Love can only Love Me Back

by Adele Leung, Hong Kong

I thought I would not be loved because I share different views on God with my blood family. My view on God does not have a Bible to back it up, only my heart. For a long time, I dared not open my mouth to speak about any of it, for the feeling of – who would listen? I knew I was not alone in this when I met with the reflection from Serge Benhayon’s books. I knew that my heart had not lied to me, that: God is Love and Only Love.

I thought I would not be loved because however subtle, frequently I have experienced on–going power struggles in relationships. I was ‘loved’ when I was weak. And whenever I began living who I truly am, the questioning and resistance, especially from those close to me grew. In turn, I reacted. I could and have continuously tried to justify these power struggles. Thus, I have done everything, except for truly loving.

I thought I would not be loved, if I spoke what I was truly feeling especially in relation to abuse I could feel. I was feeling and accepting everything about another, before honouring my feelings first, and not standing up to say no to what is not okay, I was actually not loving – neither to myself or to another. What I thought to be love, was actually condoning and perpetuating separation, first and foremost, to myself.

I thought I would not be loved because I do not ever ‘do’ coffee, alcohol, drugs or a big meal to have a ‘good time’ anymore. I even go to sleep at the time when most people are just ready to begin their nights. I feel bored watching telly and most of the time fall asleep in the middle of movies. Thus, I am not great in ‘socialising’ as how the world understands this word to be, but I am quite awesome in socialising with myself. When I meet friends, to me, it is unimportant what we do or where we go, for none of that is necessary for a true connection to happen.

I thought I would not be loved because I do not belong to any community or tribe, sect or pact that provides the cushiony support of like-mindedness. On the contrary, I stick out like a sore thumb in my home country – most think I am joking when I tell them I belong to the brotherhood of humanity. I have tried to do many things to not appear different, but how can not living who I am really confirm who I truly am. So what do I choose: do I know or don’t I know who I am? It comes down to an issue of honesty to and for myself.

I thought I would not be loved because I do not work for riches or identity. Although I do have a job or two, and I provide for myself and my son, I can’t help but share with a wink that my real job is knowing myself and reflecting that in every part of my life. Sadly, most don’t share my play-fullness when I tell them that.

I thought I would not be loved because I truly do not know how to convey what is in my heart if it is not heard from another’s heart. There were nights when I pondered what it would be like to make up my own language or perhaps to just stop speaking. I realised that neither are the solutions for my deep desire to express, or just simply, to communicate.

I thought I would not be loved because most of the time I do not need to be needed and do not ‘do’ love. But I am expected to anyway. We cannot really be ‘doing’ love – we can only be it – so to me it is not about proving love by showing niceties… This doesn’t mean I would not buy gifts or send cards or tell someone they are beautiful, but it is not done out of being nice or because it is a ‘proper’ thing to do – it is because of my impulse to share love in such way.

I thought I would not be loved, because the world understands love differently. I only know this because I am the same as everyone else – in that I had accepted the ‘love’ we are taught from young for so long, even though it did not feel truly loving to me. I searched for love everywhere outside of myself. I went to many places and have done many things in the name of ‘love’, however, that which I thought was ‘love’, still hurts many people including myself. I felt I had lost the one thing that guided my whole life – True Love. I felt betrayed, misled and lost.

When I ran out of options, I decided to give loving myself a try. This began as a discipline that introduced more and more gentleness towards myself, and rather than holding on to right or wrong, I began to feel from my body and listened to it. Until one day, this love that I have been practising and opening myself to, has allowed me to feel so truly loved, and this love is no different from the love I share every time I love someone else deeply.

At that moment, I smiled, and thought: How could I ever feel scared or sad or lonely and not loved?

It is absurd and impossible for me now.

Love can only love me back.

541 thoughts on “Love can only Love Me Back

  1. We think we need to conform, please fit in and abandon ourselves to be ‘loved’ but what kind of love would ask us to do this? certainly not a true kind of love, a holding and non judgemental love. This is a great way to see how we can get sucked into needing someone to approve of us or recognise us in some way and this acts as the closest replica to love that we can possibly get and hence we take it hook line and sinker, rather than holding steady with what we know is true whether another takes it or leaves it.

  2. “that which I thought was ‘love’, still hurts many people including myself”. It’s a great comment about the false love we have created that hurts so many, as you say Adele, love, the true and real love, can only love us back. It’s very absolute, that’s all it is – love.

  3. Even in the complications we make about love, even when it seems that love is far away from us, we keep being held by it. It’s just us who sometimes don’t allow ourselves to feel it enough, but the truth is that Love is always there.

  4. Any religion that does not have love as their corner stone or the building blocks of their foundation is lying to everyone pure and simple. So then we have to ask what is it then that they are peddling to us?

  5. Right and wrong is such a reduction of what Love is. To understand Love is to consider it energetically and from that space there is no doing, or judgement, there is stillness, joy, harmony, truth and ‘kapow’ power! yet with no need for any of the attention that goes with the power we have come to associate with that word. Love simply is who we are, what we are made of and where we are from.

  6. Beautiful to read how you have now built a love for self, ‘Until one day, this love that I have been practising and opening myself to, has allowed me to feel so truly loved, and this love is no different from the love I share every time I love someone else deeply’

  7. Love reading this. I know I can think of so many reasons I won’t be loved, so many differences – like thinking that any difference makes me incompatible with another. But when I love myself and express from being love I know yes, we are all different but we are all connected, we all come from love and are love. How can I not be love and loved?

  8. We are not presented what love truly is as we grow up, and we start behaving in ways that disregard ourselves, ‘I thought I would not be loved, if I spoke what I was truly feeling especially in relation to abuse I could feel. I was feeling and accepting everything about another, before honouring my feelings first, and not standing up to say no to what is not okay, I was actually not loving – neither to myself or to another.’

    1. As adults, we have to re-parent ourselves and give ourselves permission to honour what we are feeling. We do not need to be held by our upbringing if we move in a way that re-imprints the experience.

      1. Great point Lucy – we can at any point re-parent ourselves and turn things completely around. This is taking true responsibility on all counts.

  9. “To me, it is unimportant what we do or where we go, for none of that is necessary for a true connection to happen’. Adele I feel the same way when I am with people, that the absolute jewel is in the true meeting of another. The knitting together of two or more people, despite their differences. And it is because we are not truly meeting others when we are with them that we need to constantly entertain and distract ourselves with entertainment, food and drink. We are looking for the bright lights all around us when the truth is we can be absolutely blinded by what’s inside.

  10. Crazy how many of us can fight our own love and the love that is on offer from others,
    The sprit loves to be complicated where as the soul just says I am love you too, lets go.

  11. While ever we hold onto the old ways and idealised versions of love it is like being stuck in the mud it is difficult to extricate ourselves out but with the divine reflection of another we move in a different way and the seemingly impossible becomes our lessons in True ways of living that make it simple to return to our most divine Loving essences as you have so play-fully shared Adele.

  12. Adele, this is really supportive to read; ‘When I meet friends, to me, it is unimportant what we do or where we go, for none of that is necessary for a true connection to happen.’ Where I met used to be really important and I would spend much time and money searching for the best places to go. What I find now is that I can feel content wherever I go and that having a cup of tea with friends or family is just as lovely as being somewhere ‘exciting’ and beautiful.

  13. We seek love, yet we don’t give that a real go, it’s like we are almost already given up in trying. Being loving with ourselves, truly, should have been the obvious choice, but many of us don’t see that as obvious, as if we are so obviously undeserving, let alone accepting that we are love. I love the title – ‘Love can only love me back’.

  14. Looking back on my childhood I could not be loved truly loved that is by my family because I upheld a different understanding of God to them. I shut down because I felt crushed by their version of God that was totally opposite of what I knew and felt in my body to be true. Meeting Serge Benhayon has given me at last a safe space to bring out and unpack my understanding of God which is for ever deepening and expanding as I give my self permission to go deeper with what I know to be true.

  15. If we ‘love’ people because they are doing things that make us feel ‘comfortable’ eg drinking, is that not just highlighting our insecurities? Loving another should never be based on what we do and how we live but who we are and starting with ourselves, truly loving ourselves, is the only way to go ❤️

  16. “I thought I would not be loved because”…I felt so different from everyone else and often felt that I didn’t belong in this world. But once I began to love myself I knew that yes, I did belong and the difference I felt was simply my uniqueness, my way of expressing in this world, and that in truth, I am an equal member of our global family; humanity.

      1. All the same on the inside and also with the same red blood running through our veins and yet bringing our unique qualities as the unique piece in the whole mix.

  17. Your heart hasn’t lied Adele, we as a race of human beings have allowed the lie that God only loves a certain race, or that he is an ogre, angry, punishes those people who do not obey the rules that he has supposedly set down for us to follow. These same people say they know and follow the will of God. We have forgotten that God is Love and Only Love and in that forgetfulness we have fallen far from the truth.

      1. May be it will take a long time for those who are religious to let go of the false lies we have upheld to be true. Many religions are used as a way to subjugate and control people, there is much power, greed and corruption within certain religions and this will be very hard to give up. But this is where we can see that it is the spirit that is in control and ruling here and not the love of God, and so the truth is known

      2. Religion is still caught up in the dirty deals and behind the scene tricks as is portrayed in the latest Robin Hood movie produced by Otto Bathurst.
        What ‪#RobinHoodMovie‬‬‬‬‪ ‬ shares is exposing of much corruption.

    1. This is very true Mary, ‘We have forgotten that God is Love and Only Love and in that forgetfulness we have fallen far from the truth.’

  18. True beauty is immediately recognised in anyone who moves and expresses in full all that they innately are.

  19. “Love can only love me back.” If love was a machine it would be the true perpetual motion machine as it is self-generating and is forever deepening and expanding.

  20. I would back my heart as my foundation anyway over a book. A book can present or carry the wisdom of inner heart or it may not.

  21. ‘At that moment, I smiled, and thought: How could I ever feel scared or sad or lonely and not loved?’ Incredibly beautiful to feel this as I know I am not loving myself (or others) unconditionally but seeing glimpses like driving to the sea and spotting it sometimes on the horizon.

  22. I love the title of this blog. So much is been expected of the word and actions of LOVE. Yet when we simplify that quality -there is nothing less but love and love for all of us to enjoy.

  23. Beautiful to read of how you’ve reconnected with the love inside of you, something that you’ve felt from your body rather than chasing an image in the minds eye.

  24. While we may ascribe all sorts of ideals, beliefs and conditions onto love, none of these exist in love. They are simply the many various devices we use to keep true love at arm’s length, conveniently so.

  25. I notice that the one who has the most problem with becoming more loving is myself.
    I have many excuses to not let the love come through. I make thinks complex to avoid the love.
    When we start to let the love through our spirit loose its power.

  26. This blog seems simple, yet it’s words reverberate in my life and keep coming back to show like a boomerang, the truth of love. It’s in nothing you or anyone else can do. That’s huge and truly life changing if lived.

  27. This is a great reminder how saying no to what does not support or confirm the Love that we are is really important and that we have to bring Self-Love in to our relationship with ourselves first before we can have it with another.

    1. And all those ‘avenues’ are fed to us from the outside, from the array of ideals and beliefs which swirl around us in every moment in the attempt to keep us away from the true source of love which resides within us, a source which never leaves us, but loves us eternally.

  28. Belonging and love can be sold to us as the ideal package. One not existing without the other and so much on offer with ideals and images that bombard our screens and are generated with conversations. Where does the truth lie? Or are we fed a lie as another package?

  29. Using and following a book to guide us in life (aka the Bible) keeps us in separation from ourselves. We then rely on what is presented there dishonouring all the wisdom we have within.

  30. “My view on God does not have a Bible to back it up, only my heart.” This sentence alone is so very beautiful to read. What if we all let our hearts speak instead of relying on the many scriptures. Our inner heart can not be tainted, we simply have to uncover it from the many beliefs we have placed on top.

  31. We dedicate hours to pet projects, set aside days for studies but we seldom make space for being more Love in our day. And yet this is what life is all about.

    1. I love that Joseph, simple and true, and just a case of priority. What do we really want in life? If we want more love then let us live it more every day.

      1. We can’t begin to fathom how deeply embedded in love we all already are, it’s just that we choose to behave in ways that constantly interfere with our ability to know this as a living fact.

    2. But life is amazing that way in that all the projects we initiate are opportunities to live love whenever, wherever, we never have to just close the doors and learn about love. Love is in our every bit of Livingness, how intelligent this is?

    3. We may say some things we want more than love in life such as money or status and we work hard for them. But honestly there is nothing more we want more than love, any substitute is to not want to face the fact that we have not chosen love as our priority or we think we do not deserve it, we have lost trust and touch, because we have not consistently made this choice. To cover up this grief we find a zillion of other distractions rather than just choosing love again.

  32. Our whole being and our whole heart beats to love, we simply have to reignite it when we realise the most amazing, most deep, most profound love you can have for someone you can also share with yourself every day.

  33. The list of ideas we can have about Love is infinite it can seem – ironic as the depth of beauty and simplicity True Love presents is absolutely endless. There are no conditions that need to be met, just a quality lived and continually presented.

  34. “My view on God does not have a Bible to back it up, only my heart.” We can ask ourselves, where can God be found? In our hearts or in a book?

    1. I love your comment Nikki – and what would you trust more, what would you define your life on, even navigate your life from – a book or your heart?

      1. It’s almost comical – I have the view of someone navigating territory trying to follow their guidebook and working out where they are based on the book. Or someone who has their head up, walking and seeing what is around them.

  35. “My view on God does not have a Bible to back it up, only my heart.” I wonder, were people’s view on God supported by their heart as well, before the bible was written?

  36. Totally gorgeous Adele, your blog took me through all the turmoil my quest for true love has brought me, to a moment of immense love and appreciation for the true love I now Know that is forever growing, expanding and loving me back.

    1. This pool of love is endless and the more we can confirm and appreciate the volume that awaits when we ask for more and more there is nothing else but a deeper understanding of what is on offer for ALL.

  37. Amazing sharing Adele and because of our ingrained patterns and behaviours of what we think Love is to start to break this down and connect to our true Love has to come with us being Loving towards ourselves, which at times we can find difficult. Each day being gentle and caring towards ourselves we start to feel the Love that is available and that it has been there all along we are simply choosing to have it in our lives.

  38. It is we who put a condition on love and not love that puts a condition on us, for it is the beholding light of Thy Father and it knows no other way to shine.

    1. And with the conditions we put on love, we can’t see past them nor feel the truth of love. We only feel our misinterpreted version.

    1. There is no limit to what is on offer just the thoughts that come it to not allow the full strength that lies within us all.

  39. The mind conjures a million fears and theories, the heart feels the universe as one in a sec. The simplicity of this is what leads us to feel truly free in ourselves. Thank you Adele for your Love story.

  40. The seeming way of love we learn is in no way love and does not allow love to flourish either. All that guarantees is a body devoid of love waiting to be loved to start feeling alive.

  41. Love is a quality we can choose. No one else can deliver this, but just inspire by way of example. So let’s quit all this trying to be liked and impress, admired or adored – the responsibility is all ours, why continue to pretend it’s any other way? Thank you Adele.

  42. It is the gate we have placed there in order to be less vibrant to receive love, but in fact we can not stopped being loved, we can only stop ourselves from feeling it.. So beautiful how you have described this example, and how much truth comes alive in us when we open up to love, to being loved and being yourself — feeling yourself in your truth and sensitivity.

  43. To live the love we are asks us to let go all of the what’s not that love.
    Then naturally the love is there, coming from within. Just taking away the layers we put on it, sometimes for a very long time.

  44. When we are open to the integrity and depth of true love we can see and feel its support everywhere both within and around us.

  45. It is absurd how we cast conditions upon ourselves when it comes to love when in truth that is who we are by nature and there is nothing to do but just be, and nowhere to go.

  46. It is one of the ugliest beliefs that love comes from anywhere before it comes from with-in. Some people spend eons running around in circles looking for this illusive glimpse of love coming from outside to fill them up. Sometimes if we stop for long enough we may get a glimpse of another’s loving reflection, which activates our inner knowing that love actually comes from us first. Simple and true, this is the reflection Serge Benhayon offers humanity.

  47. When we express love we want something back from the outside thereby not seeing that when we truly express love it comes back by the quality in our body when we express love.

    1. We should express love with no expectation, it should be our daily movement. It is this true love we get back from others reflection, as long as our every movements is with love.

  48. “Although I do have a job or two, and I provide for myself and my son, I can’t help but share with a wink that my real job is knowing myself and reflecting that in every part of my life” . . . I love this playfulness Adele. And I love this blog and it is so very true . . . “Love can only love me back” and the only way we can truly ever feel loved is to embrace the love that we are.

  49. I thought we all should be loving and that if someone was not they should be ready to apologise. I thought it was their job to come clean and make peace with teary eyes. But what I have come to learn is that if we see and feel something that’s not right it’s our job to process this, to raise it with our friends or just nominate that this harming energy is not them. To continue on holding them to task for these things that happened in the past is how evil starts. Thank you Adele for sharing here.

  50. Adele beautiful to reread your blog today, and a great reminder to love each other for who we are, to be accepting of others’ choices and never to judge.

  51. This is so beautiful to come back to Adele; I could feel myself bathed in love as I read. And in this moment in time these words felt so profound to read and to feel – “My view on God does not have a Bible to back it up, only my heart”. I wonder if those who use the Bible to back up their beliefs have allowed themselves to feel the truth of what they are reading, as I have today?

    1. Yes, I have also found this beautiful and confirming to return to and “My view on God does not have a Bible to back it up, only my heart” speaks volumes for the foundation of The Way of The Livingness that has no ‘bible’, just life.

  52. Knowing that by natural law it is guaranteed that what we put out necessarily comes back would make us much more aware and deliberate in our attitude, intention and action.

  53. It is as if we once outsourced love to then find us forever looking outside of us to get it back again. Love is only within, shared from within and received from within. Love outside of us is not love but a mere surrogate.

    1. I grew up thinking I had to look for love outside of me, so off I went to find it, later to find out that it is not outside but within. How lucky I have been to have got to this understanding.

  54. Breaking the definitions around love and the beliefs that hold it to be a certain way or doing a certain thing and not simply just you truly being. I have chased love around the place and never thought I would find it truly with me and not in any chase. Building this love, which is not truly a build but more of a reawakening is one of the single most important keys to setting ourselves free. It makes sense to first know what love truly is in our own bodies and from there naturally it will be in every other part of our life. Everything and everyone you touch or interact with will be an extension of the love you already hold. It turns the world that is saying you are needing to look into the world to find love when all along the look was needing to consistently turn within.

  55. The cat is out of the bag and shown to us in such a clear way – thinking, on its own will ruin any day. Moving in connection with our heart, our breath and our body builds a Love we’ll never doubt or worry about. It’s always there if we just take care. Thank you Adele for the reminder of what Love truly means.

  56. You sum up beautifully Adele how we can pursue endless options for fulfilling ourselves – God knows the world has a big menu of these – but none of them work. Whichever way you look at it, it’s clear to me we’ve had things upside down and back to front – it is we who are here to be and illustrate Love – it’s not something we are to demand from someone else. So let’s get on with living this way.

  57. Simple title yet powerful words. Keep searching for love from another and sooner or later we all discover it has been waiting patiently for us to return from within.

  58. When we come to know the quality of true love it is then we understand how love can never discriminate, measure, judge, hold expectations, be bought, sold or owned. Love is a beholding quality the emanates from the light of who we are, always embracing and calling us to be more love as such is the great equaliser representing the truth of us all. As in essence we are all love, as such we are all inherently equal.

  59. This is beautiful..touching all the areas I am feeling within myself. Feeling that old way which I have lived which is partly of what I live today, feeling the actual loss of me investing in everything that I was not.. At the same time feeling indeed that love is true and can only love you back – its a given, so time to give that all the way to myself and discard all the unloving ways.

  60. Thank you for this beautiful blog Adele. The ‘things we do for love’ are not love at all and it’s easy to see that the struggle for recognition and acceptance is one that will only end when we choose to be the love that we are.

  61. Your blog summarises so beautifully the apparent conundrum of human life. We feel we cannot be open raw and real with everyone but only to a select few we truly trust and feel connection with. But this is simply not true because it is all coming from seeking love outside of us instead of being the love we truly are first which does not need Love back from anyone.

    1. Yes as well as that we all hold back our love because an ideal collectively creating the loveless ways of society in this way. One has to start.

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