Finding Me

by Sue Kira, Naturopath, Gold Coast, Queensland

Many people search the world to ‘find themselves’. How weird is that, when you can never leave yourself? … Or can you?

This morning I was showering and thinking about my day ahead and what I was going to wear and all sorts of things and I suddenly realised I was somewhere else, being transported all over the place by my mind. I was not ‘with me’.

And then my body told me: “Hey, don’t leave me. I’m part of you, we’re supposed to be in this together.” So I continued to shower and feel what was going on without distractions… the water on my skin, how my body felt… it was beautiful and calming and made a huge difference to how I felt overall.

We don’t ‘need’ to travel, seek a spiritual guru, or do another course or workshop to find ourselves – it’s with us right now. I wonder how often our bodies must shout out to us: “Look at me! What are you doing, silly dodo, I’m right here!” But we don’t listen.

I used to think that I had to meditate to get my mind to shut up, but found it was an on-going struggle.

I learned from Universal Medicine that the mind never shuts down, but we can bring it to a place of stillness by just sitting and feeling what we are doing, such as breathing. Or we can simply focus on what we are doing, without thinking about the past, future, ‘what if’ or other distractions. It’s called ‘conscious presence’.

I began to test what I had heard and gradually brought conscious presence into my life – and boy (or girl), what a difference it made.

Then Natalie Benhayon revealed to me during an Esoteric Ovary Massage session that while I had become more present, I could also do so with joy, as sometimes we can be too serious about what we do instead of being playful. Since then I have brought more joy into what I do and even have silly moments… which are so much fun.

Years ago I was out there ‘looking for myself’ and I had become a chameleon, changing to ‘fit in’ with others to be liked and loved. I had forgotten who I was. In the early days of meeting Serge Benhayon, he said to me, “Just be you”. But who was that?

I didn’t know who I was anymore because I had travelled extensively and tried many different modalities and workshops to ‘find myself’: yet all this had done was to take me further away from me. If I’d continued seeking answers in this way, I would have continued to live in confusion.

The process of finding myself and being with myself has been, and continues to be, a very gradual process. The healing workshops, presentations and support from Universal Medicine helped me let go of ‘who I’m not’ and allowed me to unravel who I am.

And I found me… the little girl who loves to be play-full and laugh out loud (LOL) and speak honestly about what I feel, rather than hiding or becoming a chameleon to fit in.

Perhaps I should have titled this article ‘Finding Memo’… much more fun!

95 thoughts on “Finding Me

  1. This is sooo Awesome and beautiful Sue, I can really feel you through what you have written… I Love your playfulness and joy it touches me deeply, thank you Sue.

  2. Sue, I love your comment, ‘the mind never shuts down, but we can bring it to a place of stillness by just sitting and feeling what we are doing, such as breathing. Or we can simply focus on what we are doing, without thinking about the past, future, ‘what if’ or other distractions’. So simple, so effective – (I should post this on my forehead).

    1. It is simple and so powerful, there used to be a program running in my head that if I didn’t think about the million things upcoming I would be caught out, so in all the anxiousness and nervous energy I would always be somewhere else and not being present with exactly what I was doing.. not realising that in this, I was missing out on all the understanding of what was needed in that moment, and the irony is of course, that I wasn’t prepared for all of those moments that arise as I had not been present in the lead up. So a self-defeating self-fulfilling prophecy.

  3. I love your article Sue. It so speaks for all of us. What is beautiful is that you put in all the detail and don’t ‘broad-wash’ the detail out. When you say you met Serge and he said, ‘Just be you’, you then put in that next crucial detail ‘But who was that?’ This makes all the difference for me in the quality of what is said or written and makes it ‘real’ and true. Thanks for this care and precision!

  4. Your article made me smile so much Sue! I love your sense of fun in how you write and in your words! It’s funny since I had the exact same reply as you re “just be you”…which used to perplex me because I would think and reply — ‘but I am being me!’. ‘Being me’ becomes clearer and clearer the more I become aware of all those times and instances in which I’ve happily taken, used and accepted someone else’s words, thoughts, opinions etc as being my own to then influence my decisions and choices – which indeed just illustrates the not ‘being me’, but instead the ‘being someone else’. The more I learn to trust my own feelings, speak and express those minus the fear of ‘getting it or being wrong’, the more I discover not only who I really am, but also the distance traveled away from ‘being myself’ which only confirms that ‘being me’ is the only thing that really matters. Finding Memo. Love it!

    1. Yes Zofia, being me seems to be an ever unfolding journey. The other day we were listening to a really clear song at choir and someone said it was as if they had ‘disappeared’. It was then agreed that maybe what was ‘not them’ had disappeared and left a deeper true ‘them’ to be revealed. And so it unfolds.

  5. Wow Sue, you really have touched me with your gorgeous playfulness, I giggled at myself when you mentioned what Natalie said how serious we can get… how very serious I have been! And your words washed over me like a woosh of fresh light loveliness, come to say “hello, here we are together!” :> So lovely, thank you. If I lived nearby, I would probably invite myself over 😉

    1. Yes I still get exposed now and again for seriousness which is crazy when I see how fun life can be when I stay light.

  6. Thanks for writing this Sue, being made aware of conscious presence is such a gift.Before Universal Medicine I was always off ‘somewhere else’ or ‘living in a different time’ or I did nothing without listening to music – never present with me, even when driving. To be made aware of conscious presence and connecting to myself has definitely changed my life for the better.

  7. I know that “off being somewhere else” my mind is always racing ahead ….onto the next thing, fixing and sorting things out. “Just be you” is so simple and healing when it is said but harder to live. It has taken me a while to unravel the complications I made in my life that stopped me form being me and I could very much relate to being a chameleon and fitting in. Being present with my thoughts and allowing my body and mind to work together is amazing to feel, everything becomes so easy and simple….. It is still something I work on everyday. Thank you Sue for writing about “Finding you” and reminding us to be playful and joyful in our lives.

  8. Sue, I loved how you said – “And then my body told me: “Hey, don’t leave me. I’m part of you, we’re supposed to be in this together.” Conscious presence has really been a gift for helping bring harmony to my mind and movements, bringing me back to the present moment and helping my quality in that moment.

  9. Thank you Sue, I too have loved finding MEMO! Yes, being the perfect chameleon to fit in with all occasions, and forgetting the gorgeousness of the memo that was here all along.

  10. It is so true Sue, that we never have to ‘look’ for ourselves we only have to just ‘be’ ourselves, as we are it all. Thank you for the reminder to remain present with all that we are and to have fun with it.

  11. A beautiful reminder to not leave ourselves and stay connected and to also bring joy and playfulness into our presence. Gorgeous.

  12. Joyful Sue reading your amazing blog was an absolut reminder for me – it was the easiness and the joy that got me. It is not so hard to be with yourself if you chose to be in the present – I have to admit that my body also shout out to me: “Look at me! What are you doing, silly dodo, I’m right here!”

  13. A great reminder of how easy it is to leave ourselves, but also the ease with which we can bring ourselves back ( if we choose to) and enjoy the fullness of every moment.

  14. I can relate to this idea of being a Chameleon. I have rushed around trying to find answers from other people and its never really worked. What I’ve learnt is that the world leading expert on me, is me! So the best thing to do is to listen to myself, and build that relationship with me.

  15. Great point Sue! What we usually consider ‘finding ourselves’ is not. As you rightly say, if we are with our body all the time, there is nothing to find outside of us that you can say ‘this is me’. ‘Me’ is only inside me. What we usually call finding ourselves is finding something for ourselves that numb our body and talks to our mind. So ‘finding ourselves’ is perfect to guarantee not to find yourself and who you truly are. It cannot be otherwise when the body is left out of the equation and not recognised in its Godliness.

  16. I relate to every word you have expressed here Sue. Finding Memo indeed! I am still working out who I am … but I have a feeling that I am more wonderful than anything I ever imagined. The truth has been with me (in my body) all along, patiently waiting for me to reconnect.

    1. Beautifully said Leonne – ‘.. I am more wonderful than anything I ever imagined.’
      Our Souls are waiting patiently to show us the truth of who we are and where we are from.. but will we give them a body and the space to join us here? I love what this blog shares in when we drop the search and surrender to the God within then all will be revealed.

  17. Super cute sue. Loved reading this. You’ve made such a good point about how people try to find and discover who they are… When you have put it the way you have it doesn’t make much sense when all you have to do is stay with your body. So often I find my mind running off in all sorts of directions.. I find when it’s like this I have much more self doubt and I am a lot more unsure of myself.

  18. I really enjoyed reading this Sue. Learning to be present with what my body is doing and how it feels in that moment at first was not easy but now I am starting to understand and accept how simple it really is. It’s one thing to be aware of the body but another (which really stood out to me in your blog) was a sense of joy in my moments, a quality equal to love that is also with us all the time but have for a while ignored. What I have learnt recently is that at first feeling me required me to physically stop what I was doing, to have pauses in the day. By all means these are super important but what I am learning now is that life doesn’t stop for me to pause -every- five seconds and ‘feel me’ but that I can be aware of my body and the real me while doing tasks and being in life rather than acting like a statue.

  19. Creating different versions of me was a part of needing to be liked everywhere I went. When I started to learn to love myself by applying practical things like staying present and feeling my quality, this seemingly insatiable need began to lessen. Now I am coming to the awareness that ‘me’ is an essence and not a personality. And this essence is the expression of my love, our love, God’s love. It’s all one. That means me is you and you is me. It doesn’t make us all the same, because we are unique in the ways of expressing it.

  20. Sue, I relate to what you share here. I tried to find myself out there too. After being dissatisfied with institutionalised religion, I travelled and tried the new age and so-called natural healing modalities. I pushed the boundaries and rebelled against myself to create a version of me I thought was it and to fit in. Nothing filled the void, until, with the support of an esoteric practitioner, I started to reconnect to my body and feel the essence of me. Feeling my love and truth from the inside helped to bring to light what wasn’t me and what wasn’t true.

  21. Thank you Sue I can relate to so much of this blog particularly my mind always being somewhere else and becoming a chameleon to fit in. Bringing conscious presence to what I am doing in any moment has transformed the quality of my life and given me a solidness that had been sadly lacking and yes I am also letting go and being playful with it which is so much more enjoyable!

  22. I have to admit that somewhere along this life, I lost myself, and am currently getting to know myself again. It is taking a lot of practise to be consciously present, there are always distractions waiting to distract me, and I often have to stop to ask myself what choice I really want to make, as I haven’t naturally made choices that are just for me since I was a child -it’s always been about what i think I ‘should’ do… It is very lovely getting to know myself again though, I give myself more time, pay more attention to myself, and am more considerate and caring, it’s a bit like dating myself and I even feel like I’m falling in love with myself the more I get to know the real me and appreciate that.

  23. ‘Finding myself’ – yes, I fell for that one too, and have manufactured quite a few red herrings, and settled for the most familiar/comfortable/deeply ingrained package as IT. Learning to re-acquaint myself with me as an essence has revealed the fact that I really had no idea what that ‘me’ truly was, and my attempt to being myself was so way off the mark.

  24. Thanks Sue for sharing your experience of ‘finding me’ – I can relate to searching for myself for many years, crazy really when everything was within me waiting to be re-connected to. Thank you for this gorgeous reminder – to bring more joy and playfullness to our daily lives.

  25. The more we search outside of us, the more entrenched we get in the desires for more, more travels, more books, more movies, more… The movement inside leads to less and less things that I need and I feel more and more full of me.

  26. Is it really ok to be me? I’ve struggled with this one due to experiences in the past and ideals and beliefs I carry about how I should be in the world. But nothing comes close to giving me the fulfilment and joy that ‘just being me does’. I’m slowly coming out of my protective shell and relaxing into just being me again and it feels amazing!

  27. On ‘finding Memo’ yes I can feel the loveliness of finding ‘you’ as you share with so much beauty and simplicity, why go anywhere else

  28. When we were asked as children, what do you want to be when you grow up? A great answer could have been, Even more of the truly amazing me I already am. But instead through our limited understanding we answered, a nurse, sailor, singer, dancer, doctor, etc. and opted for something far less, a role we could play with a costume we could don to become it. All the better if along the way we compiled a portfolio of characters we could portray on any given occasion, extending our appeal to a much broader audience. But what if we knew we had the choice, when small, to play a part but not ‘be it’. How beautiful to know, from an early age, that life is not about what you do, or the roll you play but being and expressing the stupendous, the truly amazing, the ineffable you from the pure brilliance of the light within, that far outshines any of the spotlighting or foot lighting on the empty stage in the theatre of life.

  29. Love this Sue and love the question you pose – can you ever leave yourself? I too have discovered that I leave myself more than I realise, not so much as in the past, but it is still so easy to do so. And really why would I want to leave me when everything I want is right here with me – but that took me a while to figure out, but I finally have, thanks to the inspiration and the wonderful wisdom of Serge Benhayon.

  30. Yes, to what you share and especially to the playfulness. That makes such a difference in life. It influences the way we look at the world and guards us in taking things personal.

  31. Sue, I too used to live in my head constantly being fed thought after thought. Since attending Universal Medicine presentations and learning about the gentle breath meditation, I found this has been the best technique to bring my focus down from my mind and to bring a quality of presence and connection to my inner self feeling the joy in that connection naturally expand.

  32. I can’t help but smile and share your Joy Sue – what a fun and precious blog. Thank you for the reminder to be Joyful and playful in our approach to being present – I sure can get far to serious with needing to get somewhere with myself rather than simply enjoying where I am at. There is much Joy to be had in presence.

  33. Beautiful Sue, it is true, we are the ones that have chosen to leave us and we are the only one who can bring ourselves back. Universal Medicine is an incredible support in finding our lost path home.

  34. When I found me, it was like a tree loosing all its leaves in autumn, so light. Then new leaves grew and fell and grew again, so from the outside the tree looks more or less the same and does the same things, but the way is different. Its breath has changed, became gentle. And for those who choose to see, the branches have grown wider.

  35. Sue I smiled when I read your comment about how we often try all manner of things to find ourselves by looking outside never realising the most obvious place to find ourselves is within us and a gentle breath away. Beautifully simple and profound at the same time.

  36. Sue, I love ‘ finding memo’! and that you found your sense of fun and being you! What you wrote could have been for me. It is so simple to be with ourselves in conscious presence. It cuts away the confusion of not knowing “who am I” and makes living and being ourselves so simple!
    ” I didn’t know who I was anymore because I had travelled extensively and tried many different modalities and workshops to ‘find myself’: yet all this had done was to take me further away from me. If I’d continued seeking answers in this way, I would have continued to live in confusion.”
    I am enjoying getting to know ‘who I am’ discovering in all the moments with me together mind, body and soul what my natural qualities are !

  37. Gorgeous blog Sue. “We don’t ‘need’ to travel, seek a spiritual guru, or do another course or workshop to find ourselves – it’s with us right now. I wonder how often our bodies must shout out to us: “Look at me! What are you doing, silly dodo, I’m right here!” But we don’t listen.” Having spent many years spiritual searching, coming home to me and my body – thanks to presentations by Serge Benhayon – has been nothing short of life-transforming.

  38. A great description of conscious presence – the mind and the body being ‘in this together’ – and how you discovered the joy of having fun with it rather than taking yourself super seriously. I often ask myself where I’ve been when I’ve come back to my body after hours of being totally in my head. Conscious presence allows me to live within the full space and scope of my body rather than confined to the mind.

  39. I can remember finding “Just be you” very challenging as I was trying to find something outside of myself to give me the answer. Gradually through the presentations of Serge Benhayon I have explored and discovered the true me of my essence and the joy in connecting to this equal essence in others.

    1. Me too Mary. In fact the words ‘just be you’ used to frustrate me no end. I thought “well how could I be anything else?” Soon enough I came to realise that the me I thought was me was not me at all but a poor imitation based on protection and hurts. What a joy it has been to find out who I really am and how grateful I am that Serge Benhayon has seen the ‘Memo’ in us all.

  40. Thank you Sue for sharing in such a lighthearted way, your return journey to finding the true you. No need for searching hither and tither outside ourselves to find ourselves, it is just a matter of turning our gaze within.

  41. I have realised that living from within my head for many years prevented me from feeling connected to my body and from developing a relationship with me so that there was no foundation of knowing myself to stand upon to cope with life. Because of this I learnt to look outside for acceptance not aware that I was able to do this for myself until I discovered the Gentle Breath Meditation and the way back to finding the true me.

  42. Very cute Sue! Finding Memo! It is strange that we spend so much time ‘finding’ ourselves and even more time ‘losing’ our connection to who we really are in the first place.

  43. Thank you Sue i loved reading your blog and know your lovingness and playfulness no need for looking elsewhere for you have found you. It is amazing that we spend so much time out there looking for ourselves, it is an ongoing process staying connected when we do find ourselves.

  44. I really enjoyed reading your blog Sue, and the playfulness in which you write. It is funny how we learn to keeping striving to achieve and look outside ourselves for answers or to find ourselves only to discover the truth of who we really are is a few simple breaths away to an inner connection that is truly life changing in its simplicity.

  45. It’s true Sue, our minds can never be shut down so basically we have 3 choices. We can let our mind wander and get lost in automatic drive and thoughts, or we can numb them. Alternatively, we can have conscious presence which is when our mind and body are doing the same thing. It’s a no brainier really for which choice is more connected and productive.

  46. It’s sadly common to come across people who have spent so much time looking for themselves they have lost themselves in all the seeking and in everything they are not. How gorgeous to be able to unpick and unravel all of that to reveal the beauty and innocence that need not be hidden, or moulded, but rather fully embraced and expressed.

  47. I had the same experience when it was introduced to me ‘to just be me’, I had to ask myself ‘but who am I?’ as I had been lost under a cover up of ideals and beliefs, but the Universal Medicine modalities and practitioners support with just that to unpack all the stuff that is not us, so that we are able to finally discover who we truly are without all these masks, wannabes and pictures.

  48. Imagine a dog that got scared by a car, and then every day after cowers whimpers and hides every time one passes by. It’s like the original event is reinacted every day, yet this moment of difficulty has long since gone away. Isn’t it possible that we act like this dog too, on so many levels? Your words here Sue inspire me to live free of all these past memories, to open the door and leave the prison of prior injury.

  49. Being too serious about what I am doing and where I am at has caused me much pain. Re-introducing playfulness to my life has been interesting, I’ve struggled a lot but whenever I do allow myself to be playful I feel a lightness like when I was a young girl.

  50. Even if we are sitting still, thinking a thousand things, the body is still being affected by our thoughts. Like thinking of an argument or worrying about the time can send the body into nervous tension very easily. So I agree with you Sue, in feeling how the mind can transport us all over the place away from the body and what it is doing, even if it is simply sitting still.

  51. Sue I can relate to what you have shared on so many levels. I travelled a lot as well and what I realise I was doing was running away from life not finding me as I thought and I was getting further and further away from me developing lots of interests in modalities. The beautiful thing about the esoteric work is that I don’t need to find me at all, as I have been there all along. But how I was living was keeping me from seeing this. Now I am gradually coming back step by step realising that the me and I meeting is true and exquisitely beautiful – just like everyone.

  52. It is interesting to note how many times in the day I can disconnect from my body and go into auto-pilot, when I choose to be in conscious presence it’s a game changer and this definitely allows more space and lightness in my day.

  53. How many of us, myself included have tried in the past to shut or quiet the mind, maybe in meditation, only to find it impossible for any length of time, how refreshing to finally have this confirmed, ‘I learned from Universal Medicine that the mind never shuts down, but we can bring it to a place of stillness by just sitting and feeling what we are doing, such as breathing.’

  54. There is a lot of joy in expressing honestly what we can feel, because through that expression, we connect more deeply to ourselves and others, and there’s a spaciousness and expansive feeling.

  55. It is awesome to know our body and give it the attention it deserves. Conscious presence brings stillness to our lives. Which is very much needed in our always racy society.

  56. And doing it with joy is so important, joy is a quality that is often missed in our lives, it brings lightness and a deep appreciation.

  57. What a lovely light-hearted blog. I have also come to realise that the rediscovery of me is not an outward search but an inward reconnection with something I already am and an increasing awareness and commitment to let go of all the things I have put on top of the real me.

  58. So great that you mentioned joy and being playful in the blog as I have found the same experience of sometimes getting way too serious or hard with myself or others at times when I know my natural way is to be joyful and playful. Sometimes you have just got to laugh at the tricks we play on ourselves.

  59. We have many sayings for things like this, “finding myself”, “searching for answers”, “to seek something greater” etc etc and for me they all meant everything else but actually about myself. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are presenting is that we are already everything and have no need to roam the country side looking for answers. This isn’t a new thing by any means and nor does anyone claim it to be. But it is something we are not supported to see in this world, that we have all the answers to everything within us and we just need to relearn how to truly connect to them.

  60. Out there in the New Age and personal development circuit its more about being something, improving the self, or getting to the illusive higher self, as well as creating more wealth, success, and pictures of perfection in ones outer life. It wasn’t until I came to the work of Serge Benhayon that I heard “just be yourself”. That in itself was a revelation because even the process of education and it’s inevitable movement towards employment is about making you into “something”. It’s so incredibly healing to return to all that we are, to simply be ourselves, and value that as what we bring to life, not what we do. We are after all human be-ings!

  61. Haha I can feel the joy and the playfulness in your writing Sue. It seems to me that Memo has been found!

  62. In all the years I spent trying to find out who or what I was through what I did in the world, it was and still is a beautiful confirmation to re-discover and know that who I really am is defined through my connection to my essence within, a quality that as you have shared never, ever leaves us, remains true and is always ready to be lived.

  63. There are many many paths we can go down in search of who we are, meandering for a very long time and creating countless complications in the process. The simplicity of connecting to who we are from within is perhaps far too simple for many, yet this is exactly how it is.

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