by Kim Olsen, Bachelor of Chemical Engineering, Salesperson, Warwick, Queensland, Australia
About three and a half years ago I felt to return to my home town and live at my mother’s house. It has been an interesting journey. She is now 85 and getting frailer and fuzzier with Alzheimer’s disease. When I arrived she had just had bowel cancer and was getting regular infections and bronchitis. Over the last two years I’ve taken over preparing the evening meal for us, as my mother hasn’t been coping well. It has always been a balancing act between encouraging my mother to do things for herself and doing things for her. She is happy for people to do everything for her. Although she is frailer and more forgetful, her general health has improved.
We have a difference in the way we live. For me it is a learning about being. Being who I am from my feelings, that for me is about being present to myself. For her, it seems to be about knowing, having and being seen (identified).
My observations with regards to my mother and her condition with Alzheimer’s include that she is, and has been always, focused on what others tell her, what is done and what is known (the Alzheimer’s seems to have made it more obvious). I have come to realise that for me, being is ‘it’ – nothing else really matters. The best thing I can do for her is to just be me when I am around her. Mum does not seem to understand this way of living, although she does seem to enjoy being around it. All I can do is meet her in each moment where she is at, and I feel that in some way she is taking it in.
Over the years I have started to see the coping patterns I have used which are part of the shield (i.e. the protection) I used to make sense of the world; for me this shield is something I have created as part of my way to cope in this world. Firstly it projects a ‘me’ that I had come to believe is the way to be seen by others and I have come to realise that the real me has been lost in this. It also uses chosen conditioned responses to react in each situation I have been faced with. In reality, I am not running the ship in this autopilot mode. As I have seen these ways of living that are not me, I have slowly let go of them; I have grown back into me. Many of these patterns I took on as a child have not served me well, so to return to the ‘scene of the crime’ where I took them on is an interesting part of the learning.
I took this shield with me into my relationships and saw myself, for example, mis-stating what I was feeling to get sympathy or identification. I began to stop and think ‘where did that come from?’ It is interesting now to experience a needy statement from my mother, see it for what it is and not get caught in the drama. It is also interesting to observe a behaviour or comment that I have let go of with an internal smile, recognising – ‘ah…that is where I got that from…’.
I never did quite understand much about emotional manipulation and emotional drama: although I tried to do it to fit in with partners I have had, I never quite got it. As a child, I can remember times of being in joy in my own space when simply being asked to go to the shop. I often did not move quickly because I was totally absorbed in what I was doing, and when my mother said that she would go, the emotional manipulation went over my head. It sounded like a good outcome to me… she and I were both getting what we wanted. I then recreated emotional manipulation and drama in my own relationships until I finally got it. I now feel both as needy, although in an accepting non-judging way, recognising that I too fell for those hooks.
So, to say it has been an interesting journey to ‘go back home’ is an understatement. To say it has been productive for all concerned fits into the same category. I feel I am certainly well equipped to be here. My mother would be in a nursing home now if I were not here: I am much more able to see things as they are, and not get caught up in the drama. My sister-in-law, who has done and does much for my mother, is certainly grateful for my sharing this responsibility, and freeing her from much that is difficult for her. What has supported me is learning from the Universal Medicine retreats that ‘I can be me anywhere, with anyone and all the time’, and I learned how to live that all-ways … in joy.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
It’s interesting to look at patterns that come from family, and to investigate how we have adapted to family dynamics and what we have chosen for ourselves. Then there is the bigger picture again of how our parents were parented, and what environment each generation grew up in (war, poverty, etc) and how these things were again brought into the family. Universal Medicine has supported me in developing this greater understanding instead of holding hurt, resentment or blame. This has been such a gift to help me unravel and heal family relationships and let go to simply be me.
Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is a reminder to stay present with every move we make and to be true to who we are.
Kim, I had a similar journey with my mother a couple of years ago. What you have expressed here ” Being who I am from my feelings, that for me is about being present to myself ” works with any situation we find ourselves in, in our daily lives, no matter what is going on around us.
Very few of us live life allowing others or the world to truly see who we are. We have learnt a multitude of faces to present depending on the setting, the day, the company etc etc if one we have perceived doesn’t work we can try another. All is about getting people to see something you want them to see. But what if this part of things doesn’t fit, what if ‘our’ way was to just allow ourselves to feel what was going on in front of us and then simply respond from there? What if life we weren’t meant to be perceived as anything but merely live from feeling each moment and then truly responding from that feeling. This for me is a way to always be ready to respond as it’s not a learnt face but a flexible approach to anything that is presented to you in life.
This is an inspiring and beautiful blog Kim. You remind me that home is within us and our connection to where we are truly from allows us to deeply connect with ourselves and others wherever we are.
How awesome to find joy in what can be a very stressful and challenging time, with or without alzheimers.
Beautiful insights Kim. It can be tempting to point the finger at another but we have a chance to evolve if we approach things with an openness and willingness to see the part we play.
Being ourselves in the world is a continual development that warms the heart and is touchingly real.
To bring what you are Kim to your mother is very beautiful, we do not take care of our elderly well at all, with many ending up in nursing homes eating food that does not support, and being handled daily by those who are under the pressure and strain of a system that is not supporting them. Understanding the impact of our interactions with one another is key, something Universal Medicine has presented and taught for many years. What you’ve shared is needed for our future, even though in truth it’s a return to something we fundamentally know to be true.
A great learning and opportunity to re-imprint old patterns and bring healing to those involved.
Being ourselves all the time is super important, and can make such a difference to those around. Letting go of our needs and judgements and just being love and giving another space and true understanding is magical.
It is incredible what our presence can do for others if we stay with ourselves. This has to be acknowledged and claimed.
Life can be lived simply allowing a natural flow with no emotional attachments. The best way forward is to live honestly in the moment.
How healing for both you and your Mother, Kim. And, the greatest gift in being able to simply be yourself and meet your mother in full, with her condition with Alzheimer’s.
“What has supported me is learning from the Universal Medicine retreats that ‘I can be me anywhere, with anyone and all the time’, and I learned how to live that all-ways … in joy”.
A brave step Kim, to return to home base… usually the seat of most of our hurts and traumas that we carry into our adult life, and great to bring clarity and healing.
I love the way you went back home and re-imprinted the relationship with your mother, when we let go of any judgments or hurts we make space for love and true service.
What a blessing for your Mum to have you care for her Kim; and from what I read from your blog a blessing for you also.
‘I can be me anywhere, with anyone and all the time’; what a powerful and inspirational lesson, thank you.
It seems you have made the situation you are in a great learning for yourself and your Mother Kim. To be so positive and loving in the caring role you are in is beautiful. Thank you Kim for your sharing.
Thank you Kim for this valuable sharing. There are many of us who could be in the same situations that you find yourself in and what you share here will be extremely helpful.
Life is very different when we see the reflections it offers us and we seek to understand them for our own growth and evolution. From this perspective, no day nor moment is wasted – there is always something to learn.
It is amazing how often we can go into old patterns of protection around certain people under the illusion that it will support us to cope better… however it is done so, as you have found, at the expense of the real us which gets buried under or tainted by the protective mask. How gorgeous that you have been able to face and address your choices and from that use awareness and understanding to let go of not only what is not you but to be able to see and honour another for where they are at too.
Our family relationships can be great big mirrors that reflect back to us our own behaviours and patterns and give us a huge opportunity (although I don’t always see it that way!) to heal and change the things that are holding us back and preventing us from growing.
Whether or not our parents are dying or ill, it feels important to ‘return to the scene of the crime’ as you put it Kim – we have all picked up many ideals and beliefs and behaviours and hurts from our families, especially our parents and it feels important to me to face these and to reimprint them, rather than just accept them as normal and believe that that is just how life is. Recently I have been feeling this for myself and how healing it is to develop and reimprint my relationship with my own parents – changing what I can feel are very old patterns of behaving and layers of protection I have held myself in for a long time.
I love here Kim how you have turned an experience which most people would find challenging and difficult and turned it into a beautiful opportunity for healing for both you and your mum.
I love the clarity you bring to things, how you observe and bring it back to you, how you see the same patterns in yourself or some you have let go of and with that you allow understanding guide your way.
The very fact that we can choose to hold others with tenderness and love, no matter their choices, exposes how much we do and say things, without first choosing how we want to be in our lives. A great article Kim, full of the wisdom of choice, and how a choice made for ourselves affects all interactions we have.
Just Be. Simple but not always easy. Many of us do like a good drama and these can be hard to let go of. But if we see life through understanding eyes then there is no judgement of the drama when it is chosen, and we are more simply able to see it for what it is.
I have observed my husband build a deeply loving relationship with his dad over the past couple of years, whilst his dad’s health and mental capacities have been declining and he has become a frail old man who needs a lot of support with his life. It is so beautiful to see today how their relationship has turned around to my husband becoming the caretaker and his dad moving back more and more into a child-like condition, but utterly accepting of his son caring for him ever so tenderly.
It can be quite eye opening to see the family patterns we have. To see these from a place of being present with ourselves and connected to our essence gives us an opportunity to truly discern what the patterns are, where they stem from (need etc), and whether such things are healthy or not. The simplicity of being ourselves can really expose clearly what we have taken on.
Thank you for the honest reflection Kim and the blessing of what this experience has brought to others. To be able to be present just as ‘you’ and observe the patterns that were once your life is a gift. Old repeating cycles that have been created to meet the expectations of a world setup on recognition, approval and reward has been exposed in this blog – thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you Kim for sharing so honestly about your experience with living with your Alzheimers mum. It is very inspiring how you could discover where most of your hurts started and how you deal with them now. It is really a journey back to your true inner you – wonderful.
This is such a gift Kim – to be able to return home with unblinkered eyes and to see the patterns of manipulation and our part in them.
Until we truly know our inner world , we cannot help but manipulate most people around us, in our jobs and even in our families…. It may be unconscious but its there.
How wonderful Kim, that by returning home to be with your mother that you have been offered so many reflections that have allowed you to understand you and your way of living a little bit more. I have found that it can be rather an “ouch” moment when we are shown where a behaviour or pattern that we have, has come from, but at the same time it is also a very healing moment, if we so choose it.
I have always found it interesting that when I return to a place or meet someone I have not seen for years you come back where you left of last time and then the development of the relationship/situation depends on how we handle ourselves this time round.
Providing support with nothing in returned expected, a very beautiful act to receive and give.
“I have come to realise that the real me has been lost in this.” This is a revealing insight of how when we lose connection to our true selves we may be heading for living with dementia. By returning to live with your mother you were able to observe the cause and choose to stay connected to who you are.
The moment we begin to protect ourselves from old hurts, we lose the connection to who we really are and it becomes all about not being vulnerable to feeling those hurts. Going back home to re-experience those moments and people that contributed to certain choices in the past is a truly powerful way to confront our demons and begin to make different choices that support our re-engagement with who we truly are.
There is much that we can all learn from your experience Kim thank you for this sharing.
It feels that in situations like yours or similar that this is a huge time of re-imprinting old patterns that do not serve any more. For you to be living your truth would be a major support and a healing for all.
People all have shields… Of varying degrees and intensity, but we all have them in a vain attempt to protect ourselves, but all they do is bury the hurts deeper and emphasise the separation which is the opposite, the direct opposite of the direction in which humanity should be heading.
Yes I too deeply appreciate what Kim is sharing here Helen. I am learning to not let the emotional dramas in family situations affect me by staying connected to myself and by choosing to not absorb but observe.
This is incredible Kim, to return home with a new level of understanding and of where your protective shield was introduced without judgement, resentment or guilt but a deep learning from observing and not absorbing what you witnessed and can see so clearly the situations for what they were. You are a true inspiration Kim for me when I return to my origins of where I first built my protective shield to know that the best protection of all is love and to choose not to react or absorb what is not loving but just to see it for what it is. To speak up about this without any emotions but with absolute truth.
This line Kim is so important: ‘The best thing I can do for her is to just be me.’ I’m learning that’s literally the best thing you can do for anyone, and if you live what you know is true that is enough, you don’t have to save anyone.
Dropping the shield, letting our guards down and letting people in for all they are and have chosen is our best way to be. When we put the blinders, the guards and all the protectors on we are never truly ourselves no matter how much we try to act like it.
A beautiful reminder Kim to be ourselves in whatever situation.
Whilst reading your blog I felt what a beautiful blessing for you and your Mum; thank you Kim for sharing your experiences and your wisdom.
To live me and share this with people who are not directly connected to Universal Medicine is very beautiful. It is confirming for myself and a blessing for the people I share life with.
Returning to any ‘scene of the crime’ inevitably brings up old patterns, beliefs and attitudes for us to review and if we choose, refresh and revise. It means we get to break through stuff that isn’t us but that we’ve been carrying around with us, playing out, perhaps since childhood – and brings a golden opportunity to move forward, being who we truly are, ‘me anywhere, with anyone and all the time’.
Great comment Cathy, I feel this would be very healing to return to a ‘scene of the crime’ and by choosing to stay connected with our essence, not to automatically fall back into repeating the same roles, old patterns and behaviours, instead bringing light to the scene.
I used to feel very sad and inadequate about the missed opportunities to truly connect with my mum in the last weeks of her life. I had gone back home to be with her and spent my time at her bedside in the hospital but I felt something was missing. I was unable to challenge the rigidity of the system back then and felt imposed upon by the rules that were quite different from what I knew in Australia. Although I did the best I could at the time the person I was then did not meet my mum the way I could today.
Beautifully expressed Kim and a lovely reminder we can be our true selves no matter where we go, then everyone gets an opportunity to feel something different and are free to choose a more loving way. I know for me learning to be totally myself with my family has been very empowering and exposing at times. Letting go of old patterns that keep our relationships stuck has been key to developing more true relationships in all areas of my life.
It is so easy to get pulled back into old relationship patterns when we return to a part of our lives that we have previously left. Kim I loved how you have shared that the secret is just to be you and to hold that. When we hold ourselves the old reactions are no longer present.
Yes, very well said Anne. There is an opportunity for me to return to a place like this middle of this year, but I am feeling a whole lot of anxiety around it. By reading this blog it has made me realise that by choosing to stay connected with myself and let go of the anxiety, I am then more able to stay present and be totally myself, therefore, become less affected by the dramas and emotional manipulation. I feel I have the power now to choose not to be sucked into the dramas and be drained of my energy but stand up and take responsibility for my part, express truth and observe only.
Mum has now moved on in a peace and love that she only felt in the last few months.
Such a great sharing about how to care for a family member simply by being yourself.
What a wonderful opportunity for learning and understanding yourself and your mother Kim and thank you for sharing about this. I love the line you wrote ‘I can be me anywhere, with anyone and all the time’. How beautiful to have arrived at that realization.
I had a spell living back with my mother for quite a period of time after decades away. I never planned it but I certainly will never regret it. It’s like walking back into the mould that made you and noticing starkly where it doesn’t fit anymore. It rubs on the skin and if you don’t take heed, you get a blister. It affords you both the opportunity to review and refresh and permits you to do this for yourself separately and as a couple, giving you the chance to make different choices for yourself and each other. It’s a great marker of growth, a self-reflecting mirror and true exposer of belief systems, Simply the best personal development trip you can both do if you’re willing – challenging, stretching but supremely liberating and bonding. Neither of us would have missed it for the world.
Cathy you describe the old behaviours we go into with family members so well, it’s like a mould that doesn’t fit, how amazing to notice it and start afresh, and totally change things around.
As my parents age I can see they are starting to need more and more support. It is confronting for both sides as I guess there are many things that we have tucked away, no go zones that might flare up in conflict – I can see that we are going to have another opportunity to have to find a way to deal with some of these issues as they become more dependent. pre Universal Medicine I would have been dreading it now I see it as a great opportunity perhaps a challenging and confronting one but a great one none the less.
Kim it is indeed an interesting journey to observe our patterns with our family. It’s also super freeing to let go of blame of thats the way we are and choose to live another way that is offered from Universal Medicine. From here we then can truly love and accept our family for where they are at in their own protections.
Kim it is beautiful how much you have learned to identify and heal the childhood hurts associated with your mother, and bring the real you back to her – a true gift from the heart.
Thank you for sharing your experience Kim of coming back to the family home and caring for your mother with Alzheimers. I imagine this would have been a difficult and trying time but a great gift for your mother to be in your presence and experiencing the deep love that you are.
It feels like your present situation has given you the gift of time for deep reflection and space to heal. Thank you for sharing with such honesty, Kim.
I like how you reflect and see where you have adopted some of your behaviours from that then played out throughout your life, and with that then can choose to change it. It shows how strong our parents might influence us and we simply take on some behaviours even though we might not want to.
Thank you Kim for sharing your story, and realising you can be you anywhere , anytime. A blessing to your Mother ,you being there.
Beautiful blog, very inspiring. Going back to where we have made the choice to leave ourselves and become something we are not, can be a very healing thing to do. To realize then that it has nothing to do with the place, but a choice we made ourselves. Like you say: i can be me anywhere.
Kim, awesome blog and title! I just stopped at this phrase: “We have a difference in the way we live. For me it is a learning about being. Being who I am from my feelings, that for me is about being present to myself. For her, it seems to be about knowing, having and being seen (identified).” What a great opportunity to understand and reimprint you got there! A true blessing!!
I have not mastered this yet, in particular with one of my relatives where I start off planning to just be me, but still get dragged into the drama, or the fight. There are other relationships where I am more stable and the quality of the conversation can be incredibly loving…. but this one in particular is such a challenge because I still have so many unresolved issues around them (so many buttons that still get pressed). A great blog to read for a bit of inspiration.
This was beautiful to read Kim. I loved what you wrote about being you anywhere, with anyone, all of the time and living that always. What you have learnt from returning home with this new way of being is truly gorgeous and obviously very healing for all involved…. It’s so lovely that you shared it.
Very powerful blog Kim – thank you. To be yourself, love, with your mother is a blessing for her and for you. A beautiful reflection of how the power of love, and remaining true to the love that we are brings support, understanding and tenderness to any situation.
I loved reading your blog Kim, thank you for sharing your experiences.
I was struck by your tenderness and gentleness towards your Mum and the welcomed support from your sister-in-law.
Dear Kim, I really loved how you invited everyone into your family life and how you were able to relate to your Mum and deeply understand both of you without any judgement.
Some great revelations here Kim, I really enjoyed what you shared. What you now offer your mother is such a beautiful reflection, how wonderful for her to have this support, nurturing and care.
When I moved back closer to my parents after so many years, I was determined to work on my relationship with them. It was never about playing a ‘good’ daughter, but just being me, and it has not always been easy, there are too many things that could trigger us (mostly me) back in to the old pattern. Seeing them as my equal brothers who have made their choices as best as they could (which may have ended up in the diseases and illnesses) and developing my understanding has been the key to re-imprinting our relationships.
Kim your ability to lovingly take responsibility while identifying patterns of behaviour that have not served you is truly inspiring. I was very moved reading this blog. The way you cared for your mother feels so beautiful and I can feel what a blessing you are to everyone that you meet.
It’s great to open the lid on the can of behaviours we don’t own. I really appreciate the line ‘I began to stop and think “where did that come from?”‘. More frequently than ever before, I tend to be asking the same questions and gradually can answer them in full, which is liberating. Thank you for sharing Kim.
It’s such a freedom Kim that you write of, being you anywhere, anytime. When we do that we bless both ourselves and each other – what a gift.
Great to read of the loving changes you have made to your life Kim, and how these supported you to see the bigger picture at play, when you returned to the scene of the crime.
Great article Kim. – “It is also interesting to observe a behaviour or comment that I have let go of with an internal smile, recognising – ‘ah…that is where I got that from…’.” – I can relate to this sentence very well.
A great level of understanding and appreciation can be attained when we take a step back and open up to seeing the bigger picture. It’s interesting how when we don’t, we become closed to seeing things for what they really are. A great example you gave is how initially you can see one behaviour as needy and another not, yet when you truly open yourself up, it becomes obvious that they both come from that same place.
Amazing how you were able to return to the ‘scene of the crime’ and see those situations and behaviors in a fresh light. That firm knowing of ‘this is who I am’ from the inside and being able to detach from the needs and emotions is inspiring.
Thanks Kim, gorgeous words on a topic that is hard for anyone to deal with. It’s great to see that you stepped in to help but did so on your own terms. Terms that were true to you and are true instead of the normal way. I completely agree with what you say about Universal Medicine.
Inspiring to read, and awesome to know that your main and only focus is to be you. We are taught from an early age, of the duty, the respect, the sympathy, etc – so many roles you could take on in such a situation. A great lesson and opportunity for you to hold this truth and a beautiful and true healing for your mother.
Not only being yourself Kim, but in the service of your Mum (and not being selfish). Its an inspiration, and an explanation of how to be with self, but not for self.
Thank you Kim for sharing so openly your journey with your mother. I recently nursed my mother as she came to terms with having cancer and now am learning more about being me as I visit my father, who has Alzheimers and is now in a loving care home, 3 hours from where I live. I am learning to do that journey with love!
The owner of the care home came to a presentation given by Serge Benhayon and we spent time sharing how we feel about allowing each person their choices. My father wants to die: he is 92 and misses my mother. We listen to him and do what we can to help him be where he is without judgement. He still has a great sense of humour and fun on his good days and his smile can light up the room. Without the help of Universal Medicine and Serge’s presentations, I would have been an emotional basket case, getting caught up in the dramas and emotional attachments which were so much a part of my childhood. I still have my moments of sadness, but now know when I am absorbing and not observing things and can gently bring myself back to me! I feel I am being given the gift of being able to finally be a loving daughter. It is a huge learning process. I am constantly being reminded to stay in the moment.
Life used to feel like a barrel rolling down the hill gathering momentum towards the place where it comes to a crashing stop. Now I can watch it – whereas in the past I would have been caught up in the out of control barrel. My family now includes my fellow students who are amazingly loving and supportive and are there to honestly reflect to me where I am and who I truly am – a big thanks to you all.
Awesome Lorraine.
There are many people caring for those with Alzheimers and this blog shares in a very simple way how important it is to focus on caring for the carer first. Kim your story shows the impact this is having on your Mother, probably much larger than is actually seen now.
Yes Laura, a great point raised here. Some say they develop a ‘thick skin’ and whilst I’ve never worked in this super challenging area of care, I’d say it is a matter of self caring and learning to not absorb more than anything. For numbing in whatever way we do, only hurts both parties more.
Self care in the care industry is absolutely essential to be able to work with out getting completely overwhelmed. It is such a simple tool, and is far from selfish as it has such an impact on all those around you including patients, colleagues and those outside of our working life. It makes a lot of sense that to truly be able to care for others, you must be able to do so for yourself first, and actually do so, not just talk about it.
Thank you Kim for your wonderful post. I particularly loved the part where you said “recognising – ‘ah… that is where I got that from…’” as I have my 84 year old mother staying with us over the Christmas break, and I too have noticed that. Not for blame but just a smile of recognition of how I was and how much I have changed with the help of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon’s talks and retreats… helping me to be the real me! Love it Kim.
It is truly beautiful, Kim, to feel how you “ask nothing” of your mother, that you are just being you. Very humbling, thank you.
That struck me too Victoria, it’s such an amazing feeling when you are ill and the people around you just love you without judging you, or wishing you were different. I find it allows a much deeper acceptance in myself, that introduces a much truer form of healing.
Yes, agreed Meg. And if we find ourselves imposing demands upon another (that are unreasonable), it is always worth a deeper look within, to assess where we may place unreasonable expectations and pressures upon ourselves, that we are then projecting outwardly. When we are driven by the seeking of certain outcomes in life, the most uncomfortable thing can be to be in the presence of someone who is not so…
Great observations and reflections – thanks for sharing your experiences Kim.
It is great that you are able to share with your mother all you are, simply by being you in her presence. I can think of no greater gift we could offer another.
I totally agree here. Give her your all, as for her and anyone, this is the greatest support we can offer.
Awesome, Kim! You have explained so many things most people have done in various forms and to different extents in childhood to cope and to try and make sense of what is going on around them. How lovely is it for your mother to have you back in her life, and for you to know “‘I can be me anywhere, with anyone and all the time’, and I learned how to live that all-ways… in joy”. WOW!
Thank you for the insight into how you share your life with someone that is suffering from Alzheimer’s…
Thank you Kim for sharing.
Kim, I’m inspired by your choice to go back home to help your mother. My mother died last year of what they think was a heart attack but she also had Alzheimer’s disease, and was at the stage where she was not in control of her bodily functions at all so needed a lot of care of which my father undertook. Upon reading your story I cried… cried when I realised I wasn’t brave enough to really throw myself into what was happening with my mother and take the opportunity to really know my mother from a deeper true place, and perhaps re-imprint some old patterns and ways of being that I thought were who I was and then acted out with her.
Running away from my responsibility to choose to live a truer version of myself, isn’t cutting it for me and it hasn’t been for a while now, and life has been starting to show me that on a regular basis these days. So thank you Kim – as your story has led me to an awareness that was there but ignored for too long… it’s time to really see the world/my world and choose to not hide away, stay with me and who I know myself to be, and go from there.
What an amazing opportunity to return to the family home and live with your mother, observing yourself and having an understanding of exactly what is going on. The other beautiful thing about this article is that it demonstrates that Universal Medicine encourages us to be living our lives wherever that may be, and to use its presentations to support this and those we may be around. It is a big job to care for someone with Alzheimer’s, as your sister-in-law knows. I also know as my grandmother lives in a locked ward with Alzheimer’s.
I care for my mother who has a terminal cancer. My siblings shared with me recently that they had observed how when I am around, mum becomes more gentle, tender, understanding and not so demanding, moody and at times even rude. They suggested that this could be because of how I am with her – gentle, patient and understanding. Sadly, I have not been like this before coming across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon’s teachings. On the contrary – if mum shouted I would shout back even louder, doors slamming, name calling, the lot. 😉 From personal experience, I now know that the behaviour of others towards us is hugely (if not completely) influenced by the way we are towards others.
Caring for sick elderly can be quite challenging – which my brother, my sister and I have been experiencing. I continue to keep reminding myself and my siblings that it is within us to influence how mum is with us especially during her illness, not by trying to change her (even if that were possible), but by focusing on how we are with ourselves and by taking even greater care of us so that we are better ‘equipped’ to attend to mum’s current, greater needs.
Yes Dragana, I feel it is great to meet and accept each person where they are at.
I agree Kim to meet and let someone in without our walls of protection seeking security and from there accept where they are at ,comes understanding and appreciation with great love for another person , we all seem to be doing our best where we are at.
Very interesting Dragana… a question of you staying steady and her coming to your level, rather than getting dragged into her drama. Its a lesson for us in every relationship.
I love what has been shared by draganabrown as well as simonwilliams8. Staying steady is the most loving level of support we bring to those we care for. It is this steadiness that supports them to not feel judged when they are dealing with the effects of illness and disease.
Your thought is very useful, you wrote: “I continue to keep reminding myself and my siblings that it is within us to influence how mum is with us especially during her illness, not by trying to change her (even if that were possible), but by focusing on how we are with ourselves and by taking even greater care of us so that we are better ‘equipped’ to attend to mum’s current, greater needs..” This should be taught e.g. at school – can you imagine how naturally nurturing and carrying we all would be . . . wunderbar (wonderful).
Awesome Dragana and Kim. To just be ourselves is key. This is a profound statement as I daily go deeper with its understanding and what it really means. Thank you both for all your have shared.
To not expect anything from them, and to just be with them is the way to go. If they are grumpy, rude or anything else it is then up to us to not take it personally or get ourselves in the way or take it personally. That part, the reaction, is our responsibility.
Very key point Rosie, it is up to us not to take another’s reaction personally. Without us reacting and feeding it they will get over it much faster. Life is so simple then… 💚
Inspiring to read accounts like these that are the opposite of the stress and burnout that many carers report.