196 thoughts on “Overcoming my Horse Addiction”

1. We can never control addiction we can only move in a way that doesn’t allow the addiction to own our movements.

2. ‘Like a lot of addictions, we are often not aware that the addiction exists’. As so goes the path of illusion we have all fallen for. A path that conveniently blinds us from truth and seeing the grandness of who we are.

3. All addictions have something in common, they all serve the same purpose of filling out the void within ourselves from not living the truth of who we truly are.

4. It is very easy for pets to become a source of our love, they are infinitely understanding and don’t argue with us! But the love we seek is far grander, and we are capable of much more.

5. Knowing you now, post-horse addiction, I would say that you are totally clear of it. Reading this blog, I had no idea this was how you previously lived. This is a great example of how we can clear fully addictions. They are not simply behaviours we need to get under control, we can actually be totally free of them with no residue remaining.

   1. Thanks Nikki, it is true, there is nothing horsey about me anymore yet I used to eat, sleep and drink horse.. well not quite, but you know what I mean.. I even smelt like one! hahaha…

      1. On a more serious note though, I have realised that I have had a few addictions in my time….. and looking back, it is more like it was in another lifetime because they have nothing on me now… I don’t long for them, miss them or even relate to them anymore.

6. I grew up on a farm where we used horses for farm work and the relationship with the horse is a loving working relationship and we also did pony tracking on the beach. I learned that horses enjoy working as a horse ,ploughing , pulling carts,etc Horses do not like to be ridden it un-nerves them and humiliates them. These spirited animals are not designed to carry humans on their back, I expect the same to be true of elephants .

   1. Thats an interesting way to look at it John, and I was thinking that when working, they had a purpose and yet being ridden there really is no purpose other than entertainment maybe. I totally see from an anatomical point of view how they are not meant to be ridden and it seems cruel to push them to do this, and yes, no wonder they are so nervy. I would be too if you put a bit in my mouth and sat bouncing around on my lower back.

7. ‘In letting go of the horses and choosing me, I have given myself permission to love me more than them, which used to be the other way round.’ Beautiful how you have now put yourself first, giving yourself permission to love yourself for just being you.

8. It is great to hear how you are bringing all that love to yourself now Rosie, and I’m sure there is more since you have written this blog, instead of seeking it outside of yourself.

   1. I wrote this blog so long ago, and yes there is always more ways of loving myself and others. Always more to unfold.

9. It’s interesting to note if we are addicted to something it is most likely it will be harmful in relation to where we actually should be i.e. we maybe addicted to the same routine of eating vegetables each week that are considered to be healthy but it may not support our body at that point. So an addiction is just a comfortable point or way of being to not move on.

10. Horses were a big part of my life, but it wasn’t just the horses it was the nostalgia, the connection to an old way of living, a farmilartity that I felt and wanted to relive, which I did for years. Whilst horses and the life style I lived held aspects that I loved, I also felt an emptiness that nothing could seem to fill. Until I realised I felt empty because I missed myself.

    1. It is very freeing when we realise it is not the horse, the sport, the man or this or that but ourselves that we really miss as then we don’t actually need anyone to fill our cup, for it is ours alone to fill.

11. What a great sharing Rosie, and revealing how we can be addicted to so many different things when there is a need in us. Over the years I have seen one addiction stop only to be replaced with another, and so on, and it is only by looking at the underlying need and healing that that I have been able to start truly letting the addictions go.

12. Thank you for sharing your experience Rosie. I too was obsessed with horses and thought they were the only thing in the world I could vent too. And only recently I realised how allergic I was to horses. I would have sores all over my legs and face through all the years I was riding and yet I never wanted to associate it with horses. As soon as I stopped and let go of horses, my skin totally cleared up.

    1. It is amazing what we turn a blind eye to or what we allow when we don’t want to feel or see the bigger picture!

13. This is a great sharing to broaden our understanding of all the addictive ways we have adopted. As you state in the end addictions are making us feel good, however only temporarily in a form of relief because we need to keep doing them as they do not allow for building a loving foundation with ourselves. So turning towards ourselves and learning to take deep care of ourselves and deal with the hurts and sadness we hold will let us see the addictions we hold.

14. It’s just come to me that one of my addictions used to be reading. An erudite and noble pastime many might think, but I know I used to read to escape and not feel how miserable I was. Now that I have a life I enjoy, I no longer want to escape so the reasons I choose to read are now very different.

15. I am not that knowledgeable about horses but I do know they are very large and take a lot of money and work to look after. I can imagine the vets bills for them can run very high. Thank you for being so honest about your horse addiction and how you came to unpick what was really going on for you. I can see how there are many addictions that probably go unnoticed because they come under the category of a hobby or a passion. I am thinking of food, dining out, drinking or exercise to name a few.

16. Many of us would claim our love of something and from your sharing, Rosie, I can feel how unhealthy it is for anyone to go far to say and mean ‘can’t live without it’ – which we actually hear quite often. You have also clearly exposed the misuse of the word ‘love’ in this sense. We are enough already and it is not true that we cannot live without something because we ‘love’ it so much.

17. People are used to talking about alcohol, drugs, gambling or work as addictions, but the fact is there are many things that can seem benign that affect us the same way. In fact you could say these are worse as they tend to fly under the radar. Today reading your words Rosie, what I am seeing in my life is that I have been seriously addicted to issues and drama. Like riding a horse who keeps throwing me down to the ground, leaving me wounded and sore – I moan but repetitively keep coming back for more. We are our own worst enemies this way. We are horrified by the threat of terrorists in our world today but sometimes it feels to me that it is us who causes ourselves the greatest harm.

    1. Yes Joseph, we are the ones who cause ourselves the most harm, and looking outside of ourselves at the terrorists for example is just a distraction. Yes we have to be aware of what is going on in the world, but we also need to be aware of what we are doing to ourselves on a daily basis and stop to question it rather than be stuck in the never ending merry go round and then think that it is someone else’s fault, or just is, or c’est la vie!

18. I very much appreciate the honesty here in your sharing about your relationship with horses Rosie. It’s worth us all looking at any areas of our lives where we may (1) be driven, a bit obsessive even… and (2) constantly over-ride the loud-speaker signals our bodies are giving us. To have continually lived with your allergy and yet persisted really says a lot…
    How readily we will neglect our health and well-being, in pursuit of something that gives us everything we are desiring, but perhaps not the actual love we’ve been looking for…

19. Addictions come in all shapes and sizes, what you are really saying here Rosie is that it doesn’t matter what the addiction, it is in choosing ourselves that is the key ingredient here.

    1. Yes! and the more I unravel one addiction, I seem to find another more hidden one.

20. Its interesting to ponder on the things that we supposedly love doing that impact on our health or even puts our health or lives as risk. It’s not so much about the activity itself, for it could be anything, but the fact that we choose it initially anyway and it’s more often than not about needing something outside of ourselves to make us feel apart of something.

21. There are many addictions, it is only that we have labeled some of them as addiction and see them as unhealthy while others we don’t call addiction but things that do us good. But as you show here, an addiction is an addiction and is simply a means for us cope with (or rather avoid life). You give a very practical example of how to allow for an honest look at where we are at with everything we do in life which then enables us to make different choices.

22. Recognising our addictions and or patterns of behaviour that do not serve our bodies natural flow, marks a major turning point in uncovering the truth of what really makes us tick. Love and deep care is the answer and one that is a series of building blocks that we deepen and appreciate over time and what you have shared here Rosie is so deeply inspiring. Thank you.

    1. Cracking those patterns of behaviour and letting go of what we are used to can be challenging yet so freeing at the same time.

23. When it comes to horses, just say ‘neigh’.

    1. ha ha, very funny!

24. I wanted a horse when I was young. I lived on a farm and persistently day in day out asked for one but I never got one. On reflection I can feel how I wanted a horse to escape life, to be in nature and on my own.

25. I love how you realised that horses gave you an excuse to get up early and to be out in nature. Two things that we really don’t need horses for and can appreciate and make a part of our lives without excuse or justification.

    1. Best part of the day and yes no excuse or justification needed.

26. It is incredible how much we are willing to harm our bodies to have something that comforts us and gives us recognition – a place in life to fit into.

    1. It is quite shocking all the different things and behaviours we will go into to fit in!

27. Thank you Samantha, its is great to celebrate letting go of addictions and becoming aware of all the small other ones we have picked up along the way.

28. “Like a lot of addictions, we are often not aware that the addiction exists.” Absolutely spot on Rosie. There is no shortage of examples but food and beverages are a good starting point.

    1. Good point, food really is an addiction as why else do we over eat, and stuff ourselves to the point of being bloated and physically uncomfortable. I often do this, eat and eat and eat and then wonder why I did it again. Similar to drinking alcohol, feeling terrible the morning after and yet doing it again and again. Now I have managed to give up the alcohol and many others, but food… now that is another story and I have thought to myself lately, do I seriously want to keep doing this to myself until I get a digestive disorder as a STOP or should I just make some changes now.

29. Ahhhh Aimee, you just made me realise how I just may have a little addiction to complication. It is as if as soon as things in my life are going smoothly, I seem to find something else that makes things complicated. Will have to ponder on this!

30. I have observed women with horses and it is a very very tough job to tend to them as they are such big and heavy animals. The way horse riders relate to each other, their language and their bodies are very hard, it is like many sports not at all nurturing a woman in her femininity and fragility and therefor interesting that so many young girls are hooked into this, which says a lot about our society and the way we treat and support young girls.

    1. I like that too Rosie. I have been horse riding in the past as well and enjoyed doing the tough jobs and that I had to go out in the rain to do the work, or at least I thought I was enjoying that at the time! It makes me only now realised how it was never a loving thing to do but that it gave me a place to fit into society: being a horse lover.

    2. I can also now remember that I would get recognition from doing the tough or dirty jobs. I thought I was strong and championed the fact that I was not a “barbie doll” and could do anything…. all at the cost of my body!!!

31. Thanks for sharing the depth of your horse addiction with such truth , honesty and love .Its interesting to read as so many young girls go horse mad and bury themselves in horses , and fall in love with horses and to hear how and why it played out for you makes so much sense .A great lesson in human psychology .

32. As you mention we often are unaware that we are addicted to something, because it seems ‘normal’ to us – and to society. “In letting go of the horses and choosing me, I have given myself permission to love me more than them, which used to be the other way round.” Beautiful.

33. It’s incredible what we will put up with in order to satisfy an addiction. I love this realisation Rosie,”I have found that the thing that I loved about the horses was that it allowed me to be in a rhythm that was close to nature. I would get up early for the horses, and I loved to be outside and I still do, and now I can do that without having to harm my body or treat it in a way that no longer feels okay to me.” This shows me that when we choose to look after our selves first and live in a way that honours our natural rhythms and cycles, all addictions drop away as there is no longer any need to be fulfilled which is the very reason for the addiction in the first place.

34. You could say that life as we know it is based on addictions. We often simply replace a more harmful addiction with a lesser harmful one and keep this ‘bettering’ going until we understand that there is indeed another way. A way that allows us to move in the space between the addictive nature of this life. A way to move in love.

35. Addictions and ways of numbing ourselves come in many guises. Serge Benhayon presents and lives a way of living that respects and honours the joy of who we truly are.

36. Thank you Rosie for this honest blog. Your words help me to understand more about a horse addiction as a friend of me loves horses and is a owner of two horses. I am quite sure she would disclaim that she is addicted but I will give it a go and I will recommend your amazing blog.

    1. It took me a long time to get to this, and each and everyone of us have our different reasons for our different addictions. If you had asked me a few years prior I would have thought you were crazy!

37. It’s always great to return to this blog and reconfirm I have completely healed my horse addiction – I can’t imagine ever going back to a life where the whole of myself and my life revolves around horses and their care, rather than the amazing people in my life, including myself!

    1. Yes, me too and I don’t miss it at all.. in fact, I can’t believe it was this life that I was so obsessed and addicted to these beautiful 4 legged creatures!…

38. Wow Rosie, you really worked hard and dedicated against yourself, through horses. Filling a big void inside of you. This would have been a huge realization, to acknowledge and let go of. Give to yourself the love and connection that the horses never could. Congratulations on your transformation. The level of honesty and of self love and care to facilitate a truthful way of life with yourself and with others, especially your daughter, is inspiring. Thank you.

39. Thanks Rosie for unraveling so clearly how we can get caught up in an addiction without being aware of it. There are so many things in life we seemingly like to do and put our bodies through because we think they are good for us as they let us forget for a while the things we do not feel to deal with and give us relief from the stresses of our life. But this is only a form of medication we choose that does not truly heal us but keeps us dependent/addicted to this life style.

40. I love the honesty with which you share this Rosie – just saying it like it was / is but without judgement or beating yourself up. There’s a lot to be said for being honest about where we’re at and our choices, and having the grace and humility to see these as a platform from which to be able to make a different choice, and to inspire others to do the same.

    1. Thanks Angela, what I have found is that we don’t actually go anywhere by beating ourselves up and in fact it is a way of holding ourselves back and in the situation rather than letting go and moving on.
       I have no shame, I am just learning and love sharing so that others can be inspired.

41. Hi Rosie, what struck me as I was reading your blog was how we all have worked out a strategy when we were children which became an ‘addiction’ over time. Often these addictions are in the form of things which, on the surface, seem perfectly respectable and in fact are admired – which ironically is exactly why they became an ‘addiction’ in the first place!!! It takes a lot of honesty to admit to ourselves that the thing/s we have come to treasure about ourselves is in fact deeply abusive but once we can start to make small steps, the momentum builds and the changes keep happening.

42. Fascinating to read how many huge signals you were getting but that you were overriding (pardon the pun). It evidences just how much you wanted the recognition, the being needed, the feeling of being strong and tough and how much that drove your self-disregard. We can all do this when the perceived reward is held as so vital to us. The fact that your pattern with your abusive but pretty horse was also playing out in your relationships is a reminder that we are presented with the same lesson in different guises until the penny drops and we begin to choose differently.

    1. It is interesting isn’t it Cathy, how our lessons keep coming back to us in different guises again and again until we get it.

43. This is beautiful to read, and feel the loving choices you made. It is incredible to see how we sometimes choose abuse and a false sense of love over the true love we feel inside. Even when our bodies are giving clear signs, it is amazing to be aware and make choices from this awareness.

44. I can relate to the horse thing Rosie, I dabbled with it myself and was thrown off, bitten and kicked but always got back up dusted off and got back on to save face and prove I wasn’t scared. Eventually I put my back out which wasn’t helpful being self employed and so I decided to stop. It is so great how plainly you can see now how unloving to self it is and I bet you don’t miss having to take the antihistamines and all thats involved with the allergy.

    1. You are right kevmchardy, I don’t miss it one single bit! It is hard to imagine, because I never thought I would be able to live without horses and now I would never want to live with them. It just shows how strong ideals and beliefs that we hold onto for dear life, can be changed and there is no regret or longing from my part. Hoooorrray!

45. Thank you for your honesty Rosie in nominating your horse addiction which I can really relate to. When my last pony was sold it was suggested he would be more suitable for a boy because he was so headstrong and I put myself in lots of scary situations telling myself that it was boring to ride horses that plodded along! I can now feel what a distraction it was from feeling what was going on around me and the lack of love that I was living with. As an adult I never had the money to own a horse but can feel how easily I could have become hooked again and it is only through Universal Medicine that I have started to look at the ways I have overridden(!) the many messages my body was giving me about how I abused it to avoid looking at the emptiness I felt inside.

    1. Oh yes Helen, the abusive scary situations that we put ourselves into not even realising at the time that they are self abusive because of our lack of care and awareness. I so appreciate the awareness that I have had all along but only started to allow myself to feel in the past 7 years. I say the awareness that I had all along because on some level, my body was say NO but I overrode because I was numb to its many ways of communicating to me.

46. It is amazing Rosie, the amount of abuse we will put our bodies through in a desire to gain recognition, so great to see it for what it was and choose to overcome this addiction , and come back to loving your self, knowing you are enough, that it is not in the doing but in the being, first and foremost.

    1. Thanks Jill, I am now starting to see my addiction to parenting and how I allow abuse in this area of my life because of all my ideals and beliefs around what a good parent should look like. Another blog perhaps one day…

       1. Yes please Rosie that is an important subject I feel many parents would appreciate being exposed.

47. Rosie I remember having riding lessons when I was younger, and falling off too! It is remarkable what we put our body through, to not being seen as lesser than others or for recognition. When in truth honouring ourself would be the very thing we should be doing.

48. I too used horses to make me feel good. At a time when there was very little warmth or love in my life I gained comfort from looking after a horse. The care and tenderness I could not spare for myself I gave the horses. I learnt to be tough with myself, to go beyond the fear, to keep going in spite of the pains from falls. It gave me recognition, a false sense of pride, a cover up for my lack of self-worth. Without the teaching of Universal Medicine I would still be reminiscing with fondness about those far away years.

    1. It is so abusive isn’t it Patricia. It is so great to be able to see it clearly for what it is now and not be caught in the illusion that it was for me.

49. Coming to your blog today Rosie reminded me that I always wanted a horse; wanted one with such a passion but just had to be content with seeing one in a paddock every now and then and just keep on dreaming. Now having read your story I can see very clearly why I felt like this and I am very glad that this dream didn’t come true!

    1. Interesting isn’t Ingrid as I am sure there are many who like you had the passion and wanted a horse so badly. I know the feeling as I had it for so so long until I turned 30 and changed it all. Now I look back on it all and think what a learning and I don’t miss the horse world at all.

50. I love your honesty Rosie. Food would have to be the thing that trips me up the most and me being hard on myself. Where and if addiction is a part of this I will have to feel into. By listening to my body and honoring what I feel and not continually beating myself up I am learning to deepen my love for myself and I am able to connect with my self more all the time and appreciate my true self.

    1. I recently attended a “Eating Disorders” group Margaret and went with the idea that I don’t have an eating disorder but I do have close friends who do, so I wanted to gain a better understanding of how I could support them. As the group were sharing I had this aha moment and realised that so many of us actually do have eating disorders, but we have never actually owned that. So I got honest and realised that the way I think about food so often, the way I want it to be a certain way and try to control it, the way I over eat and know exactly what I am doing but do it anyway…. these are all actually eating disorders. Sure they are not severe like Anorexia or Bulimia but they are still as disorder none the less. I actually wrote a blog about it and will publish it soon. There is nothing to be ashamed of, just incredible when I look around and realise that most people have an eating disorder to some degree, it is just a topic and subject that no one is talking about.

       1. Thank you Rosie my eating is defiantly dis-ordered I can certainly relate to what you are saying “ realised that the way I think about food so often, the way I want it to be a certain way and try to control it, the way I over eat and know exactly what I am doing but do it anyway…. these are all actually eating disorders.” The way I think about food is skewed in reality food is about fuel for the body and ideally I would feel into what my body need every time I go to eat not listen to what taste my mouth wants and is addicted to. As for bulimia I have tried to stick my figures down my throat at odd times like when I ate a whole block of chocolate years ago but that really didn’t do it for me not eating at all wasn’t an option either I just couldn’t do that either. I haven’t ever been good with self-control and personal boundaries when it comes to food. I remember when one of my daughters was about 4 she said to me “my tummy is full but my mouth wants to keep eating.” I could really relate to her comment. I am discovering now through self-love and learning to reconnect to my body and listen to what my body needs not what my mouth wants I am nowhere near as numb and disconnected. I’m looking forward to reading your blog about eating disorders.

       2. Thank you for sharing Margaret, I am absolutely positive that so many of us share this same addictive behaviour when it comes to food. It doesn’t matter if it is a full blown addiction or just a moderate or binge one, it is still an addictive behaviour after all.

51. I agree Michael. I used to fantasize about the feeling of freedom of jumping on a horse and riding ‘fast as the wind’. In fact I’ve only ever ridden a horse a couple of times in my life and was terrified of their power & size. So the horse = freedom idea was not from experience but some sort of collective imagination. Rosie’s article shows how much financial resource and physical work is involved if one truly to wants to live the dream of horses. All the time I was really just wanting to live more of me and stop holding back – it was just a symbol and conveniently elusive enough that the imaginings replaced actually being myself – an addiction to the impossible, a giving up-ness one might say.

52. Rosie I loved reading your experience with horses, and how you became addicted to having them in your life. We all have or have had our addictions of one kind or another, mine was sport I played in lots of teams, and I know that I did it for the recognition, and for me personally it was a good way to be with people, without actually having to be open with anyone. It suited me at the time very well, and I now realise how much I missed out on, by not being me.

53. I can relate to some of the reasons you were attracted to horses. I took up riding lessons late in life as a way of escaping sadness and connecting with nature. I think there was also something in there about having power and mastery over something that couldn’t shout back. I noticed people who were obsessive about horses, to the exclusion of their own needs and who had hardened themselves beyond their true fragility in order to cope with the often strenuous physical demands of tending to horses. I’d never appreciated this could have been addiction so your blog stands as a great awareness-raiser.

54. Sometimes we don’t consider there are addictions besides the obvious ones. Thank-you Rosie for bringing this to the fore. This is an opportunity for me to honestly consider if I have an addiction which I have chosen to ignore.

55. Thank you Rosie. I so wanted to ride horses as a teenager and didn’t and then I started riding about 10 years ago and did so for about 6 months. Despite aching and hurting in my body the pull to carry on was every strong, fortunately though we moved away and then I started attending Universal Medicine events and it is now I look back and remember after moving location and being surrounded by friends who had horses that there was nothing in me that was interested anymore. Thank you for the inspiration to consider whether there may be other addictions lurking..

56. Dr Rachel Mascord BDS, that is so true, from giving up one addiction, it is so easy to fill that need with another distraction.

57. Thank you Rosie for sharing your amazing journey and for turning your life around. What stays with me was how your total obsession with horses, took you over, to your own detriment, left you trapped in an abusive cycle and that was not recognised as an addiction by yourself or those around you. What you share teaches us that addictive behaviour is not confined to alcohol, drink, food and drugs.

58. Brilliant sharing Rosie and one that rang many bells for me. Yes I was addicted too. Big time. It was the realisation that after numerous injuries – of which sometimes I would just get up and carry on as if nothing had happened, with 3 young children and a part time job it brought home that I had responsibilities. It took another 20 years before I came across the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon. Horses took up most of my day (and sometimes night) if they were still a part of my life that space for me to fill it with self love would still not perhaps be here with me now. No such thing as coincidence! Thank you Rosie I feel a return to read this blog again soon. So many gentle reminders, ‘appreciation’ being one of them.

59. Your addicition to horses Rosie feels no different than any other addiction. It was something you relied on to prop you up and keep you separated from yourself so that you didn’t have to be honest about what was really going on. I have experienced this with an addiction to being ‘busy’. Filling up every minute of every day to make sure I don’t give myself a chance to simply be with me. It’s like we spend all our time trying so hard not to feel the sadness we may have, which is I believe, the root of the addiction in the first place, that we just keep pushing further and further down, and yet we never ever actually get far enough away from it. What I have learnt is that dealing with some of these hurts actually is the key to feeling the freedom we are seeking from our addictions. The addictions somehow are never really able to provide us with what we need, and hence the reason we create a habit out of it – constantly hoping that one day the pain will subside. Gosh we are stubborn.

    1. Yes, I know how stubborn I have been! What you share is something I relate to. I have often used busy and at times still do. Its just another distraction and another way of not connecting to me. I too am now seeing how important it is to look at each and every hurt, even the tiny “insignificant” ones as these are really what we are trying to distract ourselves from, and once we are aware of them and work through them and accept them, there is no longer a need to be distracted from them.

60. Well I’ve met people who are horse mad but hadn’t connected that as an addiction, but I am now seeing that anything we do to fill an empty space, to occupy ourselves, to be recognised as belonging falls into that category. And it all seems so normal, but normal does not mean it’s true, just that it is common behaviour.

61. Great question alexander1207 – “What are my hidden addictions?”… For me, the obvious ones I’ve recognised to date and have been working on are an addiction to stress, an addiction to drama, an addiction to control… I’m sure the list could go on… But the point I’ve realised is that anything where I am not totally being myself and where I am looking to for some kind of relief, escape or reward from life is potentially an addiction…

    1. Thats revealing Angela. I can totally understand the addiction to stress and drama.

    2. So great, how you have continued the blog and Alexander1207’s question “What are my hidden addictions?” into nominating some of those hidden addictions. This is a new sight and approach that has the power for a complete turnaround in it – because it exposes both, the hidden addiction itself, and the “hiding-tools” that are commonly shared fully respected and rewarded till now…

62. Rosie – how did I miss this blog?? Horses were a major major obsession for me for almost my whole life. As you have described, owning horses is a 24 hour job, your whole life revolves around looking after them, and I watched many people, including me, sacrifice their own well-being for them. My horse was more important to me then anything, but never gave me what I was truly looking for. What you have said resonates for me in so many ways, I loved the attention it brought me, the thrill of scaring myself competing and the distraction from life. My body too told me it no longer liked riding – I was ill as a teenager and when I went back to riding I found my body could no longer cope with how rough it was, I would feel weak and SO sore after. I don’t miss it either, looking back that was not a normal way to live, and the love I desperately sought in horses, I found is actually not in my relationship with a horse, but with people.

    1. Obsession is a good way to describe the horse addiction. I have also noticed how much closer to people I am now that I gave up the horses!

       1. Connecting with people rather than horses is certainly a much richer and more fulfilling way to live.

63. This pointed out to me all the stuff we do to be recognised.. And what we are willing to not listen to and ignore from our bodies so to keep going. It’s great to note that pretty much anything we use can be an addiction, things that we love and do all the time that aren’t necessarily seen as unhealthy, but can be because of the way we use it and how we are with it.

64. Pingback: The Addiction Nobody Discusses « The Truth about Serge Benhayon

65. It feels amazingly liberating to accept the truth of what we have strongly identified ourselves with and finally let them go.

66. alexander1207, I had exactly the same impulse – if horses can be such an addiction (which they very obviously can be, from Rosie’s sharing), then what have I not yet let go of?

67. wow Rosie what a great blog – riveting reading and so full of lessons and observations. Fascinating to see how clearly your body was giving you messages throughout your horse ordeal including the allergies, hardness and kicking out your teeth and still you overrode those messages. Interesting because our bodies speak so clearly and lovingly to us, and yet we all constantly override them in one way or another whether aware or not. How much more simple life would be if we cleaned up our act and listened to our bodies. I say clean up our act because the messages can get a bit dulled when we intentionally poison our bodies (such as with food, drink and emotions) so as to not hear what they are saying – that’s when we need an actual kick in the face or a metaphorical one!

68. Thank you Rosie, this has me wondering whether I have any hidden addictions and what being addicted to something or someone really means. Time to take a deeper and more honest look.

    1. Sometimes I think I am addicted to commenting on these blogs, I almost can’t imagine life without it!!!

       1. 🙂 Me neither Meg but this addiction helps us evolve I am sure.

69. Who would have thought that riding and being involved with horses could be an addiction, yet it makes a lot of sense when you look at it and have it explained so clearly in such detail. I actually work with a number of people who all ride horses and they all carry, aches, pains and ailments. So perhaps riding and caring for horses, particularly when it means we put ourselves second, isn’t that good for us. Its great to see more of what is going on and reading this blog has been very informative into a horsey world that I know little about.

    1. Well said Mary, from my own experiences I can definitely say that making my whole life about horses was definitely a coping mechanism and a distraction away from what I saw and felt in my life.

70. An awesome blog Rosie, it reminds me of my experiences with horses and how I ignored many signals telling me not to ride them. Many times horses had kicked me off, the first time I broke my arm and luckily I escaped further injuries although I had many scary times when horses bolted on me leaving me feeling totally out of control and extremely vulnerable. I kept riding though determined to conquer this fear of horses I felt at times, until one day I finally let go of my attachment to horses as well – I surrendered and accepted the fact that perhaps I was not meant to ride horses that all the unpleasant experiences I had were telling me that riding was too hard on my body not to mention putting myself in a potentially unsafe situation and stressing myself out. I now enjoy seeing horses roaming wildly in their paddocks without any desire to ride them again – my body and nervous system are thanking me for finally listening.

71. It’s amazing Rosie the level of self-abuse we’re prepared to put up with in the name of recognition – until we realise that we’re enough just as we are!

    1. Yes, we do often put up with a lot of self-abuse for recognition in many forms, whether for control, wanting to be loved, to prove ourselves, to ensure we are seen as better than others… To me, most of this in my own life has come from a lack of self worth and therefore the ‘addictions’ (to food, exercise, control, drama etc) have been a way to try and make up for how I feel about myself. In all these things, I was looking outside of myself for self worth where I’ve now realised the only place I can find this is within.

72. Awesome to read the place you came to at the end of this blog Rosie – that we all naturally yearn for the rhythm of our true nature. And though we all have different flavours of addiction, when we let them go and stop trying to ride the downsides out, this true yearning is there waiting for us to re-connect.

73. Awesome Rosie to feel your power and honesty as you chose to expose and heal your addiction to horses. It is very true that we are often not aware that addictions exist as they often appear to be a ‘normality’ and so it often continues unnoticed and/or is disregarded. I have also discovered this for myself with certain foods, for example. Discounting how they felt in my body because everyone around me was eating them only to discover that I was actually addicted. What is inspiring is how you chose to go deeper and pay attention to the messages you were receiving from your body about your well-being and started honoring what you felt was true. Thank you for reflecting that there is a way to live that comes from connecting to our bodies and the love that we are within first and when we do how amazing this feels.

74. I have realised to a deeper level that everything in life is a reflection and offers so much enlightening information about ourselves and our livingness. This blog has also made it clear the everything in life can become addictive and be used to reward, get recognition, to hide, to be comfortable and the list goes on. The gift of this life is about true purpose – holding and loving ourselves as the sacred beings we are and from that place making everything about humanity and brotherhood. Thank you Rosie for providing this opportunity to open more deeply to the reflections available to us in every moment of our lives.

75. Dear Rosie as I read your amazing blog I could feel what it means to be horse addicted. What makes me joyful is how you change your life and that is for me such an inspiration. To read and feel that it is possible to let go of such an addiction is wunderbar. And as your wrote: “Like a lot of addictions, we are often not aware that the addiction exists.” That is a great invitation to us to have a look where we are addicted . . .

    1. I had a similar relationship with Hatha Yoga and remember thinking in my 20’s how I could not imagine not doing it. I gave up Hatha Yoga in my late twenties as like your horse riding I started to feel how harsh and hard I was being on my body. Since then it has been like getting out of prison, looking back I certainly didn’t need such extreme and unnecessary flexibility and strength, now I would hate to know how it would feel if I had kept going! I call it freedom from the need that attracted me to Hatha Yoga in the first place.

76. Yes those projected pictures! I wrote a blog about women in relationships and the pictures that we can go into. Check it out if you feel to:
    http://everydaylivingness.com/women-in-relationships-the-pictures-of-how-a-woman-should-be/
    Some interesting comments on there too!

77. Wow, I didn’t realise you were a horse freak! A very honest and real account of how we can loose ourselves in something outside of ourselves. Whether it be horses, drugs, alcohol, partners, children, work, hobbies etc. Thanks for sharing Rosie.

    1. I have been a few types of freaks including horse freak, health freak, art freak whilst on a journey of learning who I really am! Funny how we can use what we do to define who we are when it is just something we do and therefore we get so identified in it that we think that is us.

78. It is quite scary really, the extent to which we will go to have others “see” us isn’t it.

79. That’s so true Rachel how “horse world” and partying and drinking seem like two very different behaviours, yet they are both coming from an emptiness and that searching for love.

80. Thanks for sharing your story Rosie, I never quite realised just how tough it is to own a horse – physically, time and money wise. I know I used to find horses and horse riding etc. quite glamorous and intriguing when I was young, and I can see how the identity of being associated with it can have a very strong pull. Awesome to hear how you began to choose love for yourself and how that changed your relationship with horses – it goes to show that addictions can come in many different guises.

81. I also say neigh or ‘NAY’ to horses

    1. Ha ha, thats funny gregbarnes888!
       Nay to horses and Nay to any addictive needy behaviour.

82. Thank you for sharing Rosie – I too went through a major horse phase – starting on the basis that it kept me young and innocent. I remember my parents saying how much they loved me riding because it kept me away from boys. It worked – but at the same time I developed such an infatuation with horses and all that came with it. I loved being by myself – being in nature – feeling horses were the only animals that truly got me. When really they were very much my escape from not truly connecting with people at the time.
    Thank you for sharing your experience – it gives me a greater level of understanding as to why I was so attached.

83. This reminds me of my relationship with pets and how I was “addicted” to owning lots of pets thinking one day I would be a zoo keeper! Crazy that we can become so caught in these things.

84. Rosie, thank you for educating me on how, a pastime, hobbie or passion may also be, or can become an addiction. Something for me to ponder on!

85. Incredible what an addiction does to our self care, and what we sacrifice for being in comfort and not having to deal with what is going on. This Blog opened some doors Rosie, thank you.

86. I hadn’t thought of this as an addiction and loved reading all the comments adding to things that are addictive and can keep us away from what is truly nurturing for us.

87. Rosie your blog exposes how many things can be an addiction or a distraction from truly loving ourselves.

88. Thanks Andrew, I have no shame and honesty is the easiest way to work through my stuff!

89. I think I had your addiction, I just didn’t live it out to such an extent. I literally used to dream of owning a horse when I was young and I had posters all over my walls. I am wondering what I saw in them as a child. I loved being outdoors, I loved feeling the rolling rhythm as they walked along but there was also a thrill of riding something so big and unpredictable. I guess we are all looking for love and horses must have been one way that I substituted false love for the real deal.

90. Awesome blog Rosie!! I use to love riding horses as well, and I had a few lessons too. The whole idea of riding horses, being out in nature, feeling invincible while your up high on a horse is a very happy picture, that it makes sense so many people go for that. I only ever got to see the horse I was riding once every 2 weeks or so which did not feel often enough so I gave up on horses being the answer because the rest of the 2 weeks was not as amazing as when I was out with horses.

91. The hidden trenches of addiction, are everywhere. Thank you for highlighting how addiction is not only substance abuse but anything that allows us too neglect our most innate feelings and self as well.

    1. Thanks lukeyokota, and what I am becoming more aware of is that addictions can come in many hidden forms.

       1. Yes, I’ve been noticing that more in detail also… a simple example is spending too much time trying to solve a problem. This is an on-going addiction and it distracts me from the ease I could otherwise live with.

92. I too was a person who loved riding and spending time with horses. My major reason was to escape the house. Get on my horse and leave the world. I too no longer ride. To be honest I never felt safe when on a horse and realised the tension I put my body into to ride was harming me greatly. It was a true relief the day I decided that I no longer wanted to ride.

93. The human imagination knows no limits when dealing with how to best boycott and delay returning who we truly are. When delay is at stake we are really resourceful.

    1. Very resourceful indeed emfeldman, and tricky and sneaky too….. I know this from my own personal experience. I have been an expert at this!

94. Letting go of that addiction and ingrained pattern of anything in life is tough, as you then realise how divine you are without needing to fill in time. Thank you dearly, Rosie.

    1. Thanks Ben, and isn’t it crazy …how I know for myself at least, that I somehow chose the ingrained behaviour over being divine.

95. Thank you Rosie for your sharing of your horse addiction. I was not aware that horses could be something you could be addicted to, but you have clearly shown me that this is the same as being addicted to drugs when you consider that an addiction brings harm to our bodies and withhold us in every way from having a true relation with ourselves.

    1. Addictions come in many hidden forms, different ways and behaviours… and the hidden ones can sometimes be a lot harder to give up because you are not even aware of them and how they affect you so much…

96. This is great Rosie, as we all have these hidden addictions we can use to hide ourselves from life. Definitely got me feeling I need to take a closer look at what I use to keep me from truly being all of me in the world.

97. Wow Rosie what an amazing story, from such, we could say, obsession involving abuse, to now freedom involving love through honesty and awareness. Your post applies to any every day seemingly harmless addictions we may have, such as eating certain foods, habits, sports, activities, animals, education, work, even parenting. It shows that when we put the ‘target’ ahead of ourselves we so often end up negating what we feel and the ‘disagreement’ our body is communicating via exhaustion, disease, illness, pain, allergies etc.

98. Great that you have exposed the identification/ recognition and so much more we can seek through sport. “In letting go of the horses and choosing me, I have given myself permission to love me more than them, which used to be the other way round” I too have had similar experiences with snowboarding using it to seek recognition and putting it before myself, risking serious injury or death because I ‘love’ it. I was so attached to my snowboard I never thought I would want to let it go. But as I am allowing more self loving choices I have felt my needs around snowboarding and I have also felt how hard I have to be in my body to be able to do it. I can honestly say it just doesn’t feel good anymore.

    1. Thanks for sharing Michelle. It is as if there was a comfort in loving something more than ourselves. It is great how you share about the snowboard, because I can relate to that too, and how terribly hard that and many other sports can be on the body -really quite abusive in fact.

    2. Absolutely Michelle, I was also addicted to snow skiing and the associated partying to fill my emptiness.

99. Hi Rosie, gosh! I can relate to some of what you have shared in your blog. I too was a horse lover starting lessons from a young age, and mastered ridging – western style with such perfection. I was addicted, well and truly hooked. But with what you have shared you have opened my eyes and heart to the truth of why I had such an obsession with horses, something of which I have not ever questioned. I felt safe with horses especially when riding them and received unconditional love from my own horse ~ neither of which I felt or received from anywhere else. Thank you for sharing Rosie.

    1. I am glad the blog helped you to question what you had never considered before. It was a massive revelation to me at the time.

100. Thank you Doug, I love your honesty and open mind which allows you to look at what part you played in the bigger picture.

101. Thank you Rosie. How great to have such a deep awareness of your old relationship with horses and how it played out. I loved what you said about it being more hidden than drug abuse and how in some ways it was more abusive. I had a similar relationship with running many years ago identifying myself with my placings in races. I can remember how hard my body was back then and how I overrode the signals to stop. This was hidden too because running is often celebrated as being exercise that is good for you. My own experience is that dropping running, the identification I had with it and taking up exercising in a more gentle way has been so beneficial and much more enjoyable.

102. I did the horse thing while I was growing up but it was my mother’s addiction rather than mine that I was living out. I enjoyed going out for a ride on a lovely day in beautiful countryside but mostly I resented all that owning ponies, especially through an English winter, entailed. I did not say anything as I wanted to please my mother and so had to live in the pretence, frustration and resentment for many years. I realize now that if I had spoken the truth from the start I would have been free of living out someone else’s addiction.

     1. Isn’t it amazing how as children we can do all sorts of things to please our parents, and we didn’t seem to realise that we actually may have had a choice!

     2. Very interesting Mary, I wonder how many children are right now taking part in activities primarily to please their parents, to get the recognition that they are craving. I suspect lots and lots, and in time many possibly forget why they got involved with that activity in the first place.

103. I went through a phase of trying to learn how to ride, but it didn’t go so well. I did a trek through the australian bush on horseback over five days and I ended up bow-legged like a cowboy. Not good!

104. I enjoyed this blog Rosie, the way you have described your addiction will help others to identify that they may also have a dependency on a hobby or past-time and that, something that seems quite innocent can actually be abusive.

105. Great blog Rosie, I have never been addicted to horses but I can and do relate to what you say about feeling needed and to be seen. You could say my addiction was sport and I was into lots. Because I was good at them I would be the one they asked to play for them or coach them so there was lots of recognition and acceptance. Once I realised that I only played for recognition it was easy to stop and like you, I know that it was the best decision for me.

106. I can really relate to what you’ve said here Rosie, having spent a fair bit of time with horses myself. I got to the point where I didn’t enjoy riding but owned a horse and listened to people telling me that I should ride because the exercise was good for him and he needed it – I used to override (pun not intended!) my feelings and would go for a ride and my knees would hurt so much I would have to hop off and walk back with him. Crazy now I look back on it.. I too have Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to thank for inspiring me to honour what I feel is true.

107. I loved reading this and relating it to my own addictive behaviours – I feel inspired by how you chose to let go of it from just choosing yourself over the horses. Top blog, thanks for sharing Rosie.

108. Amazing Rosie, the horse lifestyle is a really big thing for a lot of people. Like you have shared, it is something people identify with. I was really into horse’s when I was young. I started riding when I was 6 or 7, and I identified with it. I loved being complemented and achieving. I loved being around the older ‘cool’ riders and the big horses. And as I got older I loved being allowed to ride the big horses. Riding was something I made a very big part of my life, but one day, when I moved house away from my stables, I just stopped needing to ride. And if I ever feel like I miss riding, I just understand that I am simply missing being recognised for what I was doing. Awesome sharing Rosie, thank you.

     1. When you say the ‘horse lifestyle’ you hit the nail on the head, it’s not a hobby it is literally a way of life that governs every aspect of your life, thoughts, time and finances. And when you are in that lifestyle, it’s difficult to imagine anything different.

        1. I agree – I remember that there was a group of riding girls at my school – in almost every school and the competition between them and the belittling of those who didn’t ride was astounding.

        2. Yes and many girls get sucked into this lifestyle and don’t even realise.

109. Wow Rosie this is amazing, uncovering your hidden addiction and letting it go too, awesome. Such honesty is to be celebrated, thank you for your sharing.

110. Great sharing as usual Rosie… and you know probably better than anyone how much I can relate to it all! I will be blogging soon lol! I have seen the inspiring choices you have made, and the incredible change in you since the time we met, and increasingly since selling your horses – it’s beautiful. The decision to sell brings up so much, but it is worth it! So much to be learnt, and so much healing takes place.

     1. Janene, through the horses, I came to meet you… and I have you to thank for sharing the Gentle Breath Meditation with me, and introducing me to Universal Medicine… these have been the best years of my life and it’s only the beginning!!!

        1. Hi Rosie, horses have been a bridge for both us. I thank you for all your support then, and your support now, and I will agree full-heartedly that since coming to Universal Medicine these have been the best years in innumerable ways… and we can eagerly allow the remaining unfolding!

111. Thank you Rosie. I never considered my love of houses to be an addiction, but as soon as I read what you said, I knew instantly that “My addiction was houses”. It started at 9, when my mum did up a room for me, it felt so lovely, and looked so pretty. Then when things were not ok with my family, and I didn’t want to feel what was going on, I started to clean, reorganise, and tidy. Constantly trying to make my surroundings feel better by looking better! When all I had to do was just feel what was going on!

     1. Hahaha, I never imagined my exposing of my horse addiction would help you become aware and own your house addiction!!! Thanks for being honest and sharing!

112. I have always wondered why some people were ‘horse crazy’, Rosie. I now understand. I can also see now how ‘many’ other ‘addictions’ provide a way for us to not feel what is really going on in our lives… and how it is easy with some of these addictions to just see the fresh air and exercise aspect of it all, not the harm we are doing to our bodies as a result. It’s great you now choose you!

113. Wow… this really makes me consider what ‘addictions’ I have had lurking around without knowing about it… thanks Rosie.

114. Fantastic article Rosie, and wow, what a revelation and what a big step to make. It’s great you are now choosing ‘you’. Looking outside ourselves is never the answer.

     1. Thanks Caroline, as a horse lover yourself, I am sure you can understand.

115. And… the amount of money that I save because I don’t have to buy feed, get their shoes done, vet bills, and all the horsey gear… I actually have money for myself to have a massage or healing session or for my daughter to do singing lessons. I really do have to celebrate giving up this old addiction!

     1. What freedom have you given yourself! One of my old addictions was dancing, and a very specific form of dancing. It hurt my hips and knees, took hours of dedication and obsessed my mind. Yet I can now see it was a socially condoned addiction. It allegedly made me ‘interesting’ and gave me stuff to talk about. Now, all of that time and money I spent on clothes, shoes and classes I put towards me. And when I talk to people, it not about distractions, and what I did last night, but about what is truly going on in life. Freedom indeed. And worth celebrating.

        1. Yes Rachel, I can imagine that dancing could be quite a hidden addiction too, and could be very damaging to the body if you dance to check out and not feel what is really going on in your life.

116. A horse addiction! What a fascinating article Rosie. It’s interesting what we use in our lives to hide behind. There’s the obvious (drugs, alcohol, food), then the more subtle as you have exposed. A while back, my addiction was the many distractions offered by the internet and social media. I wasn’t physically allergic to these activities, but it certainly wasn’t good for me. Fortunately I’ve moved on, yet I can still get hooked. And that’s where the simplicity of the gentle breath or a gentle walk in nature can do so much to bring us back.

     1. Yes, there was the obvious… drugs, alcohol and food… I worked through those first and it took another 3 years until I unraveled this hidden addiction!

     2. Yes Rod, we can use everything, even the healing modalities, to ‘check out’, if not done in conscious presence (where our mind is with our body). Then there is no difference to any obvious so- called drug.

117. What an amazing sharing Rosie, with so much self awareness. How lovely that you now choose you.

     I know what you mean about some patterns and addictions being more harmful than the obvious ones. It’s the hidden-ness and the normalisation of them that makes them so harming, because before we can actually deal with them we have to realise that they are there, that they are harming us and that they are possibly an addiction that we are using to give us something as a substitute.

     1. And I have found that with this particular addiction of mine, it has been interesting what my friends have had to say about it… because they knew me as “Rosie who was a rider, horse massage therapist etc. etc.”. These friends only knew that part of me, and have not really ever met the ‘real’ me. In writing that, I realise that I am only just now starting to really know the real me too!

        1. Meg what I just got from reading your comment was how crazy it is that I had all the time in the world for the horses but made absolutely no time for me.

118. Rosie, this is so incredible. As an ex-horse addict (a very small-time user!!!) I get what you are saying precisely. It applies to so many facets of life we use to not invest in ourselves, and to not nurture ourselves. How much money, time and commitment do we pour into these things? And how magical when we invest that equal money, time and commitment to us.

     1. Yes Rachel it is awesome when we commit to investing in ourselves rather than something outside.

119. Thanks, Rosie. That is amazing! You so clearly expose how what the world generally sees as a passion or even a healthy, constructive interest is actually harmful. Your detail about your allergy and ignoring your neglect of yourself in order to maintain your connection to horses reveals the potency of the drive to get love at any cost when we don’t realise we can simply love ourselves.

     1. Thanks for your comment Judith, that’s so true… we will go to any extreme searching for love and recognition without ever realising that we can love ourselves!

     2. Interesting I never really connected passion to addiction but this makes absolute sense. We in society generally only view behaviours as addictive when they include substance abuse or attribute to financial issues, yet I can see addiction goes well beyond these boundaries.

        1. Trust me.. horses create lots of financial issues too.. They are so expensive and when you waste all your money on them, there is not much left to care for yourself.

     3. This is so true Rosie, ‘Your detail about your allergy and ignoring your neglect of yourself in order to maintain your connection to horses reveals the potency of the drive to get love at any cost when we don’t realise we can simply love ourselves.’ I love the way you expose the craziness of the hobbies and things we get involved with when, as you say, we can love ourselves – so much more simple.

     4. This is so true Judith, the world and society generally celebrates and commends people who undergo great pain & sacrifice to achieve something and be great at the detriment to their own life including their health & relationships. We see it a lot in sport and many other facets of life, but it can be present and just as destructive in day to day roles such as being a good mother, or a success at work. We need to start noticing the harm behind great achievements and question whether they are truly great if they leave other parts of our life less.

        1. Very good point Laura. How can they be great if they are leaving any other part less or even compromised.

        2. It really is an important point to consider, and we are constantly being shown this as there are so many celebrities – so called great actors, musicians, dancers, etc. who are literally worshipped for what they do, and yet end up taking their own life. Yet each time we see this, we still celebrate what they ‘did’. Are we missing the opportunity to realise how sensitive they were, and how possibly the drive for great success left them feeling so bad they take their own life. Your blog is a great example of some of the reasons behind identifying with ‘doing’ something at the expense of our health and wellbeing. I really feel that it exposes how wrong we have it in society when we are all about appreciating the doing and not the being.

        3. Yes, how sad is that Laura, to celebrate them for what they did and not for who they are. And obviously what they did, for them was not so great, otherwise why would they take their own lives?

        4. You are all raising really important points here and myth busting. How strange because I have a feeling if most people were honest they would know that many celebrities and those that are famous for being famous are in a complete mess inside and yet still we egg them on and put them on pedestals as role models. What is that all about?? And as you write Laura time and time again we are shown the consequences as they take their own lives or descend into full blown addictions. Also I love your comment that something cannot be an achievement if it leaves other parts of our lives or the lives of anyone else for that matter as less.

        5. I feel that society accepts that we need to compromise and sacrifice for greatness and success and conveniently ignores the bigger picture. Could it be that without a foundation of love, success is empty?

        6. My experience is that there are only two energies that we can live and express from – one contains love (Soul) and one does not (spirit). I choose to live from the Soul energy and therefore for me there is no success without love. It is only for the spirit that there can be success without love – for example you could successfully beat another person. Unimedpedia gives a great description of the spirit.

           using this link – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia/word-index/unimedpedia-spirit.html

        7. Ah, that makes it so clear Nicola, success without love will of course feel empty, and leave you wanting/needing more to feel fulfilled, a never ending drive for success.

        8. and yes Laura to add to your comment and my last comment – absolutely success without love is empty – or at least it is empty of love of course… but it can be full of aggression and other energies.

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