Love Does Not Impose

by Nicola Lessing, Tweed, NSW, Australia

One of the things I have been learning over the last years is the magic of not imposing.

Many people talk about their experience of first meeting Serge Benhayon and how transformational that was. They express how they re-connected to themselves, and talk about the love that Serge is.

It struck me that in reading all of these blogs, someone who had not met Serge might imagine that he has some sort of imposing presence.

Strangely enough, the opposite is the case. Serge Benhayon is the one person who can walk up right behind me and I do not feel him coming. If you saw him in a room full of people or in a supermarket, he looks like an ordinary bloke.

At events he is often the person filling up the water containers, picking up rubbish, putting out the chairs – doing whatever is needed.

In fact, it is the very absence of any imposing energy that is so extraordinary. Normally, we all impose on each other whether we realise it or not. We usually want something from another person, or even ourselves; whether it be a response, recognition, for them or us to ‘get it’ or behave in a different way, or whatever.

None of these things come into play with Serge.

110 thoughts on “Love Does Not Impose

  1. Thank you Nicola – this is all so true, so simple and so refreshing. I can feel how automatically I can impose on others if there is any need there without stopping and checking what impact that might have on that person.
    In the many years I have known Serge Benhayon he has always done whatever is needed whenever its needed without an ounce of imposing – as you said thats love.

  2. So true Nicola, there is a complete absence of wanting anything from another, needing recognition or notoriety in Serge – the very antithesis of a guru or leader who needs a devoted flock to support their ego. I have met some of those in my life and it is so liberating to meet a person who requires nothing from me except for to be Me (an ever expanding experience!) and let everyone else be who they are. Its very unusual and very inspiring.

    1. Hi Rowena, you say “and it is so liberating to meet a person who requires nothing from me except for to be Me” – just to clarify I do not feel Serge even ‘requires’ me to be me as that too would be an imposition – he really does not impose in any way 🙂

  3. When I really think about it and feel it, what you have said is profound, not to be imposed on my another and not to impose on another… yet Serge does what is needed and is himself in that. My experience is I feel he allows others to simply be where they are.

    1. Hi Karoline, just came across this blog I wrote years ago and your comment. It is true that not imposing is profound and still something I am learning all these years later. I have recently observed a part of me that wants other people “to get it” even though I think I don’t. Wanting anyone to get anything is very harmful to me and them and a huge imposition. There is much to this subject and a huge healing in letting go of any need for things to be a certain way.

      1. Reading your comment I felt just how much we are imposed upon from day 1, just being christened is a huge imposition on a child. I speak from experience my parents christened me as a baby and I screamed all the way through the service, clearly I did not want to be christened. We do things without ever considering if what we are doing is going to have an effect on the other person. All this business of going to hell if you’re not christened and not being allowed to be buried in ‘consecrated ground’ is just a way of ensuring that religion keeps it’s tight grip on peoples beliefs and is a way of controlling people.

      2. How interesting to come across my above comment and read it again a year later. These days it is far less common for me to want people to get it as I have a much greater understanding and experience that we all already are it, just a question as to when we are ready to live and accept that and that is up to each person to decide.

  4. Well said! The way Serge lives, leaving us totally free to be ourselves, or to be whatever it is we are choosing, is an incredible inspiration. Thanks for high-lighting this aspect. I remember the second time I ever came up to a course in Lennox I brought a friend from Sydney. We were standing together looking into the still empty stadium and Serge walked up behind us and put his hands on one each of our shoulders. I had never felt such love, purity, beauty and truth in a touch and was totally transformed. This was non-imposing Love in expression and showed me what ‘healing’ actually was.

    1. Beautifully said Lyndy. I have always found Serge Benhayon to be extremely humble. I’ve noticed several on-line sales courses and have found the presenters to be quite imposing and arrogant. The salesmen seemed to have an attitude of ‘look at me and how successful I am, you will never be this successful unless you take this course’. Consequently I found it difficult to stay focused on what they were saying because of this, so to be honest I could not retain much of what was said at all. These salesmen and Serge Benhayon are like chalk and cheese.

  5. Beautifully said. I have learnt, and continue to learn, so much from this ‘way’… Truly inspiring, ever-humble, and yet not a ‘walk-over’ in the slightest!

  6. Since meeting Serge and working on living from my Truth I have been more aware of how imposing it is when I “worry” about family members or “try to help” them… and how it is not Loving! To know how loving it feels to be held in love; to have someones (Serge’s) total acceptance, has helped me to see and feel what is NOT love. Some people say to me “Serge must be very charismatic.” and all I have been able to say is “No he’s not. It’s not that”.

  7. Well said Nicola. I recall observing Serge cleaning the hand basin in his original clinic – the focus and dedication to this simple task, and the fact that he was doing it gave pause.

  8. I like this Nicola, it is brief and to the point and not imposing! All the different ways I can impose are becoming more and more obvious to me, and Serge Benhayon’s example of total non-imposition has been a great inspiration and teacher. It feels so freeing to let it go, each little bit that I manage to observe and stop myself from doing. It brings the responsibility back to me, and stops me trying to be responsible for another, usually very inappropriately. Then my relationship with whoever or whatever it is can open up and let the light and air in, instead of being this awful prison of old habit.

  9. Serge Benhayon knows humbleness in the true sense of the word, there is nothing that says he is better than or more than anyone, and he has never imposed in anyway, not in his presentations and not in conversation. As you say Nicola we normally impose on people whether we realise it or not, there is usually some need or expectation however subtle or hidden it maybe.

  10. This complete lack of imposition is so lovely, it just leaves us to be ourselves and in that our own awareness deepens, or can do if we allow it. Serge Benhayon definitely is a very extraordinary ordinary man.

  11. Beautifully put Nicola.
    I can’t agree more – that in the company of Serge I feel no sense of imposing whatsoever.
    His teachings and how he lives each moment simply gives those around him a choice.
    He inspires, but never enforces.
    Ultimately – it is up to us and only us to take responsibility for where we are at and how we move forward.
    Universal Medicine simply tells us the truth.
    What a beautiful support that is.

  12. Great point, Nicola, You have described Serge exactly as he is, just an ordinary bloke, no imposing, but living in a way which seems extraordinary but is so normal.

  13. Spot on, Nicola – so true as you say, you do not feel Serge coming as there is absolutely no imposition from him. I once bent down to pick up my handbag, and I then felt the gentlest of hands upon my lower back as I did so and realised Serge was beside me, also bending to pick something up. The complete and utter support and tenderness I felt was incredible, to say the least. I had NEVER been touched like that and yet it was such a simple and genuine gesture. It has been that touch which I now seek to honour in myself by learning to embody that Love he shares so openly with all he meets.

    1. In over 10 years of knowing Serge Benhayon I have never once felt imposed upon. This is a very normal way of being for Serge and yet I have grown up not ever having experienced this before meeting him. And this is only one of the many qualities of Serge Benhayon that continues to forever inspire me.

      1. So true Vicky, it is truly remarkable to meet Serge Benhayon, who is someone that does not impose on you. You have to become very still to feel all that he can offer you.

  14. What is so amazing to feel is Serge’s gentle and loving ways, there is not an ounce of imposition in anything he does or says. He is a constant reflection for me to learn from, and I can choose to take what I have seen and felt into my life or not. This is so refreshing in a world where we are being constantly told what is right or wrong and what we should or shouldn’t do.

  15. I find that the non-imposing leaves an open space for the other person to just be themselves. But often as we are so used to growing up by judging and feeling what another person needs of us, it can feel very different being met in this non imposing way that just lets you be, you could almost call it disconcerting because there are no request or ‘guidelines’.

  16. Recently I realised how being nice, friendly, helpful and pleasing can sometimes be imposing. This is because when we are ‘nice’ , it is actually truly all about ourselves, and wanting people to like us or confirm that we fit in.

    1. I completely agree Danielle – that is a big trap. Being truthful and loving are qualities of the Soul and entirely different to being nice which is not so nice at all and comes from ones own hidden needs.

      1. Absolutely Nicola being nice is actually a way that we can cripple another, holding them in a way that is not who they really are. It’s equally destructive as constantly picking or criticizing someone, in fact it’s possibly worse because most people accept niceness but know picking and criticism is hurtful and wrong.

      1. Yes I agree Simon, it’s huge to see and consider that many people don’t even not only know they are doing it but have no idea that there is another way!

    2. Yes Danielle I have been looking at how my ‘nice’ persona impacts other people because of the underlying fear around not being rejected and how imposing this can be. Not easy to face but is I feel allowing me to have more honest relationships.

      1. Yes absolutely Helen, it’s quite uncomfortable to feel how I sometimes go into fakeness and it can be even more uncomfortable when stopping it because everyone is used to you being a certain way.

  17. Thank you for reminding me of the multitude ways of imposing on another. I wasn’t aware of how imposing I can be, if I don’t accept myself and what I find around me. And thanks for pointing out how lovely and unimposing Serge Benhayon is.

  18. So true Nicola. My life was not instantly transformed by Serge Benhayon; I first saw him in a private session and when I look back I could think of so many things he could have said but did not; he gave me the totally supportive space to come back to myself sufficiently to start to make different choices in my life … to find my own feet again.

  19. Yes, you’ve hit the nail on the head Nicola! It’s the rare total lack of imposingness from Serge that is one of his most noticeable characteristics. And the one that allows us to finally let go of the tension and learn to open and trust again – ourselves most of all.

  20. I would go so far as to say that in a room full of people if you didn’t know Serge Benhayon, you probably wouldn’t know he was there.
    I am currently attending an online sales course. The presenter of the sales course is very imposing to me, he has this habit of flicking his wrist seemingly so that you cannot help but see his very expensive gold watch. His whole body language is expressing ‘I’m at the top of my tree in sales if you do as I say you too can wear expensive clothes and wear an expensive watch’. It’s quite funny really.

  21. Totally agree Nicola. So many of us, even under the guise of doing good, impose our ideals on others on how we expect the world to be. Serge Benhayon simply presents on the way he sees life, with no judgement or expectation that you will agree or not. There is no condemnation for not aligning to his views, and yet he has no problem in calling out behaviours in society that he sees hold us back from living our true potential. Of course, often this pushes people’s buttons. “You cannot say that, who do you think you are”? But such reaction needs to be looked at deeply. Are we reacting to someone telling us or instructing us on how to live life, or are we simply reacting to the fact that someone is standing up and presenting a truth that we simply do not want to hear.

    1. Absolutely Adam, the responsibility of living the truth, which is love, a love that is in all of us equally all of us is what is felt when in the presence of Serge Benhayon. As a student of the Livingness if I take true responsibility to also live that love, then as with Serge Benhayon there is absolutely no imposition on others.

  22. There is so much beauty in non imposing that I think I am only just starting to really appreciate this. What I have felt with Serge Benhayon’s non imposition is that it allows me to feel me without getting mixed up with feeling what is going on for another and to arrive at answers myself from feeling me. I have been so used to being imposed upon by people and the world in general that it almost seems non eventful when there is no imposition, this however is what I have come to realise as true love.

  23. Again coming back to the blog it is the simple truth “Love does not impose” and this is a fact that strikes me the most. Until I met Serge Benhayon and attended Universal Medicine I had never experienced this in my life. And I have to say it feels amazing, Love allows you space, a freedom and joy – it allows you to be and accept yourself.

  24. “In fact, it is the very absence of any imposing energy that is so extraordinary”
    Serge Benhayon indeed is such a remarkable man and as you pointed out so non imposing yet so loving and encouraging of everyone.

  25. So well described, he is just a regular person and does the very needed practical things before getting up and presenting. He doesn’t put himself higher as the presenter but brings people to the understanding he is representing US in full expression. When a friend of mine first met Serge she was surprised by his mannerism and his presence.. She was expecting a man to get on stage and be like “Hey everyone, I’m Serge!!!” and be all loud and ra-ra, having everyone cheer for him but that picture was quickly re-configured!

  26. There is a freedom and an expansiveness felt when meeting or connecting with someone where imposition is not present. I know that I have felt this when connecting with someone that was not imposing, as it allowed me to explore and be all that I am, connect with who I was and express what I truly felt, rather than who I ‘should be’ or what I ‘should say’. Every single time I have met Serge Benhayon I have felt this freedom and expansiveness, absolute Love. And I have been inspired to be aware and reflect of how I am when I meet people. Thank you Nicola for this beautiful reminder that Love never imposes.

  27. Awesome observation Nicola and so true of the way Serge Benhayon is and lives, he is a true inspiration for us all. The extraordinary ordinary.

  28. So beautiful you bring this quality to the fore Nicola, because it is special to meet someone who does not need anything of you or does not need you to be anything else than that you are and Serge Benhayon is such a person, in a way a special but actually just an ordinary man.

  29. Absolutely and well said. Serge Benhayon is the most beautifully unimposing person I know, inspirationally so.

  30. Your blog is great Nicola. I didn’t really know what imposing truly was until it was clearly explained by Serge Benhayon during one of his presentations. Being able to be non-imposing in all our interactions is something to behold, and Serge is most certainly the authority in how to participate in life fully, and never impose – he is a true role model.

    1. Absolutely Jo, Serge Benhayon is ‘a role model’ who inspires by living an amazing life with “no” judgment, condemnation, criticism, pandering, jealousy, deceit and imposing. All this is simply done by being and living the love we all naturally are.

  31. I agree Nicole and I like to add that through this not imposing presence of Serge Benhayon I got aware how it felt to be not imposed to. This was a marker for me to feel how I am imposing and how others are imposing – before I was not aware of it in this depth.

  32. This is exactly why I have found the way Serge lives to be so inspiring. There is no need to gain something from another and even just feeling this I feel so held and allowed to just be myself.

  33. Yes imposing energy is awful to feel, and you can feel it when someone walks past or approaches you in a rush or on a mission for example, where there’s a very definite ‘tailwind’ to the energy that communicates ‘need’ or ‘want’. When you compare this to Serge Benhayon’s presence due to his greatest respect of and for energy, there is no contest, and to be left as you are without any pull, so freeing.

  34. Thank you Nicola! This is something I have learned these years: how we normally behave resonates very bad on the body of others (we impose). The fact that Serge Benhayon is totally unimposing is a great reflection of the quality of love and connection he lives in and holds. This is very easily to feel as one meet him even if there is no talking involved. Love does not impose!

  35. Someone else coined the phrase ‘making the extraordinary ordinary’ or something like it. And that is exactly what Serge does, he is very real, very down to earth and at the same time absolutely divine.

  36. I well remember Sacred Esoteric Healing One and Serge Benhayon telling us to never impose on anyone. I really value this advise and use it in my everyday life.
    I would even go as far as saying it has made me a better person.
    Thanks for the reminder Nicola.

  37. Thank you Nicola, imposing is very much our way in everyday life, it is extraordinary that unimposing is our ordinary way of being love. Serge has reflected this to us.

  38. Whenever I have spent time in Serge Benhayon’s delightful company, I have never felt the need to please him or be anything for him. I have never felt judged even if wasn’t being myself. When I am not being myself, I immediately feel it and allows me to feel the truth of where I am at. All this happens before I even say ‘Hi Serge!’ Such is his inspiring commitment to love and my willingness to be open to feeling the truth.

  39. Nicola that is quite lovely and definitely true. Serge Benhayon is one of the few people I know who lets others be. He doesn’t want anything from anyone, yet he is offering everything by virtue of the reflection of the man he is, and the love and integrity he lives by. His stillness is incredible and when I am around him I notice all the activity my mind and body hold that is secretly geared towards me getting something from/with others. Because he holds me in unimposing love, it’s like these things are highlighted in me. This gives me an opportunity to examine what’s going on for me in relationships, and to choose to live from deeper love and stillness.

  40. I love the simple reminder of this blog Nicola. It puts things into perspective and reminds me how my hurts and reactions in relationships are due to my imposing on others, e.g. needing their approval or wanting acceptance.

    1. Yes Annie this blog does highlight for me the impositions I place on people in my need for validation. It opens up the door to exploring my relationship with myself and others in an honest way.

  41. thats true Nicola, usually in interactions with people, we want some sort of response from a person. It isn’t true communicating if you ask me.

  42. Nicola what’s great point to share and what I have found to be absolutely the case with my interactions with Serge Benhayon.

  43. Reading this again today I was reflecting on how inspired I am by Serge Benhayon and the way in which he never imposes on me or others. This has become a source of inspiration for me to look at this area myself and allow others to just be where they are without needing them to change. For me it’s a work in progress but it’s another incredible way Serge inspires me to understand what love looks like when it’s lived

  44. When you really consider all the ways we can impose on each other, to be completely unimposing in any way is extraordinary, and extraordinarily divine to feel and be in the presence of.

  45. Beautifully summed up Nicola ‘Love does not impose’ and Serge is a living example of this for us all to experience and learn from.

  46. Thank you Nicola for highlighting the significance of being non-imposing, which Serge Benhayon is such a great role model for. It really shows the importance and impact of living according to the law: everything is energy.

  47. Thank you, Nicola. You offer so much in this simple presentation. “It is the very absence of any imposing energy that is so extraordinary” – so true. It exposes how I have been unconsciously imposing on another.

  48. Reading this is like observing Serge Benhayon in person and it is like a breath of fresh air, absolutely no imposition, I agree.

  49. It took me quite a while to realize how imposing my own presence has been. The moment I walked into a room I wanted to be liked, the moment I opened my mouth I wanted to be understood, the moment I looked into someone’s eyes, I wanted to be seen… and the list goes on. None of that allows another to be and showed me, that I myself was lacking to fully love myself.

    1. Well said Felix Schumacher – it is quite an eye opener when we start to experience how imposing we and everyone else is. It is also an extraordinary experience to be in the presence of someone who does not impose one iota energetically. Interestingly enough some of the most imposing people are those who hide and impose with a huge don’t look at me statement!

  50. Thankyou Nicola, I absolutely Agree. Serge Benhayon is just like an ordinary guy, and an amazing one at that. He simply lives the way he knows we all are naturally, non-imposing but yet amazing lights.

  51. Yeah so true Nicola, when I met Serge there was nothing asked of me, I didn’t need to try to figure out how I needed to be in that interaction. I was just allowed to be me- this was something I hadn’t experienced before. In my first session with Serge my body was totally at ease, I had a real trust issue with people but instantly I felt this was a man you could trust and this has since changed my relationships with all other people.

  52. True Nicola, for someone who hadn’t observed for themselves that a man can come from love in all he does such as does Serge Benhayon, it might be easy draw all kinds of skeptical conclusions, as there is no other reference point for such a person, and so far away from how most, if not all of us live. The fact that this IS who Serge is and how he lives not surprisingly is being taken note of on a global scale.

  53. We are both blessed and graced by Serge Benhayon, one who, by his very presence, inspires us all. Through his open loving way of living he has chosen a life without imposition. A way of truth and joy, of harmlessness and harmony, of tenderness and understanding, of simplicity and equality a way of boundless love and true brotherhood, The Way of The Livingness.

  54. It appears to me that’s the pitfall for the many seekers of love out there, seeking something shiny with huge wings and a supernatural gift of some sort… A person that you want to admire, be close to, see or touch… Meeting Serge Benhayon is so different. After his presentations I am so ‘loved up’ that I don’t even have the need to be close to him. Totally unimposing.

    1. I agree Felix Schumacher most people are looking for something huge outside of themselves. The Truth is that we already are more huge than we conceive, and everything we are looking for and more is within us and has always been there. Serge Benhayon by connecting to and living that quality within himself provides the reflection for us to all live and connect to that same quality within us. This is why there is no need to follow Serge or be close to him or anything like that because once you meet yourself you are set free!

  55. “We usually want something from another person, or even ourselves; whether it be a response, recognition, for them or us to ‘get it’ or behave in a different way, or whatever.
    None of these things come into play with Serge.” I agree Nicola. Serge is love through and through – living his truth. One day we will all live like this – yay. Choices, choices…..

  56. It’s Serge Benhayon’s lack of imposition that builds trust in the integrity of what he lives and offers. That and his incredible, inspirational consistency.

  57. Having just returned home after the 2016 Retreat in the UK I am in awe of all that Serge Benhayon is and shares with the world. 5 days of presentations and inspiring students of all ages to connect with each other and expand the wisdom and love that he offers.

  58. Thank you for writing about this Nicola. Serge Benhayon consistently shows me how natural it is to live in a way that does not impose on others and it is through this reflection that I have learned how to stop imposing on others. This has benefited my relationships in many ways and it is wonderful to appreciate it.

  59. “Serge Benhayon is the one person who can walk up right behind me and I do not feel him coming.” That is so true Nicola and I have to admit that I found this very inspirational as it gave me the possibility to feel how beautiful it is to be not imposing at all.

  60. Realising how imposing it is to judge another is life changing… as is learning the art of observing and appreciating the world around us and all the people in it.

  61. There is something deeply beautiful about being unimposed upon… for it just allows you and whatever is going on to play out exactly as it should without any unnecessary controlling energy tainting what need not be tainted.

  62. Serge Benhayon is so unimposing, I get to feel and be more aware of how imposing I have been. Not always particularly comfortable to feel, but important to observe none the less. It allows me to see where I am at and what I am choosing. This then allows me to make my next choice, without any influence at all.

  63. Well said and very true Nicola, there is nothing about Serge Benhayon that is imposing in anyway, it has been his loving reflection that has exposed the areas where I have been imposing towards others and wanting them to get it instead of just allowing and accepting another’s choices.

  64. It just goes to show how our actions are imposing or not imposing, healing or harming. There is no middle ground or ‘moderation’ we so think or conveniently sit with.

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