A Little Bit of Alcohol seemed Safe Enough

by Gayle Cue, Bangalow NSW

I never really liked the taste of alcohol. However, it was part of being normal in society and so I tried. I wasn’t very successful at enjoying or abusing alcohol. Nonetheless, it has played a major role in my life.

My father had fought in the trenches of Germany during WWII. By the time he came back to the US, met my mother, and I was born, he was heavily into a relationship with alcohol, to try and drown out his memories and nightmares. My mother held off for several years while us kids were really young, but she eventually joined him in his misery and chosen relief.

I married at 18 to get out of the house. At the time I married my husband, he wasn’t truly an alcoholic – yet, but he was well on his way. His parents were also alcoholics so you can appreciate that it was difficult for us to see drinking as a problem. It was just part of life. I was still trying to be part of the norm and would try to drink, but I could never stomach more than one or two so rarely experienced being drunk, although I often experienced the headache and lethargic day that followed my attempts. 

By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I started to realise that alcohol was a real problem for most people. They, in fact, became ‘other’ people after a few drinks. This was hard to spot because some people drank every day and so I was only occasionally given a glimpse of who they were when they weren’t drunk or hung over.

And so it came to pass that I found myself with two small children, and a husband who needed constant supervision. After several wrecked vehicles and other shenanigans, I decided that I was fine about supervising my children – but not the husband. And so I made the painful decision to divorce. I still hadn’t really linked the behavior to the alcohol. I had just decided I didn’t want to be raising two children and an adult.

And blimey, if I didn’t go and do it again! I married another alcoholic. He was charming, funny, loving, a great father to my children and his, a good provider… and addicted to alcohol. No, I didn’t see it during the year that we courted but it became obvious shortly after we married.

Three years into the marriage and probably three wrecked vehicles later, I gave him the ultimatum. It was either me, or the bottle. He could decide. I won that round and the next five years were wonderful. We were a real team, raising my children and his children in a beautiful home in the country, travelling, having friends over on the weekend.

After a trip to New Zealand in 1985, we became unsettled about our lifestyle. We had a good life but we wanted a simpler life. And so, crazy and brave as it sounds, we just decided to pack up the kids and move – somewhere. New Zealand seemed simpler. We sold the business, the house, the cars and all the ‘stuff’, and off we went.

It seemed safe to have a celebratory drink – it was the beginning of the end.

Now there were four children under our roof to consider, mine and his, and we were partners in business and so I rode the turbulent years with as much grace as I could muster. It was a foolish plan, but all those years, I thought if I abstained from drinking, it would make those around me see that drinking was bad for them. (It didn’t work).

After my husband died in 1998, I found myself living on my own for the very first time in my life. I realised I could buy a bottle of wine or a couple of beers and they would still be there when I got home from work. It seemed safe enough and so I started to enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, and much to my surprise I found a nice cold beer at the end of a long day in the garden tasted pretty good.

When I first attended Universal Medicine presentations and heard Serge Benhayon talking about the effects of alcohol, I never even tweaked that what was being presented was relevant to me. I knew I had never abused alcohol. In fact, most of my life I had never drank any alcohol. And even though I occasionally had a glass or a cold one, I could easily go without. I didn’t go to bars, I didn’t hang out with people who drank heavily. So, surely, this part of the presentation, about alcohol, wasn’t about me, right?

What I didn’t see creeping in was an increasing negative attitude towards life (which an occasional glass of wine seemed to relieve), a pessimistic outlook, the lowering of my self-esteem, and the drain of my energy, which was effecting everything. I wasn’t turning to alcohol to solve these problems and I wasn’t trying to drown myself into oblivion. But the ‘occasional’ drink was becoming more frequent. I eventually noticed that my tolerance to the effects of alcohol was increasing. Therefore, I could drink more than ever before – and had a new found stamina to draw on for the recovery the next day. Then I actually found myself getting ‘drunk’ on an occasion or two. Still, it seemed safe enough because it wasn’t often and the rest of my life seemed good.

On the few occasions that I would have a session with Serge Benhayon – when I was feeling particularly low or trying to get over some traumatic experience, he would inquire if alcohol had been involved. I always answered truthfully and I never felt any judgement. But I did notice that he was asking that question. I remember the last time I ever went for a session with Serge – hoping to get back on track because I had clearly fallen off the rails  – and he asked that same question. When I had to answer YES, I didn’t feel any judgment from him BUT I did notice that he cringed (involuntarily, I think). In that moment, I got it. I saw how having a drink, even one drink, even once a month or once a year was saying YES to the whole energy that goes with alcohol.

My body had shown the allergic reaction to alcohol from the start and it was only through repeated exposure that I was able to increase my tolerance to the poison. And I considered this a good thing. How crazy. I trained my body to accept a poison and I failed to notice the changes that even an occasional drink was causing in my attitude and emotional wellbeing.

Thanks to Serge Benhayon’s unconditional love, and patience, I was able to eventually see all of this for myself and make the choice about not having alcohol in my life. Now, even when there is a celebratory toast for a graduation or a marriage, which seems safe enough, I fill my glass with water and join the toast. I know I will never take a drink of alcohol again.

143 thoughts on “A Little Bit of Alcohol seemed Safe Enough

  1. A superb and very honest demonstration of how ‘normal’ alcohol consumption is in our society, making it hard to put two and two together and seeing it for what it really is: it is a poison and opens the door to energies that are not of the same vibration and quality as we truly are.

  2. Gayle you have deeply exposed the harm that alcohol brings with it, whether drinking it, or being around others that are. There will be many who will not like the clarity in which you have written. But like it or not, all know deep down the truth.

  3. It is extraordinary that such a powerful poison can be so normalised even at the cost it has to our health and wellbeing, let alone finances and lifestyle… and who can ignore the social impact? There is nothing more inspiring to hear of people coming to a place where they realise they no longer need it as a way to support them through life in some form and are therefore 1 less statistic in a world of avoidable statistics.

  4. “How crazy. I trained my body to accept a poison and I failed to notice the changes that even an occasional drink was causing in my attitude and emotional wellbeing.” This is a very common factor with so many things in life. We learn that we can train ourselves to do anything but these ideas come from our head through the thoughts we let in and lives at the expense of the body.

  5. I am with you on that one, I will never choose to drink again, it’s not worth it. I had a non alcoholic beverage called Kombucher the other day, its fermented and tastes like booze, that was enough to make me feel drunk and hung over the next day, it was the worst.

  6. Honest Sharing Gayle, just goes to show how a glass of alcohol is poison and can spread through our body very quickly and cause so much damage without us even knowing.

  7. I too grew up in an environment where heavy drinking was the norm, and for many years into my adulthood I continued with this – but always with an acute wariness because several of my close relative were alcoholics. I decided I was going to stop drinking, and it took me about a year to reach the point where I took that step, but from that day I never looked back.

  8. i too have never looked back since giving up drinking. I am so glad i did it, i really enjoy social occasions so much more now, I certainly don’t miss it.

  9. When we cut out or stop something without truly understanding the effects it has, it always eventually seems to come back. There is no shortcut to feeling in full what life’s about. The greatest trick is we think in cutting out one vice we have succeeded there but then find a replacement habit to do exactly the same thing. For as your story shows Gayle, there is no end without us healing the true root cause of everything.

  10. ‘only through repeated exposure that I was able to increase my tolerance to the poison’. I’ve heard this method of getting used to poison used in different situations, but its true that we do it throughout life. There are plenty of substances and behaviours that are no good for us in the long run, but if we keep at it then the body will acquiesce for a time and adjust round the behaviour…. but we are only storing the problem for another day.

  11. It’s crazy how we have to train ourselves to like something that is so rotten to the body. No child has the taste for alcohol or cigarettes or drugs – so what happens to us as teens and adults? I remember making myself smoke cigarettes and I really hated it at first, it burnt my throat, my lips, nose and eyes. I felt terrible afterwards and really dirty. Even washing my hands 3-4 times would not get rid of the smell. Makes me realise what hard work it is to become addicted to these things, yet we think the work is letting them go.

  12. It is interesting that the power of the ‘normalisation’ of alcohol in our society was so strong that even when it made me sick from the beginning, it never occurred to me that it was deeply harming to consume it. I just thought it was a defect in my body that it couldn’t cope rather than the body rejecting an obvious poison. This is the danger of allowing ourselves to be swayed by the all-pervading influence of advertising, propaganda and social acceptance, fuelled by a common agreement to uphold the numbness so desperatley sought by so many, .. rather than listening to the obvious communication from our own bodies – and empowering ourselves to live by its guidance rather than by anything telling us how we should be..

  13. Alcohol does change people, of that I have no doubt. I have seen people close to me change completely under the influence of alcohol – so much so that they behave in ways that are completely out of character and on one occasion started to use a different name altogether. Alcohol lost any allure it once had once I connected with what is truly does. My feeling is that we would chuck it straight out of our lives if we had any true level of awareness of its impact. Something I sometimes consider is how our relationship with alcohol would be if our bodies did not perform the miraculous elimination of toxins it does and that we take for granted. Perhaps we would then be aware that it is indeed a poison and to drink it is like committing suicide.

  14. “What I didn’t see creeping in was an increasing negative attitude towards life” This line really struck me today as I saw more the root cause for why we look to products or behaviours that relieve our frustration or disappointment. We focus on whether or not we should drink the wine but the focus really should be on why we are choosing to drink the wine…what is going on in our lives for us to be making that choice?

  15. It is interesting how we train ourselves and learn to override the uncomfortable symptoms alcohol has on our bodies and then we get so used to having them that they become normal and we forget how we can feel without them. It is sad as we miss out on the amazingness that we are because of that.

  16. Thanks Gayle, for a great article shared with much honesty and transparency .”My body had shown the allergic reaction to alcohol from the start and it was only through repeated exposure that I was able to increase my tolerance to the poison. And I considered this a good thing. How crazy. I trained my body to accept a poison and I failed to notice the changes that even an occasional drink was causing in my attitude and emotional wellbeing.” I remember my first beer as a teenager and it was bitter ,and didnt task good at all, and all the years of training myself to get used it ,it was a passage of right to be able to drink beer well to be what i thought of at the time a real man .As well it was the only refection I saw, men drinking beer and enjoying it and themselves, there was no one elder or young adult I knew knew that didnt drink . Its funny how the alcohol consciousness is so strongly etched in our society and for many thousands of years it has ruled peoples behaviours .Like the colonial countries conquering of the so called “new worlds” indigenous cultures bringing with them alcohol and distilleries as major form of commerce and control of people through the powerful drug and known poison alcohol. Now days alcohol sponsorship in sport and music dominates the stage . The world would be a total different place without it I’m sure .

  17. A great illustration of how insidiously an addiction or dependency can creep in when we choose not to deal with things that happen to us in life. Alcohol as a coping mechanism, either to block out life in some way, or to feel as though we ‘fit in’ with others can be very harming, as you so clearly show in your case Gail.

  18. To be so honest about the destructive nature of alcohol’s presence in our lives and in our relationships, offers a great opportunity for many to stop and consider for themselves, just what part alcohol is playing in their lives and is there truly any positive that comes of it? Your story Gayle, speaks reams about the normalisation of alcohol having gone to such an extent, that we don’t even question that we are putting poison in our own bodies, and teaching our children to do the same.

  19. It’s important isn’t it, to not simply see alcohol as the ‘big bad wolf’ here, isn’t it Gayle. Moreso, it is the underlying factors that would lead us to poison our bodies and relationships so, that we need to look at, if we truly want to heal what’s gone on for us, in partaking of such sabotaging behaviours.
    I used to drink, and for a few years there when I was younger, drink a-plenty… It was a great mechanism for blocking out the world and avoiding dealing with the pain I felt of being in it. Restoring a deep and true connection with myself, inspired beyond measure by Serge Benhayon, is what has made the difference for me – essentially, knowing that I can indeed live and be all of me in this world, without reservation.

    Today, I’m as you are – nothing in me could put a drop of it near my mouth, as I know without a doubt, how immensely such a choice would diminish the richness I feel in myself today.

    Why block out the light of the sun, when its brightness is so full of love?

  20. Brilliant blog Gayle. Your story shows that the reasons we use alcohol are very revealing. In my experience alcohol only ever compounded negativity and stress in my life. The day I took my last sip of alcohol I knew without a doubt it would be the last time because I had allowed myself to feel the truth about what it did to me. Five years later I am overjoyed at how great life without alcohol is and I wish I had never taken a sip of the stuff.

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