The Need to Being Right

I have never blindly or intentionally adhered to any political, sociological or religious movement, I haven’t been very politically active and I haven’t taken any part in the defense of minorities or any other groups’ rights, nor have I been part in any fanatic religious organisation… well, at least not in this lifetime. On the contrary, I have tended to withdraw and avoid committing to causes, projects and missions. Nonetheless, I could completely understand the emotions and patterns behind living a life of investing, defending, fighting and focussing on being right.

I have displayed these patterns of behaviours with my closest ones, those with whom I have some sort of influence and ‘control’. These patterns are very damaging and destructive. I feel it is important to reveal some of these very sabotaging and self-driven behaviors that get in the way of healing, creating harmonious and loving relationships, and expressing the true love that I am.

Ever since I remember I have always been a person searching for happiness. I’ve always had dreams about making life, situations and relationships to be in a certain way and believed that if I make these dreams come true I will be happy. I have focussed all my efforts in trying to make things my way, although I have only managed to experience unsustainable moments of pleasure, happiness and excitement and have always been left wanting more, disappointed and mainly EXHAUSTED. My version of happiness is elusive, and if I go deeper, it is lacking a true JOY.

I know that my exhaustion has to do with my lifestyle, but ‘reacting’ has been the very thing that has exhausted me so much. 

I used to think that ‘working hard’ was a killer, now I know ‘reaction’ has been my true killer. The consequences of living a life in permanent reaction, and struggling to let go of these reactions, has been the true reason why I’ve given away all my life force trying to win meaningless battles.   

This realisation has made me question a few things:

Why do I react to life and situations so strongly? What is it in reacting, rebelling, fighting, and this need of ‘being right’ and trying hard that I feel so drawn to? Why do I keep using these tools to walk through life?

I react so strongly because situations turn out to be different to what I long for, want, believe and think they should be. I have convinced myself that:

  1. I always know the ‘best’ way things should go and be. I’ve invested all of my energy and my focus in making things happen in a certain way, thinking that I am being altruistic and fair. I have certainly developed an ability to be very efficient, accurate and I can master procedures in a relatively short period of time and when I see that others are failing or not measuring up, I REACT. I complain and I feel I can teach them the ‘right way’.
  2. I think being fair is my drive. I want to see that same intention in others, meaning that I won’t give more than I receive because that would be unfair. When I see that others are being inconsiderate and egocentric, I REACT.
  3. I have a focus on bettering myself, trying to permanently be more in control, so I will be able to show that I am RIGHT. When I see that others behave out of control – let’s say they are unfair, arrogant, careless, competitive, lazy, narrow-minded, stubborn, egocentric, aggressive, etc. – my focus becomes THEM, I leave myself behind and get so obsessed with criticising, judging and complaining about them. I REACT.
  4. Because I REACT to what I consider awkward, sloppy, and mistaken ‘reasoning’, I can easily engage in endless discussion where ‘reason’ fights ‘reason’, ‘reason’ explains in detail to ‘reason’, ‘reason’ tries to prove wrong to ‘reason’ and ‘reason’ doesn’t care a bit about the other ‘reason’, just wants to WIN and impose its sense of what is right.

These reactions can sometimes slowly be transformed into rage. If I could, I would then punish people and hold them to ransom! I can feel how I become a channel of an authoritarian and dictatorial force. Yes, horrible and ultimately ridiculous. There is an urgency to express both secretly and openly how wrong people are. I want to be right and make my reasons be understood. I feel responsible for making my closest ones see their bad behaviors, woes, mistakes and I feel I am the ONE that can make them change.

But there is not an inch of LOVE underneath all these battles founded in the name of ‘justice’. I have only found very personal and egocentric intentions and a very hurt being. A being that forgot a long time ago what it is to truly feel JOY and express it from within.

If it wasn’t for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine (UniMed) I would have spent all my life trying to control and feeling guilty because of my outbursts of anger, blindly psychoanalysing and fighting myself and others. With Serge’s and Universal Medicine’s support I was able to finally FEEL and grasp what was really going on. I felt supported to feel my hurt and understand that my responsibility was to lovingly deal with it and LET IT GO, and most importantly I was supported to feel that my real essence had nothing to do with this hurt; I just got so used to sabotaging who I really was while defending something that wasn’t me, whilst sacrificing and damaging my precious body on the way.

The truth that I found behind those patterns of behaviour and the need of being right, not only reveals with precision the true state of the hurt that I’ve been carrying within for a long time, but it also holds the key to my healing. The amazing understanding of what is at play and the discernment of which part within me is expressing feels like a powerful beam of light illuminating the darkness surrounding these expressions every time they try to sneak in and take over.

By Luz Helena Hincapie, Architect, Bogota, Columbia 

Further reading:
Hate, Fanaticism and Entitlement – The Investment in Being Right 

250 thoughts on “The Need to Being Right

  1. I continue to glean so much from both the original blog and equally so the comments. It is amazing to see so many hundreds of people willing to learn more about themselves and willing to change the parts of themselves they don’t like because of their honesty and desire for truth in their lives.

    1. Yea agreed Suzanne. I love reading the discoverings that people find out about themselves.. It’s like a hint for everyone else and an awesome inspiration to keep discovering more stuff about yourself too.

  2. As has been indicated, there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, only truth and the reinterpretation of truth or essentially untruth. True truth is absolute and holds a living unimposing quality of unity and equality that the heart cannot deny.

    1. Right and wrong seem to create the fight, or the argument. Truth can be argued with too, yes, but it will be one sided – the one holding the truth need say nothing at all, that is the power of truth, it stands tall in the face of oppression.

      1. Love this Suzanne, I find that if I am sharing something that is truth and the other person disagrees then I don’t tend to react…. but if I ‘think’ I am right and ‘think’ I am speaking truth and no one agrees then I find I react and go into convincing. Very clearly showing where I am at. Right and wrong is so exhausting and full of pressure.

      2. So well said Suzanne. One does not need to argue about their truth as they just feel it- it doesn’t matter if the other person ‘gets’ it or not as regardless, it’s solid for you.

  3. Yes learning to let go of the need to be right is such liberation, allowing another free will to make their own choices without feeling pressured to see things the way I need them to see it.

    1. Yes that’s true Brendan- when there is a need to be right everyone else can feel pressured and trapped to also make the ‘right’ choices in the eyes of the other.

    2. I am learning that too Brendan and noticed that I am less successful in stopping this pattern when I am invested in the outcome. When I have more personal interest in the outcome it is more challenging for me. It just works when I let go. For example your children or partner can make decisions that also have an effect on the others, on me, so I go more easily in them needing to see it. I have to let go and be open in communication and talking about my concerns, if really necessary, for a loving way with no pressure what they should do. Just as a honest and supportive approach.

  4. I enjoyed reading your honest blog Luz and it gives me a better insight into why I also spend time in reaction. Thanks for the wisdom.

  5. ‘I just got so used to sabotaging who I really was while defending something that wasn’t me, whilst sacrificing and damaging my precious body on the way.’ An excellent description of how we set ourselves up for a life of misery under an illusion that we’re somehow protecting and serving who we are, when we’re in fact being anything but ourselves and wreaking havoc on our bodies as we go.

  6. I’ve never thought of this before: that we all have our own ideals of how things are / should be and its like we create our own little mini religions (often within a larger subset) that we then sell and cajole others to subscribe to…. with little or no reference to the truth.

    1. Ha! Absolutely…I am the ring leader for many of these mini religions, obviously, as I created them. So interesting what we convince ourselves is the way, or the truth, when in fact, it’s so far off.

    2. Brilliant observation, simonwilliams8. It’s like we each construct our own fortress and continuously fight to defend it no matter what – just because it’s ‘mine’.

  7. There is something quite destructive when I am not listening to another, madly defending what I say. The destruction is of something quite divine, my soul getting the chance to come in and play with me, converse with me through me. As I shut down the communication channels because of my defence mechanisms, I am shutting down the magic of God.

    1. Beautifully expressed Suzanne, very true. If we only had this level of awareness on the true implications of getting into the “being right” mode, we would definately shut up and chose to listen others. Thank you for your comment.

      1. Yes Luz, there are so many times that I hear myself getting on my high horse about something and think ‘just stop talking now’! I know by how worked up I am that there is nothing loving coming from me at all. Such a great reminder from Suzanne too – “As I shut down the communication channels because of my defence mechanisms, I am shutting down the magic of God.”

  8. So true Luz, hard work is not what exhausts me, it’s the emotional reactions I go into – especially while at work. If I am working with respect to my body hard work is energising, while day after day small, but accumulated, emotional reactions can take me far from myself and everything gets pulled down by this. Other behaviours start to enter as do thoughts that are more negative and self-critical. Seeing the reactions as expectations I am attached to because I have deemed them right is a great way to deal with them and stop depleting myself.

    1. Yep, so true Deanne. I too am completely exhausted by taking on the emotional reactions of others at work, at home, everywhere really. I know there is no need for me to do this, but with such a strong pattern of behaviour, I need to accept it will take some time to undo.

  9. Captured in just a few words – reacting when others are being egocentric- thanks Luz- this is something I can react to as well, silly though- in essence it is being egocentric because others are being egocentric.

    1. Great point Deanne ! Often it is the things in others that we don’t like that we don’t really want to look at ourselves .

  10. Luz you name so many reactions that can potentially take hold of anyone here it reminds me how all kinds of energy is always passing in and out of all of us and used whenever we want to call in sabotage and defense.

  11. Serge Benhayon completely debased ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and how fraught thinking this way is. Since then I have witnessed how strongly owned I am by the notion of right and wrong by how often the word ‘right’ can creep into my thoughts and speech. It is yet another way Serge Benhayon has loosened our shackles of illusion. Being ‘right’ (or wrong) has certainly had a light shone upon it.

    1. This is true Deanne, the word ‘right’ is present in much of our speech and working in a school I hear it all the time as the children are asked to do ‘the right thing’. When we are hearing this all the time it makes sense why we grow up with ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ being what life is based on rather than TRUTH.

  12. Like trying to take a dog away from its bone, the hanging on to ‘the need to being right’ so exhausting there is nothing gained from trying to prove another wrong. I would rather have ears that truly listen than to speak with a mind that only thinks its right.

    1. So true Marion, hanging onto the need to be right is ‘like trying to take a dog away from its bone’ and is the reason for most arguements I would daresay. Once one or both parties thinks they are ‘right’, it is no longer the truth being sought.

  13. I’m not having a great week, and I can feel that so much of that comes down to my controlling behaviours. The need to want to be right about everything, the need to control situations and my emotions so that they are ‘right’. There is a desperation with wanting to let go, yet the fear of what might happen if I do paralyses me enough to choose control instead. I don’t always feel this way, and I know it will pass, but without getting to the bottom of it, it’s bound to make a full 360º return.
    Thanks for sharing your experience Luz.

  14. Luz everything you described could have been me writing my story as well. Thank you for exposing in such detail how exhausting and controlling needing to be ‘right’ is all the time. Living like this I’ve pushed many people away, and been in the huge illusion that this is who I am. This has changed phenomenally since meeting Serge Benhayon and observing how he is with everyone, holding them in the absolute love they are. This has helped me to see that when I lose it and act out, I just need to stop and come back to responsibility and bring understanding and love to what is going on. I will be visiting this blog again. Thank you!

    1. Like you Aimee it could be my story too. And indeed it is very exhausting. I am sure that my high cholesterol comes from the fact that by reacting to everything I was taking on all the issues of others. That makes the blood cloudy. Instead of just enjoying me and being around lovingly and reflecting that love no matter what others do with it. they can react or open up, it is all fine, I can stay enjoying me and accept life as it is instead of fighting it.

      1. Fighting life is the clue Sylvia, it is the opposite to love. I have been realising more and more that when I jump in to situations that are not mine to sort then I’m imposing on the other person and saying they can’t do it themselves.

  15. A beautiful exposure Luz. We want to be ‘right’ when we have forsaken what is true. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, only what is love and what is not.

    1. “We want to be ‘right’ when we have forsaken what is true.” I love this Liane, so simple. Thank you.

  16. A great article Luz, our need to being right and trying to control situations around us happens when we have given up on and lost our connection to truth and the love that we are.

  17. Thanks for this one Luz. Reacting is a huge tell tale sign of when we have lost ourselves. I find it doesn’t get me anywhere except further into the mess of things. “I just got so used to sabotaging who I really was while defending something that wasn’t me, whilst sacrificing and damaging my precious body on the way.” – story of my life.

  18. I know I have invested deeply in what I thought was right, in being right and in hanging onto what I thought needed championing because of its rightness. You have exposed all of this for what it is…a controlling behaviour, and what it is not…it is not love.
    How lovely it is to feel the slipping away of all of these old ways. It feels so light to let this illusion go. It’s taken a while to untangle myself from this one but now that I am aware of the damage this does and the power I have to not buy into it, every time I notice one of these ways I can discard it.

  19. This need to be right kills relationships. When I thing and feel back to mine and others need on this and determined way of clinging to this idea because of a sense of our self esteem depending on it, when instead we could have had a lovely relationship building on the love that we had in common, I feel how sad this is. We were in competition, hanging onto hurts when we could have been building on something special. It was such a waste of time.

    1. While my own marriage is going from strength to strength, there are still times I notice when we both have a need to prove to the other that we are right. These moments stand out like a sore thumb these days and feel horrible. One day both of our needs will have dissolved so we will no longer have such competitive moments, I’m sure, for the time being, calling it out when it happens is vital and is working really well.

  20. Luz thank you, you have highlighted something very common in relationships of all sorts…
    the need to be right automatically supersedes any seeking of truth, and most significantly, has not an ounce of LOVE in it, as you say so beautifully.

  21. One needs to be care-full because our preoccupation and addiction to being right sometimes blinds us to not seeing when we are actually wrong. Great blog Luz.

  22. it is profoundly liberating to let go of the need to be right, because underneath that need there is always hurt driving us on, absolutely insatiable, what a relief to not have to be right, but simply to relearn how to feel and how to reconnect.

  23. Yesterday I got reflected in a beautiful conversation with a man that I just met a couple of days ago how I very subtly defend myself when given feedback. I also became aware that I had a judgement about something regarding his choices and how imposing this is. What I do then is not just allow that choice (and him) but take on this role of being very wise and a know it all person, which is not loving at all. I am learning a lot from him and that is what I find so beautiful, that with every new interaction/meeting somebody/relationship, we get reflected where we are in control and therefore not loving.

    1. I am reminded Mariette, of how imposing the role of the ‘wise, know it all person’ is. It has been easy for me to go into this with my daughter, but her response says magnitudes: she turns away from and changes the subject. I feel yucky to her, and she doesn’t want a bar of me when I’m imposing. Good lessons.

  24. There are so many times where I use control over understanding and love. There I get into the protection of my own insecurities, and I feel that it brings an enormous misbalance, as I can’t be in my body when in reaction, I can feel how building the connection with me is key, as that will let me observe from that place that has everything, without any need or insecurities.

  25. Thank you Luz, this is amazing. I recognize all that you have shared. I also once thought that justice was the way – that if I simply prove my thing and even better convinced them – I was settled. But in fact, I would be feeling stirred up and full of emotion and heavy. I realize justice was just simply not working. Simply what worked was being aware of what was going on first, acknowledge what I was feeling and moving on, then at times in situations there were things that I felt to say and sometimes just acknowledging my truth in my body was enough. This has brought me to a space were often I don’t react anymore – because I tend to feel underneath why that it is occurring and how this relates to me. I learn a lot and feel way more free and not invested in the horror and drama that is at days around me and coming. Super amazing article Luz, it is for us all to eliminate the ill ways and get clear again. Serge Benhayon has truly supported me to come to my own clarity, truth and love, which makes me now able to stand, without protection but true love – For me it was just simply coming back to me. Thank you Serge Benhayon. Now I can truly say I am a more honest and loving person in all situations.

  26. What comes up to me is: blame. I have had and still have (but less and less) moments that I go into blaming. I would simply introduce blame to not feel my power and take my own responsibility. Saying another name or even by intention blaming another. To me this has shown me how I have been used to not taking responsibility and how much blaming was easy, at for example as teenager blaming my parents for the choices I was making, how silly! All I can feel looking at it now , was that I had no clue how to deal with these hurts and at times I was unwilling to let go of them. Now, I still have and feel hurts – but I know that pushing them away with a ‘blame’ or a ‘name’ is not my truth and I can take responsibility and not put things on others. It feels so important and actually very true and loving to admit that I did had chosen to escape my responsibility. I now feel that I am empowered, I appreciate all support along my way, make my own choices and be at one with myself with self love and love for others.

  27. I recognize all that you share here Luz. I started to see this pattern a while ago, some years after I met Serge Benhayon and the esoteric work. It took me until now to practise to let go of this pattern. It feels like layers of which I am letting go and today I felt that it is really time to stop this behaviour completely. And to start to accept that my role is to bring the truth by living it myself all the way. And that truth means for me love and brotherhood, my arms wide open to all because that is what I am here for. And if things are more intense just to open my heart wider.

  28. Like you Luz, reacting emotionally is my killer too as it not only makes us a slave to the need to be right but simultaneously drains and exhausts us with the need to ‘win meaningless battles’ within ourselves and others that are simply not necessary.

  29. ‘The truth that I found behind those patterns of behaviour and the need of being right, not only reveals with precision the true state of the hurt that I’ve been carrying within for a long time, but it also holds the key to my healing.’ Beautifully said Luz and oh so true.

  30. Thank you Luz for a great blog, for me, the need to be right was for my own protection and safety or so I thought , it was my hurts I was protecting, identifying myself with them, and not allowing the true and loving me to come out and be expressed.

  31. We live under so many guises to hide the fact that underneath we want to be right, for me it was a form of proving my self worth if I am right not only can I control the situation and protect my hurts I am also showing that there is a value to what I am saying, and along with this some sort of acclaim and recognition. I can still feel uncomfortable when I am found out that I am not right so it was good to re-visit your blog Luz and look at where I still want to be right, knowing how imposing this can be on another.

    1. Luz’s blog is one I revisit often, because there are more and more subtle situations where I realised the energy of needing to be right is still there. I just keep clocking those times and eventually there won’t be anymore to clock one of these days!

  32. I loved re-visiting this blog. I can so relate to what you say and this is my story too. ‘Being right’ becomes important when deep down I know I have divorced the truth at some point, and my attempt at being honest is only just half-hearted. Perhaps if I can totally rest in the truth, I would stop seeing other people’s choices, behaviour and reactions as my problem.

  33. ‘I know that my exhaustion has to do with my lifestyle, but ‘reacting’ has been the very thing that has exhausted me so much. I used to think that ‘working hard’ was a killer, now I know ‘reaction’ has been my true killer.’ When we react to a situation we are taking the energy of that situation on, and the result is very draining on the body. When we simply respond with the truth and not from reaction, we don’t take on the energy that is at play.

  34. Letting go of the need to be right and to have things done my way is so liberating; thank you Luz for the gentle reminder to not let this habit creep back in to my livingness.

  35. Thank you Luz, I can relate to so much of what you have shared. My experience has been, and at times can still be, that a ‘disagreement’ can go on longer than it needs to when either I or the other or even both need to be right to the point where I get to a stage of wondering what the disagreement is even about! These days it feels more responsible to recognise when this is happening and just stop the onslaught of words and see what I was reacting to in the first place.

  36. Letting go of the need to be right, the need to control, is a revelation. Relationships are so much more relaxed. I am not watching for that difference but rather rejoicing in the many moments we have in common. My nervous system is not on standby, ready to pounce or defend what I think is right. I watch others unfold and grow at their own pace and life is full of delight and surprise.

    1. ‘Relationships are so much more relaxed. I am not watching for that difference but rather rejoicing in the many moments we have in common.’ So true Amanda, the need to be right is such an isolated position that needs constant defence which drains us and leaves no space for wonderment.

  37. The need to be right masks an arrogance in us that doesn’t allow another the space to fully express and be heard, because we’ve already judged that the other person is in the wrong. It’s a true recipe for stalemate.

  38. Wow thank you Luz for exposing just how exhausting and damaging being invested in being right is. For many years it was my focus and I lived in constant disappointment that others weren’t getting it and would then re-double my efforts to try and force them to see things from my point of view! Feeling how much pain I have inflicted on myself and others has been challenging but allowing others to find their own way in life has led to much more fulfilling relationships and given me back my vitality and love of life and other people. Hiding behind the need to be right is such a separative force and prevents us from living in brotherhood and joy.

  39. I feel I have lived this same life. The joy to be found after letting it go, which is progressive, is enormous and a huge relief. Being right is an investment to compensate for not believing or feeling the love that I am. Once I began to feel the truth of love and the equalness of love, the need to be right falls away.

  40. I could so relate to the need to always being right, of which I used to love to do. Now when I feel into it, there is such an arrogance and distance within it all, as you are basically saying, I know way more than you and I’m gonna win this discussion. It’s total separation and in absolute opposition to our natural way of us all as a one humanity.

  41. The honesty and clarity in this blog is profound – you have such a direct way of expressing what you have been in Luz and how you saw your way out. There is no guilt or self-criticism going on, just an honest account of ‘yeah, I used to be like this’ or ‘I let myself be run by this’ and never do you claim that you are now perfect or fully healed, you offer the process of discernment and observation with yourself. Very empowering.

  42. You have covered so many points that I can relate to Luz – if not something of the past or a behaviour that is carrying on. This one really stood out for me though; ‘ I feel responsible for making my closest ones see their bad behaviors, woes, mistakes and I feel I am the ONE that can make them change.’ I had never put words to this behaviour before and seeing it written feels very exposing of where this is coming from. From my experience, when I choose to behave like this it actually pushes people away and creates separation between those who are closest to me. Also, it’s a bastardisation of true observation. Yes, sometimes I can see things in people that they may not be aware of, or maybe they are, but I need to honour and read where people are at and what will support – NOT blurt out what I feel they need to change for my own self satisfaction. If it is for self, it is not for service and there can be no evolution for either party.

  43. I have found that the more I stay connected to the love within me the more this naturally expresses in my movements and in my voice. I can usually feel a reaction bubbling up like a bubble of gas in a pond and sometimes it has popped before I know it. When this happens it is not the end because by naming it , exposing it, bringing it to light, it dissipates and the connection with myself is regained and often that with the other person also.

  44. We can be so wrong as I read from your blog Luz Helena, where you express “I used to think that ‘working hard’ was a killer, now I know ‘reaction’ has been my true killer.” And I know too that my body loves working hard and that it is capable of doing that effortlessly – but only effortlessly if I stay with myself and observe the situations I am confronted with. As soon as I got involved, I have reacted and wasted my energy into something that is not mine, and have lost the effortlessness I would have had without the reaction.

  45. I do not know how I missed this amazing blog when it first came out in September of last year Luz. I feel it should be ‘re-issued’ for all of us to read and comment on now – though I know it is sitting here ready for us to find. This is an incredible and detailed anatomy of what is behind the need to be right and the huge protectional structure built by a master architect around the injured, hurt self. That architect is the human spirit, which has its masterful ways of preventing us from knowing and expressing the true truth that we are. It is pure proof that we know how to untangle the webs we have woven and liberate ourselves back to who we truly are! Thank you!

  46. Wow Luz, this blog is a brilliant road map for everyone of us on this earth, to lay bare the wandering wayward paths we have become ensnared and lost in, so that we cease from going in that direction and come back to our hearts – to our cardio-centric guide to coming home!

  47. The following observation is brilliant: ‘These reactions can sometimes slowly be transformed into rage. If I could, I would then punish people and hold them to ransom! I can feel how I become a channel of an authoritarian and dictatorial force. Yes, horrible and ultimately ridiculous’ This is a place any of us could catapult to at any time, and yet we point our finger at Hitler and other infamous dictators and their acts of supremacy, as if we have never experience this force ourselves. Thank you so much Luz Helena for your no-holds-barred exposure of one of the most damaging forces out there in our creation.

  48. I recognise all the tension that arises from this need to be right. It makes it difficult to accept my mistakes. It would hurt to do so, and then I would react and want to accuse others of ‘wanting to be right’ – it’s just crazy.

  49. Wow Luz your blog really highlights how harming the force is of the need to be ‘right’ is, I can relate to your sharing of this, as I know that I have fallen for this same pattern in the past as well. Learning to let go of this pattern in my own life has allowed the space to bring a deeper understanding and love to myself and others. What a game changer this has been in my life too thanks to the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine presentations that has been key to developing this understanding.

  50. I can relate to this very honest sharing about the patterns and coping mechanisms we take on as a result of holding on to our hurts and how wanting to bury them has a devastating impact on our bodies. When we let go of right or wrong and bring understanding and love into our lives we are open to feel the unimposing quality within the unity truth brings.

  51. The need to be right is a poison in the body and shuts people out. It’s a way of remaining in the complications of the minds to avoid the clarity of the body and the responsibility that comes with this.

  52. Wow Luz, so many realisations and what great steps to evolvement. My evolvement has been very different but equally I could not have taken the steps without Universal Medicine to help me see the truth. Without that help I would still be as a hamster on a wheel, going endlessly around in circles not seeing the answers that were under my nose.

  53. Thank you Luz. The exhausting need to be right is a belief that another is wrong. If we live by what we know is truth then we have no judgement of others as we all, in our own time, find truth.

  54. For me personally the need to be right came from a drive to be perfect. It was something that snuck into every exchange with another and something that caused me much stress and worry. Letting go of this need and the false belief that perfection is reachable has completely changed how I now live in life. I too am forever grateful to Serge Benhayon and many students and practitioners of Universal Medicine, for with out seeing first hand the beauty of living life with joy and grace I would not have even let myself feel the falseness in living, striving for perfection and the out play of needing to be right.

  55. It makes so much sense that if we are in constant reaction to life’s challenges, not matter how small, that this most unnatural response in our body will eventually lead to exhaustion. When we use the body’s precious resources in a way that is contrary to its natural processes it makes sense that we will not only drain these resources, but if left unchecked our body will have no choice left but to stop us in our tracks, usually in the form of illness and disease.

  56. Thank you Luz, you describe in detail and most aptly what happens when there is a need to be right. We basically subscribe ourselves to a way of behaviour that then simply runs us because we have our mind set to reach this goal and nothing is too big to stop us. And I love how you point out that there is not an inch of love in this.

  57. Luz, you could have been talking about me, as I used to love being right and proving my point. But when I look back at that now, it feels decidedly awful and hugely imposing, and yes, not one ounce of love at all. Just forcing my point of view to apparently make me feel good, or more superior, but really, just the act of someone who does not have much self worth.

  58. Being right and reaching a goal and another and another has been my way of living too, very controlling way of living out of reaction. Very exhausting for myself and others and like you say Luz there is not an inch love in this.

  59. It’s clever isn’t it? We get caught up in what we believe, react when others don’t believe the same, which then leads us to exhaustion. It’s great to drill down to observe “what is reaction” too, for it can be very subtle. My needing to control things (like everything) is, I have figured out part of the way that I react. I just so appreciate these observations, for no school on this planet assists in questioning and approaching life like Universal Medicine.

  60. A great expose on being ‘right’, what I’ve learnt that being right may bring a temporary moment of satisfaction, but that’s a lonely place to be, it doesn’t add to the essential elements of life – no love, no truth, no connection. I’d rather be wrong and have those! 🙂

  61. This feels like a blog to be re-read again and again Luz, I know a lot of what you speak of, in that I’ve lived from reaction for a very long time and I then get myself into knots when I do so. What I find really supportive reading your blog today is to understand that I want things to be a certain way, the way I see it, and my reaction is about control and in that I’m not being open and observing the world around me, I’m trying to shape it and to determine it and to dictate it and that feels very arrogant and very irresponsible and in fact it damages me and all around me. I can see and feel that in fact my job is to address my reactions and hurts and let others get on with their things, that my reactions are part of a distraction strategy to avoid addressing my own hurts.

  62. I love how what you need most to read and or heal is right under your nose when it is time. Reading this I felt it was the first time I’ve ever read it… but I see I’ve already commented before! I see myself in everything you have shared Luz… the exhaustion of controlling and keeping things all together just to be right or seen as right, all deeply hurting myself and others. Oh this blog is like a breath of fresh air, seeing that it is just a choice and something we are not.

  63. Trying to control outcomes is exhausting. Under the guise of wanting fairness for all because of my expectations is a form of reacting. Witnessing Serge Benhayon and his amazing understanding for everyone he meets is inspiring. We react because of our hurts. As i deal with mine, I do react less, but the reactions I do have have become more subtle and sneaky. it all comes down to choice – to harm or to heal?

  64. I recognise so much of what you have shared here Luz. For me too, with the deepest thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have been letting go of my reactions and blaming of others, and have instead focused on myself. For if I have a reaction then it is not for me to see the reason for my reaction as coming from something someone else does or says, but to turn my gaze within and explore what it is I am hanging on to that is causing the reaction in me eg. the need to be right.

  65. This is great to read, and see that these behaviours are indeed present. The awareness brings it back to the truth of who we are.

  66. Indeed Luz an exhausting way of living when we react on how other people act or not act, the control we need to get recognition. It gives such a constant struggle and I am learning to let this struggle go and to allow and accept that my life can be truly joyful, no hard work, to just be.

  67. ‘…my focus becomes THEM, I leave myself behind and get so obsessed with criticising, judging and complaining about them. I REACT.’ Oh boy – who has not done this? This is classic me. The more awareness I bring to my need to be right, the more easily I can let it go (sometimes through gritted teeth). There’s no end game, and also…everyone’s right and wrong is different, so it’s a losing battle half the time, because everyone wrong and everyone is right.

  68. Hugely honest Luz – thank you for being so open about how you feel when you get into the ‘being right’ frenzy. I’m all too familiar with it, and whilst we’re not alone, it’s great that there is so much opportunity to step back, take a breath and consider what we are actually achieving or not achieving by being in so much reaction all the time. I would say it was all to our detriment.

  69. Luz, this is so relatable to me as well. I have let a lot of my reactions go now or should i say that I am less invested in my reactions but they still come up from time to time. It is so revealing to understand that we are covering up our deep hurts when we react in this controlling way and we are not expressing the gorgeousness we really are.

  70. This is such an awesome blog post Luz! As others have said, it’s so relatable. it’s like an illness, this need to be right, to show the way. it’s so arrogant. i know it all too well. I’m in the process of learning to accept people for where they are at, as well as accepting where I am in life and where my responsbility lies. All I need to keep remembering is that we are all equal, we’re just different shades of the same colour and so there really is never any need to be try to be better or less than another.

  71. The difference between truth and right is oceans apart, as you so correctly say while right may be the opposite of wrong, it’s simply a reaction to what shouldn’t be, where as the truth is reaction free and always comes with love, the truth sees that wrong and understands it and calls it for what it is, rather than countering it with an opposite.

  72. We can make a career out of being right. Yet, we never focus on how does this affects our movements and how damaging is to move in sync with the angst of controlling that everything is where we want it to be for us to walk with the illusion of going somewhere.

  73. In this blog I see a reflection of my own desire to ‘fix the world’ and put things right. But somehow it doesn’t work. What I now understand from the teachings Serge Benhayon has shared with us all is that there is a fundamental need to change the energy at source first. We have to work on the most basic of levels, the very choice of energy we make – and then from this foundation, life will also change. We can fight, campaign, war, challenge all we like, but if this is all done from the energy of seeking happiness or the like, it is destined to fail, because at this most basic of levels, our choice has not changed.

  74. As a school teacher I have perpetuated ‘being right’ was ‘important’ to gain the respect of others. As a parent we teach right and wrong to our children, and the education system continues to reinforce that behaviour is right or wrong, that opinions can be right or wrong and that decisions can be right or wrong. When we are hearing this all the time it makes sense why we grow up with ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ being what life is based on rather than TRUTH. The harm of this consciousness is unfathomable! Learning to let go of this pattern in my own life is allowing the space to bring a deeper understanding and love to myself and others. And as Richard says, ‘We have to work on the most basic of levels, the very choice of energy we make – and then from this foundation, life will also change.’

  75. I love the awareness you have come to around your behaviours so that you can heal what you have taken on through the power of discernment and understanding the harm you were doing in trying to be right. Being right is something many of us can fall for at great expense to what is actually true, so your sharing is an important lesson for all.

  76. Thank you for an awesome blog Luz. Finger pointing at others is just another red herring to keep us off track – a very effective form of distraction to keep ourselves blinded from seeing the truth.

  77. “I used to think that ‘working hard’ was a killer, now I know ‘reaction’ has been my true killer.” – Great point, the way we work and how we react to situations makes such as difference to our vitality and clarity. Serge Benhayon talks about being emotionally fit for life/ work and this is something that I think we certainly need to talk about more in our homes, schools and workplaces.

    1. So true, reacting and being emotional about things is so draining that once we know another way it is so not worth it anymore, yet one little slip up is enough and bang here we go, it feels awful in the body though.

  78. “I just got so used to sabotaging who I really was while defending something that wasn’t me, …”

    Isn’t it ridiculous? And yet that is exactly what I do a lot too – it so does not make sense, once we see it for what it is.

  79. Thank you Helena, profound sharing and very accurate. The sentence (quote) that captured my eyes is: ‘I can feel how I become a channel of an authoritarian and dictatorial force. Yes, horrible and ultimately ridiculous. ‘
    Simply because I have known and lived so as shared above. But living now more in authority of my honesty instead of escape, I am finding it more and more easy to discard the lies I have been living and see the energy that was behind my choices. Now learning that there is no right or wrong, no criticism therefore is real or needed.. and hence where I need to work on is allowing, accepting and appreciating. Again, I also would have not been able to come out of this strong behavior of protecting my hurt (of being not my true self) that I had continued for so long.. Hence, there is no such thing as coincidence, but the true matter that I was ready for a change.

  80. It is interesting how much energy we can put into needing to be right, imagine if we put this same effort and energy into being loving I am sure our lives would be very different and more harmonious.

  81. All the time we hold on to ideals and beliefs we have a need to go into reaction, because our expectations are not being met the way we want them to be.

  82. Being real with the hurts we feel is something every person on the planet must master. The hurts continue on and on even with the tiniest thing, but the trick is to know that those hurts are not who you truly are, and are but a shadow covering the joy and love that is naturally there.

  83. The trap of ‘when I get or do …then Ill be happy.’ It did keep me in the endless pursuit of the next thing, then the next thing etc. I’m so glad I have role models who I can see have joy in their lives everyday and that there is nothing to do or achieve to have that joy, just a willingness to connect to what is within. I’ve tried it for myself, and its definitely there. No more chasing.

  84. This is a very power-full blog Luz, as I relate to what you have shared about others and can feel that for me to feel the emotional issues in others that those emotions have to be in me, so I relate to; When I see that others behave out of control – let’s say they are unfair, arrogant, careless, competitive, lazy, narrow-minded, stubborn, egocentric, aggressive, etc. – my focus becomes THEM, I leave myself behind and get so obsessed with criticising, judging and complaining about them. I REACT. And in my reactions I can now feel how I was also in all you have shared so that the unfair, arrogant, careless, competitive, lazy, narrow-minded, stubborn, egocentric, aggressive, etc. would also play its part in my life.

  85. I smile as I read this blog, I smile because I can relate to having been like this in my life too, the patterns of being right and reacting to situations like you describe are ones I have chosen to let go of as they are not coming from and with love and serve no one.

  86. What you so truthfully share in this blog Luz I am sure resonates with many, arrogantly thinking we are right and have all the answers, that somehow we are fairer, but how frequently have our actions come from a reaction? Where is the love? ‘there is not an inch of LOVE underneath all these battles founded in the name of ‘justice’. I have only found very personal and egocentric intentions and a very hurt being. A being that forgot a long time ago what it is to truly feel JOY and express it from within.’

  87. Playing a victim of being right will rightly get us what we want. In this energy I have created the outcome if not initially, it will eventually be. You become so invested in it that it will manifest in your own eyes. As soon as you have it though it is not it. There is no joy or expansive feeling in my body. Being real, and honest, knowing I am only the way I feel and what I know. I have realised what I know is a lot and it is ‘my right’ or truth to live that and understand life is only what I have created. Things are , if I’m involved, my creation.

  88. Realising that endeavouring to convince another of ‘my truth’ that I am in fact imposing an ideal upon anther has been a big ouch to accept but one that has been very healing.

  89. It is a revelation to say that our reactions make us tired or exhausted. It offers a way forward that is through dedication to self rather than outside influences dominating every step.

  90. Luz this is a gem of a blog and I really enjoyed reading it. You describe this part of the human condition so well, I can certainly relate. I still find feeling I’m “right” insidiously there, there is always a rigidity and focusing on others being in the wrong. But once the conversation opens up and others share their side of how they’ve observed the situation it helps me to become more open, and in that I can discover the opportunities to heal and to grow that are hiding behind the facade of feeling right.

  91. The reactions to the world and as I’ve done you can build a whole world or life around then and justify every part of it. When it comes back to it, it comes back to how you are truly feeling and reactions can be outward or inward depending on your choice. The what you have reacted to is the key, the key to what you need to heal where your reaction lives. As has been said many time, life is a reflection and so when you use it as a mirror what do you see? We can only have regard over how we are, the true quality that we live and from this place everything else is taken care of.

  92. The need to be right is driven by an underlying lack, one that misunderstands that being right is a solution to cover an existing hurt. Being right is ultimately useless if all around us are harmed with our frustrations or reactions. Being true on the other hand offers both evolution.

  93. Holding onto being right is a sure-fire way to react. It also means we’re stuck in the thick of life and unable to read life – all rather exhausting.

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