foundations of how society is presently functioning. Great blog.
A beautiful honest piece of writing, thank you. It’s lovely to ready how the growing love in your body is now your back up, no need to prove or justify anything when it is very easily being lived.
There is a lot of wisdom on offer here so thank you for writing so fully and honestly about your life. I understand what you share about not feeling your own expression will be good enough and having to back it up. We do this in other ways too, particularly using words that are common in groups we participate in, instead of our own authentic and unique expression and way of saying things. You have highlighted how expression is a reflection of our own relationship to ourselves and our acceptance of our self.
It’s great that you are now feeling for yourself, that you deserve to express and be love and nurturing with yourself, instead of just backing Serge or Natalie Benhayon’s words.
‘I’ve already got love anyway’, it is so true, we have all these tricks up our sleeve to try to get love from people, when the love is and always has been inside us all the time.
A very important point is written by you, Anonymous! Many times the Benhayon family has been used to emphasise a point where we are shaky towards others, or want to be right, or have not lived ourselves what we are saying is truth etc. This is something to always be aware of and to call it out (expose it) when needed.
It’s interesting that we know that the loving words of Serge are true yet to claim the love we know we are is at first a shaky step because we haven’t felt our true selves for so long. To consider that falling back on “Serge says” is abusive is a shock but highly worth considering. Instead of doing this, stepping up to claim the truth is by far more honouring.
Well said anonymous! Resorting to Serge’s or Natalie’s as a tool against partners not only is a way to bastardise the work, to create enemies to it, but also is a clear sign that the relationship is not truly between equals as one uses the statements to elevate him-herself.
This is a beautiful example of how important it is to have a strong foundation of love for ourself first. And to honor our own power, not make it something someone else said but truly feel it and let it come from inside you.
Thank you for honestly sharing your story of returning back to the love you truly come from, and finding the inner strength to support you in your life. Very inspiring.
I love your honesty, as I too can relate to feeling the need to back up what I say, rather than knowing that it needs to come from my own livingness for others to feel it. This paragraph “Now as I have built my self-love and my self-worth, I recognise that if I don’t have the inner strength to express what I’m feeling it’s because I haven’t built this same love and respect (that I am asking for from others) towards myself first – which is way more important than having another being loving with me.” really stood out for me and confirmed that it begins with loving ourselves first.
To me this blog names one very important and basic detail of living my life – it is not to fulfill what others present unless I feel it and live it from my own truth. And the foundation to get to this living truth is – as you share – ‘the depth of self love that I’m able to feel for myself’. Some may have – like I did – never considered this as a way of living. Today I’m clumsy but steady walking this way of return – which feels sometimes like a walking the unknown. That scares me from time to time – but having experienced the feeling of joy that self love brings to me always pulls me back on track..
Yes I agree. The backup comment when we haven’t quite claimed the feeling oursleves can be lethal. The more we connect and feel the confidence of knowing what we are saying through living it…. the less inclined we are to need the second voice.
Great blog thank you A. 🙂
A truly inspiring blog anonymous! We so often look outside of ourselves for verification of what we have said or feel, especially when we have had low self esteem and not felt heard. I know that the more I am loving and appreciating who I am the less this is necessary. With the teachings of Serge Benhayon and the Ancient Wisdom showing us that we have all we ever need within us and are all loved equally by God and never judged how can we judge ourselves?
If we are the love that we naturally come from, we are never the ones that are left behind or abandoned. To hold back love keeps us in a prison. I decided to leave the prison. One step at a time 🙂
Gorgeous Steffi :).
Gorgeous to read and such a beautiful reminder that we can all bring ourselves the gentleness, nurturing, adoration and care that we can look to others to provide. We deserve nothing less than to cherish ourselves like this.
Claiming the love within us and learning to live it for ourselves, as ourselves, is the ultimate relationship guidance we could ever adopt. Well done and thank you for your honesty.
Thanks Gemma- you said what I felt too. This blog, with simplicity, offers the ultimate relationship guidance.
It is a great point you make of how we so often do not feel enough and so rely upon the support of another, or their words, to back us up. The consequence is such that it comes across that it is not our own opinion but that we are someone’s follower. It is so important that we speak with our own voice and from our hearts.
A very honest article – thanks for this. I agree that it is deeply important to trust and accept the authority of our own true knowing and words, as opposed feeling like we have to qualify what we say by saying ‘this person said this or that’ type stuff…
This blog is sharing a journey which is actually quite amazing in fact, that you can begin to love and respect yourself and your own body and as you begin to live that love life changes without any trying. Thank you for sharing.
‘I must always love myself first before I can truly love another, and to give everyone the opportunity to feel loved by loving them first and not asking them or expecting it from them first – in turn letting them feel that they are love and can share this also’. Awesome, it is so true, love and worship yourself first if you want all your relationships to work and flow in harmony. Thank you for sharing so honestly.
Yes the more we build love in our own bodies for ourselves the less we are affected by the outside and the more we can observe life rather than absorb the energy that is around us. We can truly understand more of what is going on and not react to the lovelessness around us but express from truth and love, taking responsibility for our own choices however much they seem to go against the grain. A work in progress, as they say, as we reclaim our own authority.
This article makes many great points including that we cannot truly love and cherish another, before we do that for ourselves. When we have low self-esteem we rely upon an external reference point, but that what we are expressing does not have true value until we no longer need an external reference. Thank you for sharing this really important point, of how the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine can be abused.
Yes I agree with this blog that so often we demand from others what we refuse to give ourselves – deep love and respect. How can they love and cherish us when they can see and feel that we don’t love and cherish ourselves?
Thank you, yes I couldn’t agree more, when we have love nothing more is required. When we are with our own love others feel there is no neediness from us requiring them to be a certain way and this is how the magic of love gets to be felt and shared by all.
Thank you very much. What an awesome piece of writing. I can relate to most of what you said and I feel deeply inspired. I especially love the last paragraph which sums it up perfectly. Yes, it is that simple. Lovely.
Its takes great courage to admit the truth about how we abuse Serge and the Unimed team by playing “Serge said …” instead of “I feel …”. Thank you so much for your honesty and you express it so well when you say “the more I am loving with me, the more others naturally can’t help but be more loving with me also”. Its very true, when we connect to and express our own love, it is felt in the wider world, inviting others to join in – how amazing is that?
Your article has reminded me of one of the many reasons I like the blogs so much, that we can learn to express, that we have a voice and we can all learn from them. I too had much self loathing and lack of self worth that to ‘speak up’ and say what you really feel would mean rocking the boat that it was easy to back it up with what someone else had said rather than feeling what I was able to express for myself at that moment. People can feel this dis-honesty and re-act to it. I still catch myself saying something that is not necessary and how uncomfortable that feels, and as you say we don’t have to say anything as being all of you is enough, and if there is something to say it will come. I experienced this the other day at work. For the first time in two and a half years a colleague said to me don’t go and sit on your own come and sit on this table. I sat next to her and we hardly spoke and it felt amazing that she was not expecting or wanting to talk that it was just 2 people having lunch together. There was a lot of chatter on the table but I could feel the connection without words of just being with her.
Alison I can get caught in thinking that talking means connection… especially with those closest to me, and if we are not talking than we are disconnected. I know this is not true, like you shared also, there have been many times were I have felt just as connected to someone, not saying a thing, then have a deep and meaningful conversation.
Thank you for your honesty which has helped to explain the tensions experienced within some relationships that have been incorrectly attributed to Serge. I love your last paragraph… it carries inspiration as it exemplifies the wonderful transition you have made in your life.
I so appreciate your honesty , thank you for sharing .
Thank you for sharing such a simple truth Anonymous – a truth where (true) love always starts with self-love. In opening ourselves to self-love, we allow ourselves to truly love others (with no expectation or need for them to love us back), and providing an opportunity for them to connect to the love they themselves naturally are. Amazingly simple and simply amazing!