by T.S, Bricklayer, Coraki, Australia
At age 28 my life was out of control. I had a job, girlfriend, home, car, etc and everything appeared to be fine (I sure thought it was) – but for me to get through the day I needed my cans of coke, chocolate, cigarettes and my pot. And that was just the days through the week – come time for the weekend and I needed all that, plus ecstasy and speed. My life was a blur, and whilst I was holding down my job as a bricklayer, I was completely thrashing myself. I took so much pride in being the fastest brickie in the gang, but not so much care in what I was building. I was always a neat worker but I just wanted to get the job done so I could get home and get out of it: I was even contemplating a career change as I had had enough. At the time I thought it was my job that I was sick of, but I look back now and it was my life that was turning me off.
It was around this time that my girlfriend (now wife) was making slight changes in her life as a result of attending a few Universal Medicine events. We clashed on a few changes, and as a result I moved out; this was mainly because I wanted to keep drinking. I was shattered. This was a difficult time as I dearly missed my girlfriend and kids, but I didn’t want to change my life, even though I could see it falling apart. I’m not sure what the turning point was, but after several months I knew something had to change. The drugs I was consuming were making me feel sick and I was not enjoying myself as I used to.
I moved out of the house I shared with two mates and into my own place with no drinking or drugging: I basically cut contact with all my friends as everyone was a pot smoker and I was positive I didn’t want that anymore. It was a little lonely but I felt better within myself. During this time I was making more contact with the family I had left; our relationships started to grow, and I also started attending Universal Medicine events.
All of this had a huge impact on me – I was no longer feeling so alone in the world and I was happy a lot more often. With attending Universal Medicine courses it was interesting as a lot of what was presented was quite confronting and hard to take, but at the same time I left each event feeling a lot clearer in the head and looking forward to life, rather than dreading it. Also, it seemed to make sense what this man called Serge Benhayon was talking about, and he was very easy to be around. I felt very comfortable in his presence as he wasn’t judging me on what I did or how I looked, he was just letting me be me – which was wonderful as most men are comparing/judging/sizing each other up like dogs do when they meet each other (except for the butt sniffing!).
What was confronting was the fact that I came to the realisation that my life was the way it was because of the choices I had made – and boy had I made some shockers! That realisation took a lot to get over as it was so easy to blame this or that and take no responsibility for my actions. Another big one was the word love. Love for me had always been an emotion or a word to use when you wanted to get a girl in bed with you, I never thought of it as an expression of who we are.
Over the next few years my life dramatically changed. I am no longer the scruffy dressing bloke hiding behind the beard and dreadlocks, but am now the handsome clean-shaven, neatly dressed man you see. I now allow myself to feel how I am and how others are, and I don’t see myself as better than or less than anyone else. I have become a gentle, caring, loving and respectful man in all that I do. I am now talking about my feelings. I still lay bricks, but now they are laid with a purpose – I am creating homes, walls, letterboxes etc. for people to live in and around. I now realise that everything is energy so I make a point to lay those bricks as lovingly as I can. Who would you rather have build your home… Tony now, or Tony seven years ago? It’s a no-brainer.
My diet has radically changed. I don’t drink coke for breakfast to wash down the six cones I had just smoked. I barely have sugar in my diet as it is too sweet and it makes me racy or on edge. I eat to support myself to be the best I can be; I don’t eat to a point where I am so full I get tired and need to sleep it off.
My life now doesn’t have the huge swings between the chemical highs and the dreadful lows that always used to follow close by. I am now married to the beautiful woman who gave me the choice between drinking and family years ago, and I am grateful she did, as it gave me time to sort out what I really wanted: our relationship continues to grow as we do. I feel closer with my mother and father now than I can ever remember; mum and I can actually talk about life. I know Dad thinks I’m a bit different and he doesn’t agree with some of my decisions, but he can feel my love. I now want to be around my children as they are lovely people, not just my kids. Of course, at times I still find there are challenges. I have found if I have expectations on how my children should be or what they should do, then I am setting myself up for hurt: I have had to look at why I need my children to look, act or behave in a certain way. Could it be that we need our children to look and act the part so people can say what a great job as a parent you must be doing? The more I let them be themselves and not want them to be anything but themselves, the easier it seems to get. I still set boundaries and pull them up, but I no longer expect a set outcome, or try to control them.
I am not the shy man I once was, thinking I wasn’t worth anything. I enjoy talking to people.
Serge Benhayon never told me what to do or how to be, he simply talked about what happens in life, and gave reasons as to why. He never judged me, and that was cool because I was constantly judged by the way that I looked, and I hated that. Serge is simply a man full of love, sharing with all of us how we too can be full of that same love. I am proud to be his friend.