by Leigh Strack, Receptionist, Eungella, Queensland.
I have been a Universal Medicine (UniMed) student for about 5 years and since that time I have been doing the Gentle Breath Meditation™. For such a long time I thought I had to do the Gentle Breath Meditation™ to connect to myself. Now I can truly feel that by choosing to breathe gently everything else stops, and I can straight away feel myself, my true self. This has shown me that this beautiful warmth that I feel inside when I stop is always there. Essentially I don’t have to do anything to get to it, I just have to choose it.
An experience I had recently has helped me to realise this…
One morning I woke at 2am and decided to stay in bed and connect to my breath. I did this, and like it has been for some time for me, I would feel myself connect to me and then I would check to see if I was doing it right. You see, I had been living in the belief that I was not good enough and this belief kept me in the motion of always wanting to check if I was actually connected to me and if I was doing the Gentle Breath correctly.
The previous day I had a session with my practitioner and at the end of the treatment she said to me there was still some tension in my body, and asked me what I thought it was. I knew immediately, and said that it was me “wanting to have done my treatment right”, to which my practitioner replied that it’s ok, so long as I know what a trap that is, the trying to ‘get it right’ ideal.
So when I found myself doing exactly that again as I lay in bed, I made the decision to stop the checking, to stop trying to ‘get it right’. I chose to simply be with myself, to breathe and enjoy my breath.
What a lovely feeling. I could feel there was no tension in my body. My first realisation was wow, I have been living with constant tension for such a long time, tension that I had not realised I had until I felt my body without it! How is it possible to live for 45 years and not be aware of the tension that I was holding in my body every day?
Then I thought some more about this and realised what a twofold trap I had been in… not only was I trapped in the doing of wanting to get everything ‘right’ (the checking if I was connected), but when I did connect, if I didn’t feel like I do when I’m at Universal Medicine courses and workshops (which is connected to myself and a general feeling of loveliness) then I immediately judged myself as not doing ‘something right’. I had not only been trapped in the ‘doing it right’, but I was also trapped in an ideal of perfection – an ideal of how I thought I should always feel. In being this way I never let myself truly feel how I was feeling and what was actually going on for me in my life.
Since having this experience it has become quite obvious that not only was I doing the ‘checking and wanting to do things right’ trap with the Gentle Breath Meditation™, but it had actually been my way of living. So I had myself under this constant surveillance (tension) wanting to be gentle, always checking to see if I had been gentle, instead of simply choosing to be gentle.
It was in everything I was doing in my day… washing up, feeding the animals, working on the computer, conversing with people, just to name a few. As I became more and more aware of this I also realised that living this way has kept me feeling not good enough and has fed the unsureness that I feel inside, so this has meant that I have been living constantly on guard – trying to be sure that I do and say the right things.
I can now feel how ridiculous it has been to live this way, and that it is much simpler to live responding as things arise – no longer feeling that I have to be pre–prepared for everything that will happen in my life.
As I have begun to live this awareness in my life I have had moments of frustration when I realise I have dropped into the checking again. However, what has been particularly amazing in all of this is how my body has changed – it feels much more fluid as I move. I can now feel the tenderness that I have inside me and I am now able to express from my love and tenderness.
As the weeks roll on I am finding that I am being so much more gentle, loving and tender with myself, and I know that I am also being this way with others in my life. Now, instead of getting frustrated when I discover yet another place in my life where the checking has been, it is now a simple awareness and “wow, there too” kind of feeling… an appreciation of seeing another area I can work with and an acceptance of it, knowing deeply that it is no longer my way of living.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Leigh you have bought an interesting point, ’tension’ and ‘getting everything right’. How many of us don’t even realise we are living from this point . There must be billions of people having similar experiences and continue with this movement for the rest of their lives. Living with this eternal unsettlement, hoping that another may understand or have the answer.
The Gentle Breath Meditation brings you back to you and incorporating it into our daily day to day life, just like brushing our teeth, can make a massive difference. This equips us when we feel out of source. It is simple, you don’t have to attend any classes, it is there at the tip of your nose…
Gorgeously stated Elizabeth and I too am keen to join in with this ‘program’ and drop the vigilance and allow the being, in fact melting into just the being.
I too can relate the this feeling of inadequacy or feeling like I am not good enough – in life many of us have learned fast to value more the things we do rather than valuing who we are and the quality that we bring to each other. And to have this as our default way of being does us no justice indeed considering the beauty of what we come from and hence who we are. It is a process and a heaven sent gift when we shed this way of thinking and being and instead simply embrace the gentle breath, a gentle way of being and then keep deepening this platform in our life endlessly so.
There is a difference in what we ‘do’, and how we ‘be’. The doing leave us in competition and exhausted, like climbing that ladder to get to the top, and there’s nothing there, but that emptiness. Or being who we truly are, knowing that we are perfect in every way. No need to please anyone but yourself. What do we then bring to life when we live from that moment more and more? Our true essence.
The gentle breath is superbly powerful in waking up the awareness of the body and allowing us to be fully and totally tuned into all that we are feeling. Energy is all around us and can be very subtle in its communications but the more tuned in and aware we are the more we are able to feel this for what it is. The hard part is not the feeling of energy though, rather it is accepting that we are actually feeling the things we are feeling as not all of it is lovely, but at least with that awareness we can then choose to say yes or no rather than go with it and ignore the overall feeling.
Thank you Leigh, this is a great reminder that it is not about being constantly in vigilance about how we are with ourselves, but rather a tuning in and an awareness of feeling what is and what is not gentle and simply making the choice to be gentle.
“I was also trapped in an ideal of perfection – an ideal of how I thought I should always feel. In being this way I never let myself truly feel how I was feeling and what was actually going on for me in my life.” It is such a great point that ideals such as perfection or ‘getting things right’ really direct us away from the totality of our being. I can see how these ideals still play out in my life and come with a very narrow view shutting off so much more that is there to feel. The insidious belief under it all is that we are always wrong, not enough, etc. It is a really big reminder too that the mind is given a lot of power as clever and intelligent but how can it be when it’s so self harming? It’s actually the essence of love within ourselves that is our true intelligence.
Lovely to read that you are now choosing to be tender and loving with yourself, and are letting go of old non-loving patterns, ‘I can now feel how ridiculous it has been to live this way, and that it is much simpler to live responding as things arise – no longer feeling that I have to be pre–prepared for everything that will happen in my life.’
Like a rolling stone we can gather no moss as we learn how to dodge and weave around obstructions allow our body the space to heal and not take on any hardships that would see us crumble but instead we expand because of the internal fire of our essence. Then we begin to understand the deep feeling that is our sacredness, which is a responsibility towards everything, so our heart melts and we become transparent like a glass marble all shiny and new to feel the blessing of our Soul.
This constant checking of whether doing it right or not is very familiar. Whatever we then perceive as “right” is usually not where we are. It’s not even about whether we are doing it right or not, but it’s all about nudging ourselves off from our own presence. In clocking this trick, we bring ourselves back to us.
Many people get trapped by this, how fabulous you had the awareness and so were able to let this old debilitating pattern go, ‘I had not only been trapped in the ‘doing it right’, but I was also trapped in an ideal of perfection – an ideal of how I thought I should always feel. ‘
I am taking the inspiration of this program – ‘to enjoy all that I choose to do in life’ – into my day today and can feel the sparkle of potential and learning.
Freeing ourselves from the belief and need to ‘get things right’ is not only absolutely transformative for ourselves but also offers others a break out from one of the most constraining human ideals.
Pearls Matilda – for perfection and getting it ‘right’ can be a huge (and common) handicap, crafted meticulously to prevent us from the realisation that there is no perfection and no getting it right, as there is only who we are that matters most.
I agree it can be such a trap to wanting things to constantly improve and get better as if perfection is attainable and maintainable.
Love commenting blogs in this site because there are many relatable experiences like this which invite me to live with more joy and ease, with a loving awareness that supports me to just be, and enjoy. Thank you.
Beautiful Elizabeth. I want to join in this program of enjoy all that I do. I appreciate very much that joy is not exclusive for a selected few but a quality that we all can live if we choose it.
Thanks Leigh for sharing about this tenssion of ‘do it right’ which some of us have experienced. It makes me remind about the years in school and how we have been educated to achieve good grades, to gain the favour of our teachers and parents instead of being supported to keep the natural contentment, joy, ease and flow that we brought since the first day…I appreciate very much reading about this topic because it has to do very much with myself and invites me to explore the areas in my life in which I’m trying to do my best instead of being.
I have a feeling that many of us have fallen into the trap of having “to do the right thing” and then stayed stuck in this exhausting trap for such a long time; I know that I did. Since realising how damaging it is to live in this false way, I have been really committed to understanding the difference between right and true and the Gentle Breath Mediation has definitely supported me to do so. Now when I fall back into the old, ‘’getting it right trap, I can instantly feel it in my body, a feeling that is totally out of place, whereas feeling if what I am doing is true, feels so un-intrusive and effortless.
Reading your blog again Leigh it became obvious that things like patterns of thinking that we are either right or wrong and their accompanying tension are simply what we take on from the outside world, because once we let them go the true person underneath who is loving and tender can emerge and express again.
This is a great point Melinda. The tension of doing right or wrong is not who we are…and our being is deep down inside, always pure. So we can let ourselves be, allowing our essence coming out and express. As I see in Serge Benhayon and many other students of the Livingness, there is nothing more precious and exquisite.
When getting it right is a real concern to you, it is clear that you feel this is not your default, but doing it wrong. There is so much lack of self worth to overcome along the way!
I have created a lot of tension in my body because with the; ‘having to improve my life’, which constantly put me into drive and to push through things which left me always drained and exhausted. It was a big shift in myself in letting this old belief go, with my body feeling so much more spacious and open.
‘Now, instead of getting frustrated when I discover yet another place in my life where the checking has been, it is now a simple awareness and “wow, there too” kind of feeling… an appreciation of seeing another area I can work with and an acceptance of it, knowing deeply that it is no longer my way of living.’ Beautiful Leigh, tension has no place in this, no getting it right or perfect, just allowing more love into your life and inspire others (me) to observe the energy and to let go of these ‘ideal’ pictures we have how we should be.
It really is a deadly trap, that being right thing. It really spoils the simplicity of just being if we let it, and plays with our desire for perfection when such thing can never exist.
Perfectionism, and wanting to get it right are traps, whereas it can be as simple as just choosing to be ‘gentle’ as you say here, ‘I had myself under this constant surveillance (tension) wanting to be gentle, always checking to see if I had been gentle, instead of simply choosing to be gentle.’
The ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ energy always keeps us trapped and in separation, when we connect to truth we are given everything we need to know and understand about ourselves and life.
The incessant need to get it right is merely another version of the hopelessness of striving to be perfect as we human beings are full of imperfections that we are here to learn from.
The true beauty of the Gentle Breath Meditation that a beginner discovers is that there is a true self to return to and how magnificent it feels.
Trying to ‘get it right’ is to be in constant self-judgment and this is then how we treat others in checking and judging to see if they are ‘getting it right, so we compound it with comparison.
Ah this is a good one isn’t it, “So I had myself under this constant surveillance (tension) wanting to be gentle, always checking to see if I had been gentle, instead of simply choosing to be gentle.” So simple when you say it like this Leigh, we don’t hear toddlers saying to themselves ‘Am I walking properly’ or ‘Am I crawling properly’, they just do it and love how their body moves.
Cracker article, showing the difference between thinking/trying and just living. When we try or think we are doing something that is already out of truly living it whereas if we put that energy into simply being with our body or with whatever is there then you will see space open up and have more energy. We can spend to much time in the wonderment of if we are doing or if only we had done or we’d wished we did in place of just consistently being aware of a feeling and fully appreciating that alone. We feel things all the time and only when we live in a way that supports this awareness do we see things truly change and make sense. It’s not about being perfect it’s about truly being and loving the fact you are where you are and have no need to be anywhere else.
Leigh, you used the word ‘trap’ or ‘trapped’ a few times and you are so on the money, it is a trap when we get fixated (however subtly) to get things right, doing things the right way and striving for perfection. And it is a trap that I am very familiar with and like you, am becoming more and more aware of it, and lessening its grip it has on me. The Gentle Breath meditation is a great way to build a connection to your body so you can become aware of these tensions and see what they are for you.
I totally agree Sarah, about the power of the Gentle Breath Mediation to clearly expose how we are feeling. It is so gentle and loving that there is no space to hide from the messages our body is giving us, but of course, we still have the free will to say no them. I have found that saying yes is a whole lot more lovingly supportive for me and my body.
This trying to get it right or trying to be perfect and always trying to be prepared for whatever may come, creates such tension in the body and is a great trick to keep us distracted and from our clairsentience of just knowing exactly what needs done or said in any given moment. There is another way to live and be in this world, with the gentle breath meditation being a gentle first step back to feeling yourself and your body.
Awesome Leigh what a great revelation. This is something no doubt we were all brought up with the ideal of ‘right and wrong’ which is actually a complete reject of the person we are judging or in the case of self judgement, a rejection of ourselves. With my grandchildren and other young children I am around I adopt a completely different language. It is more like “you are not yourself what’s going on?” or “It is always lovely to be with you when you are simply being yourself.”
This feels confirming and appreciative of the person, the complete opposite to ‘right and wrong’.
Every time I catch a thought or behaviour in the way I am living that is holding me back or keeping me stagnant is a miracle. It truly is special to give myself all the space in the world to see what is me and what is not me. The Gentle Breath meditation has been a great support for this.