by Anne McRitchie, Chilcotts Grass, NSW
After many years of living together, with a love based entirely on mutual needs, my husband Greg and I found Serge Benhayon, attended our first Heart Chakra workshop and gradually embraced a way of living as presented by Universal Medicine. We reached a point where late last year I could truthfully write:
“Now, ‘making love’ is a confirmation of the way we have been together during the day. But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do. It is how we smile at each other, touch each other in passing, prepare a meal together or feel the other when they are not there. Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’. It is a feeling that is forever with you, and the physical act is a glorious and joy-full confirmation of our loving connection.”
At the time of writing the above I felt that we had somehow arrived at a place where our relationship was near perfect, despite the occasional little hiccup.
However this feeling was quite short lived once I connected to a new possibility: that relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!
This possibility was confirmed to me at the Esoteric Healing Workshop Level 4 in the UK earlier this year. Having participated in it, I can now joyfully share that:
As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other.
Those of us who were there with our partners worked together for an exercise based on ‘acceptance’. While doing the exercise, the person taking the ‘practitioner’ role placed their hands on their partner so as to feel a specific acceptance chakra (energy centre in the body) while asking “Do you accept me (name) as your husband / wife?”. So, when Greg was taking the practitioner role, he asked me “Do you accept me, Greg, as your husband?”.
We learned afterwards that many married couples immediately went into their entrenched patterns and some had to call a supervising practitioner to help moderate.
Greg and I did not entirely escape this! I felt that Greg had muddled up the question and was asking it in a confusing way and I told him so – as is my lingering pattern! We also called a supervisor over but they seemed to have yet another version of the question! However, we just moved through this distraction to give our attention to the question on offer and what it might reveal.
Once I had brought myself back to ‘me’ and truly felt the question in my body, I suddenly had amazing clarity about my husband. I re-connected to what I had described in my previous blog as, “…some inner-beauty deep within the other person that I could occasionally feel, even though they did not always allow that to be expressed”.
Before this workshop, this sense of inner-beauty I felt in my husband had been elusive, present only as a sense of there being ‘something more’. After the session it was now no longer elusive, but a certainty deep within my being: my husband was an amazing, loving and glorious being.
At the same time, I was also aware that this was not what I lived with twenty-four/seven! I lived with the outward expression, that is, my husband’s behaviours and choices which were not always honouring of this loving inner-being and instead on occasion came from emotions based on ideals and beliefs which had no foundation in truth. However, even this awareness could not dull or shake the glory I now saw in him.
A few days earlier, after a conversation with Serge Benhayon, I could feel as a truth in my own body that when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.
What the ‘acceptance’ exercise made me aware of was that the same principle applies when we are with our partners. If on occasions our partner’s expression, or way of being at a particular moment, is from other-than-love, if we focus on the ill-expression it can seem like a major stumbling block to a loving relationship and this can often lead us to see our partner and the ill-expression as one and the same.
In reality, our partner is still the loving being that we know them to be, but if in such situations we do not hold our loving inner connection, we can tend to identify our partner as the ill-expression.
Of course, as is so obvious, this holds true not just with our partners but with family, friends, acquaintances and indeed anyone and everyone we meet or interact with in any way, however fleeting. Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.
In such a world there would be no foundation for petty arguments, crime, abuse, war, or conflict of any kind to exist.
It starts with each one of us, and for my part, it started with the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine!
‘Sex’ Versus ‘Love’ – An Older Woman’s Perspective
620 thoughts on “Relationships – A Never Ending Journey”
Anne thank you for pointing out the entrenched patterns couples often carry. This has highlighted how I have a tendency to focus on that and not the other, “the same love and glory in the other”.
And I also loved, “when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line”. This to me is saying focusing on the negatives means the emphasis remains on the negatives, there is no headway to the glory that exists in everyone. Often purposefully done to keep our separation from each other.
There is much more to relationships than just being together. It is an unfolding partnership of so called highs and lows. Each opportunity is an offering to develop to a deeper intimate flow, so important in any relationship.
Re-reading your blog, Anne, I was once again deeply appreciating these words of wisdom: “As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other.”
I welcome this day, and this world, ‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.
In such a world there would be no foundation for petty arguments, crime, abuse, war, or conflict of any kind to exist.’
Totally agree, no pettiness, just one unifying flow of people in oneness. The harmony, love and stillness would be absolutely glorifying. We’re home then…
This is true, and very beautiful to experience, ‘As there is no end to the love and glory we can re-connect to in our own bodies once we start to make loving choices, so too there is no end to the depth of love that can unfold between two people who are willing to see, first and foremost, that same love and glory in the other.’
Thank you my darling wife, as we deepen our relationship life become so full of purpose in all we do and the love we share is the foundation or platform that spring-boards us into the most enriching life. Life enrichment flows to us when we are willing to discard our old ways and live from our Soul-Full-Essences. So as we appreciate the life we have together and the true enrichment we share it is with a Deep-Humble-Appreciative-Ness that I count my blessing every day as I go to bed and then awaken and step into an expansive new day connected to my Soul-full-essence!
“When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line” – yes, absolutely, and that that thin red line is not even ours to claim.
This simple exercise should be done all around the world. It would reveal so much as it did for you in how we ‘see’ others instead of allowing ourselves to feel what is truly there. Also as shared in other comments if we do not first love and accept ourselves how on earth can we love and accept another.
Reading this today I am very confirmed in the love that I feel. I had been using judgement to ascertain the value of a certain relationship, and I had been making lots of things right or wrong and got in a complete muddle. I had a chakra puncture session today and a body wrap and have released a lot of toxins, including toxic thoughts and now with your blog I feel very clear and can let go of these meanderings of the mind and stand in my own knowing.
Interesting that I read this blog when I have just gone into reaction. Always a great learning, and another opportunity to be more loving in my expression.
Love this Anne – a call for us to see everyone we know or meet with as the essence of who they are first, before we go into any judgement about their actions or behaviours. That essence is beautiful, always, no question.
Living love in our relationship is a continuous journey of deepening, healing and being pulled up to live a grander expression or movement of love. There is no on-off switch and the more we surrender and commit to the responsibility of living the love we are we, being ourselves, we find that every day is like a new beginning offering the incredible opportunity of living the glory of who we are – love. In all honesty there is never a dull or mundane moment when love is our foundation but rather an abundance of honor, joy, inspiration, confirmation, enrichment and evolution and so much more.
I learn so much from the relationships I have with others, to observe others without judgment and to appreciate the unique qualities we all bring is a recipe for developing true relationships.
Others always reflect so much for us to learn, and appreciating, rather than judging them feels amazing.
Having sex brings an image of an activity that has a beginning and an end, a peak, after which there is a withdraw…. until next round.
The idea of making love extend a way of being with each other in and out the bed. There is no peak here and therefore no withdraw. It is ongoing.
It’s really dangerous when we tie someone to their expressions, because we all mess up and get angry or frustrated or behave in an ugly way. If you’re an angry person, that’s not you, that’s just something you need to deal with. Being able to see a person and their ill-behaviours or expressions as separate allows us the understanding that our actions can never purely define us and are only ever an outplay of what is going on inside us at the time. It also leaves us free to really assess and understand the situation and see the bigger picture at play, rather than just focusing on the ill-behaviour.
Doesn’t this bring a whole new perspective on life? Living with somebody and even without expressing it verbally, cherishing them for just the essence that they are is an immense opportunity to deepen the love and intimacy in any relationship.
Knowing that there is forever more, forever an expanding, keeps us open to the more and not either stuck or resting on our laurels.
The constancy of love between two people is by far the sexiest thing I can think of.
Beautiful comment, thank you heather.
“relationships are not about getting to a ‘place’, however loving and joy-full that place may be, but are a never-ending journey, and we choose where and how we travel!” What a wonderful description of a relationship Anne offering us much to contemplate especially when we compare it to the accepted normal belief. I particularly love the fact that there is no end point because there is always the potential for the relationship to expand and what comes next is up to us.
If there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’ in contrast to ‘having sex’ there is such space for curiousity and playfulness to enrich our lives and relationships.
Life and relationships are a never ending journey. We are the only ones that choose to cap ourselves in our own growth, as no one can really do this for us! We can of course give our power away to another in this but in the end it is still our choice. So what are we going to make out of our lives and our relationships? This is the Question we can all ask ourselves.
“But in truth, it is how we are in every moment of the day, not what we do.” – Making love is far more than meets the eye…it is in the way we blink, in the way we take out the garbage, the way we get ready for the day, the way we interact with everyone we encounter. Not a moment gets ignored by the Universe as every moment is an opportunity to make love.
Interesting that most couples went into a spin with the exercise to feel if they accept their partner or not. It kind of shows that many partner relationships struggle to treat each other with the love we would hope for in a loving relationship. Instead we tend to get caught up in issues and dramas with the ones we love! I think this is a great exercise to do, to feel the truth of who your partner is, so you are constantly surprised and delighted by what you see and feel.
“I think this is a great exercise to do, to feel the truth of who your partner is, so you are constantly surprised and delighted by what you see and feel.” This is a beautiful way to be in any relationship, to allow ourselves to feel and see the truth of everyone which will be a great antidote to the critical and judgemental ways with each other.
Yes and what an amazing way to minimize the dramas and issues and go straight to what matters. And this is what we all want!
Thank you Anne, it is so lovely to be the reader of this blog and feel what is shared that is so different and potentially new to me (even deep down known), a way of being with you and your relationships, reflecting to me and everyone else that there is a different way of being with you and each other.
‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from’. The more I do this not only with others but also with myself the simpler and more loving all my relationships and interactions are. It is no longer just about me and what I can get out of it but rather about being the amazing-ness we are.
If I see ugliness in anothers’ behaviour and start to see them as ugly too then I know I have lost my connection to me.
I know wat you mean, it is easy to forget that it is purely energy coming through that person and not them so to hold another as any less than the love that they are is essentially judging and condemning them which love would never do.
It is beautiful to feel the quality of love between you and your husband Anne, when we let go of old hurts we can embrace and deepen the love with each other, and this love then continues to expand and flow onto everyone in our lives.
What I can feel from this beautiful sharing is our responsibility in relationship – how we stay with love in the face of lovelessness in another’s expression, to reflect and remind them of their truth, no matter what. That is a commitment.
We always have that option – so what are we going to choose?
“Unlike sex there is no beginning or end to making love”. This is gorgeous to read as it confirms that it is all about being loving consistently. So much pressure and focus has been placed on sex to fix everything or be a marker of how healthy a relationship is. However, it is the little things throughout the day that count. I feel we all know this but what we have been sold as the norm in relationships is a cheap replica of what the genuine product can be.
Anne what you describe here is so true, if my partner has been less than loving in his expression, in the past I have reacted in a very unloving way and what I am learning now is the meaning of the instruction ‘Be Love’ as being loving in all my responses, preferably not reacting but exploring the underlying hurt that his expression has touched upon. In truth he is a very loving and tender man and it is good for me to remember that and to understand that any non-loving expression is not who he is.
Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.” This would be the most glorious world to live in, a world free of judgement but brimming with understanding of what has brought the person in front of you to the place that they find themselves in today. And with that understanding and acceptance of the glorious being that they innately are, any healing that is needed has the space to begin.
The end point image is a killer independently of where do we apply it.
All too often we focus too much on another’s faults, and not their unique qualities …nor their innate amazingness.
The title and the blog brings back the responsibility that all our relationships come with and the power of our authority to stand in the knowing of what our relationship is truly about and act on it from its origin. What a wonderful come back to the truth of relationships, from day one presented by Serge Benhayon through his many many teachings and therapies.
Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming. Yes this is what I am in – and I can’t seem to move on….and needing support.
When we choose to appreciate the love that we are we are able to feel and appreciate an equal love in another.
Thank you for sharing your experience Anne. What you have shared is a real eye opener. So often I’ve only seen the issues of another or reacted to things I have not liked rather than opening my heart and feeling the whole truth. You remind me that although we all have things we need to work on in essence we are truly superb in every way.
We can have this,”Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know.” it will just needed to be lived strongly. If we break this down simply you are what you live. In more words how ever you live will be there in reflection in relationships around you, so live in a fast, no time, rushed way and your relationship may reflect chaos etc. Live steady, loving and complete and your relationships will reflect this and you will celebrate the difference in how the world is and will be. We have far far more say in all of this then we care to highlight as in this highlight we would need to deal with why we haven’t chosen all we truly are in the past.
Beautiful Anne, thank you for sharing so openly your relationship here.
It is gorgeous to read that it is never too late to deepen a relationship and there is always more to get to know and love with your partner (and everyone). I would say most marriages, even the ones that look good are more about an arrangement than pure love. That’s quite ironic in the west where we judge arranged marriages!
“When we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line” – This is such an important awareness and one that, if lived, would change relationships forever.
It can be so easy when we get caught up in things to makes mountains out of mole hills, and then get overwhelmed by them. But when we take a step back from that and re-claim the glory that we are then we see they are mere stumbling blocks we have created to not be all the love that we are and so see them for what they are and they no longer affect us.
These are such wise words Anne. It is in fact the seed of our woes in relationships that we place in front of the beauty and love that innately is in the other , the ‘little’ things, the icky things, that we make bigger than they actually are. Behind that pattern is our own age-old hurt, that the world isn’t as it ought to be and that we want it to be different. As we heal this we heal every relationship we have, we bring space and love instead of a demand to be something ‘for me so that I no longer feel the pain’. Every relationship we have represents our relationship with humanity itself – and with ourselves.
You are a total inspiration Anne. It is so true that we are not our behaviours nor our emotions but far far more, for at the core of each and every one of us resides the great love we are. And as you have shared, through developing a loving relationship with ourselves and our bodies, we come to realise that this love is the foundation from which we can truly evolve, grow and deepen. As such any relationship that is founded on love offers the potential for us to deepen who we are, our connection and be more of the love we are, to which there is no end. If we are open to love, every day is a new and fresh day, for as we continue to grow, we bring a greater love to the lives we live.
Great blog and indeed what we learn with one other we can bring to all. I absolutely love and adore my super gorgeous husband and now feel that way to so many other people including myself and those I work with ~ it just keeps expanding. Of course Christoph is the only one I sleep with but the love and appreciation is there for all.
Love continues to deepen and expand. These days it chews me up inside when I stay static in my expression of how I feel and the love that wants to come out.
Thank you Anne, this was very supportive to read again today. It’s such an important topic to look at partner relationships and understand the difference between the beautiful being we know they are, and their behaviours born from unloving choices. As I see this in another, it’s also an opportunity to understand myself and my own choices as well.
Feeling love in the body is not an end point, but an ever developing relationship within and from that with others.
Very true Heather it can be so easy to feel love and then settle for it rather than seeing it for the ever deepening and expanding relationship that it is. The moment we settle I find the tension rises because we are not continuing to deepen with the love that is on offer.
Anne – it is so true that a relationship cannot be about getting somewhere. It is truly about asking whats next and committing to an ever-deepening way of being in relationships.
To search for a loving relationship can be like the search for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, only to find that the pot is a never ending well of gold that just keeps of getting deeper as you allow more and more of it to permeate throughout your life, in every situation with every person – love is absolute.
I am so grateful for what I have learnt at Universal Medicine workshops.
We have so much to share with one and other, when I think of all the friendships I have made and the deepening of my own relationship I feel super super blessed.
See the Glory first and live from that, and the rest will fade away.
The absolute honouring of another in any relationship allows a relationship to evolve to a deeper level, constantly finding a deeper level of love than before.
An incredible blog Anne. Often we don’t truly appreciate people until they are gone. It is a huge tragedy that many don’t let themselves feel their own beauty let alone not allowing themselves to truly connect to the gorgeousness of another.
Relationships have so much to offer – a depth of beauty that is so solid. Thank you for your sharing Anne, and for showing how we can miss out on the essence of someone if we make it all about the doing.
And we make it all about the things they are supposedly ‘not’…. if our focus is on the beauty we have with that other person, on the love that we have together then this holds stronger than the stuff that isn’t true. We see it for what it is and don’t give it unnecessary air-time. We appreciate the essence of the relationship itself, and this is what grows.
I too during an Sacred Esoteric Healing L4 course felt the essence of me and another. I fell ‘in love’ with my partner. An amazing experience I will never forget but I will continue to claim that feeling in me so it becomes me all-the-time.
Claiming our love and glory as who we are is an important process, and this helps other ‘problems’ or issues pale into insignificance, ‘when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things.’ Absolutely.
This would be awesome, a great start to building brotherhood, ‘Imagine a world where we all saw another first from the same amazing–ness that we know we all come from.’
This is beautiful Anne, thank you for sharing. We can get stuck on behaviours, either own own, or another’s. But that is just the outer shell. When we connect to what lies inside, it is much easier to see the behaviours for what they are.
“Unlike sex, there is no beginning or end to making love”. This made me smile Anne, as it feel like a beautiful way to be in connection with your partner. It also takes all the pressure off that one moment, as every moment before and after physically making love is just as important. This constant commitment feels like how true love and respect can grow.
‘Unlike ‘having sex’, there is no beginning or end to ‘making love’.’ This statement, and your description Anne, completely changes the way we think about sex. Actually, it throws sex out the window and replaces it with something far more beautiful and enduring – and ‘every day’. Yes, the potential is that we can make love 24/7, and if there is a culmination of that love that results in the physical expression we call ‘sex’, well, that’s just the icing on the cake. But it’s not ‘the cake’!
Yes we are a long way away from always seeing others in their essence, that part of them that is who they truly are. We instead look at all the behaviours that are not them. This creates a lot of tension and complication, so it is key to first see and feel ourselves in that essence, the love that we are, then we can see that in another.
When I am able to see the preciousness and beauty in my husband I now know its because I have first been willing to see it in me.
Re reading this blog today, what stood out for me is that ‘when we claim our glory and we live from that, we can look back at our issues and they seem like a thin red line – insignificant in the big scheme of things. Yet when we are in our issues, often wallowing there, our issues seem gigantic and on occasions, all consuming.’ So very true and something I have experienced a lot recently.
I love the thought that relationships are a never-ending journey, we have so much to learn and discover together, gosh they’d be so dull if there was ever an end point.
So why do we often feel like relationships have gone as far as they can?
When we develop a relationship with our bodies we begin to understand that be intimate with another is to move and hold ourselves in a way that creates transparency for another to see all of who we are.