Recently I took my car in for what I knew would be a very expensive service. It had just clocked up 100,000 k’s and I knew this involved the replacement of the timing belt and that I was looking at a bill of around $1400. Unlike other times I’ve taken my car for a service where I’ve felt the anxiety of parting with the money that was due, on this occasion it was the most wonderful experience. From the journey to my mechanic, to the interactions before leaving my car with him, to paying the bill and to driving my car home… it all felt absolutely amazing.
It felt amazing because for as long as I can remember I have had a challenging relationship with money. It wouldn’t matter whether I had a lot of money or a small amount; I could never seem to keep it and it always seemed to be running out. It was as if I was in a perpetual panic state about money, wondering where it was going to come from, fearful of losing it and terrified as to whether I would be OK… I had this deep-seated, unexplained fear of becoming destitute.
Of course, this attitude and relationship with money, had ramifications with how I interacted with the world. At work for example, I would have this underlying fear that if my boss decided I wasn’t good enough, he would get rid of me, I’d have no money, I’d be left destitute (that word again) and so on. So I would never really be at ease, trusting that perhaps I’m actually doing a great job just as it is and that I don’t have to be so anxious. Having this constant anxiety meant that there was no room for creativity. Whatever task I’d perform would feel constricted and stifled, always terrified that it might not be up to par, and of the horrendous consequences that could follow.
This, was not a fun way to live on a day to day basis.
Up until the time I came across Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I put a lot of effort into ignoring how awful this felt. I did this by never sitting still, never wanting to feel how horrible it actually felt in my body to have this constant anxiety. With the support offered through Universal Medicine, I started to connect to myself more and I realised how disconnected I had been up until then. The more I connected to myself, the more I could feel that my issues around money were bringing up an enormous amount of anxiety in my body and that this felt horrible. So I started to examine my attitudes and behaviours around money.
What I came to realise was that my relationship with money had a huge amount to do with how I saw myself and how I would treat myself: I didn’t value myself very highly, but I didn’t really want to look at this. So I would look outwards always seeking a distraction or a fix, be it at a clothes shop, a workshop, a trip away. It was all about the quality I was in when I was deciding what to do with my money or how to spend my money. If I felt inadequate and didn’t want to feel this, I would often smother that feeling by buying something. The trouble was, I would be making the purchase in the quality of feeling unworthy and even though I might have been getting a bit of a buzz initially, deep down I would still feel pretty low about myself.
On the other hand, if I purchased something knowing that this product or service would nurture me and support me to take more care of myself, then the quality would be totally different. The item I would purchase would feel lovely, regardless of what it actually was, and I would feel lovely as I was making the purchase and afterwards. There would be none of those yucky feelings of anxiousness or guilt around it – instead, lots of joy.
The more I would ‘get’ this, the more the choices I would make around money started to change. I would start to enjoy this very different feeling: I’d meander around shops, look at items that appealed to me and feel whether it was true to purchase them or not. I would do this by registering the feeling in my body. If it didn’t feel right, I would feel the start of the anxiousness I was very familiar with from the past. And I didn’t want that! If it did feel right, my body would feel expanded, I would feel the resounding ‘yes’, that this item or service would support me, be it in a fun-loving way or whatever way that may be. This, was a much more joyful way to shop!!
What I also started to notice was that I trusted myself more. It was as if I could hear and feel a warm and steady foundation in me that knew that, provided I take responsibility, I would be looked after, because I was making the choice to take care of myself first. This has been a massive turnaround. It has meant that less and less do I go into my workplace in the anxiety that I’m not performing as well as I should be. It has meant that my confidence in myself is building. And it is this that is building a totally new relationship with money and with me.
So my trip to the mechanic for my most recent car service simply confirmed to me how joyful it actually is, when I commit to making loving choices with money, choices that will look after me. I felt more joy paying for my car service than I’ve felt buying a gorgeous dress or piece of jewellery. This was because it was not so much about the actual ‘thing’ I had purchased. It was the dedication I could feel to committing to looking after me, and using my finances to support this. And that, is priceless…
By Anonymous
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
It is interesting to note that when we buy something to attempt to change how we feel – in my experience we simply end up confirming what we felt in the first place. It seems to me that this is because whatever our desire – i.e. to change how we feel – our actions are first and foremost based on the fact that we don’t feel good and hence are in fact a confirmation of the feeling we don’t want in the first place. We need to go deeper than this superficial level of interaction and change the fundamental root of the feeling if we really want to change it.
I bought a winter jacket recently. It was more money than I would usually pay for a jacket but my criteria was different this time. The purchase was based on self-love, a choice made to buy something that would ensure I stayed warm even on the coldest of days – and I love it – it feels like pulling on a duvet to go out walking the dog in. Despite the cost it was for sure, money well spent and an act of love for myself that is in fact ‘priceless’.
An article full of a wisdom we all know, but don’t want to be responsible for knowing, and hence, have to see just how little we truly support ourselves. Yet it is only through feeling that we deserve way more love and support, will we then give it to ourselves.
It is amazing how the bodies responses let us know what is true or not for us. If there is unease it is asking us to look a little deeper as you say Fumiyo.
On re-reading this I feel the grace of being given a stop moment. I have pondered some on my relationship with money recently and have come to understand I have had a tendency to not appreciate how much it really does support me. On reflection I can see that there is a deeper invitation to support myself with deep appreciation and acceptance of the beauty, tenderness and love that I am.
So many people struggle in their relationship with money and never come to the awareness needed to overcome or transform it into something deeply supportive like you have. The commitment and the foundation you have developed for yourself is remarkable and your sharing invaluable in what it can offer another.
‘When I commit to making loving choices with money, choices that will look after me.’ This is so profound, there is no strain in spending money on truly supportive things, I also feel the quality in which we make the money effects, or influences, the way we spend it.
I’ve had a similar relationship with money in the past, using it to confirm my self worth or to avoid looking at my lack of self worth and using purchases as a temporary means of escape, though never feeling fully fulfilled and often guilty for spending the money in the first place. Whether I had money or didn’t have money didn’t seem to affect how anxious I often felt about it! As a result of developing a more relationship with myself, I’ve also developed a more supportive relationship with money and these days see it much more as a support for me, rather than an escape from me.
So much more fun to go shopping or buying anything with your body as a trusted friend than allowing you mind to spoil the fun.
I love what you have shared here Katarina, very supportive for anyone, not just those with money ‘issues’. It does feel super lovely to spend our money on things that truly support us and they could be very very practical things. I have been spending money on house repairs and maintenance and the difference in my body is huge. It’s also opening up my relationship with my partner even more, which I never would have expected. So there is an effect when we don’t spend the money that we need to or address things as they come up too, rather than leaving them until later (whenever that may be).
When you feel into what is really supporting you to spend your money on there is always an effect on the money flow. Holding on to money out of fear that you do not have enough money to provide in daily basic items leads to a stagnation in your money flow. Money gives us such a great reflection.
This is such a different way of approaching finances and feeling into what really is the energy the money flows in, and how it effects us.
It has been a turn around for me also, in learning to appreciate the people that support me and appreciating their value and service. I often paid a bill at the last moment feeling I was getting an edge by holding onto the money, not appreciating the service that had been offered. Now I realise I cannot value, appreciate and love myself if I don’t hold that equally with another. I’m also not holding the resistance of parting with ‘the cash’ in my body and I can feel the openness to not holding back.
It’s fascinating how we use the acquisition, retention and spending of money to distract from what we don’t want to feel and as such completely disregard what’s going on with our body and the hurts we may be carrying. No surprise then, that when we make a purchase that serves us fully – such as a car service or home repairs, it feels totally right to be parting with the cash, because on a deeper level it is totally supportive of us and our bodies.
It is so beautiful that we have the ability to change patterns and in the end we can live totally free of the unhealthy behavior. Isn’t that miraculous?
Yes Linda beautiful to develop that quality – ‘This has been a massive turnaround. It has meant that less and less do I go into my workplace in the anxiety that I’m not performing as well as I should be. It has meant that my confidence in myself is building. And it is this that is building a totally new relationship with money and with me.’
Yes Harry it can be easy to get carried away and not listen to our inner knowing.
Decisions regarding money and the purchase of anything, a service or an article are the same as any other decision they serve best made from a place of Love and honoring of yourselves.
Amazing how, how we value ourselves comes out in how we use and express with money. And how this is just a surface reflection of the deep seated values and beliefs that we essentially have about ourselves. So, by addressing the deeper held behaviours the more obvious surface ones are already taken care of. This puts a new perspective on many of the solutions available today for financial health and stability.
‘What I also started to notice was that I trusted myself more. It was as if I could hear and feel a warm and steady foundation in me that knew that, provided I take responsibility, I would be looked after, because I was making the choice to take care of myself first.’ I feel this too. it is as if a part of me had been left abandoned and now I am reclaiming it and becoming whole and full again and there is a sense of celebration and joy in this.
I love that statement too Elaine Arthey! That the level of trust we have that we are taken care of is directly related to the level of care and support we give ourselves.
That’s beautiful. Holding ourselves as precious… When you put it like that, it challenges how I live each day and my choices moment to moment.
I love the simplicity and wisdom shared in this blog Katarina, and the timing is perfect for me to read this as I have a major car service coming up soon as well. I know my relationship with money needs shifting and this blog is a beautiful support for me especially this line – ‘ if I purchased something knowing that this product or service would nurture me and support me to take more care of myself, then the quality would be totally different.’
Great comment Anna. I know me relationship with money needs shifting also. Having grown up in a very poor family I still struggle with poverty thinking. This line stood out to me too
“if I purchased something knowing that this product or service would nurture me and support me to take more care of myself, then the quality would be totally different.’
A timely re-read and I understand what you are saying more deeply now. I recently approached a quote for large expenditure with anxiety and internally nothing felt right. I have since taken the space to approach it again from a place of knowing the work to be done is important to my foundations and therefore deserves care and consideration of each step in the process, and the anxiety is diminishing with each decision made.
‘What reading this blog again highlighted this time is that we are enough and are worth investing in and supporting financially and when we start from that basis we will be and have enough.’ Thank you for this confirmation Leigh which is really relevant for me in my employment situation currently. I have spent so much of my working life starting from the ‘I am not enough’ premise which is then reflected in not having enough but I am looking at how I can change this and whether it means changing jobs/careers.
I am in the same boat Helen in terms of changing jobs. I have no idea where I will go but I know my feelings won’t steer me wrong. The more that self-worth builds the less attracted I am towards jobs that are dishonouring and/or abusive regardless if they are high pay, something I used to strive for in a lack of self-worth, often believing ‘I need more’ from the outside. The job might pay well and allow us to buy loads of things but without feeling that we are enough it all comes tainted and is never enough to fill that hole within.
“What I came to realise was that my relationship with money had a huge amount to do with how I saw myself and how I would treat myself: I didn’t value myself very highly, but I didn’t really want to look at this. So I would look outwards always seeking a distraction or a fix,” So many of us today go to ‘retail therapy’ to try and fix feeling bad about ourselves. This doesn’t work beyond the brief contentment at the time of purchase. However when I value myself and shop to confirm that feeling in me, the feeling is very different. I love how you now look at your necessary spending, like car servicing etc, all so essential to the lives we lead today. I shall value – and enjoy – paying my bills so much more.
This blog is such a testament to the power of our intention to change the way we can be or feel in a situation. We can feel anxious and in fear of not having enough money or in deep appreciation of the fact that we are spending money in a way that greatly supports ourselves. I can imagine the mechanic would have felt a big difference in the way you approached paying for this service. So many people must pay feeling resentful or fearful of parting with their money, but to receive appreciation and joy, now that’s a gift, and a two way exchange.
I can absolutely relate to feeling anxiousness come up when thinking about buying something that I don’t really need. And the different feeling of solidness and at ease when going to invest in something that will genuinely support me.
Aimee in the past few years I have been sole keeper of my finances and it has been interesting to seek advice and support, but still remain in the conversation and be informed without loosing myself and handing all my power over, after all I choose to feel which direction and what I invest in as that can entail more than just the bottom line.
On re-reading this blog I’m recalling a time when I literally could not spend money on myself. This was even when money was not in short supply. Looking back I realise that I was so disconnected from myself it was very hard for me to feel what would be supportive, and I definitely did not value myself highly. This has changed immensely since I have built self-love into my life again, and brought self-nurture into my daily routine. It is lovely to buy something that just feels right, be it an object or a service.
Without doubt in the past I have been an honorary shopaholic but as I focused more and more on building my qualities the less need I felt to shop. The fact that I feel I am and have enough just as I am is indeed a ‘priceless’ revelation.
When I first sought the support of an expert in this area much came up for me too. I wanted to hide some aspects of my finances for fear of being judged and realised I held shame around not knowing how to do money in truth on my own. It was then that I realised that shame was part of my issue with money and that working with this expert would help uncover the other areas in which I held money with fear, judgement or shame. It was also then that I realised that I don’t have to know how to do everything myself and that support and guidance are actually part of a bigger healing in all areas of my life.
This is true Alexis. I too have been indecisive about buying things for myself but the more we develop a loving relationship with ourselves the less the money is an issue. Money can then be used in a more loving way.
Many of us, have an issue with ‘money’ at some point in our lives, it does feel to be symbolic of our relationship with ourselves, the question comes of what do feel we are worth…If we do not have self worth then our relationship with money reflects this and many other behaviour patterns. I feel mine particularly reflected my lack of responsibility in life, if I had money I would spend it and not pay attention to the bills coming and did not plan for the future, which is also connected to my self worth. I can see in practical terms over the last 10 years or so that through building a foundation of care and love in my life my finances have reflected this change. The inspiration I felt from attending Universal Medicine presentations concerning returning to a place of connection with the inner self and building love in my life have been ‘priceless’ an awesome experience to have shared in and I can see how my choices are having a big impact on my quality of life and yes my relationship with money.
‘provided I take responsibility, I would be looked after, because I was making the choice to take care of myself first’. This line really stood out for me today, will take this into my day!
I love the angles you are putting light to regarding money. How it all comes back to us, how much we value ourselves. What I realized reading your blog, I do like when things get repaired and it is “ok” for me to pay for it, but it is not as much joy as buying a jacket for example. You said: I felt more joy paying for my car service than I’ve felt buying a gorgeous dress or piece of jewellery.
I like that, because you are appreciating your own care for yourself. Thanks for inspiring me to appreciate my loving choices, that I always done, more and don´t see it as less amazing expense.
Thank you . From this I realise how much my attitude towards the cars that I drive has changed. I used to care only if the engine worked well, if the outside was rusty or looked a bit rough it didn’t matter, or at least that is what I said. I actually feel that I did care back then it is just that I didn’t feel I could have both. Like wise there has been an underlying belief that it is what is inside a person that counts so if I look scruffy it doesn’t matter: a way to justify my disregard. Nowadays I regularly wash my car and have it serviced and I am much more caring about myself and the way I present myself to the world on a regular basis not to be recognised or make a good impression but for my own sense of well being.
What a great revelation Elaine! I love it too cleaning my car, what I did yesterday and going regularly to the services needed. It feels like tidying up – comparable with cleaning my house. And YES, both is possible 🙂
A great blog on how when you value yourself, then your relationship with money changes beyond recognition, no matter how big the decision, or how much money you have got.
“Committing to looking after me, and using my finances to support this” – Yes responsibility with money – I love this.
“…that I trusted myself more. It was as if I could hear and feel a warm and steady foundation in me that knew that, provided I take responsibility, I would be looked after, because I was making the choice to take care of myself first” – what a profound understanding and awesome way to choose to live!
Interesting to bring attention to this link “What I came to realise was that my relationship with money had a huge amount to do with how I saw myself and how I would treat myself” I got me pondering my relationship with money, I appreciated that it has also improved and become more stable through my gaining more self worth and appreciation, for me just being me. In the past I would almost throw it away as soon as a I got it, now I save much more and I appreciate spending it on different things that support me.
So true James and a timely reminder that; ‘how we treate ourselves in one area effects all other areas or our life’s’, and all areas of our lives are equally important.
Wow this was awesome and really supportive to read, I know that I still get anxious around money and need to look at this. What you said here made me realise that I do this quite a bit instead of valuing myself ‘It was all about the quality I was in when I was deciding what to do with my money or how to spend my money. If I felt inadequate and didn’t want to feel this, I would often smother that feeling by buying something. The trouble was, I would be making the purchase in the quality of feeling unworthy and even though I might have been getting a bit of a buzz initially, deep down I would still feel pretty low about myself.’
‘provided I take responsibility, I would be looked after, because I was making the choice to take care of myself first’. Perfect and timely reminder for me today!
I guess many people have an issue with money, although they might be very different. Your example is brilliant and shows a loving way how to imprint a new way to purchase things, clothes etc.
What a blessing it is to read this blog again. I have found I go into a whole range of justifications when it comes to spending money but the truth is so simple. Just listen to my body, if I am feeling anxious and a purchase I am considering does not feel like it is caring and supportive – don’t buy it. Priceless indeed and this awesome blog is a very gorgeous and supportive gift – free to all.
Thank you Katarina for an awesome blog, I found this very supportive in developing a more honest relationship with money. In the past I used to spend money as a distraction to not feel the misery I was living in, I’m now developing more trust and awareness when it comes to spending on things that truly support me and it feels awesome.
Lots of people can relate to a sense of this, I’m sure; I can say the feeling of anxiety around money has been profound at times too. The tendency to contract further when feeling an uncomfortable feeling to do with money, just makes things worse (like then working in contraction and fear at work or in business for example) – all leads to poorer performance and really unhappy work days. With building trust that regardless of what comes-up ahead of us, we’re completely equipped to deal with it, makes for a much more fluid experience and feeling on the matter.
Great blog, I could really relate to using money to fill an emptiness, but never truly evaluating if I was using money to support and provide what I needed in a loving way. I really appreciate all that’s written here as it’s the first blog I have come across on this topic and really wonderful to explore this for the first time. Thankyou.
Over the years through making more self loving choices my relationship to money and how I spend it has changed a lot. I too used to have a lot of anxiety about money of not having enough and not really knowing how to spent it ‘wisely’. But through taking more loving care of myself spending money has become a part of these loving choices and not so much a holding tight or having duels in my head whether or not and for what, I allow myself to spend money on.
I can very much relate to shopping for distraction when I don’t really need the item. And then the anxiousness of having to return it before the 28 days are up. Or feeling guilty that I bought it when it would have been more loving to spend the money on something that would support me.
Thanks for expanding on what we all know on one level but for taking it to a deeper level. I often hear around me (and I have partaken in it as well) the term ‘retail therapy’ and that when things are a bit off/down/angry/sad etc….we will go out and buy a new something to make ourselves feel better….shopping malls are built and made on this premise! And whilst we may recognise it on one level, there is much deeper at play here and that we often purchase to allay an anxiety and if we truly did -stop-connect-feel – would we want to keep that purchase that was bought in that feeling?? And I am pretty sure we know the answer to be no because so much of what we buy ends up in the op shops. Thanks for sharing your experiences about money and exploring a different way to be with it.
So many insights about how we relate to money and to our self here. I relate to so much of what you have written and have also come away with loads to ponder on. How supportive would it be if such an article was used in education to explore and develope an understanding.
Beautifully inspiring article, it makes me feel that I have not always felt into what to buy from my money, and how I can appreciate and makes purchases that are truly caring for myself
Thank you for shedding light on the way we spend our money –your example reminds me of how carelessly and lovelessly we deal with other people when the money we pay them for a service or goods is handed over carelessly and lovelessly, or with self-loathing and disdain, or with the sentiment of having been hard done by. It shows and everybody can feel it, but it is as though we don’t want to own up to the fact that it is how we treat each other – all the while pretending that it doesn’t matter.
I too have noticed my relationship with money change as my relationship with myself has changed from one of self-loathing to self-love. I am now so very aware of the quality I am in when shopping and can make more loving choices about where I spend my money. And it’s true that the fear of not having money does not have such a strong grip anymore. This is definitely a different and much needed approach to our relationship with money.
“What I came to realise was that my relationship with money had a huge amount to do with how I saw myself and how I would treat myself..” – I’ve seen this as well, how we are feeling about ourselves and life can make such big difference to the way in which we spend.
This is true Fiona, the more content I feel within myself, the less I need to spend money on things to distract me.
Such a cool blog… very supportive…. This all starts to expose so much about our relationship with money. There is lots to ponder on here….thank you.
I have been having a difficult relationship with money for quite some time. I am not earning as much as I would like to and this makes me feel anxious. Like you say, I was feeling how I valued myself, and what I brought into my work -place had a lot to do with it, but I hadn’t quite got to the trust bit you mentioned, which makes a lot of sense about where I am currently at. I am inspired. Thank you.
Thank you for drawing the parallel between buying things with a sense of unworthiness of self and the consequent anxiety and lack of enjoyment; it really makes sense and explains why shopping as of itself doesn’t solve any problems and doesn’t increase one’s self-worth.
I really notice the difference between when I am shopping and feeling connected with how I am feeling – there is a smooth flow, and items seem to jump off the rail… no struggle. Whereas if I feel disconnected then it can be a slow torture, nothing is quite right and each shop seems to be lacking anything suitable. Rather than blaming the outside world for this, I’ve realised it has much more to do with how I am feeling!
Money is a huge anxiety starter for me…pretty much the way you have explained it. I wouldn’t want to look at things so I would buy something to distract me.. .then have that guilt for buying it afterwards. Now I have a question from your blog to ask myself before I buy anything: ‘is this going to be supporting me or not?’ Love it.
It is ‘priceless’, I have been coming to realise that our relationship with money has so much to show us about how we relate to the world and also how we value, give ourselves worth. It is interesting to look at how we spend money and that can be a confirmation and celebration. A lovely experience shared in this article – Thank you.
This has been my experience also Samantha… I’ve also realised that the relationship I have with myself directly impacts the relationship I have had (and am now developing) with money, and that the more I commit to truly taking care of myself and working on my self worth (which essentially for me has simply been working on reconnecting back to who I naturally am), the more supportive my relationship with money is becoming. There are still moments of resistance for me and stuff that comes up around money, but the more I commit to just being me, the more these moments are getting less and less…
I recently spent £80 on getting the car valeted, what a treat, the car came back absolutely gleaming inside and out, looking better than it ever has since we bought it. This was a case of doing something that was to turn out to be supportive for the whole family. A few years back I would never had dreamed of spending so much on getting the car cleaned, as it is something I would prefer to do myself and save the cash. It was money well spent and will be something I will invest in more often.
I can relate to what you say about having your car serviced. I recently put my car in to be repaired while I was away for a week. The heating wasn’t working and now it is blowing out warm air again, which I feel is so supportive during the UK winter months.
I find it amazing how much I can let money rule my life. I have and still do definitely have issues around money and that destitute mentality where I worry about running out and for me this is a work in progress. It is great to read of the trust you are placing in buying things that are supportive and how this is developing a positive relationship with money.
I spent 23 years believing I could not pay rent, so “making do” in many compromising and transient situations…A year ago I rented my first really nice supportive place and not only have I been pulling it off but I have LOVED paying my rent every single month! This is so huge and its all about valuing myself and doing it because I know the support I receive from this choice is worth every penny.
Well said, Ariana. This is a great practical wisdom…spending money to avoid our feelings is something I can certainly relate to, so great to have it ‘outed’ some more in this wonderful blog.
I enjoyed this article and will stop to consider more deeply where I am at when spending money, thank you.
When I saw the title of your blog, I smiled – it’s actually what I have been looking at, and yep I see the connection between how I am with myself is expressed in how I use money, and how I feel about it — well expressed — THANK YOU!