by Judith Andras, Germany
Up until I turned 32 my life was a constant emotional drama. I had been through six relationships, and in between flings and one night stands always looking for my fairy prince, for Mr. Right, the man who was supposed to be my soul mate and who would complete me.
All these men were ‘good’ men, they tried hard to make me happy, but they couldn’t fill the emptiness inside – they could not give me what I was yearning and looking for. And so there was always something not ‘right’, something to complain about, to argue about…. the grass seemed so much greener on the other side of the fence.
When I look back today I can see my behaviour toward these men wasn’t fair. I asked for something they were not able to give me: a feeling of self-worth, to feel content within me… something I’ve slowly learned over the past ten years can be only given to me by myself.
At 32, something changed in my life: I met a person, Serge Benhayon, who reflected to me a lifestyle that was somewhat known to me, however I and people around me were far away from living like this. At first glance it didn’t seem very different, but over the years the difference became more obvious.
Over these years Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart.
It wasn’t that easy to stop the drama – I was what you can call an emotion-junkie. Emotions made my life colourful and made me feel alive, they defined and identified me. But I began to realise that they were draining me and that I had reached a point of deep exhaustion and did not have the strength to continue.
I realised that relationships were essential for my abusive, dramatic behaviour and I decided to stay single for a while to learn to look inside and find myself instead of looking outside for the ‘right’ man.
In this process I realised that I was buried deeply under a lot of destructive thoughts, behaviours and patterns that came into the light once I started digging. I had a lot of realisations, which led to shame, guilt and self-criticism, but in the end it was worth it and I found gold. I found a deep capability to feel and be love for myself and others, I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing – it feels like a mountain stream: full of life, joyful, vital, yet with a stillness and steadiness: I feel and look younger.
Today I am married – a commitment that I could have never imagined I would make. The reason I got married is not because I found Mr. Right but because I learned over these last years that a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it. It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.
Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else! Writing this I realise what a huge step that is for me and how much love I have allowed in, to be able to say this today!
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Loving ourselves first, is part of building a true relationship with ourselves, so we do not seek worth, value and recognition from another.
This reminded me of a video of a wedding of a young couple that I recently saw, in which the brides says ‘Love is easy’ and it hit me like, ‘Of course!’ It’s like, why would we so stubbornly invest in making it complicated – other than for sheer indulgence, when that is what we already naturally are?
Looking back I would say that was me in my early years, I thought a life without drama was dull, but it was not because I enjoyed it but because that was what I thought was normal. Now I look back at all the choices I made and wonder why!
Its a profound realisation that people cannot give you what you deeply crave.. a feeling of self worth. The only person who is responsible for me being in love is me, likewise for you, and you and you. When we take responsibility like that we can always bring love to any relationship. And then it is up to the other person to be in it too.
We can’t expect others to be something we are not. If we want true Love it always starts with us,
So true, we have to live the Love we want to see from others.
Wow, I wonder how many people in the world could say this ‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!’, there is so much contentment in your words and your knowing that you have everything you could wish for right there with you.
Many of us can relate to the blog feeling that we too had a pattern of very destructive behaviour towards ourselves and others. And Serge Benhayon has been a tremendous support to all those people that can feel that there was something missing in their lives. Our whole society is geared towards looking outside of ourselves for love and happiness and this is such a lie because to find the love we truly seek is within us all just waiting to be reconnected to it resides in the inner heart of all of us.
It’s very inspiring Judith to read your story about how contented you are now after discovering your own love and healing yourself with the support of Universal Medicine. There is so much angst around love and relationships, once we find the love within it completely changes the dynamic within relationships and what their purpose is.
I used to think that it was a positive and goof thing to show your emotions. But now that I understand the stress and tension that our emotions put our bodies under I now appreciate the fact that I no longer have the high and low swings that I used to experience with my own emotions, and instead am able to remain steady and unaffected by much of life for a majority of the time.
This is a beautiful blog, and these words ring so true for me: ‘there was always something not ‘right’, something to complain about, to argue about’ because in my past that’s how my relationships have been, always looking for what is wrong, what THEY need to change. Now I am focusing on appreciating what my partner, now husband, brings and on deepening our love with each other. It feels very different.
Appreciation is like an anchor into the heart, and out of the mind.
Changing what you describe here in this comment, appreciation as opposed to judgement or criticism is a game changer in any relationship..
Those self-built emotional roller coasters are so seductive, and once on, so very hard to get off. They become the normal way of living – or is that just existing? So many choose to keep their life-time pass to the roller coaster topped up but others, like you, have made the choice to step off and into a world where your feet are firmly on the ground, on a foundation that now holds you steady in life, not up in the air and at the mercy of those destructive emotions.
So wonderful to read the transformation of you in life since you choose to look within for love and let go of the illusion of Mr Right. Very inspiring.
There is nothing better than simply being content in our own skin.
It seems so obvious when we say or read the fact that we cannot demand or get from another that which we are not prepared to give to ourselves… be that respect, care, love…
For most of my life I have not lived this and it is great to have the support to return to this way of being that is not only natural but makes absolute sense.
And the best reason of all to be in love is that we are worth it – 100%. Its a simple truth, to be lived in every aspect of life, in every relationship.
What a profound realisation it is that self-worth and value can only be given to oneself by oneself and only then can one be content and truly love.
We ask if not demand from our partners, the very things we will not give ourselves. Be that self-worth, acceptance, treating ourselves as precious, it is not for others to provide for the greatest gift is to find these within ourselves.
So true. It is a demand and an expectation and this breaks so many potential relationships. Being prepared to Love ourselves and not expect that to come from another, to build our own self-worth, is clearly for all not just for one.
What you share Fiona L is so true, it is up to us to provide the love, care and adoration for ourselves, never to demand that from another.
Living life on a rollercoaster of emotion is absolutely exhausting. No wonder most people need caffeine to get them moving in the morning!
Or all the other addictions which are so common nowadays, like besides caffeine, comforting foods, drinks, social media, games etc. All ways to keep us moving and to not feel how exhausted we are form being on the outlook for the emotions that keeps the rollercoaster of life going.
Yes and then there are all the emotions experienced from TV shows, movies, and music, and we experience these in our bodies as if we were living them from our own situations, adding to the load of emotions in the body.
I love the steadiness that is now a natural part of my life.
Yes, an emotional rollercoaster sucks our energy away.
What I have discovered is that for most of us we are eaten up with self doubt, self worth issues and feelings of not good enough, we become emotional wrecks and then we look out to others in the way of relationships wanting them to give us what we refuse to give to ourselves which is to be seen and loved unconditionally just for who we are.
There is no Mr Right tale without a Mr Wrong one. Our mental maps trap us and do not allow us to see beyond the jail we have built (for) ourselves.
I love your honesty and the beautiful way you express Judith. So many of us can relate because emotional drama can be very addictive. Most people think this is part of life, they struggle with it and often not sure how to let it go. Your sharing helps us understand how easy it is to appreciate the green grass we are standing on and understand that emotional drama does not have to own us, we can be free of it whenever we choose.
Emotional drama is also seen as a very normal part of life, that’s why we have TV shows and movies categorised as “Drama”, we see it as captivating and entertaining and how life is.
I loved reading this celebration of yourself Judith, very inspiring, thank you.
We cannot fill another’s emptiness and until we can truly fill our own emptiness with our own self love we will never have a true relationship with another.
So beautifully and very wisely expressed Mary. And looking outside of ourselves, as most do, to fill that emptiness is such a futile exercise, as although there may be a temporary filling, it does not last, for as you say that emptiness can only be filled “with our own self love”.
What you share here Mary is so true, ‘We cannot fill another’s emptiness and until we can truly fill our own emptiness with our own self love we will never have a true relationship with another.’
When we commit to ourselves then that filters into every relationship we have.
“I asked for something they were not able to give me: a feeling of self-worth, to feel content within me.” This is true of so many relationships because of the pervasive misunderstandings of what love is. We are basically educated through many means, including music and popular culture, that love is something we get from outside of ourselves and often only from a special person, “the one”. We may give our power to an outside source to dictate our worth and value when we are wanting to be loved, when all the love is waiting right there inside of ourselves.
Beautifully expressed Melinda, I agree with you. I also notice when we lack self-worth, avoid valuing ourselves, avoid loving ourselves and avoid appreciating who we are, we struggle with relationships. So, it makes sense, in order to build strong and loving relationships, this means we first have to build that relationship with ourselves. It is so interesting to see and nominate how we often try to do it the other way round and we can clearly see so many examples of how this doesn’t work.
I don’t think we realise just how complex we make life to be when we are so hooked on emotions until we start to take a step back and see exactly what we are creating. I have been someone who has in the past been a very driven person. I did not realise until I let go of the self-created drive, just how much push and and effort I made my life to be and as a result I needed all sorts of things to keep me going, like lots of sugary foods etc, things I do not need now and life is so much simpler!
It is beautiful to appreciate how far we have come and where where we are. Lovely and inspiring to read your experience Judith.
I love the way you appreciate yourself and your choices Judith.
A beautiful reminder that the greatest love can be found not outside of us but within.
Hear, hear Carmel. When we have a strong connection to love within ourselves when we meet each other our level of love can only get stronger and continue to expand. But if we meet each other with a lack of love it becomes draining.
I get the sense here that you have given to yourself a new understanding of what relationships are about and for as you move forward in life, which is lovely because now you can begin again and learn more – about yourself especially but also about how you would like to be with people.
Learning to love ourselves first is so important in any relationship – be it romantic or otherwise.
So true Sue and this is often the most neglected relationship – the one with ourself.
Some are addicted to the emotional roller coaster, they enjoy the stimulation and the distraction it offers that further delays them from feeling the beauty and joy of true love.
When we re-connect to our essence then everyone we connect to is possibly a prefect “partner, as we have found who we are.” When connected the need to find something or for it to fit a mold is lost as the love we are dissipates everything like a drop of water in the ocean.
If we create a ‘hole’, we will seek to have it filled by all that is offered when we do not live true to the love that we are. Hence our predilection for food, drama, emotion, relationships, movies, games and anything else that numbs and distracts us from the true matter at hand which is – we are love but to what degree are we allowing ourselves to be ‘full’ of this love and express it?
The grass only seems much greener on the other side of the fence, when our own is grim. It is not about others but about us.
What a huge change to not need emotion or ‘right’ or ‘good; in your life – but rather make it about truth. This is so loving and as you share here – it is not about using others to fill us up but building a relationship within ourselves where we don’t need anything outside of us.
Ah, yes – the emotional rollercoaster. Even though it caused lot of pain and drama, I can now see how it was an indulgence I chose to be in in my emptiness.
The more we look outside ourselves for another to complete us the further away from ourselves we actually get.
Beautiful Judith, it is true as we explore that our outside view have compared us to the wrong bits, and that our truest view is to be held from our hearts inside.
Judith I enjoyed reading your story again, it’s an enormous sense of appreciation and joy knowing the changes that you have been able to make and can now live – sourced from your own love.
Usually people go on a rollercoaster for the thrill of it but when we make it about Soul and being connected first and foremost.
Being able to take stock of how we move and interact within our lives gives us much food for thought and offers us a great awareness around what is true and what is an old pattern and or behaviour that we may have carried for many lives and or years that isn’t really us at all. Awareness gives us a great opportunity to expand on the very essence of who we are and to peel back the layers that we are not, revealing the true glory that was there from day one.
This is so wonderful Judith what a joy to read and I love this part ” a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it. It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me ” so simple thank you.
“Over these years Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart.” This is the wonderful liberating truth that Serge Benhayon shares with humanity.
I too spent much of my life, way too much, looking for “the man who was supposed to be my soul mate and who would complete me.” Looking back now I can see that it wasn’t so much that I had trouble finding him but that I believed that I needed this man to be whole; that he would provide the ‘missing‘ part of me. I often wonder where this belief came from and why did it take so long for me to finally figure out there was nothing missing, that I am whole and rather amazing exactly as I am.
A massive transformation and shows how we aren’t always aware of just how much pressure and critique we put on ourselves. It can be outward actions while the starting point is the internal dialogue and from there how we speak to ourselves colours the world outside and how we speak to others. Building the awareness alone around our own internal dialogue brings a huge change to ourselves and how we see the world and if you are willing to go further then what happens is shown in this article as well.
The love that we have within is there for sharing with the world, through being who we are. The commitment to an intimate relationship offers a great path of support and evolution.
This is amazing Judith – it is the love that we have allowed in, that makes us no longer crave it from outside, but let it be from within us to the outside.
Beautifully expressed, thank you Judith, when we realise we are the one, the one who can bring to ourselves all the love that we have looked everywhere outside to find, our searching then is over our neediness is quelled, we have found the wellspring of eternal love forever flowing from our inner heart and this we bring into our relationships supporting each other to grow.
Beautiful : the love we allow in is worth all the gold in the world, as in fact nothing feels greater. Making love is in all things – we are love , so that when we connect to us, to that love – we only grow stronger. Making love is all about expressing from this true place within us.
Judith it is amazing what the power of love brings into life, and as you say true love begins with a reconnection to our own innermost heart first and to the love within. It’s a very pervasive consciousness worldwide that love is outside of ourselves and only experienced when we meet the illusive “One”. This shows how far away we all are from being connected to our true selves because our essence is actually love. It’s truly amazing what Serge Benhayon’s work can do for our own wellbeing, and also for the true wellbeing of our relationships.
What a gorgeous transformation Judith. It is incredible just how caught up we get in dramas and emotions believing that this is what animates us, and gives us false sense that we are alive. Yet it never fulfils and leaves us feeling empty and needing to seek for more. When in fact what really allows us to feel alive in a way that is far greater than any emotion or drama, is our connection to our love within, the truth of who we are. When we live from this place we then come to know what is feels like to live with true fulfilment and aliveness, where our relationships are founded on love and truth and the willingness to grow. There is nothing more enlivening than when we are open to evolution.
I really love the awareness that no one can give us what we want. It is up to us to give it to ourselves, whether we are single or married. I will now not feel upset if someone does not want to get married because they do not feel ready, the readiness is in the deepening of the relationship first with ourselves. I am deeply inspired by the deepening of energetic responsibility every day, that no matter what is going on in the world, we take this responsibility to express in the best of our ability, the fullness of ourselves.
Living life by our movements shows us a great deal for how much we are willing to then give love to ourselves. It is only when we see how our movements effect our lives and the outside support we crave when all that was ever needed was a gentle nudge to simply move, enjoy and nurture our inner garden and we then see a great shift towards love and tenderness that blooms all around us thereafter.
Judith thank you for sharing your experience when we try to find someone who fits our ideals and beliefs, and especially how we think we see a relationship should be, there is no room for a relationship to naturally grow, it is always destined to fail because no one can live up to another’s expectations. When we let go of those expectations and learn to love ourselves first, there is always room for a relationship to grow, expand and evolve as there are no expectations or pictures driving it forward.
And because you committed to true love and your expression of it instead of waiting for someone to deliver it unto you, you have constellated the perfect man to walk beside you in this journey home back to Soul. This is how it is done. It is very simple and exquisitely beautiful.
Dropping the expectation that someone else has they duty to provide us with the love we are so desperately searching for is a life-changing moment. Judith you me mention you thought your life was colourful with emotions and drama but the quality and clarity we can see and feel in life is so far beyond colour when we understand and begin to live that all of the love we have ever looked for another to give us (and so much more) is right here within us. We see into the universality of life and this becomes our everyday normal over time.
Lucy I still see that expectation for others to provide me with love even play out in friendships. It’s a huge consciousness we hold around the false version of love, it’s tendrils can pervade every kind of relationship. When we bring it back to our relationship to self and reconnect to the love within then we can begin to truly change our relationships, and be with each other in a true way.
Beautiful Judith, knowing you personal as well – I can say absolutely from my observations that you are a woman of light and love herself and does walks beside some one (in this case her husband) in equalness of grace. A woman who does no longer find her living based on being with a man or a person. A woman of her own. This is beautiful to watch and be an observant of. Thank you for your reflection – your choice to commit to love – with or without someone walking beside you.
‘Emotions made my life colourful and made me feel alive, they defined and identified me.’ This is a great understanding to get to – it can take a while to see how drama is an addiction as much as any other, and a substitute for connection and joy.
To detach yourself from drama is the greatest freedom. As we do – we break free of the entanglement and imprisonment of a limited view (you can only look a certain way and not beyond) and we break the chain and become truly aware of what is real and what is not. This is what I have been supported with by Serge Benhayon – contiously so.
We can and do spend so much time looking for love outside of ourselves, whereas it is within us all along, it is our choice to connect with this, ‘Over these years Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart.’
It´s great to stand on the same side of the fence after a similar process of self-realization, accepting and appreciating where one comes from and where one stands today by knowing the true values, principles and oneself that make living life the rich unfoldment it is meant to be instead of the misery it otherwise is.
A lot of people are buried under beliefs, ideals and pictures, many of them being self destructive, how great that you let go of these and, ‘found a deep capability to feel and be love for myself and others, I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing’. Awesome.
“Emotions made my life colourful and made me feel alive, they defined and identified me.” Such beautiful honesty. We can be so hoodwinked into thinking that emotions are us being “alive”. When hooked into this, realising their draining effect, whether they be “good” or “bad” emotions, can be super challenging.
We don’t tend to think of emotions as being addictive but they can be. Even though I don’t drink or do drugs I can see that I still seek the drama and stimulation of emotions, they can be used to fill the space within instead of my essence, the true me, and can be used to prevent me from feeling all that I don’t want to feel in the same way as food, alcohol or drugs might.
Emotions are addictive and coming to this takes quite a bit of honesty.
And how well we have behaved to hide that fact.
And that’s the difference Judith – how much of that love do you allow in and practically live it in your life? To have ultimate love is to live it yourself.
Judith I can relate to putting pressure on others to make me feel better about myself. It was very humbling to come to the realisation that only I can fill that emptiness I was feeling inside. It is an ongoing process, but I can say that I am less needy of others and I am bringing more or me to my relationships.
When we are already love confirmed as an individual, being with another in that expression is a natural progression of its expansion. And to see a couple living in that confirmation and its continuing expansion, it is such an inspiration and makes us realise the lies about relationships, especially in the form of marriages, we have been sold and buying for generations.
Absolutely beautiful sharing Judith, thank you.
“In this process I realised that I was buried deeply under a lot of destructive thoughts, behaviours and patterns that came into the light once I started digging. I had a lot of realisations, which led to shame, guilt and self-criticism, but in the end it was worth it and I found gold.”
It is this honesty to look at the destructive thoughts, behaviours and honesty and see them for what they are – a distraction to stop us from living the gold that is within. To keep us on the wheel that keeps us turning and turning around, lifetime after lifetime going no-where, until we choose to stop, look at our addictions and let them go. The teachings of Universal Medicine are an incredible tool to support you to do that, to make long-lasting change.
Beautifully shared Judith, thank you. When we connect to the love we innately are, we are the fertiliser that makes the grass green wherever we go.
Life is beautiful when we allow ourselves to be the love that we are, and we have the power to choose this for ourselves in any moment. It’s very simple living this way, as the full responsibility for self takes away the complication we otherwise can have in relationships when we make others responsible to provide us with ‘love’. We then have the opportunity to live a life of true richness from this love within, and it’s given by ourselves to our self. There can be no greater gift for ourselves and the world.
We are successfully ‘entertained’ and distracted by the drama and emotions in our lives , and then put our effort into solutions and ‘fix its’ that don’t come anywhere near the cause of our issues. We are riding a perpetual round-a bout of emotions so that we don’t have to address the hurts we feel. What I have learnt from Serge Benhayon is that when I surrender, drop into the spaciousness of my inner heart, BE the love that I truly am, my perspective on everything simplifies, and emotions do not play a part.
I find it interesting that we think that having a range of emotions is a normal part of being human, but at the same time we are just starting to note that emotions (whether our own or those taken on from others) are the source of our ill health. One day we will realise that all they do is keep us removed from each other and ourselves and also make us very sick. Then we will ask are they true?
A good question to ask Jennifer, for me emotions are not true anymore, they do not resemble how I feel inside and stand out like a sore thumb, what feels true to me has a very different quality.
Jennifer this is very true, we have normalised alcohol even though it’s scientifically proven to be linked to cancer, and it may be one day in the future we begin to understand how our emotions are linked to illness and disease also. Emotions one day may be considered just as toxic and poisonous to the body as substances we ingest.
That really is what we are all looking for, to be content and love living the life we actually live, not when x,y or z happens or ‘comes true’ but when you are living in a way that supports you to be the love you are and within that all the gold in the world is revealed.
What a game changer it is when we begin to connect to the love we all have within – such a simple step that is truly powerful and deeply healing.
There are so many ideals and beliefs about a partner in life and we are very hooked on these many possibilities and versions, but what you offer here is something completely different, that the love we seek starts with us and that it is with us all the time that we simply need to choose it and choose it for ourselves first which then will naturally unfold towards every person, as it is the quality we live in and not something to receive or gain. Love can not be taken away from us we can only choose not to be love/loving.
Beautifully said, we cannot gain or conquer love, but we can connect to it and it is available always, whether we choose to feel it or not.
Yes, so true and beautifully expressed for love requires nothing to be love nor can anything be taken from it. It is indestructible, it can only be denied.
Awesome Judith how you are now appreciating your life, I think this is the best medicine for emotional dramas and inner struggles. I caught myself thinking just yesterday how much lovelier I would feel if I was to live somewhere else, perhaps in a nicer house and drive better car etc. and then I realised what I was doing. I thought, wow where have these thoughts come from? A lack of appreciation. So thank you Judith for sharing your experience, inspiring me to appreciate my patch of green grass too.
Being able to really ‘be’ where you are, not to check out, want to be somewhere else in life is something we all can grapple with, that age old saying ‘the grass is greener on the other side’, we use this metaphor a lot. But it is in knowing fully ourselves, being claimed in that and not wanting to be elsewhere, that there can be a real settlement in the body, a knowing that where we are is exactly where we are supposed to be.
I like that you say today the grass is beautifully green wherever you are, and it probably always was, but when we are always focused on another patch of grass we do not realise how beautiful the grass is that we are staying on.
I agree Esther, this shows how often we forget to appreciate where we are and what we have been gifted with especially when we are focusing afar and forgotten to pay attention and love to what is right in front of us.
Yes, it is the appreciation that brings us home to the beauty around us.
Being an emotion junkie is I suspect a pretty common addiction. I know for myself that when I first met my now husband, I experienced for the first time a lack of need. I didn’t need him and it made me feel very uncomfortable because I thought it couldn’t be the true love I felt it was without the desperate pangs of need and longing I had always associated with love until that point. The lack of need came from the fact that I had been deepening my love of myself thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon, and so therefore did not need another to fill me as I was starting to do this for myself.
Emotions truly can take us on a roller coaster, something I did for many years, looking for Mr Right, and each time I was left disappointed and hurt and more emotional. What I came to understand was that I was looking for love outside of me, when love was inside of me all the time.
There is nothing more healing and powerful than finding and connecting to the love within us, for at last we get to know ourselves for the love that we are first and not the roles we have subscribed to in life that keep us in the misery of playing small and looking for someone to fulfill our emtiness when we are already everything we have ever dreamt of in connection to self.
Riding an actual roller coaster was never something I wanted to do, but when I look back now I can see that for many, many years I was riding an emotional one, non-stop. It was exhausting, full of dramas and the only stops I ever had were enforced ones when my body declared loudly that it could not go and presented me with an illness or disease; of course then I had to stop. To have finally got off this crazy ride has been so wonderful and life is definitely much more enjoyable and way less exhausting without the continual dramas.
I have been on roller coasters before but will never again as its stomach dropping ups and downs is not something I enjoy, but your analogy to emotions has really got me thinking Ingrid – the crazy ride we get out of emotions is actually no different.
And it feels like a beautiful commitment to yourself Judith, bringing it all.
To embody that there are some things in life that no one can give to us except ourselves is a great step forward. To give it to us is a true blessing.
Thanks Judith, you share great wisdom here – this is the kind of story we truly need in magazines and on dating websites! There is such a big difference between seeking love from another versus being willing to share our love with others…
Absolutely gorgeous Judith. What you have described as true love is exactly what my body is smiling and saying yes to too and boy oh boy, isn’t the world going to get on a ride with this being lived? Love and relationships where we are ready to let go of relationship pictures but willing to feel, deepen and hold each other. Just beautiful.
It is gorgeous that you have come to a place where you can settle knowing that you have within everything you ever searched for outside of yourself and as a result can be and expand with what you have… no longer held back by the harm of the drama you once lived in. This is a true testament to what commitment to yourself can offer.
The truest love ever to be found is in the embrace of who we are, of the eternal love we are within. A relationship we you are met in full, the truth is understood and you are called to be and shine the light you are. This then is a joy to share and open up to in all our relationships as we know in-truth that this true love is within us all.
We meet Mr (or Mrs Right) when we are ready to be love – we do not need to be love in my experience, just ready to be love.
Wise words Christoph. If we lived in this way, by being the love we are, we would no longer have the expectations others need to love us. This would completely change the quality of our relationships.
How often do we go looking for ‘greener grass’ when all the time we have been standing on the greenest grass there is? To stop the outward search for that which are convinced we haven’t got and to turn inward will show us that we have all that we need, and in fact we always have, as there is an inner wisdom we naturally posses that is far greater that anything we would ever hope to find searching outside of ourselves.
Hi Judith, an excellent definition of what it means to be in a true relationship
A beautiful example Judith of true relationship, the one we first have with ourselves and then take to all our relationships. Something to truly appreciate.
And from that moment on our relationships with others and ourselves help us evolve and there is more and more love.
Without the emotional roller coaster we are left with ourselves, the emptiness or re-connection with our glorious selves. Then if we have the partner who is willing to go there themselves there can be much joy to be shared and things to be let go of.
“All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.”
I love the way you appreciate yourself and all you have chosen Judith. The quote above helps me to feel how simple and lovely relationships can be if we choose to let go of drama, expectations and reactions.
Very true Judith, a loving relationship can flourish when both have a commitment to truth and are willing to deal with their own issues.
Thankyou Judith, yes it’s exhausting looking for that love, contentment, and self worth in others. It can also happen in family relationships, we can believe that until these change or family love is shown to us we cannot feel worth, contentment or love for ourselves. What a tangled mess love has become, and how powerfully it’s been simplified by the work of Serge Benhayon. All the love I’ve ever wanted is right there within me, no waiting is needed, giving away my power to others to experience this love does not work as its all in my choice to connect to the love already within me and live that daily.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” — Good for you Judith, our own grass is always greenest 🙂
There is so much to be said for ‘conscious presence’ for in that state of being I only see the grass beneath my own feet and no fence! My lot in life is what I make it and I do my best to keep it as simple as if I am the Son of God who has many lessons in life to learn.
Being an emotional junkie is something I could very much relate to, wanting to always talk things out with someone, reiterate my point of view, not really being able to come back to myself, which is where all the wisdom was anyway for me. This is different now, not going into the drama of things, to know that there is another way, a way that is about connection and not drama.
“I learned over these last years that a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it. It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.” This is the pot of gold we are all searching for.
The warmth of love in your words warms those who read them Judith, they have me. So lovely.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” Absolutely spot on Judith, wonderfully put.
Thank you Judith for a beautiful story finding your own love buried deep beneath your own hurts, and bringing that love out to be shared with another. Letting love in and letting love out. ‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!
This is so true, life runs so often on emotions, holding back that what is there to be lived in full, our true amazingness.
‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else! Writing this I realise what a huge step that is for me and how much love I have allowed in, to be able to say this today!’ Staying open and letting Love in – beautifully said Judith.
” . . . the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” I love that Judith as this is exactly what loving myself means – to be present and to deal with everything what is presented in that moment. I have stopped to wish to have the green anywhere else as I found out that is only distracting myself from dealing with what is in this moment.
Beautiful Judith. What I am finding is that the more loving towards myself I am, the more open, loving and intimate my relationships are becoming; it is something to deeply feel and appreciate.
Mr. Right is a picture we hold that is never ever going to come true. There is never any perfection in true love as true love with another is always an evolutionary process, deepening and forever expanding.
“I found a deep capability to feel and be love for myself and others, I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing” I can completely relate to this amazing feeling as i found this true for myself too. It took me awhile to feel and be love for myself and others,but as I let go of the hurts, anger, sadness I was able to connect to it. As I allowed to deepen the I was then able to connect to the tenderness within. The more I was open and accepting the lighter my body feels.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else! Writing this I realise what a huge step that is for me and how much love I have allowed in, to be able to say this today!” So beautiful Judith – celebrate you and all you are. It is so important to appreciate what we have.
“It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences”
I can really relate to this sentence, Judith. The relationship between myself and my husband is amazing but we have had to let go of the hurts we have held for so long. These hurts created many issues in our relationship and stopped a deeper intimacy between us.
“It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.”
A willingness for another to go there with you is so very needed, to live in a relationship where this is not present, is to live in a constant state of tension.
Love this blog Judith and I can relate to so much of what you have shared about looking for “Mr Right”, or in my case growing up waiting for my prince to come and hoping that we would live happily ever after; what an exhausting illusion that was to live for such a long time. In fact, I actually didn’t realise at the time that living like this, looking for someone to fill the emptiness inside me, was draining my precious energy which then was further drained by being “an emotion-junkie”. How wonderful to have finally got off this “emotional roller coaster”, and begun to take responsibility for filling the emptiness, by learning to love me once again.
Very very beautiful Judith, it totally explains us where you have been and what shifts in life you have made – that made your life upside down (or should I say actually in the right way!). I am amazed how you have let go of this ideal of finding Mr. Right and having found yourself and now someone who stands beside you and chooses to stand together. I mean that is so much better than waiting for someone to save you – whilst you know you can only save yourself ! Clever choice to love you.
Thank you Judith for a truly beautiful blog, coming out from the emotional hold of drama in your life, to now living in a loving committed relationship both with yourself and partner.
Thank you Judith, committing to relationship is committing to building love for oneself and with the world in an ongoing and consistent way. Working with another to nurture, expand and evolve in love is an unselfish gesture that simply benefits everyone.
The neediness of emotional love accentuates the emptiness within ourselves with the exhausting search for someone else to give it to us, whereas when we choose to connect to all the love that we already are in our inner-heart our love expands and we can share our love in equalness with another.
Finding out that our own grass is just perfect the way it is with all the right green colors gives such a sense of surrender. No need to look over all these fences, but to just be appreciative about our own grass takes away a lot of the stress and constant searching we are living with nowadays.
Judith, I love how you have talked about self worth being something that you yearned for and then realised that it could not be ‘given’ to you by anyone else. Self worth is something that each and every one of us need to work on for ourselves, and build and invest in, no one else can do this for us. It is also a constantly deepening process, which appears endless but the returns are well worth while!
“…Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand…” I love this statement, as it shows how substantial self love is, that it is the key to halting that yearning for something else out there to be ‘better than’ who and where we are at any given time. Self love is the water that fills the vessel.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” And once we realise and live that we can bring these riches to everybody else.
“a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it” and it always starts with ourselves as you exactly describe, if we do not have a deep love and understanding for ourselves we will not be able to have it for another.
Judith, how amazing is your turn around from drama and chasing the greener pastures. To being settled and living the love that has always been there with you. The truth can break the illusion that keeps us in perpetual chaos.
Thank you Judith, your journey from constant emotional drama to now steadiness and love is inspiring to read. The steps you took to heal your hurts and let go of drama in your life has allowed you the opportunity to now experience and appreciate true love in your life.
I love the way you claim all you have chosen with such joy, wonder and lightness Judith. You allow me to feel that being in a relationship with another is very simple and very beautiful when we have built a loving relationship with ourselves. This is huge for me as I have spent my life feeling that relationships are intense and complicated and almost impossible to start let alone sustain, I can see that this is an absolute reflection of my relationship with myself.
This is beautiful to read, there is no perfect partner, there is not one certain person that is made for us. It is about a commitment to love and evolution. This is why we should go into relationships, not because there is anything that needs to be filled, we are the only ones that can fill this gaping whole (which we dug ourselves..)
We get fed ideas about relationships from an early age. Even as toddlers there are stories like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty that stereotype the idea of a woman waiting to be saved or rescued by her prince. Wouldn’t it be great if it were part of the school curriculum to be taught about developing a loving relationship with ourselves first, because from that firm foundation we can then have loving relationships with others?
It’s amazing to feel how once we connect to our own love within the emptiness and need for love outside ourselves simply disappears.
What a gorgeous testament to love in it’s truest sense – feeling it within and expressing it openly and joyfully to all. Your relationship sounds amazing Judith and you have worked hard to get to a place of worthiness to let such love and adoration in. A beautiful sharing, thank you.
Thank you for sharing your gold – the fact that true love isn’t something we get from the outside to meet our needs or fill our existing emptiness; that we find it within and once we begin to live it, then we can offer that to another. This turns the whole dating game on its head and explains why we can get so disappointed. Because it all needs to start with dating ourselves first.
Absolutely Cathy. I love the way Judith identifies that it is not fair to expect that another can fill the void we have allowed within ourselves. I love the idea of dating myself and truly appreciating my own company. When I connect to my own loveliness a relationship with another feels more like a bonus than a need.
Thank you for this comment Cathy and your blog Judith! . I have always wondered why all relationships in my life have felt not fulfilling and clearly it ‘s because ‘ it needs to start with dating ourselves first!” I am in! I never thought i would come to a day where i would feel i am date-able, but i have now, and i feel the buds of romancing me, reading your words! Not only is the dating game turned on its head, but the idea of seeking love and how we relate with life and with others, takes on a whole new meaning and direction… and indeed purpose of what we are here to bring.! Huge!
Thank you Judith
A timely reminder to me that love really will not be found outside of myself💕
I love this! I have read this blog before but today it felt like I saw all you shared in a whole new way. The title alone is a confirmation for me as I can feel I have been making these same changes. For me the challenge has been getting past the “….realisations, which led to shame, guilt and self-criticism… ” simply reading “…but in the end it was worth it and I found gold” puts everything in perspective and allows me to feel that the treasure I seek is always inside me just waiting for me to notice and cherish me.
Wow Judith, so beautiful to read your blog, it is very honest and inspiring. You have exposed the illusion so many of us have fallen for, myself included, in looking to feel complete by seeking this from another person. What you’ve shared is incredible, celebrating and knowing that we are already complete and that no amount of searching or trying can achieve this until we accept who we are.
“Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” That is the most beautiful thing to feel isn’t it! Just today I realised this same thing that it is so easy to always be looking for something better that I often forget to appreciate what is already there.
Yes Lieke – how exhausting to always be looking for the greener grass or something better! The lack of appreciation to who we are and our lives makes room for the emptiness that Judith spoke of and how the search for something ‘better’ to fill it is a constant. The magic word here, like you’ve said is appreciation. Only then can we know the glory in which we are to then take the next steps in that same quality, not in searching but in confirming what we already know.
Even if we had the most loving person in front of us, through and through, we would not allow ourselves to receive it if we did not first have love for ourselves. This blows out of the water looking for the perfect partner because what we will reflect will be perfectly in line with the level of love we have for ourselves. So in truth we are constantly creating our relationships and how they are. Thank you Judith for sharing another way we can be in relationships.
It is so common, normal even, to expect something from one’s partner that they just can’t give. It’s a valid reason to break up, and the one ‘who couldn’t give’ is seen as the one at fault. But this is just not true and thank you for busting this myth.
What you’ve said is so true Suzanne – we blame the other, be it our friends, family or partners for not ‘giving us what we need’ – when all we really need is to be the love we are, lived and expressed in every breath.
I can relate to what you have written here Judith how the emotional rollercoaster is so exhausting. Thank God for Serge Benhayon for supporting so many to find that deep capability we have to feel and be the love that we are. “It feels like a mountain stream; full of life, joyful, vital yet with a stillness and steadiness”. That’s beautiful.
I still find myself indulging in emotions quite often, however, I am appreciating the fact that this used to be my life 24/7. This blog exposes how empty the emotional way of living is and inspires me to stay steady and consistent in my relationship with myself.
I was appreciating this for myself as well Leone when I was reading, how I lived in an emotional vortex of drama constantly. It was my fuel source, I thought it kept me going and gave me the energy to get jobs done. How crazy was that! I know now I was so exhausted from using emotional drama as my fuel. There are still many times that I can use emotion especially with family but this has lessened dramatically over the years.
The way you explain this allows me to feel that using emotion as fuel is like pouring oil into the fuel tank of a petrol powered car. Highly damaging and not productive, causing damage as it travels through.
Beautiful appreciation Leonne. It is through appreciation and accepting who we are that helps us strip away what is not us. I too am inspired to build a stronger and deeper relationship with myself through appreciation and acceptance.
I love the way you appreciate yourself Judith. The turnaround in your relationships is astounding and it is clear that this is a result of the loving choices you have made inspired by Serge Benhayon.
Wow awesome blog Judith, I feel like you could be writing my story! I know exactly what you mean about thinking the grass is greener, since coming to the work of Universal Medicine my life has completely changed around I am now in my longest ever relationship. The commitment and love I now have in my life is amazing and would not be possible if where not for the presentations by Serge Benhayon. This man brings the true meaning of love to everything.
‘I found a deep capability to feel and be love for myself and others, I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing – it feels like a mountain stream: full of life, joyful, vital, yet with a stillness and steadiness: I feel and look younger.’ What a beautiful reflection on finding true love within. Thank you so much for sharing your evolution from emotion junkie to the steadiness of loving yourself Judith.
I agree Judith that if we are not full of ourselves and take that into the relationship and instead expect another to fill the void it’s easy to believe that something or someone else is to blame for things not being “right”.
Judith, this was beautiful, thank you. It blows out of the water that we need to find a ‘perfect partner’. Our most perfect partner comes from connecting to ourselves at our innermost. Once we have re-imprinted this relationship with our fullness, all other relationships are allowed to blossom, naturally so.
Yes Amelia re-imprinting our relationship with our self allows for a firm foundation on which to build all other relationships.
I love how you have discovered that there is no ‘Mr. Right’. Our love for ourselves brings us this completion of ourselves so when we choose to be in a relationship, “All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.”. So beautiful Judith.
A beautiful sharing Judith and very inspiring how you went from living a life of drama to making choices to heal and move forward and embrace true love.
When we spend all our time looking at the greener grass over the fence we miss the beauty and delight of our own garden and deprive ourselves of the joy of cultivating and greening our own l lawn.
This is a beautiful analogy Barbara and yes often it can be too late when we’ve neglected our side of the fence for too long and then we are left in the misery from not appreciating what we had whilst it was there.
Wonderful Judith, what you have shared I am sure many of us can relate to, I certainly can. The focus is to build that relationship with ourselves, sometimes this is easier said than done, as those behaviours, patterns, can be so ingrained, it is almost like we fear letting them go because they are our old friends, that if they weren’t there, we would feel lonely. Crazy I know to think like that, but it can be how it unfolds at times. I thankfully have let go of many of those friends, the old patterns that kept me in that emotional prison, they came back from time to time, but I now have a deep awareness of them, which helps in making different choices.
Believing in soul mates insinuates that you are somehow missing something within you and need a Mr or Mrs right to complete you. This is completely untrue for we are innately full of the wisdom and love we are looking outside of ourselves for. Great blog Judith.
Ps soulmates are only the another name for fairy princes and fairy princesses and they belong only in fairy tales!
Everytime an inspiration and pleasure to read your amazing blog Judith!!!lovely to come back to it every now and then…
I love your honesty Judith and your willingness to look at all areas of your life that were holding you back and getting in the way of being with a man that is truly supportive caring and loving.
‘Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart.’ Such a simple, short sentence but packed full of the most profound, ground-breaking truth.
‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!‘. Standing in the simplicity your truth without the need for those multitude of colourful emotions to drive you is very inspiring indeed Judith. If you can do it that means we all can.
What I find encouraging in your writing is that a loving relationship is possible, no matter what drama, hurts and chaos has been in the past. When there is true commitment to love a loving relationship is the result.
Yes and the relationship may not take the form that we thought we were wanting or even expecting but “When there is true commitment to love a loving relationship is the result.” This is guaranteed.
I agree kerstinsalzwr15. A great reminder how we can cut ourselves off and build walls of protection when we are far from living the quality that lies within us all – with or without a partner.
I have experience this “When I look back today I can see my behaviour toward these men wasn’t fair. I asked for something they were not able to give me: a feeling of self-worth, to feel content within me… something I’ve slowly learned over the past ten years can be only given to me by myself.” I also had a deep need to be ‘seen’ to be ‘acknowledged’ because I was not appreciating myself. The relationship I am now in is much more truthful and healthy, for my part due to me developing some self worth. I still have work to do concerning appreciation, but I am working on it. Relationships can not fulfil or fill the gaps and emptiness we often feel within. We can only develop this inner love for ourselves and then express it with others.
So many of us seek relationships as an answer to our feeling of inadequacy, loneliness, emptiness or simply as a way out of a situation we find ourselves in. Yet relationships do not truly offer us anything of substance if we are not coming into it with an understanding that we alone are responsible for how we feel and for what is going on in our lives. Without this relationships are either deemed to fail or become highly functional without the presence of love.
Gorgeous, I love your story, this is beautiful and shows how love for ourself creates space to feel all of us, and be contend with what is there. And that there is no need for anyone else to fill this need, only someone to share true love with, and built on it for ever.
Yes Benkt, the need comes from a lack of connection not from something that is missing outside of ourselves.
‘the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!’ Wow, congratulations Judith. Sounds like you have found the holy grail!
It certainly does Ilja!
Yes Ilja, I do believe that these are the first steps towards what our ancestors have called the holy grail – that we are a vessel for love and need to make our choices accordingly.
I think alot of people can relate to your previous emotional junkie and drama queen antics Judith and how challenging they are to stop. I know I certainly can. Like you ‘Emotions made my life colourful and made me feel alive, they defined and identified me’. Whats more, they actively feed the insatiable emotional roller-coaster with its highs and lows that are both draining and exhausting and ultimately only encourages the emptiness you are trying desperately fill. Great blog.
Beautiful blog Judith, many of us have to go through the whole looking for love in all the wrong places thing,when without self love it is all futile.
This is so true kevmchardy.
Judith what a beautiful sharing. The grass is greener where you stand as you allowed that deep self love and connection. This journey allowed you to commit to self love and your relationship. Relationships are about openness, honesty and truth, this is what I am deepening in my relationships, as we work on this the deeper our connection becomes.
Yes Amita and another two key ingredients for a healthy loving relationship are respect and space. So often these qualities are not in most relationships as we have entered them wanting the other person to provide us with something. When we want another to be a certain way so they can deliver what it is we ask of them we do not allow them the space to work through their own issues as we are needing them to be “worked out” with no issues so they can provide us with the stability and clarity we are not offering ourselves. We are also asking them not to press our buttons which is in truth them offering us a reflection of something we need to work through.
Yes Toni, we so often enter a relationship with a picture in our head how we think we need the other person to behave, so we can have a happy life, however a picture in our head – even if we manage to perfectly match it in our lives – cannot fulfil us.
Wonderful article Judith thank you. It is a beautiful confirmation that in reality our relationships are made of what we bring to them. If we bring ourselves full of love, respect and self worth another is not needed to prop us up or try to fill or make up for something that is missing. Building love and acceptance of ourselves opens up the possibility of our relationships being a confirmation and complement to who we already are.
Yes Annemarie, relationships thrive from the sharing of our richness, not the neediness and feeling of lack thereof.
The notion of a Soul mate is an interesting one. Most people in the world have had more than one partner, in fact it is unusual to be with only one person for your entire life.
Does this mean until we find our Soul mate all our previous partners in between had been cannon fodder? Or we are using them for practice until we meet Mr or Mrs Right?
I don’t think so…
As we aren’t perfect and we are constantly learning and evolving as time indicates.
Everyone has the potential to be loving, it is their commitment to it or not that will decide if the relationship soars or crumbles.
Yes the idea of one soulmate for everyone does not make sense as we are all part of the one big whole. We are a soul that is interconnected and a part of every other soul, so I guess this means we are all soul mates….
Maybe we have misunderstood the meaning of soul mates. When we stand in our seperation we view our soul mate as a person who will fill our empty void with their unconditional love. An emotional one at that as we are needing something from another. What if when we’re not needing love as we are coming from our own fullness of true love that we connect with others in this love and become mates – soul mates as it is our souls that we are connecting from.
‘Everyone has the potential to be loving, it is their commitment to it or not that will decide if the relationship soars or crumbles’. Love it Luke.
Beautifully said so Luke. We can learn with everyone we are in a relationship with the same amount and from everyone something else. I think it is really our own willingness and commitment to it that changes the depth of the learnings we can have in a relationship.
And a deeply and loving choice to be with that person whom you have chosen. A commitment not easily broken.
That is very wise Lieke, we learn from every relationship we have and we relate to a lot of people during one day. So whenever I deepen my relationship with one person, could be even a stranger I met for the first time, this new depth will then enrich all my other already established relationships as well.
“The grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” – I love it.
Judith you are pulling apart a myth here that many women carry strongly. Waiting and waiting for Mr right to come and save us from that empty feeling – I know it well. I have taken time by myself to really look inside and similar to you have found that no man could have saved me because what was missing was me. I understand now that I am the lead in my life, and that my own love is what sustains me. The next relationship I have will be very different to those past, not me needing someone,anyone, more me in my power saying yes to love, the love I already have inside of me.
‘my own love is what sustains me’ l love these words katerobson30. The more love we have the more vital we feel and the everyday drama begins to feel irrelevant as you start to see the bigger picture of what life is really all about.
Inspiring Kate. I love what you said here. It certainly does feel empowering, changing from waiting and expecting others to save us or fill our emptiness to now appreciating that we are all already amazing inside and choosing to connect to our innate power is certainly magnificent.
Beautifully said Kate – a power and strength resides within you and is so well expressed here. Our relationships can be so full if we allow ourselves to express the fullness of who we are.
This is superb Kate – what more can we seek than to be the lead in our own lives, to sustain ourselves from our own love, the deep clear well that is the essence of our being. That is what we are to drink form deeply, not to spend our lives in wilderness, chasing mirages we have been taught to call love.
Wow. The depth of you claiming and celebrating yourself is palpable Judith. To not seek love from the outside is an incredible discovery to make. To then connect to the deep love we are inside and feel who we truly are is even more incredible – ‘I found gold’ – as you say. Thank you for this wonderful sharing.
Judith, you are on the other side of the world and yet I could relate to so much. This bit really stood out for me though … “I learned over these last years that a lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it. It also requires a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences. All it needs from the other person is a willingness to go there with me – and that I have found.”
“But I began to realise that [emotions] were draining me and that I had reached a point of deep exhaustion”. I whole heartedly agree with this, having realised that the drama in my life is not what makes it ‘more exciting’ but is actually a drain and stops me from feeling light and playful… time to stop playing games and start living true.
I can relate to having allowed emotions to drain me for so much of my life and how much lighter I feel since choosing to let go of them (most of the time) and building my self love.
The more we let go of our emotions the more we can feel the real us and the love we hold equally to everyone. Not to mention the abundance of energy you have once you let go of your emotions.
Yes Helen, I also allowed myself to get quite consumed with emotional dramas and tended to be quite black and white in my thinking and wanting others to ‘get it’ ie agree with my views. Of course this was exhausting for everyone involved. It has been a big turn around since those days whereby now I am able to do a lot more observing and a lot less absorbing and the simplicity is a breath of fresh air. Thank you Judith for your blog on a topic which many people can obviously relate to.
Gorgeous blog Judith – standing your own very green grass with “a willingness to open up to the other person allowing their love in, letting go of past hurts and experiences.” sounds like exactly what we all might try doing.
Emotions are exhausting! We are prepared to admit that about anger or sadness, but are we aware of just how exhausting an emotion like excitement can be?
Great point Carmin, emotions are exhausting. excitement more than all the others.
Excitement is a interesting emotion as it is seen as a positive and uplifting emotion. For a long time I felt it was wrong to ask my children not to get too excited as I saw this a a key part of childhood. The turning point for me was when I observed a mother asking her children to let go of the excitement they were displaying and calm down, what I observed was very powerful. The children went from a heightened state which would have ended in one or both of them getting hurt to a return to gentle play with each other that felt much more supportive and enjoyable for them both. Since this day I have known the danger of excitement and seeing it as a good thing.
For so many years I have thought excitement is joy. In a Universal Medicine workshop I have learned that the opposite is the case. Excitement expresses in agitation, whereas joy is completely still in the inside. Since then I know what exitement does to my body.
Absolutely true!! When I was younger, I always loved my way of becoming easily excited… I am a very easy going, light person and I thought that is kind of part of it… But like you say, it is actually something that is projected to the outside as being grander than myself. Since I realized that, I can enjoy someone or something but don’t get excited anymore…
True Carmin, excitement places us in such a heightened state that there is only one place to go.
That is the problem with the top of a big hill….the only place to go is in the direction we really don’t like.
If you observe someone who is excited you can see just how silly and irrational they can become. They can do things they wouldn’t normally do and the energy is so draining.
You have blown the idea of the “perfect partner” out of the water Judith. There is no ideal person out there, there is no one who can make us feel worthy, special or beautiful when we have not taken the steps to know those things for ourselves.
We demand it though until we learn that it is for us the claim the love we are.
So thank God for Serge Benhayon, who reminded us of this truth.
I agree Rachel! Mr Right does not exist, but many beautiful men do. When we are open to allowing them to simply be the men that they are, and not expecting anything from them apart from a commitment to love, then the possibilities are endless! We just need to be all the love we can be for ourselves, and live from this consistently, then other relationships naturally unfold.
Such a perfect and poignant reminder Amelia.
The more love I express and the more I open up to a deeper love I notice it affects all my relationships. Most people meet me with the same love and openness, other’s have been waiting for me and rejoice in our love.
Beautiful Amelia. This is a far cry from the way I used to feel about men. In the past I was stuck in blame and sadness feeling for sure that ‘all the good ones were taken’. How wrong I was. It is a huge blessing to be able to appreciate how sweet and tender men can be when I am sweet and tender with myself.
Brilliant Amelia, letting go of expectations is a beautiful process and with appreciation, our love for ourselves and others will keep expanding.
‘So thank God for Serge Benhayon, who reminded us of this truth’. Here here Rachel!
My life and the way I conduct relationships has completely changed since meeting Serge Benhayon and doing the work of Universal Medicine. Not to perfection but I am more aware of the patterns that play out with need, expectations and control and am coming to a place of understanding that reflection plays a huge role in what my life is like. The more still I am within and connected to the love I am the more life reflects that back to me, not in a feeding way, but confirming what I know to be true and real within.
It is great to read about people writing honestly about the turbulent and dysfunctional world of relationships… I know that even with decades of self-development courses, meditation, physical development, the world of relationships was the exposing factor in my life, where all my buried hurts and self-doubt would emerge, and then I will try and build a relationship… I didn’t actually realise how impossible this was until I did start to know myself, and even then, it was a slow rebuild from the ground up to come to a point where I can really be actually in relationship with someone else, because I am starting to build a true relationship with myself.
Looking for something to complete ones self from outside of you will always be a recipe for failure. I have looked over that fence at the green grass and built a wall around my small patch of green to protect it for many years. Serge Benhayon has shown me and countless others to tear down the walls, take off your shoes and to stand bare foot the grass that we have always stood on and enjoy the feeling.
I simply love the picture you have painted with your words sjmatsonuk. I can feel the grass under my feet and between my toes and am loving the silky sensation. My patch of grass is the patch that I am responsible for, there are no more walls around it, and as I tend it with all the love that I have, this love always returns to me in so many ways.
Thank you Judith, your joy and contentment is a confirmation of choosing to love yourself above all else and then through that choice were able to discover the magic was inside you all along.
It feels to me Judith that you are saying that it takes true love and commitment to yourself first and foremost before you can have true love and commitment in a relationship.
Thank you Judith for sharing, so much of life is looking outside of ourselves for our needs to be met, which leads to all the disappointments and dramas that, that way of life is full of. Until we come to understand the truth, that everything we ever need lies deep within our inner heart, just waiting to be discovered and lived.
At times when I too have felt that what I have with me right now is not ‘it’ or ‘not enough’ it’s like I get the thoughts that this is the only way to be – theres a blinding to any other way. The push to keep going in those emotions even though they lead to nothing but the same is a strong one but what I have found is that when I allow myself to feel what these emotions are doing I get a clearer, more definite picture of what I already know. That emotions are nothing but a load of hot air and a momentary buzz with longer lasting negative affects. Living more within myself and appreciating that everything I could ever need is already within me has and continues to be the most solid place to be in life, much better than being on that rollercoaster that leaves me feeling sick and dizzy!
That is a great realization Leigh! We can invest a lot into our emotions and believe that we need them and even think them to be making life exciting and colourful. However, they are like a drug, they leave the body wrecked, empty and used, in fact they burn you out. Of course from that burned out state we crave more of them as they cover up the empty feeling, it is a downward spiral.
Deeply connecting with self and filling yourself up with your own love, is the only way to come out of this devastating state and claim your body back.
I am so inspired by this article and how your addiction to the emotional rollacoaster was let go with a deepening connection to your own true essence Judith. Emotions like food, TV entertainment, keeping busy, overexercising etc are all things we use to try and fill the emptiness to no avail.
Funny how we create so much Drama to ‘feel’ something instead of feeling what is there in truth. The emptiness we are so afraid of is just an illusion and can just stand as long as we do not connect to what we are and where we are coming from. We think our dreams are more beautiful then real life, that no one can catch up with “Mr. Right” out of our wishful thinking. But the opposite is true: our dreams can not catch up with the true loving people, tender, beautiful, delicate, strong men and women all around us. If we would just let us feel them and let them in our hearts. I found that I can not imagine the wonders of my partner or friends I get presented if I let them in, if I am willing to feel what they are and what they offer/bringing to me an the world. I really have to learn to embrace and appreciate what I am offered! From me and others. We are all Mr. & Mrs. Right! We are Wonderful – more then any wishful thinking or imagine can envision.
What a difference – from “the grass is always greener” – to – “the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand” – connecting to myself, had also made this same difference.
The emptiness felt within as you uncovered Judith can not be filled by another but has to come from being in relationship with self – this is so empowering. The choice is always ours. A beautiful and inspiring sharing of what is waiting for us, if we choose to go within and connect with the love that we are.
Reading your blog Judith made me reflect on my life long search of looking for love and intimacy in my relationships with women. And how I never felt met or fulfilled, because I hadn’t connected to myself and the love that I am.
Thank you Judith for your honest sharing. It is very inspiring how you changed and I am sure that a lot of women can learn from your blog that there is another way than all the dramas we all so often play.
Thank you Judith for sharing you inspiring transformation as you re-connected to living the love that you are within. I love this analogy of the love you feel within, for yourself, and others – ‘it feels like a mountain stream: full of life, joyful, vital, yet with a stillness and steadiness’ – this feels so natural and beautiful.
A gorgeous blog that is a testament to opening up to being more, letting go of ideals and beliefs that hold us where we are at (:
An inspirational blog Judith and a great reminder that before we can truly love another, that love must be in us first.
Thank you Judith and Peter, love magnetically pulls you to more love!
Thank you Judith. I agree, the grass does always seem greener on the other side when we do not feel the contentment and fullness that our own love brings.
I also have searched for this in the wrong places and outside of myself in the past until I found Serge Benhayon who reflected a lived love from with in- a love that everyone has the opportunity to access.
Judith what a beautiful example of how it is possible to let go of the drama and neediness that can be brought into relationships and develop a true relationship based on love and commitment to yourself and each other.
A beautiful blog Judith“ I have also had a few relationships.
From a young age I have thought of emotions as waste of effort so I wasn’t much into drama but these two phrases of yours are the very best advice. ‘Instead of looking for love on the outside, for the right woman I should have been looking on the inside of me in my inner heart, in my soul.
‘A lasting relationship is built on true love and my commitment to it’. Thank you.
I remember the first time I heard Serge Benhayon present that there are feelings and emotions and that these two things are different. To me, at that time, 10 years ago now I felt that emotions and feelings were one and the same. He then presented that even though we were so used to emotions, that they were not our natural state. I could feel when he presented this that he was onto something but I was so identified with my emotions, especially sadness and melancholy that I thought I actually enjoyed them that they were part of me. I took away what he presented and sat with it for days and finally through continuing to feel and observe myself and unfold what he presented I realised he was so right. Feelings are true and they are what we feel via our 6th sense, our clairsentience whereas emotions are very different. Eventually I got to feel that when I was emotional for the sakes of being emotional, (indulgent rather than truly clearing something) I would feel terrible after, drained and exhausted. Whereas when I release sadness from a need to clear something, it is fairly quick and simple and I am left feeling clearer. Such a difference but the difference only you can know through feeling it for yourself.
Judith I have recently started to change the long term relationship that I am in. For years I thought that until my partner changed then there could be no change. But I was lovingly supported to see how it was up to me to change the way that I was being in the relationship and low and behold the relationship is now changing in the way that I always hoped it would !
Beautiful Judith, I love your blog. The grass we stand on is not only as green as you can get green, but also the most loving, gorgeous and wonderful grass we can get. The moment we start to look over the fence, thinking there is something greener out there, we just have to come back to ourselves, look inside, and realize how much green grass there actually is right under our nose.
Isn’t it crazy how we can easily make it all about our partners and the fact that they are not ‘the one’ etc when it is actually always about us and the choices we are making.
Great point Joshua! Here we are looking for “the one” when all the while we are.
What a revelation you share here Judith about how most of our relationships are build on the need of filling the emptiness inside, an emptiness that comes from not being connected to the love we are within and that in that we do not even let the other in! How beautiful how you describe the way out of this. An inspiration about true love and true relationships.
A wonderful journey back to you Judith, and I agree with you regarding our partners, what is needed is a willingness, and with this there is no struggle even if we choose to go deeper with our own personal connection.
It is so true the draining effect of emotions. I thought I would miss life without the stimulation of the emotional roller coaster but the steadiness I developed through knowing Serge Benhayon and attending the Universal Medicine courses is really beautiful. I look back and realise how abusive the emotions were in comparison.
That’s an amazing transformation Judith.. hats off to you. There are many women that are in the same boat that you were in and would find this very refreshing to know it’s not the way it has to be forever. Thank you for sharing this story.
Oh yeah, we learn to look for ‘Mr Right’ from a very young age, and only through connecting to what true love truly means was I able to de-construct all those ideals out of me and first of all start to love myself, and from there build a truly loving relationship.
I loved reading this Judith and can recognise myself in some of what you have written, especially looking for love from others and expecting others to give me something that I wasn’t giving to myself. I can also appreciate that there were some awesome men I dated and I used to think at the time ‘these men would blossom without me’ as I never felt worthy.
That was a long time ago and it is only since meeting Serge Benhayon that I began to look at things differently and that to truly love others you have to love yourself first – then we don’t need someone else to fill us up or be anything other than who they are. Awesome blog Judith.
Re-reading your blog is really enjoyable and again very inspiring. I know this feeling of, the grass is greener somewhere else, instead of truly letting go and letting someone truly see me and opening my eyes for the green grass in front of me. You and your partner are a great inspiration for me seeing how your relationship built throughout the years and how it can work, even coming from a emotional roller-coaster background 😉
Awesome blog Judith…I love it that you now know the grass is amazingly greener where you stand. It was there all along. I wonder why is it so easy for us as a humanity to go straight to our emotions, self destruction and define ourselves by them, which harms us. Instead of going straight to our true feelings, which could be a true healing for us and then their would be no self destruction.
Beautifully expressed Judith. It is so common in society to look for a partner to “complete” you and all this pressure is put on relationships in this way. With “Mr Right” or your soulmate it will all be perfect. It was not until I too met Serge Benhayon that I began to consider that I am the one person in this world who can complete me. And that love is a commitment not something that Mr Right will come along and present to me.
Beautiful Judith! A true act of love is not finding a partner who can deliver what in truth cannot, but giving ourselves that which we yearn. It is about allowing the grass to get
amazingly green just here where one stands!
I can relate a lot to the wanting to get something from others because I don’t feel worthy enough and from feeling a very uncomfortable emptiness inside. What is asked of a partner is not real and fair and puts a high demand on the relationship. Children can also be part of this ‘filling emptiness game’. What a beautiful start to observe this and take responsibility for ourselves. And build true relationships from there.
Beautiful Judith. It’s so great you’ve shared this, as it is the story of so many women and men – bouncing from one relationship to the next, never stopping enough with oneself to allow such a reassessment and honest realisation of what has been going on.
We are so deeply blinded by our needs, aren’t we… In addition to the ‘fairytale ending’ we are quite pummelled with in our society.
I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly with you, that love – the real thing – does feel totally amazing, inside and out. Having been able to turn my love for myself around also, most especially in my life since coming to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, my life has also changed dramatically. This includes my marriage, which is profoundly beautiful, joyous, supportive and amazing, and most definitely something that has come about by each of us being willing to deepen in ourselves, take responsibility for our own stuff, and be solidly committed to the way we are with each other.
I wonder how many women can relate to this story? I certainly can, it feels exactly the situation I was stuck in, and I am now feeling and dealing with those hurts that lead to it, knowing that love, self worth and appreciation come from within me first. The big key for me is taking responsibility when that neediness comes into play and I want my partner or another to make me feel better -instead of demanding attention from another I’m learning to stop and take a look at myself first. It makes a huge difference, as in the past I would have become very depressed because the relationship wasn’t working, left the relationship and blamed the other person, so I never moved out of that cycle. Thank you Serge Benhayon and the many Universal Medicine practitioners and students who have introduced responsibility and true love to me.
Thank you Judith, I can certainly relate to what you share here about the emotional drama, and to choosing to make the commitment to stop that emotional drama in life.
I love your blog Judith!
I’m still dealing with the fact that the grass is amazingly green just where I am at. Not because I can’t see it but more because I can’t allow myself to accept the fact that I used to spoil this fact. It’s great reflection to again feel that it takes time even if I’m willing – it is about accepting where I’m at and continue to be love instead of looking back and constantly blaming myself. Which is not self loving at all.
A beautiful account of your story Judith from all the emotion and drama you thrived on an created in your life ( this was an old trait of mine too) to finding love first and foremost within yourself and then another. Very easy and clear to read. Awesome.
Thank you for sharing this inspiring story Judith, you are so right everyone has the potential to go there but not everyone is willing , it is that willingness to be open and remain tender and the willingness to evolve that allows a true loving relationship.
I really enjoyed what you shared here Judith, as in my life I too was always looking for something more, today with the support of Universal Medicine I am coming back to recognising that the love I have always sort is deeply within us all. My life has shifted dramatically and now I share my life with a loving partner, who supports me to be who I am. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you Judith for showing that to look for love outside of ourselves is giving in to the expression that the grass is greener else where. It’s only when we accept that what we are looking for was always within that we discover the amazing love that we already are waiting to be lived.
Reblogged this on maggiemoonlight.
Hi Judith, I love how you have so simply expressed this drama that we all felt was necessary to give our lives a purpose. Beautifully written, thank you.
This is such a powerful realisation, that no one can complete you and that you need to be full of your own self. In a world full of romantic notions of “soul mate” and “you complete me”, this is no small achievement. This frees us from the fruitless and ultimately disappointing search for the one who will deliver all that we need. What a heavy responsibility and how doomed from the start many relationships are. How lovely it is that you come to a relationship free of those things. Beautiful Judith.
Judith I can feel your deep appreciation for what you have claimed.
‘I found a tenderness and lightness within which feels amazing – it feels like a mountain stream: full of life, joyful, vital, yet with a stillness and steadiness..’
Self love is our foundation and then from there we can love another.
I very much appreciate these words and the importance of living in a loving way in relationship with one’s self, as a precursor to being in a loving relationship with another. I have definitely had, in the past, a pattern of blaming the partner at the time or ending a relationship because of thinking we were incompatible. But I was not really comfortable in my own skin. So it is great to take responsibility with this and be in love with life and so love with a partner becomes very simple and easy.
Judith, what you write here is an inspiration and true relationship counseling — many of us will relate to constantly looking for Mr Right and placing an enormous pressure on the possible Mr Right to fill us up with the love we haven’t built in ourselves first. To come into a relationship from that foundation of love first feels so so different to what many of us have settled for not having taken responsibility for loving ourselves first.
I agree Katerina, it must be very daunting for a man, to feel that a woman wants something of him, which he is not truly able to give her. And for many men that starts with their mother. It gives a message, that they can never be enough and provide what is needed, no wonder they throw themselves into providing in the attempt to make up for it.
Wow. If more people understood this, how different the world of relationships would be. It is a huge pressure that men must feel. No wonder they often keep themselves distant in a relationship. I have been so guilty of having this expectation and now looking back I can feel how imposing it was.
Yes Judith I agree that is a lot of pressure on men to look outside of themselves to provide for their families. With this unnecessary pressure to provide more and more, it would only create distance and disharmony to what could be a beautiful foundation for a true relationship built on self love first.
Dear Judith,
I took a long time to come to terms with emotion and how much living at the whim of which ever emotion it was for the day, sadness, anger, discontent, frustration, to name a few. I too went through a period of self criticism and for a long time didn’t see that this was yet another trigger to the feeling of being ‘not good enough’ that I had lived with. Through support from Universal Medicine practitioners I have been able to see that living this way was not in any way supporting me living the love I really am. I came to understand that to live love one must first love self. This I now do, I love the depth of understanding that I have for myself and others that I naturally have, I also love deeply the natural attention to detail that lives within my body. I love my stillness and the way I express. I love me, deeply.
This is such a great read Judith, I can so relate to a lot of what you have shared here. The emotions, feeding them, bringing drama and stories into how we communicate is just so common, that we don’t even know we are doing it most of the time. So your blog has been such a great reminder to invest in feeling your body, inner heart and know we have it all inside.
That is the scary thing, when it becomes the norm, so much so that we are unaware we are even in the eye of a storm, even if it is in a teacup more often than not! The drama and the stories have become an everyday part of our lives now within society that we do not even realise that they are taking place. Time to start listening to our bodies…
I loved reading this blog thanks Judith. How many relationships, that’s people we’re talking about, have we placed these expectations of fulfillment on? I too have looked for and required from others, what I’m now living within myself. I almost feel like calling some past girlfriends-up and saying ‘sorry for trying to get from you, what I was starving myself of’. All in good time, I will share my love with another, who also wants to make a relationship about true love – starting with themselves first also.
Thank you Judith, I could easily relate to what you shared. I led a life addicted to emotions for many many years which meant my life was always a struggle and was complicated. And when you are in this emotional loop, it is very difficult to break free from, because that is all you know. A permanent break came in my emotional loop when I became ill and at the very same time I met Serge Benhayon, who presented another way to live which was the beginning of a new loop for me, a new loop of self care and self love….( there is no longer any space or desire for emotions and drama) which has completely transformed my life.
Judith thank you for sharing, your story is so inspiring for all in having the willingness to look within and let go of whatever is weighting us down, I can feel the love and level of intimacy you have created with yourself and in your relationship with your husband and others.
I love your blog, Judith, it is so relevant for myself and many in society at large. I’m also guilty of trying to get someone else to fill my emptiness, while I know that I am the only one who can do it. Thank you for the inspiration through your story, and especially the words commitment, willingness, openness and the amazingly green grass right here!
Thank you Judith. This is a story so many people can relate to – I certainly can. Your blog perfectly exposes the way we may use relationships to distract and stay stuck in past hurts, patterns and emotions. How lovely it is to feel that we can change it all with a simple choice to let love in.
Thank you Judith. Such a simple and loving sharing.
Judith, I absolutely loved reading your blog, your story is my story and, indeed, there is Gold inside all of us – thank you for this honest and real sharing.
This is gorgeous to read Judith, ‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!’ Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you Judith, the analogy of the mountain stream feels gorgeous, pure and clear. It reminds me of the innocence of a young child, never lost only buried, only to be rediscovered once again.
Knowing who I am and appreciating me for being me takes a huge amount of (perceived) pressure for relationships with others to be a certain way in order to feel right. Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been reminded of who I really am.
Hi Judith, you have written a beautiful blog its great that after years of searching you now have a relationship with a solid foundation – a foundation built of self love and truly opening up and letting your partner in.
I relate to what you have shared here, Judith. The foundation for love is to have love for oneself. When I came to know Serge Benhayon my life changed a lot as he inspired me to choose love. As my marriage was quite functional and not any more about love I am now learning consistently how amazing a relationship feels when I start to love and let my partner in. And it is truly fun to explore this.
This blog is a little gem Judith written with such honesty from lived experience. You and your husband are a joy to behold and be inspired by.
I love what you say, Judith, about the key to your relationship being a willingness to ‘go there’ together, to uncover anything that gets in the way of the potential for true love, for yourselves and each other.
Wow Judith, this is beautiful and I relate very well to what you share here. I too spent so long searching for a man to deliver the love I yearned but of course they could not as the love I yearned was the connection to my own love, which nobody else can fulfill, but me!
“Over these years Serge Benhayon showed me again and again what I was looking for, which is love, and that I wasn’t going to find this love outside of me but only in my own inner heart”
An awesome revelation and the love you emanate is truly beautiful to feel. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Judith for this amazing blog. I can relate to this very much, I have been extremely emotional in relationships with men. Up until a moment that I felt like is this really it? I could not imagine that feeling so desperate and needy all the time was the only way to live.
After meeting Serge Benhayon and attending courses and workshops from Universal Medicine I also realised that I actually was searching for the love, that was forever inside me, love for myself.
Now I am in a beautiful relationship with a man who also chooses to love himself first and it is amazing. It is nothing like the ’emotional rollercoaster’ you described so well. It is a love that is just there between us and not something to give to the other. It does not come from need for the other. It is just there to enjoy together and yes this is only possible if you both are willing to take the responsibility to be that love for yourself first.
Thank you Judith for an inspirational sharing, highlighting that with a willingness to be honest about what is getting us through the day, in this case, emotional drama, we can bring change for ourselves as we realise this is not the way to live with any essence of quality for ourselves or in our relationships.
Thank you Judith for this sharing, I am married for nearly 25 years with a lot of emotions from my side for the first 18 years. Since then when we learned from Serge Benhayon over these last 7 years what a relationship and love really is about, things have changed so enormously I could never have imagine. As you say there is a commitment to opening up to each other and letting the love in and letting go of all the hurts, ideas and beliefs how it should be. The relationship I have with my husband is a constant development with no emotions involved but never a dull moment.
So true Annelies. When I see you guys together I feel so much joy and commitment to love and it is a blessing to watch your on going development. You are a truly beautiful couple that inspires many!
Judith, it is actually difficult for me to imagine you being an “emotion junkie” after meeting you a few years ago, as you feel so centered, still, and bubbling with joy and playfulness. Many times when I have felt restless or that I had an impulse to move to another area in the country I have noticed that I had just been lacking appreciation for myself, and was avoiding dealing with an emotional issue that was coming up for me to heal. This is similar to looking for “Mr. Perfect” as you said, in that I felt that moving to another state with “better” things would make me happy, when all along I was just looking for the love inside of me.
What a beautiful blog Judith! so clear and so encouraging for someone that might be in the same process as you have gone through, it feels great to have come out the other side of the emotional drama. The fact that you have done it and have walked that path before me can only give me certainty and trust that I am going to find that joy and build that same love first in me, and then committing to living that with someone else. On a lighter note: you found Mr Perfect. As you say, he wants to walk the same path with you, how joyful is that, and grow together and pull each other up when needed.
Thank you, Judith. This blog speaks volumes to me, as I was also an emotional junkie and created situations that were about everything but the single most important thing, my relationship with myself and my quality of being. It is inspiring to feel the strength of your commitment to love, and to ‘going there’ with your relationships so that they are uncompromisingly about truth.
Beautiful, Judith: ‘Today I can say: the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!’ I can relate to looking for ‘Mr.Right’, wanting someone else to fix me and make me ‘complete’ and always thinking the ‘grass was greener’ somewhere else. I have discovered that the most important relationship is my relationship with myself and loving me.
It’s great to read your story and how it has developed into the relationship you have today, with yourself and the commitment to your partner. It’s inspiring, it’s everyday and something we can all relate to in one way or another. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thank you Judith, for a wonderful story with a happy ending!
Thank you Judith for a beautiful and honnest article. Your are an amazing and inspiring woman.
This is beautiful, Judith. Thank you. I can relate to all that you have written. Like you initially I felt the same when I met Serge Benhayon and what he presented, “At first glance it didn’t seem very different, but over the years the difference became more obvious.” It is like living in two different universes.
I agree Jonathan, the more this lifestyle has become my own, the more understanding I have how truly profound the changes in my life are.
Beautiful Judith. Thank you.
Dear Judith, You HAVE found gold. I know because when I met you I felt the steadiness and love you speak of and I was totally blown away. I felt a million miles from that place, yet I could feel I was choosing to get on my own track to uncover my own gold too.
Now, reading where you have come from I know why your presence felt profound to me.
You had lived in such a similar way that I had…and you had cleared it all out.
Now I am well on my way; repairing from exhaustion, not seeking others to fill me, not allowing the emotional ride and on and on…
I am healing on every level with tons of support Serge Benhayon and from people like you!
Judith this is indeed a gorgeous article, and a joy to read. It is so honest. I have recently really started to live the truth that the grass is greenest where I stand and I am loving it. In so many ways it actually relaxes my eyes and my face as I am not seeking anymore. Everything I am looking for is right here, but you are right, calling the other person to join you will not work, it is just about making sure through openness that you walk together. So beautiful.
WOW Judith, this is one of the most inspiring sharings I have ever read. Thank you.
Awesome blog, thank you Judith.
A beautiful blog
This is so fantastic. The love you express towards yourself is very present in this article. A tremendous piece for every person to read. Thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful blog Judith. I love your phrase “the grass is amazingly green just here where I stand and it does not seem better anywhere else!” I too used to live on an emotional roller coaster – always looking for “the one”, for love outside of me, to make me feel whole. Now I know I am “the one”, as we all are, and I too love my life.
I enjoyed this comment, and how it flips the usual way we see and think… if we can appreciate ourselves, then there is plenty of fresh grass right under our feet!
Thanks Judith, I read your beautiful blog, and then all these lovely comments, and realise that I am not alone!! So many of us have been searching for someone to make us happy and to make everything okay, not realising that we are the one, and we need to first build the relationship with ourselves first and foremost.
Thank you Judith for sharing you experience of relationships. So often we go into relationships or seek them to fill us up in someway and demand the other person do this rather than taking responsibility ourselves. And yes as you said – you have to open up to the person and let them in, in full – no secrets, or hidden things – as that means you are holding a part of you back from them and also from love. I know as well that when you do this the possibilities and depth of love are endless.
Judith, this is so true. Loving another can only come from how much love we truly have for ourselves. All too often we look for another to fill that void, which is only setting ourselves up for a fall, and ultimately, as you express, not fair on them.
This is gorgeous, thank you Judith I can so relate to this. I too was under the illusion of the ideal man. As I realised this and became aware of the stress it caused I have let it go to discover the grass under my feet gets greener. The love within is so great and abundant there is nowhere else to go, and there is no other person who can be looked to to give us this. We need to be the ones who accept it is within us and choose to reconnect to that.
Beautiful Judith, thank you so much for sharing!
I can fully relate to this today, never having been able to commit to a relationship and constantly searching for what I now know to be an inner commitment to myself, first and foremost. Then I say – bring it on!! Committing to relationships and life in full from all of who I am first…
Dear Judith, Thank you for your honest blog. I can relate to that feeling of the ‘grass is always greener’, the feeling of needing to get somewhere or get something done in order to feel something. Time is showing me that when I get there, what I feel is the same, & only that what I have around me may be different – but It’s the ‘me’ that remains as it was. It is the most liberating and yes, steady feeling to be free from this way of life for us all – one that I have felt and want to return to steadily and consistently and to live with and amongst others. Thanks for bringing this again more to our awareness.
Beautiful Judith, your post is honest, real and rings true for so many. It has been a joy to witness you becoming more and more loving, full and tender as you have discovered that you are the person you have been searching for. Thank you, your words are just as valid for me, and you could be telling a thousand tales of other people’s lives – and it is Serge Benhayon who has consistently shown us how to connect with our love inside us and you have become an inspiring and beautiful example of the way to achieve it.
Thank you Judith for your amazing post. I too remember a time of being on an emotional roller-coaster and being in and out of love with various men trying to find Mr. Right, but the difference now is that I am letting love in as well as loving me more than I ever have in the past…what a difference that can make.
Wow Judith – I just completely love what you have written here – such a true and beautiful description of the mountain stream of joy, vitality and steadiness that waits to be re-discovered underneath the overlay of destructive thoughts, behaviours and patterns. I recognise what you are saying so well! Your home-coming is such a joy to hear about and it is beautiful to feel the foundation of us all standing on the green grass together as one, not hurtling off into the roller coaster of nether-space and drama. Thank you so much for this divine testimony!
Hi Judith I am married and I agree with your comment about being with someone who is willing to go there with me. We have a deep commitment in our relationship to grow, learn, develop and love each other and to experience this within a loving, supportive and nurturing relationship is truly amazing. I am completely honoured for where I am at in any given moment. This does not mean things are perfect, for they are not, but we use what may come up between us or for each of us as an opportunity to be more of ourselves and then the grass just keeps getting greener and greener without us looking elsewhere or going anywhere.
Thank you for sharing Judith, this is so beautiful and raw and I am learning very similar lessons about looking outside of myself for attention, recognition and ‘love’ and that it is never enough. The well inside can only be filled with my own tenderness and I am realising more every day that the great love first starts with me.
Beautifully expressed smc, ‘I am learning very similar lessons about looking outside of myself for attention, recognition and ‘love’ and that it is never enough. The well inside can only be filled with my own tenderness and I am realising more every day that the great love first starts with me.’ I’m learning this too, it is a great reminder for me that love first starts with me, this feels like true love.