by Joel L (Australia)
In the last article – The Six Stages of ‘Becoming Me’ (so far anyway): Part 1 – I was exploring the first three stages of the process of ‘becoming me’. This next article explores stages four to six and flows on from that…
4) Realising that my intention affected everything:
So things were changing – I was taking more responsibility for my life. My energy levels were picking up, I was needing less sleep but becoming more productive, the quality of my relationships was improving. So I must have been about ‘there’, right? Wrong….
While most other modalities I have gone to in the past offered to ‘help me’, the esoteric modalities got to a point where their benefits were limited by my own willingness or unwillingness to be responsible for my own healing.
I still went to different practitioners, but the benefits I received from each treatment were in direct relationship with what I was going to the practitioner for in the first place. For example: if I was going to have my life choices ‘cleaned up’, the treatment was less effective, but if I was going to ‘build a body of love’, then each session would be as amazing as I allowed it to be.
So I realised that my intention affected my level of healing (and everything else)… If I wanted someone to fix me, I got momentary relief: if I wanted to more fully connect to myself, to learn to live as me, then I got just that.
5) Realising that no workshop, book or other person makes my choices:
This was a confronting phase: I spent lots of time here being frustrated at how hard the world was making it for me to be me… yes, I was blaming others!
Surely if I was doing all this work, building all this awareness, it should be getting easier… Yes, I was wanting a reward, and to a degree wanting an excuse to give up.
In truth, life was getting easier, but I was more committed to finding something to fix – and to believing that I was not the one able to fix it.
Whenever I connected to me, the message was ‘you are enough’, but despite that, I would keep looking for the noise outside that place of connection.
I was convinced that everyone who was saying ‘it’s inside you’, was wrong. I was convinced that if I could get my wife, my kids, and the world around me to be more loving, I could then be love.
Eventually I had nowhere else to turn but to the humble reality that it did all come back to me…
6) Becoming a student of myself:
One day I stopped fighting, stopped looking outside myself. I wish I could say this occurred by a parting of the clouds and a bright light, but it didn’t.
This change came about by a willingness to take responsibility for the frustration, the desire to give up and any other emotion. Eventually, by taking responsibility for what I was feeling, there was not as much emotion in the way and what was left was… me.
The learning about taking energetic responsibility continues: it’s not something I expect to get right all the time but I live with me, the real me, more than at any other time in my life. There are still choices to be made every day – like what to eat, work to be done, kids to be looked after, and chores to be completed. I beat myself up less for my choices (past and present) and I feel more vitality than ever before, but I know I am far from the end.
In most stories this is the moment of epiphany…. but not in this case. The epiphany occurred back at stage two with Universal Medicine’s invitation to consider that while some people might be energetically aware, we are not all energetically discerning.
Love is not looking for a happy ending, it just wants me to be me (the real me)… more and more every day.
If this is what love might be, I can’t wait for the next step.
Part 1: The Six Stages of ‘Becoming Me’ (so far anyway): Part 1
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Elizabeth I totally agree with you to become a student of ourselves is the best medicine or present we can give to ourselves. The Ageless Wisdom teachings gives everyone the opportunity to look deep within themselves and discover this other part of ourselves which has remained hidden under the falseness of life we think is life but actually bears no resemblance to who we are in truth.
This resonated with me Joel,
“I was convinced that everyone who was saying ‘it’s inside you’, was wrong. I was convinced that if I could get my wife, my kids, and the world around me to be more loving, I could then be love. ”
I also felt that if everyone around me was more loving it would be far easier for me to love. But that is not how this life is set up. Even before we enter this realm of life we have agreed how our life will be and it has no basis of love to it. We are all set up from the beginning to look outside of ourselves for love and confirmation of that love, rather than rely on our own sense of who we are and what we are here to bring. I thank the stars in heaven that I came across Serge Benhayon and the Ageless wisdom teachings because these teachings have supported me and thousands of other people to reconnect to the love that is naturally within us rather than looking outside of ourselves and expecting others to be the love we want for ourselves. It just doesn’t work that way as evidenced by the society we live in today.
This statement bought an awareness and a confirmation of what I need to stop doing, ‘looking outside myself’. Something I continue to do to from time to time, thinking that the ‘outside of myself’ will have the answer and if anything it is the complete opposite.
It is the willingness to take full responsibility and it is only when we accept this, that makes the difference to the quality of lives we live. Life will be seen from a different perspective, it then becomes the playground or merry go round and you become the observer of life.
Shushila, It all boils down to the fact that we think we think, we do not fully grasp that we are given the thoughts to think by an alignment to either one of two energies Soul or astral and that if we then use our astral ‘thoughts’ to get out out of a situation we are just compounding the problem. If we use the thoughts given to us by the soul-full energy it’s an entirely different process. Because we do not use our minds but use our bodies which carry far more intelligence than our minds can ever know.
Step by step, march by march making our way back to where we came from. It is not a forwards path at all, much to our surprise, but a path of return. Thank you Elizabeth for this beautiful reminder and confirmation.
Joel you have made another comment that deserves a stop moment, and this is where you talk about how we might be energetically aware but it does not mean that we are energetically discerning. We feel so much all of the time, but a willingness to go deeper and understanding this is key.
It’s only when we allow to feel more, that our awareness becomes more aware and in that we have two choices, to be more discerning or remain in the ignorance of it all.
We are the only ones who make our choices – we may not be able to “choose” what happens to us in life (though on some level we do with the natural laws of actions and consequences), but we certainly do have a choice over how we react or respond to a certain situation.
Joel, this is super powerful and shows us that what we put in or invest in is what we then get returns on: “So I realised that my intention affected my level of healing (and everything else)… If I wanted someone to fix me, I got momentary relief: if I wanted to more fully connect to myself, to learn to live as me, then I got just that.”
This is so true, ‘Love is not looking for a happy ending, it just wants me to be me (the real me)… more and more every day.’
Our intention with everything is super important, ‘ I realised that my intention affected my level of healing (and everything else)… If I wanted someone to fix me, I got momentary relief: if I wanted to more fully connect to myself, to learn to live as me, then I got just that.’
I agree with you Lorraine, at first I had no intention to do anything. I was blinded by the ideals, beliefs, pictures I had been given of who I was and furthermore by the expectations that I had allowed to be placed on me by family, friends and work colleagues. When we come to the realisation that all that ‘crap’ is not who we are then there is an opportunity to get to know our true selves. Having got to this stage my intention is to discover me, the modality that is supporting me currently is the Esoteric Breast Massage this modality supports me to actually deepen my relationship with myself as a woman and I absolutely adore this inner beauty that I am discovering that there is a sweet delicateness I had no idea was there within me. There is so much more to us than we are led to believe. We sold and have swallowed so many lies that for some of us it is hard to get past such barriers. If we can get past them then from my own experience it is so worth the effort. It is a beautiful rediscovery of one’s true self.
I would say I have been in step 5 for some time as well, but going into 6 and realising that it’s not those outside of me that are constantly saying I am Love but my own body shouting this constantly.
Thank you Joel, I always enjoy the honesty and how relatable everything is that you have shared. And, a great reminder about checking in on my intention and whether I am here for self or for the all.
May I offer Two more steps and how we move (1) as life is deepened this becomes our awareness of how Lovingly we can be through moving and brings a deepening-humble-appreciative-ness (2) of our divinity. As being humble is to feel the connection to our Soul and accepting no other energy.
“If I was going to have my life choices ‘cleaned up’, the treatment was less effective, but if I was going to ‘build a body of love’, then each session would be as amazing as I allowed it to be” – this is such a brilliant observation. I haven’t really clocked it myself, but what I can feel is a sense of responsibility being accepted as we accept more of who we are, and that there’s nothing to be fixed because truth naturally exposes and dispels what does not belong.
When we heal ourselves it is for us All. Thank you Joel for sharing your, Stages of ‘Becoming Me’ (so far anyway). I love the ‘so far anyway’… very true from my experience as there is always more of us to unfold.:)
Yes, having a session, healing ourselves, everything we do is for All.
‘Love is not looking for a happy ending’,… great point, it an ever expansive movement of expression.
Love is so much more and so different to what we have been brought up in society to believe. It is an expansive movement of expression Victoria – so beautifully said, and not the emotional mayhem that we have been conditioned to know it as.
It was such an eye opener when I started to realise how much my intention affected the way I felt and how things turned out.
So True Fiona, and adding to what has been shared it is not only our intentions, but all the wayward things we do are also a reflection that does not Truly serve our bodies and thus is a reflection that does not bring the Truth of our divinity.
Taking responsibility alone has an amazing ripple effect, yet doing things for relief will not work any more because there is an awareness there is more to consider with responsibility. What a gift.
Thank you Lucy and may I add that the Heavens have / is showering us with much Love and we can but only accept these gifts through the choice of being responsible.
True change only takes place if you able to land a highly personalized approach (to your healing and to the study of yourself) into a flow of increasing awareness that life is not just about you but about all.
Eduardo we have been lied to and have swallowed the lie that it is all about taking care of others and to take care of ourselves is a selfish act. This to me has a very religious smell to it. But actually the more we take care of ourselves by looking inwards it is possible to discover the flow of increasing awareness you talk about that life then becomes not just about the individual but about everyone. This then becomes a very joy-full expression of true love towards our fellow human-beings which is so sorely missed by everyone.
The distinction between seeing a practitioner expecting to get ‘fixed’ and seeing one to be supported in one’s own healing brings not only a difference in focus for the session, it results in a different outcome as you so correctly share, Joel. The former is like having a plaster put on a wound while the latter achieves true healing in that the root cause of the wound is addressed so you do not keep hurting yourself.
Yes it is great love, it just doesn’t let you settle for less than the magnificence you are from. There is quite a battle till you realise you are fighting yourself and there is little point in continuing the ‘battle’.
Hence true healing only occurs when one is open and willing to change and accept responsibility for one’s own wellbeing.
A beautiful, heartfelt and lived description of the unfolding path to ‘me’.
This highlights the self-empowerment that is offered through The Way of The Livingness, as you realise that all that is lived is because of the energy you align to, what you are willing to say ‘yes’ to and as such all the choices that are made are what follows from this. I have discovered the more we live in connection to our Soul the more we live guided by the truth of the love we are, every step of our way.
I am a big fan of intention as the more you become aware of it the more you understand that it underpins everything. As Joel’s example shows, the clearer and more committed you are to your intention for healing (and it not just being about relief or getting ‘better’) the greater the healing can be. I have never known any other healing modality where you realise that you are responsible for your own healing.
It is definitely very humbling to realise that no matter what is happening around us we have a choice as to how we respond to it and we can either react and add more toxic energy to the world or we can observe and respond with love. And that ultimately blaming the world does not lead anywhere but a miserable life.
andrewmooney26 having blamed the world most of my life for the duff cards I had been handed, and so lived that miserable life you talk of, to come to the understanding that those duff cards were the result of past life choices was a big Ostrich size egg to suck on. I now understand that we repeat life until we clear all the unloving toxic imprints we have left in our wake and relearn to remaster ourselves so that the misaligned astral energy we have been using is replaced with the true energy we come from which is the soul.
The willingness to heal is what makes the whole difference of the world.
Committing to becoming a student of ourselves is the best move we can ever make.
As a student of ourselves, we are forever open to learning.
“Love is not looking for a happy ending, it just wants me to be me (the real me)… more and more every day” – and it is me that puts a limit on how much love I allow me to be. The frustration, the desire to give up, the emotions – these are what I create in an attempt to put a stop to this never ending expanding pull – as if I am in fear of this pull towards God.
What is going on Fumiyo when we can feel so much love within us and it is the most gorgeous feeling to have, to then sabotage ourselves by eating or drinking something that takes the edge of the feeling of grandness. That’s when we really get to see what the separated spirit is up to, because there is this part of us that does not want to reconnect back to the one soul it separated from to have this lesser life we are all living. At last the spirit has exposed itself and the trickery it has been using. Coming to this realisation we can then take back mastery of ourselves, so that when we want to eat that bar of chocolate or packet of crisps is to know that it is not really us that wants such food but this other separated part of us, that wants to dull our bodies so that we do not feel the majesty of who we truly are. If we can be disgusted by such trickery and falsehood then maybe we have a chance of reclaiming the true sense of who we are.
It is interesting how we resist what we already know deep inside to be true, it is as if we want some form of proof, some sort of epiphany to confirm what we feel, before we truly believe in ourselves, the more connected we become the more honest we are able to be with ourselves and the less need for any proof because we already feel everything.
Becoming a student of ‘myself’ is becoming a student of life as everyday presents a new learning experience and a new opportunity to learn more about myself , others and the universe we are part of.
Very true, life is constantly ready to reflect to us the next layer to learn from. If we are looking for relief then this constant reflection will irritate us because we are looking for our ‘time off’ but if we embrace the discovery of who we are and what we are a part of, then we embrace the reflections with less resistance.
Human beings need to give themselves more credit. We can read life beyond what we see because we actually see life at the level of intention and not just the physicality of how that plays out. This to me speak volumes of how amazing we are and how we each have an intimate relationship with energy.
So true Rachael, we do need to give ourselves more credit and appreciate how much we do actually clock, see and know. The point is we have given way more credit and focus to the behaviours that mask the relationship we have with energy.
Being a student of myself is an honouring of who I am in every aspect, zero judgement allowed.
The understanding and appreciation that in our essence we are love and that there is nothing to ‘fix’ of the being within and it is the wayward spirit that we have a responsibility to bring back to being at one with the Soul.
The more we are prepared to see the more we are shown just how wayward we have become. But all is not lost there is a plan that will take us all back to the one soul we all come from.
“but if I was going to ‘build a body of love’, then each session would be as amazing as I allowed it to be.”
Bringing this choice to our sessions and our everyday life makes living a grand experience of learning, understanding and humbleness. True healing cvan not but happen as one builds their body of love with the deepest of loving dedication.
I’ve run with that belief if I didn’t have this one in my life or this person at my work or if the kids were sorted then I would be fine and I would have no issues… the thing is I realised I liked issues because they kept me distracted from myself. Once I realised that in truth I really didn’t have any issues, We really are the only ones that can take responsibility for our own healing, love, appreciation and acceptance ourselves.
It’s fascinating watching ourselves as we create our own drama and issues out of basically nothing. All a big game and distraction that we use to stay individual and avoid getting on with our purpose of living deeper levels of truth and love.
Aimee I speak to a lot of people during the day at my work place and obviously people like to talk about how they are and what is happening to them in life and so many of us talk about our issues and how everything would be fine if… What you are sharing is gold, ‘the thing is I realised I liked issues because they kept me distracted from myself. Once I realised that in truth I really didn’t have any issues, We really are the only ones that can take responsibility for our own healing, love, appreciation and acceptance ourselves.’ We distract ourselves in a myriad of different ways to prevent the inner reflection of what is on offer to humanity. I can put up both hands and say I know I did. As corny as it might sound discovering that there is indeed another part to us has been the most delightful experience and one that I will treasure because all the misery has dissipated and in its place is a feeling of joy, life is a joy, I could never have said that in my 20’s,30’s,40,’s or 50’s!
Ha ha, how we want people and the world to change first, instead of being responsible and realising change starts with self first, only then can we show others a different way, and it is then their choice what they do with this. ‘I was convinced that if I could get my wife, my kids, and the world around me to be more loving, I could then be love.’
It’s like a game of chess waiting for someone else to make the first move, yet the constantly changing outside world, and the conditions we place on it, set us up to never make that commitment to being the love we are.
Intention, wow how many people go for healing to try to be fixed, and as you point out that only brings momentary relief, whereas if we are truly looking to heal and be responsible for this, it is very different, ‘ So I realised that my intention affected my level of healing (and everything else)… If I wanted someone to fix me, I got momentary relief: if I wanted to more fully connect to myself, to learn to live as me, then I got just that.’
I went to Practitioners, bought supplements, did this course and that course all because I wanted to be fixed and didn’t really want to take any responsibility for how I was living. In this energy I gave my power away constantly because I thought I was broken. No wonder the healthcare system is under such overwhelm, stress and exhaustion.
Aimee if we take a closer look at what you have written, where does this need to be fixed come from and why do we give our power away to other people, institutions etc., where does this lack of responsibility come from? What if there was an energy that supplied us with thoughts that we are broken and need fixing? While we are focused on the fed belief that we need fixing which is looking outside of ourselves for the answers we have taken our focus away from the innermost part of ourselves which actually holds the answers we are looking for. If we can see the web of lies or games we have fallen for this will be the first step to self mastery and the taking back of our power.
It is very loving to understand the power of intention. Is what you are doing support and benefit just you or benefit many? You can reach both outcomes but there is a significant difference in what shapes our world. It’s also important to not confuse this with ‘good’ because self-gratification and self-recognition is for self. It’s a big one and great to be aware of.
Joel its very interesting what you share about your intention especially in the case of going for a healing session. I know I have often gone for a session hoping to be ‘fixed.’ I agree that we do in fact limit what we can connect to and heal if our intentions are about relinquishing responsibility.
‘Love is not looking for a happy ending, it just wants me to be me (the real me)… more and more every day.’ Beautiful and simple wisdom Joel, the more steps we take towards love we find an endless supply of love continually waiting for us to connect to and embrace.
By virtue of the nature of love, there can be no ‘end’ can there Joel… For love has no fixed outcome, no fixed point to reach – there is always a deeper level, a more expanded knowing and experience.
Not to seek any point of perfection whatsoever, but actually to appreciate that in knowing love, we are communing with the divine, with the part of ourselves that IS love, and has awaited our returning and listening to its promptings for so very long (for the most of us, I would say…).
Victoria I adore what you are saying about true love that there is no end, for love is not fixed, there is no end to reach, just more expansion. To get to a point where we can feel the richness of true love in our bodies rather than the cold emptiness where we look out to life for a fix to dull the pain of the emptiness we feel. It is a complete 360 degree turn around.
I love your step 4 that intention is everything – ultimately something I have found is that so much of what I do is essentially for self gain and self preservation and not truly for humanity.There is such a difference when we let the self go and do what is needed to be done. There is no call or seeking for recognition and no reward needed. Suddenly you find yourself in the moment not worrying or thinking about the outcome or what may be because you know the quality of what you are doing will take care of that. I have felt and sensed that feeling and the more I live it the more natural it becomes. Saying that it is our natural way of being we have just strayed so far away from it it seems hard to sustain it whereas it actually takes a lot of energy to sustain the other, that is the constant drive and search for recognition and approval.
‘Realising that no workshop, book or other person makes my choices..’
Ain’t that the truth! I’ve found workshops, books and sessions from Universal Medicine modality practitioners a HUGE support that always offer another level to go to with myself, but, no matter how many sessions I have or workshops I go to, the choice to go there with myself is always my own.
I agree as well Rachael – no one can do it for us and we always have a choice. After all we live with ourselves 24/7 and so it makes sense. To think or want a person or a course to make things better for us is giving our power away – ultimately whatever is before us is for us to learn something and so we should embrace it rather than fear or contract away from it.
Joel, I love the clarity you bring in what you share here, it’s very supportive and I almost laughed (winced more like) when you described how with the Esoteric modalities it’s about what we are willing to take there, and it forever offers us back where we are wiling to go, and exposes any place where we are conditional and so right now reading your sharing has supported me in seeing another level of how I bargain with the world, I will do this, if I get that, and so I’m learning that maybe I can be love anyway no matter what. Another level of the journey.
Yes the bargaining – who would have thought we were doing ourselves out of heaven each time we bargained with ourselves!!!
Joel you have a way of expressing that is for all – is universal. The support your blogs bring as a result is immense. You are a torch-bearer for those of us choosing to stumble around in the dark whilst holding our own unlit torch.
“Intention”, it is but a word, yet it holds the key to unlocking the grandness that lies with in all of us. For how can we begin to explore what is within unless we intend to do so.
The pursuit of happiness that once made up a large part of my existence is now being replaced with the awareness that I am, and we all are, innately joy-full beings. In the pursuit, happiness was always just out of reach, something to be attained, something off in the future somewhere, tantalising for sure, but never quite attained – at least not for very long. The reconnection to self, reveals that there is an essential beingness in us, that is not in pursuit of anything but that already is ‘everything’. What is shared here in Joel’s blog is very wise. We are students of ourselves – and in my view, when we realise this, we are on the right track.
I love that through all the stages you have woken up to or developed, that you now find yourself at a place of greater understanding for yourself and the world and move forward without expectation of getting it right all the time but rather just choose to be with you as much as possible with every choice, knowing that is the best guide you can have through life.
Oh yes, learning that it all comes back to us, has been revelatory and very revealing for me, seeing that it all comes back to the choices I make and how willing I am to live who I am in any situation or setting. It definitely takes blame out of the equation… well we can still use it if we choose but it definitely shows that it’s useless and just keeps us in the same unloving momentum longer.
Number 5 – two-fold wisdom here. Realising that you cannot blame another for your own choices is the first step. The second is realising that all our choices accumulate and form the platform we found our next choice upon. So as we lift the quality of our past choices with our present choices it founds a more loving quality to expand from and seeds forth a magnetic pull that allows the opportunity for even more loving choices to come to us. Accepting we are enough exactly as we are imperfections and all is the major contributor to this foundation.
Number 4 – I love the wisdom here. Cleaning up a mess is great but if you just replace it with the same mess nothing has changed so I totally agree with you Joel, it’s much more effective to replace what you need to cleared away by filling that same space will love.