Choices, I’ve Made A Few… Shockers!

by T.S, Bricklayer, Coraki, Australia

At age 28 my life was out of control. I had a job, girlfriend, home, car, etc and everything appeared to be fine (I sure thought it was) – but for me to get through the day I needed my cans of coke, chocolate, cigarettes and my pot. And that was just the days through the week – come time for the weekend and I needed all that, plus ecstasy and speed. My life was a blur, and whilst I was holding down my job as a bricklayer, I was completely thrashing myself. I took so much pride in being the fastest brickie in the gang, but not so much care in what I was building. I was always a neat worker but I just wanted to get the job done so I could get home and get out of it: I was even contemplating a career change as I had had enough. At the time I thought it was my job that I was sick of, but I look back now and it was my life that was turning me off.

It was around this time that my girlfriend (now wife) was making slight changes in her life as a result of attending a few Universal Medicine events. We clashed on a few changes, and as a result I moved out; this was mainly because I wanted to keep drinking. I was shattered. This was a difficult time as I dearly missed my girlfriend and kids, but I didn’t want to change my life, even though I could see it falling apart. I’m not sure what the turning point was, but after several months I knew something had to change. The drugs I was consuming were making me feel sick and I was not enjoying myself as I used to.

I moved out of the house I shared with two mates and into my own place with no drinking or drugging: I basically cut contact with all my friends as everyone was a pot smoker and I was positive I didn’t want that anymore. It was a little lonely but I felt better within myself. During this time I was making more contact with the family I had left; our relationships started to grow, and I also started attending Universal Medicine events.

All of this had a huge impact on me – I was no longer feeling so alone in the world and I was happy a lot more often. With attending Universal Medicine courses it was interesting as a lot of what was presented was quite confronting and hard to take, but at the same time I left each event feeling a lot clearer in the head and looking forward to life, rather than dreading it. Also, it seemed to make sense what this man called Serge Benhayon was talking about, and he was very easy to be around. I felt very comfortable in his presence as he wasn’t judging me on what I did or how I looked, he was just letting me be me – which was wonderful as most men are comparing/judging/sizing each other up like dogs do when they meet each other (except for the butt sniffing!).

What was confronting was the fact that I came to the realisation that my life was the way it was because of the choices I had made – and boy had I made some shockers! That realisation took a lot to get over as it was so easy to blame this or that and take no responsibility for my actions. Another big one was the word love. Love for me had always been an emotion or a word to use when you wanted to get a girl in bed with you, I never thought of it as an expression of who we are.

Over the next few years my life dramatically changed. I am no longer the scruffy dressing bloke hiding behind the beard and dreadlocks, but am now the handsome clean-shaven, neatly dressed man you see. I now allow myself to feel how I am and how others are, and I don’t see myself as better than or less than anyone else. I have become a gentle, caring, loving and respectful man in all that I do. I am now talking about my feelings. I still lay bricks, but now they are laid with a purpose – I am creating homes, walls, letterboxes etc. for people to live in and around. I now realise that everything is energy so I make a point to lay those bricks as lovingly as I can. Who would you rather have build your home… Tony now, or Tony seven years ago? It’s a no-brainer.

My diet has radically changed. I don’t drink coke for breakfast to wash down the six cones I had just smoked. I barely have sugar in my diet as it is too sweet and it makes me racy or on edge. I eat to support myself to be the best I can be; I don’t eat to a point where I am so full I get tired and need to sleep it off.

My life now doesn’t have the huge swings between the chemical highs and the dreadful lows that always used to follow close by. I am now married to the beautiful woman who gave me the choice between drinking and family years ago, and I am grateful she did, as it gave me time to sort out what I really wanted: our relationship continues to grow as we do. I feel closer with my mother and father now than I can ever remember; mum and I can actually talk about life. I know Dad thinks I’m a bit different and he doesn’t agree with some of my decisions, but he can feel my love. I now want to be around my children as they are lovely people, not just my kids. Of course, at times I still find there are challenges. I have found if I have expectations on how my children should be or what they should do, then I am setting myself up for hurt: I have had to look at why I need my children to look, act or behave in a certain way. Could it be that we need our children to look and act the part so people can say what a great job as a parent you must be doing? The more I let them be themselves and not want them to be anything but themselves, the easier it seems to get. I still set boundaries and pull them up, but I no longer expect a set outcome, or try to control them.

I am not the shy man I once was, thinking I wasn’t worth anything. I enjoy talking to people.

Serge Benhayon never told me what to do or how to be, he simply talked about what happens in life, and gave reasons as to why. He never judged me, and that was cool because I was constantly judged by the way that I looked, and I hated that. Serge is simply a man full of love, sharing with all of us how we too can be full of that same love. I am proud to be his friend.

Related Reading:
Universal Medicine Before and After Photos – the Man beneath the Tattoos and Dreads

294 thoughts on “Choices, I’ve Made A Few… Shockers!

  1. The loneliness we feel in such situations is not a pining for the past or a wishing for the future but more so a deep ache that comes from not living true to the absolute beauty we each in essence are.

  2. The has been my experience of studying with Universal Medicine “During this time I was making more contact with the family I had left; our relationships started to grow, and I also started attending Universal Medicine events.” Some relationships have changed and shifted, but generally I have found honesty, connectedness and developed the relationships I have with friends and family, I feel closer and more appreciative of them.

  3. As we live The Way of The Livingness our confidence returns as we accept and appreciate and value ourselves knowing that we are all equal and that it is our choices in life, our choice of quality and source of energy that makes our lives harming or healing.

  4. What is awesome Is to be able to see how what ever the drug or addiction was is now something that you wouldn’t even consider as it just doesn’t support a quality that you are prepared to live with anymore.

  5. “I came to the realisation that my life was the way it was because of the choices I had made” – It’s true that regardless of our background or history, the largest contributor in designing our life is us and our choices. We choose what happens to our being on a daily basis and thus shape our rhythm, relationships and life.

  6. “What was confronting was the fact that I came to the realisation that my life was the way it was because of the choices I had made – and boy had I made some shockers!”. Yes, to this realisation for me too, and from acknowledging the truth, I knew that the time for blaming everyone else for the way my life had turned out was over; it was time to step out of the past into the present. There are always going to be many choices for us to make in every single day of our lives and each and every choice comes with a consequence that is our responsibility, and ours alone.

  7. When others hold steady in what they can feel, hold steady in the love that they are, it gives a clear (and sometimes painful) reflection of what we are allowing in our own lives…. and a choice of our own to make.

  8. Choosing to love not harm ourselves is something we can all do but only a few are open or ready to take this path.

  9. What you describe here beautifully T.S. is how we can grow the love for ourselves and simply bring more self care in to our life by making different choices, choices that we know are the ones we need and not the ones we have given into for so long.

  10. An amazing story T.S and what a committed and loving wife you have! I am deeply appreciating the constellations that occur in our lives. Every constellation including our partners is perfectly set up to support us to evolve.

    1. “Every constellation including our partners is perfectly set up to support us to evolve”. Love this Caroline. To accept this truth is never to blame, judge or wish we were somewhere other than where we are.

  11. “I’m not sure what the turning point was, but after several months I knew something had to change. The drugs I was consuming were making me feel sick and I was not enjoying myself as I used to.” It is when we get to this point and the body is telling us something different to what we have accepted and gone along with that we begin to make true changes in our lives.

  12. It can be quite uncomfortable when we see that it is our choices that create the lives we have, and how they affect not just ourselves, but everyone around us.

  13. Love as an expression of who we are, how many of us actually lived this, or even considered it, I know I didn’t before I met Serge Benhayon and felt the love he held me and everyone else in … it blew me away and I feel the same here in this sharing how a man held in love changed his life and I feel that’s how we can be all be with each other. A seriously awesome and inspiring sharing, thank you.

  14. Sometimes it’s worth reflecting on how we’ve previously lived and have since refined our rhythm, diet, relationships and so forth, to really appreciate these new foundations and how they are rock solid, steady and can support us through anything.

  15. No matter what we have chosen in the past when we hold a willingness to change and heal ourselves we are always able to turn our life and our health and well-being around from reconnecting with our body and quality of our true feelings and in expressing the love we feel in our heart.

  16. Just getting the job done and as much done as possible before lunch seems to be a common attitude with most of my co-workers with no consideration for the quality of what they are doing. Whereas for me quality comes first and often I finish tasks way before them as I am present in my body and steadily go from one task to the next with no time wasting.

  17. One of the evils of marijuana is that many people consider it a harmless, non addictive drug which is far from the truth. From my own experience I found it harder to stop taking then heroin, and it certainly had a worse effect on my being and on my whole life then heroin ever did.

  18. TS your sharing is a great example of how our life becomes richer, more harmonious and joyful when we choose to return to the love we truly are and come from.

  19. A true miracle Tony – what a change!! The esoteric way of life is a connection back to the love that we are. Once I connected to my love this is all I ever want. I lived a similar reckless life with drugs and self-abuse. I did not know how to connect to my essence with no influence or role model around me. Nothing inspired me. I attended one of the best high schools in Australia, then completed the highest education at university, then the glamour style living being a status symbol.
    It was an interesting life .. as if I did know but was not willing to bring it out because no one else did. Serge Benhayon did it for me straight up at my first workshop. My life flashed instantly before me and I knew I had to start clearing my self-abuse and start feeling my all-knowing, and be responsible for what I felt and always knew. It was a big change suddenly; and you can do it with the support of Universal Medicine.
    Well done Tony .. its confirmation anyone can do it.

  20. I love your honest and candeur, we have all made shocking choices but the main thing is so long as we learn from them then nothing is lost. However if we stay stuck and keep repeating the same patterns and making the same choices then all we do is hurt ourselves and all those around us. What is before us is always an opportunity to learn from. If we hang onto regrets from the past, this opportunity gets blurred. Even though we could say we knew better now we have seen the truth we have no excuse not to be the love that we are and why wouldn’t we want to be?!

    1. I agree James, sometimes we do put ourselves in situations where we are to learn the ‘hard’ way but this is exactly and perfectly constellated and what is needed for us to learn. Even when the cycle keeps on repeating itself there is never an excuse to bash and be hard on ourselves – we are far too precious and delicate for that!

      1. So true, ‘we are far too precious and delicate’ we just need to keep reminding ourselves of this fact and returning to living and honouring the love we are. So then there is no room for self bashing or disregard.

  21. Its incredible to read about the turn around you have had, knowing how difficult your life was. It shows us all our behaviours are not who we are.

  22. Your honesty is so inspiring TS… you expose so many ideals and beliefs of how society says a man should be, and also the truth of your current loving choices that bring out more of the innate and natural you.

  23. Very cool to read how you have turned your life around by making simple choices to care for yourself more deeply, and the ripple effect that this has had upon all your relationships, particularly how you feel about yourself and life: embracing it all, even the difficult bits.

  24. It is amazing quite how far off and lost we can get yet at the same time thinking we are ok and have everything under control. It is often only when we stop and go hang on I am way out do we then start to make the choices back to being the love that we are and by doing so take responsibility for our choices. After all where we are is a direct end result of all the choices we have made whether or not we want to see or accept this.

  25. It is never too late to make different choices, I know because I have made a few and now with the support of Universal Medicine practioners my life is looking completely different to the trajectory I was on.

  26. What I love about this is the way that you describe how Serge Benhayon met you, with total openess and no judgement, never telling you to be or do anything but just being open and loving- and it is this that inspired the same openess in you.

  27. I would totally want Tony now laying any bricks for me. Thank you for paving the way (pun intended 🙂 ) for bricks to be laid in the future.

  28. “At the time I thought it was my job that I was sick of, but I look back now and it was my life that was turning me off.” – This is awesome to realise as it goes to show how much of an effect the choices we make in our lifestyle outside of work affect the way we feel at work and to know this is genuinely empowering as those choices are something we can change and develop…

    1. .. and also the power of being honest with ourselves. Being honest enough to know really that it’s not the job, not another person, it is a claiming back of our responsibility to choose. We empower ourselves greatly when we stop blaming others or anything outside of us and look at our own choices and our lives.

  29. I love that comment at the end – no longer the shy man you once thought you were. I’ve experienced that too, where I’ve either felt a bit awkward and cut off from how I feel and so don’t think I can express myself on this or that. But when I’m connected I’ve found I feel buckets and that is to be shared in full!

  30. A man that made the choice to accept love. A very powerful article, especially in relation to the the reality that this meant old ways of living had to be stopped. But so worth doing, as Tony has shared.

  31. We have a total misunderstanding of what love truly is and often think of it as some form of emotional love, which keeps our life on a roller coaster, with constant ups and downs. When we understand that we are love, that it is our essence, our life becomes more constant without the ups and downs.

  32. This is an amazing transformation. We can very much be identified by struggle and make this who we are and what our future is – but what is shared here is a reclaiming back of who you are – no more hiding. So beautiful.

  33. The love that you are brought you back to loving choices in how you lived. What a great honour to see that you are that love.

  34. Addiction is rampant in our society with many crutches such as caffeine, alcohol and sugar (we don’t even need to get started on drugs) used on a daily basis just to “get through the day”. What you offer is a different way of living, a way that puts growth and development of who we are front and centre, and regardless of past issues, says that all can be truly healed and a naturally joyful way of living brought to reality.

  35. When we are building anything we can be tricked into thinking that fast is efficient but without quality it is completely shoddy and substandard.

  36. This is beautiful account of how you turned your life around Tony. The Tony I now know I would employ to build my home if I needed a bricklayer without question at the drop of a hat as he is one of the most tender caring men that I have the good fortune to know.

  37. It is great to read T how your life is changed towards the beauty for you and all.
    The way you describe Serge Benhayon i can completely confirm from my experience.
    I felt always easily wrong in life and there is not one ounce of judgement in this great man. This makes the body to relax deeply and opens it up to feel honostly the choices we made and how we drifted away from ourselves and by this awarenes and the teachings from Serge benhayon we also are shown the way back to ourselves.

  38. It is quite amazing life will always give us a second chance or even a third or more, the moment we start to live with responsibility for ourselves and the choices we’ve made, like you have shared , life chances and brings back joy of living with quality, our quality in it.

  39. When something is confronting and yet connects you to a perspective on life that enables you to actually enjoy being you it is nothing short of a miracle. Serge presents personal responsibility and I have found this confronting many times as I am faced with the fact that I am responsible for the way my life is. At the same time it is this truth that motivates me to take more responsibility which in turn enriches my life and serves all.

  40. In blaming, we resign to being a victim of circumstances and live in reaction. In humility, we see the power of responsibility and true choices become available. Life can be experienced very differently.

  41. The last thing any of us need when we are in trouble is to be judged and to actually be met for who we are and accepted and understood regardless of our choices is a great form of love and healing.

    1. Yes, thank you Andrew, so very true, it makes a huge difference to not be judged and punished but simple held with the same love and understanding no matter what we do. It brings actually space to understand and see.

  42. ‘I never thought Love to be the expression of who we are’. What you expressed here goes for many … billions, which is quite sad to see and feel in just how much we have disconnected to the truth of who we are and are true expression. However, the blessing is, regardless of what choices we have made in the past with a willingness to heal and change, and honesty as well as a steady consistency of changing even one small thing in our lives to start with .. we can ALL come back to this innate Love that we are.

  43. ‘Who would you rather have build your home… Tony now, or Tony seven years ago? It’s a no-brainer.’

    This is a very important point. This whole blog illustrates just how critical it is that we bring quality to all we do, because who we are and how we live gets imprinted in everything we touch. Other people have to live in and around our stuff, not just us.

  44. T.S., you speak about looking forward to life rather than dreading it. I think the notion that we can dread life is an important insight. I realised recently that I’ve always been fearful of and in life – in my own way dreading it – and my choices (shockers they were too!) were all about trying to alleviate that fear, even though some of them (horribly and ironically) put me in dangerous and truly fearful situations. Learning how to be less fearful in life is the task currently in hand. I can feel now the potential to start to enjoying life.

  45. “I left each event feeling a lot clearer in the head and looking forward to life”. This is a radical turnaround from someone who just wanted to get their day over so they could get home and smoke. Looking forward to life is not something most of us can claim. We may look forward to the next holiday, weekend, café etc. but these are just the treats to make the dullness of life seem bearable.

  46. Thanks for sharing and being so honest on your choices and now how rich your life is… because of your choices!! I know I too have made some shocker choices in my life, but now I choose to make other more honouring ones, letting go of old behaviours that do not suit me anymore, this does feel amazing.

  47. Blaming everything in our life and the systems in place is prevalent in society and to stop and see our lack of responsibility in this ‘victim’ way of living is deeply healing as the choices change.
    “What was confronting was the fact that I came to the realisation that my life was the way it was because of the choices I had made – and boy had I made some shockers!”

  48. That is a very impressive story T.S., it asks a lot of true strength to change your life from the intensity it was to the life you live now. I also love that you changed your way with your work, work gets a different purpose when we make it about serving other people and realise that the quality we do things in is felt, so the importance to make it the quality that supports people.

  49. It can be shock to look at the choices we have made that had to us to certain places and outcomes…it can also be deeply empowering and liberating to appreciate the honesty of this observation and begin to make new choices.

  50. “it seemed to make sense what this man called Serge Benhayon was talking about,” So true and it is a pleasure to meet you through your words Tony and to hear how you have made sense of your life.

  51. An amazing turn around, told with such honesty. I love how clear and simple you describe making a choice that is presented to you. It takes a lot of courage for someone to be open at looking at why they need to completely escape their day through what they have been consuming daily for years. Enormous strength. it’s very inspiring.

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