I always thought that saying sorry was an admission of failure and a weakness, something to be avoided at all costs and derided when others said it. This was definitely learnt and reinforced at home and school. So, as a child I became artful at avoiding saying sorry, mastering all sorts of defensive and deceitful strategies simply to not say sorry, admit defeat or have my pride dented in any way.
This pattern of behaviour was fully entrenched by the time I reached adulthood and I can think of numerous situations when a mistake I had made was exposed and I would go into full ducking and diving mode, working fast to devise a way to divert the problem onto someone or something else.
What is flashing up for me now as I write is that this is what led to, or founded, my mastery of shirking responsibility.
Quite recently I have re-explored this – asking myself some pertinent and important questions.
This has come about because I started to notice that I am now saying sorry with ease; that it feels great and very opening in the relationship with the person I am saying sorry to and that, instead of reducing me in shame, it is freeing me from patterns of self-criticism and self-loathing.
I have found there is no shame in saying sorry – no abject apologising that leaves me less than the person I am apologising to – simply honesty, which comes with the humbleness and willingness to learn from mistakes.
I no longer want to shirk responsibility. I no longer want to avoid saying sorry.
And whilst these may appear small changes in my life, they are part of a bigger picture that has come about as I have worked with The Way of The Livingness – a way of life that empowers everyone to know that they are in their own driving seats, not only masters of their own lives but an integral, essential part of humanity and all of our wellbeing.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon, who introduced me to The Way of The Livingness 9 years ago. I had absolutely no idea how life-changing this was going to be. Simple and practical, the teachings have transformed every area of my life and for this I am hugely grateful.
By Matilda Bathurst, Registered Midwife & Nurse, Teacher and Mother of 3 boys, Hampshire, UK