For the last 34 years I have been in a relationship with the same man. Our first two years together were quite harmonious and supportive… but then we got married. Once the contract was signed everything changed, and we started to live out the roles and expectations we had learnt from our individual perceptions and experiences. I became the responsible wife who organised our lives and he became the provider, even though we both worked full-time.
The playing of these roles was further reinforced when we became parents. Over time, and with the birth of seven (7) children, a wedge developed between us. From my perspective, I never truly felt supported and deeply resented that I was left to carry out most of the parenting and domestic organisation. From my husband’s perspective, he felt I should be grateful that he earned a reasonable living and did some jobs around the house.
My resentment resulted in my blaming my husband for his lack of support and withdrawing myself from him. In reaction to my rejection, he was either aggressive or totally withdrawn from the family. So a cycle developed with each of us protecting our hurts, which resulted in more hurt for ourselves and our children.
Just over three years ago, with some health issues presenting, I started seeing some Esoteric Practitioners and attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. In this period, I began to address how I invested in my role as a mother, and how I was the one who was not truly supporting me.
Slowly I began to take better care of myself, and essentially became more aware of my pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts. In the beginning, my husband found some of my self-loving choices hard to deal with and wanted me to stop attending Universal Medicine. This was definitely not helped by my judgment of his choices.
In the last year, the relationship has been less tense, but still there was no true commitment to develop true responsibility in the relationship. From my perspective, this was because I felt my husband was not willing to step up to what it meant to have a truly loving relationship (judgment and blame again). So I decided that I needed to end the relationship, which saw my husband reluctantly agreeing to move out.
This presented a level of sadness that surprised me. I discovered that I felt devastated that he appeared not willing to do whatever it took to address the wedge that had been created 30 years earlier.
With a new place rented, all the necessary purchases made, and one week to go before the separation, I had the amazing opportunity to speak to Serge Benhayon at a workshop. In this simple interaction, I got to feel how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman.
I came to feel that I truly loved my husband and that I was not truly opening to love due to not wanting to be hurt anymore. This had resulted in my husband feeling rejected by me in spite of all the changes I had made within myself.
After a deeply honest conversation with my husband, we decided to commit to developing our relationship, so he did not move out.
Each day since is offering me another opportunity to be more responsible for my choice to not close down to love in the face of the hurts that present. This is not always easy, as sometimes I want to avoid feeling the hurt and go back into my pattern of blame. There are even times when the old way of being seems like it will never truly change and the thought of separation feels like a welcome escape. When this presents I know I am in resistance, and that there is more hurt to be felt – which I know is my way forward to enable me to develop more love in our relationship.
In the end, I understand there are no guarantees as each of us needs to commit to our own responsibility to ourselves first, which then extends to the relationship.
I can honestly say that without speaking to Serge, my husband and I would have separated, as I did not want to take responsibility for my own choice to not be open to love. I understand that my commitment to the embracing of all that Serge presented allowed me to be truly honest about where I was in my relationship.
What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.
With a deeper awareness of true responsibility, I feel committed to claiming a deeper love within myself and sharing this with my husband, family and everyone I come into contact with. I cannot express enough the deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s continuous reminder – that life is about love.
by Sharon, Brisbane, Australia
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I’m always touched when someone shows they have the ability to back down, to be open to a different view point or appraoch… especially when that opens up a pathway to love and life.
Thank you Sharon for the reminder that before we look to blame others for anything we have to take a deep and honest look at ourselves.
Thank you Sharon, for this very open and honest sharing of your relationship and amazing transformation. It is clear to see just how damaging it is to live from pictures and ideals, in that it confines us and dictates that we must to live up to an expectation, instead of us living who we are and allow love to be what guides us to learn, grow and deepen our connection.
The expectation game is so crippling when we choose to push these ideals on ourselves or others.
Thank you Sharon. A beautiful and honest account of how broader awareness can be brought to the relationships we have.
This is great Sharon , truly you have taken the loving way out of the old relationship just wonderful .
The simple act of taking responsibility for ourselves and making decency and respect a non negotiable in our relationships (especially in our relationship with ourselves) can turn relationships around in miraculous ways.
Thank you Sharon. Your account of your relationship is a beautiful reminder of how a relationship is kept alive by our commitment to love first and foremost.
So true Vicky – there is no love in blame and without love we truly cannot grow.
My appreciation is deeply – simply because they offer us that which we equally are by leading living example.. No greater gift we can get as a reflection. Thank you Serge Benhayon and the whole Benhayon family for your shining blessing to my life. So I now shine too!
We do align to roles, ideals and beliefs when it comes to relationships, I am sure what you have described here Sharon is a lived experience for many women. But what you have changed and transformed in your life and relationship is truly amazing.
Amazing blog Sharon. You have me wondering how many relationships could be completely transformed if we simply took responsibility for supporting ourselves.
This blog is lovely to read Sharon and very inspiring, great how you built your self responsibility and love much deeper.
Blaming another so we can avoid our hurts and responsibility is so common and devastating in our society, ‘I began to take better care of myself, and essentially became more aware of my pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts.’ With awareness we can make different choices.
Very beautiful Sharon, it can be such a subtle thing when we hold another to ransom by blaming them for what is in fact a dynamic. The honesty it took you to accept this and open up again to the relationship is very inspiring. It is a life-skill you will benefit from for the rest of time… as it applies in every relationship, not just with our chosen partners.
Each time I read this article, I am again reminded to let love in. This is something that I will never tire of reading, accepting forever deeper the love that is there for me each and every day.
Beautiful Leigh. Many people spend their whole lives looking for love when love is available to anyone that chooses to let it in.
The roles we play in life don’t help us at all, but we seem to prefer the roles rather than walking as who we are. The irony is once we start walking as who we are we realise the roles could never give us what we were looking for.
A beautiful confirmation of how Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine can support married people with families to find a deeper level of love in their relationships.
Resentment and responsibility do not mix. We get to choose one or the other. Two different ways of moving through life.
An inspiring tale of taking responsibility and the amazing results that are possible.
Blaming another and not dealing with your hurts creates more hurt. This in turn creates a World with withdrawn and disconnected people not knowing and covering up who they are. This becomes normal with choices being made from the protection and not from who you really are.
This is a beautiful love story, in the sense of opening up to the love that we feel deep inside and not to be distracted by the obstacles that we have created to cope with life.
This is beautiful Sharon and hugely inspiring. When we make life about love, our relationships will reflect this and life is then a joyous journey of forever deepening this.
A simple and beautiful example of how Serge Benhayon actually unites in truth, contrary to rumour and internet trolls, and how this beautiful article is an example of this for all of the world to read.
You know there have been many vicious and defaming lies with regards to Serge Benhayon particularly about how he is responsible for breaking up families. Your experience plus mine (i did not speak with my family for 2 years and it was down to just one conversation with Serge that supported me in getting back in touch with them again .. actually one sentence from Serge!) and many others show in fact the complete opposite. Also another person cannot be responsible for breaking up families as this comes down to each individual and whether we are willing to deal with our hurts, resentment, anger or frustration or not.
Such a super supportive and powerful blog around relationships you have shared here Sharon. Too often we want to stay stuck in our hurts and keep blaming others as a way to protect ourselves – when we choose this we are really hurting ourselves further and taking steps further away from love. Your blog is a beautiful reminder to let go of old hurts and to keep choosing love and to feel the magic and joy this choice can bring.
‘In this simple interaction, I got to feel how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman.’ Our true responsibility as women… I’m not entirely sure what you’re referring to here Sharon for yourself but I know from experience that my own deeper opening to love required me to drop any need to continue asserting my ‘hard won’ independence. Not to head down the other end of the spectrum to doormat status, but to accept the fact that I could be truly cherished, cared for and supported.
Great save, especially with seven children in tow. Imagine that we are the role models for our children. Actually I take that back, a little dramatic I guess considering I could just delete the lines I’m typing but here it goes. Don’t “imagine” we are the role models for our children and others around us. Forget the rock stars, movie stars and sports stars, they all have a place but when it comes to every day it’s who you see the most of that you role model on, so how do you allow yourself to be seen? What this article presents is very personal to us and not allowing us to push something onto someone else. As was the case with the woman writing this article she was pushing to get something from her husband and willing to put their entire relationship on hold or actually out the door to get it. Enter responsibility, true responsibility in the form of Serge Benhayon and the way he lives allows her to see almost instantly what she has been doing. He didn’t tell her but more supported her to move the push out of the way which allowed her to own what she was already seeing but couldn’t grab clearly. We push things onto others that are in fact a thing we do as an escape from the true responsibility we feel we are needing to bring to how we are. The relationship is always very personal, if we are blaming or expecting something to change so we feel better then it’s time to turn the blow torch on how we are. Nothing ever truly changes unless we make the change ourselves, otherwise all we are doing is making it better or bringing relief for a short time.
Beautiful Sharon. Blame in relationships is very common and can be an easy place to stay in the mud. Taking responsibility and looking at how we are is much more challenging – and offers much more healing.
Whilst it may not be easy, it is beautiful to feel that when both partners in a relationship commit to each other. With the first and foremost responsibility being the commitment to the relationship that each has with themselves. Knowing it is this very needed foundation that will support them.
What a gorgeous story of developing true responsibility and commitment; thank you Sharon for sharing your experiences and your wisdom; very inspirational
This is just what I needed to read thank you for sharing so openly about your marriage. It’s invaluable.
Thank you Sharon, so many gems in this… topped off by the reminder that ‘Life is about love’. And that is the responsibility of each person to restore and live their own love, not demand it from another before we are willing to go there ourselves. You’ve offered a great example of exactly that.
I can really relate to this as when I come across relationship issues now in every single situation bar none I have found that I have played a part in the situation, that it’s not solely mine or the others fault but if I take responsibility for my part then often the relationship opens up, and if it doesn’t then I know I still have a choice to carry on opening up to the love that I am or meeting the other at their measured level. Without perfection I am feeling how the measuring feels stifling and restrictive and opening up regardless feels more freeing for everyone.
I really enjoyed reading this Sharon and found it really awesome the process you have been through, where you developed so much introspection to see your own role in your marriage. I guess we all have parts of us that we bring to relationships that can cause reactions, where we could be more loving and understanding of another. Everything starts with us, and after all we can’t and should never attempt to control another, but what we can do is consider our own role in what plays out and if we are carrying any judgement or picture of how another should be.
I love the fact that although everything was in place for you and your husband to separate you did not just go with the fact that everything was in place but instead acted on what the new impulse was. So many people would just have gone ahead because it had been arranged. This is to me is responsibility, which is to keep responding to what is before us.
What an amazing gift it is to understand responsibility for ourselves in relationships. Whenever I reflect upon what I have learned from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine this is top of my list. My life changed when I understood that it is my responsibility to be the love I had been looking for in life, rather than seeking it in someone else. It is all very simple but deeply profound. Living the responsibility to be love rather than an ‘endless’ search of love in others, transforms our relationships from neediness to fullness of being and this simple shift is remarkable. There is no-one to blame – and in fact no need or desire to blame – but a willingness to accept ever deeper responsibility for being and living the love that is innate within us all. What a great way to live.
Its interesting and sad how we can loose sight of ourselves and the people we love and just function and become roles ‘I never truly felt supported and deeply resented that I was left to carry out most of the parenting and domestic organisation. From my husband’s perspective, he felt I should be grateful that he earned a reasonable living and did some jobs around the house.’ What made a harmonious relationship become this? Was it truly harmonious? It is great to hear that you finally addressed this and stopped blaming your husband … blaming others never works! Also another gorgeous testimony to Serge Benhayon in how he is there for others and in just a few sentences shared can help another see the truth about a situation ‘I can honestly say that without speaking to Serge, my husband and I would have separated, as I did not want to take responsibility for my own choice to not be open to love.’
I love how open and honest you are being in this blog. It indeed did take a major shift in perspective and you were open to that, which was needed. I can’t wait to integrate some of the wisdom in this blog. thank you for shairng.
The fact that we are the ones responsible for “letting love in” as it is presented here is the truth of self responsibility. What you share Sharon is ground breaking when we consider the constant breakdown of relationships in society and has the power to really change individual lives and family life for many.
Amazing honesty here Sharon. The willingness to be so honest with ourselves brings with it a level of responsibility that cannot be ignored. Blaming another for how we feel is a great example of irresponsible we often choose to be.
Expectations create pictures, or scenarios, and we then want these pictures to be the outcome in our lives, and the consequent frustration affects so many people.
One of the most revealing statements here is that when the roles were taken up, the conditioned responses and interaction that come from preconceived paradigms of one feels one should be rather then the way one is, then every thing went pear-shaped.
As soon as blame takes the stage it is pretty safe to say that we have chosen protection over remaining open, loving and taking responsibility for ourselves. This blog is a gem for anyone who is in or has been in relationships, which is everyone!
‘Once the contract was signed everything changed’. How interesting… so often when the deed is done we stop trying to evolve together and settle for an arrangement – kind of ‘that’s as far as I have to go’. When I say it out loud like that I can’t believe how given up that is, and at the same time its an energy I know so well in myself from numerous ‘contracts’ through life.
‘What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.’ I so understand what you are presenting here and it is very inspiring to see that you were able to stay with yourself and the love that you are to see this relationship through.
Wow Sharon your openness is amazing! You are really a true role model as you showed us what it meant to take true responsibility . . . it changed not only your relationship it also changed the world around you.
How often does it happen in relationships that through not looking after ourselves, we resent caring and attending to others. Resentment and bitterness comes from our own lack of self care and love. Change this relationship with ourselves and all our relationships change.
What Serge Benhayon presents so exquisitely is , quite simply, the cornerstone of how humanity can, if it chooses, start to build true relationships
This blog really demonstrates how it’s never too late to make a true and firm commitment, and that commitment can literally change everything around – I love it.
Everyday offers us a new day to be responsible – I love that – it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past, everyday is a new day and we can embrace it with a renewed responsibility.
What a great way sharing. The choice to live with honesty over ideals.
Thank you for sharing your story Sharon it was deeply touching to read. Relationships teach us so much about ourselves and when we are willing to really address our need to blame and judge others rather than take responsibility for our self we are so much more open to love. In the 37 years I have been married I feel I have experienced all you have written here except during our time we have lived separately on quite a few occasions and still are at the moment. These times living apart have allowed me to build the relationship with myself that was desperately lacking and greatly needed.
Often a lot of complication, abuse or disharmony that goes on in our relationships is in one way or another a reflection of where we need to go deeper in our relationship with our self, intimacy and letting people truly in.
Thank you Sharon for sharing this blog, I relate to it very well. I have been in a long term relationship for over 14 years and similar things comes up for me. I too often resort to blaming others for how I am feeling but now I realise I am often not willing to be loved due to past hurts. Realising this is great but learning to let my protective guards down isn’t always so easy. But a step at a time, I can chip away at these old habit, expectation, needed and belief within my protective wall to allow more love to be received and expressed. So, reading your blog is an awesome reminder to keep working through this and choose love more consistently.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your journey with self responsibility, very inspiring.
The ideals and beliefs we carry with us can be a heavy burden and obstacle to appreciating the true love that can blossom if we let go of our perceived hurts and judgments and open up to be all the love that we naturally are.
What an amazing and inspiring sharing Sharon. It can be challenging to take responsibility for the lack of love in our lives and it is clear that Serge Benhayon supported you to do this. It is ludicrous that the media attempted to paint Serge Benhayon as a man who destroys marriages when countless couples can attest to the fact that he has supported them to develop truly loving relationships with each other. A great relationship is not defined by the number of years together but by the quality we are with each other and Serge Benhayon has inspired thousands to commit to being truly loving with themselves and others.
Thankyou for your courage in sharing this. I too – many years ago – similarly held resentment against my then husband – and insights from Serge Benhayon enabled me to see it was I who had left the relationship emotionally first. Communicating honestly about how we feel is SO important, maybe especially more so after having children.
Sharon your blog is quite disarming, as it is so honest, raw and humbling in how you were prepared to share your personal details with all. It is clear that you were in an amazing place when you wrote this blog and I sincerely feel with all my being that if you were able to hold these qualities consistently in your life what a beacon of light you would be for all relationships.
When both people in a relationship make a commitment to go deeper, and to feel and own the hurts that are being held in the relationship, then evolution happens and this is amazing to feel. I know this because I have been there in my relationship- we have gone from stagnation to a true commitment to evolution. As you have shared, Sharon, opening up to love is the key.
A brilliant description of what can hamper and eventually destroy a relationship, captured beautifully in the metaphor of the ‘expectations and roles round-about’ that comes from the many illusory images we all try to live up to and out
How revealing it is to understand that we carry our hurts and conceptions and beliefs about relationships on and on, like a virus, that just goes from host to host, until we start to take full responsibility for our selves our actions and our choices and really start to heal
I too have been greatly inspired by Serge Benhayon and have learned that when ever a relationship seems to not work I need to look at what I am contributing to making it work – have I given it all I can or am I expecting the other to do it all, whilst I try to stay in my comfort?
Wow – this is the difference between a relationship that works and a relationship that breaks apart – it’s the willingness and commitment to always work at it and go deeper and learn about life together. I love it!
I just met a beautiful man and this blog deeply inspires me. I can see where I go into old patterns where I don’t want to get hurt and this is just wonderful to observe. I am being invited to open up more and where I have left off in my last relationship. And boy am I opening up…I feel quite naked but the beauty is, I am not naked, I am just more open to love. Every day a little bit more….
My cycle of going from partner to partner changed when I met Serge Benhayon and began to understand my part in that cycle, of blaming others or situations as Sharon has so well expressed. I am now in a very solid relationship and married to my wife and feel how much potential there is in opening up even more to love everyday. I know that this would not be and that cycle of changing partners would not have ceased if it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon and the very real and practical wisdom he presents.
Just imagine… Breaking the cycle of recreating and repeating our hurts in our relationships, and understanding our self enough so that we can enter into a relationship fresh and clear and understanding the true beauty of ourselves and each other.
Beautifully said True Gem. The blame trap is such a great way to avoid taking responsibility and missing out on the true learning that comes from our experiences. When we step out of the blame game we get to see our responsibility and address that rather than focus all of our energy on another and what they are or are not choosing.
A great sharing, revealing just how easy it is to get caught in the blame trap when in fact it’s our very own hurts that are getting in the way of expressing and receiving love.
A beautiful and honest sharing Sharon, it is interesting how holding onto our hurts stops us experiencing the very thing we all want – true love.
Really beautiful Sharon, so honest and full of responsibility. To truly and deeply feel the hurts that have built up over such a long time is huge and not something we easily want to do. Having a conversation with Serge Benhayon, a man who is constantly accused of breaking up marriages (none of which is true), but you story is testament to the fact that any relationship is about responsibility and choices. You spoke with him, he made it about love, for you and your husband and you made a choice to be more love, which resulted in you ‘staying’ in the relationship. Amazing and very inspiring.
I agree Luke. Self-awareness and self honesty are so important in any relationship. One question I like to ask myself is ‘am I bringing what is needed to this relationship or am I waiting for another to do so’. This always turns it back to me and my responsibility.
Very wise question to ask one’s self, thank you Vicky. ❤
I love this question, thank you Vicky. The moment we are waiting for the other to do or be something, why not do or be it ourselves?
I love this question too, and often if I ask myself that in a situation where there is tension or conflict, the honest answer is no, I’m not bringing everything I could to the relationship. It helps shift the momentum of blame, and helps me commit to taking more responsibility for my part in relationships.
Thank you Sharon for your honest sharing that I can take much from. Looking back at my own failed marriage I can see clearly now my part in this, since being part of Universal Medicine, and listening to the Presentations on relationships by Serge Benhayon. If only we had this knowledge and wisdom before being in relationship with another, as those who have access to this learning now have, making for some truly strong relationships.
Thanks Sharon for your honesty and sharing. I wonder how often our behaviours and thoughts are driven from the desire to protect ourselves from looking closely at ourselves and our hurts. Clearly, we can live for years under an illusion that how we see things is the way it is, when in fact its just a distraction from the truth of a situation. It highlights to me just how huge the topic of self responsibility actually is.
I find it fascinating how relationships have so many layers to them. On the surface it may look very clear and it’s easy to blame others for the part they play or aren’t playing when the going gets tough. Yet what you have highlighted here with your blog Sharon is that the huge, but essential, starting point is to stop and honestly look for the blind spots we individually have that are contributing to the situation. Well worth a few re-reads as there is much to reflect on here – thank you!
“With a deeper awareness of true responsibility, I feel committed to claiming a deeper love within myself and sharing this with my husband, family and everyone I come into contact with.” Thankyou for your honest sharing Sharon. Committing to ourselves is so important and then we can share this with others. Regardless of whether we stay or leave a relationship, we need to heal, otherwise we just take the same issues onwards in our lives – to the next relationship or they can resurface in the same one.
Sharon, a very honest blog. It’s hard to admit sometimes that we hold back our love because of the old hurts that we hold on to. When we drop into old habits, it’s a sure sign that something needs looking at.
Thank you Sharon for this you have shared. I have found too, as soon as we go into blame of another, then we are missing the opportunity to see to the deepest level, our responsibility and our part in the equation. The more we can honestly seek to understand what has been presented to us, the greater awareness is there for us and thus a choice, and a huge potential to discard that within us that is not loving and does not serve. I am beginning to learn the freedom this brings and the space to then allow a greater form of Love in.
This is a beautiful reminder of how important it is to be fully honest and true to yourself before projecting that onto another as being their issue. No true healing can ever occur when we do this.
All those hurts, all those roles that are played which stop people being able to love and let live, honour the beautiful deep woman or tender man on the inside ~ you share this so beautifully Sharon.
We bring so many hurts and expectations to all our relationships, that really, we should expect to say… New relationship equals full-time counselling… or…! We do a few courses with Serge Benhayon, stabbed to know who we truly are, feel and start to heal those age-old hurts, and finally… Finally start to have the true relationship based on the profound and true love that is in us all.
This is gold for me right now Sharon and it makes sense how we get stuck into the roles and expectations.
Having spent many years of our married life not speaking up to each other and holding onto our resentments, we found it a bit daunting at first but gradually it has become easier and for the best part we don’t take it personally, maybe because of the way it has been said. This does give us a platform of honesty whereby we can now point out to each other when an old pattern comes up, without worrying about being rejected and if there is a reaction that’s ok also.
A truly courageous blog, stating where you’re at with yourself and your marriage when the outcome is all to play for. Blame and judgment are real killers in any relationship but this line grabbed me – ‘…there is more hurt to be felt – which I know is my way forward to enable me to develop more love in our relationship’. A real testament to the level of responsibility and love you have committed to.
You’re right ~ it is a truly courageous blog. Honesty is such a powerful tool in any and all relationships and Sharon’s honesty allows the best kind of healing.
How awesome Sharon that you were able to feel and receive the words of Serge Benhayon and take that to your relationship. I find your courage and commitment truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
Sharon, you are so awesome and what you have presented resonates with me all the way. I was also in the husband blame game and have come to realise that it is me who is not being responsible and loving to me. I would react (and still do occasionally) to him when I was actually not in a loving place with myself. I have observed that when i am in a loving place with me it allows him to be more loving with himself as there is no expectation. Expectation and reaction are so destructive in a relationship. We are both so much more aware now and do not allow ourselves to go into this dark place of discontent and disharmony anymore. Thank you Sharon.
Thank you for sharing your deeply inspirational story Sharon and the turning point in your relationship when you recognised that your blame and judgement of your husband was covering up ‘how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman’. Being willing to take responsibility for myself and my contraction due to my hurts has been life changing for me but is not always easy and I can feel how often I still revert to blaming when I am feeling overwhelmed by life. Eternal thanks to Serge Benhayon for me now being able to recognise that I have a choice and I am the only one that can take responsibility for opening up to being truly loved by myself and others.
This is deeply touching, what you share here about your life and the relationship to your husband (being parents to seven children) – and the awesome turn around for yourself and for you both, to realize that you were to opening up to be truly loved. How blessing this moment of awareness was – and how twisted can our own reception of our lifes and beloved others can be, stuck to certain beliefs due to protection, instead of the committing to love. Your change and commitment is truly inspiring.
What is presented in the press about Serge Benhayon is the exact opposite of the truth. Serge makes life all about love, people and relationships and has supported many people to commit to this same love within and with others. Your commitment to love, Sharon & Ariel, is inspirational.
“Each of us needs to commit to our own responsibility to ourselves first, which then extends to the relationship” – This is absolutely inspiring. Thank you, Sharon, for sharing your story.
What an honest story Sharon, and your words here so universally true: “What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived” – this just shows the futile position of protection (because we still get hurt and as a result therefore aren’t being ‘protected’ from anything), and the beauty that can be when we look at the hurts. That there is love, and always was.
The details you share here Sharon are a blessing for every family and relationship if those involved choose to see the part we all play in letting these ‘roles’ get in the way. In these times of high divorce rates, its amazing and groundbreaking to read how you found a new way and made your relationship all about love.
Sharon this is really gorgeous and revealing. Committing to ourselves and staying open to love and expressing this is not something often spoken of as a responsibility to live. I am seeing the responsibility more in my life and how the effect of my openness or lack of it will have on others around me. It is beautiful to hear of your commitment Sharon to yourself and connecting to the truth of the situations that arise before the hurts. This for me has been key in healing my hurts rather than protecting or burying them. Thank you.
“In this simple interaction, I got to feel how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman.” What you say here is huge and I can relate to this. Truly opening to be loved in full and to allow myself to love in full the man I deeply adore is a work in progress, but the more I let love in, the easier it gets. It is true it is all about accepting love and not about the issues and hurts that are there.
If we put pain and hurts before True Love then we are closing our hearts to ourselves our partners and humanity. I am sure most divorces actually happen from this, and all is required is a choice to open our hearts to love again.
Thank you Sharon for sharing , I am inspired to open up to not only my own love but to the love my husband has for me, and stop protecting my hurts.
What I love so much about Serge Benhayon is that he never gives instructions or talks in terms of right or wrong decisions. He beholds us in love and truth and lets us choose, patiently so.
Awesome sharing Sharon. It is so easy to blame the other and judge them for not fulfilling what we are expecting them to fulfill, instead of embracing love for ourselves and opening up for true intimacy.
This is true. We often get into running away from, or pushing away, a situation when it is not working how we would like it to. It is inevitable that we later meet the same situation again and again, until we have deepened our love and understanding and our willingness to work with humanity, warts n’ all.
A beautiful sharing Sharon. It’s inspiring to read of your commitment to deepening the relationship with your husband.
Wow Sharon! Your blog made very clear to me that the relationships we are able to establish with others are not but a reflection and an extension of the relationship with are able to establish with ourselves. That is why an unloving (or not totally loving) relationship with another one is such a pain! It offers a vivid reflection of where you are not able to go regarding yourself. Ouch!
This was just beautiful to read Sharon. It was an honor to be given a glimpse into your relationship and your commitment to take responsibility for yourself and your hurts and making life about love – a lesson for us all.
Sharon, what you and your husband did brought tears to my eyes.
Well done.
What a phrase. “Once the contract was signed everything changed”. How revealing to what happens in a relationship, and mine has been no different. Its so easy to blame the other person, but what about taking responsibility for my part (part 1), and actually telling the other person how I’m truly feeling (part 2).
You commitment and dedication to deepening your awareness to the true responsibility that you hold as a woman in truly inspiring Sharon. Thank you for openly and honestly sharing your amazing transformation – a beautiful example and reminder ‘that life is about love.’
I loved your bog, it made me laugh as well, because I can so relate to it. It just makes me realize how much there is to learn for all of us when it comes to relationships and that we don’t really learn what it truly means to relate with others. The blaming by the way is a big one, it can be very subtle and cunning, fooling myself that I am not blaming anybody, but in fact I am..
Dear Sharon, everything you write here is a true gift to me just now, and I thank you deeply for you sharing.
What a blog thank you Sharon for sharing your story, what an inspiration you are , taking responsibility for your choices and not waiting for love to come but making loving choices, stepping up and living that love offering it to your husband to step up to lovingly. What man could deny such love?
Thank you so much for sharing this deeply personal account of your marriage.
It shows how easily we can let a basic principle of being open and communicating, become something that can really hurt us.
Taking responsibility for how we are in a relationship at every second is something I too have learnt from Serge Benhayon. It isn’t a case of putting our feet up, it is a case of being loving and honest with each other all the time. I love that your relationship now is founded on connecting with yourselves and each other – what a beautiful transformation and re-claiming of how much love there is.
Thank you Sharon for such an inspiring blog – I very much relate to your comment ‘I was not truly opening to love due to not wanting to be hurt anymore’ – this extends to our relationships with everyone. I’ve recently been feeling how I measure how open I am with different people based on the potential I have to being hurt… but ultimately that means I’m saying no to love. From reading this I could feel that choosing love is about my commitment and responsibility to myself as much as to others… and that being hurt by another doesn’t hurt as much as being shut down in myself.
Sharon, a few years ago I had my bags all packed and was ready to go. When I sat and talked to my husband as I was about to leave, I said the exact same words as I had said to my previous husband 19 years earlier. I stopped in my tracks. I asked myself did I want to be doing this again in another 19 years or was I going to take responsibility for my part in our relationship. For the next 2 days we talked and cried and made a committment to choosing to be in a loving relationship. Since then we have been unfolding a more loving way off being together. Appreciating how far we have come and the choices we have made and are still making each day. Forever unfolding .
Wow Sharon, thank you for this amazing blog.
It is so beautiful to feel that what seems difficult or problematic in our lives in fact is simply a mirror in front of us. A mirror to show us that we need to look at something within ourselves. Once we are willing to look into this mirror life can still be confronting, but above all there is so much ease and true change that life will become a true joy to live.
Wow Sharon this is a deeply inspirational blog and one that many could relate to. I know that once I started to be more responsible for my own life and self loving choices I stopped needing others to make life better for me. This transformed all my relationships and continues to deepen them every single day.
This is really inspiring Sharon, thankyou. I am going to look at where I may be shutting out allowing love in now from others and what hurts might be blocking this. I’m also going to celebrate how much more love I have in myself and do let in from others since I started my journey with Universal Medicine.
I feel what you are describing here, Sharon, is a very real scenario for many relationships. My relationship being one of them. I had gotten into such a habit of relating to my husband from reaction, hurt and resentment we just didn’t really connect any more (or very rarely connected). I was holding him at arms length all the time, not letting him get close to me. What shifted this for me was the realisation that the reaction, hurt and resentment I was feeling was in fact not about him, it was actually how I was feeling toward myself. With this realisation I could take responsibility for what I was feeling and with this understanding I could then start to dismantle it. This has changed my relationship enormously. I am now more loving with myself and in turn with my husband. I am much more committed to dealing with what I am feeling rather than putting it onto him. I am more responsible in how I am with myself and of course with him.
Operating from a point of reaction or hurt or resentment or any other point other than Love is not conducive to a healthy relationship and until I could say to myself the way I was behaving was not acceptable, I was caught in the vicious cycle and was going nowhere – certainly not towards a loving relationship built on mutual respect and trust.
Being personally responsible with ourselves is such an important step to building and being in a truly healthy relationship and I am finding there is always a deeper level to embrace which continues to deepen my relationship with myself and all those around me.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your story.
Robynjones11 what you have shared here is awesome. ‘ What shifted this for me was the realisation that the reaction, hurt and resentment I was feeling was in fact not about him, it was actually how I was feeling toward myself. ‘ being responsible to oursleves is the key and the beginning of true healing and building healthier relationships. Thank you.
Being responsible for ourselves in how we feel as well as what our part in life is rather than asking someone else to be, really takes the pressure off relationships. This has certainly been my experience.
That is amazing to hear that after you made all the preparations to move out, you deicided to give it another go to commit and to be open to being loved. Takes courage. I have had relationships that were ended by the partner and have found it much easier to not risk getting hurt and stay single. I am still healing but I am becoming more open to loving and being loved once again.
Takes an enormous commitment and dedication to let go of the blame, resentment, anger and hurt created during a long term relationship that was not based on love and to turn it around and begin again this time making it about love first. Your willingness to give it your all when truth is presented is an absolute inspiration for all.
Absolutely Mary-Louise .
This is an inspiration for us all.
So true Mary-Lousie, how many people blame the relationship and split up to look for love with another? This article really shows how a commitment to love and healing our own hurts can transform an existing relationship. We are really sold a lie that love is outside of us, and another supplies the “Happy Ever After”.
Well expressed Mary Louise- it is very hard to turn and change the game around, but it is definitely worth it to rebuild a relationship like that. It is a new beginning with every new relationship .
It has taken enormous commitment Marylouisemyers which continues to deepen every day. I recently have been able to open myself to even a greater level of love with my husband after letting go of more of my hurts with the continued life-changing support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Sharon this blog is so inspirational and something that many of us can relate to. Blaming others and holding onto hurts. And now here you have shared that you have deepened your committment with your husband. It’s beautiful. Thanks for sharing and thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing the way. ✨
Sharon, your story of how you both made the commitment to each other to open up for love into the relationship, for yourselves and for each other touched me deeply, deeply. And even a lot deeper than that. Thank you.
I love what you have shared here Sharon, so many couples are living out this cycle you describe. It has left me wondering.. am I afraid of letting in love too? How many times have I pointed the finger?
I can see how I’ve have stepped in the role of a mother and partner for my husband and all the expectations that are part of that as you have mentioned. As you also mentioned, resentment and blaming are next. A great turning point in my life was just as in yours, meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. Working at my patterns and behaviour, feeling the hurts underneath has been not easy and is still work in progress. To take full responsibility for me has made my life more loving in every relationship I have, which starts with my relationship with myself!
Sharon, this blog is a ‘discussion starter’ and ‘thought provoking’– shutting down from love from our partners when it’s actually there but we’re choosing not to feel it, not wanting to feel what hurts or how much something hurts, blaming our partners, the responsibility a woman holds, how women can reject men, loving ourselves – thank you for bringing all of this and more to awareness through your personal experience.
Wow this blog is so relevant to everyone. How many marriages or friendships or extended families are damaged and then estranged due to this habit we have of pointing the finger elsewhere instead of pointing it fairly and squarely at ourselves and being honest enough to admit when we are hurt and to take some responsibility for dealing with it rather than waiting for those around us to change.
Wonderfully inspiring blog Sharon. I too had a lot of similarities in my relationship as well.
My resentment resulted in blaming my husband for his lack of support. In my rejection he totally withdrew from the family. Yet with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am learning more and more about my responsibilities in relationship to self and others, as well as learning to open up to true love.
Thank you Sharon for this beautiful sharing – Your words “the thought of separation feels like a welcome escape” I’ve felt that too in my 40 year relationship but I am now so much more aware that it all comes back to me committing to a deeper love within myself and taking responsibility. My old patterns of behaviour are gently changing and that I put down to attending presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
Wow, Sharon what an amazing reflection on responsibility within relationships you are offering. To acknowledge and deal our own hurts and not look for someone else to blame – that’s guaranteed to make big turnarounds in our lives.
This is such a beautiful reminder Sharon, ‘With a deeper awareness of true responsibility, I feel committed to claiming a deeper love within myself and sharing this with my husband, family and everyone I come into contact with’, thank you.
I read your blog a year or two ago Sharon and I found it amazing then, again reading it again now I feel the same thing. For me it has been a huge learning to “essentially became more aware of my pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts”. You say this so simply and yet it is a profound truth. And again how you know that you are in resistance to feeling your own hurts when the idea of separating seems like a welcome relief. How familiar is that old pattern in me too, and how rational that thought can appear, with all those good ‘reasons’ but thankfully, after a lot of work, that pattern is now on it’s way out. Thank you.
Thanks Sharon what an incredible blessing for you and your family, a blessing that you were open to hearing the truth and acting on it.
Beautiful sharing, I am learning everyday about relationships and taking responsibility. At some level I always believed that I took responsibility but I am learning more and more that I can take this level much deeper and that at the end of the day, everything comes back to me. Everything.
What touches me most is the honesty in which you write, Sharon. I know these moments of shutting down and blame. This is an inspirational insight to feel my own hurts in that moment. Thank you for your honesty.
this is truly inspiring Sharon. I am so joy filled to hear that you didn’t give up love with your husband and you decided to let him in again. How beautiful. Thank you Sharon.
Wow, the perfect blog for me right now. A great confirmation of my feelings. What a big journey we have created by shutting down to love, but so looking forward to the reopening.
“life is about love”. This is such a powerful and enriching statement. I loved reading this again. It is so inspiring to show that it is never too late to heal – it just requires the love and courage to be truly honest and truthful to look at and resolve the buried, unresolved hurts and to take responsibility for them rather than blaming others.
Thank you for sharing Sharon. I can see how blame comes into play to avoid taking responsibility and feeling our hurts.
So true, often the seemingly easy road is to blame the other, to avoid feeling that hurt, yet it’s a cul-de-sac as it takes us away from love, our own love and that of another. If we choose love ourselves first, then we can be that with another, without it there’s just hurt.
It is great to see how truth and love go together, and how when one takes responsibility and stops blaming the other person, love can be there as a natural way.
Responsibility all the way. The big R is the part we can all play that makes the difference between a relationship built to support and grow each other or the comfort of living with the ideals and pictures we play on each other.
This is great to re-read Sharon, I can relate to so much of this article, ‘What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.’ I will ponder on this, thank you.
Reading this again Sharon, makes me wonder how open to love I am within my own marriage. I feel I have laid my cards all out on the table, no holds barred yet there are still hurts, roles and expectations to work through, accepting that our love is changing its form from a more emotionally based relationship to one of true relationship. There’s so much to learn and grow within relationships of any sort, that although it can be difficult at times, I’m still amazed how quickly things turn around when I express from the heart my own love. Gracefully transforming difficult times (though not always so gracefully! Love will out!!) into a true way of living is what life is now about for me.
It is so easy to blame another or to expect them to be something else. I am struggling with this myself, and reading your incredibly open and honest blog is a huge support. It is a reminder for me to continue looking deeper at my responsibility in my relationship, to be open to love, committed to myself and to not keep letting the hurts get in the way. I really appreciate this sharing and thank you.
Your openness to share your story with us all provides a great opportunity to learn more about the responsibility we all have in all of our relationships. Much better to look at our own part than look to blame the other for what has gone before. Thanks, Sharon.
Thank you for sharing such a personal story, and how Serge Benhayon supported you to see that separation was not the answer.
Thank you Sharon, for sharing your story. I can relate to what you say about not taking true responsibility for your relationship. I too have been and continue to learn this one with the help of teachings delivered by Serge Behayon and Universal Medicine. I was very big on blame and not taking responsibility in relationship, but now I see very clearly when I start to feel this in my body – it is a signal that there is something I need to look at. It’s usually a sign that an old hurt is ready to be released from my body if I choose to feel it.
Beautifully inspiring. Thank you for sharing Sharon.
Wow, thank you so much for this blog. It really reminds me how quick we are to blame another person rather than consider the responsibility lies with us…. and that sometimes we are much too quick to give up on love!
Sharon, this is great – it’s all too easy to get caught up in your own feeling sorry for yourself and become some sort of a righteous nightmare in the home, constantly feeling sorry for yourself trying harder each day to be worthy of being loved. I know this one well, without 7 kids. The only trouble is that whilst being so consumed with yourself, like you say, you become totally unaware of the effect your behaviour has on the ones you love…. Once you take that responsibility, you get the wind back in your sails, you can see how things can change based on things you can take control of and so you’re not so helpless after all. It’s great you did this and saved your marriage!
Great blog Sharon, I loved reading it. Really it all does come back to us and our hurts and are we willing to drop them and let another see us, and for us to accept who they are and who we are too. What you say about escape is so true, I’ve seen this in myself many time where I want to run away from a job, or a relationship, somehow thinking that will deal with it – It never worked, ultimately it was about taking responsibility, dropping the blame and learning to let people in. And your blog is so open, there is no ideal about having to stay together but a commitment for each to be love to the best of their abilities at all times, truly inspiring, thank you.
Thank you for such an honest sharing of your journey. Blaming others is so easy to do to protect oneself from feeling unresolved hurts but it does not truly protect one, instead it just buries the hurts deeper.
Sharon. What an amazing transformation in your married life, and how you worked on the issues that were affecting your relationship with your husband. You are an inspiration to others whose relationships are rocky, they could learn so much from you and Universal Medicine.
Very inspiring Sharon and thank you for sharing and showing how if we are willing to work on our issues and commit to our relationships that love will blossom. The ‘pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts’ is so often the route we take instead of seeing our part to play in situations. It’s a way of avoiding our own responsibility and something I used to do all the time, prior to meeting Serge Benhayon and can still catch myself doing, especially when I am exposed for doing something that deep down I know does not feel right to me.
Thank you for sharing your very powerful story Sharon. The outcome is very uplifting,
considering so many similar relationships fall by the wayside these days.
By taking responsibility, you really managed to turn a hopeless situation completely
around.
I take your point Jonathan – so many of our ‘arrangements’ end in divorce, and really separation is the easy way out. Actually taking responsibility, working things out, finding true harmony – it all takes a deeper level of commitment than many are willing to give, but there is so much more learning through it.
Simply stunning blog, Felicity. It’s very inspiring how you have achieved a complete turnaround in your relationship by taking full responsibility for your choices and being willing to look at your deep hurts . By taking responsibility in this way and making it about love we have the potential to resolve any issue even if we feel it is too late, just as you have shown in this amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing.
“There are even times when the old way of being seems like it will never truly change and the thought of separation feels like a welcome escape. When this presents I know I am in resistance, and that there is more hurt to be felt – which I know is my way forward to enable me to develop more love in our relationship.”
I love the honesty you bring here. How often do we find ourselves in situations where there is an escape route waiting on the side, with the door just waiting to be opened. Yet the reality is that we never truly escape, it’s just a short term welcome relief until the situation comes back round in another form for us to deal with.
A very inspiring and open blog thank you for sharing.
Thank you Sharon for sharing and highlighting there is only Love and can be no blame. After leaving my marriage 10 years ago I still have moments when I am able to see the relationship we had and my ex-husband in a different light, to how I saw or thought things were at the time. This reveals more pockets of blame and I can let go of the hurt. Even though we stayed apart, as I have developed a love for myself, I can feel there is the opportunity and a responsibility to develop a loving relationship with him and his wife in a different way, and this is slowly happening. Inspiring read!
Sharon, having known you very briefly and intermittently over these years of your transformation from within, it is beautiful to read your situation in words and feel the power of your responsibility. It is incredible how with the loving support and awareness brought through by Serge Benhayon, you were and still are, able to open yourself up to true love for yourself, your husband, your children, and all those around you. The changes you have made are not only evident in your relationships but also in your natural vitality and the wisdom and power you now bring forth as a woman.
Thank you so much Sharon for this wonderful article. It was very timely; I think you may have just helped another marriage…!
Thank you for such an honest and touching sharing Sharon, I can relate to so much of what you have said even though I have no children and different details. I too have at times gone through painful struggles in my relationship and had Serge or Natalie Benhayon say something that helped me to connect to a deeper level of love in myself and then with my husband.
I have found that becoming more loving does not mean that everything in the garden is instantly rosy, as often past hurts gets exposed and need to be dealt with – but boy oh boy is it worth it, because as you say, life is about love and that is what matters.
Thank you Sharon for sharing your story – it shows us that a different scenario is possible. In 2009 I walked away from a 37 year marriage, angry and full of blame and judgement. It has taken me three years with a great deal of support from Serge and the Universal Medicine practitioners, to look at MY part in all of that and to begin to develop a love for myself that enables me to see my ex-husband in a different light. It’s so lovely when we begin to take responsibility for ourselves and to see that all that happens in our lives is a great reflection of where we are at. I am still learning – we are all ‘forever students’.
What a wonderful example of love and responsibility. Thank you Sharon for sharing your experience.
This is a wonderful article, thank you. I also felt the power of taking responsibility for being open to a love that lives within me first and is not bounded by the roles we so readily adopt. Add ours to the count of marriages saved by applying what we learn through universal medicine.
I relate a lot to your blog, Sharon. The ‘not truly opening to love due to not wanting to be hurt anymore’ resonates a lot. My marriage was on shaky ground but my introduction to the wise words of Serge has truly helped me see and feel what is true in life and in my relationship. We continue to learn how to love ourselves and others, and as a result, our marriage will most likely continue (understanding there are no guarantees).
Suzanneanderssen thank you for sharing the responsibility that goes with marriage and the reality that there are no guarantees and the investment that we still can hold that this is the only way it can be.
Sharon, I felt your writing so open. Thank you for sharing your experience in relationship. It is not always easy to feel what we have invested in and how that hurts us, and certainly from my experience it has always been easier to blame and avoid the responsibility. It’s great that you and your husband are now working together in building more love and responsibility within yourselves and bringing that to one another. There is so much opportunity for us to share more of our real experiences in relationships…
Sharon, I have found your willingness to take responsibility and your choice to let go of blame VERY inspiring. Thank you for your honesty.
A very powerful post Sharon. Making relationships about love, with truth and honesty, is not something most of the world ‘reflects’ back to us. Thank God for Serge Benhayon & Universal Medicine, and people such as yourself who show us the power of bringing such honesty, love and responsibility to a relationship. We have all, at times I’m sure, ‘wanted out’, feeling it would be easier – a relief even – to not have a certain person in our lives (whether partner, family member, friend…). But have we brought the depth of who we are to the relationship truly, and what are we protecting if we don’t do so? Thank you for so candidly sharing how it’s been and continues to be for you – absolutely inspiring.
Sharon, it is very inspiring to read how a few words of absolute truth expressed by Serge Benhayon has opened your eyes and heart to what is going on underneath, and behind your choices, beliefs and behaviours in your relationships. Thank you for sharing this so honestly and openly. Your deeper awareness of what love in living truly is, shines through your words.
I am deeply touched to be able to read how it has been for you to re-open to love. To see your part in it and to make true changes and give love the due chance to be in you and your relationship(s).
Wow Sharon, thanks so much for writing your story. It is this level of responsibility that is so required in relationships and has the power to completely change years of old patterns and long harboured hurts. This is so inspiring. Of course as you say, there are no guarantees and this is not the end-point that needs to be reached. Perhaps eventually you might separate and perhaps you don’t, but when you are honest about the hurts you are bringing to the table and are willing to drop your guard, the relationship changes forever and deepens in love regardless of marital status. This is a huge healing. Thanks for sharing – this perspective benefits us all.
You took words out of my mouth Rebecca. You also made a great point how when we are honest about our hurts and willing to drop the shield, “the relationship changes forever and deepens in love regardless of marital status”. Awesome and truthful!
Brilliant blog Sharon and the subject I totally relate to – thank you.
Yes, this is an amazing blog – very honest and raw. As a ‘runner’ from relationships this pattern is not working anymore and continually now I am being pulled to look at what my role in any disharmonious situation is and how can I bring it back to Love. There is always Love in the end, at the base of any interaction between two people; it’s just whether we are both wiling to connect to and commit to interacting from that place, rather than the hurt. This is definitely a work in progress for me but one I am delighted to keep re-committing to.
Great point well raised here Rebecca. It is the level of responsibility prepared to be taken and examined that is tantamount in all relationships wether they be with a partner, family, friend, colleague or stranger. Nothing or no one deserves any less, but as you express the level of love for all deepens, and that is key regardless of the staus or the outcome.
Wow, what a turn around, there is incredible healing for me and many others in this post. Thanks very much for being so open. Felicity