by Janina Koch, nearby Cologne, Germany (English 2nd language)
I have been doing the workshops with Serge Benhayon now, since 5 years, being committed to go to the UK from Cologne three times a year in May, June and November.
There has been so much I have learned in this time about myself – becoming more and more aware and allowing myself to feel. Becoming aware how much I actually feel but rather choose not to, as I have felt easily overwhelmed by people, situations and expectations. So, I have very well-developed techniques not to feel me: for many years I used TV, alcohol and food. During a day of work or studying I looked forward to coming finally home to my evenings of TV, drinks, crisps and chocolate, or to meet a friend and to drink and eat together.
I didn’t really know to feel joyful and harmonious in my body, but somehow I preferred to rebel against it all than to do it the way everybody did it. I kept myself busy or numb, or was involved in emotional turmoil with my partner.
A few years ago Serge Benhayon said to me, “Beautiful Janina, be love”… I took it as a compliment of my looks; little did I know, at the time. I was so convinced that I was wrong, a failure, being unemployed a lot, not having a successful, happy life. I was so used to put myself down for anything.
The first two years of going to the courses in England, I tried very hard to be gentle and to behave in an ‘esoteric way’ – feeling that I won’t manage to ‘get it’ or to succeed. Even though, nobody asked me to be in a certain way.
Serge’s message was always clear – choose to be love and choose to be you. In the beginning I did not let in the message ‘choose to be you’ – as being me was certainly not something I wanted to be.
Over two and half years ago I went to my first seminar with Chris James, a 5-day retreat (singing). This was a revelation for me. I discovered that singing is natural for me. When I sing I allow myself to feel me. To express me in a loving and self-supportive way has showed me how beautiful I really am.
This has opened closed doors, a process to slowly open myself to discover more of my true essence. And to develop more trust in me and that I can go “with me” out into the world.
What is very inspiring all along the way are the beautiful and loving esoteric students I have met from all around the world.
And a big Thank you here to Serge Benhayon and Chris James.
I live in Germany, we have really great Esoteric practitioners and students here and their reflections are very inspiring – now including me!
The other day I started drawing a picture – a woman with a big heart, flying hair, going up some stairs – I wrote: stepping up to be me.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Truly isn’t that what we all want for ourselves and each other, to just be and live who we truly are. This is a tenet of Universal Medicine and there is support for you for this. It’s like we are consistently living a lie, living a part of the truth and from there a lot is going wayward or ‘wrong’. When you choose to peel things back and bring dedication to what feels true to you and explore this consistently the world has a different view. It’s not my way or your way it’s our way and from there it’s all one and not a number of seperate parts.
Thank you Janina, I have found that when I sing I also seem to let all of me out, I feel very connected to me and so joyful to simply express from my heart. Singing is such a simple yet powerful thing to do!
Serge Benhayon inspires us to become aware of the true love that we naturally are if we choose to be who we truly are.
A beautiful and tender sharing of you returning to be you in full.
In future ages, there will be recordings of this extraordinary man who walked the planet and talked with such wisdom grace and love, one of the things that he told so many people were so simple… Just to be love… One day this will change the axis of awareness of humanity, and the bearer of this message will be truly appreciated.
Trying to be something or someone to ‘fit in’, look good, behave in a certain way or to even find ourselves never works ‘I tried very hard to be gentle and to behave in an ‘esoteric way’ – feeling that I won’t manage to ‘get it’ or to succeed. Even though, nobody asked me to be in a certain way.’ Being true and honest with ourselves regardless of how others are and letting ourselves be is the only way and it feels really good to hear how this happened for you 💕
A gorgeous story Janina of self-love, self appreciation and self responsibility; a beautiful gift for us all, thank you.
I love this Janina ‘stepping up to be me’ – the greatest gift we can ever give ourselves and others.
I can feel the appreciation you have for yourself Janina and the choice you are now making for yourself. A very beautiful celebration of yourself.
Beautiful to hear Janina. When you are met in love for who you are you realise just how far you have been living away from it. Serge Benhayon forever meets you for who you are.
If the world only valued the truth of our hearts, over our outer achievements, looks and the rest… it would be a very different place, and none would be able to lose sight of their own inherent beauty as easily as can be done today.
Thank God for Serge Benhayon, yourself Janina, and all those who are willing to see past the veneer to the truth of who we are – no matter the layers it may be covered in, or the denial of our innate beauty we’ve allowed ourselves to believe…
“Stepping up to be Me”. I love that.
There is nothing more beautiful that being able to take yourself out into the world and to express all you are after hiding behind self created doors for so long. Stepping up is indeed something to share so that others can realize they can choose that for themselves too.
Beautiful Janina indeed, whose voice, when she claims it, is so beautiful and delicate and strong that it is a reflection of the deepest tenderness and beauty
Janina, I love your “stepping up to be me” picture of a woman with a big heart, flying hair, going up some stairs. Absolutely Gorgeous and so are you! Great blog, very inspiring!
Janina I can completely understand how singing brought you back into connection with yourself. I find that when I am truly connected to me and loving myself I naturally sing, and when the singing stops it’s a signal I am not being myself. Even my dogs start dancing around me again when the singing returns because they feel my joy to simply be and express me again.
Janina, you describe the ways you used to numb yourself not to feel yourself. I think sometimes we numb ourselves not to feel all that is NOT us – all the stuff we have absorbed and how much we are actually missing ourselves and our connection to others.
When we are not choosing to be ourselves or are not connected to ourselves we can absorb all sorts of energies that are not us. For example, if someone expresses anger towards you, you can feel that go into the body like an assault. Then all this poison builds up and feels horrible in our body and we get exhausted so it is not surprising we want to check out from feeling that or eat too much because we are exhausted. Coming back to love and our true connection is the only way to get out of this cycle for when we are full of ourselves we do not fill up with what is not us, and who we truly are is indeed very joyous.
I agree Chris, when we appreciate that we come from love and we are love then all that is not love is not who we are. Absolutely something to sing about and celebrate.
Beautiful Janina – so open and honest. “Serge’s message was always clear – choose to be love and choose to be you. In the beginning I did not let in the message ‘choose to be you’.” We are all so different – so unique – yet we are all love – if we choose it so.
Wonderful Janina, I love to feel the commitment you have towards yourself and your humbleness and openness. Very inspiring.
It is very beautiful to read the development of people developing more love in their lives. Gorgeous.
Allowing ourselves to connect with the deeper and truer part of us forms the foundation of self love from which we can experience the beauty of US in our everyday lives, and then, of course, everyone benefits.
Chris just felt to appreciate how fortunate we all are to have you with us inspiring people to find their true voice and their inner heart through singing.
I love the picture with the flying hair. There is something innocent and light about it that shows: the business of being me can be light and playful.
Hi Janina, you are certainly an inspiration and the inspiring words spoken by Serge Benhayon to you I too will cherish “Beautiful Janina, be love”… absolutely gorgeous thank you Janina for sharing .
Janina, your blog took me back to when I first started with Universal Medicine and the many things I heard presented but have taken me a year or two to truly hear. I now have many moments when I go “oh that’s what he has been saying for the last two years”. Thanks for your sharing, I’m always inspired by the commitment of people who travel far and wide to follow truth.
Beautifully expressed Janina and how we inspire and support others when we choose to be all of who we are.
Janina, this is another great example of being inspired by Serge Benhayon to be love and to ‘be you’.
You are certainly flying Janina!
Beautiful Janina that you found a way to be more and more yourself! I found it funny and quite remarkable what you wrote about your failure at behaving like an esoteric student and the fact that you allowed yourself to feel you while singing. It is totally about allowing oneself to feel oneself and share this with the world.
The power in our choices is immense, as such I feel inspired from having read this. Thank you Janina for this beautiful blog.
Truly beautiful Janina, stepping up to be me. I too have hidden myself away most of my life, not wanting there to be a me, but thanks to Serge Benhayon I am too am stepping up to claim me and actually enjoy being me.
Truly beautiful Janina, inspires me to step up and claim the amazing woman I am!
It was inspiring to read about the changes in your life as a result of your connection with Universal Medicine. Thanks Janina.
This was really beautiful to read Janina and your openness to be and express the love you are, inspiring.
Janina what an inspiring blog. Your joy and beauty is deeply felt through your expression, as is the fullness of your big heart, as you claim yourself as the gorgeous woman you are.
Thank you for sharing your commitment to stepping up to be you.
A beautiful blog… you’ve described your blossoming so simply, and the picture at the end is a perfect image to describe these next ‘steps’.
Great blog Janina. I can relate to that dilemma of not wanting to be myself believing that myself is not good enough but at the same time missing myself deeply. It is so cool how you have described a possible way out of that trap by expressing yourself through music and singing with Chris James. I too have experienced this with his workshops.
Janina this is a gorgeous blog. I related to your honesty and I appreciated the gentleness with which you share and write. I have had very similar experiences concerning Serge Benhayon and Chris James. They have both been so supportive concerning my experience in learning to express myself. Thank you for sharing.
The Love of your expression steadily grows, beautiful Janina, like an ever opening flower. It’s such a blessing to be around you. There’s a joyous humming or singing wherever you are! This again is not (only) a compliment for your voice, which is a reflection of your tender and precious power, it’s a testimonial of what you are emanating – as if sweet humming bees would all the time be around the heavenly blossom, that you carry into the world by being you.
How simple and playful this can be – you are showing me!
This is also a testimonial of how the love of God works through Serge Benhayon and Chris James. They are living this example for such a long time already and ever expanding their incredibly loving expression. When I am around them, I get a very real feeling, that eternal love does exist. Not only in them – since this is easy to feel and to see in their eyes – but also inside of all of us, equally so!
Janina,beautiful to see the change in you as a result of your connection with Universal Medicine. It is always a joy to spend time with you, when you visit the UK.
I liked this very much, I could feel how you have embraced yourself and given yourself permission to go out into the world and fly. The picture was perfect…
I love that you drew the picture Janina! Wonderful words too, thank you.
Thank you Janina, and like Karoline I too was touched by the ending ‘stepping up to be me’. So deeply touching.
So gorgeous Janina, thank you for your loving words.
Gee this gave me such a heartfelt smile thank you for sharing.
Thank you Janina.
I too have found the work of Chris James most supportive in the claiming of my voice, Janina. It sure is a fun way to open up and discover more of our true essence.
Your words ‘to develop more trust in me and that I can go “with me” out into the world’ say it perfectly!
This is a beautiful account Janina, thank you for stepping up and sharing you.
Janina, it´s lovely to see you blossoming. Keep going to be you – you ARE BEAUTIFUL 🙂
I had to smile when I read “I tried very hard to be gentle”… Sometimes it seems too easy to just BE so our mind prefers to make it complicated or hard. But when we let go of this belief it IS simple and lovely.
Absolutely beautiful.
I love reading about the development and changes in people as a result of their connection to Universal Medicine. Thanks Janina for your lovely story.
I loved the way you ended the post, the beauty touched me.
Dear Janina, this is so tender – thank you very much for sharing. And the drawing you describe brought a big smile to my face. Another beautiful testimony that we do not have to be living next door to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, or to even have English as our first language to use the tools we all have inside ourselves to, as you say: ‘stepping up to be me’. Awesome.
Janina, I have witnessed the changes in you, from being withdrawn and invisible to blossoming into the beautiful woman you truly are, full of grace. What an amazing journey you embarked on and long may you continue to grace the world with the love that you are.