The Power of ‘Sorry’

I always thought that saying sorry was an admission of failure and a weakness, something to be avoided at all costs and derided when others said it. This was definitely learnt and reinforced at home and school. So, as a child I became artful at avoiding saying sorry, mastering all sorts of defensive and deceitful strategies simply to not say sorry, admit defeat or have my pride dented in any way.

This pattern of behaviour was fully entrenched by the time I reached adulthood and I can think of numerous situations when a mistake I had made was exposed and I would go into full ducking and diving mode, working fast to devise a way to divert the problem onto someone or something else.

What is flashing up for me now as I write is that this is what led to, or founded, my mastery of shirking responsibility.

Quite recently I have re-explored this – asking myself some pertinent and important questions.

This has come about because I started to notice that I am now saying sorry with ease; that it feels great and very opening in the relationship with the person I am saying sorry to and that, instead of reducing me in shame, it is freeing me from patterns of self-criticism and self-loathing.

I have found there is no shame in saying sorry – no abject apologising that leaves me less than the person I am apologising to – simply honesty, which comes with the humbleness and willingness to learn from mistakes.

I no longer want to shirk responsibility. I no longer want to avoid saying sorry.

And whilst these may appear small changes in my life, they are part of a bigger picture that has come about as I have worked with The Way of The Livingness a way of life that empowers everyone to know that they are in their own driving seats, not only masters of their own lives but an integral, essential part of humanity and all of our wellbeing.

Inspired by Serge Benhayon, who introduced me to The Way of The Livingness 9 years ago. I had absolutely no idea how life-changing this was going to be. Simple and practical, the teachings have transformed every area of my life and for this I am hugely grateful.

By Matilda Bathurst, Registered Midwife & Nurse, Teacher and Mother of 3 boys, Hampshire, UK

Further Reading:
Reaction Vs Response
From Apologist to Confident
The need to Being Right

757 thoughts on “The Power of ‘Sorry’

  1. We all make mistakes, no perfection but a learning on offer. We are all aware of the sorry state of humanity and The Way of The Livingness presents a way for us all to heal and live in Brotherhood with each other.

  2. Matilda I hear you, sorry is a word that I used to cringe about. There was a pride or an arrogance within me and I believe I picked that up from my father in particularly. As you’ve already stated, there was this believe that it ‘was an admission of failure and a weakness’. I however, have also observed the other way round too, where people apologised constantly, it kind of feels like they are apologising for being around, for being in your space.

    When we are introduced to ‘The Way of the Livingness’, we realise there is more to life then what’s in front of us. It teaches us that everything is about a responsible way of living and that responsibility is in everything we do. Now that’s different to the old way of living…

  3. “The Way of The Livingness – a way of life that empowers everyone to know that they are in their own driving seats, not only masters of their own lives but an integral, essential part of humanity and all of our wellbeing.” – The Way of The Livingness is indeed an empowering experience to be lived each and every day.

  4. A true apology is followed by a lived action which shows one has truly understood what step up in responsibility was being shown so one can learn and grow and be the role model that we all are.

    1. Responsibility is important in our lives, ‘I have found there is no shame in saying sorry – no abject apologising that leaves me less than the person I am apologising to – simply honesty, which comes with the humbleness and willingness to learn from mistakes.’

    2. I agree Henrietta, when I make a mistake as such, I put the whole thing under a microscope and look at the scenario leading up to it. It gives me the opportunity to grow and learn from it, instead of blaming another. I take responsibility of my part that led me to that situation.

  5. There is a humbleness in learning to say sorry in a way that does not diminish the grandness of who we are and holds all as equals. We cannot put ourselves down with any apology for the apology is simply saying oops I did not live the all that I am but now I am.

    1. There is a humbleness and equalness in saying sorry in a true way, ‘I no longer want to shirk responsibility. I no longer want to avoid saying sorry.’

  6. Saying oops, and learning takes the relationship we have with our selves and true-responsibility to a deeper level as we re-learn to connect to our essences or Soul, as this is appreciation and we feel empowered that everything in life becomes a resource to deepen our relationship with our Soul-full-ness.

  7. ‘I always thought that saying sorry was an admission of failure and a weakness, something to be avoided at all costs and derided when others said it.’ Is not sorry an acceptance of humility and an acceptance that what occurred was less than loving on our part? It is that pride, that need to be individualistic, that need to be right that gets in the way of truly being open to what is before us. We may choose to call it weak but that is simply a protection against feeling our vascular contraction.

  8. I found the same liberation in being able to admit that I don’t know everything. When I didn’t know something I had mastered being able to appear that I had everything under control. It’s lovely to admit this now and ask for support from others.

  9. What an illusion we are in to try to be perfect and never admit fragility, we are always growing and learning and that is actually a beautiful thing.

  10. I was the complete opposite in that I would say sorry the whole time … sorry for existing. I would even say sorry to my boss at the time before asking them a question about work or a job I was doing. It was very debilitating and also maybe awkward or irritating for those around me. However through the support of Universal Medicine and loving me more this is no longer a thing. I have more body confidence and love for me than ever before. What I came to see though in reading your blog is that people might be on the complete opposite of the spectrum (like we were with saying sorry) but when we make it about true love and healing everything is brought back to harmony and an equilibrium to a point that neither of us have a problem or issue with the word sorry.

  11. When we used the word sorry from our heart and with absolute honesty it can be very powerful. And on the flip side, have you ever felt sometimes this word can come with an emptiness when it is expressed? 

  12. When we are transparent and open with others we can apologize in a true way, and know there is no perfection needed, only an honesty to see we are all equal and we are all learning in life.

    1. Very well said Anna, this is so true and it is supportive to express from a true way. But if we apologise with guilt, shame or in a reaction then it can have a harmful effect as this stops us from learning and it can erode our self-worth and confidence.

  13. I would like to say sorry to humanity, my brothers, for not listening to what I know in leading The Way with regard, and exquisitely reflecting the power of love we all hold equally within.

  14. I have a manager who is very quick to say sorry if they have any part in things ‘going wrong’. I feel this is very important for team members to see. They see the humbleness, imperfection, lack of need to be right and care for how others feel. It means bad feelings that could have carried over and festered are dropped. So I agree, sorry, when genuine is very powerful.

  15. I’ve always been kind of the opposite – and apologising too much, the slightest thing and I would apologise – almost like I was apologising for my existence. So I’ve had to work on always being humble and apologising when I’m wrong but not apologising for who I am.

    1. And what an awful way to live when we see ourselves or others as lesser, diminishing the natural amazing beings that we are. But to turn this around is super powerful for it asks us to recognise that if we have made a mistake it is the action that is the error and not who we are that is the error, and that the error occurred simply because we were not chooseing to be all we are. So really the apology should be to ourselves to say ‘I am so sorry that I was not living all that I am’. Hence was is needed is never really an apology of what we have done but rather an apology of not having lived who we truly are. For when we live who we truly are, then we are always in consideration of ourselves and others and holding all with equal love.

  16. The power lies in our honesty to recognise our actions for the truth or not and the expression of nominating them for what they are.

    1. I agree Esther, I have found when I express from absolute honesty, there is no apologies required, I find this is deeply healing.

    2. Beautifully said Esther – Power does lie in our honesty to recognise our actions for the truth and the expression of nominating them – and in addition I would say to then live what one has recognised completes the learning.

  17. The power of saying sorry is very humbling where everyone gets a blessing because when sincerely expressed, the power of saying sorry breaks down those invisible barriers of protection, and when they come down, both parties involved have the opportunity to let each other fully in.

    1. There is a decency, respect and consideration that is healing to experience when we can genuinely say we are sorry.

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