by Rod Harvey, Gold Coast, Australia
Recently I asked myself, “How many people do I know or have known who I could really trust” and the answer surprised me.
Because what was revealed was that the one person who has let me down the most throughout my life and been the most untrustworthy is… me!
On the scale of untrustworthiness, others pale into insignificance compared to my contribution.
How many times have I thought, “I won’t do that again” but I did – with alcohol, relationships, food choices, inconsistent behaviour, broken promises to myself and to others, procrastination, giving my power away to children, friends, relatives, partners, parents, bosses, distractions and my thoughts. Need I say more?
Man, I’ve been letting myself down for a long, long time.
Have you heard the expression, “you have to earn my trust”? I heard it, but never applied it to myself. To earn my unqualified trust meant that I had to walk the talk, make no excuses, not judge or place a skerrick of blame on another, be absolutely responsible for myself… and all of that was daunting.
But I’ve gradually learned, particularly through another’s example, that we can live responsibly and enjoy a full and loving life.
That ‘other’ is Serge Benhayon, a person I trust without reservation. I’ve known Serge for six years and throughout that time he has been consistent in his love for others and inspirational in what he presents and how he lives. Yet he does not shirk from speaking truth, irrespective of the consequences and he will not pander to others to please them.
I now realise it’s not about who I can or cannot trust, because what another person does is outside of my control. My priority is to be responsible for myself and meet my own expectations without getting caught up in, expecting, or wanting something from others.
After all, I spend more time with myself than anyone else, so if I get this relationship right, then all else will fall into place.
So can I learn to trust myself? Of course I can and I’m pleased that I’ve been making some progress. It means commitment, together with the discipline to change some ingrained habits. It means shedding blame or judgment of others, dedication to self-care, being responsible, walking my talk and being totally honest with myself.
Sure there are slip-ups (hey the Universe wasn’t built in a day) but provided I’m lovingly consistent I will eventually be able to embrace the answer to that question, ‘Who can I really trust?’
And the answer will be… Me!
165 thoughts on “Who Can I Really Trust?”
Consistency is what really earns trust, be this in a positive or negative way. If we are consistently on time, this allows another to trust that this will be the case most of the time. Likewise if we are consistently late, this allows another to trust that this will be the case most of the time. But in both bases, it is the repetition and constant reflection that builds the trust. But how is this then any different to expectation? Well expectation is a projection ahead and onto another as an imposition, where as trust is based on observation of the past with no imposed projection.
Trust is an interesting thing – I know that I can trust that someone will be there for me, and I know that I can trust that someone will ‘let me down’ – so in essence no one can break our trust, other than ourselves, because deep inside we know the truth and perhaps are only avoiding it as a convenience.
Rod, thank you for this awesome blog – I really appreciate your sense of humour and the truth you present in the fact that more often than not we can be our own worst enemy so to speak! This is a sobering fact to own up to – thank you for leading the way and reminding us of the responsibility that we hold each and every moment.
What a great question. How often do we override our own feelings and then align to another without discerning where the other person is coming from.
As a human kind we are desperate to fit in, to be ‘loved’, to be recognized in some way. And so in the process we are willing to let go of what we know to be true. Until such time that we learn to hold steady and instead offer the reflection of truth back to the other and hence offer a different choice.
I now know that trusting myself means trusting my body and how I feel. I cannot trust my mind as it constantly lies and when I follow it’s lead things go pear-shaped. I can, however, trust my body to always direct me in the most loving way possible.
Yes that is what I have found, there is a more honest relationship that comes from the body, than the head so it is worth building the relationship with the body and letting the head observe that for a while till it becomes more responsive to the messages!!
Learning to trust, in my experience, always starts with self first, ‘My priority is to be responsible for myself and meet my own expectations without getting caught up in, expecting, or wanting something from others.’
Thank you Rod and may I add That, Trust, Truth, waning appreciation and the diminishing recognition of divine connection are slowly eaten away by the way our love-less teachings and social systems are set up! Reconnecting to our essences as presented by Serge Benhayon start the process of turning all the above around along with so much more.
It is bottomlessly gorgeous when we realize, through our own Livingness and not by conviction, that we can be truly trusted, that there is a foundation based on love that asks for no perfection.
I’ve just started to explore the subject of trust and unpick layers of mistrust I have. For me it’s honouring what I feel even more and going with what a feel and not what I think.
Serge Benhayon is a man that I trust without reservation. In trusting him I have learnt to trust myself again to trust what I know to be true and not to doubt myself because another questions my ability to know what is true and what isn’t. Serge Benhayon is such an inspiration in that he keeps stepping forward he does not shrink from speaking truth that we all need to hear irrespective if we want to hear it or not. Serge Benhayon will be known in time as the world’s greatest teacher and as history has shown we do not appreciate these teachers until they are no longer with us. I say this because I know Serge Benhayon but I cannot fully appreciate everything he brings to the world and continues to do so against such a force of opposition.
I understand what you mean Elizabeth. When we say we will do something and don’t carry it through, then it gives the message that we are untrustworthy. So, it is very important to build our livingness to a level where trust, honesty and love are the main foundations.
Great point Linda, this is what I am learning to do trust my feelings more and more, also learning to listen with care. I have got myself into all sorts of complicated situations from not trusting my feelings and each time is a great reminder to trust myself.
Rod, you really got me pondering on trust, do I trust myself and how often have I let myself down? For example, how often do I say I will do something for myself but never carry them through to the end? So, I agree, if I get my relationship with myself right then all my other relationships would simply fall into place, this makes so much sense.
This blog is so true, uncomfortably so … it’s so easy to blame others and not trust them, but when it comes to keeping our word with ourselves we often are inconsistent and really that’s with us, so to be consistent, to be honest when we’re not and to walk our talk, that’s a great foundation for trust all round.
Yes, it is clear to see how much easier it is to blame another than to consider if we are consistent in our own expression first. Once again, berating ourselves for a lack of consistency is not the answer either, simply build the relationship with the body and let that inform our next steps.
‘I spend more time with myself than anyone else, so if I get this relationship right, then all else will fall into place’. Wise words Rod, the only relationship that we can truly heal and take full responsibility for is the one with self.
Absolutely, bringing responsibility to self naturally changes our environment.
I love the turn around Rob, in that you ask yourself the question, Who can I really trust, to then discover that the one and only person who had not been trustworthy was yourself. A lovely honest sharing, and I love that when we take responsibility, everything changes and we are able to see the bigger picture.
What questions do we ask and what do we answer is something that cannot be taken lightly. The reality is that we are not human beings, and that we are subjected to immense forces that play with us. So, if we ask a question and provide an answer that is oblivious of both facts may not serve us much. Who is the us hat we do not trust? Are human beings totally in command? Can we trust our Spirit? Will it not play its game? Etc.
Funny we often don’t consider self trust but it is key for this is the bar we set which determines all our other relationships. Learning to trust ourselves and living in a way which honours our bodies changes it all, and is a journey worth taking.
Bringing it back to self again, loving, caring, nurturing, accepting, and trusting self are some key steps in returning to our grandness.
I also discovered that a lot has to do with knowing who I am and where I come from. I am part of the universe, I know the eternal love of God and know I too am that.
I have also been realising recently that the key to letting go of the layers of protection and mistrust I have of other people is to develop a deeper connection with my own qualities and worth.
Well said Andrew – and I love how that allows trust in ourselves to unfold and hence its ripple effect with trusting others and the world around us. It is not that others need to change, but as we connect deeply to ourselves we can shift our perception of what trust is and how to work with it and how to be with ourselves and others and this can make a world of a difference.
When I live in the full commitment to myself I am at one with myself. I take responsibility for myself and make my livingness equal and together with the all. I do not impose as it is impossible. What another does in reaction to life I accept with love, I let go of neediness and any expectations I may have of others and most of all I feel who I am and the power of love inside and around me.
Within us all lives a liar and the voice of truth. Our task is to give voice to what is true and turn the volume right down on what is not.
Not trusting oneself is a consequence of not loving oneself. It is also looking at yourself as a stranger, as if it were not you. Distanced.
Excellent point Rod. I had not looked at it this way before, but I see the more consistent we are in the way we live the more confident we will be in ourselves and hence trust builds.
Thank you Rod, it’s always great to read this because it offers such a different perspective on trust. I agree that it’s building a loving consistency with ourselves and that may at times involve accountability for when it’s time to truly step up.
I have never really clicked how many times I have let myself down with choices I have made because the deceptiveness of our mind can always seem to find a way to lay the blame elsewhere.
Thank you Suse for your honest comment, I can relate!
I love the way you joyfully express Rod. Thank you for reminding me to keep building a relationship with myself that I can truly trust.
Fabulous point you make here Rod. I must say be able to trust yourself is a great point well worth examining as it is something that I know I really need to consider as it is about have strong foundations which come from steadiness in one’s own livingness.
A great question Rod ‘Who can i really trust?’ and amazing to find that it’s yourself first and foremost. Why look to others, when we can begin with ourselves.
The beauty in what you are sharing is that we can bring all our issues back to our self, that we can work on them and make the changes we want, hence that we do not have to wait for any one to change. We can bring the change to the world that we are waiting for and live it.
I love this Esther and what clarity you bring ‘we do not have to wait for any one to change. We can bring the change to the world that we are waiting for and live it’.
Since I study with Universal Medicine I’ve built a much better relation with my body and from there much more aligned in my choices with what my body showed me.
This gives me a stronger foundation in me of who I am and confirms my knowing from within.
Great question Rod, and I loved how you deduced that the person who let you down the most was yourself, I too have a smilier experience, because when we get let down it is often because we haven’t stood up for the truth.
Amazing revelations here in this blog- to think that we spend so much time being guarded with others because we think we can’t trust them and yet underneath it all is a lack of love in ourselves. Learning to love me consistently and unconditionally has gone a long way so far to building that foundation in myself again which I have noticed means I am more open with others.
We can so easily blame others and in fact even ourselves but that does nothing and in fact if we simply come back to us, and get honest about how we’ve been with ourselves we build a foundation of trust in ourselves – we back ourselves.
It was incredible meeting Serge Benhayon because he was a human being I could trust such was his consistency, holding and understanding.
Honesty builds trust and it is so important to be honest with ourselves.
I have blind trusted in a lot of occasions in my life, as a reaction to “test out” humanity if it is trustworthy or not, as I know in my heart that trust is natural. In this behaviour, I have intentionally allowed myself to be in harm when I can discern due to my stubbornness and stupidity. What is there to appreciate is the knowing of truth in our hearts, but that cannot be found in our outside world before living it consistently with ourselves. So to see if this world is trustworthy or not, the simplicity of it is to first trust in all that I feel from my body and to act upon it.
Brings in a very good understanding of our unfoldment.. and that we are here to return to something grand we know – yet step by step are willingly so returning to, as you said: “the Universe was not built in a day!” So we must give ourselves appreciation for every step taken back..
Thank you Rod, a great question to ponder on. Serge Benhayon is an amazing role model for us all to live in a way that we trust every move we make comes from love.
Thorough developing a relationship with self-honesty, I have realised that the degree of trust I feel for myself or another is reflection of the degree of truth that is honoured and expressed. My lack of trust in myself stemmed from my wavering commitment to honouring the truth I feel, however the more I do honor what I feel the more I am supported and feel empowered to be guided by a quality that confirms who I really am.
Thank you Rod, great to read this again. We may take many knocks in life but often the worst can come from ourselves, however it can be hard to see this as we don’t often realise how vital our relationship to self is, nor the support we can provide for ourselves. Taking responsibility for ourselves is a big part of this.
It all comes back to you – me, that is so true as if we want something so dearly it makes sense to live it ourselves first.. This blog reveals me the very thing that I have been avoiding in my life – building a relationship, a true and deep one, with myself.. Which my body is signaling – is dearly time for now.
It makes a lot of sense to start with ourselves in everything we do and demand, because the more we give ourselves what we expect from others the less we will actually expect from them and allow space for each other to be themselves.
When we trust ourselves, this is a lovely confirmation of going into each day knowing that whatever arises we will know what to do, what to say, and in that knowing life become super easy.
‘I spend more time with myself than anyone else, so if I get this relationship right, then all else will fall into place’ The answer to all our relationship problems….the old adage; before we can love another, we must first love ourselves is indeed true.
Haha and I don’t think I’ve ever turned the trust meter back on myself in this way. Hilarious to think that our trust issues are closer to home then we think and in fact you’re sleeping and walking with them.
I love the simplicity of the wisdom you offer Rod. What a great question to check in with myself each day. Am I living the trust that I’m totally worthy of and what level of trust do I reflect to others?
That is surprising perspective, but so true. I would like people to trust me, but first I have to trust myself, that is the key. Working on trusting myself. Everything around me changes with relationship with me.