by Rosie Bason, Mullumbimby, NSW
I used to hear the word abuse and what came to my mind was someone getting beaten up or bashed.
To me the word abuse looked like a physical blow to the body by someone else, or the verbal abuse when someone was being spoken to like a piece of…
What I had not ever seen was that abuse in the body can mean so much more, and that it can be done by me, to myself. I wasn’t even aware that I was being abusive… self-abusing, that is!
Here are Some of the Ways that I have Noticed How I was Being Self-Abusing:
- The way I spoke to myself, the voice in me always critical and hard.
- The way I dressed, just throwing any old clothes on, and wearing clothes that were uncomfortable all day long, as if I didn’t think I had the choice to change what I was wearing. I would often get dressed and then think, “no, I can’t wear that, that’s too pretty” and just put my jeans back on.
- The way I would throw myself into the seat of the car, just shoving myself in.
- How I would do the same when going to bed, just chuck myself in, without any care whatsoever.
- How I would eat foods that I knew my body would react to, and I knew that they weren’t good for me, but I would eat them anyway without any consideration of the reaction I would experience shortly after. I did not stop to feel if I was actually hungry, or if I really felt like eating a particular food. I would just eat it.
- The way that I would move, without any real awareness, meaning that I would often bump my body into the wall, the chair, and end up with bruises.
- How I would drink 2 glasses of wine and then vomit all night. My body could not handle the alcohol but I would do it anyway.
- If I was in pain I used to suffer through it, not take pain killers and not take myself to the doctor because I was a herbalist and therefore thought that I didn’t need any support!
- How I hadn’t been to the dentist in years because I didn’t think I needed to and didn’t want to WASTE the money on ME.
Things have changed these days and I am so much more aware. I have started to really love and cherish this body that I am living with. I take care when I am getting dressed, I gently get into the car, and when I go to bed at night I prepare my bed and put myself to sleep as if I was putting a child to sleep.
My Perception of Going to the Doctor has Changed
Going to the doctor and/or dentist no longer leaves me feeling like a failure having asked for their support. It feels great as it makes me realise that I am not all alone. In the past, I was so held in my beliefs that I was a herbalist and therefore doctors were the bad guys and I would prefer to suffer and be in pain rather than seek their support. I felt that natural medicine was the only way to go and that doctors were only into prescribing the drugs regardless if it helped you or not. I was in a strong belief that doctors only treated the effect and not the cause so I did not trust them. Since I have opened up and allowed myself to feel the support of the medical world I have had awesome experiences and realised the belief I once held about the medical profession is not true.
I no Longer Need the Stimulation from Unhealthy Food like I Used to
My diet has changed and I no longer eat dairy, gluten, deep-fried food or much processed foods because I have a connection now with my body that I was never aware of in the past. I sometimes want something sweet so I have a gluten and dairy free pancake or a piece of cake. For me it’s not about trying to be ‘good’ or having a strict diet. For me it’s about honoring what my body is feeling at any certain time. If I do crave something sweet, I can normally see that it is because I am tired and wanting a pick-me-up. When I do eat something sweet the results are so obvious now that I’d rather not get the consequence of feeling tired, bloated, grumpy, or feel the pain in my stomach just for those few moments where the food tasted good when I put it in my mouth.
I no longer bump into things, and I have started exercising regularly. I realised recently that although I was not overweight, I had very little core body strength. My body is loving the daily exercise routine and I always feel so great afterwards. My mind tries to get in the way, telling me that my bed is warmer and I could just lay there… but when I make the effort for me and my body the results are so much better than lying in bed! I can really feel that taking time to exercise my body is a really loving choice, and the choice to stay in bed and not move my body is just another way that I can be self-abusive.
I no longer need to drink alcohol or smoke because I am now looking after myself on a whole different level and no longer need these things to get by through the day – I feel great without it and I have absolutely no desire. I don’t feel like I am missing out at all.
I get regular esoteric massages, esoteric Chakra Puncture and I get support from doctors and dentists to ensure that I am taking the best care possible for me.
I used to think that abuse only came from others, but I now take responsibility for the abuse that I was doing to myself: that hidden self-abusing that I was unaware of for so long.
I have been inspired to this new level of care for myself by the Esoteric Women’s presentations, Natalie Benhayon and Serge Benhayon of Universal Medicine present.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
I love how when I read a blog again, it’s a message for what my body is going through in that moment. So you get to a point and things have refined, but there is more the body is asking for me to observe to support it even further.
So definitely agree with the title, “self-abusing – not what you think it is”, is so correct and needs to be revisited time and time again. So thank you, I have just received another awareness about myself.
This is an interesting piece of article to read. You are correct in saying abuse is the domestic violence we commonly hear about and yet its still an issue despite countless campaigns to squash or reduce it.
The abuse you’re talking about is subtle but deadly, as it leads to abuse of us living a life from the gentle loving souls we are all from. Anything away from who we truly are is abuse, full stop. What you have demonstrated here is that it is never too late to go back to being who we truly are and it simply begins with lovingly taking care of ourselves, and there are a few examples listed in your article.
It doesn’t matter how and what it looks like but the main thing is that taking the first step towards staying NO to self abuse is just it. It doesn’t have to look in a certain way, it is very personal.
This needs to hit the headlines more and more. We highlight domestic violence but not the abuse we do to ourselves. From anything we put into our bodies, whether it’s a substance we ingest, to the thoughts we feed ourselves, it’s abuse. This stems from the supplier but also the demander. It is that insidious…
Great to read this again Rosie, and for me to feel where more self love and self care is missing in different areas of my life. So much of life now is based on self abuse, we don’t question it because it’s pretty widespread and we see it as normal. I appreciate your blog on this as it’s a great topic and very practical. To be honest I could be coasting a bit because based on how my life is now in terms of self love and self care to the self abuse and self neglect I used to live it’s pretty good, but your blog has shown me there is actually much more love to live.
I agree Melinda from time to time it’s good to refer to this blog. It allows us to check in as to where we are in the self-abuse scale. As we pay more attention to it, it becomes more and more refined. And what we thought was the norm, becomes more apparent the abuse we allowed in, in the first place or has been normalised.
Shushila it occurred to me that we have standardised abuse as our normal, and we have had to fight our sensitivity, the connection to our body, and our awareness to do this… so we must ask the question, why? In self neglect and self abuse we have to live against the very harmony of our bodies, and force our sensitivity down to not register it, and abuse of the very vessel that gives us physical life. As babies we are not self abusive intentionally, in fact we cry when we bump or hurt ourselves. For me it wasn’t until I understood the difference between spirit and soul and how we source ourselves from one of the two available intelligences that I could see how and why I used to live in such self abuse and self neglect, and conversely how naturally loving life can become when I’m in connection to soul.
Looking after ourselves is so important – from the little things of putting on an extra layer if we are cold, and having a drink if we are thirsty or going to the toilet if we need to wee etc to the bigger things such as seeking medical care when we are unwell or going regularly to the dentist to ensure our dental health is good too. This self care is part of the foundation of loving ourselves and the body and is a large part of what supports us to build on what is called self love, the foundation for saying no to abuse.
The medical profession certainly has so much to offer us and it is about being open to what support can come from them just as much as how much support can come from complementary medicine too. The combination is super powerful!
Awesome blog Rosie, that really exposes how we can be the greatest instigators of abuse towards ourselves, And in that process, the more we abuse ourselves the more we give permission for others to get away with behaviour that is not appropriate towards us too. The opposite sits true to, that when we up the standards for ourselves, then we also stop allowing others to abuse us in the same way.
It is great you show some of the ways we can abuse ourselves, as we build love for ourselves and deepen our awareness we can choose to let go of the abuse, ‘I used to think that abuse only came from others, but I now take responsibility for the abuse that I was doing to myself: that hidden self-abusing that I was unaware of for so long.’
The way you have shared Rosie, it feels like the KISS principle and deepening the KISS with internal hugs of Joy as we no longer succumb to external pressures that allow us fit into other disregarding patterns. So KEEP INVESTING IN SUPPORTIVE SOUL-FULL-NESS!
What I can feel from this is how honesty and humility play a big part in bringing more awareness to our choices. I used to be so stubborn and justify my choices and I think I even used to think being defensive was about protecting and sticking up for myself. Weird.
By consistently taking care of ourselves we become more careful and the bumping into things and leaving things in a mess becomes less common, our standards change and if we stay true to ourselves we just keep refining the way we move and speak and everything. Life becomes simpler and lighter and more spacious
The more I deepened my relationship with honouring and cherishing my body and being the more revealing it was of how and where I was abusing myself, with thoughts, how I moved and what I ate. In appreciating the love we are in essence you get to feel what is not honouring of this love and how disturbing and tense this feels in the body.
Well said Carola, when we care for ourselves it highlights those areas where we do not look after ourselves which essentially is a form of abuse.
My awareness of the detail of abuse expands as I let go of more of what does not serve and honour my relationship with myself and others,
It is so true Jenny and I can absolutely relate – as the more I get to feel the depth and honoring of all that is love the more it is obvious that anything that is not of this love is abuse.
This is a great point Rosie on how we abuse ourselves through neglect, “How I hadn’t been to the dentist in years because I didn’t think I needed to and didn’t want to WASTE the money on ME.” I feel this one is generational, we love and support our kids never skimping on their care for example, but we self sacrifice putting their worth ahead of our own and going without care ourselves. I see this over and over in generations in both men and women, yes we feel we love our kids but essentially we teach our kids through role modelling to not value themselves as adults and the cycle repeats through generations. We put our kids before ourselves instead of caring for the whole family (including ourselves) equally.
Yes, if we abuse ourselves, how can we say ‘no’ to abuse from another? ‘What I had not ever seen was that abuse in the body can mean so much more, and that it can be done by me, to myself. I wasn’t even aware that I was being abusive… self-abusing, that is!’
You have nailed it Melinda – the picture of the self sacrificing mother who gives up on herself to look after others only achieves in confirming to the children that we are not worth looking after and that we are there only to look after others. How different would it be to have a mother who looked after herself just as much as she looked after her children and rest of the family? How much more inspiring would this be?
We have an amazing capacity to come up with different ways to abuse our bodies and even though I am much more self loving than I used to be I am still uncovering ways that I treat myself that I deeply know are not loving such as driving myself to complete something when I am tired etc it never goes well as the tireder I become the harder it is to keep working and the more likely I am to make mistakes but I can be very resistant to recognising the consequences for myself and others until they are staring me in the face.
If anything other than love is abuse, we need to deeply understand and feel what love actually is before we can truly expose the full extent of the abuse. The two go hand-in-hand, but I still have much more to see.
I know the more I am open to seeing abuse, either towards myself or from others I am exposed to seeing abuse in all the various ways it plays out – the subtle and the not so subtle abuse.
Self-abuse is a constant pattern of movement aimed at controlling that no spark of light will ever be able to come out and be seen.
To be content of where you are at with yourself is a game changer for the abusive thoughts we can go into, this inner crtic voice that will never stop if we are not willing to see it as abuse and to say no and start to apply selflove instead.
Yes self acceptance is key to stilling the inner critic that is always ready to try and drag you down and the more we do this the more open we are to loving ourselves and not entertaining any abuse.
Rosie, it was great you touched on lying in bed. I love sleeping in especially if it is cold however, when I do it does not setup my day in what my responsibilities are asking each day. I then get behind — I now have many things that should of been completed to support me and others. This is abuse.
Hardness can be so apparent in our voices if we just choose to start to listen.
Hardness can be so apparent in our voices if we just choose to start to listen
There is an immense amount to be learnt about what abuse is, including self-abuse, and the first step is honesty. The work of Serge Benhayon offers great insights into self-love and I’ve found that work has highlighted by own self-abuse whether it is the way I talk to myself, see myself, what I eat, and how I exercise. Its been a fantastic path to start exposing the abuse, and then change it to care, and love.
I find it very interesting what we think supports us actually is abusive and I could say this relates to us all at some stage as what once supported us can become harmful and abusive as our sensitivity increases.This may not make sense to most but take alcohol for an example. I once drank alcohol. I gave it up and then drank lemonade. Now I’m not saying that lemonade was any better for me than the alcohol with the amount of sugar that is needed to make lemonade but it was a step taken to support me to stop drinking alcohol. I then stopped the lemonade and felt content drinking water. In the refining we get to sense what works for us and what doesn’t and this is a process that keeps evolving.
Rosie I know exactly what you mean when you said because you were a herbalist you thought you could avoid the doctor. I was the same as well. Herbs are amazing, however they do not replace the care of a doctor when we are sick. I have gotten to know quite a few doctors in my current role, and what blows me away is there dedication and commitment to their patients. Something I really did not appreciate when I was younger (by not that much).
So often we think of abuse as what another is doing or has done to us that we forget it starts with ourselves, then the more we honour ourselves and treat ourselves with the love we are the more, without thought, we stop any sense or notion of abuse not only from ourselves but also from others. It is like there becomes no space for it in our lives any more. It is then a choice we make to let it come back, even if we do not really want to admit it – we are usually getting something out of it.
Great expose on the true way we self-abuse. By starting with this understanding we can look at self-care in a whole new way.
What a great reminder of the many subtle, as well as the not so subtle, ways that we abuse ourselves. In fact, I would suspect many would not even consider some of the ways on your list to be abuse. This only goes to show how much abuse we have come to accept in our lives as normal; there is nothing normal about any form of abuse.
I agree Ingrid, I was thinking about how self abuse is not just normal it is our entertainment. Going out drinking alcohol til you are sick, maybe having sex with a stranger because you’re so drunk, vomiting and being ill the next day, having memory loss, some may even get hospitalised from alcohol poisoning, etc, this is not just our norm but considered fun. Self abuse is deeply socialised. I used to drink and go out with friends as a teen and in my early 20’s, it was just so normal, it wasn’t until I came across the self care philosophy of Serge Benhayon and the deep honouring of the body and our being, and the preciousness of both, that these kinds of things really stood out as abuse.
I found myself squirming when I read your summary of the self-abuse that so many of us have inflicted on ourselves in the name of having fun. Looking back now that was definitely not fun, as I know it to be today, but the abuse of our very precious bodies with no consideration in the least as to the consequences, and if there were consequences, many were quickly forgotten by the time the next weekend came around. Like you, my eyes have been opened wide to the truth of the extent of how much we abuse ourselves thanks to the very wise and common sense filled ‘self care philosophy of Serge Benhayon’.
A very relatable blog Rosie – I sure have done a lot of these – not wasting my money on the dentist was a big one… I really had this whole thing about putting people first – but at the expense of running myself to the ground. It’s pretty exhausting and great to share the journey back to you and more love.
It’s impossible to know how abusive we are being to ourselves when we are disconnected from the love that we innately are.
It sure is, I have found it is only when I connect more and more to the love I am that I start to see all the areas in my life I am being abusive to myself. Things I used to think were ok and normal when I use love as my gauge are far from ok. The question now comes what standard do I want set as my basis?
If our movements are aligned to love we would never allow or accept abuse in any way, shape or form.
Very true and well said – it really is this simple.
This list is so great to read and a timely reminder for us all to read.
Being aware of how we are with ourself, and developing this has a ripple effect out to all others; how we are with those whom we know and meet and the reflection or role model that we offer to all who come into contact with us and this to me shows how self-abuse or self-care isn’t just about self – there is always a bigger picture to connect back to.
Absolutely. I was thinking back to my teen years and how I lived and I forgave myself for some really reckless behaviour because at the time, I was doing what those around me were doing, I was doing what my role models were. With this realisation, I have even more appreciation of my role models today and how I am now one of those role models that is making a difference in the world.
Yes Fiona I agree, it is not selfish to self-care and self-love when we know our purpose in the world. The more aware I become of the bigger picture, the more aware I am of my responsibility in the world and the more aware I am of self, the more I see it, let it go and re-imprint my movements with love.
My biggest (self-)abuse is judging and putting myself under a lot of pressure to ‘evolve’ and get rid of non loving patterns. Of course with putting this on myself I do this to others as well. Since a couple of months something has shifted, also because of the more consistent appreciation of myself and I am starting to feel the effects of the healing and freedom space offers.
The pressure we put ourselves under to evolve, to be better or to reach a goal all come from pictures that we have and not just appreciating where we are at. It is great when we can let that go and just be totally content with where we are at rather than trying to be ahead of ourselves.
Great blog Rosie that alerts us to the depth that abuse can occur in our daily life so we don’t dismiss them.
‘I used to think that abuse only came from others, but I now take responsibility for the abuse that I was doing to myself: that hidden self-abusing that I was unaware of for so long. ‘ So true Rosie.
We have an ongoing close relationship with abuse and an understanding of what abuse is all about that may not coincide with other ones’ understanding. In spite of this, abuse starts always at home with going after ourselves in one way or another.
It’s important to address self abuse for many reasons, the obvious one being that it means better health and wellbeing for our body, but also that it offers us an opportunity to replace the abuse with self love and enjoy how that feels everyday. It’s a whole different way to live. At times for me it can be hard to see and feel those pockets of self neglect and self abuse that still exist in my life, but if I approach it with understanding, don’t make too much of a fuss about it, and get on with enjoying how great it feels to now choose love instead the process of making changes is easier.
Life is not meant to be a struggle, and the self abuse goes along with that and the lack of worthiness. Its an old pattern that really has to be addressed so that we don’t get bogged down by it…because there really is a much better way to live.
Yes we can call in abuse to our lives to make it harder than it needs to be – so being honest with this and knowing that we can choose to not be in any abuse rather than to accept it into our lives.
This is great Rosie. As the reader what is clear is that there is always going to be more love that I can bring to my every movement as even when the obvious abuse has been addressed there is always more subtler levels to challenge us to go deeper with our love.
I agree Kathleen, and am becoming more and more aware of my movements and the ripple effect that they have, not just for myself but for others too.
A beautiful choice from self-abuse to self-love.
This brings to light the trick of how we keep ourselves less. Even today I had a situation where I felt really sad – and so I ate something not great. And i could feel the level of self-sabotage that came with this. It was afwul. We are so aware of why we do things, and the fact is we can continue to love and nurture our bodies to a point where abuse is not even part of us.
I can totally understand and relate because when I get to that point, there is no control really, I just want to stuff my face and I know why I am doing it, how I will feel and I don’t care anymore.
Aren’t we lucky that we can keep on adjusting and fine tuning. Some like to polish and care for their cars, I am enjoying doing this with my body.
Rosie i love the way you expose the subtle self-abusing ways that we think are not abusing [because they’re not extreme or violent for example], and that we would never ever say we were abusing ourselves…. but the thing is, is that if we are self-abusing, then that abusing quality is going to be there, unconsciously present when we’re with others too, and so in that way although a hard pill to swallow, we are using abuse with others.
I agree cause if we are this way with ourselves, it will also be there no matter how nice we are on the surface with others.
Rosie, this really feels very lovely, rather than just reserve this tender care for children, it is beautiful to treat our adult selves in this way too; ‘I gently get into the car, and when I go to bed at night I prepare my bed and put myself to sleep as if I was putting a child to sleep.’
And how do we talk to ourselves when we get it wrong.. I think there is a lot that we can be aware of and speak a lot kinder to ourselves rather than beat ourselves up when we make a mistake.
Great call Rosie in that when we talk or discuss abuse we think it comes from others and completely overlook all the ways we abuse ourselves throughout the day .. everyday!
So much easier to point the finger than look at our self at times.
Another way of self abuse is not going to the toilet when we feel the impulse to go, Sometimes in the morning I lay in my bed and feel I got to go pee but I do not as my bed is warm and I don’t want to step out. Nowadays I am aware what I am doing to my body when I refuse to follow the signals of my body and when I start my day already in self abuse it is likely my movements will confirm this instead of the loveliness of my body.
Thank you Annnelies, and excuse me while I go to the loo!
“I used to think that abuse only came from others” – self abuse and self loathing can have a huge impact on our life that, if we choose not to see it, can make us feel impossibly lost ‘without reason’ because we can’t associate it with a physical punch.
Yes sometimes the physical punch is just so much easier to see and feel and deal with, where as when it is is hidden, it is easier to ignore it.
I have had my fair share of abuse from others this life but the thing that hurts much more than anything is the harm you cause yourself. There is a part of us that seemingly doesn’t care and a part that knows that we are far grander than we act.
I think that we always care if we are connected to ourselves… the problem is, well for me it is this way…. is when I lose my connection to me, when I harden to life or don’t allow myself to feel what is going on….. that is when I go into the I don’t care about myself or my choices. And from there its a downward slide.
Self abuse comes in all sorts of flavours and it does not matter which flavour we use it is still self abuse. We can easily tell ourselves that something is good for us but the only true marker as to whether it is or is not is our beautiful and loyal body.
I am starting to feel that even judging myself or another is a form of abuse, because there is no understanding or acceptance in that and it can hurt.
I can so relate to what you say here about wasting money on yourself.. I used to feel exactly the same, and then went completely the other way – on a big splurge to make up for everything I hadn’t bought myself that I’d needed – and now coming to somewhere in between; spending money on myself to keep everything not just basically functioning but lovingly cared for, nothing more and nothing less.
I still at times find myself over shopping, as in shopping too much, and then justifying it all. I also have to question myself as to why I need such and such because I know there are times when I use food and then there are times when I use shopping to try and not feel, or as a distraction to whatever is going on.
My understanding of abuse has also greatly shifted. I too used to believe it just meant physical contact. But now I see abuse almost everywhere all of the time and it reminds me why I was so comfortable believing it was isolated to just physical abuse. The world is thick with abuse, from corruption to advertising to emotional, to our self esteem, or lack there of. The world is not all bad of course, but bringing attention to the reasons why our world is not where it could be is a step toward undestanding how we can change things, and it always starts with our relationship with ourselves.
Yes I feel that if we are not aware of all the layers, styles and ways of abuse, then there is no way that we can change them. Also if we aren’t aware, we can’t understand why another may be abusive too.
We may sometimes look outside ourselves and see the abuse that occurs in the world but if we look a our own lives with honesty we begin to connect and feel the different pockets of abuse that we in turn inflict upon ourselves. The more we appreciate how much our movements in responsibility shift our lives as a whole we then become aware of the other smaller and more tricky pockets of abuse that we allow to seep in. Once we begin to plug the holes of abuse within our own lives we begin to see the world with a greater understanding and honesty of how and why things happen and how our responsibility to move and express in certain ways can actually affect the world as a whole too.
‘That hidden self abuse’ that is no longer hidden the moment when we choose to feel the consequences to what we are doing with our body. I still can choose to not be aware but in the end my body will be very clear in its message so I can no longer ignore and my level of self care needs adjusting to what I feel and honour the preciousness of my body.
I can easily relate to your list of self-abusing ways Rosie, as most of them were mine too, except I didn’t vomit after drinking two glasses of wine, my nose would start running and wouldn’t stop. Regularly I would wake up in the morning feeling totally miserable with the floor next to my bed covered in tissues. I knew there was a problem but that’s as far as I got as I didn’t want to give up drinking, convincing myself that it was just that particular brand of wine and next time it mightn’t happen. What a huge illusion I created to not stop doing something that was obviously harming me; where’s the common sense in that? Not for one minute did I consider that treating my body this way, and repeatedly ignoring its messages, to be self-abuse – but it is and that we cannot deny forever without serious consequences to our precious bodies.
Ha, you have reminded me of how I used to just eat foods that would contribute more to my sinus problems… and instead of realising I had an issue with the food I was choosing, I just blamed it on my sinuses! It is so important to figure out the cause and not just the effect.
The more I self-care the more refined ‘abuse’ is. Like yesterday I knew something was disturbing me as I was eating green bean chips (dried, salted green beans) – a ‘healthy’ snack but I still felt like something wasn’t being addressed!
I can get quite into salty snacks, even so called healthy ones, but they are not really healthy for me as I have noticed that when I do eat them, I feel quite crappy and reactive after.
Thank you Rosie for these clear markers and reminders of where self-bashing can so easily be part of our day and cause inner tension and self inflicted discomfort. Once the awareness is in the body, it is easier to catch them and change the movement.
In the past I would think there would be person who would ‘just be’ abusive towards others and I never really gave it much more of a thought but since attending Universal Medicine’s courses I have become much more aware of the fact that abuse starts with ourselves in the most subtle levels like you have explained so well Rosie. We complain about the obvious but don’t consider talking ourselves down is a problem even though it is and it is the one we can easily start with.
When we start with how we talk to ourselves, we then can get to the point where we won’t allow it from others. We have to be aware of it in the first place and for years I wasn’t.
There are many subtle layers to self-abuse = it’s basically anything that is not done in truth and in response to our evolution.
‘…and wearing clothes that were uncomfortable all day long, as if I didn’t think I had the choice to change what I was wearing.’ I had to laugh as I know this one so well, it goes from wearing uncomfortable clothes to clothes that were not comfortable for the type of weather and also to wearing shoes that were to small and made my feet very painful and although I felt this I made the way I looked more important than how my body felt. Nowadays when I become aware of one of these i change my clothes and or shoes, or put on an extra layer to keep me warm.
Yes I know this well, and yesterday when putting my shoes on, I felt the smallest bit of stone or grit in my shoe. In the past I would of just carried on regardless and hoped it would move as I started walking, but yesterday I did the laces, cleaned out the shoe and put it on clean and comfortable. It felt so lovely to do something so simple for myself purely because I know how many times I have just over ridden my own needs or comfort.
This is something that recently came to my awareness as well Rosie, that is how do I abuse myself. And it might not be massive things but what I realised was not honouring what I feel or loving me is abuse. Is me abusing me.
We are our worst abusers! We need to really stop the way we speak to ourselves and the way we can at times put ourselves at the bottom of the list. Or at least I know I need to!
The more I truly love myself and embody that, the less likely I will choose that for myself and therefore, the less abuse I receive from others.
I too used to abuse my body, but at the time thought I was being healthy, I would exercise regularly, but to extreme levels, and totally disregarding how my body felt, thinking more was better. My body was wise, and after many years of ignoring and over riding its many messages I now have to listen to it, which is a blessing in disguise. In fact I love how my body feels when I fully honour and respect it.
We are ever evolving back to who we truly are, and so these loving steps you brought into your life back in 2013 have I suspect evolved even further now.
You are so right! They were just the beginning!
Like so many other things, Universal Medicine has redefined abuse for me and as a result I’ve changed my relationship with it too. Now I know it’s not only something extreme, happening ‘over there’ to ‘someone else’, it’s something I’ve done, 100 and 1000s of times in my daily life to myself and others, simply because I’d normalised it and not seen it for what it was.
It is very important to look at what we have ‘normalized’ as it is in this area that so much goes under the radar and can be really damaging to ourselves and others, with no awareness at all.
We can be really self-critical and berate ourselves over many things, from eating things we know don’t support us to criticising ourselves in front of the mirror, and what we are doing is actually self-abusing ourselves. Abuse comes in many forms and there is no need to self-abuse or abuse another, therefore we need to change the patterns we have that make us self-critical.
The more self critical we are, the more we will critique another. So if we catch ourselves doing that, we know there is still more to appreciate and accept rather than pull apart and abuse.
Every moment of not treating ourselves as the tender and precious beings that we are can be called self-abuse.
I also have esoteric massages and Esoteric Chakra Puncture. I just had a chakra puncture session at the week-end which released an old and deeply ingrained configuration in my body. I had felt my abdomen really tight and tense for a whole day, and I could feel something was definitely bubbling to the surface to be cleared. I always find esoteric chakra puncture an amazing modality to clear old energetic imprints that get stuck in our body, and afterwards my abdomen was able to relax again.
I was away for the week-end, and decided to visit a favourite place I used to eat at and knew they would still have my favourite raw choc chia cake (gluten, diary and sugar free) which of course I had to taste while I was there, right? Immediately afterwards I felt irritated and was left feeling I wanted more. And I did suffer much later. In the wee hours of the morning my left calf had super painful cramps and no surprise really because every time I eat ‘sweet’ now even if it is ‘free from’, I always get cramps. So for me it is really simple, my body is telling me loud and clear that it no longer needs this.
Yes, I know the feeling.. when I eat certain foods I get really blocked up in my nose and bloated in my tummy and its not nice!
Beliefs and ideals are abusive in themselves because holding on to them more than not aligns you to a reflection that will confirm why you should keep them. There is so much freedom to truly feel what is supportive for the body once we drop the beliefs and ideals that have got in the way.
I used to have this thing about not taking any tablets, so I too used to suffer through headaches, feeling I was showing how tough and brave I was. Not any more. Even though I don’t often get headaches, I have some painkillers in my bag just in case.
I had to laugh at myself as I read your comment and remembered how solid and adamant I was about not taking medication, as I had this belief it was bad for you…. yet I thought drinking alcohol was okay! How wrong was I. I love the support that medicine can bring these days as I am proud to say I haven’t had a drop of alcohol for over 7 years now.
That’s so funny Rosie, I was exactly the same. My friend use to call this way of being the ‘hippycrit’. It just shows you that lies have their own truth they guard over, which is totally void of true truth.
Isn’t it interesting how we choose to join up in a sense, or be part of a group that has similar thinking, and then we feel that it is okay because others are doing it or believe it but more often than not we don’t really question it. So we become part of the lie and we live it blindly.
Absolutely, comfort is a very attractive energy many of us fall for.
The more love we allow in our bodies, the more we feel the subtlety of what abuse is.
And what I was once numb to, now stands out so clearly its like there is an elephant in the room.
I hear that one Rosie, especially when the last ruminates are at the surface for us to feel and clear.
So very true Kim. For a long time I could not feel the abuse I was doing to my body, but these days my body speaks loud and clearly when I go into this old habit, and I do listen. Always a work in progress.
Great blog. When we look at how we abuse ourselves and if we choose to make the change to be more loving and caring with ourselves, it’s unlikely that we would allow any abuse from others. We are the ones who set the tone for how we are to be treated.
‘I used to think that abuse only came from others, but I now take responsibility for the abuse that I was doing to myself: that hidden self-abusing that I was unaware of for so long’ – it is so easy to disregard ourselves and allow behaviours that we would never impose on another person. This is beautifully articulated Rosalie and I know I could certainly identify with allowing most of these disregarding ways in the past. Today, through being more loving in my relationship with myself everything has changed and as I type these few words I am celebrating the clarity, ease, harmony and stillness that is now an innate part of the way I live.
I’ve noticed how the more I care for myself the more I feel what is abusive, such as having ugly thoughts about another or myself, or my tone of voice or even how I walk can be self-abusive. It can appear strange or extreme to others but it feels normal in my body to claim that these everyday movements can be abusive our loving and abuse is not limited to violence or substance abuse.
Totally, that is it… we need to be aware of the abuse, no matter how small or irrelevant it is… because abuse is abuse no matter what size it is and it has an effect regardless.
Agreed, and not making it any less because someone else might be doing something 10 times more abusive. It is all relevant to where we are in our awareness and our relationship with our bodies.
Yes there is no need to compare because we are all at own level of awareness and what is harming to one may not affect another at that is fine, as it is just where they are at.
It is good to stop and see what we have accepted as normal or as our fate in relation to treatment of ourselves. Sometimes it takes seeing someone else living life in a vital love filled way to remind us of how life is supposed to be.
I have often seen someone living life in full and loving it and reacted to them, been jealous of them but now I see it as a great reflection, a reminder that I can have that too and perhaps I just haven’t been making the choices that will lead that way. I also think to myself, well if they can do it, so can I…. and ask myself, okay what next then?
This is so true Rosie – we can even make self abuse look appealing – look at how fit this body is, look at how ‘good’ or generous or benevolent I can be, look at how much I can do etc. etc. etc.
We can hide our self abuse from others, and even deny it to ourselves – but the truth is that any time we go against what our body is communicating to us, we are in abuse, and our body will ultimately show us this.
Ah I love your response Kylie, because you have just hit the nail on the head for another way that I self abuse….. look at how much I can do!!! BANG! Love when another thing gets brought to my attention. I mean, I already know it.. but yes, I needed to be reminded. Thank you.
I love what you share here Rosie about the self-abuse we live with and often don’t address. For me the key has been in deepening the relationship with myself and learning to appreciate myself and the many qualities I bring and then the attack towards myself began to naturally drop away. There are times when I slip back into self-abuse and for me it is usually with my choices around food and it is interesting when I make this choice how the quality of my thoughts and movements are affected.
I also used to think abuse was only just physical and no more than that. Abuse is so much more than this when you take into account the quality of living one is essentially choosing. Holding back from saying or doing something one knows is true for example may not have any obvious physical consequences but it does have a massive impact on ones overall quality of well being
I am starting to see abuse on a whole new level. What you illustrate here is what we can change in our lives, no matter what our circumstances or who is around us. We can change those things and from my experience there is no end to the love we can offer ourselves by not presuming we have no self-abuse but to see if there is more love available that we were not previously aware of.
This was such an enjoyable read Rosie. I especially love the way you describe your new relationship with exercise. It’s eye opening to see that even lying in bed can be abuse if our body needs something else.
Beautiful truths, written here. When I read them I actually know them and recognize them too in my life. The crazything is that I once could not have my mind to think of this being possible self-abusive ways, but since I become more loving in my daily manners and make effort to self connect everyday – the awareness of self-abuse stand more out – even in the slightests ways. A very obvious truth now.. And the more love i choose the more love we are (live) and will see that certain behaviors are no longer serving or have never truly served us in the first place.
Abuse does come in many forms, and the more I learn and pay attention to what is and what is not abuse, I am seeing more and more the extent of what abuse really is.
Yes being honest with oneself is the first step in understanding if one is abusing. I know for me there was an enormous amount of self critique and abuse when growing up and as a young adult. This has changed completely now and there being many reasons why – but the key is what you ended with “I used to think that abuse only came from others, but I now take responsibility for the abuse that I was doing to myself: that hidden self-abusing that I was unaware of for so long.”
Being resistant towards western medicine for more than two decades, and being able to feel joy now every time I visit the doctor, not because I like to be sick or emotionally depend on my physician, but because there truly comes a deep joy when I say yes to taking care of myself. I am also learning heaps with food, how it is not about being perfect, but simply honoring what my body is truly telling me. Sometimes my body tells me I am tired or I need comfort, I still honor that and not judge it or try to tell myself otherwise. Just being honest to myself, that sometimes I am off and I am not myself, is much more loving than just pretending these things don’t exist.
Being honest is the key here Adele, and for me I am always using myself as a test and trying this or that. I have been feeling sad about giving our lovely dog away, only because she loves people and cry’s all day while I work….. so after a year of that happening I finally chose to re home her. Since that, all I have wanted is comfort foods and I know why and that is okay, it is where I am at. For me, the important thing is to be honest… as in, why am I choosing that. What is actually going on?
This comment helps me to see how abusive it is to hold judgments against ourselves. You remind me to simply observe my choices and their consequences with love.
Judgements can be crippling… but calling out what is can be life changing… it is important to state the facts and be aware of what is…. but then not to go into any self bashing or such crazy behaviours have been quite normal for many of us.
‘I used to think that abuse only came from others, but I now take responsibility for the abuse that I was doing to myself: that hidden self-abusing that I was unaware of for so long’. When we come to realise that the most abusive person in our lives is ourselves as in what we do to ourselves in all the ways you have described in this blog Rosie, a transformation can begin with the realisation that we can a different choice, and that is to self-care and self-love.
Thank you Rosie, this is revolutionary simply because you give us insight to what we might once had seen as normal, whilst actually showing that there is another way, and so that this ‘normal’ is not so normal at all, but actually abusive.
Compromising our true nature in order to protect that which we find valuable is in truth abuse, as it is only when we get to be all of who we are with no holding back that we are free of the illusion we live in.
Making the choices you have made to finally care for your body after “abusing” it for so long is very inspirational Rosie, but in fact these ought to be choices that we consider to be normal and naturally make every day. Instead the majority of humanity live in a way that ticks everything on the “self-abuse” list, but sadly don’t consider living this way to be abusive; I never did but now I realise that was simply a self-perpetuating illusion.
My normal is always changing as do I. And the more that I live that, the more I can inspire others around me… and hopefully in doing this, we will all start cracking some of the illusions that our brothers and sisters get caught in.
Thanks Rosie, this is a great topic. In the same way we don’t consider self love we don’t consider self abuse. We live in a kind of grey zone and until self love enters self abuse may not be highlighted. Strange that we make love or abuse what we do to others or have done to us. Meanwhile our own love goes untapped meaning we live and make choices that are not loving for ourselves. I have recently been coming back to the analogy of how I would treat a precious baby and using that as a guide to how much care I can actually take with myself.
Isn’t it amazing how much care we would offer and care or consider for a baby yet we actually have to work on trying to bring that to ourselves…. really should be the other way round…. natural to be this caring with ourselves, and therefore easy to share that with others.
Yes, and it is always changing as we develop more self love.
We use food as a way to attack our own awareness so we continue living being irresponsible at the expense of our bodies in the indulgences and ignorance that just keep us living less than the magnificence of who we truly are.
Very true Francisco, it’s not a game we are playing with, it is our bodies and each time we are irresponsible with our food choices, we do eventually pay the price for it. You only have to look at the health and shape of most of society today to see the damaging effects of such choices.
Rosie the list of self abusive things you did is pretty similar to mine! Particularly when it came to spending money on me- I would do the same thing and avoid the dentist because people don’t see that from the outside but they will see new clothes. But in that I am not truly caring for myself from the inside first.
I wouldn’t go to the dentist because I just never valued looking after my teeth and never realised how much my dental health affected my overall health but what you share makes sense too. How common is it to worry about what the car or house looks like on the outside, yet have a complete mess on the inside.
I used to pride myself on not going to the doctors. When I get ill I still tend to see it as an inconvenience to my life that stops me getting on with all the things I have to do. These day I have a different perspective and have regular check ups with my doctor. When I get ill I don’t try and keep working but allow myself time to rest and get well again.
I recently recommended to a friend to go to the doctors and they were resisting it as they don’t like them etc… but when they did go, they found out that they no longer needed the medications and since then don’t feel dizzy and sick so you see, it was a good thing to go… and it always is because it is such a loving thing to do for ourselves. To care for ourselves and to stay informed of what is happening within our bodies and from there, you can make informed choices, not just I don’t want to know or care kind of choices.
Just recently I have been taking a closer look at my diet and realised by hanging onto something which I had clocked many times has been causing sinus problems was abusive, but underneath a sense of stubbornness revealed itself.
I know that stubborness well, I am an expert at it yet it doesn’t serve me or work well at all. Maybe I should divorce it!
A wise friend said to me that running with self-doubting or bashing thoughts is like buying junk food – it was a great analogy and I could totally relate to it and how being discerning of how we are thinking is important!
That is a great analogy! Thanks for sharing. We can so no to junk food but how often do we just allow those self doubting thoughts!
Yes I love this too, it really brings it home. Recognising self doubt and other depreciating thoughts as junk food or even just junk means we can turn our back on them much more easily.
From self abuse to self love – such an inspirational journey, and one that I have taken too. I ticked nearly all the self abusive habits on your list Rosie and I am sure that I could add a few more. In the past I would never had considered that I was abusing myself; but abuse it was and there’s no escaping from that fact..
whilst ever we use comparison as the litmus test of the day, we will never understand the depth of true abuse that goes on in society, nor work out how to stop it.
And whilst we compare to another, we actually just limit ourselves as where we can go to, what we can feel and what we can heal. Another’s limit and life story is not ours. When we compare we get caught up in pictures of how I should be or I am doing great compared to so and so or even compared to where I was a year ago, we are just putting a lid on our own potential or dimming the light switch so we can’t see.
When we have no true measure on love, we would have no idea what qualifies as abuse. Things I used to do – because it was fun, everyone was doing it, because I could do it, I deserved it, I needed as a reward, someone said it was good for me… I actually thought I was ‘loving’ myself by abusing myself. As I reinstate self-loving choices in my everyday life, I am getting to know myself again as the love that I am.
‘I actually thought I was “loving” myself by abusing myself’. Oh yes, I know that feeling and the shock when we wake up and realise how abusive it really was!
Really, all we have to do is observe the way that most people walk down the street to see the depth of lack of self-care and indeed self abuse that is happening all around us.
Yes it is not just the obvious things like hitting someone or calling someone names that is abusive our whole way of living can be abusive just because we don’t take deep care for ourselves. This is seen as normal in society and I often feel this pressure to not care for myself in the way I am used to but it is important to observe this I found and to choose to feel the delicacy and tenderness of my body and the need to deeply care for that. I just learned about the anatomy of the body today and saw a picture of our kidneys in our bodies and how small and fragile they look, it is in that moment I felt deep inspiration to handle myself very delicately.
I feel that everyone should learn Anatomy as having a greater understanding of our body is really important when it comes to caring for it. The more understanding we have, the more it makes sense to look after it as best as you can.
Yikes I can relate to all of these points Rosie and the way one can be self destructive and abusive! And what’s more – because I was abusing myself I was also letting others abuse me too. It is only now that I don’t let abuse in that I am able to identify it more clearly from others and say no that does not feeel right.
What I have found is that I can identify the abuse from others but am not so honest in identifying the abuse from myself, but that is slowly changing as I stop playing games, pointing fingers and take responsibility.
A great sharing Rosie for I love all the things you called out as abuse …. so many people do these things without thinking of how harmful it is to the body…. or consider that there is another way that could reward them so richly should they choose to bring a little love and care to the things they do. How you now feel is a testament to the power of making such choices.
Thank you for sharing your insightful revelations regarding your relationship and understanding of self-abuse. I thought I was doing OK but clearly OK simply doesn’t cut it – there is always much more than we think!
OK is great when things have been bad but OK is not a place to settle as like you say, there is always much more and we are worth a lot more than we often settle for.
This is such a support to your body! The choices you are making are huge and I love how you speak about exercise as a compliment to your body rather than a chore and something to push through. I have been rebuilding my relationship with exercise, and like you, it feels so amazing once I have done it.
Yes I guess what is regarded as abusive will change all through life. What was once regarded as ok can later on feel upright abusive.
Love this blog and all it’s comments. I know that the more I love and cherish myself the more I realise how what I had considered normal before feels abusive in this ever expanding love and appreciation for myself and others.
It is amazing how abusive we can be being towards ourself without even realising it. And how helpful it can be to have the reflection of someone who takes greater true care of themself to see that there is another way. Something that I’m recognising more is how damaging I can be towards myself with the kind of thoughts I have – berating myself or second-guessing and undermining what I’m sensing and feeling to do. The more aware I am of the quality of my thoughts the clearer I’m getting in discerning what actually feels like a helpful thought and what doesn’t!
Sometimes we react to the reflections others bring because on one level we know it and we are sad that we are not choosing that for ourselves and also sometimes we just don’t want to take responsibility and make the changes so rather than appreciate the reflection, we react to it and avoid those that reflect to us so clearly.
I don’t always do this, but am working on appreciating the reflections, even when they bring things up for me, for how else am I going to be aware. It is good to acknowledge that I am feeling a certain way and then understand why. There is so much to learn from each other.
I really value reading this today. It is so true, we don’t look at abuse as the small ways we take care of ourselves or not, that has become so abnormal that we have had to look at abuse that should NEVER happen as what we term abusive. Over the last few years I have taken time to peel back the layers of my ‘normal’ to see if there was a more tender way I can be with myself and can honestly say it has been extraordinary to see how my perception of normal has shifted.
Yes, what you have shared here Rosie is super important and revealing. We don’t class some of those things you’ve mentioned as self abusive. Kind of ‘just the way we are’, but actually those things are really exposing of the type of relationship we have with ourselves. Is it loving and supportive, or is it destructive and abusive. I know what sort of relationship I have had in the past, but now I choose otherwise.
It is amazing how the more we start to take care of ourselves the more obvious the areas of abuse are that we allow in our lives. Things which before I would have considered normal, I now consider deeply abusive. For example coming home with the pressures of work still weighing me down and wanting to somehow find relief from my partner is deeply abusive, it is not taking responsibility for myself at all, rather wanting a fix at the end of it all. Now if that happens I do my best to go for a walk and take responsibility for myself rather than bringing the days stuff into the home. It may seem minor but it makes a massive difference. And then when things have gotten too much I can ask for support but if I have not put any effort in what so ever it comes across for the other person as if I am using them which is deeply abusive. Yet how common is it for people to bring work home, or try to switch off from the world at home because they cannot cope. Effectively by doing this we are also shutting off our partner and so not deeply cherishing them and fostering the relationship we hold so dear.
This is so true James, if we don’t take responsibility for our stuff and we bring it home and are needy and expect another to fix things for us and make it all better, that is so imposing and draining for them and abusive to the relationship.
Yet the crazy thing is it seems to be common place that behind closed doors we ‘think’ we can do whatever we want and get away with it. How is this being love? The true joy in a relationship is found when both parties deeply commit to love within themselves and then share it – anything less comes with needs and attachments and can be felt. After all how can we cherish our partner or friend if we 1st do not cherish ourselves?
Is we don’t cherish ourselves, we cannot cherish another, and the more we do, the more we can cherish others and it does rub off on them so it is a win win for everyone.
It is common place that behind closed doors we “think” we can do whatever and this doesn’t only apply with our partners, but with our children also.
Rosie you have highlighted that it is the ‘subtle’ forms of self abuse that are actually the most insidious, why? because the less obvious the more likely we will continue doing it.
Yes that is exactly it and when they are not so obvious, we are often not even aware of them so how do we begin to change something that we are not aware of.
I have found it comes down to pretty much an all or nothing in each and every moment. For if I am not being all the love that I am, whatever that may be at that time, then effectively not only am I abusing myself but I am also abusing those around me. And when I say being all the love that I am this is going to differ for each of us until we all fully reclaim the love that we are that once seeded us forth. So we cannot compare with another. All those thoughts of that doesn’t matter or I can get with it are all forms of abuse – because love is love. We are either love or not and thinking otherwise is pure delusion.
Great blog Rosie, understanding what is abuse and being aware of the many forms supports us to not choice them again. We tend to only recognise the more severe cases of abuse but it is the minor day to day abuse that goes unnoticed and they are equally as harmful as any other form of abuse. There is no in between, it is either abuse or not, so clear, so simply and easily for me to understand.
Yes we really do need to redefine abuse, we can be very abusive towards ourselves and others and it doesn’t involve violence. Yes when there is actually physical abuse, that is awful, but abuse can turn up in so many other ways. There can be emotional abuse, psychological abuse, self abuse. Learning to honour what we feel is supportive for us and not seeing it as abusive will and can go a long way to changing the relationship with abuse that is rife in society.
I was in a class yesterday and we talked about how we would not allow someone to urinate in the corner of the room, yet we do allow people to walk in a way or have abusive thoughts in the same room we are in. Having these thoughts, or walking into a room full of anger is abusive not only to yourself, but to everyone else in there. We wouldn’t urinate yet this other behaviour is often just accepted or we turn a blind eye to it rather than speak up and say this is totally not okay.
I too have come a long way in understanding what abuse is and can see all the little ways that I still self-abuse or allow abuse in my life. Recently I have been tidying up my cupboards and discovering that when I do not have an order in my cupboards that is actually abusive towards myself as order facilitates flow and harmony in my day and supports me in my everyday activities. This is so great to feel and attend to.
I love this Elizabeth, I used to think that my need to have order in the house was over the top and I judged myself and know others who judged me too but what I have come to realise and really appreciate is that the order is something that supports me, and without it I can feel quite out of sorts. In the past I never put two and two together, but now I know and I feel so much better when there is order. If a cupboard is messy, even if I can’t see it, it still has an effect in the house. Its like that old saying of sweeping the dust under the mat. It is still there and I can totally see how allowing that, is allowing abuse.
After reading your comment Elizabeth and Rosie’s blog, I realise I am living with self-abuse on some level. It is very clear to me that anything that I choose that is not loving or support is actually abuse. No matter how big or small this may be. I know to continuously develop self-love, self-care and self-nurture will support me to choose love over abuse.
It is amazing when we think about it how much we self abuse and self disregard. Essentially we are love and so any movement, action or thought that is not from the same quality of love we are from is a form of abuse. Obviously we are not perfect so there is no judgement here, just something to observe and an opportunity to go deeper within ourselves and become more honest and truthful about the way we treat ourselves.
Any, thought, spoken word, movement that isn’t honouring of the tender, delicate woman that I am is self-abuse and therefore, abuse to another also.
Reading through your article, Rosie, it’s very evident to me that my self-abusive has been way more significant than any abuse I may have received from anyone else in my life. A pretty sobering realisation, particularly when I consider that, until a few years ago, I considered that my hurts resulted from someone else’s actions, without stopping to consider the reality of how I was treating myself.
“I can really feel that taking time to exercise my body is a really loving choice, and the choice to stay in bed and not move my body is just another way that I can be self-abusive.”
I agree Rosie, when I stay in bed too long my body starts to ache, which shows me how important it is to move it and exercise regularly.
Anything but love is self abusive, and thank goodness with the support of Serge Benhayon, I am aware enough now to know the difference.
Rosie what you have exposed in your truthful blog is very important because: “What I had not ever seen was that abuse in the body can mean so much more, and that it can be done by me, to myself.” This is something most people are not aware of and therefore I love it that you shared this insight you have made so openly.
Abuse can be very subtle, but oh,so undermining of our true worth and preciousness.
Through the constant communication with our selves we come to a greater understanding of how our body reacts or responds to how we are with it.
“I used to think that abuse only came from others, but I now take responsibility for the abuse that I was doing to myself: that hidden self-abusing that I was unaware of for so long.” The things we do to ourselves we often don’t think of as abuse, because they have become ‘normal’, but you’re right, they are. Making a choice to change them can then result in an appreciation of self rather than self-bashing and not caring. Everything matters.
I appreciate your sharing Rosie and felt to reconnect to your words at this time . A great inspiration to look after my body even more than I have been.
We mark the care or abuse that we offer ourselves through our every movement… and the examples you picked out Rosie are typical, mundane and perfect. How do I strike the keyboard as I write this comment? Is it hurried and banging each key, or is there a flow and space around the action itself. Really brings an awareness to my fingertips!
How we strike each key on the keyboard is just as important to how we open the door or how we talk to another. It is great when we bring our awareness to every thing we do and not make one more important than another.
I have come back to your blog Rosie, because I find myself wanting to eat something, anything really to numb what I am feeling in my body just now, yet I am not hungry. I have decided in this instance to stay and feel, in doing so I have a much deeper understanding for others for what I feel ATM is quite intense and I could easily eat to numb it. But, I know from experience that numbing it doesn’t help. I always feel worse after I have eaten to numb something than I did feeling the intensity of what I feel.
Overeating is such a common form of abuse but one no one wants to admit let alone bring to the table and talk about.
The more deeply I connect with myself and my love for myself I naturally become more sensitive to what I expose myself to. This is a forever changing and refining what was loving and nurturing 2 years ago is now abuse and my body lets me know this.
Yes it’s always changing as you are able to feel more and accept more love for yourself or at least that’s how it has been for me
The problem with holding a picture of what is abuse is that it often leaves quite a bit under the rag that is equally abuse.
The picture of abuse can be different for each person depending on their ideals, beliefs and their awareness as we often only see what we want to see.
I met recently a women who said ‘I love my body’ and I could feel how it was true what she said, that she lives that. And there was this feeling of, no one would like to harm her. She emanated honoring and all around her started to honor too. This was very much inspiring for me and showed me how my choices and way of living has an effect on my surroundings….and on me off course!
I used to believe the word abuse was attached to an act from one person to another often extremely violent. Either verbal or physical. These days I can see abuse is prevalent in a million more areas of life than what I grew up to believe. It makes me realise just why we as humanity are so shut down, because if we really let ourselves feel what was going on in our world, we’d all be devastated at the level of abuse we have allowed to play out.
Self abuse is a huge topic that we don’t talk about enough. Having you pull apart the meaning like this Rosie really stops you in your tracks and makes you consider how we’ve been treating ourselves. There are many things in your list that I can relate to and I could add a lot more to it too. I’ve been making a conscious choice to be mindful of the ways I self abuse and slowly I’m becoming more and more aware of my movements with myself.
Feel free to share the ways in which you have found that you self abuse Elodie, I may be using your ways to and am not aware! It is only when we get aware and honest that we can make changes.
Self abuse is quite often buried in what we think is normal. Things like not listening to ourselves when our body is clearly showing us that this food or activity is not OK.
A very useful expose of how we only want to see the more extreme behaviours as abusive, and are quite happy to put up with what is in the everyday as normal. This in spite of the fact that our ‘normal’ way of living is leading to a world in crisis from ‘normal’ things like obesity and domestic violence that are crippling the world we live in, and provide the building blocks for the extremism that is propagating the world.
There is something we can learn about ourselves isn’t there… What we accept as normal behaviour can be, as Rosie explains actually be abusive to ourselves… In fact it behoves us to become as self-aware as possible so that we can start to live a life where even the smallest details are an act of self loving awareness.
With awareness comes responsibility and both are very important for how we are with ourselves but also with others.
As I have become more acutely aware of how delicate and sensitive we truly are, behaviours that I would have never considered abusive are now very obvious. The more we embody the love we are, the pockets that are less than love start to get exposed.
Self-abuse is anything that is not self-loving. The more we choose to be self-loving in all that we do, say and think the more we can feel where we may still hold pockets of self-abuse. When we do not appreciate, feel and live all the love that we are this is self-abuse.
I agree Mary in that not appreciating myself, my choices, my life and others is abusive. Because if my space isn’t filled with connection or appreciation then it’s filled with the complete opposite and I feel miserable.
If we don’t stop to appreciate, it is as if we don’t make enough space for more to unfold. If we don’t allow this, it affects all of us.
We make many unloving self-abusive choices during the day without even realising that we are doing so, the more we become aware of our body and our choices the easier it is to be aware of the choices we are making.
For a long time the way I spoke to myself was immensely critical, to the point of being abusive. Slowly now with the support of Universal Medicine I can see this as a lack of love, and choose to stop those thoughts the same as I would stop anyone else who spoke to me like that.
Breaking down the ideas of what abuse is is the first step towards rectify the rampant abuse in our society.
Rosie thank you for sharing, what stood out for me was ‘I no Longer Need the Stimulation from Unhealthy Food like I Used to’ this is a great point to look at, because when we eat what we fancy if it is not what the body requires at that moment we are actually abusing ourselves.
Reading the list that you have written is so powerful. These are all such simple, simple choices. Simple – anyone can do it. Choices – anyone can choose it.
Calling it for what it is – abuse – is the first step towards people waking up to what is actually going on. We have to start speaking the truth if we are to shed our comfort blankets of denial.
Well said Otto and very true, to call out the abuse many accept as ‘normal’ can trigger some people as they want to remain in the comfort and their irresponsibility.
“Don’t you miss it” This is the question that I so often get asked when I tell people that I don’t drink. It’s crazy. Since not drinking (and making all sorts of other self-loving choices) I have discovered so much joy, love, purpose, vitality…..So my question back to them is “Don’t you miss it?”
Thank you for this expose on self-abuse Rosie. What you describe has become a normal way of living these days where anything is more important than taking care of ourselves. But as you describe taking care of ourselves can be so simple when we allow ourselves to be sensitive and to tend to every moment in life.
Self abuse is rife, there are probably very few of us on the planet who don’t self abuse. The ridiculous thing is we have setup a way of life that is dependant on self abuse to feel good. Thanks to Universal Medicine for showing there is another way.
It is amazing how abusive we can be to ourselves without even realising it or stopping to really clock it. And amazing the changes that you have made Rosie, what a great reflection for others of how it is possible to take greater care of ourselves.
I feel the most balanced about my health and well-being than I have been my whole life, thanks to Universal Medicine. I went from always going to Doctors when needed and not looking at any other complementary support and then jumped into alternative therapies. What I found is how anti-medicine many of these alternative therapies that I tried were… and I followed suit as well. I had very judgemental and controlling thoughts about the medical profession that didn’t support me in truth at all.
Now I’m very much pro-medicine (again) with myself and my family and marrying that with complementary medicine supports every part of our beings and makes so much sense in the world today with the rising illness and disease rates.
When we are in our own self-abusive pattern and not seeing it we often allow the same abuse from others on the outside. Abuse can be in so many things, even like saying so called jokes that in truth are quite cutting and undermining.
Yes so true Aimee, if we don’t see the abuse from ourselves, it is often the same case when it comes from outside and the more we are aware and feel, the more we can see it for what it is.
On the subject of jokes, I am shocked at how abusive a lot of jokes are and how they make people feel, and yet they are said and used to be funny. The undercurrent definitely doesn’t feel so funny.
It’s interesting that the ways in which we commonly abuse ourselves have become so normalised that when they are called out and exposed as being abuse, many scoff at this think its an extreme point of view – as I did a few years ago. But now I can clearly feel the abuse in my body when I ignore it’s messages to me, and yet because I have lived this life and many others believing in the untruth that it is normal to overeat, drink alcohol, be rough and hard in my movements and expression….etc. it is taking me some time to feel and truly accept the severity of the abuse – and by that I mean the consequences of my choices such as lack of vitality, depression, ill-health…etc. The understanding that I am walking against the tide of normalised abuse supports me to be more loving and understanding of myself when I slip into an old pattern. This understanding and compassion for myself builds more love in my body which then supports every choice to walk away from abuse and choose love instead.
“2 glasses of wine and then vomit all night”. This is an amazing fact. In that almost anyone reading this blog would consider that two glasses of wine was nothing remotely excessive. And indeed would almost definitely frequently drink as much, if not more. Yet, here is your body explaining to you in no uncertain terms, that the alcohol is poison and that it doesn’t want it. Couldn’t be clearer!
Rosie this is a game changer exposing the abuse we do to ourselves that for many years I know I accepted as ‘normal’. Far from normal we have as a society just accepted a lesser way to live, blogs like yours are an awesome support in addressing this in our lives.
Rosie this has been a great reminder to me that abuse starts within and then manifests on the outside. We train the world how we want to be treated. We forget and think it is the other-way round. The question that changed my life from being the victim to the empowered was this – ” What was my part in this?”.
My barometer of self-abuse is constantly moving. I look back now on what I used to do, with astonishment. As I’m sure I will, on what I do now, in two years time. But for me this is the key – accepting the fact that it is an evolutionary process and being willing to see what is being shown and making the changes. This is where I can get unstuck. I am still stubborn in holding on to some rhythms. But it is also super important to really, really appreciate the huge changes that I have made to the way I look after my body. And that is entirely down to the inspiration and lived examples of Serge Benhayon and many other amazing students of the The Way of the Livingness. Thank you all for everything that you have shown me.
It’s so true what you’ve shared Rosie about there being a widely held perception of what ‘abuse’ means and what constitutes it – the word is associated with physical or sexual violence, bullying and harassment, however as you’ve shared there may be more to it than that… If we were to look at how we were treating our bodies as black or white – caring or not caring, love or not love, could we say that it is abuse or not abuse? And thus if it is, then should we accept this abuse, or change it..
Hi Rosie, yes this is great to consider . . .the fact is anything that is not
love is abusive and when we begin to exam how we are with our selves we see the extent that this love-less-ness has been allowed in our life. Learning to love and care for our self is massive. It is a big game changer that everyone benefits from.
Anything that is not love is abuse so when we consider it like that a lot of our day potentially could be in self-abuse. It is great to bring honesty around this subject so that we can learn to recognize it and do something about it.
It really is quite confronting when we begin to see how we are with ourselves and that we have actually been abusive to our own bodies. It was not until I heard Serge Benhayon say the words “you are love” that I began to consider if this was true, how is it that I don’t hold myself with such grace and honour that love deserves. The turning point that supported me, and continues to support me to catch the slightest self abusive behaviour, and halt it in its tracks.
well said Linda, its all about building a loving connection with ourselves.
Thanks Rosie for the great reminder of how far reaching abuse on our bodies can be and what we actually put up with. Only when we start looking a little deeper can we see how the seemingly little things we do or not do can be abusive on our bodies.
It’s a great wake-up call to read that not giving your body exercise is a form of abuse and completely obliterates any view that it’s a chore. Fact is, laziness and disregard are prime manifestations of self-abuse and merely reflect that we just don’t care about keeping the body vital, strong and optimised. Thank you for the nudge!
Our abusive ways can be quite “comfortable” for us, for example overeating. We don’t like to make children overeat, yet we can make our own bodies suffer with the wrong foods and in quantities that are far too great for our delicate bodies to handle. I do this myself, but see the craziness of it and how it not only affects me, but it also has a ripple effect on other people.
I often find it easier to make the change when I see how my choices are not only effecting me but those around me. When I see the bigger purpose and once I am aware, then that is it. I often ask myself why or what am I doing and then make the necessary changes.
Rosie, you have done such a great job of naming the ways we can let abuse into our everyday. I have noticed I can react to the labelling of behaviours as abuse and I feel it is because it is confronting to see the responsibility being asked of me to live.
I totally understand. I have these come up all the time and its quite a hard pill to swallow when you really see how abusive and irresponsible you have been. I know that I have been super irresponsible and beating myself up about it is not going to help so I just keep owning my part, and learning and being aware. In the long run, its better than turning a blind eye and hoping it will all just solve itself.
This blog is an excellent exposing of what abuse is. We have no problem calling rape and murder abuse but we are less likely to call negative self-talk abuse even though that is exactly what it is. Abuse is anything that is not loving so there are many things that we do in our day that we can look at and see that they are in fact abusive. What is required in order to call out abuse is a commitment to truth and this blog does this very beautifully.
Thank you Rosie for highlighting so many different ways that I regularly used to abuse myself. For me the one I am still working on daily is the way I talk to myself and recently I have focussed on how I am at work. I have been part of a new project and it has exposed how I still struggle with not knowing how to do something even if I have never done it before! Choosing to treat myself gently during this time and not beat myself up for not getting it right has made such a difference and what I have just started to appreciate is that it is also affects how I am with my clients. I am much more able to support others when I am treating myself lovingly so everyone benefits.
Hi Helen, I just read a blog https://medicineandsergebenhayon.com/2016/02/02/how-we-hurts-ourselves-with-reaction/ and it is all about how the self talk effects our body. Well worth a read.
I totally agree, how we treat ourself is like the benchmark of how we will then be able to treat others… so the more we love and care for ourself, the more others will also reap the benefits.
An amazing and honest blog Rosie, I can relate to much of what you’ve written here, living in disregard and lack of care is indeed self abuse. I find the more I am in my essence the more likely I am to make loving choices for myself.
We can be our own best friend or worst enemy all depending on how we treat ourselves
Yes, and how we treat ourselves, is then reflected in how we treat others.
You list some really thought-provoking forms of self-abuse that I would never have categorised as such but in fact reveal a true absence of care and gentleness – namely, the way I throw my body in and out of a car, the way I get in or out of bed – and as I think about it, at my desk or at the dining table. These are all times and places where I can choose to disregard the connection with my body or build a stronger relationship with it.
This is a topic Rosie that should be taught in every school and in every home around the whole world because the understanding of abuse in ourselves leads to a greater responsibility and care amongst all of the human race.
Yes very good point Joshua, what I know from my own experience is the more aware of self abuse I am, the less I am able to abuse another because of the fact of my awareness and how I would not want to treat anybody like that. To get to this though, I had to start with myself.
That is a really lovely level of personal responsibility. It is so easy to go through life thinking we don’t have choices but one of the things we always have a choice about is our behaviour with ourselves. From the moment I paid attention to it I was so shocked at how judgemental I was of myself and would never have considered saying the majority of what I said to myself to someone else.
Thanks Anna, it sure is an exercise worth committing too and what I love is the less I abuse myself, the less I will abuse another. It has to start with me first though.
Making small changes to how I live has greatly supported my body and being more self-loving with myself has changed the way I live more lovingly, rather than living in an abusive relationship which is easy to do when you lose your connection to self.
Awesome blog thank you Rosie, it is interesting how we can self-abuse for so long without stopping to consider that it is harming to the body. This blog is a beautiful reminder to let go of any self-abuse in our life, I find the more I learn to do this then the hidden areas get revealed to me more easily – a work in progress but a worthwhile exercise when I commit to it.
So often we abuse ourselves without even realising that we are doing it. It was not until I built up a connection with my body, to the point of being able to listen to what my body was asking of me, did I realise how much I had been abusing myself.
Yes, and the more and more we connect to our bodies, the more of the abuse we start to unravel.
This may be why sometimes people do not even want to stop and connect to their bodies, as it is confronting to them the abuse for what it is and how we got there, or we may not be ready to let go of the abusive behaviours.
Good point, I know that for me there was a point that I said yes to abusive behaviours because that then allowed me to stay a victim and be poor me rather than take responsibility for whatever choices and situation I had got myself into.
Thank you Rosie for pointing out how much self-abuse we allow in our lives. I love how you have made different choices. There is a deep appreciation and love for yourself which is really beautiful.
Mariette, what I just realised from reading your comment is that with the more love and appreciation for myself, and even seeing my own ways of self abusing…. I am also then able to see more clearly all the other ways of abuse that I allow into my life. With this awareness I am now saying NO to that as well which is massive because it has been here all along over 12 years at least but because I didn’t see my own self abuse I could recognize these other forms of abuse that I have allowed. Once we start seeing little parts here and there, it becomes easier to see it everywhere and get the bigger picture.
Beautiful Rosie, this inspires me to go deeper as well and to see where I allow abuse in my life, from myself and from others. There are like you say little parts that for a long time I did not even see as abuse but the more I appreciate, the more I can see that they are in fact abusive.
It would be great to hear the ways that you allow abuse in your life too Mariette. As we all find them and share, it may help us find other hidden ones that we are not even aware of.
That is true Rosie. I feel that the less abuse I accept from me, the less abuse I will accept from another.
When we begin to really love ourselves we can begin to see and discard the unloving behaviours that we indulged in in the past. As we deepen this relationship with ourself we can refine the things we do and the way we support ourselves. We don’t have to worry about whether we are getting this right, we just need to feel what is the most loving choice and go with it.
There is no right or wrong Amanda, and it is always changing as we change and as we refine. When we try something new and it doesnt feel good, we try something else. Simple.
It is a constant choice to choose what is loving. We can make it out like such a drag to do, but really there is a joy in doing what our inner-heart calls us to do, like even the slightest adjustment to our chair or putting on a jacket, or adjusting our ponytail so it’s not too tight on our head.
Yes Annie, all the little things we do make a big difference to the way we live.
The article on self abuse highlights the fact that we can be our own worst enemy or our own healer, the choice is ours
Very true, and instead of looking outside or blaming someone else, all we need to do is connect and look within, and call out all those patterns of behaviour.
I am sitting in front of my computer feeling, after a couple of weeks away, how uncomfortable my chair is. I spend many hours sitting in this chair and I have actually been aware that it was not really that great but I kept putting off getting one that would support me. How self-abusing is that. You have inspired me, Rosie – I will get a chair for myself.
Isn’t it amazing how you knew that the chair wasn’t supporting you and I know because I have had similar experiences… but keep letting it pass, not making it important, yet feeling it all the same. How often do we do this in life. How long do we keep having this little feeling but over riding it.. until eventually you make a different choice.
There all so many things in life that are not supportive to our bodies, and thus an abuse. I can feel how it changes when I start to appreciate myself more, and choose that what does support me.
I don’t want to say realising things that we thought weren’t abusive for us in the past are now abusive for us is a good thing however it just may be.
What do I mean?
Being abusive is anything that effects who and what we would naturally be. Thereby the more we connect to our natural essence the more we realise we have been abusive to ourselves and others. This can be confronting at first but an essential step in our self development.
As you have beautifully highlighted Rosie we are all masters of abusing ourselves in so many ways but I am finding the more I appreciate myself the less space in my life there is for this abuse.
And the less space there is for abuse, the more it stands out when it shows up!
I love coming back to your blog Rosie as each time I do I become more aware of how I abuse and disregard myself. As I become more aware I know that my level of responsibility to change these patterns needs to change. A very awesome reflection, thank you Rosie.
A great reflection of your transition from self-abusing behaviours to a way of living that’s much more self-honouring and self-nurturing. Just great that you label the abuse for what it truly is, as it’s the wake-up call we need to jolt us into taking true responsibility for ourselves.
As I read your blog Rosie, I realised just how much I have changed my life. Your list of self abusive things that we can do was my list too (and I am sure is also many others) and it is no more. My body to is rejoicing in the choices I am now making, loving, caring choices that deepen each and every day that I live.
It is awesome when you can stop and reflect back on how you used to live and the choices you made and see how far you have come. Definitely worth celebrating!
This is a conversation worth having because it brings to light the level of abuse that the majority of the world is living with. I completely agree that the way we think about the word abuse needs to change because it is easy to just go with abuse being beaten up or verbally abused but as your blog shows it is much much more than that. We abuse ourselves on a daily basis without really seeing it nor if we do, really questioning it. Hats off to you Rosie for seeing it , calling it out and bringing in a much deeper love and care for yourself. It is much needed.
Very true Sarah, there is the obvious abuse but also the abuse that is subtle that we feel is ok to sweep under the carpet because we feel it to be insignificant.
Yes my understanding of gentle, tender, delicate, precious, sweet have all changed – I so value these qualities now and have a much deeper appreciation for them in me and in others and I also notice how much deeper the felt quality can be so what I considered gentle before would now be quite rough and tender merely gentle etc.
You raise so many good example to consider concerning what self abuse actually is, often there is a tendency to go for the drama or extreme version of what we perceive a subject to be concerning abuse. I can say that I did many of the things you mentioned above to myself or I allowed it to happen and now from where I am I would consider it abusive. I am learning that true self care provides a wonderful foundation that really develops self awareness and self worth, which means I would not consider abusing myself in the way I once did.
This is great Rosie to expose how abuse is not just an action from another but is actually more likely to an action towards ourself and can be present in simple everyday behaviours. In the past saying the word abuse used to make my body wince as I only saw it as something that happened to me i.e. verbally, physically or sexually but since realising there is so much more to it and that self abuse is usually what attracts abuse from another I am open to seeing when and why abuse is present in my life.
Very powerful Rosie, the awareness of all those seemingly subtle forms of self-abuse are so important as they provide the foundation from which we will accept or not, the way another speaks, acts and treats us. What you’ve outlined is the way to truly heal abuse, and extends into every aspect of life. Thank you, this is deeply insightful and helpful.
Whilst reflecting on this blog I am amazed at the, what seems to be, never ending ways I have abused myself. Some are obvious and the consequence clear others much more insidious and subtle but non the less equally damaging.
After being inspired by your blog Rosie I am much more aware of the self abuse that creeps in.
Hi Shirl, it would be great if you feel like sharing what some of those ways of abusing were for you. I know the ones that I am aware of and written about but I am sure there are others that I may not even be aware of so if we all open up and share we could find some potential hidden ones.
Great points you make here Rosie. As self-love and love develops what we once considered as being OK we can then see as abuse. Like you, I have a long list of things that I now consider abusive that I once upon a time, never gave two thoughts to. Thank goodness for Universal Medicine for setting the bench mark for what is love.
Beautifully shared Rosie, I can feel the same, we can actually really badly abuse ourselves – I even feel this is the greatest form of abuse. We can only hurt ourselves basically. What you shared is incredible: .. and the choice to stay in bed and not move my body is just another way that I can be self-abusive.
To be honest I never took the consideration that I actually have used sleeping in to deliberately offset myself (which is very abusive towards myself).. What I can feel from this is that I can allow myself to make sure I actually stand for what is true and actually claim that I am worth it to not abuse, but love myself.. This is a practice which I have absolutely committed to right now.
I loved reading your blog Rosie and how you described “chucking” yourself into bed and “shoving” yourself into the car. I couldn’t help but smile at that, the way that we can throw our bodies around like that yet it’s so ‘normal’. The changes you have made are enormous. You are redefining what we know self-abuse and self-care to be.
I am outraged when I think of the abuse I inflicted on my body over many years.
“I used to think that abuse only came from others, but I now take responsibility for the abuse that I was doing to myself: that hidden self-abusing that I was unaware of for so long”. To me this is such a powerful statement and so relevant to myself .
I really appreciate how you have highlighted this issue Rosie, it is a gentle reminder to take full responsibility for any self abuse.
Thank you for sharing this Rosie and exposing the level of abuse that we accept from ourselves. I often think that if someone else treated us the way we sometimes treat ourselves then we would not accept it. If I had a boss who spoke to me the way that I sometimes speak to myself I would be putting in a formal complaint. But who do we complain to when it is us who is doing the abusing? Since attending Universal Medicine presentations and developing a greater care and love for myself I no longer indulge in the self-abuse and when I notice it occurring I stop and look at why I would treat myself in this way.
“The way I spoke to myself, the voice in me always critical and hard.” This is the one that gets me every time Rosie but I’m on the alert now ready to stop it the moment it comes in.
I can feel today that I am still abusing my body with food, also it’s work in progress to say no to the abuse. I don’t regard deserts or treats as a reward any longer. But when I decide to stop indulging in something in particular, let’s take for example corn crackers, my mind would quickly find a substitute like brazil nuts for instance (and I would keep eating them in small quantities but very often all day long pretending nothing is happening) and would feel super heavy before bedtime! At one point in my life I was quite proud not having to see the doctor even if I was ill but I must say now that I have a complete different approach like you.
It is amazing how we can feel the abuse of one thing, and then in some sneaky way substitute it with another for awhile until we wake up and become just a little bit more aware and feel what it is actually doing to our body.
I relate to what you are saying here Alex, in regards to food and rather than addressing why I feel the need to eat a particular food I cut it out and somewhere along the line switch to another one which actually is doing to same thing! The difference now is through the teachings of Universal Medicine I have an awareness to catch these behaviours a lot quicker and expose when I am being self abusive.
Thank you, Rosie. This is a timely reminder for me as I was recently feeling that some of the things I do in my day were beginning to feel abusive. It is great to feel that I am worthy of more tenderness without judging my past choices.
What I have recently learnt Fumiyo is that the more we hold onto those choices in the past, its like we re create them in the present. It is as if we are saying YES to more of that by keeping them alive in our minds.
Often our interpretation of ‘abuse’ is limited to dire, awful acts of human attack and degradation. However I know that it has played out in my life, abuse for me is when a choice or an act does not come from love. I completely relate to this quote “The way I spoke to myself, the voice in me always critical and hard.” Many of us have these thoughts come into our heads about ourselves, I used to have a regular supply coming through and they inhibited me and resulted in being more abusive with my body. I realised that I would never talk to anyone else the way that I was letting these thoughts speak about me….and that was when I realised that I needed to take control of the thoughts in my head and not be beholden to them. And so I worked on a connection with my heart and this is now the place from where I live, those thoughts come in still and now know they are not me and I politely tell them to leave!
Great comment Samantha. I can completely relate to allowing abusive thoughts coming into my head. Having an awareness of when this happens is a great step towards stopping them in their tracks.
This is a major life and game changer. The contrast from the self abuse to self care is amazing to feel and makes me stop to appreciate my own changes in the way I live now, which is nothing short of a miracle. Knowing that there is another way to live with complete regard and love for oneself is epic yet absolutely normal at the same time. It in fact highlights the level of abuse we have accepted as a society and tagged as normal when in fact it is completely abusive. We only need to look at our teenagers growing up to see the level to which they are mimicking abusive behaviours because that’s all they see around them.
Rosie, the self-abuse that you list is so normal for most people. How many say ‘no’ to the harsh voice inside their head, or are aware of the way they get into their car or bed. I know that I wasn’t for most of my life, but until I was introduced to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I didn’t have anyone showing me another way. Now I know that I am worth treating myself with the same love and care that I expect from others.
Hi Rosie, your blog has shown that slowly through growing awareness there is much we can notice about the way we live and the self care we practice. It feels very self loving to have slowed your life down and to have started to challenge what abuse of self really entails. The amazing livingness that happens when we choose to live what feels true is beautiful. Thanks for sharing the changes you have put in place and challenging the choices we all so easily make because it is accepted and encouraged.
This is awesome Rosie. I also used to think that abuse was abut physically or emotionally attacking or hurting another but never thought it was something that I did to myself. When I started to get honest with myself I began to see how I in fact had been physically and emotionally abusing myself for years. And that this behaviour is considered normal even though there is so much dis-ease in our society. As you have shared Rosie, through honesty and self-care I also have learnt that the more we connect to our bodies the more we realise the immense love that we are within and the choice to honour this becomes more and more natural reflecting a truly normal and harmonious way to live.
I love your blog and that extensive list of what now you see as abusive to yourself and your body, especially when you say the way that you used to:” throw myself into the seat of the car, just shoving myself in” or “chuck myself in bed”. And that now you do it with so much more care, like putting a baby to bed. I remembered once I sat down on a sofa with my esoteric practitioner, and totally felt that the way i was sitting roughly on the sofa had affected her, and that i actually did feel the difference, in myself and in others. Those moments of awareness are so valuable, as they teach us and show us in practical terms what true care means physically.
It is in those moments of awareness that we can make little changes, bit by bit. I still do things that are really uncaring for me at times and when I notice (which doesn’t always happen) I try to re do what ever it is that I did, so as to remind my body that there is another way of doing it and to break the cycle of automatic pilot that I can at times fall into.
Interesting comment Rosie. We have talked about auto pilots before, you don’t have to break the cycle of autopilots, even our own body autopilots, it is much more self empowering to just change the program or the settings.
Yes, again a great insight, cause it is not only becoming aware that matters, sometimes we need to stop and do something about that awareness, change the way we were just tough, and do it gently, or talk different, that is the whole point of evolution. That is what creates a new momentum. New roads.
I love that Rosie, that if we find that we are doing something that is unloving with ourselves we can reimprint it by doing it in a way where we are present and loving with ourselves.
It is a revelation to consider that we can feel any self abuse and carelessness in our body and the body speaks loudly. The more we notice the more we notice and when we act on this, to change the abuse to love the feeling is amazing.
All the things that you have spoken about Rosie I can definitely say that I have done, said or treated myself in this way. In the past I would have said that it was very normal to behave in this abusive way towards myself, in fact, as you point out I did not even think about it as abusive, even though i knew it felt so awful. I no longer view myself this way, but do find it is a constant reminder and choice everyday for it to be different. I no longer choose to speak or treat myself in that abusive manner, which in turn allows me to bring so much more love and understanding to those around me.
Amazing blog Rosie, what you highlight here about self abuse is very important and supportive in so many ways. If we abuse our own bodies it is easier to allow abuse from others, because we are not saying ‘no’ to the abuse we are inflicting on ourselves, we are far less likely to call out the abuse from others. Universal Medicine has supported me immensely with practical self-care tools that have deepened my love and nurturing for myself, leaving no room for self abuse and being able to see and call out abuse from others more easily.
Self loving Rosie it was a joy to read your amazing blog. Thank you for showing that abuse means also being self abusive. That is not what people are so aware of and I was such a person too. Now that I am more aware I can say my life has changed e.g. my health is more stable so that I am not so often ill. So it is worth it to be more responsible and less abusive to oneself.
Thank you Rosie for your insightful blog. What you say is true but a difficult message to get across. Seemingly small self abusive habits become ingrained, are seen as normal and a part of life. I see many people trapped in unhealthy stagnating bodies unable to step aside and feel the harm being caused or just accepting that this is the way it is. You and many others have shown that there is another way: making truly self loving and nurturing choices on a daily basis (and not just food) brings a new level of health and vitality and transforms lives.
This is great Rosie. Being honest of how we actually abuse ourselves. Why wouldn’t there be abuse from others when often the worst abuse is self inflicted. We can show a different way, by taking responsibility for the way we are with ourselves. Becoming aware of everything we are doing, and by being tender and caring for ourselves we are saying we are not willing to accept abuse from anyone.
Thank you Rosie for your blog, I too, in the past, had no Idea that those things you listed were abusive. Some of the things you listed I still find I do when I am not present with my self, but how beautiful it is to come to the understand that we are love and can choose to bring that love to ourselves.
Yes, Jill, being present in all that we are doing, takes on a whole new meaning so that we do not fall back into old habits of self-abusing.
Can you imagine how people would live if this was taught from an early age. How different the world would be and so much less extreme. We have lost the true meaning of abuse and it now has to be something extreme to be called abuse. Thank you Rosie for reminding us of the true meaning of abuse and in this case the harm we cause to ouselves. And if we become more caring with ourselves, we also become more caring with others.
I very much agree Diana1975, we have lost the true meaning of abuse and as Rosie has highlighted in this awesome article, it is the harm we cause to ourselves, which often we are unaware of, until something major in life happens to wake us up out of the ignorance we were sleeping in, which has been my own experience!
Yes that is often the case Jacqueline, but I decided I rather not wait untill there is a huge stop, I choose to be more loving and caring with myself.
Hi Diana – it also feels like the more we know how to abuse ourselves, even in the smallest and most subtle of ways, the more we know how to abuse others. I love your sharing here of standing for what is true and claiming your worth. There can be no abuse at all in this situation and commitment is key.
Rosie I loved reading this again. For me it’s a great reminder to see myself with the same care and preciousness I would treat a baby with. Taking responsibility for my choices and feeling how each choice actually affects me, and not pretending “it’s just life” is another step I can take. Thanks for the inspiration.
Thank you Rosie – there is so much honesty here in looking at how we treat our bodies and what really is abuse.
I too saw it as physical harm done by another, but now I am aware that even if I say something to myself that makes me feel less, that is abuse.
Its been huge to realise this and then be aware of all times I have not been loving and understand why I have allowed this. To understand what is behind these choices means I can start to change them.
That is a great point hvmorden, not only being aware of the abuse but understanding what is behind them is the key to change them.
Rosie I loved reading your blog, it was so simple to see how we easily abuse ourselves, often without giving it a second thought. From the presentations of Serge Benhayon I have learnt that being gentle with myself helps me also stay connected and aware, and from that awareness I am far more loving towards myself and treat my body with a great deal more respect.
I really enjoyed rereading your blog. It reveals so clearly that the self abuse from ourselves is much grander than in our consciousness. The slightest things are actually an insult to our body and we should read it like that as well.
Reading again I was also very touched by your comment: “when I go to bed at night I prepare my bed and put myself to sleep as if I was putting a child to sleep.” made me wonder why do we treat a child more lovingly than an adult? We do this across the board for example we campaign against cyber-abuse and cyber-bullying that happens to children but it hurts adults just as much. Same with how we treat boys or men compared to girls as if they are less sensitive but men are very, very sensitive which is why they often act so tough as a protection and all this hardening is actually a way they abuse themselves.
So true Nicola, I was just sitting here and feeling how abuse for me nowadays is more subtle but if I consider myself as being a young girl I know I would be less critical and more loving with myself. It’s time to be more honest and when it is not love it is abuse, there is nothing in between. Let’s take myself by the hand lovingly and play.
Yes there is no little bit of abuse, it is either abuse or not.
So true Nicola, its like when we grow up we have an expectation that we are able to deal with things better, and this is huge in our society for men. There is a culture of being tough and not sharing how sensitive we really are. The hardening is indeed an abuse and a detrimental way of living that causes many problems in our bodies and relationships.
And for women, there is nothing more lovely than to be around a man who is tender and sensitive not trying to fit in that tough culture.
Beautifully said Christopher
I completely agree with what you have written Rosie. In truth anything less than love is abuse so one way or another we are all abusive but we have accepted our non-loving ways as normal and so don’t correctly call it for what it is.
So true Nicola and Rosie. Honesty and real love for ourselves are the key to stop this abuse and work on healing what makes us abuse ourselves.
There are so many things I did not consider to be abusive before I came to Universal Medicine.. but there was and still sometimes is a lot of abuse, mainly choosing to eat anything I knew didn’t work in my body. That is a big one for me, not only choosing the food for the taste and the short term benefit, but really choosing the food that cares for the body gives so much support.
I too Know this one Benkt, when I choose food that is going to support and nourish my body, its feels like my body is in tune. When I override what my body is feeling and eat food that will stimulate or dull down what I’m feeling my body really lets me know about it.
Oh yeah, I have just experienced that…. once again I made some unloving food choices that were really abusive to my body. So abusive in fact that I have been in pain and vomiting. It doesn’t just happen, it happens as a result of a choice and that is sometimes hard to get honest about but essential if change is what is needed. Otherwise we keep going around doing the same thing and getting the same result.
Rosie I love what you have shared as I feel the understanding abuse also includes self-abuse is absolutely true.
I have been super abusive with my own body which I too have been changing. What I have also discovered that something that was more caring at one point can still be abusive to the body if it is needing a deeper level of care. For example I stopped eating gluten but after a while I realised my body didn’t work well on any grains so to truly care for my body, I needed to let these go as well. Sometimes I resist the messages of my body but as you have shared it lets me know loud and clear what is likes and dislikes which is pretty amazing.
I agree Sharon. I have found that to truly care for and support my body it is a process of constantly refining what is and is not supportive for it. This is an ongoing process.
Great list Rosie, I would say my view on what is abuse is always changing and needs reviewing often. I used to do martial arts, pushing myself to drive to the swimming pool, get changed and swim forty lengths in my one hour lunch break, backpacking with the equivalent of 10% of my body weight on my back over mountain ranges and not bat an eyelid – I would never have said I was being abusive to myself as I believed that’s what a healthy lifestyle looks like.
Now if I knock myself, don’t stretch out gently first thing, hold back something I want to say, being hard with my thoughts, get angry or frustrated or contract, I know I am being abusive to myself and others. Needless to say this is just a tiny example of the way I can be abusive to myself and the more I become aware, the more the level of abuse changes and what I consider abusive.
Thank you Rosie reading your blog reminded me of how I used to ride and work with horses and I would regularly feel exhausted from the long physical hours and the heavy lifting and putting the horses before my own wellbeing. I would not have used the word abusive then, it was an accepted way and part of the job. Now I can feel how abusive this was to my body and the only way I was able to do all this was to harden and numb myself so that I didn’t have to feel what I was really doing to my body.
Yes, alisonmoir, I look back on my horse filled days and the exhaustion I would put my body through. I would unload a container full of horse feed or shift 50 bales of hay and think nothing of it. I couldn’t as I wasn’t aware. I was so hard that I was numb. So glad that is a thing of the past.
I can relate to that Rosie. In the past I’ve done hard physical work without considering how my body feels, just pushing through the pain barrier to get the job done.
Love this Rosie, I have now realised that the way I am with some people when I go into trying to fit in and chat chat chat is very abusive to my self and to them! So much more responsibility is needed to really love and care for ourselves, as everyone can feel it when we are being abusive to ourselves.
You are right, we always think of abuse as something that happens to us from others but I can feel the greatest abuse comes from me and the disregarding choices I make. I loved this sentence, “I have started to really love and cherish this body that I am living with”. I could instantly feel how different life can feel when we treat ourselves with this deep care and tenderness.
My understanding of the true meaning of ‘abuse’ has also changed. I can see how I have not been loving and supportive of myself many times in my life. This in essence is ‘abusive’ of myself. I am still learning how to be more caring with myself and I have found that the more I commit to it, the more I know the difference of what is ‘abuse’ and what is not.
Yes commitment and consistency with exposing abuse highlights ever deeper layers and allows for different choices.
Hmm, I bump into things quite regularly Rosie…bruises last for ages. Thank you for divulging that one.
I was also inspired when I walked into a Universal Medicine event and saw people making different choices in how they were living their lives. I noticed the joy and the vitality in their bodies and the way they spoke – no one was promising miracles or cures just reflections that this was possible.
This first steps were about my connection to myself and then taking stock of the many ways I was not treating myself with care and respect, as I changed that relationship with myself so did my relationships around me transform. As I no longer treated myself with disregard and disrespect I began to not allow others to do the same sometimes those conversations were difficult but they also allowed another to stop and look at how they were behaving and where that was coming from.
Its a beautiful thing to inspire others to make loving instead of abusive choices. Yes this can be challenging at times but when we don’t hold back and are living from our essence, then we all evolve.
It is indeed a beautiful thing and sometimes it has happened even when I haven’t been aware of the fact at the time.
Great blog Rosie. It is powerful to consider anything that is not self love as abuse.
So true Josh, it is actually as simple as that.
I agree Joshua and as nvanhaastrecht also said, it is actually as simple as that.
Great blog on the hidden self-abuse. I too started to notice where is my abuse towards me, my body. I found out it was in everything. I am still exploring this, looking at all my habits. I recently found it is in how I talk e.g. not feeling my body first before I utter a word. Or the way I brush my teeth. There has always been a speediness in it, ‘get it over with’-mentality. It is really about shining a light on each area of my day, movements and behaviors. It is a lovely and worthwhile process ánd practice.
That is very true Caroline, it is in the very detail of everything and an ongoing process of refining.
Rosie this is absolute gold. Self abuse can be so sneaky, we can ignore it so easily even though our bodies are screaming for us to change. I have made some changes to the way I treat myself too, very similar to you, inspired by Universal Medicine. I really never used to listen to or care about my body much – even though I thought I did – and now I listen to it very closely and find that it is actually telling me what feels good for it and what doesn’t very loudly! This blog has taken me to a new level though, staying in bed instead of exercise.. hmmmm..
Our bodies will always let us know what is abuse and what is loving if we choose to listen. By connecting to our essence we are connecting to Love, so everything that is not Love is exposed.
The key point there Christopher, is if we will stop and listen or do we continue on with ear muffs and blinkers on? or what comes to mind is a kid with their fingers in their ears saying out loudly, I can’t hear you!!
Really good examples you have illustrated in ways we self abuse, the big one that resonates with me is ” the way I speak to myself always critical and harsh “, this is something I have to constantly monitor. Thanks Rosie for an awesome blog.
Before Universal Medicine I would have never considered things like what you have mentioned as being abusive, yet in truth the list would have been extensive. It is really lovely to be able to look back and appreciate how we are with ourselves having transformed from adding a little love to the mix.
I have found the same Samantha, it is amazing how there are so many small and subtle things that I now see as being abusive whereas before they were just a part of life, something we all did. And boy oh boy did I abuse my body!
I so agree James, boy oh boy did I too. And my body was telling me, in no uncertain terms, but I didn’t put two and two together until I had the support of Universal Medicine to understand it really is all of those small things.
So have I. It would have been almost unheard of in the past to consider such behaviour abusive and in fact would seem so normal. Now it is just common sense to be loving to myself and everyone and is actually part of self responsibility
And echoing what you are saying Joshua, it is common sense to look after ourselves and be loving. What Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine present is just this common sense, nothing out there or untoward, yet somehow we struggle with it because it is almost too simple and easy. It is crazy how much we like to complicate things.
Yea it is Samantha. It’s like a whole different world. And from adding a little bit of love to the Mix, what we are willing to put up with, in terms of abuse, completely changes. Now what we consider abuse is what we used to think was normal.
I’ve done all of the things on Rosie’s list – and more, and not listened to the aches and pains, not considered the bruises.. When I look back I’m amazed at the changes I have made, and so appreciative of the support I have had from Universal Medicine. And the changes don’t stop, there are so many small things that my body tells me it doesn’t want to do any more, and now I am listening.
Now what we consider abuse is what we used to think was normal. Aint that the truth!
Yes Emily. It is so important to stop and take stock of the changes that have been made by Rosie and many more who are connecting more to self love and realising that there is little room for the behaviours that were far from normal.
Abuse = anything that harms the body.
Thanks Rosie. You have inspired me by what you said about learning to trust doctors and dentists again. I have realised this arrogance that lies in me that says “I am somehow smarter than you and I know what’s better for me” but this is just guarding the fact that I have lost trust in people to support me and I didn’t want to actually feel that. Thanks for sharing how you have changed from self abusing to self loving. Self abuse really does come in many forms and can be as subtle as not honouring how awesome we are completely.
Inspiring it is to feel these deeply caring changes you’ve made in your life Rosie. It serves as a great reminder for me to keep refining the ways in which I can nurture and deeply care for myself too, and so it goes the flow on affect for all.
Great blog Rosie, It is so important to really honor what we need, and be steady in knowing what we don’t need and is not beneficial for our health and wellbeing.
I love this blog Rosie, I also thought of abuse for a long time being only something like being hit by someone. How you describe that staying too long in your warm bed at times is a form of self-abuse, makes me ponder. Staying too long in bed, which then results in me having not enough time to prepare for my day in the morning, is indeed self-abuse.
Over the years my definition of abuse has changed drastically, like you Rosie I thought it meant physical or emotionally controlling another but I have come to learn that self abuse comes in many different flavours and degrees and that how we treat ourselves shows us what we will and won’t accept from another.
A great blog Rosie putting abuse into perspective. That inner self critical voice is hugely abusive. Can you share how you quietened that voice?
I had set myself on a self experiment the other day. I used to try to control myself when I was feeling sugar craving to not go and let myself have it. That day I consciously sat down and had the ice-cream (no matter it was gluten, dairy and sugar free) first a few spoons only – and then I felt into why I was craving for that. What it is, that makes me want to abuse my body. It was a deep sadness coming up – and loud and clearly speaking to me the reason why it was craving for this ice-cream. It’s been me who had allowed someone to abuse me. But interesting was what happened next: I had a few more, I couldn’t stop, and got to an even deeper level of why I did so: I got in touch with the feeling of me not deserving to be treated with respect and love. The end of this experiment was me crying and being thankful to me allowing myself to learn from me. That I am worth to be treated well, kind and lovely. By others – but first and foremost by myself. That self abuse is the same quality like abuse by another. And the opening for self abuse in me is the main entrance for others to step over that sill.
Thank you for that enormously honest and heart opening sharing.
I love how you describe this side of the self-abuse, which has nothing to do with an outer force! It sharpened my awareness as well, although many patterns you described are no longer part of my life.
Most adults would read this and recognise it as the norm. As I read I imagined all those things being done to a child and how instantly we would recognise it as abusive – feeding kids rubbish we know hurts their body, making kids wear uncomfortable clothes, putting them to bed roughly at night, speaking to them like they are worthless….etc, yet when I consider myself I step away from that feeling of value I hold for kids and accept self abuse because I’m an adult. It doesn’t really make sense. Fantastic blog Rosie, thank you.
Awesome blog Rosie, and great point Melinda. When I began to make self loving choices and try to treat myself with care, my son was only a few months old. I had a perfect example in front of me of how to treat someone so precious and delicate… and I was able to use that as an example of how to treat myself. But until then, and even for some time after, what I would accept in how I treated myself was a far cry from how delicate I was with my son.
Things change as our awareness changes too, so something that was ok last week, may actually not be ok for us this week – for example, if eating a certain food was ok, but we now notice that it is not sitting well with us after eating or causes any kind of discomfort, then to continue to eat it knowing this is self abuse, is it not?
Thank you Rosie for sharing how abusive we can be to ourselves without the awareness of being so. If we are unaware of self-abuse then its very possible that we are ignorant to the fact that we are engaged in a level of abuse towards the people around us.
This is an area I am deepening at the moment. Though I have become more caring with myself I found true intention to cherish and be delicate with me in every moment was missing. Thank you for sharing Rosie.
Just because something is normal does not necessarily make it true, and our general definition of abuse is a great case in point. There are many behaviours that we consider normal by society’s standards that are in truth abusive, if one sits back and looks at it with fresh eyes. The problem with this form of comparison is that by measuring ourselves in this way, we limit our capacity to know the truth of all things.
Hear, hear Adam. And we can ‘comfortably’ limit our capacity to truly be honest with what is self-abusive (and also abusive of others), in such measuring and comparing ourselves to ‘norms’ we see around us. As Rosie’s honestly awesome blog shows, our body is often screaming at us in regards to a certain choice or behaviour – do we truly want to listen? And, what if we did and it actually stood us in greater stead than we could imagine?
Great points Victoria (and Adam in the comment before Victoria’s) – “there are many behaviours that we consider normal by society’s standards that are in truth abusive” – yet we allow them to consider and partake in them. For me the more care and love I take with myself and others the more I have noticed how insidious abuse is. I even wrote a blog about it a few years ago: http://truthaboutuniversalmedicine.com/2013/02/19/abuse-my-understanding-so-far
Brilliant James, and I’ve just read your blog. It truly paves the way forward to a more honest and loving society, one where we get real about the true nature of abuse and define it as you have, as anything that does not come from love.
For too long, we’ve conveniently and comfortably hidden behind the so-called ‘norms’ and ‘ok’s’ that we see around us. Has this worked? Not one single iota.
This blog is making me realise how much care I take with myself compared with before but how also I could cherish and love myself a whole load more. Thank you Rosie, I am already typing with more presence – beautiful.
You are a true living, inspiring testimony to what living in honour of your body looks like, thank you for sharing for all to feel Rosie.
Thank you Rosie for highlighting this subject of self-abuse. What I find interesting is that many things that we consider a reward or a treat are in fact self-abusive, like having a piece of cake or staying in bed instead of moving the body. We like to justify these actions as being a good thing – something to ponder on deeply.
The fact that we want to justify these actions as being a good thing is a big warning really because on some level, we know they are not, otherwise there would be no need to justify.
Thank you Rosie. Yes, abuse starts at home, in our own bodies. It is oneself carrying it out. Totally halting self-abuse and replacing it for self-love and self-appreciation is a program in itself and a beautiful journey.
It seems hidden and subtle: the abuse we inflict upon ourselves. By reading this blog I realize it is huge and has a lot of depth. My abuse now is picking my nose as a habit, sitting too long – in a row – behind the computer without a small break, skipping a small walk after dinner to have the organs in my body dance to digest the food easier and to breathe some fresh air. Or eat food like Tacos whilst I should start preparing dinner because I am hungry. Just four ‘small’ examples, but all forms of abuse. And abuse is abuse when the body is suffering, being hurt, treated lovelessly. So today, I am focussing with mildness on how I treat my body.
Thank you Rosie for sharing that self-abuse is not in the obvious extremes we know it to be but moreso in the everyday, chipping away behaviours, thoughts and actions we submit our bodies to. As I am learning and what this blog confirms to me is that the more I choose to be gentle with my body, the more and more I become aware of these forms of abuse. And with that awareness I can choose to stop those negative ways of being which ultimately may be small but they all stack up at the end of the day.
Yes the gentler I become with my body the more self abusive ways are revealed to me allowing me to make different choices. Each choice builds on the previous one and taking the time to appreciate my progress also confirms the changes that are now part of my everyday.
I totally agree, and I hadn’t realised the value of appreciating and confirming until recently and its beautiful to see and feel what opens up and is presented to us when we do appreciate. It is also really fun to appreciate all the little things, not just the amazing parts but all the small details.
Exactly Mary – we have plenty of ways to abuse or numb our bodies because we are trying to run away from what it is telling us.
Your’e making a great point Rosie, it is so important to become aware just how abusive our choices can be, to ourselves as well as others. I too used to believe that abuse was something that was imposed on me from the outside – what a difference it makes when we start to take responsibility for our choices and look more closely at the consequenses of them.
Rosie what you share here, I have started to really love and cherish this body that I am living with. I take care when I am getting dressed, I gently get into the car, and when I go to bed at night I prepare my bed and put myself to sleep as if I was putting a child to sleep, all,of these things are so simple, yet have a profound impact on not only yourself, but everyone who gets to feel that level of true love and appreciation reflecting in all of those loving choices.
It is great to have pointed out many behaviours that could be considered normal and yet add up to being a neglectful way of treating oneself. It made me stop and think about little variations of those listed and that they can still be there in the background in my daily life. Yet those ones I have addressed feel so good it doesn’t seem to be a should or a chore to go deeper but actually a quite natural deepening process.
An awesome blog Rosie, I got a lot out of it, as the abuse you describe is so overlooked and not often considered abuse, but when felt into more how is it not abuse if we are not being gentle and loving with ourselves in all that we do.
Rosie, what you have described as abuse most would accept as normal behavior. Could it be that this widespread abuse is the reason for the escalation of illness in humanity?
Thank you Rosie for such a simple yet so power-full blog. I love how you clearly point out how we self-abuse in the most obvious ways that we normally would not consider to be abusive. A real eye opener and life changer, thank you again.
I have never considered abuse to be coming from myself to myself and I thank you Rosie for the reminder. It is so easy to just brush off that bump into furniture and the bruise that follows as just an incident that happened when I was in a hurry. Also food is still an issue for me quite often and am reminded of this when I eat the offending food by my bodies reaction to it . Being gentle and nurturing to myself in all I do is something I am becoming more aware of and the results of this are truly worthwhile, who better to start with?
This is brilliant Rosie. I can so relate to your list of abusive habits, maybe not exactly the same, but certainly very similar. I have also come to understand abuse to be so much more then what I had previously thought or believed it to be. A thought towards oneself or another can be abusive – now that’s responsibility.
Thank you for your inspiration in sharing this with the world.
Thank you Rosie for sharing your insights on how you found that abuse is not only something that is brought to us, but that we also have a great deal of abuse in ourselves. It is really mind shifting as I too was always in the belief that abuse was something that is done to me, but when I would bruise myself that was just a small accident that could happen to me and everybody equally so. By unraveling all the hidden abuse in myself and by stopping this ill behaviour, I also come to the point where it is unacceptable for me anymore to allow any abuse form others. I cannot otherwise speak up and tell how I feel about it. There is that much abuse in our lives and we have to stop every piece of it. Only then we are able to take the next step to brotherhood and equality for all.
I, like you Rosie, used to think that abuse was verbal or someone being beaten, and never related it to how I was with myself. I also have come to realise that anything less than self-love and care for myself is self-abuse.
This blog is very true to me: the one who is abusing most often is me… But most of the time I can feel how important it is to care for myself and live a way that supports me most.
Good work Rosie, self-loving and self-care is true evolution.
Thank you Rosie, your blog is a great reminder to be aware of the detail in our day, where we could be supporting ourselves more.
I also thought for a long time that abuse was something that somebody else was doing to you. I have become aware that I have been abusing my self for most of my life and on many levels. Self-abuse can be in the smallest details, for instance, not going to the toilet when your body needs to or not wearing a warm jacket when it is really cold. Every time I make a choice that does not come from love, I am actually abusing myself.
Rosie, thank you for sharing ! I found it so interesting the way you talked about food now and your exercise routine. I can relate a lot to running into things and getting bruises- I used to get huge ones on my hips from the end of the bed. I used to say I bruise easily, but no, I just wasn’t paying attention and actually did hit them pretty hard…your blog made me think a lot about how I get in the car, I’m going to Suss out that gentleness and care you speak of this morning.
Awesome blog Rosie, you have inspired me on so many levels and I appreciate your honesty. I can totally relate to what you’ve written because I had similar beliefs and abusive patterns related to food. I have never been overweight but I tend to over eat at meal times because I thought, well, I am small I can eat as much as I like. I ate what I thought at the time pretty healthy food so that seemed to be another good reason to allow myself to over eat. Now I realised that I was in fact abusing my body by overloading it with seemingly healthy food. I would feel awful, heavy, grumpy and bloated and very much not myself. I have avoided alcohol, coffee and drugs as a form of self abuse but never really considered that I was using food instead. Now I have lovingly changed my diet as well as the quantity because I have learnt to listen, appreciate and love my body.
Often the most abusive relationship we have is with ourselves. We call ourselves dumb and stupid if we do something wrong, we allow all sorts of negative thoughts about ourselves and worst of all we think it is ok to be with ourselves that way. In fact it is seen as “normal”. There is nothing normal about that way of being with ourselves.
Indeed Elizabeth. All my life I saw myself as the victim of others and what I did not like about my life would always be blamed on someone else. I was totally unaware of the extent of the abusive relationship I had with myself, the beating up, disgust and anger which resulted from an unwillingness to take up responsibility for my life.
Through what is presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I started establishing a totally different relationship with myself: one that feels far more simple and loving.
I am totally with you on this Elizabeth. It is crazy that we have accepted self abuse as being normal but at the same time we would not abuse another in such a destructive way. And as Rosie wrote “I wasn’t even aware that I was being abusive… self-abusing, that is!”. Her wonderful blog has certainly shown me how far I have come in removing many of these self abusive behaviours from my life.
Thanks Rosie. Feeling as if you are missing out can be a big hurdle to overcome.
This is so great Rosie, I have experienced a very similar cycle of abuse, noting many of the things you have mentioned here as tried and tested learned behaviours. Some of them pop in sometimes, showing me that each day is a constant checking in and building love with myself and choices I make. No perfection and to not allow the self talk/abuse to creep in should I make an unloving choice. But to ask the questions ‘why’? what is going on. Some days are better than others, but I now have a much more loving approach to myself and how I deal with things if I am not making loving choices every day.
It’s a crazy cycle, the self abuse. I’ve been looking at going “holly cow, you did this, this and this, that’s ‘so bad'” -like I’m the worst person in the world, then feeling shameful about what happened, then next thing you Know I’ve kick- started another round. Imagine if we just looked at it all as a learning without having to get it perfect?
Yes exactly Jaime, ‘learning’ just like we say to others and especially our young children… ‘it’s okay your learning’ or ‘it’s a great learning’. But if we are not treating ourselves with that same love and understanding, what are others getting?
Such a great blog Rosie, thank you. I also did not see how I treated myself as being abusive, thinking it was someone physically hurting another, but now see how I physically hurt myself. What I related to most and am working on at the moment, is how I have neglected my body by not exercising… and how little strength and stamina I have. This has been quite sad for me to feel and look back on.
So true, not exercising is self-abuse. When you look at abuse like this it would be hard to find an area where we are not abusing – basically anything that is not loving is abuse. Thank you Rosie for opening up this conversation and Aimee for sharing the neglect of the body as abuse.
Thank you for sharing your transformation with us, Rosie. It is very inspiring and feelings provoking. It made me think that the more loving and tender we become as more subtle things (like brushing teeth or sitting down to put shoes on) come to the surface for us look at and change if needed.
I love how practical your blog is Rosie by calling out things you used to do, or not do as unloving and unsupportive for you. I find that before I became aware that something was not good for my body, such as how I got into bed, it didn’t seem to affect me, but once I became aware of it, it now feels awful to not put myself to bed gently and lovingy.
Good point Sandradallimore, awareness is like the starting point, and the key to change.
Absolutely, it is so amazing how I discover every day new ways of being more loving with myself. Once having the awareness it becomes normal and it is impossible to go backwards.
Hi Rosie. I can so relate to what you have written. With each point I was going yep, that was me too, even going to the doctor and dentist. Isn’t it wonderful when we begin to take responsibility for caring for ourselves and we then begin to see the relationships we have with health professionals as equal partnerships. In my experience when we approach ourselves with respect and care, this is how we are approached by others – without even trying.
Yes Jennifer, I have found that the more love and care that I offer to myself, the more love and care I seem to be offered from others too.
Rosie, this is a great blog, I love the points you raise and whilst reading it I realised that I probably do this – ‘The way I would throw myself into the seat of the car, just shoving myself in.’ Next time I get in the car I am going to be more aware of how I do it! Thank you!
Your words Rosie are a reminder to me that the smallest things can have the biggest effect on our world. I have found that since I have been kinder and more loving to myself, I am abused less often by others. It seems to me today like I was inviting in abuse by my self-abusive ways. Its amazing to see, how this self-fulfilling cycle leaves us as victim, and how being a victim in an of itself is in fact a form of abuse.
Thank you Rosie for bringing to light the fact the abuse isn’t just from others, that often we are our own worst enemy. The points here you list as self-abuse are a great reminder of how all the little things count and what we may feel is OK today (as an example eating a certain food) may actually not be OK the following week or month and if we continue to eat it, it becomes a form of self-abuse.
Thank you Rosie you shed the light on abuse far beyond what we typically think or like to think it is. The abuse of ourselves means we’re so easily able to then abuse another, and think nothing of it or downplay its ill quality. If it’s not loving; it is abusing.
A great article Rosie. I too thought abuse was something that other people did and it was a shock when I came to realize that I had been abusing my body for a very long time. Now I too have started to really love and cherish this body that I am living with and it is very quick to let me know when I am slipping back into old habits.
Wow what a gorgeous blog Rosie, so lovely and inspiring to read, i can relate to a lot of the self abusing ways you listed, such as,’The way I would throw myself into the seat of the car, just shoving myself in.’ I have changed a lot in the past five years having been inspired by the presentations of Universal Medicine, I am so much more gentle and loving with myself now that I could not go back to how I used to treat my body with such abuse.
Hello amazing Rosie, I’d like to add something to your wonderful list of abuses and this is playing sports in a way that makes the body ill. Isn’t it funny that thousands of people are doing sport with the feeling that this is healthy for their bodies? Perhaps they don’t realize that they may be so hard with themselves when they do the sport? by overriding their own body barriers and then hurting themselves. We as a whole community have the responsibility of paying for this via our health insurance fees and I feel it is time that we all talk about this as well.
I read your blog Rosie, and although I have just stepped up, I realise I still have a long way to go.
Thank you all for the comments, it has been lovely to take the time to read them all. I had no idea when I wrote the blog, that so many people would relate. It is great when we share and express, and even expose ourselves, and therefore assist others to see the same in themselves. It inspires me to write more!
This is awesome what you have called out, and I can really relate to what you have said – and like others, when I read some of the points in how you used to abuse yourself, I can see how I used to be like that too. Now my perception has changed, I am aware of this, have made different choices and have more self-love and self-care for myself. It is still work in progress there is still loads more to unfold, learn and change but it feels loads nicer doing it this way and living with self-love and self-care instead of complete disregard for myself.
An inspiring article, exposing many of the ways we abuse ourselves and our bodies, which we are not often aware of, or choose not to be aware of. There is lot in your blog for me to ponder on…thanks for sharing, Rosie.
I agree Rosie, ‘abuse’ in general terms does have an apparently strong ring to it as though it is only the extremes that it refers to, however your list of ways that you self abused are things we all have done without recognising them as abusive to our more delicate nature and tender selves. It wasn’t until I started taking notice of my body and how I felt that I began to acknowledge that certain things I just ‘did automatically’ and without thinking, now felt very wrong. Staying aware of how I move, think and speak to myself has helped me redefine what self abuse feels like.
Amazing Rosie, thank you for this. It makes me realise how hugely I have changed too. I don’t always appreciate that. It confirms my commitment to a true way of living that is respectful and honouring. It makes me see how much I honour and respect myself and realise that this self loving approach has no end. It just gets to feel more and more lovely living in this body, even though there may be times of discomfort I can tell where they are coming from and thus make changes accordingly or seek support if I find it too challenging on my own.
HI Rosie, you have made this so clear, and the list you give of ways of self-abusing I recognise so well. What I have discovered is that as I become more aware and make all these things more conscious, I then sometimes find myself moving gently with myself naturally. This seems to me a returning to the self I actually am before I chose to be influenced by and/or indulge in being attached to outcome, having to be right and fit in, and trying to control everything. All of which increase tension and take me away from the conscious presence of what I am doing and out of tune with my body. The natural place is how we were as children. If we observe the way a little child handles objects with such focused attention, we can see how we used to be and Re-Member — literally!
It’s like we can’t see the abuse until we take ourselves out of it. Or as has been my experience, until I met someone already standing outside of abuse and asking me to look at life from a different perspective.
Rosie. We have all abused our bodies over the years, whether it be from food, drink or sport for example.
Then one day you may get a big flash in front of you and you realise what you have been doing all those years was not doing us any good. We then start listening to our bodies telling us it’s the only one we have – so please take a lot more loving care of it.
I recognise now, Mike that I was abusive with exercise and would do anything to lose weight. Back in the day no one could have told me differently either as I was into martial arts; cycling across a desert to swim in an olympic sized swimming pool and cycle back in the midday sun; backpacking across France just to mention a few things, always pushing and to find out that I was actually getting nowhere – that I had not helped my body but hindered it.
When I listen to my body, it never ever tells me to backpack up and down mountains all day and then get up and do it again the next day and then the next…..
I can so relate to your blog Rosie. It is great to look back and appreciate that I no longer do many things that were abusive to my body. I can also feel that there is a constant refining here to be done and possibilities to be much more tender and loving with my body in even the simplest of daily tasks.
This is beautiful Rosie. The mind can be such a lazy so n so! Just another five minutes in bed can become an hour then the body feels sluggish. From my experience, my mind wants a lot of things that isn’t good for my body. Listening to my body is really what sets the bar for what is abusive or loving to it.
I agree, Jinya, our minds can lie whereas the body always tells the truth. I agree, it may wake us up because it is ready to get on with the day and staying in bed because we think we need the extra sleep could just make it sluggish. Conversely, our minds can keep us going when our bodies need to rest.
Oh yes it sure can, and if we have allowed our mind to run the show for years, it takes a while to really listen to the body and not let the mind have the final say.
And how good does it feel, when you do listen to the body, and honour what it needs instead of pushing through because of a belief in the mind.
Great blog Rosie, showing how we can abuse, or inflict harm on ourselves without even realising we are doing so until we choose to begin to feel what is really going on for us. Bringing gentleness and tenderness into my consciousness on a more constant basis has allowed me to develop a much more loving relationship with myself. My definition of abuse is continually changing too as I feel more acutely what is happening. And like shevonsimon I too feel it allows a greater lightness to my body and my feeling in the day.
An amazing blog Rosie, not just with what you have transformed in your own life, but really outing abuse. We so often see abuse as something coming from others, but what you say here is so true. I have started looking at the ways I abuse myself, rather than blaming the world and it is very empowering to take that responsible step; it’s bringing a lightness to my days to make the long overdue changes.
It’s funny how the term abuse is seen these days, to be an extreme action towards someone else. Or if it is to self – it is ‘extreme physical actions’. I absolutely held this belief in the past, but what I now know to be true is that abuse can be, as you say Rosie, how I talk to myself.
What it means is I have much more of an awareness of if I talk to myself in a negative way, it can mean that I physically treat myself in a negative way, and then I bring that to other people. So it is actually all related and starts with the smallest of actions.
Is it possible, that if people were to not allow the smallest level of abuse into any part of their lives, that there would be no room for the ‘extreme forms’ of it – because we wouldn’t be able to allow it?
It is possible, and I am a living experiment with this. The more care I have taken for myself since writing this blog, the more I have been able to say no to so many other forms of abuse, that in the past I would have allowed, and accepted as just a normal part of life.
Now I can stand firm in saying No, thats abuse and I won’t stand for that anymore.
I feel that the more we all start making this choice, the more abuse in all forms will stand out and will not be accepted.
Thank you Rosie. I’m familiar with all the things you mentioned in your blog and I’m slowly coming to realise the self abuse I have been perpetrating on myself. Yesterday I decided, after many years of eating from my small lunch box, to actually place the food on a plate (we have a staff room) and eat the way I do at home. Such a simple thing; yet it showed me how much disregard I had held myself in. Even though it is the workplace, lunch is not just something to get over with as soon as possible!
Top blog Rosie, until I came to the presentations of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon it never occurred to me that abuse was anything other than physical or verbal harm to another person. Finding out that I was abusing myself on a regular basis was certainly an eye opener, also it was exposing to feel that because I hadn’t been prepared to make self-loving choices for myself I was actually abusing others in a way, because they weren’t getting the real ‘Me’.
Thank you Rosie for going deeper with the word abuse. I too like a lot of people believed that abuse was physical or verbal harm – it exposes the level of hardness in humanity – but I have come to realise with the help of Universal Medicine that abuse is everything that is not Love.
As you say Rosie, it’s interesting to see how your body tells you things.
Once you chose to listen, you instantly felt the benefit.
I have experienced huge benefits since giving up both gluten and dairy products.
The funny thing is, I had got so used to the symptoms that I just treated them as
normal and something to be endured.
Now normality has been re-defined for me!
Rosie, you bring a whole new depth to the word abuse, if we accept that the little things we do that harm ourselves are abusive, then I believe it is much more likely that we wouldn’t accept or allow the larger more obvious abuse that can be experienced.
Thank you for sharing Rosie, another inspiring blog you have written. My definition of abuse over the years has been refined as well – I also find it all to easy to think of abuse as being with another person and disregard the bits of self-neglect and self-abuse. Even not saying what I feel to say is self-abusive as it means I am disregarding my voice, and thinking that what I have to say is not important.
Thanks for your blog Rosie as it makes so much sense. I can see how over the years my perception of abuse has definitely changed and is still changing – always finding new things.
Wow it is quite something to read someone else’s self abusive ways and go yep yep yep and some. I love how you show the contrast of chucking yourself in bed, to now putting yourself to bed. I am no longer chucking, definitely more gentle, but yet to fully embrace lovingly putting myself to bed. I will be conscious of it tonight. Off to put my electric blanket on now which I always forget to do until I am actually in bed. So it will be nice and toasty for me. Thanks for another reminder, I do love your blogs Rosie.
I love your blog Rosie Bason and the list you write is ‘ditto’ for me on all points. Gosh, I can recall throwing up and unable to stand up because I had drank so much alcohol but I would do it again the following weekend. I hurt my body so much in so many ways and living a trashy lifestyle was the norm. All my friends were the same and so there was nothing in my life that was going to bring about change.
Change came when I started asking for truth and ‘Is this it?’ and then a colleague sent me an email about Serge Benhayon coming to the UK. I feel blessed to know this man and his way of living has shown me one thing very clearly – what is abuse and what is not.
My appreciation is beyond words because my life today is amazing to say the least.
Thank you Rosie, a great blog. Like you, I have always been a bit too hard on myself,
falsely believing that kicking myself was an essential part of self-discipline.
HI Jonathan, I wonder where or why we have lived with this belief that it is okay to be hard and disciplined with ourselves, when clearly it does not serve us at all.
I feel that you were hard and disciplined because my grandfather taught my father, who taught me who taught you, that thinking a kick up the bum was an essential part of self discipline.
Yes, it is an incredible realisation of the self-abuse we put ourselves through and your article has me re-visit and look at those areas where I still am. Very provoking. Thank you.
I can totally relate to this Rosie, thank you for sharing. It’s amazing all the ways we can be self-abusing without even being aware of it.
Rosie, this subtle self abuse is something many of us can relate to, your choice to turn this around and begin to cherish yourself is inspiring. Through the teachings of Universal Medicine, I too know how powerful it is to rebuild a tender relationship with our bodies, to become such firm friends that there is no longer a desire for abuse.
I like what you say here Lucinda, about becoming such firm friends with our body that we don’t want to cause it harm. Staying connected to the body helps us to not give ourselves away to the mind and the abusive thoughts which lead to actions.
I love this blog, Rosie as it makes us look at our choices, that would usually be considered as ‘normal’, in a more responsible way. I especially like what you have said about falling for the warmth and comfort of your bed. I can relate to this, and agree I can feel the difference when I don’t allow my mind to have the say!
WOW I love your blog, thank you for sharing Rosie. I especially love “My mind tries to get in the way, telling me that my bed is warmer and I could just lay there… but when I make the effort for me and my body the results are so much better than lying in bed!” – I often have this excuse for not getting up in the morning, but you are so right, it feels so much better to make the effort.
Bumping into things – yes, it happens for me if I am not fully present with myself – so being separate from me is an abuse, simple, I love it!
Absolutely Carmel I would add for me that not being in conscious presence all of the time is self abuse.
I love your everyday examples of self abuse Rosie, they make a sensitive subject very real for everyone, thank you
Agreed Shamie, such wisdom, self abuse is everywhere, you are right Rosie it is hidden, but it also sticks out like a sore thumb if we choose to see it, and the beauty is it’s easy to stop if we make more loving choices, as you have so beautifully presented. What an awesome blog for everyone to read, showing the way we can take care of ourselves.
You have written about self abuse with a very definite clarity and wisdom for us all to be inspired by.
Great post Rosie, what strikes me is the different levels of abuse there are and our ideas of what self abuse is. Years ago I didn’t see eating too much or making space for a pudding to be considered self abusive, but now I can feel that it is and my body clearly shows me. I suppose it always did but I wasn’t willing to listen.
I love your honesty here Julie. “I suppose it always did but I wasn’t wiling to listen”.
I can still find myself doing this. I know it is abusive and not good for me but I do it anyway. Its like there is a part of me that does not think I am worth the effort, or thinks I can get away with it, but the only person I am hurting in this process is myself.
What inspires me about this blog is the openness and willingness to be aware of the not so obvious ways we can abuse ourselves in everyday life. And the level of care to say ‘I know what will happen if I do X,Y,Z’ from the example you used with food. It may taste great for a moment but the after effects last longer and are more unpleasant. Caring for ourselves allows us more space to be aware and feel even more of these not so obvious forms of abuse.
Thank you.
Loved how you redefined self abuse and shared your examples of everyday activities. These reminded me how through the simple things in life we can all benefit from introducing true self care as our natural way of living.
I could really relate to this Rosie. Through making similar loving choices, I have begun to experience a love for myself that is truly amazing. Thank you for sharing.
Fantastic food for thought.
As we can see from the comments, many people will be able to relate to what you have claimed, Rosie, including me!! It makes everything new, to do it in awareness and gentleness. Something as simple as shutting a car door becomes a new experience.
Thank you Rosie. The first list was a familiar one to read and it offered me an opportunity to appreciate the changes I have made in moving away from self-abuse. Awesome blog Rosie.
Yes, yes, yes, Rosie. I can relate to EVERYTHING you have shared here.
I have found that my marker for what abuse is, has drastically shifted and this is because my marker for what love is has deepened. Now anything (be it movement, expression, eating, sleeping whatever) that is done in a way that is less than the level of love I know to be true today, is in fact abuse.
Hear hear, I too have felt this to be true as I have deepened my commitment to myself.
Well said Johanna, if I look back at how I used to treat my body it was very abusive indeed. But as you say, whatever we do today can still be abusive, if it is not from the quality of tenderness we feel within.
This is a stunning blog Rosie, thank you for sharing.
This is a true statement of respecting ourselves. Ariana, UK.
Thanks for sharing this Rosie – I can relate to what you have said here about changing the way we treat ourselves. I have also benefitted from Universal Medicine presenters and am still realising some of the ‘fun’ things I do that my body feels are abusive! Change seems ongoing as the process refines itself.
I agree Jean, it is a great sharing from Rosie – I can totally relate to seeing that “some of the ‘fun’ things I do…my body feels are abuse”, the more in touch I become with my body and what I am feeling, the more ways I see that I have been abusing and disrespecting my body – ways which beforehand, I would have considered abusive. Indeed, the process is a constant refining.
Thank you Rosie for sharing, I leave this blog with a great big smile!
Another great post Rosie, I can so so relate… as if you were writing about the me of the past. So abusive to myself in all the ways you have so clearly described. I too have been inspired to a greater level of self care through the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon of Universal Medicine.
Such wise words, and how helpful for us to see the abuse we create in our own lives, thank you.
I agree Carmel, very wise words. It is easy to blame others for abuse but to actually stop and see the abuse that we ourselves are creating in our lives takes a lot of responsibility.
I agree Carmel, how many of us stop and observe how abusive we are being to ourselves, yet it seems we are always so quick to point the finger at others.