by Raegan Cairney, Clayfield, Australia
Throughout my life I tended to always focus on the ‘dangling carrots’ ahead – you know, the goals you set for yourself that you never quite reach, no matter how much you try. I would either change the goals before I reached them or set unrealistic goals in the first place, always ensuring that I didn’t reach them. Or if by chance I did, I would never let myself enjoy it, because I’d have set another one that was bigger and grander than before. They almost always had the undertone that if I reached my goals, my life was in some way going to be ‘better’ and make me ‘happy’.
These dangling carrots came in many shapes and sizes. Some examples sounded like these:
- When I lose five kilos, I am going to feel better about myself.
- If I just go on that holiday, I will feel more relaxed and life will get back to normal.
- I will be happy when I have a man in my life.
- If I clean the house every day, it’s going to make me feel better.
- If I just have a few drinks, I am going to enjoy myself so much more.
- I am going to exercise five times a week.
- I will start to enjoy myself at work when I know more.
- If I just finish this course, I will feel like I am good enough because I have more knowledge.
And the list would go on and on…
Dangling carrots, these unreachable goals, were how I drove my life, always keeping me on a treadmill – one that never seemed to stop and certainly didn’t slow down. In fact, it actually would speed up. The more anxious I became about achieving things, the faster the treadmill would go… so I would then have to go faster to keep up.
As a result, I was living very much from my head and I wasn’t very conscious of my body. If I felt to do or say something – as in, felt it in my body as a kind of ‘knowing’ rather than just an idea – I would override it, instead opting for what my head told me. Living like this meant I wasn’t able to really connect with myself, let alone others around me.
So, to ignore the fact that I was overriding what I really knew was true, I went along to meditation groups, read every spiritual book around (or attempted to), and I was very rarely seen sitting down. I exercised myself silly at the gym and of course drank myself stupid every weekend, really to drown out the voices that were always in my head.
Over the years I did start to curb the drinking, but when I did, what lay underneath were those horrible voices. Comparison, judgment, self-doubt, self-hatred… it was like these voices had been kept quiet against their will and they were not happy. They were back – and they were LOUD.
These voices just perpetuated the dangling carrots cycle even more. Driving myself, driving my body. The urge to silence them again with alcohol was so great!! But, there was a part of me that knew if I did, they would just continue to get louder and louder. Plus, my body was showing the signs of pure neglect: digestion issues, high anxiety, glandular fever – my body was just exhausted. So I was forever looking for solutions to ‘fix’ myself – naturopaths, homeopaths, acupuncturists, chiropractors, psychics: you name it, I went to it, always looking for someone to give me answers.
Then three years ago, I was drawn to books written by Serge Benhayon, founder of Universal Medicine. Reading his books and attending presentations and workshops was the real beginning of turning my life around and allowing true self-healing to occur.
What was presented was not radical or over-the-top, in fact a lot of it was very practical: real-life tools I could apply that assisted me to get off the treadmill – like being more aware of when I needed to go to bed, feeling into what and how I was eating, being more gentle and loving with myself, which in turn created the space for me to be more gentle and loving with those around me. I simplified my life, simplified how I dealt with things. I learned how to ‘stop’ and ‘feel’, something that I had totally shut down the ability to do from when I was a little girl.
It has taken time, and effort, over these past few years. It has taken honesty and the ability to take responsibility for myself and my own healing, which does not happen overnight. But what I can say is the loud voices have gone, only returning when I know I am not connected to the heart of me… even then they are but a mere whisper. My health is amazing and I have wonderful, ‘true’ relationships with family and friends.
I don’t live my life by looking at the dangling carrots anymore. I have actually learnt to stop, feel, and express in a loving and joyful way. I do this by connecting with me first, listening to me first, and expressing from there. I have found a voice, a voice that is so loving and gentle, yet strong and empowered.
Yes, the voice I now listen to is ME!!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
As women we can be so unhappy with ourselves and want/need to prove that we are worth it by doing everything we can to get recognition on some level. Letting that go, enjoying who we are and valuing ourselves without the need for external confirmation is where we need to go, but it takes time to drop everything we have been running with for so long.
Greener pastures and dangling carrots are a thing of the past once we reconnect to our innateness and start to live life from there. And out go hope, beliefs and eventually even the images we have of how life should be as well. A new and true definition of freedom is here called for, based on and informed by this livingness.
I attempted to read every spiritual book too… But I rarely got past the first chapter no matter how much I tried, and I certainly never felt connected to myself. Enter Serge Benhayon and in a few short minutes of the Gentle Breath Meditation, everything had changed, forever.
Sometimes if you catch up with a dangling carrot it doesn’t taste as good as you thought it would. When we are constantly chasing that certain something outside of ourselves we never get there but when we stop and feel that all the inner beauty and love is already there within us we discover the truth of who we are.
I know these dangling carrots very well…. and I’ve observed of late how they can get ever so sneaky, and dangle ever so lightly almost as if they’re not really there, while I find myself snooping along to a distraction of some kind or another. Looking at Social Media posts when the intention was to sit down and do something else, browsing on the internet, browsing in a shop. Filling up time with ‘stuff’ instead of being purposeful in every moment as we are meant to be. The carrot lurks around, maybe not so colourful and grand in appearance these days, but I’m looking out for it just the same…
When we live in absence of knowing that who we are within is already everything, we live in search of things, lifestyles and activities that will supposedly deliver a sense fulfilment, even if it is fleeting, anything will do. The search is incessant as there is no substitute to living in connection to our essence within, our inner-knowing as you have beautifully shared Raegan, through which we are always guided to live a life that honors who we already are.
Putting ourselves under constant expectation creates so much anxiety within us, and our relationship with the subtle things such as our expectations, drives, goals, pictures of how life should be reveal a lot oboist what we have taken on life to mean and what is running us. To let go of these feels amazing as you’ve shared Regen, and letting go doesn’t mean having nothing, or has to be replaced by something that is our essence.
The eternal chase in the world, ‘who am I’ and ‘what is all this about’. I remember being asked and then hit with these questions a number of times during life. It’s at these points you would try and put your life on a different course as what you had been doing obviously wasn’t ‘it’. This would work for a time only to come back to what seemed like a different point and yet it had the same questions or feeling again and so around and around we would go. This became a life and you learnt to cope with this as how it was, you didn’t accept it but just played out the ups and downs that seemed to keep coming. Then at a point the questions didn’t come again and you set forward on a path that supported you to see the answers. Answers that were in fact there all along just hidden. That point was reflected into your view by Universal Medicine, not telling you the answer to those questions but turning you back so you could see them clearly yourself.
As I was reading this I was reflecting on the dangling carrots I have placed, one in front of the other over time. And whilst, I too have realised that this actually doesn’t achieve what we think it will achieve, and I’m less concerned about ‘getting something’, I would be dishonest if I said those carrots were completely gone. For me, they just look different now, less material if you like, closer to home. For example the ways in which I take care of myself, are often for an outcome, not because I’m simply worth the care and effort, instead, it’s for the sake of sorting out medical ailments. Sure it’s important to look after yourself in order to help the body clear any illness and disease, but when that is the focus, instead of the focus being that we are already everything first and deserve to take care of ourselves, then, we again find ourselves ‘trying’ to reach a goal, an outcome.
What Raegan has presented here is a paradigm change, one from being thrust along on life’s treadmill to one where each of us takes our life in hand and makes it if the love we each hold within.
I love how you call out these voices that are not the real us – voices that reverberate loudly in our heads when we have disconnected from our own true voice, which as you say is very practical and simple to access, when we make our lives about self-love and love before anything else.
Having ‘a dangling carrot’ is a distraction from taking responsibility and committing to what is required in the moment. It is living in two times – the now and the future – and therefore not fully present in the moment.
“Yes, the voice I now listen to is ME!!” This is very inspiring. To live more embracing and appreciative of ourselves is life changing.
The old dangling carrot, I know this one all to well. It’s the treadmill we’ve turned on and pretend we can’t find the off switch. I still have moments where I discover that I’ve dangled another for me to catch. The more we live from our inner most the less we dangle the carrot, for we feel the truth that we are already all we need to be we just need to learn to live it in all we do.
I so resonate with what you say Raegan. And irony of ironies, a difficult one for me now is learning how to set aside the goal of ‘getting somewhere’ with my personal development – the very thing that has helped me set aside the other ‘dangling carrots’ that have populated so much of the rest of my life! Just goes to show there are always deeper layers to uncover as we get clearer about the dynamics of our lives.
Great point Fumiyo – I have definitely subscribed to this belief system too. The truth is, we know that we are grand beings living small lives, but, we can only return to the glorious beings we are by accepting ourselves as is.
I love this blog Raegan, it always helps me identify the carrots that I’m chasing. Giving myself permission to be in love with who I am right now feels so much more spacious and loving than setting goals.
We push and drive our bodies until they shout no more and bring a stop moment, whether that is an accident, an injury or some form of illness and disease, then we wonder what is going on. I am learning to go deeper with honouring and listening to my body, really feeling and understanding its messages, after a couple of stop moments.
It can be so exhausting chasing the unreachable goals that we set ourselves, which as you say stops us from being connected with ourselves too. Building a foundation of connecting to ourselves first, and honouring our inner connection is so much more loving.
Setting goals is a clever way to be hard on yourself. It’s an expectation that is not reality. It takes away the simplicity and natural flow that is already there. It makes it strenuous because what is set to reach is going against your body. This line I appreciate brings me back “I have found a voice, a voice that is so loving and gentle, yet strong and empowered.” If my voice is not that I know it is not me.
Ah those carrots! So glad I read this blog today because I have been chasing carrots for far too long. Your words remind me that I don’t need to get anywhere. I feel I can give myself full permission to simply appreciate where I am right now. Simply beautiful.
This is such a powerful sharing Raegan and a subject I can relate to very well. Having lived most of my life with the ‘dangling carrots’ and ‘the grass is always greener’ sort of attitude your blog brings an understanding as to how we create this in the first place. Seeking outside of myself for fulfillment became my ‘norm’ and the search for happiness lay in the ‘if only’s’ instead of dealing with the here and now and knowing I was enough. The greatest key for me was to begin to accept and appreciate myself in full and this supported me to connect and embrace my qualities within and then any need or desire on the outside began to naturally fall away.
A Celebration indeed Raegan! What a truly great, and honest sharing… The ‘treadmill’ you describe sounds as though it was being operated at break-neck speed. And yet, you realised that it was your call to stay on it, or step off and find your own way and rhythm in life – from the voice within you had so long overridden and denied.
Love this – no doubt we can ALL relate to some degree!
“the voice I now listen to is ME!!” This is a very important aspect you bring to the fore here, to learn to listen to our inner truth and not let everything from the outside dominate us. It is a step by step process and something we need to remind ourselves of as we have created a world where perfection is the goal but not the loving quality we are with each other.
Making life about everything on the outside, i.e images, goals, wants, must-haves, leaves a very big gapping void within, which then drives the numbing and distraction away from ourselves even more. Thus, the cycle of filling the emptiness begins and continues until we realise that everything is already within and living that in everything we do is truly fulfilling.
It is so easy to get trapped with these ‘dangling carrots’, these goals and ideas outside of ourselves as our whole life on this planet is geared towards this way of existence. But what a difference it makes when we start to listen more to our bodies and our innate wisdom that comes with that connection and start to live life from the inside out.
Your story is profound Raegan for so very few people are able to get off the treadmill like you have let alone quell the voices that keep them there. How gorgeous that you have chosen to heal what stood in the way of you connecting to yourself and can now embrace the qualities that lie at the heart of you, so that there is no need to seek outside for anything.
I read this blog over a year ago, and I just stumbled across the comment I made back then. I talked about the fact that I liked to think I didn’t dangle carrots, but in fact I did and I was running my body and mind into the ground trying to achieve all sorts. I feel far less driven today than I did then. I still place expectations on myself that don’t really support me, but I am far more aware of how the drive creates the anxiety that creates the tension in my body that is felt through physical pain and emotional drain. The more I allow myself to feel it all, the more I am aware of it and can then make a different choice – depending on how stubborn I feel like being!
Great blog Raegan for I am also very familiar with the dangling carrot syndrome characterised by the when I get… ‘it will’ or ‘I will’ be enough. But that’s the deceptive and illusionary thing about dangling carrots, whatever it is you want to come from an external source will be forever out of reach.
We use all the distractions that we have to keep running away from ourselves and as you share Raegan, when we first turn inwards we might have to face some ugly stuff, but we need to remember that what we are facing is merely the outer rim of what we have accumulated over life-times, the more we deal with the stuff that is covering up our precious self the more we can actually feel our true greatness and the glorious light that we are made of. That is why modalities like Chakra-puncture are so amazing, because they put us straight in contact with that inner most divinity, so that we have a taste and an experience and actually know that it is there and worth working through our stuff for.
I can so relate to those “dangling carrots” and the out of control treadmill, and I can recall how absolutely exhausting living this way was. I nodded my way, as I would say many others did, through your carrot list, and I know that I could have added quite a few more, one being; I need to lose a certain amount of weight before a big event. Did that ever happen? – NO!, but the feeling of failure was sure evident with that particular carrot not being achieved, on more than one occasion. Carrot dangling is one past time that I have deleted from my life, and does it make a difference to the way I live? – It sure does!
Great title Raegan, ‘The Dangling Carrots’ hummm… I still occasionally choose this but learning to listen to my inner voice and trust what I feel more and more, this supports me to let go of the dangling carrot for sure. Also appreciating myself more and more hugely supports me in this too.
‘I simplified my life, simplified how I dealt with things.’ Amazing to feel how simple life can be when we listen to the wisdom of our body. And the more we listen the more it will share the simple truth of living.
The energy we give voice to will sound out the loudest – is it love or is it not?
Great blog Reagan. You have just described how the world is set up to suck us in. Better homes and gardens, skinnier models, more relaxing holidays destinations, drinks that allow you to socialize better, better education and the one-up-man-ship that can bring etc. It is clearly all a big carrot posed in front of us all to make us feel we are not enough and we are never ever going to be enough. Hey I love the way you have cut the carrot down and tossed it on the compost and allowed your self to be, now this is the true love that we are all really looking for but could not see as the carrot was in our face!
Thank you Reagan for a great sharing, there is always the big IF in life and the way we live it, tricking us into trying to reach out to make life better. When we come to realise the truth, that we already are what we have been searching for,and by claiming this love in our bodies we are left with the choice to be, no IF’s needed at all.
“Dangling carrots, these unreachable goals, were how I drove my life, always keeping me on a treadmill – one that never seemed to stop and certainly didn’t slow down.” Who are not in the trap of this dangling carrots – is not nearly everybody. Therefore I love it that you so simply expose the truth underneath it Raegan.
It is our choice now to change it or not.
What you are describing is basically what we learn in this world, that we have to become somebody and that we need to keep achieving, thus always having another goal in front of us. But as you unravel it keeps us unsatisfied and searching. But searching we do always in the outside as that is what we have been told and that is ‘how life is lived’, so I agree with you, thank God for Serge Benhayon who is living and thus showing us that there is another way, that we are already enough and have all the answers ‘within’ us and that with learning to care deeply for ourselves we are able to connect to this inner wisdom more and more.
It’s amazing how we can drive the body to illness and disease when we choose to override what it’s messages to us are and instead listen to the mind and the goals it has set for us.
I love how you describe this Raegan – ‘dangling carrots’ It’s so true and I have so say after reading your blog I did exactly the same thing. I had plans for everything. I became aware that I needed something to look forward to, because what would happen if I didn’t? What would happen to me in life if I wasn’t working towards something. What I look forward to everyday is being myself and enjoying the experience of being me. I have no real plans like I used to, to look forward to. I simply look forward to everyday and what it may bring.
Dangling carrots, I know them well. By attending to the details of what is in front of me and caring for myself my life has changed dramatically. When I do find myself in my head or judging myself or others it is a matter of coming back to myself and focusing on what is in front of me, giving it my full attention. It is a work in progress, but my life now is so different to when I was constantly in search of something elusive many years ago.
The detail in this blog is very powerful, you really dive right into why we choose to run on that tread mill so hard and for so long but you explore it all without an ounce of judgment and plenty of understanding.I think we can all relate to the dangling carrot situation its a very universal subject.
Inspiring to read the changes you’ve embraced and choosing to listen to your own voice. It is empowering when we trust what we feel. Letting go of the dangling carrots is actually easy because we place it in front of ourselves in the first place so we can easily discard it when we choose to.
Our body is an incredible marker for us and has very clear and loud conversations should we choose to listen. There is nothing outrageous, simply self care, tenderness and balance that when I am not listening gets forgotten.
Dangling Carrots as you put them Reagan have been pressures that I have put on myself at times too, only to feel disappointment at the lack of results. Having connected to Universal Medicine and the Presentations of Serge Benhayon of the Ancient Wisdom has been the most amazing and revealing experience of my life enabling me to see the truth of the pressures I have put on myself in the past.
It is intriguing to ponder on the fact that we do all know that the carrots we place in front are placed with the set up of us not achieving them in spite of the image of what is sold to us about ‘getting there’ so to speak. I know that for me when I have had these dangling carrots in my life that they come with a false image of what it would be like to ‘get them’ which prompts us to keep running towards them. Only to be set up with failure as either the carrot does not meet our expectations or we simply cannot ‘get there’ at all
Being hard on ourselves seems to be at epidemic proportions and it is not even needed. I have come to realise recently that being hard on myself is actually my own creation, and it is a choice. So I am choosing to say No to being hard on myself and instead saying Yes to being loving with myself. The change feels amazing, and the more I love myself the more obvious the hard voice becomes. There is no place for hardness anymore, only Love.
‘being more gentle and loving with myself, which in turn created the space for me to be more gentle and loving with those around me’. This is what I discovered, because I was so hard on myself, I would be really hard to all others, which meant I had no true connection with others. However, as soon as I put self-care and self-nurture into my daily practice, and become more gentle and loving with myself, I found that I was more understanding and loving with others. Healing our hurts has huge benefits and turns our life around.
I had my own dangling carrots as I believe we all do…. I was an expert at ignoring my body and would push and drive my body to do more! Like yourself, I was only able to stop this momentum I was in when I attended courses by Serge Benhayon – that was when true healing began and I have observed how my life has transformed and now how much I can appreciate myself for all the big steps I have taken. I have so much more self-love, deepening every day.
The pictures we give ourselves as to how we could/should be always ensure to leave us feel we are not enough, and we will never be.
“Dangling carrots, these unreachable goals” that keep us on the treadmill of always trying to get somewhere, anywhere but where we are. Serge Benhayon presents a simple way to step off the treadmill of our existence with knowing that where we are is not it and we just have to return to where we have come from – love.
“As a result, I was living very much from my head and I wasn’t very conscious of my body. If I felt to do or say something – as in, felt it in my body as a kind of ‘knowing’ rather than just an idea – I would override it, instead opting for what my head told me. Living like this meant I wasn’t able to really connect with myself, let alone others around me.” Choosing to connect with my body – which does know – rather than my mind – which loves to play tricks – means I live more in the present moment. Thus fewer carrot-dangling opportunities.
Well said Elodie. The trick is that we think we need to be on the treadmill chasing our goals and dreams when we do not need to in the first place. We simply need to re-connect to our inner-most
Listening to that oh so honest inner voice not, the busy mind which constantly changes the ever increasing goal posts (dangling carrots) that can so easily stretch us in every but which way. Only if we allow that to be the case. A beautiful sharing Raegan thank you.
I had a conversation with guy at the fish n chip shop the other day, somehow we got onto the topic of how full on the voices in our heads are when we’ve decided the way we live needs to change, and that there seems to be so many things out there but no real support or tools that allow you to take hold of your own life and choices. This guy struck gold at the fish, thank you Serge Benhayon and to those involved with the Uni Med living. Absolutely priceless ..
Great blog Raegan – “Living like this meant I wasn’t able to really connect with myself, let alone others around me.” Like you have beautifully expressed until we connect with our own true voice and give power back to that we’re at the mercy of all the other voices.
This is an interesting take Reagan that behind the looking forward way of thinking were voices that were negative and self doubting and how through listening to your body you discovered your true voice that was very respectful and loving of yourself. You have offered great truth that the way back to love is through opening up and feeling and not trying to tackle those negative thoughts directly or analytically.
Reagan I feel that most of us have the dangling carrot issue thinking it is the way to speed up and get things done. But often they just sit there in front of us and just looking at them causes stress because they’re still there maybe years later! Lovely conclusion , listening to your own voice with joy.
I had the same experience today Aimee. I asked myself if there will be a day where I can just do what I feel like doing on the weekend. I told myself sure I’ll have time in the holidays. This is a pattern I have, I tell myself I will have this opportunity in the future and it never comes.
I have become aware just recently that when I am stressed, upset or exhausted I no longer turn to sugar for comfort. I’m now turning to me and my self love and support from family, friends and Universal Medicine. I’m choosing a more gentle loving way to return back to me rather than go on a sugar expedition that can take me away from myself for weeks or even months. ‘The voice I now listen to is me’.
The dangling carrot, or better known as the ‘where would you like to be in 5 years time?’
In truth how can we predict where we will be in 5 years time? We can’t even predict the weather accurately for the next day.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t prepare for our future, for this is essential, however we should be invested in the quality of our life and not the details. For the details will work themselves out if the quality is correct.
Such wise words from such a young man. If we live by these words Luke our lives will be very full of opportunities that we have created for our self and there will be no need to chase that carrot for we will know where we are going.
Agree, because in truth the carrot has nothing to do with the future plan. It is there to distract us from the inner pain we are feeling in the present.
Dangling carrots is a very apt description of my stubbornness a times. Reagan, like you I was ruled by the idea of impossible achievements that would deliver me something I was lacking in my life … but of course they never did, I was just being driven by an energy inside me that would not let me rest and be. Being introduced to the gentle breath meditation and the fact that we are already enough has enabled me to put a stop to the most obvious carrots, though they can slip in at anytime when I lose connection to myself.
The practical tools that Serge Benhayon presents are simple and effective. As you say Reagan it is a consistent choice and focus to keep coming back to your self and break down the patterns and habits that keep you away from who we truly are.
A beautiful blog, with a beautiful conclusion, makes me laugh from joy. Enjoying the changes you have shared here and enjoying feeling it through your words – pure joy.
Just reading the title of this blog caused me to smile – I had a picture of a carrot dangling on a stick in front of a donkey trying to get it to move forward (as they can often be very stubborn) At that point realising that is just how it was for me. A stubbornness to not change old patterns of striving, driving and pushing myself to the limit, overwhelm and exhaustion sets in. As you share so beautifully Raegan those ‘dangling carrots those unreachable goals’. How that all changes when introducing listening to our bodies, connecting more deeply to ‘feeling’ and bringing in a self-loving programme that builds from the inside out. Gently so as we bring in and cement a foundation to base our lives on. Those ever busy thoughts start to take a back seat ride.
I have had many carrots dangling in front on my nose, going from one place to the other, always trying new things, thinking that there was this certain point where I had to arrive at and then everything would be all fine, great and I would be enlightned. Very tiring, I can tell you that, especially with all the travelling abroad as well. Since Universal Medicine these carrots slowly dissapeared and this creates a deeper sense of surrendering into the moment and knowing that there is nowhere to go as we are forever evolving.
The voices I created have and still sometimes are affecting me deeply, I lose the connection with my body, and with that the true connection to all around. I feel those voices have made me feel isolated, in my own world. But now when listening more to that what is in me, it supports me to express and be open to the world, it is such a difference. That what I was creating was always worse than the real world is.
Great blog Raegan! Recognising the voices that come from, what I term my ‘good for nothing chatterbox’ is a liberating one, allowing for the true voice of ME to be heard. Giving the space to myself to feel what my body is informing me of all the time, leaves less and less an opening for that chatterbox to get its air time with me.
Raegan thank you for your article, when we rely on the carrot, something to look forward to, we miss out so much on what is going on at the time, as we focus on the future and not the present.
This is so true Sally. Thank you for breaking it down like this. The carrot does trick you into focusing on the future and taking you away from the present moment.
Awesome Raegan – thank you for showing that we don’t have to be at the mercy of our thoughts trying to run our bodies into the ground but to instead let our heart run the show for it considers the body first and foremost.
Thank you Danielle, I agree. This article is authored to absolutely, activist activating again, towards awareness of the truth and love ‘eternal’ that is there for all equally.
The dangling carrot is how many of us get through life. Without the goal there is no seeming purpose to what we do. This I am realising is a very horrible way to live as it is void of the simple joy of just being with ourselves and loving what we do.
The greatest purpose we could ever feel in life is to express all the love we truly are and not hold anything back
The dangling carrot is a strategy that so many of us use to keep us going, or ‘achieve our goals’ when in fact, going for something in this way rarely leads to lasting, longterm change because it doesn’t address the reason we need the carrot in the first place.
It was exactly this rarely lasting longterm changes what made me giving up at some points in my life. Therefore addressing “the reason we need the carrot in the first place” was important because this changed my life at all. Addressing it was and is the best medicine ever!
Reagan what you have written here is very important and cannot be underestimated in it’s power, even living differently over the last few years I am constantly being asked to go deeper and can often find carrots waiting for me ahead. The anxiousness I feel these days is much more harmful a) because I know the choices are from my head and not my body and b) my body gets really affected by the things I choose. This article has brought a deeper awareness to the issue of living disconnected to the heart and soul of me.
Through reading this I became aware of my own past inactivity, inertia, stagnation in life, through thinking that there would be some changes when this or that had occurred some time in the future. I was never ready or felt I had done enough to merit moving forward or taking a new step in life. I held myself back and berated myself for never being ready or prepared. My lack of self worth continuously meant I did not try new things or establish a foundation to build anything new on. Life has changed, I am building a business, I have been studying, I am changing career and so much more and I feel this is due to making a commit to nurture and support myself in a more true way. Over the last years a foundation of care and love has been built in my life and I have begun to honour an inner connection that I have often felt but denied or over rode. This connection offers clarity, true wisdom and is deeply supportive, no longer am I in fear or stagnation, the next step is already happening and I am ready for it.
Samantha, I know what you speak of here, as reading Raegan’s blog today reminded me of how I’ve always held something out in front of me as a way to keep myself on the go, to push myself and yet in doing so I’ve not connected to and felt the deep tenderness in me. Your comment brought me pause as I considered that often in life that state of perpetual motion I’ve kept up has meant I have not built the foundation which allowed me to support me and build it to allow me to expand and explore my expression, and now I’m learning to see what I might do to support my evolution rather than stand outside feeling cut off from myself, the first step is that connection to me, and the next step I’m learning is to lovingly commit to me day by day.
These two comments have really added to an already powerful blog, there are so many ways that we can deal with dangling carrots, never feeling we are good enough to achieve them therefore not really trying, and always striving to get there, blast through them to put up another dangling carrot never feeling satisfied with getti to the dangling carrots!! Neither are better or worse, just different versions of the same energy that comes from not connecting to ourselves first. Building a relationship with ourselves through self love and self nurturing means our paths in life become extensions of our expressions.
Wow Raegan, I never knew you were a drinker … your radiance and shine looks like you’ve lived a pure life! It seems to me that the work of Serge Benhayon has restored another true angel to us all.
I have been there and done this Reagan and it is exhausting. I may have achieved some things, but there are consequences to this lifestyle and it plays out in all sorts of ways.
Absolutely Matthey, spot on. I have been cruising to from a to b , looking for this and for that, but in fact I was in the end always being asked to look and feel my responsibility. A big ouch at times, but I start to realize that feeling those ouch’es support me to actually better my life for true good, true responsibility, true fun! No dangling carports can handle that!
Reagan from reading your blog I became aware that one of my dangling carrots is the ‘to do’ list. If I don’t get everything ticked off I put pressure on myself. Learning to listen to my body and my inner voice is a work in progress still but when I do everything amazingly just happens and falls into place.
Well said lindellparlour – I can relate to what you’ve shared about the ‘to do’ list… For many years this was a big focus for me and was never a list that was able to be completed (there was always more on the list!). It’s been a work in progress for me as well, learning to do what needs to be done but doing this by listening to my body first!
I know the list that can never be completed in the time I have available for it so well lindellparlour and Angela Perin. It is one of the things that causes the feeling that I am not okay and have to work hard on myself. Listening to my body in all circumstances is definitely work in progress taking myself lovingly by the hand and stop the pressure cooker.
“Yes, the voice I now listen to is ME!!” – love it, Raegan! The incessant voices of self-doubt are one of the most crippling things we do ‘to ourselves’. I also used to be a victim of my own dangling carrots, and the feeling of never being able to catch up, like running a race with a handicap. With Serge Benhayon’s patient example, I’m beginning to leave that way of living behind!
Raegan your experience of the dangling carrots is one I feel many of us can relate to. It’s truly incredible all that you have been able to change in your life by giving up the striving and trying and making it about feeling and connecting to what’s inside of you.
Thank you, Raegan. Your list of dangling carrots is really great, they all point to anywhere but present and I can see how we set ourselves up for never feeling good enough, while not giving ourselves a chance to get to know the grandness of what we truly are.
I too spent some years distracted by what I thought I needed to do to be successful in the world, because that is what got people to like me. Since attending Universal Medicine I have re-connected to a part of me that only cares about truth, and that part is my body. It brings me joy now that I have made self loving choices and decided that this life is going to be full of things that I chose because they feel true.
Appreciation is an important step in the foundation of self worth and an essential building block towards the next choice, whatever that may be.
To choose to live one’s life without being a slave to the ‘dangling carrots’ is one mean feat. I have personally struggled with this for my entire life and it will pop up every now and again, but the difference between then and now is, I now know that I am enough just as me and even if I did or did not reach that goal, I know that fact will never change.
Reading this blog I am reminded of the fact that I have used the carrot and the stick to drive myself in the past towards some goal or outcome outside of me that would bring me the contentment and happiness I so craved (don’t we all crave this?) meanwhile missing the giant elephant in the room that all I had to do was choose to live in a way that put my body, my feelings and not my head first.
I wonder how many other people have these voices in their heads dangling carrots that set unrealistic goals and think it is normal? I can put two hands up to the fact that that was my normal. What surprised me was now indignant the voices were that I might choose to not put quite so much attention their way and instead divert my focus to my body. A body, I might add, which had been waiting patiently, without imposing, for me to realise it always offers a great conversation and very wise advice on pretty much any subject of the dangling carrot variety…
Great carrot analogy! I never considered those unreachable goals as dangling carrots, but its a great way to describe them, brings it very much back to basics and how absurd they are. Reading your blog I realized that I actually still put out some dangling carrots, in a very different way now, not so obvious, but still dangling…. Thank you for this great reminder!
A beautiful Blog Raegan – Carrots are huge and so widely promoted within society. Rewarding ourselves and working for rewards is something that is reinforced from childhood.
So true Kate and Raegan, and all the carrots do is rob us from living in and enjoying the presence.
No carrots anymore, that sounds familiar. It happens sooner or later on the path of self love, doesn’t it?
This is absolutely gorgeous Raegan. You write with the strength, power and authority of a woman who knows herself inside out. This is a wonderful confidence to have and an absolute joy to read!
Awesome post Ragaen! The dangling carrot sydrome is an epidemic, that’s for sure! How identical our lists are, as I’m sure it is for many others. I think it’s so funny how different we all think we are, but really, we all have the same goal driven ideals. We can all be equally ridiculous about ourselves. It’s awesome to feel people choosing to step out of that though. I’ve certainly still got a few carrots placed around me, but I’m more aware of them these days, and am able to push them out of the way more often. They are persistent little things I tell you!
I remember those ‘dangling carrots’, and every time finding something else to dangle a carrot over. Never being satisfied and always looking for something else to fulfil that empty feeling. Now I know that the fulfilment comes from within and not from the outside in.
I love your blog Raegan and can so relate to your treadmill of life complete with the unrelenting ‘dangling of the unreachable carrots’ in front of you, teasing and continually motivating you to be and have more…. totally absurd when the truth is we are all enough just by being who we are, imperfections and all.
I love this Raegan. The world teaches us to ‘dangle carrots’, to forever strive to be better, to be more. What it does not tell us is that there is a high price to pay for this way of life as you experienced.
‘Dangling carrots’ is an interesting description of the process of planning goals ahead and imagining that life will be okay when those goals are achieved. It reminded me of how I often used to live almost ahead of myself, predicting, gauging, guessing what the outcomes might be, believing that the right moment will come for me to do such and such activity. That moment often did not come because I did not at have the self worth or confidence to undertake the plans and activities.There is something about living ahead of yourself or waiting for something to change that does not support our present day. Learning to be in the present has altered how I experience life. I feel much more content and confident to work on activities that are supporting my life and yes I often do complete them.
Thank you Reagan for such an inspiring blog, your last words leave me smiling,”I have found a voice, a voice so loving and gentle, yet strong and empowered . Yes, the voice I now listen to is Me” truly beautiful.
Wow Raegan what a joy to read your amazing blog. I have to admit that I myself know life exactly what you describe in the following sentence: “The more anxious I became about achieving things, the faster the treadmill would go… so I would then have to go faster to keep up.” Is it not funny that so many people are trapped in this behavior??? I absolutely appreciate what you revealed in your truthful blog Raegan – Thank you.
It has been inspirational to read about changes in your life Raegan and it was done “..by connecting with me first, listening to me first, and expressing from that.” Beautiful.
I can totally relate to this and see it in many others also. It makes me wonder why we allow this in our community, from a very young age? Why are we not taught or shown another way?
To stop chasing goals and live in connection to myself and appreciating my life eliminates stress for me. It is funny how all the stress I have ever experienced is self created. It is empowering to know I can change my old way of living to now be fully connected and loving.
Awesome blog Raegan, I can definitely relate to it on so many levels. I like your example of the dangling carrot. Very inspiring to read how you’ve changed your life around. I have also learnt to stop, feel, and express in a loving and joyful way recently. It has taken a while for me to get to this stage of really living in a loving, tender and supportive way. I have been taking my time to reach where I am now because I was delaying what I already knew I should have been doing. Now that I have experienced what it’s like to feel connect, amazing and empowered through my loving choices, I cannot see why I would choose anything else. This has been inspired by Serge Benhayon and everyone I have met at Universal Medicine. I am deeply grateful and blessed.
My experience is when you have one of these dangling carrots, your concern is never in what is going on at the present but to look forward to something in the future. In doing this, we miss so much!! I did it once with a little band that people buy in Brasil, in Bahia. My only concern was when will it break (because you ask three wishes). The funny thing is that it takes so long that it is almost impossible to remember what did you ask. The whole thing is ridiculous.
Brilliant post Reagan. I can totally relate to chasing those dangling carrots and ‘the list’… It was always never enough even when some of the goals were achieved. It is so beautiful to feel how you have found another way through stopping, feeling, expressing your joyful and loving self. And that living this way you have found your true voice ‘that is so loving and gentle, yet strong and empowered.’ You are a beautiful inspiration – thank you.
I just loved your last paragraph – how you have found your true voice is just so inspirational. A gorgeous sharing.
Thank you Raegan – I can so relate to what you have shared with us all. Little did I know at the time when I felt like a pressure cooker about to blow that all I had to do was literally be still and gently breath or slow down my walk and really feel each and every step. Amazing.
To stop, slow down to be still, connect to our gentle breath and to be ourselves, I agree is absolutely amazing. So simple. I have experienced in the past that it wasn’t so easy when I was feeling the pressure that I have created. It seems to take a lot of effort to change my momentum but when I was willing to stop, feel and reconnect, it changes everything.
Raegan, great blog, and yes I know those dangling carrots of which you speak, it really perpetuates the idea of us never being enough and constantly looking out there and searching for that magic pill or silver bullet. It keeps us away from the very thing that does know, us, that internal essence that is within the heart of all of us, never tainted, always there ready and waiting.
Raegan, I am glad that you have chosen to listen to the empowered beauty of YOU over the imposed Comparison, judgment, self-doubt, and self-hatred that just does not belong in anyone.
By chasing the doing we in fact limit ourselves because in the being we could be much, much more than we can ever imagine….
Yes focusing on what lies ahead is exhausting.
Since I have been stopping and truly connecting to who I am … life sure has changed.
Thank you Raegan for sharing. You are inspirational.
Such a great blog Reagan. I know the dangling carrots very well! ‘If I have reached that goal than I will start and enjoy my life.’ was a (and sometimes still is) common thought of me. I experienced that I would never do it as there would be always a new goal to reach before I would allow myself to enjoy life and myself. I found, with the support of the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, that I can choose to live and enjoy my life now, and that is not done through reaching goals but through living lovingly with me every moment, without perfection. I am learning this every day and am amazed by my deeply loving voice I now listen to more regularly.
Reagan, you are living testament of someone committing to healing and reconnecting to the love that you are. You know you are on the right track when those voices that used to be loud and controlling are now but mere whispers and are gentle signs of honouring the connection within yourself .
Love it Raegan, as this is a story I can so relate to, always trying to get to the next thing, reaching out then feeling I had fallen far short or to set myself up with a new set of goals to reach. Only recently have I really begun to feel how much I have always competed with myself in life – inside, things felt pressured, as I tried to complete my plans/goals within a certain time. What I am finding is the more I stop, really stop and connect to how I feel in the moment, I can stop the race. It feels the more we feel our true selves that we can really begin to live.
The foundation of not feeling enough is perfect fertile ground for those dangling carrots. Through Serge Benhayons work I’ve begun to reconnect to my inner self, that one’s not just enough but quite amazing. When I feel this reconnection the belief of not feeling I’m enough seems like the greatest lie and biggest dupe ever told, yet I still get caught out by it. It’s like the whole world is set up to tell us this lie even supporting us to love it with its many products and services. For me Serge Benhayon is the only person I’ve met saying the opposite, living the opposite and helping others live from this amazing place inside us all.
Hi Raegan, such an awesome blog. I can relate to the long list of unreachable goals, I lived like this for many years – constantly feeling not ‘good’ enough. When I chose to connect to myself and listen I too was able to make choices for myself that were more loving and supportive – it was then easy to let go of the long lists.
Raegan thank you for pointing out the futility of goals other than to know ourselves through self-awareness.
I love this blog and can relate to every single thing you say. I was an inveterate carrot dangler, but also a master of the stick.
Yes I had a multitude of goals to achieve…always just impossible enough to keep me on perpetual edge.
And to help keep me moving I knew how to apply the stick…beating myself along with those voices in my head saying “not good enough”, “what on earth is wrong with you” and so many more that are too nasty to print.
It is no way to live, in fact it is not life at all. Just existence.
And those carrots? Well they are not so worthwhile when they are finally grasped.
With time and enough lived experience we all come to see that. Rather than heralding burn out and giving up, it can become a time of deep inward reflection and a return to stillness. And how beautiful to not wait until it becomes so dire.
Let this blog inspire everyone to re-develop their self awareness and turn to their inner knowing, well before they become worn about by the relentless carrot chase.
I can relate to what you have written Raegan. I used to live life constantly on the go and my body and mind never seemed to stop because there was always the next thing to do, achieve etc. Since attending Universal Medicine workshops, I have been steadily chipping away at the anchors that hold this behaviour and thinking in place and feel so much healthier and happier as a result.
I like the analogy of the dangling carrots, I only recently realised that I set myself up for failure by putting such high expectations on myself and thinking that things need to be done in a certain way. So there is no chance of getting the carrot…
The dangling carrots have become much more subtle and refined – this has been a timely reminder to stay vigilant and aware of every little thing.
You described it very well with the ‘dangling carrot’ in front of you. I know this from my old belief of what I wanted to achieve in life and how I put myself under pressure, as if I must prove something to someone that I can make it there. Realizing more and more what an illusion this was, and that I was losing quality in what I was doing, got me to wake up. It is ridiculous under what circumstances we put our body whilst being under this pressure. Connecting to being enough in everything that I do, and appreciating the glory in my work, has let me put down the dangling carrot more and more, and I am looking forward to becoming even more relaxed in everything that I do.
From dangling illusionary carrots to apple pips of clear truth, your story is inspiring Raegan for those who want to honestly deal with issues of anxiety and stress of living and owned by a check-listed-life.
I know the dangling carrots and how they can seduce me to look outside instead of being still and feel me. A great synonym of our goal orientated way of living in the temporal world. How refreshing it is to just stop and feel instead of reacting to the dangling carrots.
Thank you Raegan for voicing your story on this blog. I know the treadmills and ‘dangling carrots’ in life too, and it is so great to have them disappear by simply connecting to my inner-heart and allowing my life to be led by it.
Yes Raegan I can relate to what you say, checklists are creators of anxiety and keep us in constant carrot-dangling anxiousness and busyness that feels absolutely awful even antagonistic in the body. How freeing when stop that chattering noise of doing, accomplishing and fixing, to just accepting and being – to feel the balance of our innate stillness.
Great blog! It’s very true – it’s easy to always being looking ahead to better times, ie the grass is greener syndrome, rather than making every single second of every single moment count. After all, all these seconds and moments make up what we call the overall sum of our lives!
Yes, those dangling carrots, are indeed a thing of looking outside ourselves and thoughts about how you should be. And not what you are or feel in your body that you are. I can feel them a lot in my daily life, everything that I think I will need to be something I am not, will bring me out of myself, but when I then feel who I truly am I know I don’t have to be that.
Yes, those dangling carrots, are indeed a thing of looking outside ourselves and thoughts about how you should be. And not what you are or feel in your body that you are.
I can relate very much here to these dangling carrots and the never ending treadmill of driving myself chasing these goals always in the belief that somehow what I did would make me feel complete. I still get caught in this trap sometimes but I have learnt more recently that if I stop and connect to my body and just be me, the need to set these goals disappears.
When we search outside of ourselves for the answers or things to make us feel good we are satisfied for a moment, but they never seem enough and that feeling of emptiness or that there is more soon returns for us to then go in search of the next shiny object that seems like it will deliver us what it is to be fulfilled. After years of driving myself, and striving and trying to be more, do more, have more, I felt completely lost and devastated that what I thought would make me happy simple left me flat and dejected. It was only after and through the work of Serge Benhayon that I realised what I was looking for was inside me all along – me and my own love. Once I could connect to this, those carrots didn’t look so tasty after all.
Hi Raegan, opting for what my head tells me is so very familiar, a game I’ve played all my life and still do play! Overriding the wisdom the body shares with me in favour of knowledge laced with ideals and beliefs. A crazy way to behave and harming to myself and everyone around me. Thankfully at least I recognise now this is a game I play so I can catch myself as I’m about to throw the dice and choose differently!
I can relate to the dangling of carrots as well Abby, it is like there is always something or someone wanting us to move onto the next thing, or to do better and in doing so never stop to appreciate what we have done or are doing. For me the lack of feeling content brings with it an anxiousness, that I am not enough or I could be doing more.
I love reading your article Raegan, I get something different from it each time, thank you.
I agree Natalie, I also get something different another perspective each time I read Raegans article. I used to always chase carrots, with thoughts of when I have this or have ticked this box I will be complete and can then stop. But then when I did that there was always at least another carrot, if not more, waiting for me to strive towards. It is extremely freeing to stop chasing the carrot(s) and actually let my body stop, rest and be content with where I am. Then when the carrots come up I now do not find myself chasing them so much as I can feel the raciness and anxiousness levels building in my body when I do and so realise that something isn’t quite right.
Dangling carrots is a great description – I can really relate to it! And also how very practical and simple the tools are that Serge Benhayon presents to help people re-connect back with themselves.
Over the past few years, being supported by many from Universal Medicine, I am starting to see that chasing those carrots is not normal. Before I never questioned it, that was life and that was that. Now I am starting to feel that when I am in that rushing and panic to achieve a million things at once (or so it appears at the time) that something is wrong. I may not know what at the time but from experiencing and seeing in others a different way to live, I have started to question ‘my life’.
How many carrots we actually put in front of ourselves is actually pretty astounding, you have given some great examples which only begins the list we compile on a daily basis. When we realise this is not necessary and we only need listen to our own bodies in each and every moment we give ourselves permission to truly enjoy life.
This really reminds me of how we put conditions on life and on ourselves to be better, to improve, to be perfect rather than to stop and cherish what we have. This drive to be better, thinner, happier surely comes from a self-loathing or a lack of self-worth, a discontentment with how we are at that present moment, which exposes it to not be a true way of life. It is great to hear you broke this cycle by introducing love for yourself.
Isn’t it great when we let the carrots drop! I discovered space and to allow things to unfold rather than chasing them. Oh joy.
Perfect piece of writing for me to read today Raegan. I got caught up in deleting emails. I could feel I needed to stop and I listened to my head over-ride that feeling with thoughts of “i’ll just get to that number”. Thank you for outing the dangling carrots.
Thank you Reagan, I have followed dangling carrots and have completely gone off track and can very much relate to what you have written here. It is beautiful to feel how those voices have lost their power in you and I celebrate with you in, “I have actually learnt to stop, feel and express in a loving and joyful way. I do this by by connecting with me first, listening to me first, and expressing from there. I have found a voice, a voice that is so loving and gentle yet strong and empowered. Yes, the voice I now listen to is me.”
I can relate to having my fair share of carrots and it is exhausting trying to keep up with them. Thank you Raegan.
It can be so easy to be hard on ourselves and not accept where we are in our life. I certainly have a fair few dangling carrots to look at. Thanks Raegan.
Isn’t it incredible how we can make ourselves so constantly busy, so we don’t actually stop and listen to our bodies.
Certainly a pattern I was very much caught in. And when going 100 mile an hr, I would feel guilty to rest.
But actually – that effects the quality I bring to other people, not just me!
It makes so much sense now.
Hi Raegan, I love the analogy of the dangling carrots, thanks for sharing.
Thank you Reagan. I can so relate to the dangling of carrots and things ahead thinking when I have that or reach that everything will be fine/great. In all of that I never then look at what’s happening now. For me it’s normally an anxiousness I feel and then think when I have x or y situation the anxiousness will somehow go!
Thank you Reagan for sharing, as I read your words I could totally relate to everything you are saying, but it was the first time I have felt the fact that I am on a treadmill. Until now I hadn’t realised that this behaviour was something I have done/am doing. What I got a sense of, for myself, is that all the goals I have are based on what I can do, not who I am. I think I can now understand why I hate sitting still and doing nothing! Your sentence “it has taken honesty and the ability to take responsibility for myself and my own healing..” is very true, and I have found by being honest and responsible for my own life I find more steadiness and less anxiousness within everyday.
Rae – love this, love you!
That was beautiful, Reagan, I really connected with your “dangling carrots” and the drive away from myself that kept me on the treadmill – and then to find a beautiful way that is simple and self-loving.
Thanks Raegan for sharing your story. I’ve never really thought about the dangling carrot but now that I do, I realise that I still have some dangling carrots of my own. I will ponder on those and see what is revealed for me. I am so inspired by your willingness to share, which gives me a great reflection.
Thank you Raegan for talking about unachievable goals and self-doubt voices. These are issues that have been driving me crazy and reading this great piece helps me see how these behaviours just set us up to keep us from feeling the amazingness of who we really are.
This sounds overly familiar! I find that even now that my awareness and my ability to listen to me have increased, I still at times get that ‘dangling carrots’ feeling.
Beautifully and simply expressed Raegan. I can feel the joy that is you now! Thank you for sharing.
I love your last paragraph – “I don’t live my life by looking at the dangling carrots anymore. I have actually learnt to stop, feel, and express in a loving and joyful way. I do this by connecting with me first, listening to me first, and expressing from there. I have found a voice, a voice that is so loving and gentle, yet strong and empowered. Yes, the voice I now listen to is ME!!”
Yes the voice I now listen to is ME! The voice is never telling complex stories, it gives me simplicity in every way.
Yes I also remember how I was fooled by the ‘dangling carrots” I created – anything would do for a distraction, so I didn’t see my choices. Then the pain and discomfort became so loud I had to look at my choices and thankfully I had the support from Universal Medicine and fellow students when exploring this new way of being. Thank you Raegan for the opportunity to reflect on this, while sharing with you.
Raegan, your blog’s title really drew me in… I wondered what I was going to be reading about for a moment! And when I read your post I recalled how many of those dangling carrots I used to reach out for. There’s a couple still there and your article illustrated how futile that approach to life is.
It’s time to release those remaining carrots and grate them into a lunchtime salad.
Rod, what to do if one doesn’t eat carrots. 😉
Dangling carrots have no calories.
Raegan, it was awesome reading how you have changed from living a very driven lifestyle with that loud and ever-nagging voice giving the orders, to listening to your own true voice ‘that is so loving and gentle, yet strong and empowered’. Lovely you now have time and space to savour each and every moment of your life.
A ‘voice’ that ‘doesn’t say much’….from what you write Mary, I can feel it’s power and presence. I too, have heard that quiet, harmonious, sometimes silent voice that comes when we still the mind and body, and it feels so good. I am going to remember what you have written here, and the feeling of that other voice when the voice of doubt and criticism is in overdrive in my head.
Raegan, awesome, so well said, so honest and true for you – amazing how much I can feel you in this as if you were right here next to me.
Raegan, I love how you say that the voice you are now listening to is ‘me’. You have written about this in such a clear way that enables the reader to see from ‘above’ (as it were), how by returning to you all those other voices just don’t have the space and the energy to dominate, and so they just fade away. That is so empowering and inspiring.
We don’t need a tribe of donkeys out there to eat up all the dangling carrots – we can just come back to the rich reality that we are and that does it!
I love the title of the article and love even more that the dangling carrots no longer exist the way they did before.