Self Acceptance: No Need to Push, No Need to Try

by Rosie Bason, Mullumbimby, NSW

When I do things such as speak, sing or paint with a need to get it to be a certain way, with a push or a need to try, I actually make it less. It is less because at that moment I am not accepting myself or realising that I am already enough. For example, the sound when I try to sing comes out hard, yet when there is no push and no need to try, it comes out naturally beautiful.

What I am is enough! I don’t need to be more, or push, or need to try to be. In the past, I have never accepted myself to be enough. There has always been a strive to be more.

When I come from a place of self acceptance, what comes from me is beautiful because it has me as part of it.

However, when I come from the drive to make it a certain way, to sound good, to look good, to be seen… all of the expectation causes an awful feeling in my body. 

In society it is often about being better, bolder, bigger; we don’t seem to stop to appreciate how we are already enough, just as we are. We are all divine in our own special way.

When I try to be more than who I am, the world does not get to feel me just the way I am. When I accept myself and when there is no need to try, the world gets to feel all of me.

I have come to this realisation after attending talks by Serge Benhayon and workshops by Chris James.

307 thoughts on “Self Acceptance: No Need to Push, No Need to Try

  1. ‘When I try to be more than who I am, the world does not get to feel me just the way I am. When I accept myself and when there is no need to try, the world gets to feel all of me.’ A super-simple equation for living a life of surrender to and acceptance of who we are in essence and truth.

  2. Thank you Rosie, I could feel another layer of self acceptance emerge as I read your words here. These beliefs of not being enough can run so deep that they affect many of our choices. Waking up to this and allowing these deeper feeling to come up to clear and getting support in the healing of this brings us to a potentially fuller and more joyful life.

  3. Pushing and trying in life is so exhausting! Stemming from a feeling of not being enough there is a drive to prove self-worth to others and to myself that I am in fact enough… working with self-acceptance and self- appreciation is the perfect antidote to this, allowing for a more surrendered way of being with life.

    1. By appreciating who we truly are, we know in full exactly who we are not and therefore will not fall for trying to be something or someone else and in this way we learn to live true to our essence, which is love.

  4. “When I accept myself and when there is no need to try, the world gets to feel all of me.” Beautiful Rosie. Striving to be ‘good enough’ and constant ‘trying’ predicates not being good enough, Yet when did we ever see babies and very young children trying to be more than they naturally are? It is society that imposes conditions on us to be more and if we take this in it can lead to a life of trying, rather than accepting and appreciating who we truly are.

    1. Hi Sue, I don’t just think that it is society that imposes conditions on us, I think that I am very good at imposing conditions on myself and in fact have done so for so long that I don’t even realise at times.

  5. When we accept who we are and let go of the push and drive, magic happens, everything we do then comes with ease, a flow and joy. It is so simple, accept who we are, accept our power and life just flows.

  6. I love this statement – “What I am is enough! ” Imagine if we were all told this at birth and every day thereafter? We would have no exhaustion, no stress, no trying to prove ourselves. We would have harmony amongst each other and actually be able to get on with evolution.

  7. Awesome Rosie, I have been singing in the car lately and can so realise the difference from when I am pushing and striving coming from a drive to when I am connected and singing for pure joy. Why should we push and strive to be better when in truth we are all already enough.

  8. “When I come from a place of self acceptance, what comes from me is beautiful because it has me as part of it.” I love that Rosie because I know for sure that everything I do where I am a part of is blessed as I am completing the puzzle with what I bring to it.

  9. Rosie I love this point about trying “It is less because at that moment I am not accepting myself or realising that I am already enough.” because I grew up with the “try harder” mentality from school to home, in fact “try harder” was something used to drive us forward that it was the way. However I also built a big non acceptance of myself issue that has been one of the most hardest things to heal, knowing that I am enough no matter what. Of course I now also have the knowing that anything is possible and not trying does not mean doing nothing!

  10. It is true what you say Rosie, when we push or act in a certain way to please or get attention it takes away from the true quality that can come from our bodies, and it feels unnatural – in those moments we are lessening ourselves and short changing others.

    1. We also know how false it feels when those around us are trying rather than just being. I do at times react to this, knowing and feeling that they are in a sense, lying and faking it.

  11. We are never giving all of us if we are coming from a place of need. When we come from a place of need, we are asking another to fill a space within that can only be fill from the love we offer ourselves.

    1. And we all know how draining it is to have someone who is needy around us, who is looking outside themselves and not realising that they have all that they need within.

  12. It’s such a crazy concept that we try to be something. We are already everything and we are sparks of divinity – what more is there than that?!

  13. This is all so very true Rosie. Everything we need to be we already are, perhaps just not yet living it in full. If we do not pause to appreciate the true wealth we each hold deep within, we will become lost in the endless search to be ‘more’, to compensate for the ‘lack’ that we feel, hence why we go into drive. Where we currently stand as a society today is that we are each sitting on a goldmine but searching for riches on the horizon! It is this self perpetuating blindness that needs our urgent attention.

    1. I love that analogy Liane, that we are each sitting on a goldmine but searching for riches on the horizon. We have it all within, the search is over.

  14. ”When I come from a place of self acceptance, what comes from me is beautiful because it has me as part of it.’ I can’t fault this divine logic. If we are innately beautiful – which we are – then it stands to reason that whatever we offer to the world from that place of natural beauty will already be beauty-full. Beauty offering beauty.

  15. In surrendering to a deeper level of acceptance I find I am returning to a solid and simple foundation, that delivers a lot of appreciation and joy naturally. It feels like I have two feet firmly planted in awareness, connected to the earth below, the sky above and the reflections of nature all around me, which allows the beauty, the divine spark to be seen and felt.

  16. when we start to understand as Rosie has , where the push is in our lives, where we are driving ourselves, it can be the start of an extraordinary unraveling, and the doorway to a very different relationship with ourselves, our lives, our relationships… In fact everything benefits from letting go of… the Push!

  17. ‘When I accept myself and when there is no need to try, the world gets to feel all of me.’ A simple truth, trying is exhausting and will never bring what we expect it will. Accepting is the start of being content with yourself and appreciating of who you are, a foundation where pushing and a driven way of being has no place.

  18. “In society it is often about being better, bolder, bigger; we don’t seem to stop to appreciate how we are already enough, just as we are. We are all divine in our own special way.” Beautifully said Rosie and so very true.

  19. Rosie this would make such a great cartoon or kids book, it’s true that when we try, things don’t turn out so good, but when we are simply ourselves things turn out amazingly – what could be easier?

  20. This is gorgeous Rosie and a great call to cherish the joy of being ourselves. When we ‘try’ to be, act, express or move with a need to be seen in a certain way we are actually sharing so much less that all that we in-truth are, we are not being ourselves. We all have a unique way of expressing the love we all are within, we have so much to offer and through appreciating ourselves and our unique expression we can reflect love, inspire us all to celebrate all that we already are within and lighten up the world we are in.

    1. As I read your comment I started to really appreciate you Carola, and your amazing voice and thought wouldn’t we all miss out if you were to try and sing and or sound like someone else instead of, as you do… Which is, you embrace you and share you with us. You voice melts me every time.

  21. ‘When I try to be more than who I am, the world does not get to feel me just the way I am’ – love this. The strive to be more is almost epidemic and in that we all deny each other the true beauty of who we really are.

  22. Self acceptance is the first step in appreciation of myself. Without it I am always moving to the beat of another’s drum as the saying goes. I am learning that self acceptance and appreciation are like to sides to the one coin; one does not exist without the other.

    1. Yes Bernadette when we begin to appreciate ourselves that’s when the real expansion starts. It’s as if acceptance opens the door to appreciation which opens the door to us living in our glory, unfettered and free and in the joy that this responsibility brings.

  23. ‘When I do things such as speak, sing or paint with a need to get it to be a certain way, with a push or a need to try, I actually make it less’ I agree because we come form our heads, it’s actually an exhausting way to live, constantly separate from God.

  24. Self-acceptance where ever we are at is huge. Even reading this blog I can feel the pictures I have on how I have to be – for instance the fact I feel like I am not accepting myself at the moment feels like a picture I am not meeting and thus not accepting.

  25. Self acceptance is super important, bringing the understanding of that we are always enough is deeply healing. And gives us a foundation to build on, it is in every step of the way back to who we are from, appreciation and acceptance are huge building blocks on this path.

  26. We are vehicles of expression, a very much needed innate part of what is, the Divinity. In trying, we interfere with and taint what comes through us. We are already enough just for being.

  27. It’s simple this blog, but then so is life. For you show Rosie how we are given it all, supported to the nth degree only for us to turn around and say we are underprepared. Like being perfectly ready for a big trip away, then insisting on taking a massive detour to the shops to buy a TV, electric blankets and a months supply of bananas – it is just not needed and derails what is naturally easy.

    1. Hahaha this made me laugh and think of how people would ask my parents about sailing around the world and did they have to save lots of money to do it… no they didn’t, they just did it. We can always delay, or need this, more money, more comfort, more safety and yet sometimes we just have to do what we feel at the time even if another doesn’t think it is the best choice.

  28. There is so much investment in the drive. Our movements say it all. The fast paced determined, multi-tasked ‘go getter’ sells us the image that this is the way to live and taking on every opportunity that comes our way. How often do we stop to notice the quality of the life lived, the balance between self care and purpose and what is driving the activities in the first place. In our current climate the more one does, is seen to be doing or is championing their success for recognition is held as a role model for others. Yet the quality in which this is done is never taken into account. Why is this so?

  29. I know this need for recognition all too well and to be honest it makes everything hard work and sucks the joy out of life. When I let myself simply be I get to express who I truly am.

    1. And I suppose brings back that joy we all know so well of you Leonny. It is the conundrum that although we do all want to have joy in life, we sometimes are willing to suppress that joy for getting recognition instead.

    2. Yes we can make things so complicated, and get totally caught up in it all… but what for? Like you say, it sucks out all the joy!

    3. I remember that my own insecurity is that I used to seek the recognition and it felt like constant strain and hard work, life was a big struggle. Now life is full of joy and there is a flow, no need for recognition.

  30. I find that if I go into a sense of drive or need for recognition or agreement from another than what I’m expressing is coming with a need or attachment, something that is essentially about me as an individual rather than something that is truly loving!

  31. I used to make postcards. My initial sketches were simple and capture what I wanted to communicate in a nutshell. But if I wanted to impress, I would go into trying and would add something. Ironically almost always the added bit seemed to disturb the balance so I would have to add more. And then more and some more yet again. Often the whole thing would turn into a complicated mess long way from the original simplicity which I wished I could return to.

    Reading this blog I realise this way of complicating life is far more widespread.

  32. Very profound Rosie, if we are not equal in all we do then that doing is less, since it lacks us, the foundation of who we are. Makes perfect sense, and life is learning to allow this, to get out of our own way so to speak and allow what is in us innately to come out.

  33. The acceptance of ourselves is so powerful as it is in appreciation of and is connecting us to that inner source we all have in common, the inner heart where a wisdom resides that is equally in all of us. It is only our unique expression that brings that special flavor and is so needed in our everyday’s lives and to copy someone else or try to be all the same in expression will not serve us in any way shape or form. It will keep us bereft of all the uniqueness that when freely shared with one another will make us one.

  34. If I engineer what I’m saying or expressing to try and get a certain response or recognition then it does feel like there is an unnatural strain or push in what is being said or done, in opposition to the sense of harmony and openness that is there when I express truly from my essence and what I feel without needs or attachments to how it is received.

  35. “What I am is enough! I don’t need to be more, or push, or need to try to be”, these words are so simple yet so profound and wise Rosie, thank you. This morning these words really struck me as I ponder and appreciate my own ‘enoughness’.

  36. I have lived most of my life with that sense of drive and push Rosie as well, I have also found the importance of learning to accept and appreciate ourselves and how this is key to deepening the relationship with ourselves and in letting go of any need for another’s approval or acceptance.

  37. “When I accept myself and when there is no need to try, the world gets to feel all of me.” This is what I have learnt over the years when I just allow and let things flow and I don’t try, everyone gets to feel all of me and my fullness.

  38. I love this blog, And today just reading its title was enough to almost bring me to tears. What an important message this is and how sadly lacking this true acceptance and self love is in our world today. It’s beautiful to know, that no matter what has happened, what you have done or said, you still deserve to be cared for, nurtured and valued. Thank you Rosie.

  39. It was great to reflect on this blog today. I had an accident on the weekend, then went into completing a number of tasks I had to do. In the afternoon though my chest began to get sore, telling me I had gone too far. I could feel how I had looked to the things I was doing to pick me up and lift my ‘spirits’. So it’s a true support to come back to your words Rosie, and remember – it doesn’t matter what occurs, I am beautiful and always deserving of care and is no need to be anything extra, but all I am here to do is embrace the Love that is always there.

  40. “When I come from a place of self acceptance, what comes from me is beautiful because it has me as part of it.” Spot on Rosie, we spend so much time trying to get things ‘right’ based on what we think others want, or on our own measure of what is needed. Self-acceptance is a key part of being able to let all this go and settle back into ourselves to feel the true value and worth we are in our being, before we even lift a finger to do anything. This is a key life lesson in fact…

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