When I was living in a very abusive relationship I let the fear of the unknown keep me captive in the relationship: I would rather have faced extreme abuse than take a step into the unknown, and end the relationship. Looking back several years later, this now seems crazy.
So, in this scenario I allowed fear to run a program of thoughts through my mind: it was this fear-based program that actually supported me in making the choice to live in a very unsafe manner by continuing on in the abusive relationship. From this experience and others, I have come to see that when we put a lot of time and energy into these thoughts, we can actually make it our physical reality by creating situations that support and prove the ideas/fears in our head to be physical facts. Now this is scary…
For years I lived in fear. The abusive relationship allowed me to foster and build on this fear in myself as a young adult, although looking back, I see fear was present many years before the abuse. There was a strong fear of not pleasing my parents and schoolteachers, there was a strong fear I was not the same as other kids/teens, there was a fear of God and my priest.
So what is this fear; why was I so attracted to it?
My feeling is that fear occurs because I have ideas of what is right and wrong in my head that I form from what others say and do. I then have even more ideas of the consequences that will occur if I cannot live up to these ideas. I feel I am attracted to these ideas so I do not have to feel what actually works for myself, and then to trust this. So, basically I feel fear is just a bunch of ideas that I have collected and given importance to, that keep me trapped into living life in a certain manner. An example is when another asks me to do something that does not feel right to me and I do it in the fear they will think less of me if I don’t: or I fear they will be angry with me because I am not in agreement with them. So I will choose to please another to win favour, rather than trust my own feelings. Another great example is how I chose to stay in a harmful relationship rather than take a step into the unknown, for fear I would not be able to survive.
It is awesome to realise this, because to break this vicious cycle all I have to do is to stop giving importance to these ideas, and the fear will have no platform. Over the years I have applied large doses of just this, and the difference within me now is huge. This fear no longer plays out in my daily life as I no longer choose to believe I am stupid or that I deserve to be harmed – because all I do when I give power to this fear, is harm myself and others. The big one for me is I no longer feel others have the right to own and control me. I used to accept others had this right; thinking they knew better than me, that I owed them because of past behaviours/occurrences, or because I had wronged them in the past.
Serge Benhayon commented a few years ago… “Toni, when I first met you, you were as timid as a little bird who was scared to look at anyone, now look at you”. So I am living proof that fear, no matter how life is playing out physically or emotionally, is in essence coming from ideas running around our head that we have the power to stop if we choose to, and seek the support when required. I found this support in Universal Medicine.
by TS
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Awesome to claim the changes you experienced, ‘I am living proof that fear, no matter how life is playing out physically or emotionally, is in essence coming from ideas running around our head that we have the power to stop if we choose to, and seek the support when required. I found this support in Universal Medicine.’
Thank you for sharing how you ended up in the abusive relationship due to the build up of your fears that boiled down to you feeling not good enough and that others had rights over you. The danger in not addressing our issues is that they will escalate as they did with you until you chose to confront them and build your self-worth to the point where you now choose to listen to your inner knowing rather than the fear based ideas that ruled your life for so long.
Helen it’s a great point about building our self worth and it’s relationship to stepping out of fear to trust our inner knowing. Fear essentially erodes our self worth to believe that we won’t be able to handle any change and instead should stay where we are and accept the abuse we are experiencing.
This is a fascinating insight into how fear can play out and dominate life. We hear and read about people who remain in a horrendous, abusive situation/relationship even though they are actually physically free to walk out, literally captivated by the fear that something even worse may happen if they dare try free themselves. And I can feel how this belief plays out in a very subtle and low grade also in many parts of our life, and how we compromise ourselves by not accepting the power of who we truly are.
Fumiyo it’s a study into how intelligences work, how we align ourselves to a certain way of thinking and seeing the world, such as your example of fear and not feeling safe to walk out of abuse. Based on that intelligence it is what we think life is, but it’s actually only a shadow cast over us. It’s a bit like the flat earth theory, people thought that was it and based their lives around that, and it seems ludicrous looking at it from the outside, but when you’re inside those intelligences the shadow they cast seems quite real.
When we start to feel a deep heaven within us, we realise that everything we need to deepen that is already inside us. So much of fear is about how others can affect us, take things away, damage us etc. Yet if the kingdom of God is inside this reduces their influence to others.
There is a great line from the recent Robin Hood film about how powerful fear is and the suggestion ‘that is why Christianity invented Hell’. It certainly made me stop for a moment and consider the hold fear has over us.
Absolutely Simon Robin Hood 2018 produced by Otto Bathurst definitely highlighted the corruption of the church along with the insidious greed to control people so they could feather their own nest.
We can only break that which is holding us back from our truth by our own will. I love this power.
Agreed Danna, and True power is an energy we reflect to everyone and is felt by all those around us in the most non-abusive ways.
“When I was living in a very abusive relationship I let the fear of the unknown keep me captive in the relationship”. In truth, it is not fear to the unknown that keeps us moving but our very known & familiar patterns of movements that keep us there.
Your sharing is the confirmation of what you and others are capable of by connecting back to themselves and making more self-loving choices. The power of honouring yourself is beyond words.
The powerful message I get from what you have shared is that when we dishonour our connection to our love, our Soul, who we are, we are left with the un-knowing of who we are and the power we innately are. Our greatest strength is in being who we are, in connection to our love where our Soul is our truest guide in which we are never ever alone.
It certainly is Carola, and it is when we disconnect from who we are that we allow an ill energy to run us. If we have done this for lifetimes it can be deceiving and we are lead to think that this is who we are, fear, anxiety, depressed, abusive, etc. but the truth is we are all divine beings, deeply loving and powerful Sons of God.
What we say yes to is a matter of great concern to all of us.
Beautiful to read how you discovered the support in Universal Medicine. Because with true and unending support, perhaps the control of fear really does start to see its own end.
That’s the deceptive thing with comfort, even when we know it is not loving for us to continue a particular behaviour or stay in a particular situation we stay marking time and keep the status quo – instead of stepping up to the opportunity of change which may be uncomfortable because its new, but ultimately much more loving for us. The sooner we all wake up to this fact the sooner we can collectively correct alot of our miseries we have tolerated so long we think they are normal.
We are the gatekeepers of the vicious cycles. We are strong and can actually, in the same amount we allow and choose to be part of abusive behaviors, patterns and relationship — be in the opposite – love. But there is something within us that we keep focussed on creating cycles no matter what – that is actually damaging to the body. that causes strain and stress hugely on our bodies that we one day need to recover from.. so we can best start now. Change our way to be one of less and less abusive cycles and more ones of love.
Serge Benhayon inspires me to feel the truth and power of who I am just being me.
What you and many experience with the fear you describe is crippling, and all just from ideals or beliefs as you say. How fantastic that you have come out of this vicious cycle and turned your life around, ‘I no longer feel others have the right to own and control me. I used to accept others had this right; thinking they knew better than me’. What a great healing.
Fear can disable us for many years until we choose to challenge the thought patterns that have kept us trapped in a prison of our making.
Fear is as you say a great trap, it is like it paralyses us, ‘An example is when another asks me to do something that does not feel right to me and I do it in the fear they will think less of me if I don’t: or I fear they will be angry with me because I am not in agreement with them. So I will choose to please another to win favour, rather than trust my own feelings.’
I can relate to this Lorraine, running with fear is absolutely loveless and we can feel the tension this creates and how much it hurts us. Living without fear and replaced it with love is amazing, the difference is worlds apart and we all have an ability to choose which energy we want to align to, love or fear.
I find this blog amazing and very intriguing to read. It presents how we can choose to either perceive life through the body or the mind – the difference is everything.
Such a great point Rik – wisely shared. The two lead us to live a life that is experienced in very different and opposing ways. The body offering one of truth and the mind offering one of lies.
Universal Medicine supports me see the how and why of the things we experience in life and how much of it was our own creating, and there is nothing/nobody to blame. I find it very humbling and empowering.
Abusive relationships can come in all shapes and sizes, what one person can feel as abusive, may not be so for someone else, but anything less than love, is abusive.
If our thoughts create our reality and perspective of life – then what creates our thoughts? When we consider energy and that we are not the source of this energy but the vessel by which it is expressed, life makes a lot more sense.
“…fear, no matter how life is playing out physically or emotionally, is in essence coming from ideas running around our head that we have the power to stop if we choose to..” Absolutely. In which case it makes sense to focus on changing our thoughts, which comes from changing the way we move. How so? Well the way we move is a vibration or energy, so if I move unlovingly, harshly, without consideration, this is the quality of thoughts that will be ‘fueled’ by my movements. If however I choose to move lovingly, gently, tenderly, with consideration and in honour of myself, my thoughts will reflect these movements.
Gorgeously said Lucy. Our movements done without our inner quality then provide an opening for fear because of the running ourselves unnaturally so from the rules, ideals and beliefs the world today is so geared up to provide us with. Living and letting our heart lead the way of our movements, choices, relationships and life is a whole encompassing way that has no space for fear for it is love.
We stay in harmful relationships for many reasons, lack of self-worth and fear … fear of not being loved by another, fear of being on our own, … the list can go on. But what you have shown is there is nothing to fear. All it takes is for us to commit and love ourselves at a deeper level than we have done before and this blasts all fear well and truly out of the water. Fear is not a quality …. truth and love are and once we have these as our foundations the rest will flourish.
We must choose our way and what we truly want in life and then allow all of our life reflect that. For this is the most supportive for all.
I love that you are no longer a captive of your fear and have been able to come out from hiding under the wing of another and learnt to spread your wings and fly. Sometimes it takes another to show us the power we have but in the end it is up to us to choose it.
We rightly call it ‘giving our power away’ when we allow another or something outside of us, like an ideal or belief to run our lives. And so it is up to us to claim our power back and claim back a quality of thoughts that support us instead of being kept captive in the fear. Serge Benhayon is a man that empowers people by bringing them into contact with their inner most and showing them the tools that support us in life to nurture and strengthen that place in us which holds all our power and glory.
This is a very important sharing for many, to actually realise how you can so no to the thoughts that keep you capped and make movements to change what you have allowed to be your reality by reconsidering how you approach life and no longer digesting the thoughts that held you back.
‘I feel fear is just a bunch of ideas that I have collected and given importance to, that keep me trapped into living life in a certain manner.’ When we start looking inside ourselves instead of outside and feel our body and how in essence we have the power to let go of ideas and beliefs we have , fear loses its hold on us. Also I have felt how important it is to appreciate every step that we make in building a loving relationship with ourselves.
Beautiful that you have chosen to lose the fear and no longer fall for it , simply by you letting go of old behaviors and occurrences, and that you have found something that has supported you with this all the way – Universal Medicine.
Fascinating how we can have ideas in our head of how to be, fed by images from our childhood, our parents, the media or where ever… and that we let these over ride the feelings we have in our body. The body is us, our unique instrument that can gauge what is appropriate in any situation. Far better to be taught to play with that instrument than listen to the cacophony given off by everything else.
Fear can control us, or so it seems. But it’s grip is non-existent once we see it for what it is – nothing more than thoughts or an energy that we let in – and we are the gatekeepers.
True Nikki – we are indeed the gatekeepers and are fully responsible for the energy we allow into and express through our body. When this is more broadly understood, I feel the world will be a very different place.
Abuse is something we say yes to. It is our choice and we all have the choice to say no to abuse (or yes). I have allowed forms of abuse in the past and it was not until my love for myself grew that I was able to even see it was abuse. It can be a viscious cycle with a strong momentum, but we can step out of that momentum at any stage. Knowing we have that power is indeed empowering.
Beautifully said Nikki as the vicious cycle of abuse can be a deceptive tornado of mass destruction.
The harm we do to ourself by creating Ideals of how we should be is enormous, it is creating fear for that what we don’t know for sure, that what we can’t predict. But also are very able to create for ourselves to keep us in this vicious cycle of self abuse, creating situations that confirm our fears is the ultimate form of holding ourselves back. Keeping ourselves small in the ‘safe’ world we created for ourselves.. what an incredible ways we have to not be the amazing human beings we all are.
Fear is a way we justify holding ourselves back, and to not honour our inner knowing.
We harm ourselves by allowing our thoughts to control us. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine invite us to feel and respond to what we feel and know is true from our body. There is nothing to fear in the truth of what we know, only in what our thoughts imagine.
Dragon, thank you for sharing this quote – Plato’s saying: what if we are afraid of our own light and not the darkness? As I am learning to accept and surrender to the power of my own light.
Great point Rachel, in walking away from any negative situation we must also be prepared to heal our hurts from what has happened, then we can walk away and be free.
A really powerful blog which exposes the simple truth about the composition of fear – ‘just a bunch of ideas that I have collected and given importance to, that keep me trapped into living life in a certain manner’ and then gives us the way out – ‘all I have to do is to stop giving importance to these ideas, and the fear will have no platform’. Our beliefs can be very insidious when we fail to recognise what’s actually at play, but this simple breakdown of what’s really going on shows where our choices haven’t fully supported us and gives us the chance to choose differently next time.
‘I feel fear is just a bunch of ideas that I have collected and given importance to, that keep me trapped into living life in a certain manner.’ Indeed Helen we can imprison ourselves through our own thoughts and beliefs.
I agree it is pretty scary that we can make the thoughts we conjure up in our heads our reality and rule our lifes. Universal Medicine provides several tools like the gentle breath meditation (free meditations at unimedliving.com), esoteric yoga, awareness of the influence of food, the time you go to sleep etc. that can help us move back from our heads into our bodies and come back to reality.
Tony, I celebrate with you not just the fact that you have much less fear today, more so I celebrate that you decided to say ‘no’ to the ideas of right and wrong. The day we start doing this can be celebrated as a birthday!
Fear is so confining, it is keeping us in the sphere of life we have created for ourself from all the ideas we created. It is very inspiring to read, and I am starting to feel that it is just about not giving these ideas any importance, as they are only creating a vicious cycle of fear.
I can really relate to this Alison – the constant search for confirmation and approval from outside rather than listening to my inner voice. I can feel how I have allowed fear to paralyse me and used it as an excuse for staying stuck. Releasing its chains has felt so empowering but it can still sneak back in and I can feel jealous of others who seem to just go for it and not worry about what others think.
Powerful take home message: our greatest ideals which can make us feel safe can also be our greatest prisons.
its similar to being safe from danger if you lock yourself in a prison cell, meaning no one can get in or out but… you are in a prison cell!
Powerful point Luke and a great visual as a prison cell may have no-one coming in or out but having worked in prisons I can say that they are cold, lonely and at times very frightening places.
Yet we willingly enslave ourselves to this prison. Craziness.
What an analogy Luke. We can also feel very safe inside a suit of armour…Henry the 8th style. We can clank around in life guarded by plates of metal…we can only see straight in front through a tiny slot, nothing to the side, above or below. We cannot hear properly through the echoing metal chamber we have sealed ourselves in. We cannot taste or smell, for nothing can touch our tongues or enter or nostrils when we are too afraid to lift the visor. And touch is an impossibility, except for the touch of the cold metal that keeps the world at bay.
Are we safe in our moveable prison? Maybe. But we can trip and fall, and there are always gaps in such armour that fail and allow weapons in.
But what if we are in the greatest danger of all…a living death if you will that arises when we stifle the expression of our love in this world?
“We are the creators of living death”, and you don’t write a bad analogy yourself Dr. Mascord. 😛
Thank you Jill. Could it be that we are actually the perpetrators of the abuse when we choose to stay in such situations, imprisoned by the ideals and beliefs of our minds?
When you live from a foundation that is fear based it means all your priorities are calibrated to just surviving…. and there is so much more to life than just surviving each day.
Hit the nail on the head Rachel “how we just create issues by giving energy to them.” It is a s simple as that.
Great advice. I find this too. Our essence gives us the clarity of how to move forward and also allows us to feel the fullness of ourselves, giving us the knowing of just how unsupportive being in the fear can be.
Beautifully expressed Alexis. Thank you. I love the analogy.
And for me too Natalie: just imagine how much energy will then be available for all the wonderful things in our lives today, and everyday!
Thank you for reminding us to not create in our head certain scenarios that are not true and not in the present. For me a loving discipline helps to stop that energy, when I go into worrying or planning to be safe. It is such a false security and life always teaches me, that it is actually not necessary at all. I am always equipment to handle every situation- fear is truly a selfmade illusion.
Absolutely Lieke, embracing what you feel is true is one of the most empowering things that we can do.
I lived in fear for a long time, it was a nagging anxiety that I could feel in my body and sometimes if it got too much for me it would result in panic attaks and wanting to hide from the world. Now I live with very little fear, if it happens to pop up within my mind and body, I now ask the question why, what is I am not wanting to see, what do I not want take responsibility for? In this way the feelings will melt away, often when I take responsibility for myself and claim the natural power and authority I have within.
I too have given power to ideals, beliefs and at times thought others were better and knew more- therefore did not back myself.
Now I appreciate me and express what I feel without the fear and apology. Thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for supporting me to reconnect to the deep wisdom and truth that we all carry within.
I agree Sharon.
I used to feel a lot of fear, the fear would inhibit and paralyse me, I was living with anxiety every day. Today I do not, as I began to get control of the thoughts in my head, I have found that my anxiety lessened and I am able to see situations more fully and not just concentrate on what may go wrong or who is attacking me. Whatever happens now I am able to understand it more and have a sense of freedom and steadiness that supports me.
Very true Tony, we put great importance of fear being an uncontrollable force which we can’t control. Instead it is a pattern we have decided to play into. When people say fear is a prison, then aren’t we imprisoning ourselves?
The more self appreciation and acceptance of myself in the love that I am, the more I feel the self doubt and fear has no hold on me, it is magical and it requires commitment and a willingness to change.
Thank you for an honest sharing.
Your blog is a powerfull illustration of the actual harm fear causes and a good example of how to deal with it.
This is a strong statement from a woman who turned her life around from living in fear to “not to give power away and trust your own feelings”. A triumph!
What an honest sharing on the power of ideas and thoughts and how they can fortify in our bodies and lock us into situations, patterns and behaviours that keep us disconnected from others and ourselves. When you can start to deconstruct these by bringing real honesty and expression, the world seems like a new place and best of all, you feel like you are part of it.
I have re-read your article and it is revealing how I fall back into fear-full thoughts and make them real. Thank you.
A great blog thanks for sharing.
I had to re read this and come back to this sentence…”to break this vicious cycle all I have to do is to stop giving importance to these ideas, and the fear will have no platform.”
It is so important, even every thought we have is a moment for us to give credence to something outside of ourselves, how important then for us to listen to our bodies and live from within.
Often this program of thoughts I have had would like to make the subject here (in your blog) so complicated, yet this is so clear and straightforward. Complicating situations to make it appear that it is too big to untangle when the truth is we can put a stop to it and start to pull it apart by our choices. I have started to untangle this knotted program of fear and the more I do the more I feel empowered and inspired to keep working at it, as there is a feeling of freedom in not living in that tense, anxious and complicated way.
Thank you for expressing this, Leigh. I agree.
You have expressed this vast topic so clearly, and it is so easy to understand reading your words. It’s madness how we stay in these situations when we put ourselves in them. Looking from the outside you can never understand how or why people stay there, trapped in their prisons, but when you’re the one inside it seems very hard to break out. As you describe we create these places, from different issues we have ourselves. For you it was fear of the unknown or trying to please others, for others it will be something else, but as you say it’s just a bunch of ideas you’ve given power to, instead of giving the power to the awesome you that can completely deal with anything.