Starting a New Relationship with Food and Myself

by Janina Koch, Cologne/Germany

I wrote this down the other week… a realisation from my body which describes my relationship with food:

“No food in this world is more yummy than feeling delicious me!”

I used food all my life to not feel me and what is going on – as a treat for me, a reward. I loved watching TV with my wine, crisps and Belgian chocolate. It was the best part of my day. I looked forward to it. No matter how bloated I felt after, I ate a whole packet of crisps.

I didn’t want to deal with my stuff and with my life. And I didn’t want to deal with my relationship with food, or understand that the way I was eating was connected to my exhaustion, lack of vitality and commitment to life.

I defended this way of not taking responsibility for me and my life for a long time. I was convinced that life was too much and that I couldn’t handle it.

But now I know this is not true…

My mind always said “Oh, it doesn’t really matter if I eat more than I really need”, in a not very connected, rather racy way.

However, now my awareness of my relationship with food is changing and I can say it does matter.

To eat when I am not hungry, or to override feelings of being tired with food, is a way of harming myself deeply.

To stuff myself by eating too much, and with heavy food, destroys the lovely connection I am building with myself. It’s a way of giving up and letting an energy rule me which is not loving, destroying the tender loving me that I am.

There is no joy in doing that, even if the food tastes nice. The energy does not feel nice in the body, either during or after eating.

And, even though over the last 6 years I have changed to a mostly carbohydrate, dairy, sugar, alcohol and caffeine-free diet, I still did not change my relationship with food. I still used food as a reward and to numb by over-eating – especially with nuts, nuts and nuts and salty food. So it has been a process of constantly feeling what my body is telling me.

I am becoming more aware of how my mind tricks me by dictating what, when and how much I can choose to eat. I can still fall for this instead of listening to my body. My body does indicate to me in a much stronger way now, more than ever before I started to listen.

I feel this is super-important to say all of this, as it is normal for us to abuse ourselves with drink or food. Most people do it.

But…. there is a different way to be!

So now, it’s about starting a new relationship with food and myself. It’s in the way I deal with food, in the way I prepare and eat it – and in what I choose to eat to actually nourish my body. Now, I can start to treat my body with love, preciousness and respect.

Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine


334 thoughts on “Starting a New Relationship with Food and Myself

  1. Janina what is being shared here is an appraisal of how we can abuse ourselves in the refutation of what is true. ‘To stuff myself by eating too much, and with heavy food, destroys the lovely connection I am building with myself. It’s a way of giving up and letting an energy rule me which is not loving, destroying the tender loving me that I am’. Many of us are choosing an energy that is constantly encouraging humanity to withdraw from life, this is how it gains control over us so that we stay in this swamp called creation rather than evolving ourselves up and out of the swamp. When we start to rebuild the connection you speak of then we have taken the first step to return to what we should never have left – our soul the one soul = God.

  2. All my life food was seen as a celebratory thing, a reward for the hard work we put into the day. It needed to be stimulating in one form or another, and it needed to leave us satisfied. My relationship also developed that in the preparation of food, it was arduous. The preparing, washing, and the spices, all needed to be the right quantity, crucial otherwise we were not considered as good cooks.

    Women were ranked higher if they cooked delicious tasty foods. And when you were the opposite, you were critiqued, with the judgment hitting your stomach.

    Now I’m developing a new relationship with food. It is far from perfect as the inheritance of the Indian culture still pollutes my thoughts of it needing to be a certain way. There are many ways to preparing, washing, and cooking foods. It’s also in the quality we shop in, but also being obedient to what the body is requesting too.

    We have much to learn about food and our relationship with it.

  3. You nailed this comment Elizabeth! And it can be further extrapolated to all areas in our life 😉 This is a comment worthy of being a quote and I will have to write it up and stick it on my fridge: “Our relationship with food is a direct reflection of the value, love and respect we have for our body.” Thank you Elizabeth!

  4. Interesting how we are very particular about the fuel we put in our car, and would never put the wrong fuel in as we know the consequences are super severe and expensive. But when it comes to our body we are quite ok with fueling ourselves with foods that do not suit or we are ok with over-filling the tank so to speak!

    1. This just goes to show that we take better care of our cars than we do of our bodies. A car is considered a commodity. We research to find the next suitable car. The make, model, colour, costs, financing etc. And yet, we pay less of that attention when it comes to our bodies, unless it breaks.

      Much to consider…

  5. Food psychology is certainly a very interesting topic to explore…from a very young age we are more often than not introduced to using food in response to emotions. For example getting a treat when we have achieved something and wanting to celebrate things. Or eating food when we feel depressed or down and the list goes on. I am not aware of animals abusing food in this same way…we are certainly unique in this aspect of things, which really should lead us to ponder more on how and why this happens.

    1. Henrietta I can remember being at school and learning the times table by rote if we managed to get through them all without a mistake, we could walk to the teachers desk and pick a sweet out of their sweet jar. Not only is this a form of bribery but as you say it encourages us to reward ourselves when we have achieved something. We are setup from the get go to be self abusive, so that we don’t get to feel just how amazing we are. Its impossible to feel amazing when we have sugar coursing through our veins which is a well known stimulant and a sure recipe for disconnection.

  6. Janina, thank you for your sharing – and what you have shared seems to be a universal experience for us all in terms of turning to food for comfort, for relief, to numb ourselves, to get stimulated etc etc. There are so many ways that we use food that fall outside of the nutrition and nourishment aspect.

  7. We pay more attention and respect to what fuel we put into our cars than we do our bodies and one example is white sugar, as in some articles it can be classified as a poison or maybe that is harsh but it does go by the name of white death! and it is now in so many foods as it is the first choice as a preservative, then we also use sugar in so many of the home cooked cakes and deserts to preserve them, we have to question the science that has given us white sugar?

  8. Janina you have inspired me to start a new relationship with food, what, when and how I eat, and how I prepare and present the food. I can see there are many changes I can make to bring more Love into everything around food in my life.

  9. Our relationship with food is just fascinating. Eating what we know doesn’t support our body, or even when not hungry, or more than we need – how do we explain these kinds of behaviour? These are very common, but hardly rational. Then again, there isn’t THE definitive way of eating by which we should be following. As you say, it is a relationship, and like any kind of relationship, before anything else, it starts with the one with ourselves.

  10. ‘ I was convinced that life was too much and that I couldn’t handle it.’ I know this feeling well but more and more I am realising that there is a way and that we are supported so much more than we give credit for.

  11. Thank you Elizabeth . This immediately puts me on notice as to how much more considerate and loving towards my body I could be and what a difference this could make in life.

  12. Janina this is a beautiful blog to read – I love your realisations about food choices and developing a deeper relationship with yourself –
    “No food in this world is more yummy than feeling delicious me!”

    1. I agree Stephanie when we take the first steps to building a deeper relationship with ourselves, then we allow ourselves to tentatively feel the effects food has on our body. Then we can observe the foods we consume that race our body so that there is no way we can stay in the connection to it. Alcohol is a great example, we all know it has a huge sugar content and when we drink alcohol we immediately shut down any communication our bodies can have with us. We also put a huge strain on the liver and kidneys as they have to deal with the poison we have just drunk. We have all seen those pictures of the liver of someone who consumes a lot of alcohol it is shot to pieces. There is so much research on the subject of food and alcohol we cannot say we are unaware and yet we still abuse ourselves with both? It just doesn’t make sense.

  13. A true relationship comes from us listening to our bodies and honouring what the body communicates when we eat certain foods. Not a free for all and just whatever we want as this just comes with a whole lot of numbing and potentially dangerous effects, and a lot of the time harmful ways of eating. Building that relationship with ourselves and food is such an important step for the quality of health and wellbeing.

  14. A great point Brendan, the obsession so many have with food has become a ‘normal’ and ‘accepted’ way of living, if we only ate what we needed I am sure we would see less cases of obesity and diabetes.

  15. When we build a loving relationship with our body it is far easier to feel when we are abusing it or nurturing it. There are times when I override this and overeat or eat foods that certainly don’t support me in my connection and it feels pretty yuk. I have found it is best not to beat myself up about it but to read into why I did that as it brings a deeper understanding to what lead me to make that choice.

  16. It certainly doesn’t make sense Doug, especially as we humans consider ourselves to be very intelligent. To me, caring for our bodies is more about common sense than intelligence, especially if we rely on the intelligence of the mind to guide us. But in absolute contrast if we acknowledge the intelligence of our body then we will be accessing everything we need to know about how to care for ourselves, and connecting to the knowing that our body is fragile and very breakable, if abused in any way.

  17. I changed my food choices about 15 years ago, removing gluten, dairy and sugar from my diet, which had amazing effects on my body, but the one thing that I was a lot slower to changes was my relationship with food; why I ate what I ate and why? It took a while to see that at times I was trying to feed my emotions and at others, to cure my tiredness; this was the missing piece of my eating puzzle. Once that puzzle is solved then our relationship with food is a more nurturing one, one that truly supports our beautiful body.

    1. Ingrid, I know that I eat food to dull my awareness of what is happening around me in technic colour vision so if I eat something to dull or race me I am using it as a form of protection to take the edge of what I cannot stop feeling. It’s such a worn out game because no amount of food, drugs or alcohol can dull the sound of the scream of humanity in the disconnection to their soul = God.

  18. That’s a great point, we would never ever put diesel in a petrol car, and if we did we’d immediately take it to a garage because we know the harm it would cause – yet we just don’t have the same level of care for our bodies.

  19. Our approach to food is a direct reflection as to what is going on in our lives and we cannot address our relationship with food without looking deeply into how we are living, what are we choosing, how we feel about ourselves, our relationships, every little detail counts.

  20. There is no doubt that when I allow myself to feel the tension in my body and express it if I feel to, there is not a force or the force is lessened to overeat or eat foods that do not support me. To allow myself to feel what is there to feel in each moment is key and supporting me in my refining, unfolding, relationship with food.

  21. The issue of food invites to ask very simple questions: what are we truly feeding? What does food in our life talks to in us? What are really choosing? Hence, what are we not choosing?

  22. When we start with the basis that: “No food in this world is more yummy than feeling delicious me!” then every diet book goes out of the window as naturally we will only choose foods which support, nurture and nourish this yummy feeling we have inside. The question then comes how much yumminess can we handle?

  23. There is a gnawing hunger that has nothing to do with what we can, cannot or will eat, it goes much deeper than that. It doesn’t go away either, we can only dull it and leave it for another time, day or occasion. It is an emptiness, the missing of oneself disguised as hunger pangs and not ever satisfied unless we learn to reconnect to our essence.

  24. It does matter when we overeat, as we can feel it in our bodies. When I just eat the right amount, I still feel light and present in my body, when I overeat, I feel a heaviness, and all my energy going on digesting this. And I sleep longer next day, or to be more exact, I struggle to get up at my usual time.

  25. “No food in this world is more yummy than feeling delicious me!” I love the truth in this sentence. When we stop numbing ourselves with the comfort foods, our bodies can speak louder and communicate with us what foods truly nourish and the foods that don’t.

  26. “No food in this world is more yummy than feeling delicious me!” I agree Janina and I have experienced this too. But some days, I find I resist feeling this amazing connection and I tend to sabotage it with food. When I do this, I am learning to observe and learn from my choices instead of beating myself up.

    1. I do this too, I resist feeling this amazing connection and then sabotage it with food. What I am learning when I do this is that I do not appreciate enough….there are many moments of confirmation, which are easy to appreciate, but also working on appreciating that which I take for granted, for example, that God’s breath flows through my body, and all that has been given to me for my learning and growth.

  27. ‘I was convinced that life was too much and that I couldn’t handle it.’ How many people will have this same idea and develop eating disorders, use excessive gaming, smoking, drinking alcohol or use drugs to ‘handle’ life. What on earth is happening with humanity?

    1. The part we have trouble handling is the very part that we have created – and in fact it is in our hearts that the way forth is spelled out in simple terms, we just have a bad habit of making complications when we forget to stay connected to our hearts. Then we don’t want to deal with the complications that we have created. Hmmm… something very strange with this game that we play….

  28. Awesome blog Janina, I can very much relate to everything you’ve shared. My relationship with food has changed so much in the past 5-6 years and I notice I am less reliant on food as a form of reward or addiction. I used to never miss a meal because I used to overeat to numb myself. Now, I tend to only eat when I am hungry and I am more careful with what I eat. Also I am more aware of what foods makes me feel tired and disconnected which supports me to make wiser food choice. Allowing myself to be honest about how I feel and by being open to be more aware is a great support to feeling more myself and feeling more connected.

  29. Slapping food on a plate or hurrying a meal does have an impact to the quality of the food we have eaten. Making time to honour each meal and the company of those present is one of the joys that is often down played during meal time.

  30. These days I eat very healthy food but at times overeat. On the occasions that I overeat it is symptom of how I have been during the day and therefore that is what I need to look at rather than try and control my eating. For example I might have allowed myself to get a bit stressed or react to something in the day and then find myself eating a bit much in the night. Better to look back and see what I can learn from the day’s events.

    1. Great sharing Nicola, this is super supportive to read as I sometimes scratch my head when it comes to food cravings and wonder why I would want to eat certain foods or why I have a tendency to over eat on certain days. Some days I only feel like eating one meal because I simply don’t feel hungry but then on other days I could feel like eating every meal plus snack in-between. So, I find it fascinating to observe and learn. Also, I find my relationship with food is very much related to the relationship I have with myself and others.

      1. Yes food is very related to everything that is going on and is more the symptom and not the cause, although eating in a harmful way is a bit chicken and egg as it makes it harder for us to be clear so then you have to wonder which came first.

      2. Of course which came first is always energy. So one question is what did we let in (eat energetically) that led to us eating it in other ways!

    2. Great sharing Nicola because most people will look at reducing their food or changing their food when the extra inches appears on the hips or waistline, but actually, as you point out, it is about looking at how we have been during the day to why the weight piles on. Were we in drive mode, or feeling stressed or that we didn’t fully express to someone, which can leave an after taste of agitation….and then we reach for food for reward and/or to dull. Sleep or rather lack of quality sleep I have also found impacts my food choices – indeed everything counts.

    3. True, our food intake is a mere symptom of something that has happened before; and thus, using willpower is not going to do the job. If anything, it’ll confuse the issue.

      1. I agree and that’s a great point – so often we can willfully stop ourselves eating something only to find ourselevs later stressed out or having an argument – so the question begs is it really the food that is the issue or something else which led us to wanting the food?

  31. The relationship we have with food is always changing and evolving, it takes a lot of honesty to review our foods regularly and to feel if they support our connection or dull our connection.

    1. So true Anna, and I find that sometimes I already can feel a food no longer supports me, but I hold onto it a little bit longer, but actually what am I holding onto is comfort – ouch!

  32. It’s interesting how so many of us think we deserve a reward for living life, and accept a ‘reward’ even if it may be actually harming us. So, who is rewarding who? I used to think allowing myself to eat and drink whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted was ‘loving myself’ based on the relationship I was having with myself at the time. As we deepen our relationship with ourselves, what we choose for ourselves keeps changing.

  33. “No food in this world is more yummy than feeling delicious me!” How often do I stop to appreciate the deliciousness that I am? No where near enough. It makes sense that we might seek that feeling from the exquisite taste of some foods and then use foods to get that feel good factor that is missing when we are not connected to ourselves. The feeling is not the same and we know it but we like to live in the illusion that it is so we even use food to induce mind altering experiences – mind altering experiences that last for a while and then leave us and the body worse for wear.

  34. “No food in this world is more yummy than feeling delicious me!” – such an important reminder and great when it comes to looking at and addressing our food choices. Seeing food as a way to support the body to sustain living love rather than to get something from it starts to change the way we view it. There is also no right or wrong diet rather eating to support support our bodies is key which is a continuing evolutionary process.

    1. I agree James, that there is no wrong or right diet because when we eat in a way that nurtures and nourish our body, every part of us feels amazing and our body will thank us for it too.

      1. I find the moment we subscribe to any diet even a so called ‘healthy’ one and by doing so copy others we are not listening to our body and paying attention to what it needs. For me this is a constant evolutionary and refining process, seeing when I need certain foods and when I do not. It also takes the ‘I can’t’ or ‘shouldn’t eat that’ out of the picture which can be so very destructive.

  35. We all know that the physicality of our body requires food to fuel it but the nourishment we get from taking care of ourselves in the way that we sleep, move throughout our day and love and interact with each other is also a source of nourishment and sustenance for us.

  36. Cooking a yummy food is something in itself. Yet, it is different when it is the only yummy thing in town, compared when you feel yummy too. In the latter case, it confirms and feeds the quality you are in.

  37. ‘And, even though over the last 6 years I have changed to a mostly carbohydrate, dairy, sugar, alcohol and caffeine-free diet, I still did not change my relationship with food’. This is gold because I can relate. I have made all the same changes as you Janine but just realised in reading the above that I too have not changed my relationship with food. Feels time to revisit and explore what is my relationship with food?

  38. I had not made the connection between stuffing ourselves with food and eating the wrong foods with commitment to life and the ‘giving up’ energy…. currently I am focusing on deepening my commitment to life.

    1. This is very interesting what you’ve shared. I notice it is how we feel that often affects how we choose to eat. Is it possible that when we have an issue with certain foods, like an addiction of some sort, the issues aren’t necessarily just about food, they could to be related to things in our life?

  39. I have an old time habit of eating my food to quickly, and have been aware of it for some time, yet still I continue…. not all the time but still too much. Key for me is being consciously present during eating because my body is too sensitive and delicate to be abusing it this way, and actually abuse feels true. Time to re-imprint this to honour my wise and intelligent body.

  40. It is so interesting what we think that self-abuse is and we come to find that it can be in the smallest details in those areas where you would have not sought it, yet found it as you increase your awareness of the quality of your connection. Forget the right or wrong ways, as they only block us from truly seeing what is there, what is ready for us to change and how dear love is to us. No longer will we allow (self)abuse in our lives and world when we get stronger and stronger..

  41. This blog is so relative to any time I use food to numb myself . . . no matter how little I eat during the day . . . even if I do not eat . . . when I do have a meal in the evening I can still overeat and use the very best of foods to numb myself. It just goes to show everything is about the energy you do anything in.

  42. This sharing is so relatable. If I look at my diet – it has changed massively, but how I use food has not. Ie I still overeat or try and eat not great stuff when I am feeling not great. So certainly I am on the same journey of developing a relationship with food that is truly loving and supportive.

  43. “No food in this world is more yummy than feeling delicious me!” A simple and powerful awareness of your own inner beauty and preciousness.

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