by Janina Koch, Cologne, Germany
I have felt to share my experience with relationships (partners). I was very touched and inspired in Amina´s recent published article (Pressure to be in a Relationship with ‘The One’), by her openness and honesty. I feel it is important to share with another what is actually going on in relationships, as from the outside a lot of relationships or marriages seem great.
I started quite late with having long-term relationships, around age 21: before then, I had crushes on a lot of boys. I normally chose those who would not be interested in me, as I didn’t really trust men. And after having one short relationship with a guy who wasn’t really interested in me (nor I in him; we came together at a party with a lot of alcohol), I felt that I had had enough of men… my level of hate and frustration was quite strong.
Then I started dating women. I had two relationships with two beautiful women, which together lasted 10 years.
But really, as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself – but I had such a self-destructive picture of myself that I couldn’t.
One of my ways in a relationship was to get moody, criticising the other; wanting things to be different and blaming the other person. Also, I often wasn’t really in contact with my partner and, even when we lived together, just existed without any true contact or loving interaction.
Then I met a man who I felt I could trust. So I began to open myself to men again… which took quite some years, and is still continuing.
I received a beautiful Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy session from a male practitioner the other day. As this technique goes very deep, I could feel that I am still only going so far and am still holding back a part to let go of – and that it is time now to trust men again and to let them truly in, which I chose to do in the session. I could also get to feel the deep, hidden sadness I had of not being love, and how I have never been able to share this love on a deeper level with a partner.
Instead, I saw I was often reacting, for whatever reason; and often with anger and frustration towards my partners – including the beautiful partner with whom I live today. As I have been keeping myself in this state of emotion, I have not been able to see how he is absolutely gorgeous and pure love, and choose instead to keep him away from me.
When I realised how unloving my behaviour really was, I felt guilty and bad, which didn’t help much, either. And I wondered why he had stayed with me, for five years now.
Until I could see the other, ‘true me’ side – that I had developed during the last years – and the beauty and healing I’ve also brought to him (also through my singing and giving him healing sessions). I paved the Esoteric way for us both to walk on, as I had kept in contact with Universal Medicine the whole time.
So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?
I can feel that part of my sadness is at having lost loved ones in the past, which was so very painful, and that I would choose anything rather than go through that pain again. But this was also a total giving up of everything worth living for. That’s how my life felt – like a giving up. I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.
What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.
So thank you to all of you already living it! Thank you especially to the couples I could observe and begin trusting that there is a loving, beautiful way to be with another… we have a couple of them here in Germany!!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
“Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?“ This is great Janina, I hadn’t quite looked at it this way that we can “claim our love back” – makes sense! When I give my power away to receiving love from outside myself, that’s the perfect opportunity to claim my love back.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to” If there is one thing we should get taught at school and drummed into again and again it should be the above.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” Very powerful words to live by, I’m not quite there yet as I’m still breaking down the false consciousness around love, but what a joy to be returning to being love, instead of believing I am at the mercy of whether others love me or not – when they can only truly be the love they are or not as well.
Beautiful to read how you have claimed you back, ‘it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.’
What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it. Janina this is pure poetry.
Wow I can relate to this, thank you for being so open and honest about this; ”As I have been keeping myself in this state of emotion, I have not been able to see how he is absolutely gorgeous and pure love, and choose instead to keep him away from me.’
Janina this is beautiful and testament the fact we can never ever truly love another if we are not first love ourselves.
I am love so I cannot lose it, but I can develop it, nurture it and connect to it more in me… and that is the first step to having more of it in my life (or in anyone’s life). Its a simple equation.
Deeply honest and beautiful sharing, Janina. “My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it” – this changes everything about why we would choose to be in a relationship. And just like you felt inspired by those who were already living it, there is a purpose for all that we live – to model and reflect a way of being. Life is never about our own selves.
Reading your blog Janina I came to this part
“I can feel that part of my sadness is at having lost loved ones in the past, which was so very painful, and that I would choose anything rather than go through that pain again. But this was also a total giving up of everything worth living for.”
I started to cry because I could feel that part of my sadness is having lost loved ones in past lives through nothing more than they lived a life that was considered unacceptable at the time. And I do wonder if we have moved on from those times when it was considered punishable by death to live the truth and love of God. We may live in so called ‘modern times’ but there are still those people who cannot and will not accept that we are not on this earth to exist but to evolve back to our origins and so try to stop such a movement back to where we belong.
What else do we need to see and be inspired by! How gorgeous, thank you !
Thank you Janina, reading your blog I felt the appreciation is have for everyone who writes and shares their experiences as we all can learn so much. I also appreciated your realness about the pain of losing people, that we can close down our love because loving can mean pain in loss, I’m sure many people can relate to this, I know I can. And very inspiring truth here: “What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” I’m working towards that consistency of living my love without the ups and downs or disconnections to the love within that can so often happen.
It does not matter how physically close we are to another or how a relationship looks close to others who are not in it, even being physically close we can still shut the other person out if we choose to, so it make look the ‘picture’ but in truth is not. As you have shared the key here is first the relationship with ourselves.
“Even when we lived together, just existed without any true contact or loving interaction”. I get the feeling this is not unusual. As you say many relationships look good on the outside but when we hold onto not wanting to be hurt, we cant actually love or be loved. Lovely to read about the changes you have experienced.
We think we are holding another at arm’s length but really we are holding ourselves away. The love we are never leaves, we just gradually withdraw away from it if we do not deal with our hurts.
Love starts at home or within as we are so lost from feeling, which is the feeling that comes when we are re-connected to our essences that it takes time to get ourselves back in bed with the innate love that we all are. So as you have shared Janina; “ My love is not dependent on another”!
I always appreciate your writing Janina, it’s very honest, real, relatable, and is beautifully expressed. I can relate to this line “I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.” It can be quite a process letting go of the hurts and understanding how they came about in the first place and our responsibility in their formation, and more importantly the power of love within us that remains untouched despite our experiences – a love we can reconnect to and live from again.
It is not until we are faced with someone who lives another way that we know there is another way, and by another way, I mean a way that is not our normal. If our normal is shouting then we cannot imagine discussing things with another without ending up shouting. There is nothing great about shouting at each other, it is actually quite traumatic, so to have someone come into our lives that reflects a different way is a blessing not something to push back on.
You write in relation to choosing men to be with: “I normally chose those who would not be interested in me, as I didn’t really trust men.” – that is a very strange sentence and one that I am sure many men and women share. If you don’t trust men and then you choose untrustworthy men you will constantly confirm yourself in not trusting men and the same for men who do that with women or women with women and so on so forth. But really we have to question why we do play this game in the first place. You have given some insights into how it was for you and it may be a little different for each of us, but certainly something we need to explore.
Ultimately it is about loving, trusting and connecting to ourselves and from there everything else comes as our relationships with others are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves and truth.
Nicola this in part may come from the commonly held belief that we get love from others, not that we are love in our essence, and can share that love within every relationship, as well as also offering others the space to come back to their love in their own time.
I agree – we all want love and don’t realise that we already are all that we seek. We have a huge misconception about the truth of love. Unimedpedia Love: http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-love.html provides some great quotes and audio about what love truly is.
How lost are we that we have come to the belief that love is something we can only get from another and not the truth in that it is innately within us all. It is like being a huge lake but feeling we have no water so searching for a tap!
Being open and transparent in our build a relationship brings a deep-humble-appreciative-ness of the love we all are and thus provides the space for others to also “trust” because they can feel no “games” are being played.
Love is the maker of all. Anything less is harm if it’s intentions are less than love.
Not every movement allows you to truly move (forward). Only some of them do. Many other ones help you to move around where you are stuck.
Loves flow is the currency of honesty, transparency and sharing. When we hold back and dam our feelings the effervescence of our relationships dries up.
Thankyou for your open and honest sharing Janina. “I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. ” I wonder how many do this? Yet you moved on – “And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.” Beautiful. As you share , we must love ourselves before we can truly love another.
The more we realise that hurts are delays put in the way – we know we are on the track to return to more love!
So many of us have done this and still do this today, it harms us – does not Serve and means that life is far less enjoyable than it naturally is.
Yes I agree Janina it is always a choice if I love myself or not. Thank you for sharing so openly your journey back to your love deep inside of you as for me the first relationship we have is with ourselves.
I find Simone Benhayon hugely inspiring. Her swimming lessons are so powerful and what I learn with her in the water stays with me . Every lesson builds a stronger relationship wth myself and strengthens my ability to express and share with others.
I have only had one and I still remember it to this day – I am not sure I can say that about most lessons I have had!
‘…within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.’ I’ve worked very hard to keep me from me; all this chasing of the one and devaluing the people I am with and myself was my way of running away from myself. Now I’m stopping to appreciate the love in my life and it’s quite incredible as some days I do my best to deny it!
We can’t lose love it’s on tap all the time – it’s just our choice to turn the gauge at various intervals.
And you can’t fall out of love… its a moment by moment choice that we are completely responsible for. Our choice, so which one is it going to be today?
And the tap of love is either open or closed, it can’t be either half on or half off. Also the tap of love can’t be on when we’re with certain people and off when we’re with others, it’s either on or it’s off and when it’s on then whoever comes into our radius both near and far will feel the effects, all be it unconsciously.
Thanks Alexis for your comment here, I found it challenged the belief I held that love can be on or off with certain people, when I sat with it I realised that the love inside me holds everyone equally. What I felt I uncovered was a more insidious and subtler version of emotional love that I had accepted as true love. I really appreciate the group work on offer here, and the opportunities to evolve by working together.
Yep so do I Melinda, so do I.
The true and honest way I have brought love into my relationships is being inspired by Serge Benhayon and Miranda Benhayon’s relationship. Both of them I deeply trust, have an ultimate respect for, and I can be myself in front of them. I hold a strong connection with them that I can go there and, what I have learnt recently is to appreciate that I am willing to go there.
Learning we are love and that no one can take this away from us was at the time when I first heard this revolutionary, and has taken me a long while to accept. So little in life reflects this to us, we are encouraged to seek love outside ourselves and that being loving with ourselves is a selfish act. As you have shared Janina if there is no love for ourself how can we truly love another. Building a strong foundation of knowing who I am and not wanting to try to please others has allowed me to start to love myself and stay open to what love looks and feels like and it is nothing like the emotional conditional love that the world lives by.
No one can rob you of Love – no one can break your heart. It’s only you who can decide that you don’t want to connect today.
Which really has to be the craziest decision ever because love is so glorious and who we all truly are – it is worth everything to allow it and live it.
That was a real learning Joseph, I had not contemplated that we could be living at the mercy of the world yet had such self agency over how we received experiences.
The level of ease and confidence, joy and steadiness that is offered by the reflection of the students of Universal Medicine brings another layer of love to one another. The inspiration is endless.
‘I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.’ No one gives us love, and no one takes it away- though this is a strong belief system that we are brought up in and surrounded with. In fact it is a complete lie that we are fed day in, day out from our virtually our first breath. If we are made of love, yet feel we have lost it, then that is also us choosing to give it up in every moment, and let oursleves be lied to. How can we not be love when it is in every particle that we are made of? and how embedded are these belief systems for us to think otherwise.
Thank you Janina. This speaks for all of us when you say that you used the fact that you felt you had been hurt to then give up on love. we may not have lost loved ones but we have all felt a loss of love and seen this as a reason to give up our own love. The effect is that we don’t let other people come close. This part of our healing – to allow others to be close and let them in.
We can’t ever lose love as it is always there – here – who we are. All we can do is choose to disconnect to it but it is still always there – here – everywhere any moment we choose to reconnect.
It is very sad that in this world we all spend an enormous amount of effort looking for love. Looking high and low, putting up with abuse in many forms, and experiencing emotional dramas constantly. The sad part is the love is within and always was, and I am in deep debt to Serge Benhayon for offering this teaching in an undeniably practical way to anyone who would like to connect to that inner love.
Yes, I agree – meeting Serge Benhayon ignited my heart and reconnection to love. All it takes is one person to live the absolute love that they are (as Serge does) and it sets off a glorious chain response as more and more ignite and offer that flame to others.
The beautiful reflection from Universal Medicine students and practitioners is always an inspiration for me. And sometimes we are an inspiration for others too…..
‘ I am love, so,I can’t lose it unless I choose to. ‘ This is huge Janina. How many of us know this as we grow up, we make so many choices – every day. So what do we choose? To love and be love – or not?
Relationships are measured by our ability to be ‘happy’ when they are truly about us returning to Love. So whatever form that takes, argument, conflict or correction, if you listen and understand, you will see your relationships are truly grand.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” Wow great realisations Janine, this is super inspiring to remind us to bring all the self love and self appreciation we can to ourselves for not only us and our close love ones but it is the whole world that benefits.
Being love ourselves is such an important part of any relationship and I am finding that the more I love me, in particular the more I listen to what I feel and honour and express what I feel, the more love I get back from my partner, because he is now seeing more and more of the true me.
I recognise much of what you say Janina, I have experienced reaction in relationships where I get critical and blame others instead of being loving and feeling the love that is within me. I am slowly learning to recognise the hurts I am hanging on to and letting them go.
Imagine a plant that grew in a box with only a small gap to let the water and light in. Then one day the box is taken away. It would respond instantly, embrace the air, photosynthesise and stretch out into this new space. So why don’t we? With Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s help we’ve destroyed so many prisons built on ideals – now all that remains is to stretch our wings, embrace Love and fly free. Thank you Janina for sharing this.
In relationships we tend to be primarily in relation to our own ways and secondly with the other person. This is a killer for relationships.
Being in a relationship is a huge reflection both with our partner and the world. There is always the potential for more love and your blog reminds me how important it is to observe where we are at without judgment as this is what supports us to open our hearts.
As always, everything is a choice… In this case, in this subject, it is incredibly important to know the choice we’re making and where that choice comes from.
It is so very sad that the foundation for many relationships today is based on need and what the other can do for you. To live one that holds love and deep respect for each other is what we all know a relationship should be and actually crave for it. Could it be our own innate inner knowing that causes us to react in relationships? Could it be time to allow our innate knowing to instead gently guide us in how to respond to the falseness-es in our relationships and bring again true harmony into how we live with ourselves and others?
I can really relate to this blog at the moment and what I am learning is that I don’t need the other person for love, it’s all within me but they can help call it to the surface. A love I have worked hard in burying is now being called out once again. To face my burying efforts isn’t pretty and it hurts but if I am to enjoy my life and have love in life then I need to face my choices. No big deal.
As long as we remain dominated by our hurts we will react, soon or later; freedom begins when we become honest, take responsibility and make different choices. And that makes life truly worth living, very interesting, never boring and so much more joyous.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” Beautifully said Janina. We can never blame another for not giving us love. If we don’t feel it then we are not choosing it for ourselves.
Looking for Love – when Love is what we truly are, and there inside of us all the time.
Thank you for sharing Janina. We can look at other relationships and decide the grass is greener but there are very few people that truly demonstrate what love in a relationship is. I now know quite a few people in wonderful relationships as a result of my association with Universal Medicine and these people have provided amazing lived examples of a love that can be lived in full with self and with others.
We hold back how we feel inside then say relationships are too hard and cannot work any way. But what would it be like to express without judgement and anger but share what we sense to each other? I get the impression Janina we would feel closer together and truly see we are here to deepen this connection via honest reflection not protection games.
Janina I loved reading your blog, I could so relate to letting go of layers of letting people in, and each time I found yet another layer to let go of, realising that the layers of protection served no one, not even myself as it kept me further away from who I truly am.
” What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it. ” This is a huge learning and so clear , living what you are allows what you are to be ” love ”
be love so simple and beautiful thank you for sharing Janina.
I was going to write something very similar. This learning is huge and when lived is a beacon for others to do likewise.
We do know love, and we can recognise it, when we feel it in truth
“ …within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to….” A good point Janina. In the past I was always looking out to others for love, not realising I had a deep well of love already inside of me.
Thank you Janina, I enjoyed reading your blog again and your words about how we can share the love we are with everyone. “I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.”. We grow up in a world that says love comes from another, “The One”, and that it’s something outside of ourselves and we can lose it if “The One” leaves us. It’s empowering to be back to the truth that love is actually who we are and it’s our choice to remain connected to it or not. We don’t have to accept the ups and downs of life as our own love is there to support us, and that begins with simply being who we are.
‘I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on’, I love your honesty in these words Janina and cannot but wonder how many of us in today’s world also use their hurts as an excuse not to grow and thus live their potential.
Yes, past unresolved hurts are one of the strongest causes there is that makes us so fearful that we prefer to suffer rather evolve.
Which also reminds me that our unresolved hurts keep us stuck out of that fear.
Every relationship is a guide back to truth. Even the most toxic arrangement points back in its own way. The sooner we stop pursuing dreams of irresponsibility and embrace this, the sooner we’ll realise how loved we are. Thank you Janina for sharing your journey here.
How beautiful Janina – returning to a deeper level of re-connection with yourself and the realisation that you are love and the fact that it is always there within you to share with others without needing anything from them in return.
“My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it”.
We are love. Fact. What our daily dramas tell us is how strong the part of us that wants us to not be love is. And how much to appreciate when we consistently and steadily in commitment to be love.
A very real account of the many steps we take to get back to.
Understanding and appreciating that our love isn’t dependant on another is massive. Imagine being able to be love with everybody unconditionally without any expectation of it being returned like some favour. This would change our lives forever….literally.
True Elodie. It’s only in the past few years that I’ve felt that love is something I already am rather than something I need to ‘get’ and it has most certainly been life changing.
There is a relationship we have that unless we nurture and take care of it then all other relationships thereafter will reflect it’s path. While I can say this is the relationship we have with ourselves many may see this as being not true or dismiss it. When you look at things, truly look at things, what is the first relationship you have with the ‘thing’? You get some feedback, a message, a thought, a feeling, an impulse and this is alive in you and so the quality of your being or body is important as this will impact or influence the quality of this message, it makes sense. We can go on in life thinking, I am just me this is how I am or we can be open to what the world constantly reflects to us and from there keep expanding the relationship we have with it.
We search and search and search and then we finally realise that there is nowhere to go, nothing to do but be. The simplicity of it brings back much joy and lightness in the way we move and live.
We have a choice of loving ourselves or not, allowing this truth to get through the barriers of protection is also a choice. It might seem like a challenge but it’s always a choice.
Thank you for your honesty Janina. I have a sense that where love is concerned, we never truly lose our love for one another – is just becomes covered over by thoughts, beliefs, ideals etc and by our hurts. I have ‘lost’ loved ones in this life – but I have to say, I have not stopped loving them, nor feeling their love. So perhaps on a deeper level, we are never truly separated from them at all.
Relationships offer a beautiful space for much to be healed and cleared. The intention is often to live the love we are but for many, if not all of us, there are a few impediments and they come in the form of hurts and behaviours. These all come up for review in a relationship and are there to be exposed. When they do, we can either live them out or we can take a look and choose a different way.
I am blessed to be in a relationship with a super gorgeous man where we both can share our love. There were lots of rocky patches in the early years but the love and commitment was always there sometimes clouded by hurts and other stuff. Over time many of those hurts have healed and the love just keeps expanding such that we can’t but share with everyone and on and on it keeps growing and expanding.
We are a great support to each other when we allow our true nature to be, and let that be shared with any one.. Supporting one’s essence and authentic beingness to be equally important than to any other.. Appreciating all that there is in someone and the potential of what he or she brings. That to me is the true beauty of groupwork – all over the world.
Yes it is amazing to have so many couples who are living a quality of love that is quite rare yet really doesn’t need to be.
‘So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?’ Love is Truth.
Well said, when we appreciate all the love we are, we feel how much of a blessing it is for others. We value ourselves and see our part of what we bring to humanity and can’t help but share the incredible gift we are.
I love what you have said here about how love is within us and therefore we cannot lose it. All we can do is not connect to it and then express it but it is never lost. When we see another reflecting that love we then have an opportunity to remember that we too can awaken the love that is within us. This is why the art of reflection is so important.
A beautiful blog about love. Claiming love is simple – the rest is uneasy and hard.
So all we need to do is commit to what we truly want in life – love. And make it our foundation.
Our whole definition of relationships revolves around compatability and people being ‘right’. We seek the person who is a good ‘fit’ only to be disappointed when we discover that we still fight. No matter which way you look at it, this way of relating doesn’t seem to work. Surely it is worth us exploring an alternative way? And what better place than the approach you describe Janina – to Love ourselves to the max and understand every other relationship flows as a consequence of that.
I can relate to feeling the sadness of not living the love we are. For the love we are is a gift unto this world, a world that today largely suffers from lovelessness. As you have shared Janina, and as you live, it is our love that brings great healing to not only our bodies, our being as such our lives, but also to those we share our lives with at home, work and everywhere in between. Developing an honoring relationship with the love we are within first, is the foundation for all other relationships, which allows us to be and live the truth of who we are.
Knowing that everyone I meet has the same unbounded love within them as is within me opens me up to feel this equal love rather than only see the facade that we present on the outside.
If you are wanting to make a change in something or you want something to change then you can’t just stand on the side lines hoping one day for it to be different. No matter what you consider yourself to be, a ‘good’ person, a ‘bad’ person or in between, there is an activity, a dedication to change if that is what you truly want. I have seen many around me take that active step, not just talk about it but be aware of what needs to change and then making active steps with that awareness. The only change that will stick is the one you unwrap and live. When you make it this way you stand on a foundation that is built from how you walked there and this is solid.
It is difficult to make a relationship truly work if you do not at first have a foundation of love within yourself. For always you will then seek out to live out your inadequacies with another, instead of offering them a completeness that does not impose upon them in any way shape or form.
“My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” This is beautiful what you share, that our love is not dependent on another it is within ourselves, but it is beautiful share and express it with another.
I know I have allowed things I have been hurt from the past to cloud how I respond in my present life, and there are layers of this as well. Some times I think I am being open but there is deeper I can always be with letting people in and being truly seen for all that I am.
It is a crushing belief to think that we are not worthy of the love that we are.
Relationships are our biggest and most potent form of learning. Our interactions, reflections to one another, how we love and live at work, home and out-and-about are all very exposing of our relationship with ourselves. We can either deepen the relationship with ourselves through relationships with others or use those relationships to avoid our own.
Thank you Janina. The word commitment came to me as I read your blog. When we commit to ourselves, to evolution and to love we take the steps we need to take to let go of what is not us and expand who we truly are.
How amazing that you claimed your love back from a place of feeling, ‘ as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself ‘, and now you do.
Until we start living a way with a foundation of our connection with ourselves is based on true responsibility is very difficult to be entering into any deep meaningful connection with another.
As I read your blog Janina I could really feel how we can have a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde relationship with ourselves and others according to the actual quality of love we choose and, how the quality and integrity we actually choose either sparks up or shadows the quality of all our relationships.
A very intimate sharing thank you, and one that assists us to look beyond the veil of relationships in society. Family is celebrated as the be all and end all, as the ultimate prize in life, and yet, very few experience true love in this setting – to the point where we now think it is normal to have ups and downs in a marriage, and to the point where many question whether it is even natural for us to be monogamous. Society it truly jaded when it comes to relationships and with good reason. It has a right to be skeptical. However, despite this, the truth is that true relationships can be had – and not just with your partner. However, whilst every one refuses to be reflective in life, and to ponder on their own role in relationships, then one will never have true relationships. For a true relationship requires deep honesty, and a willingness to read life on a much deeper level than we are used to. For we need to be firstly willing to understand and heal what hurts us, and secondly be willing to live in ourselves what we seek in another first. Finally, when it comes to relationships, it is nearly always a two way street. That being said, when relationships go sour, or become difficult, or there is tension that needs to be dealt with we need to read one of two things before determining whether the relationship is true or not. Firstly, we need to ask, are we contributing to the tension because of our own guards and lack of willingness to express love. If the answer is yes, then we need to look at that first. If the answer is no, and we know we are being open, but our partner is not, then we need to assess one of two things. Is the person resisting our love because they actually don’t want to go there? Or, are they resisting our love, not because they don’t want to go there, but because their patterns of protection are so strong, that they are not able yet to do so. If it is the former, then chances are we need to be willing to let them go, because such arrangements often end up becoming abusive. If it is the latter, then we need to give time and space and understanding to our partner to give them time to evolve and resurrect themselves.
For that is the key to all relationships – understanding that they are not about making us feel complete. They are not even just about love and connection, even though they are very much about that. Above all, they are about evolution, and healing, about assisting each person in the relationship to resurrect themselves back to their true fiery selves.
Further to the above, I wish to add, that it is because we don’t see relationships as being about evolution, as to why they often become what we call stale. Basically, a stale relationship, or what we call being in a rut, is simply a situation where both people have become comfortable in the way things are, but are at the same time unsatisfied with the way it is, invariably because they feel the forever tension that every human being experiences that there is actually more to life. Sometimes such a relationship is good to end, for it offers a new beginning, but more often than not, because we do not recognise the fact that relationships are about evolution, we end up seeking another relationship that is just the same, but different colour. And so we get fooled by thinking it is different because it is “new”. However, it is not long before we often discover that it is not new, and are old patterns reemerge. Thus, the key to preventing even a good relationship from going stale, is to recognise that love has no bottom to it. It is a forever deepening process, requiring firstly a willingness to continue to assess and understand its true nature by lived experience, and secondly a willingness to forever tap deeper into its bottomless well and express from that new found level of love. If such a relationship is based on such principles, then we soon enough discover that such a relationship can never go stale.
Thank you for sharing! It offers an opportunity to feel if there is any holding back. It is so easy to pretend everything is Ok to keep the peace, to not spoil the day with a conversation that could bring some stuff up, but, in my experience, those conversations are the real winners for love and the relationship deepens as a result. As you say – why wait?
What I have observed in my own relationship is just how much we can avoid evolution as a couple by not letting our love expand, deepen and grow which it can do very naturally without trying. It’s almost like the love is so amazing, it’s the very thing we want but it is the very thing we avoid too ironically. I feel this is because it asks a greater level of responsibility together as a couple and within yourself as a person and that is very beautiful but is something we ingrainly avoid.
There is so much that we have to heal within ourselves before we can even start to have relationships that are based on truth and not on convenience.
Beautiful blog Janina, thank you for sharing. Indeed what are we waiting for; to live the love and truth that is so naturally us. Great questions;
“So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?
Beautiful sharing, so relateable unfortunately! It is crazy to give up living the love I am so easily due to wanting to protect myself. Sad and a total waste of life! We all want to live this love yet so many of us don’t infact I would say the majority of the world is lost to protection currently so it’s vital that we do live and love in full so that others can be inspired to let go and surrender to love.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” How very true this is – i can say for me that I have been able to reconnect to that inner knowing that I am love, that from such an early age, I was fed that I wasn’t love, that I wasn’t that from the inside and I believed that. I believe for a very very long time, those thoughts that expressed I wasn’t enough, so punished myself and therefore my body as a result. Less so now, but it still presents at times, but can call it out in myself a lot quicker now. The key is what you say – we can’t lose it, unless we choose to. How every true that is.
The love within never leaves us or dies. It is within each and everyone of us and as I learn to live in connection to it I am finding the neediness of having others in my life slipping away. My relationships are changing as I become more aware of the hurts I was holding on to that were holding me back from being love. As I let go of the hurts I feel more steady and stronger in my body knowing and trusting I have all the tools within to face what is presented in front of me to uncover more of that which is not love.
It’s great to come back to this blog again and feel it’s messages on an even deeper level. To realise that every time I react it is because of a hurt and how close to the surface those hurts can be, as if waiting for permission to leave. Realising the love that I have built in my body since the last time I visited this blog is also inspiring. A great marker. Thank you Janina.
No matter how obvious and simple it is I always find it super powerful to be reminded once again that we can never ever lose our love as it is already within us!
Love is not dependent on another is something I am learning daily. and how controlling this can be,that I will only love someone when they show their love to me first,…. and I have not confined this to partners but to everyone I meet. This is slowly changing as I learn to trust myself and know how harming holding back my love can be, both to myself and everyone else. The crazy thing is we do know love and love is what we want but it is also the thing we avoid expressing the most.
I feel this is really insightful as would say not many people either consciously know this (or want to know it!) ‘I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself’. All to often we tend to look outside of ourselves for love, or ignore or override ourselves altogether! and this we will never truly find until we have reconnected to the innate love within ourselves. I noticed this was written 5 years ago, it would be awesome to get an update of how your relationship with both yourself and others has blossomed and if it has how this has unfolded for you.
It’s one thing to read about the truth of Love, another to live this way. My relationships continue to show me every day, just how there is another level for me to go to, another part of my responsibility to take and another chunk of blame to let go as well. For if we are honest Janina, these pictures of ‘the perfect one’ you mention, have deeply polluted and harmed our lives. Whether we like to look at it or not, our quality of experience comes back directly to the choices we make.
‘I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on.’ That’s a great point you raise here Janina, so many people cling to their hurts as a protection and never move on from this feeling which affects all future relationships from experiencing and knowing true love. To let go of old hurts is incredibly freeing and allows us the space to be open to greater and deeper forms of love from others.
I agree, holding on to hurts is actually such a great excuse as to why you can’t move on to live the life you are here to live. You hold back from offering that reflection to another.
Thank you for providing valuable and honest insight to relationships Janina. I can see I often settle for a relationship that ‘looks good’ to others rather than deeply feeling and expressing the love that I naturally am. This happens in my relationships with my partner, my friends, my family, everyone.
A relationship that just ‘functions’ is not really a relationship at all. Thank you for reminding me how beautiful it is to truly open up to another.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” I like Janina how you made much attention to it’s a choice. Fortunately it is, it always is. So, all outcomes are respondent to our choices. It took alot of responsibility to come to this myself – I still am. Understanding life is about evolution and there is always a level of tension to feel and a deeper place to go to is a joyful adventure when you claim it.
What a beautifully honest blog Janina. I’ve blamed partners for not being how I wanted them to be – asking them to treat me with love when I wasn’t being loving with myself. And if they were loving I couldn’t handle that as it felt so unfamiliar and so uncomfortable as I couldn’t accept the love I was let alone from anyone else. So it’s wonderful to read this and feel how love isn’t about being with someone per se but accepting the love one is and expressing that without holding back. So no more falling into the deceit that one can’t love in full if one is single.
Incredibly honest blog Janina. It’s honesty that opens the doors to love.
Love is a way of moving in life that has no directions and knows no boundaries. We try hard to make it into something else but does not work. The more we try, the more we hit ourselves against the wall and the more reasons we have not to change our movements. It is really silly how we drown in a glass of water.
I feel we are constantly learning with regards to relationships .. in never stops, we never reach a point where there is not more to learn or feel. I was having this discussion with a young person today. Also I feel the greatest relationship is the one we have with ourselves, the more we work on this and are willing to open up to love, be honest about what we are feeling, love and take care of ourselves the more this naturally happens with all of the relationships we are in from school, college, work, family, friends, partners, neighbours, the community ……
‘My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it .’What if the songs and music that is being released these days had this as it’s founding premise, what a different message adolescents and young people, and in fact all of us, would be getting.
Ah Janina, there are so many situation that might seem hard, so many difficulties that may appear to be reason enough to give up, speak out of turn or be angry. But the essential fact you point out is these ways of being are not for us, for we are 100% Love.
We spend so much of our lives observing – and to have a reflection that is true is amazing – by this solid reflection it can inspire us to look at our own choices and decide if we choose more love or not. We all have the opportunity to claim our love back if we so wish.
In our reaction to what we perceive as being hurt, we are in fact cementing that hurt in our bodies.
‘So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?’
Great questions Janina – we have the heart, the love inside, our beautiful purpose … lets bring it out!
It is more self damaging than we realise to hold back our trust and love of people, even though at the time we think we are protecting ourselves from further hurt.
How are we to offer the love we are to another if we have not offered all that love to ourselves and felt it’s worth.
Beautiful Kim and so very true. When we know what true love is we then know how to truly love.
Great sharing Janina! There is no way we can really loose our love for that is what we are made of, but we sometime look outside of ourselves for this love and yet it is within us all the time.
Thank you Janina for expressing how easy it is to re connect to love we all hold within, it all comes back to our choices.
Many people use their past hurts as an excuse not to move forward in life and yet few usually come to the place where they are aware enough to realize what they are doing and consciously move to heal what has come before so to not hinder what is yet to come. I love that in discovering the love you are, you’re honesty and commitment has offered you this lesson to share and embrace the healing it has offered you.
I was hard on partners in past relationships and with my husband who has evolved with me over the last 10 years. When I do not like myself, I often can feel how this is projected on to others. Loving myself truly, deeply and with understanding is a work in progress, but it is real and occurring and so I naturally offer this reflection to others. I know that what I heal now honours those that I have hurt in the past, it has allowed me to let go of guilt and ‘should haves’, in the relationship I am in now and the past. Thanks for sharing so openly, awesome to read.
It is only when we hold ourselves in love that we can hold another in an equal quality and see them for who they truly are.
I can very much relate to what you share here and it brought some new revelations to my ‘false’ non trust in women and people in general. It is the hurts that we ourself put in the way to not live the true potential of who we are. True love comes from a trust within ourselves. Knowing we are all, all already.
When we have a self-destructive perception and picture of ourselves we are constantly looking at the cracks and imperfections and so totally miss the appreciation of our overall beauty.
Often stopping us to feel the love we have for ourselves let along offering the same quality to another.
This is so beautiful Janina. Learning to trust and knowing that we are love and love comes from within us is something to feel and know every day until it is such a natural knowing that we live it always.
I can relate here Janina to feeling how much I am willing to let people in, in my life, and how I place limits on how much I trust people. What I have learned in this is that we give our hurts power to govern us and our behaviours and then we start to not see just how loving and ‘safe’ many of our truest relationships are. We miss out on so much by holding back and living in protection. It is time to let go of these old hurts and begin to reconnect to the love we are, and always have been and live every day from this place, rather than living in fear of having an old hurt repeated again.
Opening our own doorways to trust can be a delicate process… Yet it is an unfolding process that, if we are truly intent on experiencing a consistency of love and joy in our lives, cannot be avoided. We all want this, yes? And humanity, our fellow brothers, deserve this – to be met and held in the real deal of all that love is.
Your blog Janina, celebrates the willingness to go there, to meet and as best we can deal with the hurts that keep us, and by extension, all others, enchained – the harboured hurts would hold others at bay. Thank-you.
Bottom line is – we can’t have a true relationship with another if we first do not have a true relationship with ourselves. Otherwise, what are we bringing to the relationship? Emptiness, emotions and expectations, which all extinguish an otherwise true and lasting flame.
Well said Rachael! For many people it is normal to go into relationships because they are not content on their own and in need of and wanting something from another person, which of cause does not work at all. To heal our hurts and to take responsibility for the way we are with ourselves builds a foundation on which we can go into relationships with others.
I agree Rachael, if we bring ‘who we are not’ to a relationship then this only supports another to continue being who they are not and hence you have the world as it currently is. A mass of people all pretending to be who they are not.
Isn’t it wonderful to realise that we have eternally present access to love within ourselves and that it does not leave us. We may wander from our connection, creating situations based on our hurts – but love remains innate in us waiting with infinite patience for us to choose it once again.
It’s not so much that we need to choose love, it’s more that we have to choose not to do all the things that disrupt our natural connection with the love that we already are.
With the wisdom of hindsight we can reflect on much, the true wisdom then lies in moving forward with a greater and deeper connection to one’s inner wisdom, the eternal guide back home that is always within us.
It’s quite an illusion that needs to be cracked that experiencing love is conditional on outer factors. It’s always right there within us, the hurts we experience don’t in fact have the power we give them, nor does the fact we are or are not loved by others. It’s always about the grand love that lives inside us – and it’s unconditionally waiting to be experienced, lived, and expressed 24/7.
Very true Melinda. I had to nominate today that i believed all may life to be alone and this also an illusion. Keeping myself away from other people and the connection i can have with God. We are not alone and never were as we are energetically all connected.
It is an illusion that we lose love, it is not possible, it is always there, as you say. We just choose not to feel it, we choose not to surrender to it. And yet when we do it is like the sun has come out from behind the clouds and it is us who have come out of the shadows.
Blaming our partner (or anyone else) for our woes and struggles is deadly to being in a truly loving relationship. Expectation, blame, judgement and criticism are the bedfellows of an existence not of a joyful life.
Janina, reading your blog was like reading about my own life. We lock our love up and think someone else has hidden the key. I remember a wise women bringing to my attention that I was the one with the key and how empowering it felt to remember this.
“I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to” this is so true it is our choice to connect to the love we are or to disconnect.
‘ What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. ‘. Despite the fact that most of the songs I can remember talk of being lost without the one we love I know this is not true and just a way to have us believe that we are dependent on someone else to give us what we already have but are conveniently choosing to ignore .
Yes exactly Joe, without loving ourselves first, we can’t extend that to another. When we do (and I have plenty of times in the past) it is with all sorts of conditions around how the other must be, in order to gain our so-called love. In truth this is not love, but favour we are offering… you scratch my back and l’ll scratch yours!
Very wise, nobody else can love you if you don’t love yourself first
We cannot change the past but we can be different in the now in how we relate to our partners, this re-imprints the relationships we are in presently as well as offering healing to our past relationships. What we choose now has an impact on our past and our future.
If you consider the possibility of reincarnation and how many previous lives we have lived, how many experiences we may have shared with partners or family, surely we all deserve the greatest grace and understanding, that what we choose feel and do is representing all of that not just this moment. I love Mary-Louise how you show how through our choices today we can clear the past out of our way.
As I am part of one of ‘those couples in Germany’ who are appreciated by you Janina, I have to say: Thank you! It is great to be appreciated and to see how the way I live and what I choose is inspiring others.
Universal Medicine always offers the opportunity for us to reconnect with ourselves, and thence our inner hearts and then to experience our deepening self worth , from which springs love.
I join you 100% Janina “So thank you to all of you already living it! Thank you especially to the couples I could observe and begin trusting that there is a loving, beautiful way to be with another… we have a couple of them here in Germany!!” We are blessed to have several amazing role models here in Australia.
Janina you wrote: “What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” That insight is gold as every single person on this planet is love and can’t lose it unless they choose to – the only thing is most of them have forget it. Therefore it is time that the ones who are able to remember that they are love don’t hold back to live and share it as you did so beautifully.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it” beautifully summed up Janina, thank you.
“One of my ways in a relationship was to get moody, criticising the other; wanting things to be different and blaming the other person.” I can very much relate to this Janina and yet we have to see that the behaviour isn’t us but a way of “protecting ourselves” which doesn’t at all. The only real “protection” is to be open to ourselves and others and allow everyone in including ourselves.
And it is a way of not taking responsibility in relationships instead focusing on problems and to stay stuck.
Thank you Janina Koch for bringing a practical and honest account of relationships and that there are limits to the ones we have with another when we choose to have limits with ourselves. .
“My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me.” I completely agree with this Janina – no one can provide us with love – it can only come from ourselves and from there it’s then reflected back to us from others.
‘My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me.’ Absolutely true! We are responsible for our love and the amount of love in our lives – and no one else.
Very real and honest blog, about how we can crave for relationship without feeling our inner divine. It is so beautiful how we have been brought to a stop by this article and realize that we have a love to claim back – a love that we are, something we do not have to get – as we have it already.
When we are not being the love that we are it’s easier to create conflict in order to prove to ourselves that love can’t be trusted which is just a game that we play.
‘What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.’ How powerful is this? The fact that we are everything already sure does take the pressure off relationships. And yet feeling and claiming this love and expressing it actually deepens our relationships with one another more than anything else ever could.
Why hold back what is not ours to own – LOVE.
Nothing is lost in the arms of love. We are forever held by these great arms of Love (God) and it is our task here on Earth to learn to not let go of each other in this way, even when we need to say goodbye. Therefore there can be no pain in ‘losing’ another, as none are truly lost when held in love. The pain is felt the moment we disconnect from the love that we always are.
When we let down the thick walls of protection from behind which we hide, there is only love, waiting to shine out. Thankyou Janina for this gorgeously honest sharing of the dismantling of such walls – the ones we build for ‘protection’ but in-truth keep us imprisoned.
Thank you for sharing Janina – it’s a great reminder to bring all the love that we are to our relationships and not hold back.
One of our favourite tricks is always to say “you be love first” and “I won’t express my love until you express yours in full first” – clearly not going to happen if everyone is saying that….. and then along came Serge Benhayon into this world who started expressing his true love in full to all, and thereby inspiring others to let go of their defences and armour and to start to let their love out too. It only takes one to ignite countless others – let us all be that one!
A key sentence in your sharing is: “I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on.” It is indeed a very strange truth that we actually USE our hurts which are usually imagined or invented hurts in the first place to hold ourselves back from expressing the love we already are. First we are naturally love and if we are not expressing and connecting to that energy then we are actually doing something to prevent it.
Lovely blog. It reminded me that we are all responsible for the stereotypes that plague our society. Sure it is up to the individual to see everyone with fresh eyes however everything we display as behaviours that are less than who we are is compounding the suspicion that is abundant in many relationships.
The things we react to and rise up against in our partners and friends, are not actually in the end in them at all, but are the issue we are here to heal. We should rightly re-evaluate and re-understand what relationships mean to see they are here to constantly remind us of our true quality. This is our number one job and who we truly are, so bring on all the revelations and moments that show us the stuff that does not belong. It makes way for the LOVE we are.
What a powerful blog Janina; your wisdom, responsibility and awareness shine brightly; thank you for sharing and for inspiring truely loving relationships, with ourselves and with others.
“And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.” What a beautiful sentence and a stunning blog Janina. You have me pondering my relationship with love itself.
Thank you Chan for sharing something I need to be reminded again today :” It really highlights our deepest sadness is our choice to disconnect from love and by blaming others and staying in our hurts is a way to not move on.”
Wow Janina, I love your blog. It really highlights our deepest sadness is our choice to disconnect from love and by blaming others and staying in our hurts is a way to not move on. We must first reconnect with the love from within ourselves before we can truly love others. It is frustrating and distracting to seek love from outside of us because it is an unachievable thing, there is no search required, we are already love.
It’s quite easy to get caught up in reaction and criticising in relationships when our focus is away from love being inside ourselves. Once need enters there is always going to be disappointment because no one can deliver the grandness of love that lives inside ourselves.
Yes Mary, and are we ready to nominate everything that stands in the way to live and be love and no longer accept less.
“So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience” This caught my attention. Are we waiting for someone to deliver us love on a plate or do we choose to feel the love that we already are and live our everyday with the love that we are? And when me make this choice we feel this equal love within others. The more love we are the more love there is in the world – true responsibility.
It is interesting that you thought you starting dating for long term partners at the age of 21. This to me actually seems early and I feel it is an expectation we place on ourselves from society that makes us think we have to get a partner in our early twenties. I have noticed this patten in many people and all it is about is simply taking our own time with it
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” This is beautiful Janina.
Beautiful part you’ve highlighted Sue. This is an amazing realisation for me too. I spent years searching for love outside of myself thinking it is just around the corner. Now, this search is over as I too learn to re-connect to love from within, to share and live expressing love more consistently.
And who would have imagined that the pathway to love starts in one’s own heart, and with one’s connection with oneself.
Is it not crazy that we spend our life talking about how horrible and painful some things are, yet what we run away from most is Love itself? We make up stories and rationales all to stop us from going for there. We have reasons and beliefs that tell us life cannot work in a loving way. But the truth is, as you show Janina is that Love is right here, just waiting for us to return to its way and no longer be distracted and disturbed by past hurts.
Yes Joseph “Love is right here, just waiting for us to return to its way” more than ever before it asked us to return. But many have resisted and fight against it for many life times so it needs a steady commitment to choose love and to let go of an image that life and relationships need to be a struggle and hard.
Good great love Janina, what an important and truly honest sharing, I love it. What you shared touched me as it is real and I can recognize much of what you shared. This struck me: “I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on.” This is one I can see and have been using Big time in my life – but actually when I saw these letters on here, I realized that if I do not bring my hurts with me all the time, but choose connection and letting go of them instead – I am much more richer and truer off. So I am going to go for that. Thank you Janina. Great explanation and experience.
When we start taking responsibility we are able to let go of our hurts and meet people without reacting to their hurts. This is amazing once we realize we have the choice and do not have to play the game of behaving in ways people want us to respond so they can confirm the way they have chosen to live. But offer a different reflection of meeting them with love.
Yes Janina, this is super important.
Thank you for sharing Janina, I am also inspired by many relationships I see at Universal Medicine events. I recently was supported in a Esoteric relationship session to see how I was bringing my hurts to my partner and wanting him to fix them…. it has been life-changing to say the least and an opportunity to see that how I was behaving was not how I really am.
That is amazing what you share Aimee and it is great when we take responsibility for our own issues and hurts so we can simply meet our partner/husband without an imposition of what we want or need.
True Janina, that there is not any place, time or person at which or with whom we cannot express the fullness of love within us. This is the key to then being able to be in a truly loving relationship and at the same time, if one does find oneself in a relationship at this point, then great to practice with that one person, for expanding that living expression further out in all areas of one’s life. I cannot see how either of these circumstances are supported by searching for someone to be with, and it is great to let this go.
Especially when we realize that the quality we live this life will be determining the quality we live in our next life. And that we shouldn’t wait to live love in all areas until it is too late for this life…
Yes Meg we constantly need to remind ourselves to bring love in all areas of our lives and say no to comfort!
Why are we waiting to claim back our love and live it everyday? I love it! It makes no sense, yet we are. It’s definitely time to stop holding back and claim this live inside us in full.
“It’s definitely time to stop holding back and claim this love inside us in full.” Something we need to remind ourselves again and again Meg, until we make all areas of our live about love.
I agree, you can never have too many reminders about making every area of our lives about love first and foremost.
The honesty that is being expressed about relationships is beautiful, it really does show another way and bring trust and true love back
Being honest with myself is something I work with everyday as I noticed the varying levels and this allows a deeper understanding to emerge and as a result more honesty.
Beautiful said Benkt.
I can feel how a relationship from the love we are within is so absolute and confirming, that it only can be a beautiful experience.
A lovely expression of how it takes us to be able to love ourselves first before we can truly and wholly offer and be an unneedy love for another.
Loving couples are so inspiring! And so are people that openly share their love with no need of it to return, it’s the true way to express love.
Yes Harry i agree. After watching yesterday the concert i was so deeply touched seeing Simon and Rebecca together on stage. Pure Love, Joy and Oneness. But really they expressed that with everyone on stage and the audience.
‘I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; ‘ … so powerful are these words. I have recently observed in myself where I still go into an emotional reaction and an old dynamic came into play. It is so good to have the foundation of knowing who I am to come back to and then heal the hurt that allowed the reaction to occur in the first place.
No more waiting on the sideline for someone or something to bring love home to us. We already have the key to unlock that reservoir of love – just waiting to be claimed and lived.
I agree Marion and no longer to accept issues to stand in the way to live the love we are.
This is my greatest reminder..”My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.”
And it’s a whole lot of fun to share and express the love we naturally are!
I feel I have done this also…”Instead, I saw I was often reacting, for whatever reason; and often with anger and frustration towards my partners – including the beautiful partner with whom I live today. As I have been keeping myself in this state of emotion, I have not been able to see how he is absolutely gorgeous and pure love, and choose instead to keep him away from me.” To react or blame or judge harshly is already a sign that I need to look at my own stuff first and clock the gift of the reflection they are offering me.
I agree Irena, i just nominated it yesterday again for myself reaction=no love. There is no love in reacting. If i react i want people to change as you say in truth i need to look at myself and what is going on.
Yes I agree Irena, when I’m telling someone what to do, eventually I stop and put my hand in front of my face like a mirror and say it to myself… it’s usually where it starts!
Thank you Janina for such a simple and beautiful sharing. The joy and power we feel when we claim our love back and then express this to the world is not only a gorgeous reminder but also supports and inspires others to choose and express love.
Thank you Sarah, this is something I need to deeply honor and appreciate as I had fully given up on life and love and everything which makes it worth living.
Now continuously growing to open myself to love in the way I meet people and live in relationships. Learning that the key to relationships is communication to say what we feel not to override or accept things which don’t feel supportive or true. And to take responsibility and not just tolerate or let things go.
Understanding that we have to bring ourselves into our marriage and relationships, having a clear commitment for another and giving another a constant loving reflection, support and at times shake if we get stuck. To start bringing the joy and playfulness into our relationship and a deep unwavering appreciation for another.
A profound and deeply healing sharing Janina. Trusting life and love again being key to let go of hurts and opening up again to let our Love be, is wonderful. Thank you for your ongoing unfolding and inspiration.
“So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?” I love this Janina, what are we waiting for ….I used to be waiting for someone to show me love first but I have learnt that is not how life works, it is for me to be love in everything I do and with everyone I meet, and then love is naturally reflected back to me.
“So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back and to make it a daily living experience whatever we are and do, no matter if we are with our partner… or at work or college?” Yesterday after returning from work feeling within me the love that i am and have shared more than ever with my colleagues and patients in the clinic, I came home confirming and appreciating myself and the beauty and love i bring to the world.
I love re-reading this blog again. It makes me appreciate the love I have reconnected to within myself and the love i see in others around me. I have been aware of the games i have played in specifically choosing partners who would not see me so i could continue to play less and not take responsibility in being the woman I am. And of course the projecting/blaming that takes place in these types of relationships comes from one’s own internal tension at not being in our fullness. ‘I could also get to feel the deep, hidden sadness I had of not being love, and how I have never been able to share this love on a deeper level with a partner.’ This line you share is so key in confirming the great depth of love we are and have to share with others. Thank you Janina
Best love story I have read in years ❤
Yes Sarah and so heartening when we read …”That’s how my life felt – like a giving up. I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.” The Self-Love story!
We are all here to reflect to one another the true and deep love that we all are. The more steady and consistent we can reflect our love, the more the other and all others will eventually see their own. When we feel we are not steady, look around and there are always someone there reflecting their steady love back for us to again remember our own equal steadiness. That is why we have each other.
Beautiful said Adele. What understood is that we all have time where we don’t feel steady and need a reflection of love from another person. And it is great to remember that and not “react” or want somebody to be different.
That’s a big one 🙂 and it feels so true to me. Thank You Janina and Adele – this is an amazing blog, so open, so honest, so true – and yes so much love. Thank You Janina I can relate to many things in your blog. It’s lovely to read it – have it expressed – I just start to re-connect to my clarity and be able to understand more what is going on within me, around me, what do I feel, perceive, be aware of. For sure I know that through all these amazing connections of people that I got to know through Universal Medicine – I surrender more and more and coming back to the love that I am and this amazing woman that I am. Thank You for sharing. With love Nadine
Beautiful Nadine to read the process you go through of appreciating the woman that you are and the beauty that you bring.
So many of us avoid being open to love due to being burnt in the past. I took years to open back up to be able to love after a serious heart break in my twenties. I may not be totally there yet but through Universal Medicine I am far closer to feeling what Love truly is.
‘I could also get to feel the deep, hidden sadness I had of not being love, and how I have never been able to share this love on a deeper level with a partner.’ How important is it to really feel this so that we can make a choice to bring the love that we are into every single relationship we have in our lives.
Today is the perfect day to claim my love back. And how great is God’s grace to grant us this day again and again and again until each and every last one of us surrenders.
Beautiful Felix and so very true. 🙂
What we learn from childhood on is to constantly look to the outside for reference points and to check if we live up to the ideals that dominate our modern society. We often are so busy checking what is going on outside, that we do not even consider the most simple step: to honestly observe ourselves. When doing that we often will realise that yes, there are things and patterns to heal, but in the essence we are all perfectly fine and have simply forgotten to connect that.
There is so much love within us and it’s all there waiting to be explored and to delight in. It’s such a light, beautiful feeling that goes out and beyond our physical bodies which tells me that the rays of light are just flowing in and through me for all to enjoy and share. Thanks Janina for reminding me of not just who I am but also that there are greater depths to what I am now able to feel.
Thanks Janina, your blog had many great aspects for me to consider regarding self love. It is crazy that we stray so far away from love when we are all craving it, yet the road back is not a straight forward as one would think it would be. It takes some time to delve through the layers and find out the ‘why we have chosen to do this’ part of ourselves. But as I have been doing this I have found each step of the way has given me more freedom and space to allow more of the real me to expand and grow.
Yes Sally, we miss out on everything life is about if we don’t come from love and make love our solid foundation for our relationships.
Janina, thank you for your beautiful sharing, your words “I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” I felt how true those words are, and how much of life we miss out on when we are not coming from love.
The more we love ourselves the more love we can share with others, so simple as doesn’t place that pressure and the waiting game on everyone else to bring us that love. And because we are that love already then really what is the point in waiting? when we are young we are taught that we have to wait and do something for love and it will be brought to us, but that totally goes against the love that we are that knows it doesn’t have to wait to be felt, it’s already there ready to go. Thank you Janina for the reminder that I am love and that this love need not be stood in line for but that we all have a fast track pass to it if we choose to use it!
This is true Leigh. As teenagers we try to find love through relationships with a partner, which is crazy and doesn’t work, which the rate of divorce shows. Understanding that we are full of love nothing but love and reconnecting to it, living and sharing it enriches our lives and the whole world.
I like your final comment, an appreciation of couples who are choosing to build loving relationships, this is a great inspiration for us to see another way and learn from this.
I agree Kristy, this has also been very supportive for me to trust again the love i know yet was not reflected back to me as a child.
I agree Kristy and Marcia. It is so needed to see couples sharing true love with another. As we have all missed true love in our live it is so very healing to experience it and to bring it in our own relationships. When i see couples within the Student Body of Universal Medicine who are very loving with one another i can’t take my eyes of them, so beautiful to see.
Same Marcia, true relationships that I see now were not around when I was growing up, but neither was love for myself. So I now appreciate that one, I can see them, and two, that I have a more solid relationship with myself.
‘But really, as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself – but I had such a self-destructive picture of myself that I couldn’t’. The unrealistic pictures and images that we create and project out into the world in the way of expectations from our ideals and beliefs leave us wide open to the hurt of these same pictures being smashed. This leaves us wasting even more time and effort trying to piece together a picture of something that is untrue and unrealistic in the first place. Its crazy.
I realised that I had so many pictures, which really leaves me open to being disappointed and hurt – its great to nominate them just as smashed ideals and pictures when they come up and that they were not necessarily true or realistic.
‘I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on’. Holding onto hurts not only holds your life and its potential to ransom but it also holds you back feeling what we all truly aspire for, the evolution of true love in our connection with all others.
“I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to.” – a pretty important line there, Janina! One wonders why anyone would choose to lose our love, but we do…
This blog says a lot about how many people are in relationships. It’s about loving yourself first and then we open to let love in. We are to be love to know love. A beautiful blog thank you Janina
When we recognise our value thats when relationship can blossom.
This is so true Luke….And nurturing and appreciating both that value and our relationships allows that blossoming to go to full bloom.
Yes there is an abundance of qualities that can support a relationship/s. However they are all describing all the same thing.
This sentence struck me Janina, ‘But really, as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person.’ This for me is key! I can feel how I can have expectations to be loved but do I offer my love freely, without expecting anything. The answer is no and I am learning that love ‘just is’ and there is nothing manipulative, demanding or commanding about it. Applying this understanding of love to myself first has to be the first step to sharing it as you have beautifully expressed Janina. Thank you.
Janina, I too have been learning to love my partner after coming to realize how closed I have been for many years. I’ve also had those moments when I’m in disbelief that he is still around as I have had to feel how I have been living, as well as moments of seeing how much love he is and what evolution he offer with his love. After many years of pushing him away to avoid feeling the depth of our love I now choose to say yes to love, and yes to living in a loving relationship. What I have come to see is that I was scared to be all of what I am and because of the push away love.
It great if we can be so honest about how we are in our relationships with our partner and to see that many people deal with similar issues and to start sharing so honestly like we do here Kim, thank you.
Janina I’m learning that love resides inside of me and that I can share it with all around me without having to wait for it to come to me. My life until a few years ago was one of withdrawal and giving up but feeling the simple yet very profound truth that I am love has rekindled my zest for life.
What a beautiful transformation Patricia, thank you for sharing.
Today in a session i could nominate that i still hold on to past hurts even their weren’t real anymore to have an excuse not to be the powerful women that i truly am and to live on that level with my amazing and powerful partner. We are great in inventing excuses to avoid evolution and need to become honest how we are really living and what is supporting us.
We certainly are Janina, I am guilty of such deceit with myself.
Well said Janina – how many people would be afraid of their own POWER and AMAZINGNESS?
It’s true Donna, we will do whatever we can to avoid the ultimate responsibility of being our truly powerful selves..how crazy it is! We give up on ourselves as Janina points out here..”That’s how my life felt – like a giving up. I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.” And ultimately be a true powerhouse in the world.
There are so many layers in holding on to hurts (which we create ourselves in the first place, by having ideals and expectations that not come true) and in not trusting the other. For me opening up to men and trusting them and surrendering has been work in progress. I realized I trusted women more than men and with this awareness I am letting go of my protection layers and opening up for all men.
‘What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.’
Wow a great blog Janina. I can see how easily we can push love aside if we feel hurt or untrusting but then what? Being responsible for our own love and than sharing it with the world is step one to truly healing. Thank you. 🙂
The same lines stood out for me:
“I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.”
Powerfull awareness of what we are responsible for: connecting back to being love and sharing it with the world.
For many people to even contemplate that love is an accessible available connection that can be made would seem like a pipe-dream, and yet it is in our very core that love exists, we are hardwired for love, and this is the gem that Universal Medicine consistently presents.
That we are hardwired and made of love is certainly not what is reflected in the world by and large, indicating as you say Chris, that it is a pipe dream for most. The Universal Medicine for this world pandemic is a returning to the truth that love is waiting inside us to be rekindled.
I have used my past hurts as an excuse to not be the love that I am. Hanging onto my past hurts built up a lot of resentment and complication in all my relationships. I never appreciated what an absolute joy I am to have around all the time and the hurts and the stories just became an excuse hold back the all encompassing love we all come from.
I agree Suzanne our hurts and protection can dominate us to the extend that we don’t know any longer who we really are.
The beauty each of us have within never gets lost. We just have to understand that we are not our hurts but love and start living in a way which is allowing that love to express in everything we do.
Yes Suzanne I have done this also and I feel that it is quite common in general. Using our past hurts as an excuse is a form of imprisonment.
And of not taking full responsibility for ourselves.
‘That’s how my life felt – like a giving up. I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.’ When we let go of our past hurts nothing is in the way for us to live the preciousness that we are and to inspire others to live there lives in the knowing of who we truly are, we all are aware of if we choose so. Every time I choose the hurt I know I can come back to me without feeling guilty of ashamed, take responsibility for it yes and again choose my essence to live from and build a foundation of this precious love that I am.
I enjoyed re-reading this blog such a lovely reminder to keep opening up to going deeper in our relationship with ourselves and others.
Beautiful reminder jennym to take the invitation we have daily to deepen love with ourselves and others.
Thank you Annemarie.
‘What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it’ such a beautifully supportive and timely sentence for me to read today. It was a joy to re-visit your blog today.
That is beautiful, our love is not dependent on another. It us about connecting to the love within and expressing it to others.
Hanging on to past hurts is a great excuse to not let go and surrender to the love that already abounds. There is no where to move on or leave behind, every choice I have made is with me up until this point. I can’t change that but I can now make more discerning choices when I walk with the profound nature of God and the Universe. They are within me and not something to be sought from anywhere else … It’s simply a choice to connect, knowing the strength in brotherhood and in me.
I can see how we use our past hurts as an excuse not to move on because we’ll do anything to avoid a repeat of the pain. Instead we become hardened and withdrawn, unable to melt. But as you say, it’s all simply a matter of choice. ‘I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.’ Such wisdom. Thanks, Janina.
A great reminder that I am love – this is my true essence. I can focus on hurts and not move on or I can claim back my love and make it a daily experience with myself and others. “My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” Thank you Janina
There is such power in this message of bringing the focus back to healing our hurts and connecting to our essence as love.
I agree Jenny and to do this the key is here in Janina’s words…” as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself – but I had such a self-destructive picture of myself that I couldn’t.”
Such a great reminder to me Annie, is your statement that my love is not dependant on anyone else. We don’t need anyone out there to bring the love to us!! It’s all there inside us waiting to be shared out.
It’s very difficult for a relationship to work if we’re asking another to love us more than we’re prepared to love ourselves. Attacking another is a way to sabotage the relationship and use it as a form of self abuse to confirm our deep lack of self worth when the relationship breaks down and our partner leaves or we instead leave them – rejecting them before they reject us.
So true Deborahmckay… yet so common. We actually ask others to love us and then they want us to love them but no one is loving themselves. Feeling low and seeking another persons love to fill us up? We are never going to feel satisfied.
Being self loving is key to developing all relationships.
Seeking is what is often the common element that I know I have used in the past with relationships. Seeking ‘the one”, “perfection” “way to live” and the list goes on…
How spot on your description is Deborah. This has been true for me..”One of my ways in a relationship was to get moody, criticising the other; wanting things to be different and blaming the other person.” This is one area I know I can excel in! We need to keep a constant vigil over this one. When we can read the person and situation, how different this can become? We are able to stop the tirade, take a step back and see the situation from a truer vantage point and truly feel the sabotage we have set in motion.
‘I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to’. I love this line, very powerful and true. Beautiful blog.
Its funny because even in not choosing our own immense love, we don’t lose it (not really). It sits there dormant as we express something other than who we are. That light no matter how much we reduce ourselves remains until the day we cannot go any further and then begin to return to who we truly are. I love how God has set this up – so we could never truly be lost forever…
It is incredible how we can never lose the light that we are, only ever choose not to be it. It shows the set up we choose to play ball with.
Awesome point Donna.
I agree Donna, we can wander here there and everywhere. We can do all manner of unspeakable things, we can be missing in action for eons but at the end of the day none of these things change anything, in fact nothing at all. We are all still The Love of God and always will be.
I agree that is a great line. We so often blame others if we don’t feel ourselves, or if we loose the love we feel, especially if it’s for another person. But what about self responsibility? How we are and the quality we choose to live in is always our choice and no one can take that away from us.
Meg you brought up the key word in how we choose to live and that is self-responsibility. If we all step up and take responsibility we would feel how it truly is us who choose the outcome to our lives.
Absolutely – what we have and what happens in our lives, down to the finest details is down to us and our choices, and ultimately our self responsibility.
Exactly Meg, no one can take the truth of who we all are away from any of us. We can however independently choose to jump ship and that is something that each of us needs to take responsibility for.
We cannot lose it, we just suppress within. But it’s there to be connected to in any moment. It is our choice to connect or not.
Absolutely Amita, and that is the ultimate power we have in every move. The power to reconnect to what is always waiting within.
When I didn’t have a partner I used to feel sad or frustrated that I had no-one to share my love with. It was as if I were holding all this love and it had nowhere to go. Now I can see that I was not allowing that lovely true expression. I was not loving myself first, not allowing myself to honour my own feelings or to be gentle or tender with myself, not allowing myself true compassion or allowing my hurts to heal completely. I have begun to make these choices now and feel that I am on the way back to a love that is true.
Wise words Oliver Hallock “Hurts must be healed for true relationship to blossom.”
In reading this blog, strong memories of having felt hurt as a little boy came up. The sort of deep hurt that I responded to by shutting down a part of me completely: like throwing the baby out with the bath water by saying inside, ‘well if you hurt me like that, I’m not ever going to show that side of me again to anyone, so I can’t be hurt like that again’. Hurts must be healed for true relationship to blossom.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it”. – Daily I am discovering new ways to express and refine my expression of myself.
Dear Janina,
It was very timely for me to read the part in your blog that said, ‘What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.’
It was healing to hear you say your love is not dependant on another and that the real healing is to connect to your own love and to share it and express it.
Thank you.
‘I could also get to feel the deep, hidden sadness I had of not being love ..’ This is my experience at the moment. Such an exquisitely expressed sharing Janina; your honesty has exposed so much for you, allowing you to drop the reactions and simply be the love you are.
Janina I so love what you have shared here so honestly as I can relate to holding back my love and not trusting men. This had been an ongoing process in me in letting love be my way in the face of behaviours fueled by hurts that don’t feel so loving. Thank you!
Thank you Janina for sharing so openly and honest about your experiences, it is truly inspirational. You know what, for me with relationships there is so much to learn. I can see how I have been living in an illusion and that it really starts with how I am with myself. I have wanted too much from partners and have been very needy and this is absolutely not the way to be in a relationship. It all starts with me and how I am with myself.
Just recently I understood that to love someone has nothing to do with being kind or gentle or affectionate. This is the bastardized version of love that I learned long ago. The true version that I discovered is, that love starts with being honest and showing the world all of me openly. Even if that is something that I would want to hide from everybody, like thoughts that I have or attitudes. With this comes the ability to support myself and my partner in areas, that we have to work on. The end of sympathy, a whole new world of true compassion.
“…love starts with being honest and showing the world all of me openly.” A very beautiful reminder felixshumacher8 as I often mistake love with kindness, gentleness or affection…
I agree felixschumacher8. The more we express in relationships and stop holding back the more we allow naturally to express the love we are and the love we feel for the other person.
I love what you say Janina, that love starts with you, that no one can bring you love, but that it is beautiful to share and express.
I want to thank Kylie and Rick Connors i lived with them for 10 day in the Unimed House in Australia and for me they were an inspiration to have around, as a couple living and sharing their love.
Thank you Janina for sharing this great honesty , all our relationships offer us a reflection of what we are choosing , when we choose to make it about love it will be without doubt reflected back whether we are choosing love or not.
So true Paul; we’re reflected what’s the case, even if it takes a little while for us to notice it.
When we do meet true love it is something we can never fully embrace if we are not loving ourselves or others in the same way. For naturally true love is a deep connection the pulls us up to be even more love. It is truly gorgeous when we have a relationship like this with someone and it should be what all relationships are like actually.
Beautifully said Joshua. Looking forward to reading a blog from you about your experience in relationships!!
Watch this space 🙂
It’s truly about living this love we know we are and not postponing for another minute. If that’s what we are retuning to let’s live the future now.
Your commitment to being love to live a life of love is deeply, deeply felt and it was very healing to read how you lived in given-up-ness – which I can totally resonate with, and how you are continuing to grow love and appreciation for yourself feels absolutely gorgeous. Thank you, Janina, for sharing your story so openly and honestly. You are an inspiration.
‘I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself – but I had such a self-destructive picture of myself that I couldn’t’. What lovely words to share and inspire others to realise that they are more than their faults and perceived inadequacies and that just like you Janina everyday can commit to loving themselves more and more by claiming their own innate wisdom and love that resides within.
Lovely to read this article today Janina and be inspired to deepen my love for myself and bring that to all my relationships.
“I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on.” This is so true Janina!
I agree Suzanne. It’s what’s killing us really. How amazing when we realise there is another way!
It’s like we react so badly, we don’t even realise we’ve reacted – until one day, we get honest about it, observe and renounce and then heal away the old excuse.
We waste our time looking for someone to love us more than we love ourselves and are then disappointed when this secret desire remains unfulfilled. How enormously empowering it is to know that the key lies with loving ourselves the way we want to be loved. Then it just radiates out. Gorgeous.
It’s taken a while, but I have finally learned that if I am looking for someone to love me, I don’t have to look very far – I simply have to stop and look within. I have also discovered that loving myself is the first step to truly loving others, and living from the fullness of this love for me, I do not need to seek love from another, but as you say Janina; “But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” Thank you for your beautiful blog.
Janina I love the dedication and commitment that you have shared in developing and living love within your relationship. I love how honest and responsible you are the part that you play. Inspiring and very supportive to read. Your level of honesty has inspired me.
It is a blessing to recognise that we are love, and then be able to share and express it, absolutely.
Janina, you express with such openness and honesty. It’s funny how our searching for something always brings us back to the same place- to our innermost! It does not matter who we are living with, true connection can only occur if we are connected to our innermost and then we can be love with another.
Thank you for sharing so honestly Janina, What I find interesting is that is doesn’t matter how many years you date someone for, it’s about choosing love and being love with your partner. Without it what are we doing through all those years?
An honest and open blog Janina. Relationships can be viewed as a ‘pursuit’ that can go terribly wrong when our expectation is that the other will complete us or bring the love we seek rather than first connecting with the love that we are. Thank you for sharing your experience of your search, only to find that when you found ‘You’ and the love that you already are – all else flowed.
I know that way of getting moody, criticising the other; wanting things to be different and blaming the other person too well, and it is a sure way to stop ourselves from seeing our part to play and keeping ourselves in the same patterns in all relationships. It is not possible to change another person, only yourself, so it is essential to be able to take responsibility for our own ways, but in a loving way.
Thank you Janina. It’s really lovely to read how your journey has got you to a point where you realise for yourself all that you offer! Pretty cool.
Your sharing Janina has ignited some reflection on my behalf around the love experienced in relationship. It appears from what is said that if there is no love of self, then no matter how much another tries the emptiness remains and no-one’s a winner. To truly open up to loving self and living that love, then a relationship will thrive. A thought provoking and honest blog.
Thank you Janina for expressing with such honesty, I loved it.
Such a a great blog Janina, thanks for sharing it
Janina, this is an amazing sharing and is showing how we can mess up our lives in relationships which are not functioning due to our expectations on each other. It is so crucial to learn to know oneself first deeply before entering a relationship and I agree it is great to have role models like Serge and Miranda Benhayon and the Benhayon family as a whole.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” Absolutely. And thank you too for your comment about building our relationships on love and respect . It is never too late to do this in families where we have taken each other for granted and not had open and loving relationships.
Thank you Janina for sharing this! It is beautiful to hear that in our case too, Serge Benhayon and the esoteric work are crucial elements in the awakening of your trust and love.
Your dedication is mindblowing, Janina.
This is a powerful ‘eye opening’ blog, with this one part needing to be taught (from one who lives it) to children in primary school “…. within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me.” The behaviours of woes of many teenagers would not be present if we were taught this from a very young age, from one who can show you the tips and tools to mastering what it actually means. There’s already too many blog sites and web sites discussing this, but from empty words, or words that don’t connect with people.
Thank you Janina and Danielle, I agree, what would life be like if this fact that ” love is our choice ” was the first thing we learn at school.
Absolutely Greg, it would be amazing if teachers were teaching this, because to truly teach it they have to be living it, and this would be the inspiration for others to feel what is possible!
Absolutely Danielle, the ripple effect would mean Universities would also align to love. Now that would be amazing.
It is beautiful that you are re-discovering the loving woman that you are while in your relationship – so you and your partner get to blossom lovingly together. It is wonderful when both people in a relationship are committed together to being love, and are evolving away from living from their hurts.
Lovely to read how you are claiming yourself and the love you naturally are.
Janina I can relate to this blog and thank you for sharing it.
‘My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.’
This is key to stepping into, not only claiming my love, but to truly living and sharing it with all everyday.
It is gorgeous that you appreciate those that show us what a true relationship is and can be, they are an inspiration and an honor to behold. Equally importantly is knowing what you have now claimed… that you do not need another to bring the love you want as you can just choose this for yourself and then bless others by sharing and expressing the love you are. Beautiful.
Yes Samantha, since I have been part of the Universal Medicine Student Body I have experienced seeing couples who are being love and living that love together. It is deeply healing for me to see and feel that, and learning to live that myself more and more. And starting to let other people experience that when they meet my partner and me.
It’s passing strange to me that we can treat others close to us so poorly, when we know there is a gorgeous in there as well. And the way we lock ourselves away because of how hurt we are is just crazy, but so common. It’s great to hear that you have emerged Janina…
Yes Simon, many people accept this as normal to treat their family members with disregard, frustration or criticism. But it is not normal and there is another way to live lovingly with myself and equally with others which is built on respect and appreciation.
I can relate very much with what you have shared Janina and how I don’t really trust and surrender to the beauty that is there in all of my relationships. I can see how I have had all these expectations on my partner to be a certain way and that nothing will be right until he does that – rather than truly accepting the beauty that he is and allowing myself to bathe in his beauty and come from there in terms of developing and deepening our relationship. As you say….”So what are we waiting for?”
I so much enjoyed reading your blog Janina, thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it”
A very beautiful lesson on how we are love and choices we have to express from this place of love or not.
Thank you Janina, it is powerful and so healing when we choose to commit to be more of the love that we are and in that we can let go of the shield that we have built around us a way to protect our own hurts and keep people out and not trust them in full. The more love we can live ourselves the more we get to understand how we are all connected and see the same love in others equally regardless of gender.
So true franciscoclara8.
Yes the same in others EQUAllY….regardless of gender.
Yes franciscoclara8, and when we live that love for ourselves, it is something we naturally can express to others, and funnily enough, the whole world changes. People can then open up and become more loving with us, as their trust begins to build. So who is going to take the first step. 🙂
Seeing love equally in all, an enriching and life changing way to live. Regardless of gender or otherwise, there is no distinction between any two souls, there is only love.
Really lovely and confirming Janina, especially the line you shared that love is something we can’t lose unless we choose to. Thank you for reminding me to be the love I am and to appreciate that this is something we can share with others so easily if we choose to live as we are.
Lovely to read your blog Janina. We all need to be love first and love and nurture ourselves before we can offer that to someone else. This has been a great learning for me too! I can understand this and it makes perfect sense Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon.
It is so true Janina, isn’t it, there can be no true love between another if we do not have love for ourselves. The world makes us think that love is something someone gives to you, but when we choose to accept our own Divine love, there is no doubt that true love is something that you just are.
This is so true Julie. The world thinks someone gives us love. It’s so limiting and holds us back from truly living. We sit and wait to be found rather then looking within.
Yes Julie. Its like we begin to emanate the love rather than seek it. 🙂
Gorgeous Janina ‘I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.’ This is a great reminder, thank you.
“But really, as I didn’t love myself, I was not able to share my love with another person. I always knew that the key to life was that I needed to love myself .” So true Janina. How can we truly love another until we love ourselves?
Hi Janina, I thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. This a beautiful and powerful realisation that you have shared – ‘I can feel that part of my sadness is at having lost loved ones in the past, which was so very painful, and that I would choose anything rather than go through that pain again. But this was also a total giving up of everything worth living for.’ When we do not take responsibility for how we are truly feeling, and heal ourselves and let go of our hurts it seems impossible to have a truly loving relationship with ourselves and anyone else. And we miss out on all of the love that we could live and share. I too have learned this. Feeling the joy in your claiming yourself back is very inspiring.
Very inspiring, learning to love yourself again.
Yes Emily, it is important that we become honest about how we live our lives, and to start sharing with another what behaviours are not acceptable, and how we want to live in a way that is beautiful and respectful for everybody.
Super beautiful Janina. Loved reading your blog. ‘I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on’ yea, that rings a bell. Same with the sadness at having lost love ones in the past. I have also realised how unloving I have been in the past and have recently been feeling bad and guilty about it. Your blog has given me another perspective and a different base to look at if from. Thank you for your honesty and openness
It is deeply inspiring to see couples who live and reflect true love. That is they hold a deep love for themselves, then for each other and their love is inclusive of everyone else and when you are around them, you too feel held in their love.
From not loving yourself to loving yourself and loving your partner in full. Paving the way forward through respect, understanding and not beating down the other person.
Lovely sharing
To stand steady in who we are and let people feel this (let people in) is an enormous healing for all involved. I have realised that in doing this, without expectations of myself or others, there is a clear path to God being offered for all equally. And even if this offering is not accepted, it has been felt, and this is huge. When I am not myself, it means I am not shining the light of God, and everyone misses out, including me. To be Me means so much and has such a big impact on everything and everyone. Why do we settle for less?
I loved reading your comment Robyn which did support me yesterday at work. For me it is about deepening the appreciation for my own beauty and the connection with God that I bring and stop finding excuses why I can’t shine or that i am too much. Yesterday on the way driving from work and could feel a clear invitation from heaven to bring all of me to this world and how much we would all benefit if everybody would shine their true light.
Thank you Janina, what you have described here really spoke to me. I can feel the power in just being ourselves “…and how much we would all benefit if everybody would shine their true light.” And it starts with me, and you, and those dedicated to renewing their connection with God.
Yes Robyn, we have started shining our light and people can feel it. To choose and deepen our relationship with God will support us to be more steady bringing all of us.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it”.
To be living in a way where you know that you are love and that it is not about someone else bringing that to you but you allowing yourself to express it in full is absolutely ground breaking. Most of the world is looking for love outside of themselves. I certain was until I attended presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and also learned that love is within me.
Me too Elizabeth – it’s an easy trap we fall into, and we are blessed to have someone to point the way back to a simple and profound love that is already there for us.
I can relate to what you write. I was so shut down with a big wall of protection that men couldn’t even come near me. I had burried /hidden my femaleness, tenderness and love. At one point I realized I myself was suffering most from this. I was so hardened and contracted and felt lonely, I gradually started to open…to me and to men. Looking back to my relationships I can see growth in opening up. That process is still going on, but I can say I am open to me, walls have trumbled down and men including my current boyfriend see, feel and experience so much more of me than years ago. The biggest present is me meeting me again.
Yes, Caroline, we can suffer deeply living protected and guarded away from true love and away from what we truly are.
We know and we accept it, as we choose to protect our hurts above all.
I now experience more deeply my own beauty and I am amazed and can feel how much we can all bring if we give ourselves the permission to simply shine.
Simply shine the love we are ….
Very inspiring blog Janina. Thank you for expressing truth about love, as you say it is a blessing to share and to express it.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful journey back to love inside yourself for everyone to feel. Inspiring.
Janina, a very lovely blog that I can definitely relate to. Thanks to Universal Medicine and the teachings and presentations on relationships and helping us to debunk old ways of being that are so harming and not truly benefitting anyone. Everyone misses out on what we all naturally have to share, and that is our own gorgeous ability to be love.
“That’s how my life felt – like a giving up. I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.”
Thank you Janina for this eye-opener, which has helped me a lot.
This was so lovely to read Janina, you share with such tenderness and honesty and your sweetness and deep care for others can be felt through your writing. The standout line for me today was “I normally chose those who would not be interested in me, as I didn’t really trust men.” . Oh how I relate to this sentence, for most of my life I felt lonely and rejected by men as I was continually attracted to men who were not the slightest bit interested in me. It was such a crafty way to play the victim and reinforce my resentment.
It is very inspiring for me to feel that you have healed this pattern of behaviour. I can feel this process is unfolding for me also and it is so lovely to appreciate the true tenderness of men.
Leonne I was deeply touched by reading your comment, thank you. Since I trust men now I enjoy so much their presence and what qualities their bring “true tenderness” and deep care.
Thank you Janina for your beautiful expression of your experience. It felt to me that in reading your blog one would truly be inspired to once again trust and know that true divine love within has never left us – it is we who have chosen to leave it for one reason or another. I have found it such a blessing that through the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, I can feel the inspiration of this truth is truly felt within me.
Thank you Janina, I particularly love what you share … “My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.”
Indeed, this is so true.
Janina…
What are we waiting for?
I love this blog and can relate to it on many levels. In truth, I know I can only have relationships with others that match the level and depth of the relationship I have with myself.
Letting go of the protection and letting others in is so delightful. Day by day I am unfolding more of me to share with the world.
Kathryn ” In truth, I know I can only have relationships with others that match the level and depth of the relationship I have with myself” this is so important to understand that we actually have to start self loving and self caring to have a beautiful and nurturing relationships. And it doesn’t work to think it is enough when my partner/husband loves me….
Absolutely Amina, it is never enough and until we start to self-care and self-love we are always faced with the feeling(s) of emptiness and lack of fulfilment, even if we are loved from the outside.
Beautiful Janina, thank you for your open and honest sharing, I can really relate to what you have written about your relationship with your partner here, “As I have been keeping myself in this state of emotion, I have not been able to see how he is absolutely gorgeous and pure love, and choose instead to keep him away from me.” Reading this I can feel how I can do this with my partner too, so its great for me to be aware of this.
THANK YOU JANINA… this is exactly what I needed to hear. I reckon it’s great when we share and have conversations (in appropriate circumstances) of what is really going on in our lives as this is part of the gold that builds relationships.
Such a beautiful sharing Janina and so inspiring thank you.
Janina, I know that it is quite a step to face one’s hurts and open up again. You are an amazing woman and I observed you and how you have gotten more confident and self loving. This is inspiring.
Thank you Kerstin, I was touched by what you have written and want to thank you for your appreciation.
The candor of your sharing is deeply inspiring. Thank you Janina
Yes, when you work with Universal Medicine you fairly quickly sort out most of your problems – the second, long step is then to accept how amazing you are. It is great when you have a partner who reminds you of that. Really great.
I was deeply touched by your blog Janina in many different ways. Whilst reading I could feel how I hold back my love by not trusting others and holding on to hurts to keep others away. Your blog has supported me in looking deeper into this. Thank you.
A beautiful sharing and I am too learning to claim my love back and develop my relationship with myself and then be open to all other relationships.
Janina the openness is great to read and a lovely reminder that it’s about building a love of oneself first before one can be love with another, in a constant deepening way.
Thank you for sharing so deeply and honestly Janina. I could really feel that you have claimed so much more of who you truly are now and the joy that that is bringing to you, awesome!!
Thank you for expressing Shelley!
Thank you, Janina, I love what you have shared and yes it is inspiring to observe those who are in and share true loving relationships with a partner 🙂
I agree, and ‘observing those who are in truly loving relationships with a partner’ I notice that the love is extended to me and others (though expressed in a different way).
Hi Janina. I can relate to this paragraph – “Instead, I saw I was often reacting, for whatever reason; and often with anger and frustration towards my partners – including the beautiful partner with whom I live today. As I have been keeping myself in this state of emotion, I have not been able to see how he is absolutely gorgeous and pure love, and choose instead to keep him away from me.” I have also been this way in relationships, but it is time to claim our love back and to let in those we have kept away.
Thank you for sharing Natalie and I agree …”it is time to claim our love back and to let in those we have kept away.”
Thanks Janina, for the very honest account of your relationships. I particularly liked the question that you pose “So what are we waiting for? Are we ready to claim our love back..” Its obvious that you did not give up, and neither should any of us.
“I can feel that part of my sadness is at having lost loved ones in the past, which was so very painful, and that I would choose anything rather than go through that pain again. But this was also a total giving up of everything worth living for.” This is such a poignant statement. I’m sure many can relate to the using of past hurts not to move on. It is very easy to become cagey, hold back until that moment you feel safe and secure, but in doing so we are holding back the awesome love that we are and that we are able to share with everyone.
I agree Jenny, it’s almost like our hurts constantly provide hurdles for us to trip up on which prevents us from truly living our potential.
Janina thank you for your honest and open blog. I too have had to work on my relationship with myself with love first, which has definitely healed a lot of my own separation and self trust issues. This has truly supported our marriage and our relationship is much more open and honest. We continue to grow together deeper in our love and marriage.
Very honest and open blog Janina. So often relationships can look good on the outside, on the surface, but underneath can be lacking in any true intimacy. I know in the past I became very good at looking the part with relationships but still feeling very separate, unfulfilled and lonely. My current relationship with my beautiful gorgeous (patient!) wife of 8 years has allowed me to heal much of this lack of trust in myself and I now know that the more I can accept me and deeply love me, the more and more I am able to love her and everyone else around me.
This is a great sharing Andrew and something that I know many of us can really relate to, a lack of trust in ourselves naturally creates a lack of trust in ourselves and the focus can often create many disharmonious situations and yet the “grace” time as you talk about in really getting to know yourself from inside out is possible for each and everyone of us.
Andrew and Amina your comments are so true. I know my lack of trust in myself has fueled a lack of intimacy in relationships between friends and partners. I can feel I hold back because I don’t trust myself, because I’ve not chosen to connect with myself and actually know myself in full. The more I do connect, know and accept myself the love I have just flows.
I agree Karin, the connection and appreciation for myself is the foundation upon I go in contact with everybody else. If I disconnect then relationships don’t work and it gets complicated. The more I hold myself with love and appreciation the more I can hold others in the same quality no matter where there are at.
I loved your blog Janina, very honest and truly inspiring.
“What I learnt again in this life is that within me, I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.”
This is so true, thank you for expressing this.
Thank you Janina for your honest and moving account. I could really relate to ‘I used my past hurts as an excuse not to move on. And now it is about claiming me back, and knowing that I am love, and being love with others.’ The more I am able to be love with others the more it grows and feeds me back.
Yes Helen – I am finding this to be true too – I can only BE love with myself first and then it blossoms outwards to share with others and their response naturally expands the whole quality.
“The more I am able to be love with others the more it grows and feeds me back”.
This is a deeply inspiring article Janina, Thank you for sharing this.
A very honest and inspiring article Janina. I particularly enjoy where you share “I am love – so I can’t lose it unless I choose to. My love is not dependent on another; I don’t need anybody to bring that love to me. But it’s a blessing to share and to express it.” Thank you.
Yes, I agree Mary. This paragraph is a real claiming of love for self as the basis of true joy in life, which expands out and can be shared with others.
Mary, it was the wisdom in those words that spoke very loudly to me also. How glorious to walk around knowing that we are love, and do not need to receive love from another, but that if we allow it we naturally share that love with all. This says to me that our first commitment must be to building our knowing of that love, our love, the love that we are.
Beautiful expressed thank you Catherine!
So true, I love how it is expressed. “I am love, – so can’t lose it unless I choose to”. It is as simple as that it is our choice and our choice only. Our love is not dependant on another.
It’s a key point – I was just talking about precisely that with someone today. How easy it is to make it all about the outside world and forget to cherish and develop the love that is already inside me. It’s a much simpler and more direct place to look!
Thank you for sharing this.. I can relate to so much that you have shared here. It is a healing just to read and feel what is written here so strongly in my own body.
Beautiful to read and I’m sure this would be very supportive to those struggling within relationships. You give a clear insight into why you’ve made the choices you have and how they have played out. Lovely to feel the difference your honesty has brought to you and those around you.
Thank you Janina, for an open and intimate ‘love story’. Beautiful and inspiring!
A moving relationship account Janina – thank you. I got goose bumps all over my spine whilst reading certain parts.
Wow, that makes me understand a lot! Thank you for your openess, Janina. It has touched things in me which I thought are not in me anymore.
Your searing honesty is so touching. I can relate to a lot of what you say, thank you, Janina.
Beautiful story, beautiful Janina. I love your honesty.
Very inspiring. Thank you Janina.
Thank you Janina!
Tis is a deeply touching article, I thank you Janina for all your openness and honesty, I have reflected on the hurt of losing a loved one and I wonder if part of this is created by us when we have not chosen to be 100% open with them when they were around and it is a sadness of a missed opportunity? I am not sure but it is something I have felt into at times and it feels to be true to me.