by Angela Perin, Brisbane QLD, Australia
Last night I went on a date. Now you may think that’s nothing to write about, because people go on dates all the time. And if I told you it was a date that was celebrating a wedding anniversary, you might think that there’s nothing unusual about that either… in fact, some people might consider it unusual NOT to go out to celebrate an anniversary or any other special event.
My 16 year-old daughter was quite puzzled about the date, and expressed that she thought it was “just a bit weird”. My 14 year-old was quite excited, and my 18 year-old took it in her stride and was supportive.
The date itself was nothing out of the ordinary – simply a meal at a lovely restaurant, followed by a short walk along the Brisbane River.
So why was this unusual, you might ask?
Well, to me and my date it was not uncomfortable or unusual, but when compared to the ‘norm’, it was quite unusual. I separated from my husband of nearly 22 years about five months ago. Yesterday it was our 22nd wedding anniversary, and my date for the evening was with my ex-husband.
There was no expectation with the date. The date wasn’t about getting back together, and it wasn’t about being romantically involved or trying to make our relationship something it’s not. It was simply about establishing a ‘different’ way we could be with each other on our anniversary.
Let me back-track just a little to explain.
A month or two ago, I had a Chakra-puncture session with an Esoteric Practitioner (Michael Benhayon). During the session, I could feel that I held a lot of hurt about the way my relationship (marriage) had been in the past, and that although my ex and I were (and are) still working a business together, that sometimes I found it difficult not to bring the ‘past’ and the way things ‘had been’ (which at times during our marriage was pretty awful) into the new way of communication that we have begun to develop. So I could feel that I still held a lot of hurt in my body, including resentment and blame about the lack of true love and support we had allowed in the relationship during the time we had been together.
When Michael asked how our anniversaries etc. had been, I felt a deep sadness and hurt, as the only memories I had of these occasions were that I would rather forget them: many times, our anniversary had been marked by a fight, angry words or plans that simply did not eventuate (or that we sabotaged because there was little or no communication and/or connection).
So I had found over the years that it was easier to forget them (or hope the day would pass quickly), because that was easier than coping with the hurt, disappointment and unfulfilled expectations that the day would bring with it. Of course, this was not the case with every anniversary because that wouldn’t be a good average over 20+ years! There were several occasions I recall that were not unpleasant (though I must add that most of these ‘occasions’ involved alcohol), but this was definitely not the overall feeling of our relationship, or of celebrating the occasion.
Michael offered as a possibility that we really had three relationships going on – the way the relationship ‘had been’ during our marriage (complete with all the hurts, resentment, etc.); the relationship we were ‘now’ developing together since separating (i.e. a different way of being in the relationship and with each other); and the relationship with ‘ourselves’ as individuals. This made absolute sense to me.
When Michael suggested the possibility of approaching our current relationship as something ‘new’, and that there was an opportunity to re-imprint the relationship in a loving way, I initially defended against this because I thought I was already doing it. However, (after my reaction!) I realised I was still focussing on the way the relationship ‘had been’ in the past – that I was holding on to the old hurts and therefore being less of who I truly am… not being or bringing ‘all’ of me into the relationship we are now developing.
It was not about burying the past (because the hurt is still there to feel in order to truly heal), but about not living from the past, or bringing the past into the present. In being honest, I realised there was still a part of me that didn’t want to let go of the past, and what this was doing to my body was making me feel tired. It was also contributing to the drama and complication in my life.
When Michael suggested the possibility there might be an opportunity to re-imprint our anniversary by going out on a date, my first reaction was ‘no way!’ (at that point, I still wanted to keep holding on to the hurt…!). However, this gradually gave way to hesitation and consideration of the possibility…
Over the next few days, I reflected a little more and decided it would be a lovely idea. I asked my ex, and he embraced the idea.
Our date was not extraordinary in the sense of it being a ‘date’. In fact, it was probably a fairly ordinary date by general standards. However, it was ‘extra-ordinary’ in the sense that it was definitely different from the norm! It was a lovely date. We didn’t need alcohol to escape or ‘get through’ the date, and were simply able to enjoy and accept each other for who we are. My ex and I had the opportunity to re-imprint another part of our relationship in a more loving way, and to heal some of the hurts we have both held for a long, long time – in a way that was respectful, honest and supportive for us as individuals, and for us in the ‘new’ relationship we are now developing.
I am deeply grateful for the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have shown me there is a ‘different’ way to be – a way of living and being in relationships that is about true love. Love that begins with self first, which then allows true love and connection with another.
I know, without question, that without this different way of being there would have been no way my ex and I would have gone on our date last night. Nor would we have had the beautiful opportunity to re-imprint our relationship in the loving way that we did!