The Need to Being Right

I have never blindly or intentionally adhered to any political, sociological or religious movement, I haven’t been very politically active and I haven’t taken any part in the defense of minorities or any other groups’ rights, nor have I been part in any fanatic religious organisation… well, at least not in this lifetime. On the contrary, I have tended to withdraw and avoid committing to causes, projects and missions. Nonetheless, I could completely understand the emotions and patterns behind living a life of investing, defending, fighting and focussing on being right.

I have displayed these patterns of behaviours with my closest ones, those with whom I have some sort of influence and ‘control’. These patterns are very damaging and destructive. I feel it is important to reveal some of these very sabotaging and self-driven behaviors that get in the way of healing, creating harmonious and loving relationships, and expressing the true love that I am.

Ever since I remember I have always been a person searching for happiness. I’ve always had dreams about making life, situations and relationships to be in a certain way and believed that if I make these dreams come true I will be happy. I have focussed all my efforts in trying to make things my way, although I have only managed to experience unsustainable moments of pleasure, happiness and excitement and have always been left wanting more, disappointed and mainly EXHAUSTED. My version of happiness is elusive, and if I go deeper, it is lacking a true JOY.

I know that my exhaustion has to do with my lifestyle, but ‘reacting’ has been the very thing that has exhausted me so much. 

I used to think that ‘working hard’ was a killer, now I know ‘reaction’ has been my true killer. The consequences of living a life in permanent reaction, and struggling to let go of these reactions, has been the true reason why I’ve given away all my life force trying to win meaningless battles.   

This realisation has made me question a few things:

Why do I react to life and situations so strongly? What is it in reacting, rebelling, fighting, and this need of ‘being right’ and trying hard that I feel so drawn to? Why do I keep using these tools to walk through life?

I react so strongly because situations turn out to be different to what I long for, want, believe and think they should be. I have convinced myself that:

  1. I always know the ‘best’ way things should go and be. I’ve invested all of my energy and my focus in making things happen in a certain way, thinking that I am being altruistic and fair. I have certainly developed an ability to be very efficient, accurate and I can master procedures in a relatively short period of time and when I see that others are failing or not measuring up, I REACT. I complain and I feel I can teach them the ‘right way’.
  2. I think being fair is my drive. I want to see that same intention in others, meaning that I won’t give more than I receive because that would be unfair. When I see that others are being inconsiderate and egocentric, I REACT.
  3. I have a focus on bettering myself, trying to permanently be more in control, so I will be able to show that I am RIGHT. When I see that others behave out of control – let’s say they are unfair, arrogant, careless, competitive, lazy, narrow-minded, stubborn, egocentric, aggressive, etc. – my focus becomes THEM, I leave myself behind and get so obsessed with criticising, judging and complaining about them. I REACT.
  4. Because I REACT to what I consider awkward, sloppy, and mistaken ‘reasoning’, I can easily engage in endless discussion where ‘reason’ fights ‘reason’, ‘reason’ explains in detail to ‘reason’, ‘reason’ tries to prove wrong to ‘reason’ and ‘reason’ doesn’t care a bit about the other ‘reason’, just wants to WIN and impose its sense of what is right.

These reactions can sometimes slowly be transformed into rage. If I could, I would then punish people and hold them to ransom! I can feel how I become a channel of an authoritarian and dictatorial force. Yes, horrible and ultimately ridiculous. There is an urgency to express both secretly and openly how wrong people are. I want to be right and make my reasons be understood. I feel responsible for making my closest ones see their bad behaviors, woes, mistakes and I feel I am the ONE that can make them change.

But there is not an inch of LOVE underneath all these battles founded in the name of ‘justice’. I have only found very personal and egocentric intentions and a very hurt being. A being that forgot a long time ago what it is to truly feel JOY and express it from within.

If it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine (UniMed) I would have spent all my life trying to control and feeling guilty because of my outbursts of anger, blindly psychoanalysing and fighting myself and others. With Serge’s and Universal Medicine’s support I was able to finally FEEL and grasp what was really going on. I felt supported to feel my hurt and understand that my responsibility was to lovingly deal with it and LET IT GO, and most importantly I was supported to feel that my real essence had nothing to do with this hurt; I just got so used to sabotaging who I really was while defending something that wasn’t me, whilst sacrificing and damaging my precious body on the way.

The truth that I found behind those patterns of behaviour and the need of being right, not only reveals with precision the true state of the hurt that I’ve been carrying within for a long time, but it also holds the key to my healing. The amazing understanding of what is at play and the discernment of which part within me is expressing feels like a powerful beam of light illuminating the darkness surrounding these expressions every time they try to sneak in and take over.

By Luz Helena Hincapie, Architect, Bogota, Columbia 

Further reading:
Hate, Fanaticism and Entitlement – The Investment in Being Right 

279 thoughts on “The Need to Being Right

  1. I also having this evolving relationship with your blog Luz, as I am sure my name could also be at the bottom of this article and now the feeling in my body is one of a stilling vibration that asks nothing but when movement is called for then the vibration can stay and the moving can be Sacred and the responsibility for everything, which you seem to have elucidated to becomes one of response rather than reaction.

  2. “The consequences of living a life in permanent reaction, and struggling to let go of these reactions, has been the true reason why I’ve given away all my life force trying to win meaningless battles.” So true Luz, and it’s a beautiful honesty to come to, that we are exhausting ourselves with battles that can’t be won. I still react a lot but what I come to over and over again is that there is nothing outside of me that could give me more than what’s inside of me, and that helps me see the illusion of it all and let it go. The stubbornness of being right, or the belief in the need for things to be a certain way that I feel dependent upon can be strong, but surrendering back to love and the realisation I have everything (and more) already inside me allows these things to dissipate.

  3. I can very much relate to reacting to things/people not measuring up to how I think it should be. Something that can come so easy and natural to me can be not so for some – this was inconceivable. I did not realise the deep connection I had with whatever the subject that was making it very normal for me to ‘get’ it so easily, was something very much worth appreciating.

  4. Luz I so enjoy reading your blogs because they reflect back to us all how we struggle with life this is a classic
    “Because I REACT to what I consider awkward, sloppy, and mistaken ‘reasoning’, I can easily engage in endless discussion where ‘reason’ fights ‘reason’, ‘reason’ explains in detail to ‘reason’, ‘reason’ tries to prove wrong to ‘reason’ and ‘reason’ doesn’t care a bit about the other ‘reason’, just wants to WIN and impose its sense of what is right.”
    How many of us fight reason with reason and get absolutely nowhere just more frustration and hurt because we don’t feel listened to. Through the teachings of Universal Medicine I do understand how to step back and observe rather than react in the non-reaction reason doesn’t stand a chance it cannot survive because it has no energy to feed off, it is a trick that has been exposed.

  5. Wanting to prove anything at all, to show how we fit a particular picture, or what we can do or are capable of: just another form of being right that shuts us off from true connections and deeper relationships.

  6. Reading this was a timely reminder of how utterly exhausting it is holding on to anything.. even one tiny thing we’re holding on to, drains us. When we let go and surrender – i.e. deeply accept ourselves, all of our past choices, and our lives as they are now, there is no fight, no trying, no striving. Just the beginning of a deepening settlement and ease at being in life.

  7. I have spent a lifetime fighting myself and what I know to be true. This comes from not being heard as a child I gave up trying to be heard and went into resentment and withdrew from life. Meeting Serge Benhayon was the best thing that ever happened to me because he confirms everyone in what they know to be true but no one else wants to know. The world isn’t ready yet for the truth we are all too busy indulging in being individuals and that’s okay, there will come a time when our waywardness will bring us to our knees and then we will be ready to hear the truth that has walked beside us all along through the ages. Then we will say that man Serge Benhayon knew what he was talking about why didn’t we listen when we had the chance.

  8. This is a great awareness to come to Luz – ‘I used to think that ‘working hard’ was a killer, now I know ‘reaction’ has been my true killer.’ Learning to respond to life instead of reacting to life is a game changer, for starters our health is not compromised as we live in a more harmonious and simple way.

  9. It’s great to be reading this today, as I feel my own reason debating with reason, wanting to be fair and wanting to be right, well it’s not love as you say to clearly here Luz. And ultimately it’s not about what the world or another does, but it asks me if I’m willing to be love no matter what, without measure, and it brings it back to the simplicity that asks, are we being love? No matter what or who, are we being love?

  10. I don’t realise the level of abuse reaction has on my body. Any subtle reaction has an impact on my body these days and it is down to me to take responsibility and learn the lessons for reacting in whatever way, shape or form in my life.

  11. Thank you Luz, it’s a very powerful exposé on reactions and why we can react. There is a lot for me to ponder on which I very much appreciate. The whole business of being right is about externals, how we think things should be or want them to be, when the whole business of being love is just that, being love. In love we may still speak the truth and know that many things are not true in the world but ‘not true’ comes with a different energy than ‘not right’ – not right seems to justify one side if not a sense of fighting something.

    1. To feel the consequences of withdrawing or holding back in society and the harm it has done to my body no doubt makes feel sad but there is much to appreciate here as I am impulsed to re-imprint and make different choices from an awakening of a deeper love for myself.

  12. It is great to be so self-reflective, to want to explore the inner makings of our intent and behaviours. But I would add that it is also so very important to remember that love is often in the learning and as such we are all flawed. Accepting and appreciating this helps me to understand the strengths that we each have and how we can all help each other to grow.

  13. When we take on the banner of being right and life should be fair, there is no rest because whoever said life should be fair and that we know what is right for another person. When we are like this it is as if we are fighting the world but in fact, we are only fighting ourselves, and it’s tiring.

  14. This is a very beautiful unraveling how we have made life about coping and getting through but how much more there is when we allow ourselves to go deep and find out the truth about ourselves.

  15. I am becoming more and more aware of how separating trying to be right is, as soon as my partner and I end up in a discussion about who is right I don’t feel the loveliness that is between us usually anymore. This has become the marker for me if something is true or not. How can being right be true when it separates my partner and I? Truth in the opposite unites and lifts us both up.

    1. “How can being right be true when it separates my partner and I?” This question so clearly reveals how being right is not the answer in any relationship.

    1. Once we focus on being right we have already lost the connection to our soul and it’s energetic quality. When the focus is on others or things outside of ourselves in losing our quality we also lose our energetic integrity and responsibility. It’s quite a set up, our being right justifies our lack of energetic responsibility.

  16. When we think we think, when we live from a compartment of individuality, we set ourselves up for an endless battle and everything and everyone becomes a potential enemy for us to stand up against as we seek to position ourselves away and separate from what is.

  17. I love how you so honestly expose your need to be ‘right’ and your reactions Luz. Learning to let go of reactions makes space for us to respond in situations and brings more understanding and acceptance of life and others without any control or expectations – this is the way we build true relationships.

  18. I used to be one that had to make there point and make sure that if I was right it was to be know. Maybe not in a direct way but will bring it round so that it was understood that I was right. But this actually got me no where except for feeling dis-connected to others and lonely. Letting go of right and wrong is key for true relationships with connections.

    1. This is a relationship that many of us have Natalie, and it feels like some type of controlling mechanism we live with that changes with the wind as new righteous-ness blows in the door slamming the old pattern and running with the newest right so we do not feel the diss-connection from living in the lies. Truth on the other-hand is gentle like the breath at the end of our nose and when we at-least breath gently and leaves the door open so we are transparent, which allows us to be seen for the responsiveness to life door slamming situations, without a hint of reaction.

  19. With reaction there is no true understanding only judgment, which says how I see the situation, is the right way, here there is absolutely no love whatsoever. when we can respond with understanding then true love can be felt and the need to express, or not, is known.

  20. By reacting emotionally to anything we immediately get drained – and in a world where all too many of us are exhausted we really need to become aware of this fact.

  21. Being right means also that someone else has to be wrong. If this is your life, the pleasure comes from it. It is a way of confirming you, but even more what drives you to need to be confirmed this way.

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