by Tony Steenson, Bricklayer, Goonellabah, Australia
I was seventeen when I got my first tattoo and I thought I was pretty cool.
But that one tattoo looked a bit lonely on its own, so I got him a friend and then another friend, and another. I wanted to look tough. To make me look a bit meaner I also decided to stop shaving and to stop combing my hair which was long at the time.
REBELLING OR HIDING?
I never considered that I was trying to hide behind my image. At the time I saw it as rebelling.
It makes sense, now I look back, that I was trying to protect myself because I was sensitive, but I saw sensitivity as a weakness and not manly so I tried to cover it up with tatts and hair.
At this point in life I was running away from a break-up from my first long term relationship so I was feeling a lot of hurt. By the time I got from one side of the country to the other my beard was coming along and I was starting to get dreadlocks… cool.
The beard came and went a few times but was there most of the time, and over the years my dreadlocks grew to the point where I could nearly tuck them into my pants.
I was so unapproachable. I didn’t look very friendly, I actually looked quite scary and not really someone most people would be comfortable talking to if I was a stranger to them.
The image I put up as this rough and tough guy worked; people weren’t attracted to me which was great as it allowed me to keep my real self hidden away. That real self is a deeply caring man, full of love.
TATTOOS – THE TOUGH STICKERS TO MAKE ME FEEL TOUGH
When I got my tattoos it wasn’t as trendy and as accepted as it is now: these days it’s quite weird if you don’t have one, male or female.
It’s now more seen as art than what it was for me, a rebellion, but it still comes back to the same question; why do we feel the need to drastically change the way we look?
Of course we change our appearance and can do so all the time by clothes, haircuts, make-up etc., but tattoos are lifelong (unless you choose to get them removed).
So why can we be so unhappy in our own skin that we choose to turn our skin and body into a colouring-in book by getting tattoos?
I know for me, part of it was I didn’t feel like I was tough enough to be a man so by getting some tough stickers, then that would prove how tough I was. So silly, because being a man isn’t about being tough.
For me a man is about being loving, tender, supportive and being able and willing to share my feelings. Those traits aren’t being weak. I now feel that they are strengths that I am choosing to embrace.
When I first got my tattoos and began growing my dreadlocks and beard, I wanted to distance myself from people. If I had tattoos and looked dodgy then people wouldn’t want to approach me and I wouldn’t have to show them who I really am. So I hid behind my tattoos, dreadlocks and beard for years… but no more.
THE REAL AND BEAUTIFUL ME BENEATH THE TATTS AND HAIR
A lot of my wanting to hide was from my lack of confidence within myself. So with low self esteem I created an image for myself so people wouldn’t want to be around me which is what I wanted at the time. It’s not that I dislike hair or beards, but I was using my beard and dreadlocks to stop people from seeing my real beauty that I didn’t even know existed. I now know this beauty is in us all. The beard and dreadlocks are gone: I still have the tattoos but I don’t wear them with the pride I once did and am not trying to put out the tough image.
Now I am a people person, I enjoy being around others, sharing me with them and vice versa. I don’t need an image to hide behind anymore because I am great just the way I am.
I am Tony Steenson. I am honest and loving and I have re-discovered how beautiful I am and I invite you to do the same.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and the work of Universal Medicine
Related Reading: Choices, I’ve Made A Few… Shockers!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I’ve never been the biggest fan of tattoos as much as some are really artistic, intricate and even beautiful. But you posed an interesting question, ‘why do we feel the need to drastically change the way we look?’ And this could be in the clothes we wear too.
I’m not suggesting we walk around naked either, but the fact that we hide from ourselves and others around us. Just to be someone we are not. Why not be who we truly are and live from there and let others be who they want to be too. Somewhere along the way, we will find our way, it only takes one to inspire another.
“A lot of my wanting to hide was from my lack of confidence within myself.” This reminded me of an exercise I did at a spiritual workshop – long before Universal Medicine days – when we all chose a mask to wear and acted accordingly. Being a shy person I was amazed how different I felt and could act out a part- that wasn’t truly myself. Why do we find it so difficult sometimes to just shine as the glorious beings we re in truth?
The more I learn about people with tattoos and those who drink and take drugs, the more I realise these are deeply sensitive folk who find the world too much to deal with.
Sue I agree, the more people turn to vices that separate them from others, the more I realise they are sensitive to what is going around them and unable to separate that from themselves. So instead of observing, they become a sponge and absorb everything around them and take on things that do not belong to them. It’s a spiralling cycle unless you are offered a reflection and true support, then things can change if it is chosen.
Tony you have raised some interesting questions about being a man and that of a tough one. We grow up thinking boys and girls need to behave in a certain way. During a recent incident I heard a father visiting his newborn, yell at his crying son (probably around 3-4 years of age), ‘why are you crying, boys don’t cry’. It was disturbing to hear this and projected at him .
Tears aren’t gender related, and they are a great way of releasing the hurt we feel otherwise they are buried for one day to emerge into something that doesn’t need to be.
I have to say I loved the last sentence, “I am Tony Steenson. I am honest and loving and I have re-discovered how beautiful I am and I invite you to do the same”. This sentence feels the absoluteness of who you are and what you offer to others – I love it.
What you share Tony is very inspirational, ‘For me a man is about being loving, tender, supportive and being able and willing to share my feelings. Those traits aren’t being weak. I now feel that they are strengths that I am choosing to embrace.’
Hiding behind tattoos, beard and hair makes sense in a world where a truly sensitive and tender man is not seen as the norm. And yet this sensitivity and tenderness is the natural state of any man. With Tony stepping out as he has, he gives permission to any other man to do likewise.
Henrietta, a sensitive tender man needs to be reflected more and more for others to see and feel. A newborn cries whether it is boy or a girl and they need equal amounts of love, it should not be measured, it is that simple.
On the maternity ward where I work I often see new fathers being so tender with their newborns. But how long will this last I wonder, especially if its a boy..
Yes, such a beautiful reflection for all men to witness, that its ok to be tender and sensitive. The world so need that.
Tony, what a heart-felt sharing! Amazing to feel how you have allowed those things that have kept you hidden from the world, to fall away, showing who you are to us all! What a loss that would have been to not have you showing this to us. It is an inspiration for anyone to read this blog and consider how we each might be doing our own form of hiding…
As men we all get told to toughen-up and as you have shared Tony our resolve to toughen or fortify our fragile tender being as men is empowering and also inspirational as you are casting a true reflection of what a True man is.
Working in a primary school I see young boys enter as gorgeous open sensitive young people that gradually disappears as they go through school, toughening up and putting on acts of bravado. So sad. We need more true male role models to show that there is another way.
We so heavily rely on the appearance to define what it is in front of us, like image is everything. We use our sight to judge and project from either end. And what I love about your sharing, Tony, is that we can try so hard at it to the point we convince ourselves and others that we are however the way we look, but our true essence never leaves us.
What a great transformation – I love that you took the steps to change you life around. That is what is so inspiring about reading these blogs, they are about real people making very real choices.There’s no magic wand, just simple choices.
I too created an image for myself so people wouldn’t want to be around me – and yet wanted love like nothing else, as all of us do. So to re-discover how beautiful we are is one of the greatest discoveries of all time.
“I never considered that I was trying to hide behind my image. At the time I saw it as rebelling”. It’s amazing how conformist our perceived rebellion actually is. I went through a stage of wearing alternative clothes and listening to alternative music. As an elder now I see how similar these alternatives actually are and how they gave me an image but kept me away from knowing the real me. I remember meeting Tony when he had dreads and it was easy to see how sweet and sensitive he was, so the cover up never really worked!
In a world where the majority seem to view “sensitivity as a weakness and not manly”, it must be very challenging for a man to claim that he is not the tough guy the world expects him to be, but a very tender and sensitive human being. I deeply appreciate the fact that there are men like you Tony, who have said goodbye to the tough guy and have embraced who you truly are, and have been from the day you were born.
Tony your story is very inspiring, the before and after photos show a tender man willing to drop the mask and protection and let the world see who you truly are.
The quality between your before and after picture is so different. I feel I know many men who are as sensitive as you but they don’t know it or accept it, and they do not see this sensitivity that I see, but it is there. There is protection when they feel and it comes immediately as a wall. This wall hurts those around them and this is even more that they don’t want to feel as it not only hurts themselves but others now. And there needs to be reasons to justify why they can judge or hurt another.
The photos show it all, it’s like 2 completely different people Tony, and to see your lightness and joy now is so beautiful. And thank you for the new understanding around tattoos, and the question you ask as to why ‘we choose to turn our skin and body into a colouring-in book by getting tattoos?’, how it’s a way of projecting an image and hiding behind it, it cuts any judgements and allows us to see beyond what people project to the true beauty that is underneath.
The before and after photos speak volumes, and yes, ‘I don’t need an image to hide behind anymore because I am great just the way I am.’
What a beautiful invitation to the best rediscovery on the planet. I spent most of my life hiding by being small, it’s still my go to at times but I’m learning and rediscovering that I am actually an amazing strong woman and to not hide that away or shy away from it in any way.
A few years ago I was introduced to a man who would help me with some heavy things in the garden. If I had met him on the street I would have walked on the other side. He was big, muscly, covered in tattoos and piercings, yet once I got to know him he had such a big heart and would do anything for anyone. Taught me not to judge a book by the cover…..
“…why do we feel the need to drastically change the way we look? ” A great question and one that both men and women do in their various ways. When we feel settled and content in our own skin we have no need to change our looks. However young people can get caught up in peer pressure – to conform in their rebellion – and so may do things they may later regret. There are so many ways we choose to bury ourselves – at any age too ….
Tony, I really love the honesty you have written with, it’s a much needed discussion and an article that is so very needed as the quantity of people and size of tattoos seems to be growing at a staggering rate.
It is hard to see so many beautiful delicate young women in London with huge tattoos and a hard exterior which take away from their natural grace.
Rebelling is simply the decision to wear another custom to move more at ease in a chosen quarter of the House of Lies while reacting to others living in a different quarter and wearing different means of disguise.
Rebelling only reveals how deeply entrenched is our vibrational contract with the status quo (understood in its true way), from which we do not vibrationally pull out: only react to it and, from there, choose a more comfortable way to remain in it. Your way, however, is not just your way or your means to get identification. For you, it is a superior one. For you, feeling superior, hence comparing, is everything.
“I don’t need an image to hide behind anymore because I am great just the way I am.” To hear that is beautiful and something so very much needed in this world, that we allow ourselves to simply feel amazing for just who we are, and drop all the armour and pretence we have learned to live with.
Well said Esther, for to love oneself unconditionally and not need to change for others is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and all others for in so doing we also love others unconditionally too.
It feels so great and liberating to come out from one’s hiding and the beauty and joy of this is plainly seen in your photo, Tony. Thank you for sharing.
Love this blog Tony and the sensitive man you now know yourself to be and choose to present to the world in full – a great reminder of the truth that it is unwise to be judging a ‘book’ by its cover, limiting our view of whatever it is we are judging.
What an extraordinary transformation Tony, your before and after photos says it all, you are such an inspiration to men and women everywhere to accept their own beauty and sensitivity and to not hide these qualities from the world.
It is very beautiful and humbling to read how much honesty we can allow in ourselves to feel and let go of what is not ours. We often use images to manipulate how we want to be received by others, but when it doesn’t quite fit our agenda, we feel judged and rejected. It empowers us to no end when we get to know and accept ourselves by our true quality.
Finding yourself like you have Tony, should be part of our school teachings and learning that we all can get this from feeling our-self, which is “being loving, tender,” as our “strengths”.
We do allow ourselves to be fooled by our eyes or at least our interpretations of what we see. If I look at your before photo I can still see and feel you there in your eyes but often we let our preconceived images and fears of beards, tattoos and long hair blind us to the truth of the person before us.
Interesting how you tried to cover up your sensitivity by being hairy and scary. I have often observed how deeply gentle and sensitive a lot of tough looking guys are.
Yes, this is a beautiful observation and it shows how important it is to not linger on and judge outer appearances but to allow ourselves to feel from our heart.
Yes because the other way around applies to and some people who look really great on the outside do not live to that.
I look at your before and after Tony and really can appreciate that within us all no matter what we look like on the outside there is an essence within that can come back to life when it is revitalised at any time.
Rebelling is a profound act of investment in the status quo.
This is a great testimony to the falsity and lie of judgement. Many could judge you with you were with dreadlocks for your look, perhaps your smell and your cold shield and guard put up to keep them out. But in this judgement we miss seeing the truth of the person and who is underneath which you have proven is always a very beautiful and tender, sensitive and loving being worth loving no less than who they truly are.
This is such a great relatable blog Tony, your story rings true for so many that have chosen the hiding route in life instead of love and acceptance of the beauty we are.
The part about the stickers really got me into giggles. And they are just that, a sticker we put on top of what is already there yet when we get a tattoo it can be to cover us up or as I did, to make us something or a part of something we are in truth not.
We can try and hide behind how we portray ourselves but we cannot hide from ourselves as we know deep inside that we are a loving, sensitive human being.
It is beautiful to re-visit this blog and deepen the appreciation of what is possible when we return to the truth of who we all are, innately so, in our Divine Essence.
“That real self is a deeply caring man, full of love.”
This is such a beautiful blog Tony, thank you for sharing your amazing changes with us all. The world needs to see how such transformation is possible, hence why sharing your story on this public blog is fabulous. Let all those who are open to it be inspired by you to make their own changes for themselves…
What an amazing unfolding back to your true self, Tony. Your joy in re-discovering how beautiful you are shines through not just in your blog, but in your whole being in your ‘After Universal Medicine’ photograph.
Super gorgeous Tony, when we walk out of our hiding the whole universe get a blessing.
‘So why can we be so unhappy in our own skin that we choose to turn our skin and body into a colouring-in book by getting tattoos?’ And why are so many men and women nowadays unhappy in their skin as more and more people are choosing to have a tattoo and most of the times more than one.
Tony this is beautiful to see how you have evolved into the loving sensitive man you are today, and none of your past photos resemble who you are today.
What a gorgeous transformation, thank you for sharing and inspiring us to be true to ourselves.
Great sharing Tony, it is difficult for young men to allow their sensitivity to be openly felt, and rebelling against the harsh realities of the world is something I have observed over the years, it is beautiful how you have allowed your sensitivity to grow, and the more men openly show their sensitivity as a strength the greater the reflection is for other young men to allow their sensitivity to be part of them without feeling the need to hide it or become something they are not.
So great to see the care in your face Tony, your eyes lit up and that warm open smile. It’s wonderful to feel how we all benefit from a man who is open to his feelings compared to one who is not. It’s important for society and our relationships that all men do honour their tenderness and sensitivity.
This blog is lovely to read, what a blessing you attended some Universal Medicine events and from there allowed your true self to be seen and felt, ‘ is about being loving, tender, supportive and being able and willing to share my feelings. Those traits aren’t being weak. I now feel that they are strengths that I am choosing to embrace.’
With regards to tattoos, its hard to find a young person walking down the street who doesn’t have one. Yesterday I saw a young woman with the whole of one leg covered in tattoos, back and front. It used to be a small piece on a part of the body sometimes not normally seen, but now its getting more extreme. You ask a great question – ‘Why do we feel the need to drastically change the way we look?’ And my understanding is that they are very painful to get. This is worth discussing.
There are many ways to hide our sensitivity. I’ve just realised my primary way was with food to dull me from feeling, and weight to provide an additional physical barrier. I’ve known about these 2 ways for a long time. What I didn’t know was exactly why I was using them – to feel less vulnerable and fragile. It’s great to get clear on this.
This is a great example of how an image and ideal gets in a way of us feeling enough to be who we naturally are and let ourselves be. “I never considered that I was trying to hide behind my image. At the time I saw it as rebelling“ – this is huge, you are basically saying we use an image to counter an image – lies fighting lies. It’s very beautiful when we realise this and go back to the simplicity of truth. And the sparkle and beauty and ease I feel in your recent photos say so much.
The power of what you’ve claimed here in your words resonates deeply Tony: “That real self is a deeply caring man, full of love.”
How often, is it the most deeply sensitive of beings who turns to a lifestyle of self-abuse and hiding? Are we willing to see that we’ve created a society that fosters such pain and inner turmoil? A society that keeps us from the deep care and love that all are capable of bringing?
We are all responsible for the predominant attitude that men need to be ‘tough’ and it is doing us immense harm. In this, the buck stops with the way we live our own lives – how we treat each other and honour also ourselves, that we may make not only reparation, but nurture a societal change that allows the true light of all to shine.
It takes great inner strength to step out of any facade we may have been hiding behind in life… and so it’s very powerful that you share this Tony. I would truly like to hear more about what occurred when you found yourself ’emerging’ and re-engaging openly with people and in life through the change you went through, as this is such a powerful transformation…
For me, nought has compared to being truly met and seen as all that I am by Serge Benhayon, and then many others now today – no expectations, no imposition, nothing ‘coming at me’ to fight me or shut me down… just the pure beauty of being held in real love. And the deepest of inspiration that I also intend to the best of my ability to see beyond the veneer and the facade, to the true and beautiful being who is always within, no matter how ‘scary’ the outer shell…
Such a powerful transformation Tony, it is crazy the lengths we go to protect and hide ourselves from our own amazingness. The before and after shots of you are so different it is truly beautiful to see you claim the gorgeous tender man you are and to reflect your loving choices to others every where you go.
“Why do we feel the need to drastically change the way we look?” A good question Tony, and as you mention it may often be because we don’t feel confident enough just as we are. Tattoos, piercings, cosmetic surgery – have all become even more commonplace these days. What if we were celebrated for us being who we truly are – without any need for ‘enhancements’? If sensitivity were honoured, would tattoos etc be so popular?
What a way to hide your sensitivity! It’s such an effective way that most people would have been sold on your tough guy image and had no idea of what lay beneath. How many others in society are doing that same thing?
This is super inspiring Tony. It’s interesting what you’ve mentioned about tattoos – As you’ve shared it is so common these days to have at least one tattoo, and if they are used as a form of protection, hardness or rebellion then a great question we need to ask is WHY we are looking to disconnect from each other and wear this armour?
What an amazing transformation Tony. You can feel without a doubt the far greater quality of love and appreciation you now hold for yourself, and the confidence in which you claim your tenderness and sensitivity, and express what you feel is totally inspiring. Through you being you, the man you innately are, the meaning of what a strong and tender loving man is being returned to its truth and reflected to all men to equally, that this is who they also naturally are within.
This was such a pleasure to read Tony. I love that you have come to a place where you have let go of trying to protect what needn’t be protected and no longer need or want to hide who you are… choosing instead to embrace the deeply loving and caring you, for everyone to enjoy with you.
It’s crazy how we humans fall into the trap of feeling that we need to create an image to hide behind instead of appreciating and embracing the true picture of beauty that we all naturally are ‘warts and all’.
How beautiful it is to see the whole you rather than the snipet from behind the mask.
I loved reading your story Toni. It is deeply inspiring for both men and women alike. Many hide behind something or someone and to see the magnifance of the man you are is proof positive hiding doesn’t bring us joy. It keeps one stuck, doubtful and fearful. Your steps are to be followed and embraced.
“hiding doesn’t bring us joy. It keeps one stuck, doubtful and fearful.” Thank you Leigh. Life’s far more richer when we claim our sensitivity and feel the hurts rather than hide away from them. Because really the things that hurt, the words and behaviours are also stickers. Covering up otherwise deeply lovely people.
Beautiful Tony. I’ve met plenty of people that don’t have the beard and dreads that still have the attitude of keep out. That keep out stance never feels as tough as it feels protective and insecure. It is lovely to see your open face and to feel how strong and loving you are, and you were always this. Thank you for sharing it with the world.
Tony what a change you have made – that is really very inspiring! I love your invitation – “I am Tony Steenson. I am honest and loving and I have re-discovered how beautiful I am and I invite you to do the same.” as you are the best role model ever to show the world that a re-discovering is possible.
Wow Tony, it’s like night and day, your pictures of how you are now versus how you’ve been. It’s beautiful to see and feel your warmth shining out for all to see.