by Terri-Anne Connors, Melbourne, Victoria
I am thirty-six years of age and some would say I have already lived through more significant life events than most people have lived in their entire lives. I could write pages on a number of deeply painful and nothing less than traumatic events that have occurred in my life, either directly to me, a member of my immediate family or a close friend: from death, murder, rape, suicide, illness, disease, drug and alcohol abuse to physical and emotional abuse.
As I experienced each one of these events they were not the most difficult things for me to deal with in my life. Yes they were at the time very painful and extremely sad, but it is my experience when the big events like these happen, we inevitably find an inner strength. A strength that cannot be likened to anything else – it is a knowing that you will get through, that you are being looked after, that there is a reason for everything and that much will be learnt from it. It is also my experience that when the big stuff happens people check in on you, they rally around, including strangers. The generosity and care from people is deeply touching and reinforces your will to go on. It is after the shock wears off and you start to get back to everyday life that it becomes difficult.
What I needed help with was much simpler, the questions I needed answered were about the everyday things:
- How to get a good night sleep so I didn’t wake feeling like I hadn’t slept at all.
- How to eat in a way so that I didn’t feel heavy, tired and craving more food, especially food that contained sugar and were high in carbohydrates.
- How to exercise without hurting myself and wanting to give up after a couple of days.
- How to finish a full day of work without feeling exhausted and drained.
- How to be responsible without taking on the burdens of others; knowing the difference between what could truly help another and what actually didn’t help at all.
- How to speak up about what is wrong in the world without fear of retribution, even when retribution came.
- How to deal with work colleagues, family and friends who sometimes lie and betray my trust.
- How to watch while those same people say and do things that clearly hurt themselves and others, including me.
- How to be a woman, to transition from being a girl innocent to the world and still honour that fragility while becoming a responsible adult.
- How to choose to not want to have children and still feel like a whole woman.
- How to stop the constant barrage of subtle but negative undermining thoughts towards myself.
- How to trust that you don’t have to have a tertiary education, be the most qualified or the oldest in the room to be intelligent or have a worthwhile contribution.
It was these everyday things that challenged me more than those big, painful and traumatic events.
I genuinely did go looking for answers. I have always had the ability to ask questions and understand things well beyond my education or age and experience – one would say I was discerning. But how does that help when you live in a world that discourages that? When we are taught not to question, especially of those who are leaders, experts in their fields and in positions of authority or power. Nothing I tried, read and attended worked – the many books, groups and courses both religious and spiritual, personal trainers, diets, financial advisors or business ideas. I would start a book and not finish it because although there were some valid points, most of it did not actually help. I would attend sessions with a counselor, a psychologist or group therapy, but went away no better off and inevitably returning to the confusion that led me there in the first place. I even tried to go back to Church – I was raised as a Catholic, but again none of it really answered my questions. None of it helped with the day-to-day things and I always came back to: there had to be more to life, there had to be a reason for the suffering and why life could not be simpler.
Serge Benhayon was the first person who actually listened to me and understood where I was coming from. It was Serge who recognised in me that inner knowing and inner strength. He could see through the frustration and the confusion. Serge was the first person who genuinely cared for me and what I had to share. Not what clever things he could tell me, or how he could help me to be a ‘better person’ or what he thought was wrong with me. He always, mostly confirmed what I knew was right and wrong. Serge knew I was discerning and was not put off by that, but rather he encouraged it. It was Serge who showed me it was the inner strength and knowing which was worth encouraging and talking about, that THAT is who I am – that it is not the details and events of my life which defined me. Serge showed me that all that was important was for me to continue to nurture and develop my inner strength and my inner knowing by learning how to best deal with the everyday life things and how that would support me to develop those inner qualities.
There are two very important things about Serge Benhayon’s presentations that greatly inspired me:
- Everything is energy – therefore everything is because of energy, and
- We all have a personality, a spirit and a soul.
For me, once I understood those two things in full, everything else could be explained. That is what I had been missing and the fact that nothing and no one had encouraged me to nurture my inner qualities and support me to deal with the everyday life things. That is what I needed help with. This explained the suffering, and why life was not simpler. I don’t know of a better way to live than how I am living now based on all of what Serge has inspired and encouraged in me.
Of course there is room for improvement in some areas, but from where I stand now there has been a significant shift in my overall well-being and in my day-to-day living. I am still asking questions, still being discerning, but up until and including now, the time spent with Serge Benhayon is the only time my questions got answered.