by Anne McRitchie, Chilcotts Grass, NSW
After many years of living together, with a love based entirely on mutual needs, my husband Greg and I found Serge Benhayon, attended our first Heart Chakra workshop and gradually embraced a way of living as presented by Universal Medicine. We reached a point where late last year I could truthfully write:
“Now, ‘making love’ is a confirmation of the way we have been together during the day. But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do. It is how we smile at each other, touch each other in passing, prepare a meal together or feel the other when they are not there. Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’. It is a feeling that is forever with you, and the physical act is a glorious and joy-full confirmation of our loving connection.”
At the time of writing the above I felt that we had somehow arrived at a place where our relationship was near perfect, despite the occasional little hiccup.
However this feeling was quite short lived once I connected to a new possibility: that relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!
This possibility was confirmed to me at the Esoteric Healing Workshop Level 4 in the UK earlier this year. Having participated in it, I can now joyfully share that:
As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other.
Those of us who were there with our partners worked together for an exercise based on ‘acceptance’. While doing the exercise, the person taking the ‘practitioner’ role placed their hands on their partner so as to feel a specific acceptance chakra (energy centre in the body) while asking “Do you accept me (name) as your husband / wife?”. So, when Greg was taking the practitioner role, he asked me “Do you accept me, Greg, as your husband?”.
We learned afterwards that many married couples immediately went into their entrenched patterns and some had to call a supervising practitioner to help moderate.
Greg and I did not entirely escape this! I felt that Greg had muddled up the question and was asking it in a confusing way and I told him so – as is my lingering pattern! We also called a supervisor over but they seemed to have yet another version of the question! However, we just moved through this distraction to give our attention to the question on offer and what it might reveal.
Once I had brought myself back to ‘me’ and truly felt the question in my body, I suddenly had amazing clarity about my husband. I re-connected to what I had described in my previous blog as, “…some inner-beauty deep within the other person that I could occasionally feel, even though they did not always allow that to be expressed”.
Before this workshop, this sense of inner-beauty I felt in my husband had been elusive, present only as a sense of there being ‘something more’. After the session it was now no longer elusive, but a certainty deep within my being: my husband was an amazing, loving and glorious being.
At the same time, I was also aware that this was not what I lived with twenty-four/seven! I lived with the outward expression, that is, my husband’s behaviours and choices which were not always honouring of this loving inner-being and instead on occasion came from emotions based on ideals and beliefs which had no foundation in truth. However, even this awareness could not dull or shake the glory I now saw in him.
A few days earlier, after a conversation with Serge Benhayon, I could feel as a truth in my own body that when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.
What the ‘acceptance’ exercise made me aware of was that the same principle applies when we are with our partners. If on occasions our partner’s expression, or way of being at a particular moment, is from other-than-love, if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship and this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.
In reality, our partner is still the loving being that we know them to be, but if in such situations we do not hold our loving inner connection, we can tend to identify our partner as the ill-expression.
Of course, as is so obvious, this holds true not just with our partners but with family, friends, acquaintances and indeed anyone and everyone we meet or interact with in any way, however fleeting. Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.
In such a world there would be no foundation for petty arguments, crime, abuse, war, or conflict of any kind to exist.
It starts with each one of us, and for my part, it started with the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine!
Related reading:
‘Sex’ Versus ‘Love’ – An Older Woman’s Perspective
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Anne thank you for pointing out the entrenched patterns couples often carry. This has highlighted how I have a tendency to focus on that and not the other, “the same love and glory in the other”.
And I also loved, “when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line”. This to me is saying focusing on the negatives means the emphasis remains on the negatives, there is no headway to the glory that exists in everyone. Often purposefully done to keep our separation from each other.
There is much more to relationships than just being together. It is an unfolding partnership of so called highs and lows. Each opportunity is an offering to develop to a deeper intimate flow, so important in any relationship.
Re-reading your blog, Anne, I was once again deeply appreciating these words of wisdom: “As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other.”
I welcome this day, and this world, ‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.
In such a world there would be no foundation for petty arguments, crime, abuse, war, or conflict of any kind to exist.’
Totally agree, no pettiness, just one unifying flow of people in oneness. The harmony, love and stillness would be absolutely glorifying. We’re home then…
This is true, and very beautiful to experience, ‘As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other.’
Thank you my darling wife, as we deepen our relationship life become so full of purpose in all we do and the love we share is the foundation or platform that spring-boards us into the most enriching life. Life enrichment flows to us when we are willing to discard our old ways and live from our Soul-Full-Essences. So as we appreciate the life we have together and the true enrichment we share it is with a Deep-Humble-Appreciative-Ness that I count my blessing every day as I go to bed and then awaken and step into an expansive new day connected to my Soul-full-essence!
“When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line” – yes, absolutely, and that that thin red line is not even ours to claim.
This simple exercise should be done all around the world. It would reveal so much as it did for you in how we ‘see’ others instead of allowing ourselves to feel what is truly there. Also as shared in other comments if we do not first love and accept ourselves how on earth can we love and accept another.
Reading this today I am very confirmed in the love that I feel. I had been using judgement to ascertain the value of a certain relationship, and I had been making lots of things right or wrong and got in a complete muddle. I had a chakra puncture session today and a body wrap and have released a lot of toxins, including toxic thoughts and now with your blog I feel very clear and can let go of these meanderings of the mind and stand in my own knowing.
Interesting that I read this blog when I have just gone into reaction. Always a great learning, and another opportunity to be more loving in my expression.
Love this Anne – a call for us to see everyone we know or meet with as the essence of who they are first, before we go into any judgement about their actions or behaviours. That essence is beautiful, always, no question.
Living love in our relationship is a continuous journey of deepening, healing and being pulled up to live a grander expression or movement of love. There is no on-off switch and the more we surrender and commit to the responsibility of living the love we are we, being ourselves, we find that every day is like a new beginning offering the incredible opportunity of living the glory of who we are – love. In all honesty there is never a dull or mundane moment when love is our foundation but rather an abundance of honor, joy, inspiration, confirmation, enrichment and evolution and so much more.
I learn so much from the relationships I have with others, to observe others without judgment and to appreciate the unique qualities we all bring is a recipe for developing true relationships.
Others always reflect so much for us to learn, and appreciating, rather than judging them feels amazing.
Having sex brings an image of an activity that has a beginning and an end, a peak, after which there is a withdraw…. until next round.
The idea of making love extend a way of being with each other in and out the bed. There is no peak here and therefore no withdraw. It is ongoing.
It’s really dangerous when we tie someone to their expressions, because we all mess up and get angry or frustrated or behave in an ugly way. If you’re an angry person, that’s not you, that’s just something you need to deal with. Being able to see a person and their ill-behaviours or expressions as separate allows us the understanding that our actions can never purely define us and are only ever an outplay of what is going on inside us at the time. It also leaves us free to really assess and understand the situation and see the bigger picture at play, rather than just focusing on the ill-behaviour.
Doesn’t this bring a whole new perspective on life? Living with somebody and even without expressing it verbally, cherishing them for just the essence that they are is an immense opportunity to deepen the love and intimacy in any relationship.
Knowing that there is forever more, forever an expanding, keeps us open to the more and not either stuck or resting on our laurels.
The constancy of love between two people is by far the sexiest thing I can think of.
Beautiful comment, thank you heather.
“relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!” What a wonderful description of a relationship Anne offering us much to contemplate especially when we compare it to the accepted normal belief. I particularly love the fact that there is no end point because there is always the potential for the relationship to expand and what comes next is up to us.
If there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’ in contrast to ‘having sex’ there is such space for curiousity and playfulness to enrich our lives and relationships.
Life and relationships are a never ending journey. We are the only ones that choose to cap ourselves in our own growth, as no one can really do this for us! We can of course give our power away to another in this but in the end it is still our choice. So what are we going to make out of our lives and our relationships? This is the Question we can all ask ourselves.
“But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do.” – Making love is far more than meets the eye…it is in the way we blink, in the way we take out the garbage, the way we get ready for the day, the way we interact with everyone we encounter. Not a moment gets ignored by the Universe as every moment is an opportunity to make love.
Interesting that most couples went into a spin with the exercise to feel if they accept their partner or not. It kind of shows that many partner relationships struggle to treat each other with the love we would hope for in a loving relationship. Instead we tend to get caught up in issues and dramas with the ones we love! I think this is a great exercise to do, to feel the truth of who your partner is, so you are constantly surprised and delighted by what you see and feel.
“I think this is a great exercise to do, to feel the truth of who your partner is, so you are constantly surprised and delighted by what you see and feel.” This is a beautiful way to be in any relationship, to allow ourselves to feel and see the truth of everyone which will be a great antidote to the critical and judgemental ways with each other.
Yes and what an amazing way to minimize the dramas and issues and go straight to what matters. And this is what we all want!
Thank you Anne, it is so lovely to be the reader of this blog and feel what is shared that is so different and potentially new to me (even deep down known), a way of being with you and your relationships, reflecting to me and everyone else that there is a different way of being with you and each other.
‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from’. The more I do this not only with others but also with myself the simpler and more loving all my relationships and interactions are. It is no longer just about me and what I can get out of it but rather about being the amazing-ness we are.
If I see ugliness in anothers’ behaviour and start to see them as ugly too then I know I have lost my connection to me.
I know wat you mean, it is easy to forget that it is purely energy coming through that person and not them so to hold another as any less than the love that they are is essentially judging and condemning them which love would never do.
It is beautiful to feel the quality of love between you and your husband Anne, when we let go of old hurts we can embrace and deepen the love with each other, and this love then continues to expand and flow onto everyone in our lives.
What I can feel from this beautiful sharing is our responsibility in relationship – how we stay with love in the face of lovelessness in another’s expression, to reflect and remind them of their truth, no matter what. That is a commitment.
We always have that option – so what are we going to choose?
“Unlike sex there is no beginning or end to making love”. This is gorgeous to read as it confirms that it is all about being loving consistently. So much pressure and focus has been placed on sex to fix everything or be a marker of how healthy a relationship is. However, it is the little things throughout the day that count. I feel we all know this but what we have been sold as the norm in relationships is a cheap replica of what the genuine product can be.
Anne what you describe here is so true, if my partner has been less than loving in his expression, in the past I have reacted in a very unloving way and what I am learning now is the meaning of the instruction ‘Be Love’ as being loving in all my responses, preferably not reacting but exploring the underlying hurt that his expression has touched upon. In truth he is a very loving and tender man and it is good for me to remember that and to understand that any non-loving expression is not who he is.
Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” This would be the most glorious world to live in, a world free of judgement but brimming with understanding of what has brought the person in front of you to the place that they find themselves in today. And with that understanding and acceptance of the glorious being that they innately are, any healing that is needed has the space to begin.
The end point image is a killer independently of where do we apply it.
All too often we focus too much on another’s faults, and not their unique qualities …nor their innate amazingness.
The title and the blog brings back the responsibility that all our relationships come with and the power of our authority to stand in the knowing of what our relationship is truly about and act on it from its origin. What a wonderful come back to the truth of relationships, from day one presented by Serge Benhayon through his many many teachings and therapies.
Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming. Yes this is what I am in – and I can’t seem to move on….and needing support.
When we choose to appreciate the love that we are we are able to feel and appreciate an equal love in another.
Thank you for sharing your experience Anne. What you have shared is a real eye opener. So often I’ve only seen the issues of another or reacted to things I have not liked rather than opening my heart and feeling the whole truth. You remind me that although we all have things we need to work on in essence we are truly superb in every way.
We can have this,”Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know.” it will just needed to be lived strongly. If we break this down simply you are what you live. In more words how ever you live will be there in reflection in relationships around you, so live in a fast, no time, rushed way and your relationship may reflect chaos etc. Live steady, loving and complete and your relationships will reflect this and you will celebrate the difference in how the world is and will be. We have far far more say in all of this then we care to highlight as in this highlight we would need to deal with why we haven’t chosen all we truly are in the past.
Beautiful Anne, thank you for sharing so openly your relationship here.
It is gorgeous to read that it is never too late to deepen a relationship and there is always more to get to know and love with your partner (and everyone). I would say most marriages, even the ones that look good are more about an arrangement than pure love. That’s quite ironic in the west where we judge arranged marriages!
“When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line” – This is such an important awareness and one that, if lived, would change relationships forever.
It can be so easy when we get caught up in things to makes mountains out of mole hills, and then get overwhelmed by them. But when we take a step back from that and re-claim the glory that we are then we see they are mere stumbling blocks we have created to not be all the love that we are and so see them for what they are and they no longer affect us.
These are such wise words Anne. It is in fact the seed of our woes in relationships that we place in front of the beauty and love that innately is in the other , the ‘little’ things, the icky things, that we make bigger than they actually are. Behind that pattern is our own age-old hurt, that the world isn’t as it ought to be and that we want it to be different. As we heal this we heal every relationship we have, we bring space and love instead of a demand to be something ‘for me so that I no longer feel the pain’. Every relationship we have represents our relationship with humanity itself – and with ourselves.
You are a total inspiration Anne. It is so true that we are not our behaviours nor our emotions but far far more, for at the core of each and every one of us resides the great love we are. And as you have shared, through developing a loving relationship with ourselves and our bodies, we come to realise that this love is the foundation from which we can truly evolve, grow and deepen. As such any relationship that is founded on love offers the potential for us to deepen who we are, our connection and be more of the love we are, to which there is no end. If we are open to love, every day is a new and fresh day, for as we continue to grow, we bring a greater love to the lives we live.
Great blog and indeed what we learn with one other we can bring to all. I absolutely love and adore my super gorgeous husband and now feel that way to so many other people including myself and those I work with ~ it just keeps expanding. Of course Christoph is the only one I sleep with but the love and appreciation is there for all.
Love continues to deepen and expand. These days it chews me up inside when I stay static in my expression of how I feel and the love that wants to come out.
Thank you Anne, this was very supportive to read again today. It’s such an important topic to look at partner relationships and understand the difference between the beautiful being we know they are, and their behaviours born from unloving choices. As I see this in another, it’s also an opportunity to understand myself and my own choices as well.
Feeling love in the body is not an end point, but an ever developing relationship within and from that with others.
Very true Heather it can be so easy to feel love and then settle for it rather than seeing it for the ever deepening and expanding relationship that it is. The moment we settle I find the tension rises because we are not continuing to deepen with the love that is on offer.
Anne – it is so true that a relationship cannot be about getting somewhere. It is truly about asking whats next and committing to an ever-deepening way of being in relationships.
To search for a loving relationship can be like the search for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, only to find that the pot is a never ending well of gold that just keeps of getting deeper as you allow more and more of it to permeate throughout your life, in every situation with every person – love is absolute.
I am so grateful for what I have learnt at Universal Medicine workshops.
We have so much to share with one and other, when I think of all the friendships I have made and the deepening of my own relationship I feel super super blessed.
See the Glory first and live from that, and the rest will fade away.
The absolute honouring of another in any relationship allows a relationship to evolve to a deeper level, constantly finding a deeper level of love than before.
An incredible blog Anne. Often we don’t truly appreciate people until they are gone. It is a huge tragedy that many don’t let themselves feel their own beauty let alone not allowing themselves to truly connect to the gorgeousness of another.
Relationships have so much to offer – a depth of beauty that is so solid. Thank you for your sharing Anne, and for showing how we can miss out on the essence of someone if we make it all about the doing.
And we make it all about the things they are supposedly ‘not’…. if our focus is on the beauty we have with that other person, on the love that we have together then this holds stronger than the stuff that isn’t true. We see it for what it is and don’t give it unnecessary air-time. We appreciate the essence of the relationship itself, and this is what grows.
I too during an Sacred Esoteric Healing L4 course felt the essence of me and another. I fell ‘in love’ with my partner. An amazing experience I will never forget but I will continue to claim that feeling in me so it becomes me all-the-time.
Claiming our love and glory as who we are is an important process, and this helps other ‘problems’ or issues pale into insignificance, ‘when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things.’ Absolutely.
This would be awesome, a great start to building brotherhood, ‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.’
This is beautiful Anne, thank you for sharing. We can get stuck on behaviours, either own own, or another’s. But that is just the outer shell. When we connect to what lies inside, it is much easier to see the behaviours for what they are.
“Unlike sex, there is no beginning or end to making love”. This made me smile Anne, as it feel like a beautiful way to be in connection with your partner. It also takes all the pressure off that one moment, as every moment before and after physically making love is just as important. This constant commitment feels like how true love and respect can grow.
‘Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’.’ This statement, and your description Anne, completely changes the way we think about sex. Actually, it throws sex out the window and replaces it with something far more beautiful and enduring – and ‘every day’. Yes, the potential is that we can make love 24/7, and if there is a culmination of that love that results in the physical expression we call ‘sex’, well, that’s just the icing on the cake. But it’s not ‘the cake’!
Yes we are a long way away from always seeing others in their essence, that part of them that is who they truly are. We instead look at all the behaviours that are not them. This creates a lot of tension and complication, so it is key to first see and feel ourselves in that essence, the love that we are, then we can see that in another.
When I am able to see the preciousness and beauty in my husband I now know its because I have first been willing to see it in me.
Re reading this blog today, what stood out for me is that ‘when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.’ So very true and something I have experienced a lot recently.
I love the thought that relationships are a never-ending journey, we have so much to learn and discover together, gosh they’d be so dull if there was ever an end point.
So why do we often feel like relationships have gone as far as they can?
When we develop a relationship with our bodies we begin to understand that be intimate with another is to move and hold ourselves in a way that creates transparency for another to see all of who we are.
Yes very beautiful Anne, when I am feeling down the last thing I want is someone who is going to see me as down and not see me the beautiful amazing woman that I am underneath. It is a great realisation to also realise other people feel just the same as you and me so it is our responsibility to see them as that amazing being they are whatever is going on to the best of our abilities.
Reading this made me wonder how I might call perfecting a role-play in a relationship as deepening a relationship, and I might think ‘we are getting on’ as there are fewer hiccups. Such an inspiring sharing, Anne. Thank you.
This is very needed – to hold each other with absolute love, understanding and acceptance and not as an ill behaviour, expression or choice.
It is a gift to see the beauty in another and it is something we can all learn to be, all it takes is a willingness and dedication to be loving with ourselves and apply it to our daily living.
Absolutely because if we do not accept and appreciate our own beauty we cannot truly accept and appreciate it in others.
The beauty in another is endless as we are divine beings, and there is no end in divine love when we embrace the fact of being amazing, loving and glorious beings.
“Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’.” This is such a joyful discovery as I found the love just deepens, expands and that ‘love’ is not exclusive to ‘sex’, which has resulted in love not being being exclusive to just to my wife but to everyone.
I find it crazy how a lot of people mainly see the worst in their partners, you’re with this amazing, out-of-this-world person – why not enjoy every single second?
Wow Anne, I can imagine how powerful it was to do the exercise where you asked each other, ‘do you accept me as your husband/wife?’ I too am discovering more about the gorgeous man my husband is. I get how we can limit ourselves and only connect to the surface stuff rather then to that inner being that is so glorious. This has a lot to do with claiming the same for myself.
the sadness for many in relationships is that this beauty we can see in another person we quickly choose not to see. When a relationship ends there is the grief of not having gone there, not having celebrated the connection or the person in full, not having expressed our love in full.
There is a knowing within us that we are more than human, that there is something within that’s stupendous. It’s that we do not honour this knowing that destroys relationships.
It makes so much sense that our relationships grow in love as that is the nature of energy, forever evolving to the next level, so we need to be open to growing, learning and deepening our relationships with ourselves and others so we can each bring what will support another to be more.
We have learned and are contenting ourselves with ‘surface hopping’ when it comes to our relationships and being with another. We are allowing ourselves to only see the outer layers we have all adapted to be in this world instead of connecting to the person that is underneath all these behaviours and that we also all can see.
This is beautiful Anne, and I would say it’s the missing piece – the biggest missing piece! – in the jigsaw puzzle of why we hurt ourselves and others so often and so much in relationships. We forget our own grandness and then forget the grandness of others. We relate to each other from a smallness that is a diminishing of who we are.
Any relationship in our lives, whether it be as a couple, a sibling, a parent or child, or even a work colleague is there for us to grow together. To be openly loving to the best of our ability, and to evolve and learn from each other.
“…when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.” – Anne, this is another very simple yet powerful observation and sharing. And in it lies the answer to many of our so called ‘woes’. We can make the needed change, firstly by changing the energy and coming back to the essence within ourselves, and from there it is easier to see things with clarity and then to see and feel another’s essence too. Whilst we are not in our essence we cannot see or feel another’s essence, but whilst we stay connected, then so too do our senses feel the beauty within another, ready to be honoured, and celebrated.
“Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’. It is a feeling that is forever with you, and the physical act is a glorious and joy-full confirmation of our loving connection.”” – Anne, you have nailed it here, it could not be said any better! This is spot on, and something that is very confronting actually to feel for it asks us to be accountable for every moment of every day and not just a few moments under the sheets! Making love is so much more than we think, and is a far greater responsibility than we often choose to realise, but at the same time is one that opens us up to living in a way that is far grander than just physicality itself.
This sounds like a really powerful exercise to do for a relationship you have been in 1 week or 50 years, as we can ‘think’ we accept the other person/partner but do we really .. fully? What came to me reading this is just how much this side of relationships is missed. My job is working with young people in sexual health and well-being and so a lot of my discussions with them are based on relationships and what they think a relationship is which a lot of the time is just the physical side of it, so no one truly learns about building a relationship first with ourselves and then with another. Also when we are in or living our issues it is quite hard to see them for what they truly are ‘a thin red line and insignificant’ that is why it is super supportive to see someone who lives in a way that is continually evolving and has incredibly integrity both with themselves and others such as an Universal Medicine practitioner as this helps the person that is in their issues to step out of them and clearly see them for what they are so these can then be let go of completely.
Anne, I loved re-reading and feeling what you have shared – relationships are a never ending journey and a constant deepening of the love both of yourself, the other person and what you have and can bring together, The moment we forget this then problems come in. When we hold this dearly then the magic truly happens and wow it is beyond anything the mind can comprehend was possible.
I love what you present here Anne, it brings a whole new level to how we can be with ourself and with others, it allows us to leave the surface we have made life to be and dip into the depth of our true being and live from there.
Relationships offer us the opportunity to evolve and be more loving, more understanding and say no to what is not of truth and from our essence, it can definitely be challenging at times but as you have shared Anne, once we commit to live more of who we truly are and not have pictures in our relationships of how it is supposed to be we can then enjoy a depth of intimacy beyond anything we have ever imagined.
Anne it is lovely to re-read your blog and I fully agree, ‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from’. By seeing and treating people like this we get to see them 1st and then what is not them is purely choices away from their amazingness. Choices we have all made at one time or another just now have chosen to return back to the love that we are – so we can never condemn anyone rather give them the space to be the love that they and we all naturally are.
Anne this was gorgeous to read, a beautiful confirmation and a little shake up that is most welcomed.
This notion of deepening is such a different concept to what is currently being lived and known. We are sold such a package that we have to get somewhere, and then often those goal posts change or we just rest when we get ‘there’. This is not what true evolution is about because there is no ‘there’, the universe is forever expanding and we are part of this universe. Our particles are from it. So it is more natural for us to deepen and expand that to get ‘somewhere’. It is a loving work in progress to commit to deepening but as your blog shows us, it is worth it.
Love is who we are—anything outside of this is simply not us. We choose to express in loveless every now and then. In relationships if we first appreciate deeply that we are simply love, we are able to appreciate and confirm each other when we lose this awareness, we are also able to continously deepen this awareness with ourselves and each other.
There can be so much disharmony caused in relationships when people see the other as their ill behavior, rather than to see them as the gorgeous, loving being they are just choosing temporarily an ill expression. When we connect to ourselves first and hold this connection it is then easy to have the understanding and clarity to see what is truly going on and respond accordingly to support them to come back to themselves.
Thank you Anne, it’s an important point of distinction, that people are not their behaviours but are truly amazing, glorious beings within. And also very true is your point that if we ourselves don’t hold our own loving inner connection then we can identify others to their behaviour – through knowing and claiming who we are we also know and hold who others truly are even if they fall into non supportive behaviours.
Beautiful Anne – I love the fact that relationships brings to us the possibility to always deepen and how that’s the way they are divinely designed.
This is a deeply beautiful blog Anne and yes indeed “Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.”
I agree Anne we need to see our friend/partner for the loving being they are, then, when things come up in the relationship they are easily resolved because we know what ever behaviour they are in, is not who they are in essence.
That’s a great reminder Mary-Louise, as there is no perfection we need to offer space for others to make more loving choices.
‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from’. There are times I allow the world to blinker me to the amazingness in me and the amazingness of others, it is up to each of us to continually live what we know to be true and to allow this to expand outward. Soul first and behaviours second. Thanks Anne.
Wondering “what was that all about?” when talking about an issue or event, full of conundrums and anguish, makes it very clear that, once we have moved on and are no longer in the entanglement of the emotions and reactions, we are neither our issues nor our behaviours and that they actually have no hold over us when we are in the fullness of our true being.
This blog makes me consider: do I really accept other’s first as love in essence, or do I pick out their shortcomings in order to protect myself from potential hurts.
“Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” The more we do this and truly appreciate each other the less we will feel the need to dwell into and make life about hurts. We will see and realise that it was not the person in essence attacking or being disrespectful to you but was rather a lessened version of themselves allowing what ever abuse to come through without checking 1st whether it was loving or not. We are not perfect but do have a responsibility to be and live the love we are.
I have found bringing understanding to why someone is acting the way they are helps to see what is going on for them and to focus more on who they are.
I love what you share at the end of the blog about holding another in their essence, I am finding that the more I do this with myself I then have the foundation to do this with others- I react less to their behaviours and accept how they are and am able to enjoy this more.
When we allow the fog of ideals, beliefs and or judgements of others to get in the way of feeling the true essence of who they are, we lose sight of the intimacy and honesty that can be available to us, when we are transparent and real with whomever we meet. The magic lies in our surrender to all that we are and the honesty that flows from this connection.
A relationship feels like a beautiful opportunity to deepen all that we are. And i know it is.
Thank you Anne for sharing this exercise, which asks us to see the grandness in each other and not reduce each other to our deeds and behaviours. When we open our eyes and senses and see all that there is to see, our lives expand and we can see the bigger plan in which we are placed and play out in.
The beauty of Universal Medicine workshops is that we get to see and feel everybody for who they really are
Beautiful to read this Anne, knowing both of you I can attest to the inspiration your love for each other has on those around you. I love what you have shared about seeing and feeling the essence first.
Connecting to the love that another is confirms the deep knowing of love within ourselves.
Loving ourselves to the bone is key and this is a wonderful never-ceasing well of Love to sink into and surrender to expressing – it stands to reason that our partners, friends and communities will benefit from the Love bomb we allow ourselves to naturally be and such a deep acceptance and appreciation of ourselves extends to all.
We all react when someone sees our behaviours as who we are because we know deep within that we are not our behaviours. The truth is we all just want to be met for who we are, it is an ache that we all carry.
Absolutely beautiful, I don’t understand why we ever wanted to separate from this!
I find it very interesting how we can go into complication and distract ourselves to avoid what is on offer – the grandness of who we truly are.
This is a great blog for me to read. I have been pondering how I can develop my relationships to be more loving. To accept everyone I meet for who they are and not for their ill behaviours is what I got out of reading your blog. To appreciate people and understand that love is a never ending journey, so it is about continuously deepening my relationship with others and not allow it to stay stagnant or too comfortable.
“Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from. In such a world there would be no foundation for petty arguments, crime, abuse, war, or conflict of any kind to exist.” Keeping our hearts open – especially if on the receiving end of some less than loving comment from another, thus seeing the amazingness of the essence of them, rather than what or how they have expressed – would indeed transform the world.
There is not enough surrender and acceptance in most relationships, and not enough dropping of our guards. As a result of the protections we hold, we rarely get to experience the depth of love we have to offer another, and they have to offer in return, and so we all end up the poorer.
Yes, I agree Adam. I recognise this in myself, how I often still choose to protect myself and not be willing to surrender and be open towards people. I find this is not an easy one to break down but I am chipping away at my protective wall as I become aware of myself holding on to it.
I am finding that with a willingness to be honest and speak when impulsed instead of holding back prevents unnecessary hurts from coming in- such as judgement, blame, anger, frustration. Every relationship starts with us first- looking at the reflection when issues come up, without blaming the other or going into drama.
So many of our ideas and beliefs of what a relationship is are not true, it is very easy to fall into comfort of what we think is a “good” relationship when in truth if we are not evolving it is not true relationship. You and your husband have dared to go there and in doing so inspire us all.
I love being reminded of the truth that the depth of love within us is unbounded and then so to is that which we can connect in others. We are all interrelated and we are all one. Acceptance of this mean letting go of the dramas we like to exist in and how we use relationships to sustain this drama and separation.
‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from’. Yes Anne and as you say this can only happen when we know and see ourselves as this first.
‘ Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.’ Yes Anne , everything would certainly be different, we would truly know Love.
A great sharing Anne, there is no doubt there is another layer or other layers of unfolding until we are actually living, everyday, with the amazing-ness that we all truly are. Knowing this can be a frustration and harbouring of hurts about not feeling truly met by loved ones, or it can be appreciation that in each moment the richness and beauty within can shine out, like a sunset or rainbow or blossoming of a flower. There need not be any attachment or seeking of this. As all life is cyclic and not linear, there is always the opportunity for a return.
I have been learning that the key to holding another in the glory that they are is to not have any agenda or expectation of how a person should be. It is our agendas of wanting people and the world to be a certain way that gets in the way of appreciating their splendor.
“Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” And when we accept this amazingness then anything that is not amazing is not them.
You just gave an answer to all our woes and hoorays about war, murder, crimes, corruption, illness and disease, arguments, relationship issues, personal issues etc. When we meet ourselves for who we are , and see ourselves first for the loving being we are, we then can work on our behaviors and issues – but not the other way around. As we are shown – it is not working. Thank you Anne, for sharing your personal story for the rest of the world to read and learn from. A learning that now less people have to go through, after reading this blog. Which is a prevalence of fights, wars, illusions, conflicts, crimes, hate and self-destruction.
It can be difficult to accept that there is no point to reach but it is a beautiful concept too, like a flower blooms and dies and then re-blooms, so does a relationship unfold and thus the cycle and never ending journey continues, not frozen in time but always changing.
Thanks Anne, I need to open up more to people, it’s a never ending unfoldment and there is always deeper to go. I can’t help but feel the absolute joy in this.
I have just started on the baby steps to dating again, what this blog has reflected to me is how I can shut people out and not let them in based on a judgement I have made. That’s not love it’s based on need. And definitely not the foundation for a relationship to be. It’s also a very arrogant way to live – it’s a great learning as we have the choice to learn and grow from this.
This is great to read as I can often be judgemental of myself and others, and in that reaction not see them or feel them for the love they are and bring, I am learning to not need people to be a certain way, it feels awful and hugely imposing – basically it’s exposing the lack of love I have for myself, it also means we miss out on the beauty and qualities they do actually bring.
Being open and seeing people for who they really are would definitely change the dynamics of the world for the better
I find it revealing how we can live for so long with another person and not realise or see just how beautiful they are. It shows how stuck we can become in our patterns and ways of living. True education on how relationships really work would do wonders in terms of giving us a true foundation for how living in a relationship can really be.
Holding anyone in the idea that they are their behaviours rather than they are love and their behaviours are just the way they are protecting themselves, is retarding for all relationships and harming for everyone involved. Because this is an idea that we have to remember and carry with us, we are not allowing ourselves to come to each meeting with love, with new eyes, allowing others that new opportunity each time we meet to step up to the love that they are. If we hold onto this heavy idea, it is something that we spend time nurturing. This is a total waste of time and binds us up in a place that is not love. The best thing to do is to let it go – To let go of thinking it is smart and right and to surrender to love. Relationships can be amazing once they are free from those sluggish horrible things that hold them back.
Beautifully said Anne, great to hear the re imprinting of your relationship with your husband is forever growing. It sounds like your relationship is alive and well. Congratulations.
Our opportunity to deepen our relationships lies with our ability to interact with the essence of who we are not the acceptance to ” the thin red line” of the issue, the limitations of ideals and beliefs as who they/we are.
Forget any kind of state education, if we as children can learn to see another person first from the same amazingness that we know we all come from, then the world would not be in the disarray and mess it is now. Learning or should I say re- learning we are all equal and all amazing is a healing that society has so far denied.
Awesome blog Anne, I am inspired by what you’ve shared and I realised how much I have been holding back in my relationships. It is amazing to connect to people in our lives on a deeper level by choosing to hold them in their essence and connect to who they are, yet it this is not always what we choose. By bringing more awareness to how I am and how I choose to connect to others I can learn to make new imprints to embrace a more loving connection with myself and with others. My relationship with myself affects my relationship with people and building a deeper more loving relationship with me first is key.
I can say with honesty that for a long long time, I experienced and defined my relationships by either my own or the other person’s behaviour – and so it was invariably very variable (ie up and down depending on what mood I or the other person was caught up in)! I had never stopped to consider that the inner quality of a person is always there, regardless if that quality is being expressed, and I now realise this is because I didn’t have an appreciation of my own inner quality and essence that also stayed the same, regardless of whether or not my behaviours were reflecting that… I still find myself often judging myself and others for their choices and whether or not these are loving or not, but am learning more and more to appreciate my own inner quality and therefore am learning to appreciate this in others also.
‘When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line’ . Very true Anne and beautifully said, I know if I focus on the ‘what is not’ with myself and my relationships it is much harder to be loving, when I focus on the ‘what is’ the appreciation and love continues to expand.
Your sharing Anne is deeply beautifull and inspiring on many levels. Thank you for making all the loving choices and taking the steps to deepen yOur Love with yourself and your partner – expressing this all so beautifully, so we all can by inspiration go there too – within ourselves and others around.
To know there is no endpoint, that relationships are not going anywhere makes life completely different and does not allow for any comfort as there is always an expansion in our love, our own love and the love we open up to and share with another person, whether it is our partner or not. To love is to see beyond the behaviours and the patterns and wow to see and accept this grandness is truly glorious.
Dear Anne,
I have returned to read your blog today. Of late I have become aware of a part of me that wants to always feel only the beauty of people, including myself. This has lead me to expecting myself and others to always express from our essence and feeling a disappointment and shutting down when this is not felt. This has lead me to an understanding, that being, how we find ourselves or another is different, all of the time. The life experiences and challenges are forever present for all of us and at times these things influence our behaviors and reactions. Understanding this is allowing me to see beyond our dilemmas to feel underneath the glory. An experience that is forever deepening, expanding and evolving for me every day.
I can very much relate to the belief I used to have that relationships reach an end point a sort of plateau. From here I felt they dipped from time to time before building back up to the plateau again. Thank goodness for Serge Benahyon who has shown me that there is no end point only a choice to evolve a relationship or not.
Recently I became aware of just how many missed opportunities I had had to truly connect with others on a far deeper level than I had in the past. I realised how much I missed moments of intimacy with others and how that intimacy starts with the relationship I have with myself first.
“Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” I believe you have just answered the worlds problems and war Anne!
Loved the Sharing Anne, its great to be reminded that relationships can always be fresh and new, we just have to approach them as so. With this approach I have found its possible to love someone more today then I did yesterday. WOW!
I agree Harry, relationships can unfold, deepen and grow each and everyday. One of the keys I have found is not to get caught up in life and to appreciate both ourselves and our partner. And it sure is amazing when you can say you love your partner more today than yesterday and so far from getting bored of someone you actually fall more and more in love with them, and yourself!
When we open our hearts to love our understanding is grand, such is the ability to let people in, in full and feel the essence of who we are, love and the Sons of God.
Anne – I absolutely agree that there is no end to the depth of love that is possible between 2 people. Age or the past does not have anything to do with it. What i find is that people see just the physical person and cap them to this, rather than seeing the potential of what that person can bring – which is endless. We are forever learning, What we are aware of, how much we want to know about ourselves and other people is endless, so with that comes the certainty that a relationship can forever deepen – and the choice is there for us all the time.
I found your line Anne, “if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship” this is so key for all relationships not just a relationship with a partner. I know that there is the potential for a lot of reaction in the workplace, because I am working in a very corporate environment where there is ‘so much’ complication, that people have a tendency to be very emotive, impatient with each other, frustration, stress and anxiety is present every day. But if we were able to not focus so much on the ill-expression and that that behaviour is not the person, it would be a very different workplace indeed.
I could not agree with you more Anne, “it starts with each one of us”, with our willingness to show the other the innermost part of who we are, rather than the person we think we need to be.
Yes Joel and what I am finding is that ‘our willingness to show the other the innermost part of who we are’ comes with an acceptance and appreciation of who I truly am and the qualities I bring.
Anne, I love when you say ‘there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other’. It is like somehow we can think it can get to a point and that’s it but love is so much grander and deeper than our minds can fathom.
Thank you Anne, I like how you say that “relationships are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!” So relationships are not something that end at some point and you just stay with what you have but it is building a foundation that becomes stronger with every willingness to deepen and expand.
This is a great sharing Anne and exposes how we don’t normally operate in relationships in this way. It would have been very exposing to see if we really do accept another as our partner, and as you describe to do this we really need to accept ourselves first before we can truly embrace another for the love that they are.
I feel that when we hold another in the low expectation of the fault that we perceive, this then plays out and they can play into our expectation. It’s almost as if they say – “if this is how you see me, then this is what you get.”
This limits all of us. What is beautiful is to know the glory and love of each one of us. If we truly look at another and feel their grandness, in time, this will be what they feel to show the world.
Thank you Anne for the lovely reminder that connecting to the stillness and power within helps us to observe and read life in a way that dissipates what is not true and see life and others for their true beauty of who they are.
“Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” I can feel this way of being where we choose to see another from their essence is the key to building true intimacy in relationships as we acknowledge another for their light and love within themselves and not their actions.
This is beautiful Anne, and so important to keep coming back to, the gloriousness that we all are is where we should meet each other. So great to be reminded of that and feel that that is what helps us grow in relationships, the knowing of others that we are more than we show, which will be a continuous evolution.
What if all relationship issues were cause by a lack of love expressed?
Coming to the understanding that who a person is and what they do are not always one and the same brings an enormous amount of understanding in relationships and cuts out so much reaction and dynamics that can occur when we get lost in making what a person does who they are. I have found this at work to be of great support because less is taken personally and I can be more open to questioning what has led to a person acting the way they do which is unnatural, this also supports the lessening to no judgement of a person which can be felt by them, which doesn’t help but only confirms why they should be acting in that way in the first place.
Imagine if we were taught from a young age to accept ourselves? How different would our lives be growing up and how different would the world look if people actually accepted themselves and each other? In not accepting ourselves we are missing a vital tool that supports us to build a strong foundation in life.
Absolutely Elizabeth. Unfortunately the vast majority of people have no real clue that it’s not possible to have a meaningful relationship with others if we are disconnected from ourselves. It would make a huge difference if people understood that looking to others to fill the void in their lives won’t work and that the first step is learning to accept and love ourselves. We will then discover there is a natural abundance of love in and around us.
Every solution, every possible ‘ way out’ for humanity out of the mess that it is in, surely starts with acceptance of self, leading to self-love, and from the point of coming home reflecting back to the world what we truly are
A great message, reminding us to take responsibility with everyone we meet for not judging people by their expression but to discern who they truly are. Also loved your definition of making love = particularly how it encompasses feeling and staying aware of the other person when they’re not there.
I could feel the expansiveness in my heart as I read your second paragraph Anne. After being married nearly 40 years the whole meaning of ‘making love’ has been completely turned head over heels. This I realised (took a while though) and your shared feelings sums this up so beautifully. “Now making love” is a confirmation of the way we have been together during the day. But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do”. Now that’s the foundation for an amazing relationship.
Please replace for this version: Absolute divine blog, simply because God is in there as it is simple as nature. I love what you share here: In reality, our partner is still the loving being that we know them to be, but if in such situations we do not hold our loving inner connection, we can tend to identify our partner as the ill-expression.” As I recognize this, as I trust many or maybe even all of us, we have a bigger role to play and see beyond. It is time to truly feel when someone speaks where this sound is coming from (possible hurts, frustrations, sadness or anything).And to stop reacting or responding because we don’t like it, but simply allow it to be seen within ourselves and others.
What an amazing blog. I know it’s life changing. A day when I’m in the stew of my issues bubbling away, my behaviours confirm this misery and as much as I complain and say to myself I’d like to get out of it, I choose to stay there. But when I connect to the amazingness that I am I see my choices and unloving behaviours as the thin line you mention which is tiny. Living from who I am every movement about me changes – as do my thoughts and behaviours. So if everyone were to connect with the glory of who they are and stay and accept themselves, the world would be completely different. There wouldn’t be the ‘foundation for petty arguments, crime, abuse, war, or conflict of any kind to exist.’
I also believed that relationships were going somewhere and it is so inspiring to read that this not true. Something I am finding out myself as well. What I notice is that it changes the whole time and the change is in the deepening, the opening up, the honesty and in the space you allow each other to come back home to who you truly are. Then the relationship is not about the other, but about you.
Gorgeous blog Anne. I love how you shared about seeing the amazing beauty in your husband and how that is always there even if not expressed. I have the same experience that when I focus on the little things I do not like about myself or my partner they become huge and almost unconquerable. When I focus on feeling the beauty of me and my partner that becomes the focus and I can then clearly understand the little issues and why they are there.
I have had the same experience too Lieke with my partner. It has been glorious unfolding our love together and I realise that the little niggles that can come in are actually just points of opportunity to deepen the love we share, never to solve or to fix
Very true Joshua, the little issues only become the focus or stand out when there is love not embraced and expressed in a deeper way we know is possible. For if the love is there it is impossible to just focus on one little issue!
‘…when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.’ This is a beautiful sharing Anne for your words are so true.
Thank you Anne I love how you describe relationships as ‘a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!’ Getting caught up in another person’s presenting issue is a pattern of mine, but what you present here about seeing someone from their amazingness is so inspiring and allows for constant evolution. The more I let go of trying to control another, the more our relationship blossoms and the more we are both able to appreciate our amazingness.
Yes, it’s like we no longer buy into the issue dictating/defining who that person is. When I allow myself to feel another’s essence and communicate with who they are they can respond from who they are. They don’t have to communicate from their issue. Very refreshing.
Very true Brendan. I can even see myself doing this to myself – focusing on my imperfections rather than seeing my own exquisiteness.
Anne it’s an important realisation that our relationships do not go anywhere. We can deepen them and the love we share together, but there is nowhere to go. Like everything in life…nothing is in a straight line, only repeated over and over (round and round) until we master it.
That is such a great point, Jennifer. I did not realise its full extent until I read your comment. Relationships do not go anywhere, only the quality between the people deepens and I found you do not even have to be with that person physically all the time for this to happen.
That’s so true Lieke. The quality deepens with people even when I’m not them. It deepens when I deepen the quality of my relationship with me and am open with everyone I meet to share this.
Absolutely Lieke. There is a deeper love that can be lived between two people that is far greater than any distance, geography or time. It is a deep deep connection of love and understanding that never leaves and forever remains
Yes I got this so strongly from reading this today as well. That the love between 2 people is never-ending, it can continue to deepen and deepen and deepen and unfold into something richer and grander than we can ever imagine. I also feel that happens for the love for yourselves as well which in turn means love for humanity as well. It all starts with making loving choices.
It’s a constant activity, bringing awareness to when I judge another, have expectations or even compromise with another. This week I had a moment where I realised I had judged someone based on others opinions (what dangerous things opinions are). The truth was quite the opposite as I could feel how genuinely and deeply caring this person was and how some people are absolutely devoted to his service. This was very beautiful as I clearly got to see how false my view was but as I said how dangerous opinions are as we can easily buy into them and miss completely the gloriousness of another.
‘I lived with the outward expression of my hushand, his behaviours….’. I can relate to that. It seems so ‘normal’ to focus on what we see and hear and relate to that, even though we know our partners are more than that. It is like a smokescreen. Easy to fall for. Your blog is a great call to connect to that grandness within each of us and accept each other including ourselves in full e.g.the love that we are with the thin layer of behaviours around it.
‘.. if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship and this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.’ I used to believe there is a thin line between love and hate but that was before I really understood what love is. Focusing on other people’s ill-expression is just another ill-expression.
Such a beautiful sharing Anne. I can really feel how in the past (and yes sometimes still) I relate to another on the same basis of how I live/feel about myself. No wonder that to live a life with limited or no self-love or self-nurturing this then imprints itself and extends to another, a partner a brother a friend – any relationship. The reflection would be returned by another exactly the same way of how we live our life and to not experience and feel that true inner beauty deep within.
Beautiful and powerful sharing Anne, to focus on each others essence brings so much light in the world and in every day. I notice the more I accept my grandness and feel I am a part of something far greater, as we all are, it becomes so easy to live from my essence and not from issues or whatever is going on around me. With this exquisite feeling in myself the only thing I see in others is the love that they are. And like you say this is never static but for a never ending journey.
Thank you Anne for this beautiful sharing and reminder to focus on the loving essence we all are and the more we are open to deepening our love with others the more we get to feel that true love is endless.
Thanks Anne, i feel what youve shared to be a great foundation in any relationship, i Feel in my own relationships that when i stay truely connected and be really loving and open with others it can lead to great healing for myself and others.
Hi Anne, Aawsome blog thank you!! Ive recently separated from my partner after a 10 year marriage, and can tell you first hand I didn’t hold her in the amazingness we all are most of the time, I used to get very lost in arguments because I did not have a very strong foundation of love with myself.. I’ve learnt a lot from the separation and now I have a beautiful relationship with her but not as husband and wife, but as close friends…
‘when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming’. Oh and how we like to indulge in our hurts and the poor me act, allowing ourselves to become stuck in the mud with our issues, thus not moving forward. But fact is We Are Not Our Hurts or Issues…..fact is we come from such grandness, light and love and that is what we are all returning to sooner or later….
Thank you for sharing Anne this is a great reminder for us all that relationships are not static as we often believe. They are always evolving and when others come at us with an energy, it’s important to remind ourselves it is not their essence, it is only energy channeling through them. When we hold the truth of who we are and who they are we all evolve.
Anne, I love what you reveal here about the importance of seeing your partner for their amazingness not their imperfections. If we are always seeing them as the amazingness first, we can allow space to see the imperfections for the tiny spec that they are in the scheme of the person’s overall amazingness.
‘If we are always seeing them as the amazingness first, we can allow space to see the imperfections for the tiny spec that they are in the scheme of the person’s overall amazingness’.I love this sentence so much, thank you katemaroney1.
“Now, ‘making love’ is a confirmation of the way we have been together during the day. But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do. It is how we smile at each other, touch each other in passing, prepare a meal together or feel the other when they are not there. Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’. It is a feeling that is forever with you, and the physical act is a glorious and joy-full confirmation of our loving connection.” What you are saying here is truly beautiful Anne what a different world we would live in if everyone grew up understanding and living like this.
This is a powerful example of how everything in life constantly unfolds and evolves, if we’re open to let it. Many relationships fail because both or one partner stays in a single fixed point, content with patterns that exist rather than forever wanting to be more, continue learning and deepening the connection with each other. Acceptance is the essence. We miss so much and pay the price when we choose to focus on ill—expressed behaviour (and see the person as only this) and completely miss the grander, beautiful person right before our eyes. Thank you Anne, this helped me reflect on a relationship. I can see that what is asked of me is to be more accepting.
Same here kehinde2012, reading this has also supported me to reflect on a relationship with a family member that I have found really challenging. I got to see that I was being asked to ‘be more love’…. and as I did, the understanding came of their behaviour, and where they are at and what was needed, and that was space, to give them space, ( and no pandering!) And just the other week I woke in the morning with these words: In the space the magic can happen. A few days ago I got a lovely card from this person.
What a beautiful example jacqmcfadden04 of the power of reflection, to connect us to the deep well of wisdom that resides within us all and through it we are shown how to be in any given situation. The essence is never give up on another, because when we do, we are giving up on ourselves.
A powerful reminder Kehinde2012 that brought tears to my eyes; ‘to never give up on anyone because when we do, we are giving up on ourselves’.
A powerful revelation for myself too. As always, when we’re open to receive, God speaks through us.
‘In the space the magic can happen.’ Thank you for sharing jacqmcfadden04, this is such a beautiful reminder to allow others the space to be where they need to be and not to try and control a situation as I have been arrogant enough to do countless times in the past. No beating myself up, just recognising that this pattern does not support me or anyone else.
I realised that we don’t just get to a place that is great in our relationships and stay there, no matter how great that moment is, it will stale if we try to coast along. Each moment is a chance to deepen each relationship. It is very beautiful to take this out with you into every relationship starting with yourself and that strong foundation, then letting people in. It is magical when your partner wants this too as this is the chance to really set a relationship on fire.
That is very true Amanda each moment and every moment in all of our expression with everyone is an opportunity to deepen the relationship. I am still developing my openness to let people in and it feels amazing in my body when I do open up and express from my heart.
Anne, you give an inspiring and encouraging description of how (seemingly) ‘all consuming’ issues need not be ‘major stumbling’ blocks both in our relationship with ourselves and others. The stronger the embodied knowing of who we are the easier it is to handle ill-expressions and observe them as such.
Boy did this line stand out for me: ‘Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.’
So easy to lose our connection with ourselves when we give our power away to what we think is wrong with us or a situation.
“When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.” It all comes back to responsibility and choices this is something I need to remember.
It is so true, that we often only recognise the outer expressions that aren’t always true of the people we are in relationship with, while we can feel that what is in truth inside all, as we can feel this within ourself too, feeling this is giving the possibility to constantly develop and evolve to that.
Anne I love how you recognised the deep beauty within your husband. We need to appreciate not only what our partners and friends bring to a relationship, but their own deep essence too, when we do, the relationship already moves to a higher level.
We are so much more than what usually is visible on the surface. Considering the possibility that we are all equal in our beauty and love and to try to not get distracted from the loving essence that we all are by the patterns, behaviors and reactions that we might show.
Seeing ourselves for who we truly are and not for the patterns that we have established in our lives will allow us to see others in that same light to and let go of all the judgement and comparison that complicates life and our relationships with ourselves and others.
I never thought I could ever love my family as much as I do until I read this blog. The levels of love are endless when we allow more of it in.
I always had blaming others as a default setting in my relationships… an uncomfortable but true reflection, and this is certainly no foundation for an intimate relationship, and it was not until attending the course of Universal Medicine, and the resultant nurturing of my self-worth and my connection with myself that I was able to heal the age old hurt that drove this pattern and to establish a more true and connected baseline of awareness in my life and relationships
I realised not that long ago that I was blaming my partner for all sorts of things, just because I didn’t like some of his choices. Communicating has made a big difference as has allowing him to be. Actually that has been huge. As has me not controlling him and things as much. It’s certainly a fast track to enjoying my relationship more.
How often do we judge and are judged by our behaviours? No-where before I came to Universal Medicine did i hear anyone present that we are not what we do. Yes we are responsible and accountable for what we do, but it does not define us. We are always incredible, divine beings beneath our behaviours, so just imagine a world where we related to everyone in this way. All excuses for behaving a less than who we truly are would pretty much disappear overnight. When we feel another see us for what we do, their judgement reinforces/confirms this to us so we go deeper into the belief that we are what we do, however if this judgement becomes understanding, with the other looking past our behaviour and holding us as the amazing being we really are, the love being offered is a call to step out from behind the mask and make a different choice.
I like this blog, not because it looks good, but because it is real. Thank you Anne. It starts all with connecting to our inner-heart and knowing that we all are one and the same, with or without hurts and pains (behaviors and patterns). This is the best feeling and news ever! I am so glad I met Serge Benhayon.
I can really feel that when we focus on an “ill expression” from out partners (or anyone for that matter) that we only see and express from that ill expression and not from the love that is the foundation of the relationship. This is so profound, Anne, and yet makes so much sense -I still find myself going there at times but no more!
‘When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line’. I love this line Anne, we are our own creators of these so called issues which when in our glory are seen as a speck of dust upon our crystal vase.
I often say that my relationship with my husband is how I relate to the rest of humanity. He provides a safe, nurturing, loving relationship, were I’m learning to truly love and build trust in people again. As you have shared Anne, I to am learning to see him for his glorious self and not his actions. For me I know that when I’ve built this foundation with him I’ve built it with all.
What you write is such a turn around for what is the ‘normal’ way of communicating. We are so identified with our own ill-expressions and behaviours and those of others. We make them huge. This is the confusion, the idea we are these behaviours. I see it daily happening and distorting relationships. If we see the behaviours indeed as thin red lines, then there is but to see and experience that we are surrounded by so many lovely people including ourselves. What does it take to make that shift? Indeed to fully accept and embrace that who we are: love.
Perfect for me to read this today Anne, as I am looking at all my relationships and how I am in them. For me it feels like a gentle process of allowing others in and of trusting myself and my expression, but mainly it has to do with letting me out….. as I made a decision a long time ago that humanity did not deserve my love, thus I held it back. Still work to be done on this but I now observe the desire I have to connect deeper with all others comes from the deeper connection I have with myself and my body.
This is a very informative blog Anne. You share much that we can all learn from and take into our own relationships even if we don’t have a Partner at present.
Very true, this awareness can be applied to all we come into contact with
Anne this is amazing. I am not in a relationship with a parter at present but am definitely in a relationship with myself and everyone I meet. It’s quite something to consider how I have identified myself and others with the ill-behaviours we are not. How I have condemned myself as being the all sorts of negative issues/behaviours I think I am because I have acted them out/thought them rather than be more discerning about what I align to – what’s me or what’s not me. How refreshing to read how my love of myself and others is forever deepening if I choose it to be so.
This reminds me of how much I can get drawn out of myself and how standing firm in love is so crucial in developing relationships.
I love this Anne, what a great blog calling us all to be more and to go there in our relationships.
I imagined how I would respond if my partner would ask the same question your husband did in the session. I can feel there are so many ideals and beliefs about what a partner or husband/wife is and how untrue they are. What came up in me first was ‘I am not yours I am my own being’ as in a defense and not wanting to acknowledge being in a relationship afraid to lose myself, but then I could feel this came from an idea that I took on from society, what it means to be in a relationship with someone. Some of the ideals were ‘as a woman I am lesser than a man’ and that ‘the man is in control’. After feeling this I could feel that is not at all how I feel my relationship with my partner is, and what being in a relationship is truly about. It is about being in harmony with each other and like you shared, seeing the beauty in the other person no matter what happens. It is truly beautiful to feel how these ideals about being in a relationship are not true and therefore can be let go off and live what I feel is true. Thank you Anne, this blog is deeply inspirational.
Bringing this understanding to our relationships with those close to us is very powerful as how we choose to be in them, so we will be in all others.
Yes Michael what we can reflect to each other can be utterly amazing!
Anne I agree. With all relationships we often get to the point where we believe we have got to a really great point, where we are honest and loving with each other, this is with partners and friends, what if this was just the marker for taking the relationship to the next higher level. Making it about a forever evolving relationship that never plateaus or just becomes comfortable.
“As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices,” This is such a profound statement, it blows away the illusion that we need to get an end point there is always so much more to connect to.
It sure does nicolesjardin, we are trained to get to an end goal yet it means we miss out on the fact that love is ever deepening and the possibilities it brings with it. I used to think that a loving relationship meant it would be plain sailing and nothing would come up to look at, ie. it would be perfect but see that this does not allow any space for evolving and deepening love. Only by looking at the way we are living and the choices we are making can we make more loving choices and so in turn deepen our love.
Hi James yes I held that belief as well and after 18 years of marriage it has exposed many of the beliefs i held onto about relationships and what I thought a good one “looked like”, If there is a struggle in how we are relating there is an opportunity to dig deeper and see what is at the root – sounds simple but sometimes the ride is a bit bumpy.
I like what you say about seeing things from the bigger picture and how that takes our perspective to a breadth of view that puts all our troubles and woes into a more proportionate representation – one where they appear insignificant rather than all-consuming.
Truly beautiful expression Anne,
When we see the inner beauty within ourselves it also opens that door past all the ideals and beliefs to the glory that exists in the other.
It is beautiful and so powerful, what you have shared here, Anne. One I will come back to read again. It is a stop point for when I slip into not seeing my partner as the forever divine and beautiful person that she is, and get blinded by the ‘stuff’ that we all have. This is an awesome reminder that those things are mere specks of dust in comparison to all that she is.
Today I had an experience of having lived with something but not truly appreciating it until it was no longer there. It made me realise that we often focus on the what is not instead of embracing and celebrating all that is in front of us.
Yes Kristy, we often find it so much easier to pick holes in something than to appreciate it. And this is a reflection on us as we are so much more familiar with not claiming how gorgeous and amazing we are. We can change that around and start appreciating ourselves in the true loveliness that we are.
And this, Jenny and Kristy, gives us also a reflection of how we use our power to narrow our lives instead of expanding it. It is an irresponsible behaviour which brings us on top no joy at all. Appreciating ourselves and others comes with accepting the power we carry as well and use it for us, instead of against us.
I am the queen of focusing on the what is not. I’m becoming more and more aware of this and I notice how much it hurts me to live this way, so critical of everything around me and of myself.
Anne, I had a similar experience with a relationship, that we had reached a point of ‘very good’. But I found that we did use this point, this base we developed not to develop even further, but to comfortably sit down and try to stay here. It was like we want to hold this stage of relationship on this ‘good’ place, to be safe. But we had to realize that by trying to hold what we have it melts away between our fingers… Relationships are there to develop, to flow – trying to hold firm does not work.
But what works is appreciation and honoring! And I found that this is the way to go. There is the time to deeply honor what we have and built together, and there is the time to go deeper. Life is always unfolding, pulling us to develop – if we chose to stand still we say NO to evolving and the hurts. Trying to control relationships hurts at the end and does not really work at all – lets surrender to what shall be…and enjoy evolving.
So true Sandra. By trying to maintain a relationship where it is, we are effectively saying no to evolution, as well as thinking we are protecting ourselves from future hurts by holding back our true expression. The reality is, when we hold ourselves back from being grand, we hurt ourselves far more than what anyone else can throw at us and what usually happens is we end up relying on the other person to provide our ‘happiness’, to fill us up, and an expectation like that…never, ever goes to plan for long.
A relationship based on an ever deepening understanding of who we are, and are evolving to be. Now that is the way I want to live.
And so am I!
Seeing the love deep inside instead of the patterns and choices on the surface is the key. Having understanding and supporting each other to connect back to that love, but at the same time allowing everybody their own choices, no goal, no agenda, no manipulation towards an outcome that would suit us.
This is the absolute freedom and beauty of truly loving.
Well said Michael, having no expectations or demands on another person to be anything other than themselves is key. It is amazing when someone gives you the space to simply be.
Yes, that is one of the biggest gifts, allowing the other the space to simply be.
It is something as adults and parents we can learn to do more for our children. Being there in full for them but without holding any expectations or judgements over them. Simply presenting them love and allowing them the space to do what they want. Then when we present the possibilities and facts of what may or may not happen they are listened to much more rather than when we impose something and say do not do that or something along those lines. I know for me if someone has ever told me not to do something I have always wanted to do it out of reaction to get back at the other person for not trusting or respecting me.
I agree James, and I can relate to what you say here. If somebody tells me not to do something, well, then I just want to do it, like you say, out of reaction. But also when somebody tells me what to do, I can go into reaction and not do it. So giving space and feeling the trust is really important, for all of us.
It is, what it also does for me is confirm that I am already enough without having to do anything – so I am confirmed in my beings rather than confirmed because of something I have done to please or satisfy somebody else. It is a subtle difference but quite a big one!
I guess that is what it is all about, to confirm each other in our being and not in our doing. But as we mostly start relationships because we need something, we therefor also want the other to do something to fulfill our own needs. If we start relationships from an honest foundation where we share our needs and deal with them, than we can truly be in a loving relationship where it is about being, rather than doing.
I agree Mariette and it is such a vast difference when we are with someone, in a relationship, not because we need them but because we love them and want to share our lives with them. It feels completely different.
This is so beautiful James, if this is the foundation of relationships, a foundation without needs, then we can just be with each other, grow and evolve together and just let the other be. This carries a knowing that everything we need we already have and then like you say, you share your life together, not because you need to, but because you chose so, from love.
It is beautiful Mariette. The commitment to be together for a purpose rather than simply to satisfy each others needs or tick the boxes is a huge difference. It means that you can then work together to deepen all areas of your life rather than constantly playing a game where you do not want to upset your partner in anyway so compromise. Love is not about compromising in any situation it is about bringing truth to each and every moment.
Acceptance and love whether it is in a relationship with ourselves or with another, is as you say Anne, a ‘never ending journey’ and not something that can remain contained, or stagnant, but is forever evolving, otherwise it is not true love.
This was such an beautiful point, love is forever expanding and moving. To think one could contain it, one would miss the Glory of evolution.
I love your comment Kim. I wonder why I wanted to believe in the idea that at some point I would reach a finite level of okness where I could rest. Was it because I was wasting so much energy trying to get somewhere and/or trying to create comfort and familiarity in having a cycle keep on repeating itself?!
When I am open to what is being communicated to me by the universe I do not get exhausted. So feeling exhausted is a great indicator for me to look at what am I resisting in my evolution.
True Katie the commitment should be about bringing the focus to deepening the love first
I agree, a great way to approach relationships of any sort “If on occasions our partner’s expression, or way of being at a particular moment, is from other-than-love, if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship…” When we ‘focus’ on another persons issues, I feel it says more about our own issues and unresolved hurts. It is something I know I have done, working through this and meeting some one for all that is amazing and divine within them changes the dynamic of the relationship.
Absolutely Brendan, the number of times I have let those imperfections get in the way of all the love I feel. They can rise up and consume me, yet when I subsequently rise above them I realise that they are a mere pimple when seen in the context of a wider love.
“I lived with the outward expression…which were not always honouring of this loving inner-being”. I know I have offered this to too many people in life – the mechanics of existence rather than the inner warmth. The former gets the job done, yet the latter brings all the meaning to why we are doing it in the first place.
Very beautiful Anne, the connection with others from our inner most, is what is uniting us all, the love that is deep within.
Anne I loved reading your ever deepening and evolving relationship with your husband Greg. What beautiful simple daily examples of love making you share.
Its true Anne ‘relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!’ and this is an ever evolving process.
What I have enjoyed reading is the way you have shared how making love is how you are in every moment of the day, looking after each other, the movements, the gentleness, the smile, just sharing a normal day with each other, or, feeling the other person when he/she is not there…
Holding each other in love, not expecting anything and supporting the other to evolve is the pillar that will support a true relationship. But this pillar will only stand strong permanently on the solid foundation of love, care and understanding for ourselves.
“I lived with the outward expression, that is, my husband’s behaviours and choices” – this sentence really shook me. Wow. This takes me deeper in understanding what acceptance truly is. It is about essence: I – in my essence, holding another in their essence – which sounds obvious, but I clearly have not lived that. Thank you, Anne.
Dear Anne, thank you for your honesty and insight. I really felt just how valuable what you have shared here is. So often we are confronted by peoples poor choices and behaviours, they are a constant assault to our sensitivities but when we start to feel the world through energy and deeply feel the people around us and closest to us – wow there is so much beauty and grandness you wouldn’t want to look away or lose sight of the gorgeousness right in front of us! To see and feel this with all people is inspiring. Thank you for the reminder of what I felt was always there but was easily distracted by the poor choices of others. I have also realised that my ability to see others in their true light comes from my ability to accept my own beauty and brilliance.
Thank you Anne for highlighting that an ill- expression from our partners which if focused on can bring such disharmony within the relationship. And what’s important to note is that this ill- expression is not them. If instead we could see and feel the amazingness that we all come from, how different would our interaction with each other be. Definitely worth connecting to and building on.
I loved rereading your blog Anne. What you describe is so important in any relationship- to hold the other person in its true essence, even if they don´t act like that. Accepting their greatness ( the same time you are accepting your own) helps to not lose the contact to it- great point and inspiration…Thank you!
This comes with true authority, Anne, because you really live it. Thank you for this beautiful reflection on human relationships. What effect would this have on our divorce rates, when your blog was read to couples on their marriage days?
Realising that truly loving someone and committing to a relationship means that you can and will have to forever deepen what you have, might feel challenging at first as, but in the end it is but a blessing. The blessing of an ever growing love and true intimacy.
Anne I love your candid blog. It is such a refreshing and beautiful sharing of a Love that we don’t always hear of. To be able to come back to seeing that amazing person, even after some small irritation , and know that they are always there. Thank you for sharing Anne.
On the subject of love, and falling in love with my mum, my dad once said “I knew I was in love with your mother when I found myself talking to her, feeling her with me, even when she wasn’t actually there.” My mum and dad shared a great relationship based on respect and mutual understanding. They seemed to be a team and backed each other 100%. They continued to hold hands on outings their entire married life. Growing up I aspired to this. But in the knowing sense I understand true love today, this was not love but it was dedication, true commitment and for me an understanding of a ‘good partnership’. Through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon, his family and The Way of the Livingness I now know true love is an ever deepening lived ‘beingness’ and true relationship extends way beyond ‘partnership’ to everything we are and everything we do/say/think and the way we do it and be it with/to/for ourselves and everyone and everything else every moment of every day.
“…Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” We have lived this in the past and it will be our future.
“Now, ‘making love’ is a confirmation of the way we have been together during the day. But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do. It is how we smile at each other, touch each other in passing, prepare a meal together or feel the other when they are not there. Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’. It is a feeling that is forever with you, and the physical act is a glorious and joy-full confirmation of our loving connection.”
While I seem to ‘know’ these words when described, I have not experienced this in an intimate relationship with one person thus far. Feels very beautiful Anne.
Thank you Anne, this has been so powerful to read “…when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things.”
I recently had a similar moment at a Universal Medicine Relationship Workshop with my husband where all the ‘stuff’ that I give so much attention to dissolved in insignificance when I re-connected to the gorgeous, playful, caring and loving man in front of me. In that moment I could not imagine ever saying or doing anything to him that would be harming.
I agree Anne, if we saw through ill behaviours with partners, children, family, friends or colleagues there would be “…no foundation for petty arguments, crime, abuse, war, or conflict of any kind to exist.”
As a Mum, I am blessed with a constant reminder of what you share, Anne. When my children behave badly, I know that is what they have chosen and not ‘who they are’. This is so easy with children because when they are born, you get to feel the beautiful being that they are, long before they make irresponsible behavioural choices. It is now for me to feel that beauty in all others too.
I second that Carmin – there is no denying the beauty, delicateness and pure love felt from your child when they are babies. I will often remind my daughter of how she was as a toddler/young child and she loves to hear this. Somewhere in her she knows it already and appreciates the reminder.
Thank you Anne. I really enjoyed reading your blog. Accepting ourselves as beings of love first and foremost means we can then accept another as that also. Acceptance plays such a big role in our relationships.
Acceptance means everything- we are so fast in finding something wrong in the outside, instead of looking at ourselves and check what is missing in us. To accept us changes everything- I am still working on my acceptance, but I have a feeling that this is the way- accepting me in full and in everything- then I can let the outside be however they want.
Well said Mary. Love that is held for just one other withers and dies; there can be no deepening. Love thrives the more people it is shared with and the potential is infinite.
Thank you for your very honest, open and deeply touching blog, Anne. I love what you share here … ‘If on occasions our partner’s expression, or way of being at a particular moment, is from other-than-love, if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship and this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.’
This is so true and something I’ve been very aware of in myself lately in my own relationships. I can feel myself reacting to something the other person has done, or not done, said, or not said and I then find it very hard to hold them in the deep love that I have for them. It’s as though I allow the ‘love bubble to deflate’, instead of choosing to disassociate the behaviour from the person and continue to hold them in the deep loving connection that I have for them.
This feels so true Anne … “When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.” You have reminded us once again, about the importance of always being connected to ourselves and the love that we are and to live life from THAT.
“Now, ‘making love’ is a confirmation of the way we have been together during the day. But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do. It is how we smile at each other, touch each other in passing, prepare a meal together or feel the other when they are not there. Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’. It is a feeling that is forever with you, and the physical act is a glorious and joy-full confirmation of our loving connection.”
This paragraph is so beautiful and touching. If we allowed ourselves to live the depth of love you described here Anne then I have no doubt that our relationships would transform. I can feel the tenderness, the fragility, the letting go of control … it has touched my heart.
Anne thank you for your deeply enriching blog, to feel the intimacy your relationship shares has deepened the understanding of holding myself as ‘an amazing, loving and Glorious being’ as my foundation and from there to share with all I meet.
This is a great quote “when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.” Thanks Anne for the reminder to see ourselves firstly from the amazingness that we come from before going to our issues.
Re-reading your blog Anne today I came to a new appreciation of it. There are so many little gems in here! I love your clear description of the difference between making love and having sex and that making love has no beginning or end but is a constant feeling of joy and connection with each other. You have also given the answer here to avoiding stagnation in a relationship which so often happens. To be open and committed to constantly allowing the love and glory and acceptance to grow and expand for ourselves and also with our partners is the key to maintaining that spark between two people regardless of the number of years together.
Re-reading these blogs definitely deepens our appreciation. I have to say it never ceases to amaze me how awesome it is when I read something and learn something profound… and then I read it again and learn something equally profound but completely different. The beauty is that this principle can also be applied to our relationships, for we can constantly deepen our appreciation of another by being open to observing their different qualities, in the full knowing there will always be other qualities that will come to light too.
To consider for one moment that we can relate to another through their divinity, their innate ‘amazingness’ rather than their issues, was a huge revelation for me and it was not something that I could do until I first began to truly appreciate this quality in myself. It is possible and it is deeply enriching and joyful to live sharing this quality.
It does flip things on its head for sure… the glass overflowing from an endless source of love within as opposed from ‘trying’ to fill a glass from the outside (and constantly spilling it!)
It is a huge revelation for me too. It makes sense to me on a whole new level today.
I just happened to read this blog today on my wedding anniversary so in answer to the question as to whether I accept Christoph as my husband the answer is ABSOLUTELY YES. As I wrote on my Facebook page today: I have now been married to Christoph Schnelle for 22 years and we also live and work together 24/7 and yet every moment with Christoph is precious. So often I look at this gorgeous man and feel the joy and blessing of being with him, can’t imagine anything better and then the next day it is even more awesome. The love, respect and relationship that I have with Christoph has taught me so much and expanded to such a level that it now includes many others and continues to expand… at this rate it will not take long until it goes global and beyond!!!
Beautiful to read this again Anne and the inspiration to see past peoples behaviours to the essence of love that we all hold.
Ann truly beautiful and thank You for reminding me of exactly the fact to re-connect to ourselves first and see the other being in their essence and start from there and in a learning process to come always back to this :). Cant wait to live in a world like You described it 🙂 meanwhile I live it to the best I can myself and re-connect to the future-me where what you’ve written is already reality and lived from a daily basis. With love
Nadine
Anne thank you for sharing your story about the love and support you share with your partner .Its inspiring to read about how the two of you have developed such a gorgeous connection with each other. I have loved getting to know you both and always felt supported by you both. Thank you.
Thank you Anne … and what you have described removes all judgement, criticism and hurt from situations and supports us to see ourselves, and others for who we really are, even in moments when the behaviour does not reflect that. This is really powerful, and enables us to remain loving and open and not shut down within relationships.
Such a great reminder for me Kylie while I am with family. My biggest clue that I have taken something personally and made someone’s behaviour to be them, is when I can’t let go of it or think about it a lot. This will be a great supportive blog for me to revisit.
Thank you Anne, I always enjoy reading this one.. It’s amazing to realise that a relationship is never ending.. That even though it’s fantastic, there’s still more you can be with that person. Which makes sense, because we are always growing.
This is so Gorgeous Ann to read. I can feel your Love and Playfullness around your relationship with Greig. It’s inspiring to read. Allthough also exposing. There have been so many times that I’ve chosen (!! this stood out for me) not to see the Amazing and Beautiful man or woman in front of me. It feels like I’m not allowed to feel the Beauty, not inside myself, nor inside others. There’s a fear of chosing this as a constant or in fact The Truth. I loved your line about how the world would look like if we would chose to see the Beauty in ourselves, first and foremost. Whatever happens, surely, all dividing ideals, beliefs will disappear and naturally there will be less fights, no war, etc. I’m looking forward to that day. But for now, starting with myself:-).
When I read your blog Anne, it makes so much sense and I recognize it as an absolute truth. Yet I still find myself falling for the patterns even though I know the truth. I know that I have made big steps in seeing that people are NOT their behavior. And the more I accept who I am the more I can see the other person for who he or she is. There are still more steps to take and I am on my way 🙂
I have always maintained that part of the problem with our relationships is that we start them on a high point, albeit a high point that is not always based not the truth of who we are. In the beginning we are quick to compromise who we are in order to ensure that who we present is who we think we need to be to make the other person like us. Of course this game is not sustainable, and thus why the honeymoon period quickly wears off, as we start to get real again about the relationship and what we really want. What Serge Benhayon brings to the table for us to consider is that relationships are about constant evolution, constant deepening, and the constant letting go of ideals that we might have about we want the relationship to look like. The only truly important aspect of a relationship worth holding onto is that of love and intimacy. As for the rest, if it does not contribute to this foundation, then it is not worth holding onto.
Beautifully shared Adam. Rather than putting our best foot forward trying to orchestrate an outcome all we need do is present who we truly are thus opening up the possibility for a true relationship.
If we stay on the surface and never go deeper to feel our true selves or others then we are forever caught up in emotions. The roller-coaster ride of highs and lows, the needs and wants, the never-ending search for love. It sounds exhausting just writing it. However love is just love, pure joy that never ends, that is eternal, that is deep within. It needs nothing from you and you don’t need to give anything to love, it just is. It’s that simple, so extremely simple that people override it as they are more familiar with surface complications than the love they once held as a small child.
Anne I loved your blog and especially your beautiful description of what making love truly is. It was also so inspiring to read, that with honesty and the willingness to open your heart to allow yourself to see all that Greg was (is), how you were able to deepen your relationship and to see him in his amazingness first and foremost. What a wonderful foundation to build the next stage of your relationship on.
This is gorgeous Anne, I loved your sharing. I am having no partner relationship at this point in time, but I am recognizing what you shared about seeing your partner for the ill pattern instead of who he really is. I have found that I could get very emotional and upset if I would see my partner doing things I did not like.. I would go into hurts and then the blurry would take away my clear focus (I normally have). This is what I have experienced a lot of the time. Each relationship I would have got into, I would be faced with the exact same issue. By being more connected to myself, recently I have found, that I was loosing sight in relationships because I had no true foundation within myself to stand on – once that issue would pop-up. This was an incredible strength to feel again – that I am not my issue. I could feel instantly detached from an issue I would normally go into (sometimes without even noticing). I found that by getting to know myself – I actually learn how to deal with things in life. And YES also with the harsh and stubborn issues.. Like you shared, Anne, only a thin red line, nothing really big, actually not a real issue.
So beautiful Danna, I can really relate to having issues present in a relationship and it really impacting me because 1. I would allow it 2. there was not a true foundation within myself to stand on, so the issue would wobble me and I’d want to stay in the issue 3. being stubborn when some issues would arise, I wanted to be right or make the other person ‘understand’ me, when at times they just did not have the capacity or capability to do so. I am still unfolding with relationships as we all are, but I definitely feel a deeper foundation within myself and this does radiate out to everything I do and how I am with people. Having a strong foundation for oneself enables you to bring more understanding to others, but also to discern what feels right for ourselves too.
This is very powerful Raegancairney and Donna. I am now divorced but could see that in my previous relationship I had no foundation of love, acceptance or appreciation for myself and once I felt the hurt of his behaviour, I would withdraw instead of loving myself more deeply – I had no self worth and therefore no platform to work from. It’s wonderful to see a new way has been re-ignited through the teachings of Universal Medicine for us all to approach relationships and making love in a new way. Taking full responsibility for my own life and the self-care practiced each day has been key in returning to a true way of being in any relationship. I realise too how much I have allowed my hurts to hold me back in the past from being love with myself and others and that what seemed like a mountain of hurts was just a small layer in comparison to the amazing, glorious person I am, so never sweat the small stuff, I say!
There is no end.
I love that. It just gets deeper, more loving, each time around the sun.
It does not stop. How beautiful is that?
That is beautiful simplesimon888. That makes me teary, so true.
So beautiful Simon. I’ve learned so much from reading this again today, there is such wisdom being shared in this blog. There are no plateaus in love, and in the amazingness we all are. I particularly loved the point about not identifying people by their behaviour, and making them right/wrong or more/less as a result. We all have the capability to express in un-loving ways, but at the end of the day it is not who we naturally are. If we are then given the opportunity and inspiration and connect to that love, it is all right there to be expressed in an instant, should we so choose it.
Thank you Anne, I like how you have highlighted the importance of holding our own connection to love and in doing that we can also hold another with the same quality, offering them the opportunity to reconnect to their own self without imposing on them how we’d like them to be.
Great sharing Francisco and a simple reminder that imposing has no room to hold love and connection.
This piece of writing has touched a deep part of me that knows this ‘true loving connection’. There is sadness that I have allowed my own protective behaviours and the old patterns of another to come up first and get in the way of seeing the inner love and glory we both are in that moment first. The memory of the love and connection to God is there in it’s fullness and instead of seeing and living this with others, their’s and my own old beliefs and pictures I hold in my head get in the way and have dictated the way forward in the past. Thank you Anne for sharing. The love and glory you have connoted to in your partnership can be felt and is a truly beautiful thing.
Being able to see everyone as equals, to feel everyone as the inspiring lights that they potentially are, is the mark of someone who deeply knows themselves, and from that understanding has come to a point of energetic freedom from which they understand that all that is left then is to serve humanity, and with everything that they do and say, inspire all around them to realise their true potential. This is what Serge Benhayon lives and breaths.
Hear Hear Cjames2012, what you express here resonates with me deeply. I have become aware of just how much the many distractions and attractions the world has to offer no longer have a pull over me, and that indeed as you so beautifully express; ‘all that is left then is to serve humanity…….. and to realise their true potential’.
Cjames2012 what you have written feels like a manual/instructions for the human being. How wonderful if we all had the opportunity to read what you have written here. You sum up the purpose of the human being perfectly.
Beautiful cjames, all the superiority and inferiority that we adopt or take on, by choice, blinds us to the true equalness that we have within. It is only by holding each other as equals in every way, can we learn what is brotherhood, true relationship and love.
That is a beautiful sharing cjames. And yes this is also my experience with Serge Benhayon how he holds everyone equal and inspires everyone to live their true potential.
Absolutely Chris to see another as an equal we must first accept ourself as being equal to all.
This is a beautiful truth cjames2012, so well expressed I can feel your every word.
A very deeply beautiful piece Anne – thank you. I can feel how when we commit to love and allow our love to move us, our way of living becomes truly loving and the glory we are is lived and equally celebrated with all. Your wisdom and your loving way is truly inspiring Anne.
This is beautiful too Carola. Committing to love and accepting Love in ourselves, is what allows us to hold another in love, and in that the other gets a reflection of the love they are also, and have the choice to accept that for themselves.
I am also learning that in accepting Love more deeply allows me to accept my imperfections and not be so critical and condemning, but rather acknowledge them as areas where I have not allowed Love to be, and thus brings the deepening of the commitment to love.
Thank you Carola and Annie for your observations. What you say Annie is so true, once we see ourselves from our glory, our imperfections are insignificant in contrast and are just showing us where we have not chosen love. However there is no end point as there is no ‘perfection’ just a forever deepening of love in all areas of our life.
AnnieC when I read your comment I just realized that if I’m critical of myself then this is how I am holding others and seeing them. I’m getting caught up in our surface emotions and not going deeper and feeling and seeing my love first and that of other people. Thank you Annie for helping me see this.
True Lindell, when there is self-judgment and criticism we are constantly bringing ourselves down and making us less, and then in that space will judge another to bring them down also.. but if we can fully accept and appreciate ourselves and who we are we will be able to respect and hold another in that same quality and allow them the space to be where they are also.
True Anne, there is no end point, just a forever deepening, expanding, greater understanding and joy.
Beautiful Annie. This turns criticism and hardness towards ourselves on its head. ‘I am also learning that in accepting Love more deeply allows me to accept my imperfections and not be so critical and condemning, but rather acknowledge them as areas where I have not allowed Love to be, and thus brings the deepening of the commitment to love’ no perfection but a loving appraisal of where we have not allowed love. Very healing for me to read this today.
Great steps in true responsibility towards others by attending to self first.
This is beautiful Carola, it reminds me of what a very wise woman recently said to me when I was having trouble in a relationship, it’s really all about my commitment to love and nothing else.
So true Kim, wise words shared. As there is not a thing that can compare to the All that Love already IS.
Awesome advice Kim. This is great to remember in all circumstances. To check your own commitment level.
Absolutely Irena, it simplifies all that we try and make complicated.
Lovely punchline…….we need to hold this view towards ourselves first. That is where it starts and can evolve from to others.
Wow Anne, everything you reveal applies deeply to my own relationship – with me. I can see that confirming what IS true in others and me, allows me to live from true reality instead of these thin red line issues.
I loved reading your blog Anne, especially the point that, at times when we forget the amazingness that our partner actually is, and instead, see our partner and the ill action as one and the same. Something to always remember, that underneath all the actions lies the grandness of who we all are.
To read this again Anne has been profound. To not identify our partners as the expression they may be exhibiting but connecting instead to the deep loving truth of who they really are is incredible to realise. To not allow ourselves to feel the hurts or irritation of their non truthful expression but to understand when we begin to feel those hurts, to simply reconnect to the love and truth of who they are, give the situation space, and then express from there. I now understand more deeply the responsibility to live in a way where I am present and not racy, and do not go into auto pilot momentums of patterns of behaviour. My husband is sleeping; I now want to wake him and tell him how much I love him! Thank you for this blessing Anne.
My husband and I have been together for 18 years and when we met it was based on attraction and needs. Even in that we had a commitment to growth, it wasn’t until we found Universal Medicine that we found presentations that supported us to grow individually but were also inspired to nurture and develop our relationship. We are learning to communicate in a way that is not about defending and blaming from our hurts but rather a commitment to understanding the truth and each other and appreciating what we each bring.
I agree that so often we view ourselves and others from the point of view of their actions or behaviours first and immediately judge them to be worth something or not. This judgement causes reactions and further judgements and conflict etc. What Anne is presenting here is maybe the key to healthy relationships is connecting with the other person’s essence first and just seeing the behaviours or patterns as thin clothes they happen to be wearing at the time which may be well worn, not quite right, clashing, unpleasant to look at but are simply covering up a beauty underneath.
Lovely Anne what a powerful blog. Imagine your amazing sharing would be educated at school or in the kindergarten! I only can agree to what you say: “In such a world there would be no foundation for petty arguments, crime, abuse, war, or conflict of any kind to exist.”
Hi Anne. Thanks for Sharing. Relationships sure are about evolving together. I love living in true relationships, because I never know what I’m going to say or express, but if I’m connected to who I am then what ever comes out is pretty awesome.
Harry, I can attest to the fact that when you speak, if you are “connected to who I am then what ever comes out is pretty awesome”. I have often been blessed by what you say when you are choosing to be connected to who you are in truth. Once you hold this connection in all that you bring, what you will bring to nursing as a profession and in relationship to all the patients in your care, will be nothing less than true service!
This is such a lovely sharing…I found very powerful when the exercise was shared with the question “do you accept your partner (name)/” I immediately felt that question in my body and what came up for me with my partner who i love deeply….
Like you Anne, it also truly started for me in meeting Serge Benhayon and attending Universal Medicine. Serge Benhayon has been a true role model for me in truly relating. Serge Benhayon lives loving relationships as i am also developing and its magic to start to have real connections with your partner, family, friends, colleagues etc…making love is 24/7!
Indeed a recipe to a delicious relationship.
Appreciate, adore, grow together and repeat.
Great blog Anne. The inspiration I will aspire to live from today (and every day beyond) 💗
I want to get a sign above our bed that says ‘we have no issues’ it is remarkable how by focussing on the issues they become disproportionate and distract from the love that is solidly there.
I have found connecting to another’s essence melts away much of the tension I might feel otherwise, especially at work. And rather than being in reaction to what is going on there is an allowing in me not to get affected by them.
So beautifully shared with us all Anne – “There is no beginning or end to ‘making love’.- For this to be in our every day and our living way what a difference that would make.
Being love with each other ….true harmony.
Anne, I am so glad I came to re-read your blog today. I feel the truth of what you have expressed, that we do know and feel the essence of our partners and those around us, and that they are not always living this. I feel for me I need to also work on identifying myself as glorious and not as the issues, as I get to know myself in that new way, I will be able to automatically extend this understanding to everyone I meet and know. Beautiful wisdom Anne, thank you.
Absolutely Melinda, and if we always see ourselves as our glory first and extend this understanding to everyone we meet so that we always see and appreciate others in their glory first, this expands our access to the wisdom that is held in the space between ourselves and others – as Serge Benhayon shared at a UK workshop.
This is beautiful Anne, ‘my husband was an amazing, loving and glorious being.’ It is very supportive to read your article, I know this about my partner but can often see him as the behaviour and forget that he is still in truth an amazing being, thank you for the reminder.
I love reading your blogs Anne, your expression is so truthful and sweet, just like you. The love you connect to and share is palpable and what you glean from workshops becomes part of how you live which is just beautiful to read. Being able to deeply recognise how glorious one is and also to accept them completely from that place is a big call to be very open to receive and accept – it sounds like a wonderful exercise. More writing please!
Wow. Just to be the rich and stupendous love that we are is so simple ! Thank you Anne.
“Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” What an amazing time that will be Anne and it will come.
Agree Deborah, the day will eventually come when we all see another first from the same amazing-ness that we all come from. The students of the Livingness have a responsibility to see this in each other and hence inspire others to do the same – when that day comes is up to us!
We get bogged down in our old patterns as they are comfortable even though they are not pleasant. Yet if we step out of them and look with love, the issues are small and the love that we and our partner are, is huge.
Anne oh how I love this blog! “relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!” Yes and what a joy-full journey relationships can be if we choose to accept them for all the wonder and love they are, not matter who we are connecting with.
Hmmm… it turns the blame game on its head
Dear Anne, it was so timely for me to re-read this blog today. Thank you for your beautiful expression here. I loved all of what you shared. One point I like to highlight here: the fact that when we start to focus on – and accept – our own glory, our perceived issues are but a thin line. But when we choose to BE in those issues, they appear so much bigger than they are; it’s just a trick to keep us away from feeling the amazingness we all are.
Exactly Esther, those issues blow themselves up like a balloon. They seem to be giant, but in fact they are nothing more then the hot air we have blown them up with. Once we stop feeding them, they will collapse in themselves and there is just the thin and light cover to be gotten rid off.
So interesting to read about the exercise – do you accept your husband or wife? Amazing. I am just feeling now that if there was a lack of acceptance there then it would mean it was highlighting a part of yourself you could not accept. Thank you for sharing.
“Now, ‘making love’ is a confirmation of the way we have been together during the day. But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do. It is how we smile at each other, touch each other in passing, prepare a meal together or feel the other when they are not there. Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’. It is a feeling that is forever with you, and the physical act is a glorious and joy-full confirmation of our loving connection.” – I love what you write here Anne, that it is the quality we have been in during the day and not just a certain activity.
It can be so easy to see ourselves and others as our/their issues. Anne, your words ‘… this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.’ are a timely reminder to come back to connection with my own inner essence when I catch myself falling into this old trap. Anne, thank you for sharing your story.
Anne I love your candid honesty here – I love that a relationship is a never ending journey – though sometimes it boggles my mind. I also agree that this is not just with the one person you choose to be intimate but with everyone, and if we could see everyone as the amazing person they are first – that would be world changing.
It is so easy to see and identify anyone as the ill-expressions, ignoring the amazingness they truly are. This is a gorgeous reminder of the blinders we wear to the truth behind their expression due to our own lack of connection and acceptance. Considering the true beauty in there being no depth to the love that can unfold between 2 people, it is only this lack that stands in the way.
Admitting your relationship was based on mutual needs and convenience should be a big ‘ouch’! Usually these days it would either result in divorce or further use of detractions to not notice this fact (the planning of holidays, renovations, having kids etc). However with the presentations of Universal Medicine, you have turned this around and are heading back to the fullness of love that our relationships were meant to be. This is remarkable and needs to be studied.
Great point Fiona, so often in relationships we chose the distraction and comfort, so it seems that you don’t have to deal with whatever is going on. The issues don’t leave though. Even moving house does not change anything, as I believed it would some time ago…..great distraction, but once you have moved in and you are settled, the needs and convenience have not left. No matter what beautiful place you live in…
I have always had this strong belief that with relationships, you needed ‘to get somewhere’. Like this linear line, where you meet, and from there, there is this end point where we have to go to. More and more I realize that relationships are like a dance, where we move in the moment, and there is no where to go. In every moment, with every dance, we have the choice to go deeper, to be more intimate, to let the other more in and to be fully open. With this dance, the relationship can unfold, not to an end point, but just moving into the next dance.
Thank you Anne, it is very healing and loving when we choose to focus on the innate love and glory of others and understand that they are not their behaviours whatever those may be, this allows more space for expansion within the relationship and more often than not whatever was an issue becomes meaningless.
So true, there is such power to fully appreciate another from their true essence and not identify them from their behaviours and reactions of their hurts.
Very true, I remind myself of this often as a parent. The behaviour is not who the person is… it is just a behaviour.
“As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other.”
I love what you have written here Anne, and what has been my experience is that the more I know the love that is within me, the more I see it in others, and they are not even a partner as I am not in a close relationship but that does not mean I am not able to feel the love.
Beautifully said Francisco. We cannot remind ourselves enough that we are not our behaviours; that we are all much more than that; it allows for expansion within the relationship and the issue can become meaningless.
Thank you for your openness and honesty with your article Anne. Remembering that we are all glorious loving beings and seeing ourselves and others through this lens is the foundation for truly amazing relationships.
Yes Karen, ‘we are all glorious loving beings’ and who we truly are, are not those behaviours that reflect other than love…..
Anne I really enjoyed deepening my understanding of accepting my partner and other people for the Amaziness they are no matter what behaviours they may be choosing. I can this is an understanding that I need offer myself when I go into behaviours that do not reflect my amaziness also.
Thank you Anne for the wisdom that first and foremost we are love but we often focus or get distracted by the un-loving behaviors of people and we hold them in that and not the love that they truly are.
” If on occasions our partner’s expression, or way of being at a particular moment, is from other-than-love, if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship and this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.”
Yes, I have fallen for this, and now know that outward behaviour is not the person.
Thanks Anne for explaining this more deeply.
Thank you Anne McRitchie for making me aware of the fact that it is so awesome if we can see through the ‘ill’ expression of our partner and first and foremost see the lovely and glorious beings they innately are. What would our society would look like if we all could live this in our everyday lives with all the people we meet?
Dear Anne, Thank you for your deeply inspiring,open and insightful blog on relationships. It has inspired me to feel the essence of another rather than focussing on their faults.
A wonderful reminder to make the connection to myself and the “lovingness” of my actions the benchmark for how truly loving my relationships are.
Making ‘that’ the standard…
Amen to that!
I love that!
What you have presented about relationships and making love at the beginning of the blog Anne I have always known to be true, yet this isn’t presented anywhere so its so easy for love and sex to get misconstrued and skewed (misconskewed) to what we see everywhere else. No wonder I felt weird in relationships within this area.
It must be incredible to be deepening your relationship with Greg after being together for such a long time. To be able to just let your partner, and anyone, be in their behaviours while always knowing who they really are is something that really could change the way we all live and relate to each other. This level of understanding is quite beautiful. I will take this with me as a greater awareness and see about living with this level of understanding. Thanks Anne.
Very timely read for me Anne. The responsibility comes first from ‘you’ holding the love and not letting expectation run what your partner should be like no matter what ill behaviours they may go into. (I stress) Always connect to the amazing being that your partner is and love so dearly and never ‘lesser yourself’ because by you being you, they have a greater potential to return to who they truly are.
Well said Luke, I love that: never lessen yourself, because by being you, the other has a much greater potential to return to who they truly are.
Agree, and with an ever building consistency, you can even begin to inspire yourself.
Yes I agree, seeing people for the glorious beings they are and not their behavior is a beautiful way to connect with everyone.
wonderful to reread this Anne, and so important what you are bringing, it is so easy to focus on the issues and that is all. Rather than as you share the other very real possibility of focusing first on the divinity of the person and making that what you connect to. Starts with ourselves, connecting to that what is within first before we ‘do’ anything.
Thank you Anne for your beautiful reminder that ‘making love’ is not only about physical contact but also in the way we express to each other, ‘it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do. It is how we smile at each other, touch each other in passing, prepare a meal together or feel the other when they are not there. Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’. It is a feeling that is forever with you, and the physical act is a glorious and joy-full confirmation of our loving connection.’
Seeing people as the glorious beings that they are instead of whatever behaviour they are displaying at the time is a huge paradigm shift. You have offered us all something very profound to consider here.
I agree Elizabeth – it totally changes your whole world and way of thinking.
It sure is Elizabeth. Seeing people this way opens up enormous potential in a relationships that may have otherwise been rather life-less. When I read this blog I feel Anne and Greg’s relationship come alive and feel inspired to take stock of all my relationships and feel how I can bring the same.
I love your comment Elizabeth. How common is it to do the opposite, react , judge and take the behaviour personally instead of remaining connected to the glorious beings our partner or anyone is…no wonder the divorce rate is so high and there is a general complacency in relationships. We haven’t made it about connection first and foremost.
‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.’ What a world it could be Anne. What you have shared here is an opportunity for all who read this to know there is another way not just for some but for all and that it is a simple connecting to the love that we all are.
Anne, I have read this blog before, however I am eternally grateful that I re read it this morning. The following sentence is so very supportive for me. “In reality, our partner is still the loving being that we know them to be, but if in such situations we do not hold our loving inner connection, we can tend to identify our partner as the ill-expression.”
When stuff happens it can be difficult to remember this, so thank you for the most divine reminder.
Thanks you Leighstrack. Even more important than remembering that our partner is in their essence ‘a loving being’ although they may not live this 24/7, is remembering that for ourselves. Too often we convince ourselves that we are the ill expression rather than a glorious being who is choosing to see themselves from their issues and not from their glory. It is always a choice!
Lovely reminder Anne, thank you.
Beautiful wisdom shared, thank you Anne!
Hear! Hear! Lets have more love! I choose love!
So true Anne. How often do we forget that we are making the choice constantly? Your blog is a lovely reminder of this and I’m left pondering how many articles truly get to the bottom of what you have shared. Sharing your experience of your relationship with your husband brings a whole new dimension to what we are in truth here to accept and develop. There is no end, just a beautiful and forever deepening.
True Ann, it is so easy to come from this side of ill expression and believe this is the way we or others are. But starting to accept that we are ‘loving beings’ in our essence – also makes it possible to see others as that.
Also we tend to make ‘an elephant of a fly’ (German saying), so when we look at our or the other’s glory first, the issue or misconduct can’t take over and become overwhelming.
Thank you Anne and Leighstrack for highlighting this part. This is also a great reminder for me. When I go into reaction with people, it is easy to identify them with the ill-expressing and then go into blame. This is a horrible cycle of destructive behaviour/thoughts that doesn’t actually benefit anyone. So when I open my heart and truly connect with people and accept that everyone is a loving being the destructive thoughts cannot exist.
I felt like dancing when I read this blog. So gorgeous to hear you sharing such different experience on relationships. I could feel the love and joy in which you write about you and your husband Greg. And I have been fortunate to meet him and yes he is an amazing man.
Thank you for sharing Anne, a beautiful reminder that a persons outward actions and issues are not the real representation of who they truly are.
Ann, one word comes to me in a red bold: WOW. Beautiful!!! Your blog is a living example of the fact that relationships are a never ending journey of ever constant deepening!
I agree emfeldman, this blog is indeed Beautiful and I loved the truth in these words: “Relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel”!
That is also the line that stayed with me. We are on a journey together and how we travel together is the key. Do I accept e.g. see the love that he is every moment and not get distracted into patterns and behaviours? As we are travelling today together for a few weeks I will take this with me.
I agree emfeldman! I have just read this blog again, and it is such an inspiration… thank you again Anne!
Thank you for reminding us that all our relationships are a never ending journey, that there is no perfection and no end. Although it can be challenging at times to see all the beauty in the other person it is beautiful to observe the unfolding in our relationships.
Relationships with others is the same as with self and as you have stated Anne its a never ending journey.
I love re-reading this Anne such golden words of wisdom.
Loads of gems in here. I particularly like “I could feel as a truth in my own body that when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.”
So true Anne there is no place to get to and what a beautiful never ending journey to travel on. Its easy to get caught up in issues and pettiness that they becomes a major stumbling to a loving relationship and almost impossible to appreciate the other, its time to honour the beauty and inspiration we all bring to each other each and every day
Yasmin, thank you for reminding us that ‘It’s time to honour the beauty and inspiration we all bring to each other each and every day’. As we deepen our appreciation of ourselves, so can we more deeply appreciate others and what they bring, and thus true brotherhood … This is a glorious unfoldment.
I love your blog Anne, so honest and so much in what you have expressed.
Making love being the confirmation of how we have lived the day and that there is no end to the unfolding and deepening of love shared and expressed together with another.
Also that we choose how we travel together seeing each other for the love, Joy and Glory that each and every one of us innately are.
Thank you Anne, this is truly beautiful… What an inspiring expression of love, the love you share with yourself, your husband and all people. I am truly touched and something that really resonates is how we can choose first to feel and see people for who they truly are – what a beautiful way to relate with the world, and ourselves and what strength this brings.
I have had some interesting moments with my partner as we develop our 18 year relationship. It happens when one of us may have dealt with or healed an old pattern. A familiar conversation will occur and one of us responds differently or the same investment in partner responding in a particular way isn’t there and then the other continues on the old path only to realize the other person has moved on from the “game”. It’s an odd moment when the dynamic shifts it reminds me that it always takes two to tango, and even if you feel your partner isn’t ready to deal with something you can take responsibility for your part in the dynamic, and move on.
I love this Nicole, as you say, ultimately it is all about self-responsibility.
How awesome to learn to really feel the greatness and love of another instead of getting caught in behaviours and patterns that keep us in protection and somewhat distant. I am learning more and more to do this with everyone and i can feel how when i am meeting someone for who they really are those behaviours have very little chance to be there for long and even when they do it is much easier to address them from understanding rather then judgement.
I love what you have shared here, Anne. It has given me the opportunity to really feel what happens when we focus on the behaviour rather than the person. We in fact lose sight of the person completely as it becomes all about the behaviour instead. Wow, this is a revelation! As you have shared, if we make our relationships all about people this makes an incredible difference, as we never lose sight of the glorious inner essence that every person has equally, and we can only do that by being connected with ourselves first. Thank you for the gorgeous reminder.
What I love about your blog is the fact that it is transferable to any closer relationship. We see the others trough the glasses of past experiences instead of choosing every new day to see them in full, in a new way – the way of love. That they are just as you said: glorious and beautiful from their essences.
I really love what you are sharing here and it reminds me to not personalize someone with their non loving choices. Like you say, if you keep your inner connection, than you can still see the true essence and their glory. Very great reminder and inspiring words from you- thank you!
Thank you for sharing Anne. It is so true that all relationships are a never ending journey of uncovering a deeper love and appreciation for all by the connection of love we hold within ourselves.
Anne I love the point that you raised that if we can apply this to all of our relationships, that is to see the person for the love that they are, to accept them warts and all, wouldn’t our relationships go to a whole different level and we all get to feel and share the love! Thanks for the reminder.
Anne, yes “it starts with each one of us”. If we pause and reflect we can see how our partners, friends, colleagues and ourselves as the amazing beings we all are. Once felt it is easier to recapture the feeling and enter into relationships at a meaningful level.
Indeed, every relationship is a never ending journey.
And when you truly commit to love and responsibility and totally let go of the self, the constant evolvement in it will make possible the most amazing changes and moments.
Thanks for the clear insight Anne. It’s good to remember who our partners really are rather that getting bogged down in dramas that come and go. Once we come from love, everything is clear.
Gorgeous Anne every part of what you have shared, particularly inspired by the focusing on issues making them seem all there is. Rather and much more loving is to feel the true glory that we really are and look back from that place within! Such a sea change from where most of us live from.
Yes Vanessa, but the ‘sea change’ does not involve extensive planning, packing up house and moving homes to a different location. The ‘sea change’ to ‘feel the true glory that we really are and look back from that place within’ only requires a different choice, which can happen in any moment if we so choose.
This is really cool Anne. I love learning of stories and observations from those with a few years on me. “Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from” – this I particularly enjoyed, for I’ve recently started to show much greater understanding to friends of mine, with whom I often forget are amazing in heat of a moment. By holding myself and others in this light, it’s a much more mature relationship and greater freedom is afforded for us all to be glorious.
I really appreciate this insight Anne – knowing that I myself have chosen issues and behaviours over glory I can understand how much that ‘outward picture’ of me is hard to accept, because it does not truly represent me at all.
Anne – thank you for sharing your journey of a true relationship.
I did once think that I had to be perfect or enough to take the next step in a relationship – but I really do understand now that relationships are a journey – a constant changing of where you are going and what is unfolding.
It isn’t about being perfect, but about being loving, about appreciating ourselves and each other and never let any ‘hiccups’ be more than the love that is between us. You and Greg have a beautiful relationship and I can see how it still can grow and change no matter what point you are at.
Yes Hannah, as with all aspects of our life, relationships are constantly deepening as we forever deepen the love that we allow and the love that we express to all others, equally so. As you say, ‘it isn’t about being perfect, but about being loving, about appreciating ourselves and each other and never letting any ‘hiccups’ be more than the love that is between us’. If you constantly keep these words in your heart, your relationships will truly serve and inspire others.
That is beautiful Anne – and I love the idea of keeping words in my heart so as to inspire others. It really is a cycle of love.
This is great Anne – each person is a loving being and one that wishes to be communicated to as such. Whenever there are ‘issues’ it is so important to remember that they pale in comparison to the grandness of the person in front of you, and they are not in fact their issue. The same goes for ourselves. A great reminder, thank you!
Anne I loved how you stated that making love is how we are in every moment of the day, and you go on to explain that we grow that love within ourselves and then we are able to see and feel it in everyone else. This is such a more expansive way to live lovingly than the old ideals we have held.
Hi Anne I love this “If on occasions our partner’s expression, or way of being at a particular moment, is from other-than-love, if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship and this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same”. This is so true and the downfall of most relationships. Without being able to hold our connection to ourselves in the face of any situation there can be no true understanding of another.
Yes Kathleen, as you remind us so beautifully, it is all about holding our connection to ourselves, to the glory we all carry within, then it becomes very simple to see the glory in all others equally so . .
Yes Anne, so very simple and quite a sight…I suppose you could call it having great insight!
Thank you Anne for this beautiful sharing. It is so important that we acknowledge in ourselves that everybody is equal to us, equal in their beauty and gloriousness. If we build all our relations we have on this fact, then the arguing will cease and we would only celebrate the coming together and live in great appreciation of each other.
I love what you have written here Anne. My husband and I are also feeling the joy in the continuous unfoldment of our relationship. At times we do get stuck on the ” issues”- however trivial they may be. However in the past it may have taken us a week or more to get past the issue it now takes us an hour or two as neither of us want to be stuck in the issue and can feel how we contract by staying there!
Thank you, the world would look and be very different if we would see each first and foremost for the amazing, wonderful and loving beings that we all are. Our behavior, patterns and issues are then like dots on the ceiling and in this way, we create so much more understanding for each other.
Dear Anne, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and understanding so openly. This is such a practical look at what a longterm loving relationship is really about; so many amazing points you bring to our awareness.
Fantastic, in-depth article Anne thank you for sharing your lived experience,
When you said “if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship and this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.”
This is so true, we need to separate the behaviour from the person expressing it, and then we gain understanding in a conflicting situation.
Anne this is lovely and there is so much wisdom in here to read. You seem like you have really deepened your understanding of relationships over the past little while and are really living in the joy of what a true relationship can and does look like. What a beautiful description of love, when you share that we are to best be in relationship by living the connection first with ourselves, and then we are able to hold that expression with another. Truly, thank you for this blog as it is an awesome reminder to let people in even if they sometimes say things and do things that may not feel right, or good, or lovely, or even true.
You describe a truly amazing development where it is not about a heightened period of mutual attraction and the honeymoon, but an ever evolving unfoldment of a deeper and ever more truth-full love.
Absolutely Gabriele, as you say, “it is . . . an ever evolving unfoldment of a deeper and ever more truth-full love”. If we are to continue to deepen the love, then this cannot be kept for just one other but must be something which we bring to all our relationships and never hold back from, even one other.
Anne, how easy it can be to slip into seeing our partners as their behaviours and staying there. But what if we focus on our connection of love and allow them to just be. Then the relationship never ends and continues to amaze.
Beautifully expressed Anne and so true we are on a never ending journey ever evolving and accepting more love with another. This comes from accepting ourselves also and not judging as we grow in greater understanding and love ourselves, our relationships can blossom with a knowing deep inside. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Gorgeous Tricia – ‘we are on a never ending journey ever evolving and accepting more love with another.’ Tangible – so far from what we commonly call relationship – but at the same time an exquisite and inspiring naturalness that what can be is something not static, but ever deepening in understanding and love.
Anne, I really appreciate your wisdom you share about you and Greg intimately with us all in this blog. I can’t imagine a better article to read as part of pre-marriage counselling (or post!), as it goes well beyond the surface level ‘issues’ and asks us to ponder on making love, and accepting our partners, knowing they start with being amazing and that the behaviours on top of that are just a blip on the surface, coming perhaps from a lost connection to themselves. Knowing this would take that ‘stumbling block’ away.
Well said Suzanne, absolutely, never forgetting how amazing our partner is, even when he/she behaves differently to that, it doesn’t change who they truly are.
Anne, I love the honest way you have exposed the truth of how we are in relationships. I do not live with a partner but the same applies to all my relationships. As soon as I focus on the other person’s behaviour I have abandoned my love for myself and the other person. The issue then takes over, but, as you have shared, “When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line”.
This is lovely Irene. As you say, how we are with our partner, ‘ the same applies to all [our] relationships’. In this way it is a forever deepening cycle – we go deeper with our self, then deeper with one other and then deeper with all others. The last part is the key – if we do not treat all others as we treat our partner then we plateau and there is no further deepening. As with all of life and the universe, there is a cycle to everything.
You have presented this very simply Irene. As soon as the behaviour becomes the focus then the love for self and others has been abandoned. So simple.
Great blog Anne I was definitely meant to read this today, thank you for the reminder to stay connected.
Anne, I really appreciate your words, especially: “but if in such situations we do not hold our loving inner connection”… which reminds me that it is so important that we keep checking in with ourselves to see where we are at as we go about our interactions with others.
Absolutely Helen, as soon as we allow our self to disconnect from our loving connection, which is a choice we make, then we can no longer see others first from their loving connection but instead we come from re-action which is harming to both self and others and in no way honouring of the divinity that is innate within us all . . .
I loved what you had written a year ago, which was quoted- just glorious. Also, something definitely to ponder and learn from- “If we focus on the ill-expression…this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.” Thank you, for this invaluable wisdom, and the truth and reality you speak from.
This is very supportive to read Anne, ‘If we focus on the ill expression it can seem like a major stumbling block’ ‘and this can lead us to see our partner and the ill expression as one and the same’, I know that I can do this with my son, that if he is behaving in a ‘crazy’ way that I can completely focus on the behaviour and get annoyed with him for this, thus not staying present with myself but getting frustrated, it’s great to remember that he is still that loving being that I know him to be.
Thank you for sharing about this acceptance exercise, after reading this I felt like I too had taken part in this exercise (although I previously had not taken part). “What the ‘acceptance’ exercise made me aware of was that the same principle applies when we are with our partners. If on occasions our partner’s expression, or way of being at a particular moment, is from other-than-love, if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship”. As I read this I felt it could be applied to all relationships including our relationship with ourselves. I will often judge myself, after reading this I now know, I could allow ‘me’ to accept ‘me’ as a whole- all the good and the not so good bits. When we judge ourselves we are creating a much bigger issue than if simply accepted ourselves and moved forwards.
Thanks Anne for sharing your experience. It is very interesting to note that I read so much of your article without paying any attention. My mind kept wandering, which is no surprise, as the thing I find the most difficult is to accept myself wholeheartedly, and therefore find it difficult to accept others. This blog post will be here for me to read a few times over I think!
Lovely, see each other first from the amazingness we all have inside. Indeed the issues become a very thin line.
How we are with ourselves affects how we see others. Could it be that simple?
Viewing everyone with a fresh set of eyes unlocks the beauty that we are all trying to hide from at some stage or another in our lifes.
Lovely Anne thank you for reminding us that we are more as we think we are and therefore that our relationships with everyone is so to speak endless because it is forever evolving. This is important for me because I find it sometimes very difficult with group work and the dynamic there. Here I lost sometimes the knowing that we are more and this can lead me to see a group member and the ill-expression as one and the same. So I can “imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.”
Yes Ester, when we lose ourselves it can be very easy to fall for the trap of seeing ‘our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same”. The more we claim ourselves, and are present with ourselves, the fewer openings there are for this trap to catch us. . . we no longer take the bait!
Thank you Anne. I had another lesson today about judging ill behaviour which you have confirmed in your beautiful blog…… ‘this can often lead us to see our partner (people) and the ill expression as one and the same’.
Thank you Anne for the deep insights into how our relationships don’t have a start and end point but are a for ever evolving journey towards deepening our love. I love how you say that “In reality, our partner is still the loving being that we know them to be, but if in such situations we do not hold our loving inner connection, we can tend to identify our partner as the ill-expression”. So true and such great reminder.
Wow yes, so much time wasted on focusing on ‘issues’, when the truth is just a thin red line compared to the love and amazingness that we are!
Very inspiring and revealing blog Anne! You hit the nail on the head for me about what happens in most relationships and why the disharmony is present.
I shall go back and ponder more!
What a great read, thank you Anne. What really stood out for me was that we need to maintain our own loving inner connection to continually see the truth of others. It’s really easy to allow another’s behaviour to colour how we see them, but it’s the reality of our own connection that allows us to know what’s true in another by first feeling it in ourselves.
A really lovely blog Anne. Full of learning for all of us, packed with understanding, allowing, accepting and love. From reading it I feel I can let go of all the unnecessary bits that I hang onto that just complicate my beautiful relationships. Thank you.
Thank you Anne for your honest and beautiful expression. It feels amazing that as we go to a deeper level of connection within ourselves, the loving connection we have with our partners will continue to deepen as well.
Great to read your blog Anne. How you have explained the relationship between you and Greg (that making love is a celebration of the love you are throughout everyday) is exactly what I have known making love should be like! Though it is not often seen that way and I definitely haven’t always treated it that way. I also loved your sharing of the exercise done at the workshop. Acceptance is key and often difficult as we rarely accept ourselves so find it difficult to accept another…the exercise would be an amazing experience though.
Dear Anne, I love the depth of wisdom you have shared here. That there is no ‘end point’, and thus no ‘ideal’ to reach for or seek in a relationship – for if we are truly open to all that we (each) are, then we are always deepening, growing, and, to use an esoteric term ‘evolving’ (that is, returning to the Glory you speak of, that again, is no fixed point).
And that we each have the ability within us to stand in truth, and hold our partners, friends, colleagues… in the light of truth, lovingly so – thus depersonalising and detaching ourselves from so many of the tensions and dramas that could occur (if we fed them), and allowing the potential of true relationship to actually be a lived reality.
It takes astute inner awareness as you have described, but is most definitely a way of being I am also committed to. Thank-you for an awesome blog.
I too am learning to accept people in full and allow them to have their stuff that still needs to be developed without being critical of them. And I am allowing myself this process too. A wise man said to me once (or twice or maybe more !!!) “We are the forever student”. We need to give ourselves permission to be this.
Thank you Mary-Louise, a learning we could all benefit from, thank you for sharing this.
I’m appreciating the conversation you have opened up here Anne for us to truly appreciate that every single one of us holds an equal beauty and essence that can be ignited by just recognising this truth! Thank you
Thank you Anne for your beautiful expression and honesty regarding your learning in relationship. I appreciated your articulating the common trap I too fall into of getting caught up in a situation and hence loosing the opportunity to see my lovely partner as the divine expression of love that he is.
You and Greg are an inspiration Anne, because at a time in your relationship when you could simply give in to the comfortable ways, you are not. You are both willing to go deeper, discover what lies underneath the patterns and be uncomfortable.
And what you have shared is relevant to very relationship in our lives.
Very cool Anne, Thank you for sharing the exercise you did in the Sacred Esoteric Healing Level 4 course, I can imagine that would have brought a lot to the table for everyones’ relationship (pun intended).
It’s great to hear how open you were with allowing whatever was there to come up and be discussed.
Anne, this is so lovely ‘relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!’
A great blog Anne, the way you finfish off saying “Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” – made me stop and really imagine what that would be like, and I have to say it was an interesting exercise. What about the wars, what about sport and all the competition, what about nationality and the idea that we are different to (perhaps even better than) our neighbour on the other side of the border… are we as humanity willing to let go of these patterns we have been running with for aeons?
Reading this at the end of my day today is perfect because I have been very aware today of loving everyone equally. What has stood out is that I am not able to live this yet but I am committed to being able to live this way so that the love I have with my partner I can share with everyone. As you have indicated Anne this has the potential to change the world.
Thank you Anne, I appreciate the openness and honesty with which you have written, and the beautiful reminder not to dwell on our partners and friends ill behaviours and expressions, but to choose to see the inner beauty which resides within.
This is great – “Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from” – and yes I can totally imagine this. Not only would our relationships with our immediate family and friends be much deeper and cherished, but the way the world ticks would be a totally different way.
This is so lovely to read Anne. Having observed you and Greg makes it more powerful for me as I have seen the true expression of “make love” in how you are with each other. It is very inspiring to see what is possible in a relationship. I have also realised by reading this how much I hold people to their ill-expression and by doing this I shut myself out of loving relationships. For me, this is massive.
I love what you have shared here Anne, there is so much that we can all take into our relationships. I especially loved the line “Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from”. It feels so unifying.
Love this blog Anne, so many gems. Your clarity on how we choose to live from our Glory or wallowing in our issues is really relevant to where I am at and makes so much sense. It’s all down to a simple choice, live from an issue or claim the Love and amazing-ness I am. Thank you Anne. Feel I will read this again and again.
Thank you Anne, I love your honesty and sharing of your relationship – it makes your point very easy to relate to. How beautiful for you to share and realise this with your husband and also be able to relate it to all relationships – as love has no end points within each relationship, or between all people. It is for all.
I love the line Anne in which you state,’ this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.’ A beautiful reminder for me to see past the behaviors in everyone and know that they are first and foremost an equal Son of God.
Thank you Anne for writing this beautiful article. I often notice that a lot of children see ”another first from the same amazing-ness that they (we) all come from”. It is often shown in a very simple (or sweet) way (from a grown-up’s point of view), but its purity of holding another in love, respect and equality is so so precious.
Absolutely Ryoko. Imagine a world where children did not lose this ability and continued to hold others ‘in love, respect and equality’ throughout their life? Yet we socialise and educate children in a way such that this natural awareness becomes buried under layers of ideals, beliefs and behaviours which are not naturally them. It is a joy to see some children now being raised differently and retaining their natural purity.
Anne yes the love and loving does not end, it just is and how lovely for it to deepen to a point that we cannot control. What a delight to experience the changing moments each day as we share our space with our partners and confirm in those moments the love that we hold each other in.
I love this blog Anne, ” my husband was an amazing, loving and glorious being.” all I can feel is the deep love and appreciation you have for another being, with no judgment of others this is so refreshing and amazing to read as we often hear the complete opposite when people talk about partners. I have no doubt it will inspire many, no matter who they are in relationship with, as you say – imagine a world where we all connect and see the amazingness in a person first …. definitely one day 🙂
Yes Tony, in a relationship we all have a tendency at times to see our partner as the ill-expression they may occasionally allow, rather than always seeing them first as the glorious person they are within. However, as we see our partner more and more from their glory, so this translates to other areas of our life and we see others first from their glory and not from an ill-expression which they may at times choose. This transforms not only our own life but also inspires others around us. However the key here is to first see our self from that same glory rather then identity with our unresolved issues or hurts which are miniscule when seen from our glory.
Anne – I felt so joyful reading your blog. How you and your husband are choosing to develop and live and love together is an inspiration to the world.
Anne, thank you, your blog has so confirmed what I have felt recently for myself.
Amazing blog Anne, very timely to read. I realised this morning that if I really feel and accept how amazing my partner and my family are, I just cannot help to also feel how amazing I am and that I am so worth it to be with these amazing people in my life.
Awesome blog Anne. I loved feeling you share your experiences here. I could feel that truly accepting my partner and their glory is equally about accepting myself and how amazing I am.
Relationships can be so insightful, thank you Anne.
Anne, having had a couple of interactions today where I focused on another’s ‘short-comings’ I really appreciate your very simple words “In reality, our partner is still the loving being that we know them to be, but if in such situations we do not hold our loving inner connection, we can tend to identify our partner as the ill-expression”. That is exactly what I tend to do; lose my connection with myself and then really it’s ‘in the lap of the Gods’ what happens next.
Yes Alexis, ‘focusing on another’s shortcomings’ is old era now. We are here to evolve each other and the key is to hold our connection so that we can continually read the situation and give another the support they need at any moment to evolve. When we are connected to our inner most, that divine place where our soul or god-part resides, then whatever happens is as you say ‘in the lap of the Gods’ – that is, in our lap!
I so enjoyed reading this Anne, to feel the connection you came to within yourself therefore to be able to feel that in your husband. Which as you also share, the radiates out to all others in anyone you come into contact with. Any other relationship. Just beautiful. Thank you.
I wonder what would happen in the world if in our relationships we saw our issues as a thin red line, rather than being and participating in the issue? Would being able to see the issue for the tiny thing it is (and that will soon be resolved and forgotten) remove wars, divorce rates, violence and fighting? Would it be difficult for people to let go of their issues simply because the drama of it can be so intoxicating for all of us? A great metaphor “the thin red line” – one to remember the next time an issue comes along to tempt me to get dragged into the well.
Yes Heather, this simple wisdom from Serge Benhayon has served me and others well. When we are in an issue it can be all consuming as is seen so often with someone in psychosis – the issue becomes their whole world and they allow themselves to be trapped in it, like a spider in a web. They are in fact ‘intoxicated with the issue’. Serge Benhayon never sees us as our issues – rather as the glory we truly are, even if we have not claimed that for ourselves. As we will never be ‘perfect’ on this planet, we will always have ‘thin red lines’ but I trust that they get thinner and thinner!
Such a beautiful blog Anne – It brought up so much with the relationship I have with my amazing husband. your words “to see the same love and glory in the other” that deep connection so beautiful. We are still a work in progress after 40 years and as you said “we do not hold our loving inner connection” all the time that’s the “blips” we are becoming more aware of and gently working with. Thank you Anne I shall re-read this many times I feel.
Anne, this is a beautiful blog. I love how you describe the daily ups and downs and how the inner beauty of a person can still be seen, beyond that. It is so easy to lose oneself in arrangements instead of staying true to oneself and our partner.
Sometimes I forget the importance of not mixing up who my partner truly is and what he does. It is well worth being reminded of this, as you so beautifully do Anne, and as we are reminded again and again by Serge Benhayon. Thanks to this I have the most precious relationship with myself, my partner – and also with my friends, family, and all the people I meet.
Thank you Anne for this loving and deeply inspiring blog :o)
I love the paragraph the refers to how we see people in their stuff and potentially judge them from there, rather than connecting first to who they truly are and observing the behaviours, responding fro our inner-connection rather than from reaction.
Anne as you write, “that relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!” I too am experiencing that relationships are about evolving together – there is no finale, they are ever growing and deepening. And part of this is accepting and appreciating myself, accepting and appreciating my partner, family and friends, and accepting and appreciating my life – how far I have come and how so much more life and relationships have to offer.
Beautiful blog, Anne. Such a gorgeous sharing with so many gems.
I love your insight:
‘I was also aware that this was not what I lived with twenty-four/seven! I lived with the outward expression, that is, my husband’s behaviours and choices which were not always honouring of this loving inner-being and instead on occasion came from emotions based on ideals and beliefs which had no foundation in truth.’
So true, I often forgot to see the amazing beautiful being the other is and focus on the things they do or say I don’t like/find difficult. And it all starts with how I look at myself. If I, just like your insight:
‘claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.’
Great reminder to keep coming back my own glory, because from the first thing I see is another in their glory and not their issues.
Anne, great blog, the distinction you make between what the person truly is (always deep down someone who is capable of love) and yet often doesn’t act that, is super important and indeed one many of us, me included, get caught in. It is so easy to confuse the behaviour with what the person truly is, when that is not true at all.
This is a very relevant article for all relationships, thank you Anne.
What a gorgeous and insightful blog. “Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” I am imagining it and seeing how amazingly freeing and supportive it is for everyone. I know when I am seen in this way, it becomes easier for me to abandon my own beliefs that hold me less than that, and I naturally feel impulsed to make choices that honour me and everyone else as that same amazing-ness.
Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from. So beautiful to imagine this…. makes my body glow!
This line particularly stood out for me too. As soon as I read it I too could feel how true it is to see people in this light.
This is an amazing blueprint for relationships and for dealing with the inevitable issues that crop up. So often we see behaviour patterns as much bigger or more important than the person in front of us and come from a place of reaction to the behaviour (which of course escalates the issue and the conflict) rather than fully connecting to and accepting the amazing essence of the person first. And how often do we not accept ourselves in this way but instead berate ourselves for mistakes we have made?
Very true Andrew, a trait I see in so many (myself included), we seem to have a natural on switch button when we do something not in accordance to what is needed or what has been ask of us to go into self blame and self attack, a very draining action. A relationship with oneself starts to allow us to change the way we are with others and so a key focus is to be deeply loving with oneself as much as humanly possible.
I agree Aminatumi, and Andrew, it all starts with us and our self loving then love naturally radiates to the world.
Yes Andrew, if we are not always coming from our glory first then we cannot accept ourselves and we berate ourselves for our so-called mistakes. But are not our ‘mistakes’ just another opportunity for learning and if we never make ‘mistakes’ we are not learning as much as is presented to us? That mistakes will occur as we develop in life is inevitable, it is how we view and deal with the mistakes that is the key. If we are always in our glory then mistakes are just a moment of grace that we learn from and move on from!
So true Anne, we so often get caught into our habitual reactions and identify with the ill behaviour that we forget all about the glory that lies within us all. To catch a glimpse of that in another and then truly hold fast to the knowingness of the glory is an amazing opportunity to break the old patterns. When we can take a step back and hold up a light and ask “What’s going on? How are you feeling?” instead of pitching in with both feet (a common occurrence in our household!) it can work miracles.
Thank you Rowena and Anne for this marvelous inspiration – you made my day :o)
I know from recent experience that if I make no effort in treating myself as a being that deserves love then I won’t pull up another who I see is also not being love. Thus we both remain stuck in the mud not being love. It starts with me because if I don’t say to myself ‘Come on, you’re more than this ill behaviour, etc’ how can I ever say to another ‘Hey, you’re love and what you’re doing is not supporting the amazing being that you are’.
A great discussion Leigh and something that I can really relate to; understanding energy and how to simply be yourself is a huge learning, we have all the time in the world -but why wait?
I love this comment ‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing-ness that we know we all come from’. When that happens it will truly be an amazing beautiful world to live in, where all relationships have an equal respect and love.
Absolutely Gill, it will indeed be ‘an amazing beautiful world to live in’ when we all see another first from the same amazing-ness that we know that we all come from. How soon we have this ‘amazing world’ is a choice we all have, equally so. . .
I have been caught in this trap of seeing my partner for the ill expressions and identifying them as him. The more I do this, the less of the lovely, tender, sweet man that he is I get to appreciate. Sharing this exercise has helped me to understand the effect this has on our relationship, and of course others in my life, and how I can begin to change that by accepting them, and not reacting to the behaviours and choices I don’t like, so thank you for sharing.
I have been reminded of some much needed truths reading this blog especially about how when we plop around in the mud, it is simply a distraction and that we can always get on and be the wondrous being that we innately are.
Thank you Anne, truly inspiring and I can relate to this in all my relationships, but the relationship with my partner and grown up children in our house is in my face 24/7. It is as you say when we start to identify the ‘other’ as the ill-expression, we have lost our loving inner connection; the inner connection with myself, and the ‘other’.
This is an inspiring read and one that is relevant to anyone, not just as a couple, as we are all in relationships all the time. It is a great reminder to “Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” Thank you Anne, for sharing with a playful honesty.
Thank you, Anne. I take with me what you have so beautifully written: the truth of relationship being an ever deepening and expanding journey within myself first and foremost….and to be open to sharing that with someone who is also willing to travel alongside, that “there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who, first and foremost, are willing to see that same love and glory in the other.” Beautiful.
Beautiful Peta – the truth of relationship being an ever deepening and expanding journey within myself first and foremost….and to be open to sharing that with someone who is also willing to travel alongside.
An inspirational article. There is no limit to love. Love is within us all to be felt and shared. The more it is shared the more it grows. Thank you Anne.
Great article Anne, such an honest expression, there for us all to learn from.
This has been perfect for me to read again this morning. I am finding a certain situation in my life very difficult and have been pondering on how to truly deal with it. As always the situation is really about people and my difficulty is not seeing something in me that doesn’t need to be there. Just to look at what gets in the way of my being able to be with another or consider another as being absolute love and truth in their essence and not react when their expression is far from that is huge. And as you say it starts with my growing more love in my body “there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices”. Thank you for this blog, I feel it very supportive and inspirational.
I love the way you make it very clear, Anne, that we can never assume we have done the work and that is all there is to it when we feel we have reached a “better” place in our relationship with our partner, but that it is an ever evolving process that grows wider, deeper and more loving continuously without end.
Thank you for this open and honest sharing, Ann, so beautifully expressed.
Thank you for sharing Anne, very inspiring to read, I love how you wrote: ‘As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other’.
Great piece to pick out and emphasise James. I feel that we are fed the idea that love is a fixed quantity, i.e. there is either love or not but I have come to realise from Serge Benhayon’s presentations that love is capable of being ever expanding without any limit to that expansion, only we can cap it at any level if we choose to.
I love how you have said that Doug, even something like Love we try to own and capture, we try to set it as an end goal – I must get to love, or I must make this loving instead of allowing the love to naturally deepen with no limit or cap.
Watching myself read this and the cycle with which I seem to do it is making me laugh…once a month I find myself re-reading this bog and saying “oh yeah…” Anne thank you, your blog is like a radiant lighthouse guiding me around the rocks…when will I learn the rocks are always there until I change course?
This is great to read Anne and completely makes sense to me, ‘this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.’ much to ponder on, thank you.
Thank you Anne, I have just re-read your blog and discovered yet more jewels!
I really like the bit about seeing the ‘inner beauty’ in one’s partner, that is so powerful!
Thank you, Anne. You finish off asking if it is possible to see people for their amazingness first and foremost.
It’s fascinating just watching society and how we treat each other.
If the way we treated the shop assistant because we wanted their help, is different to the way we treated the person walking on the escalators in front of us and we’re desperately trying to overtake them?
It seems we’re all too used to having a ‘need’ from people before we just appreciate them for who they are.
But as you say here – it starts with us. A simple change in how we see people can make a huge difference.
Lovely examples Hannah, which show that relationships are not just about those close to us and our friends, but in every exchange we have with another no matter how fleeting and transient.
Thanks Anne, you’ve shared so much here. I love how you said “Relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!”.
Thank you Anne for confirming that relationships evolve continuously and that it is our responsibility and our choice. My relationship with my husband has grown and deepened and our loving connection is getting stronger and stronger.
On re-reading this I find a new depth of inspiration. “that relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!” This is such a great reminder to keep being open and growing.
This is a gorgeous blog Anne and really inspiring in that there is no end to the depth and love in relationships; I can see an old belief in me where I think I get to a point and that is it … but it never is. Inspiring in how relationships can be with ourselves and each other and how important acceptance is. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this frank and inspirational blog. Relationships are whats it’s all about – Life. I appreciate what you wrote about considering the amazing quality of our partners and think about any behaviours we perceive as ‘ill-expression’ as small and not really part of them.
“In reality, our partner is still the loving being that we know them to be, but if in such situations we do not hold our loving inner connection….”
It was a great reminder and support to me reflecting on how I experience my relationships.
Thank you once more Anne, I can’t read this blog enough… Its so easy to become consumed by what is not love….
I love the timing of me reading this blog, it was so perfect 🙂 I also appreciate the inspiration this blog has given me. It is so clear, and so powerful, as was mentioned above, allowing a rising above any of the non-true expressions. It’s a blog that describes the ultimate way of being love first and then presenting that outwards into relationships. When this isn’t done that husband & wife relationship of 24/7 can seem so imposing, however when you take the time to come back to yourself and really feel how you want to express then it becomes a true realisation of love. Beautiful.
Thank you Anne, I really like the ‘Relationships are a never ending journey’ phrase.
It just puts everything into perspective.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Anne. I find it all too easy to focus on the negative, forgetting to see the amazing and gorgeous things people in my life bring. In making an effort to focus on the positive things about myself, I am changing the way I see others and life in general.
With support from Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and my Universal Medicine Practitioner – and commitment and more honesty on my part, I have worked on many issues in my life. This has changed all my relationships, simply because these issues were in the way of me being me, around other people. I can now be with someone and not react [as much] to their stuff. My relationship with my partner is much more loving and I feel I am receiving more, without ‘doing’ anything.
Amazing blog Anne, thank you for sharing!
An inspirational blog
Fab blog Anne, really really lovely. Thank you for the reminder to always respond to the love in people, even when they are not acting from it, because it’s always there, in us all.
Wow Anne. This is beautiful and deeply inspiring.
Thank you for a beautiful reminder that relationships are ever deepening and expanding. In relationships it can sometimes be all to easy to focus on the moments with your partner that didn’t come from love, but as you so beautifully expressed, it is amazing to be able to not see your partner and the un-loving incident as one and the same, but instead see them as the deeply beautiful person they are first. I agree that the world would be a far different place if all relationships where based on this.
This has been so lovely to read. The way you have so gracefully and tenderly explained it has brought more understanding for me on this topic. Thank you Anne.
Beautifully expressed Anne. I love how you say that making love ‘is how we are in every moment of the day.’
Anne I love your honesty in your blog I could so relate to how we can so easily allow an ill expression to consume us and we are no longer able to see the loving person behind the ill expression.
“As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other.” This is so true Anne beautifully expressed and as Amita says it begins to build a true and deeper foundation of love.
I love the harmonious flow of your expression Anne, just beautiful.
Thank you, Anne. It is so important to remember that the person is not the issue/the ‘non-loving’ expression. My wife Rowena and I have found this so useful. What we find is if either one of us is not coming from love then we are coming from a hurt, and if we manage not to react but ask what is going on for the other it is an opportunity for healing to take place. We experience a deepening of our love every time.
Johanthan I can relate to what you share, we are experiencing the same if we are not coming from love then we are coming from hurt. If one of us does go into reaction we are able to recognise it quickly and defuse it by bringing love back to the situation and talking about it.
Thank you Anne. The depth and truth of your sharing is both hugely supportive and inspirational.
We are also experiencing the same. The more we deepen our love the more that which is not us comes up, a blessing to let go and heal. Creating a deeper foundation of love. The relationship just becomes magical every day, as foundation gets deeper.
Thank you Anne for expressing something all should hear. Sex is seen as a climax rather than another loving intimate expression with your partner. I love how you wrote: ‘there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people’ – It is so true – we only need to allow ourselves to open up to the possibility of it and it deepens naturally as opposed to trying to hang onto what we have, as it is familiar and comfortable. I have found that personally the more the love between myself and my partner deepens, the more it brings up what is not loving, for us to look at, deal with and let go of – to hold onto ill patterns and issues stop the love expanding. I had the ideal a truly loving relationship would not bring anything up but now realise that that would not be loving, rather a relationship where we both do not ask each other to be more of the love we innately are.
Beautiful James.
What a beauty-full piece of writing, Anne. I could feel your whole experience word by word. And how important is it to see others for who they truly are and know that the inner-beauty is always there, even when it is not expressed…
And that it, the amazing beauty, is always in ourselves too!
So beautifully put Anne. When I read it, I could feel how to connect to my husband’s amazingness – and to always feel it, I have to first connect to my amazingness all the time, knowing it is always there. It doesn’t disappear if I’m not quite myself. My glory is always with me, it’s just that sometimes I don’t choose to see it, but it is always just sitting there patiently waiting for me to return.
Awesome Anne, as always…
Thank you Anne – beautifully and clearly expressed. I have too often fallen for seeing my partner as the ill expression and in doing so I forget the glorious love that he truly is, and yes, I have been there wallowing in issues which can seem huge and all consuming. With inspiration form Serge Benhayon and Sara Williams, my partner and I are learning to hold our loving inner connection so that when one of us expresses that which is not love, we can see past this to the absolute glory that we know in truth we are. And yes I can imagine a world where we all see the other first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from. Could this not be the simple but profound answer to all our conflicts that we have with others?
What we seemed to have lost with ourselves and thus each other is the fact that we are all amazing beings of love. Thank you Anne for getting us to stop and remember to see this in ourselves and each other first and thus not get caught up in so called ‘issues’ without first knowing how glorious and loving we are.
Beautiful Anne, thank you.
This is gold Anne… to be able to rise above issues and see the lovely essence in others, takes a very special person to do so. And is that not each one of us?
Thanks Rod, I love how confirming your words are in that it each one of us is that special person who can see the lovely essence in others. The amazing changes I’ve seen in students of Universal Medicine blows me away every day.
Thank you Anne, for your inspiring blog – it is so so good to be reminded not to identify another person with an ill-behaviour – as much as we do know that, it is sometimes not easy to dis-associate someone from their past ‘behaviour’ towards oneself. But, as we keep our heart closed to someone because of that behaviour, we are keeping our hearts closed off from divinity itself. Beautiful, Anne!
What an insightful comment ‘ as we keep our heart closed to someone…..,we are keeping our (own) hearts closed off from divinity itself’. That is huge.
Thank you so much Anne, for this is a perfect and poignant reminder that there is a deep love to connect to in all people. How often do we/have I confused the not so lovely expression with the person, and as you have so simply stated “this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same”? This is a beautiful reminder that as humans, we are far from perfect and susceptible to getting it wrong, but inside us there is something beautiful and glorious to connect to. Thank God for the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that have restored to us the ability and the will to make that connection, and to make ‘making love’ our natural way.
Thank you Anne for this understanding and your, as ever, beautiful eloquence to so clearly express what you have. This is awesome.
Anne, I just love this beautiful blog. I loved the humour around the section where Greg is asking you if you accept him as your husband and I particularly loved “Once I had brought myself back to ‘me’ and truly felt the question in my body, I suddenly had amazing clarity about my husband. I re-connected to what I had described in my previous blog as, “…some inner-beauty deep within the other person that I could occasionally feel, even though they did not always allow that to be expressed””.
A great reminder that there is always another level that we can go to if we allow ourselves to.