For the last 34 years I have been in a relationship with the same man. Our first two years together were quite harmonious and supportive… but then we got married. Once the contract was signed everything changed, and we started to live out the roles and expectations we had learnt from our individual perceptions and experiences. I became the responsible wife who organised our lives and he became the provider, even though we both worked full-time.
The playing of these roles was further reinforced when we became parents. Over time, and with the birth of seven (7) children, a wedge developed between us. From my perspective, I never truly felt supported and deeply resented that I was left to carry out most of the parenting and domestic organisation. From my husband’s perspective, he felt I should be grateful that he earned a reasonable living and did some jobs around the house.
My resentment resulted in my blaming my husband for his lack of support and withdrawing myself from him. In reaction to my rejection, he was either aggressive or totally withdrawn from the family. So a cycle developed with each of us protecting our hurts, which resulted in more hurt for ourselves and our children.
Just over three years ago, with some health issues presenting, I started seeing some Esoteric Practitioners and attending workshops presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. In this period, I began to address how I invested in my role as a mother, and how I was the one who was not truly supporting me.
Slowly I began to take better care of myself, and essentially became more aware of my pattern of blaming another to avoid feeling my own hurts. In the beginning, my husband found some of my self-loving choices hard to deal with and wanted me to stop attending Universal Medicine. This was definitely not helped by my judgment of his choices.
In the last year, the relationship has been less tense, but still there was no true commitment to develop true responsibility in the relationship. From my perspective, this was because I felt my husband was not willing to step up to what it meant to have a truly loving relationship (judgment and blame again). So I decided that I needed to end the relationship, which saw my husband reluctantly agreeing to move out.
This presented a level of sadness that surprised me. I discovered that I felt devastated that he appeared not willing to do whatever it took to address the wedge that had been created 30 years earlier.
With a new place rented, all the necessary purchases made, and one week to go before the separation, I had the amazing opportunity to speak to Serge Benhayon at a workshop. In this simple interaction, I got to feel how I was the one not opening to being truly loved, and the true responsibility I held as a woman.
I came to feel that I truly loved my husband and that I was not truly opening to love due to not wanting to be hurt anymore. This had resulted in my husband feeling rejected by me in spite of all the changes I had made within myself.
After a deeply honest conversation with my husband, we decided to commit to developing our relationship, so he did not move out.
Each day since is offering me another opportunity to be more responsible for my choice to not close down to love in the face of the hurts that present. This is not always easy, as sometimes I want to avoid feeling the hurt and go back into my pattern of blame. There are even times when the old way of being seems like it will never truly change and the thought of separation feels like a welcome escape. When this presents I know I am in resistance, and that there is more hurt to be felt – which I know is my way forward to enable me to develop more love in our relationship.
In the end, I understand there are no guarantees as each of us needs to commit to our own responsibility to ourselves first, which then extends to the relationship.
I can honestly say that without speaking to Serge, my husband and I would have separated, as I did not want to take responsibility for my own choice to not be open to love. I understand that my commitment to the embracing of all that Serge presented allowed me to be truly honest about where I was in my relationship.
What was preventing me connecting to the truth that I truly loved my husband, was the hurt and resentment of the expectations and roles round-about we had bought into and lived.
With a deeper awareness of true responsibility, I feel committed to claiming a deeper love within myself and sharing this with my husband, family and everyone I come into contact with. I cannot express enough the deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s continuous reminder – that life is about love.
by Sharon, Brisbane, Australia