Recently, I had a moment where I realised that I have not truly stopped to feel the enormity of life, my life and myself.
I have not stopped to feel how far I have come with my personal growth and how I now feel my life is nothing short of absolutely amazing. Everything that I am and all that I have is a blessing. My life being a blessing is a reflection of the daily choices that I have made. I have made loving choices that are supportive of me and everyone and everything around me.
Looking back on my past I could see and feel how much I lived in disregard, with no consideration for how my choices were affecting me, my body, my life or those who came into contact with me.
I was not aware nor was I at all present with how my daily choices were impacting on my body. Yes, I was unwell, but so were a lot of other people; it appeared to be the way of life. You got an ache, an illness here or there, you had a drama or three every day just to keep you on your toes.
I began to question if this was truly how life was meant to be.
After having my first esoteric healing session with Serge Benhayon, I quickly realised that:
- NO, life certainly was not meant to be this way – that is, with continuous drama and feeling unwell.
- I was creating the ills in my life, my relationships and in my body.
- My life was the way it was through my own choices.
I had to take responsibility for the way my life was. It took some time and a level of honesty from me in allowing myself to feel the devastation of what I had created.
I discovered that choosing what I wanted to feel, controlling the hurt so it did not sting too much, was not a supportive way to live life. I had to allow myself to feel the hurt and all that came with that in order to allow a full and true healing to occur.
The hurt only hurt when I tried to avoid it; not letting myself feel everything that was there to be felt was actually more harmful. So I began the long process of letting go, feeling the consequences of my daily choices and all that came with them. At first it was not easy; I resisted, made excuses and even lied to myself about how great I was doing.
Initially I set a marker for myself that was actually way below how truly amazing I naturally am. When I reached the marker I believed I was doing well and moving forward, when in actual fact I was not doing it at all – I was measuring and controlling the pain and disappointment. I had chosen to set my marker lower so that I could choose to remain in and be surrounded by areas of comfort that would not expose my deeper hurts. The hurts that stopped me from shining and being all that I truly am.
How much of me am I willing to…
- connect to,
- remain in connection with,
- commit myself to, and
- commit my way of living and daily choices to,
… in order for me to be in a way that is of true service for humanity?
I was willing to do the esoteric healing courses, retreats, presentations and attend abundant sessions with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, but just attending and partaking: then I realised partaking was not enough. I had to be prepared to go deeper, to look at the bigger picture, to be completely willing and wholeheartedly open to doing whatever it took for me to heal my hurts and therefore shine.
Letting go of the non-supportive comforts of life that hold me back has been a test to my level of commitment to humanity. I have found that we often love our non-supportive comfort, in whatever form we can get it. Whether it be eating foods that are heavy or sweet, which dull or stimulate the body, to acting a certain way with friends and family just to feel accepted. Un-supportive comfort can be lots of things, for me; it is using things and being in a certain way that leaves me feeling unchallenged, or does not ask me to be all of myself.
In many forms and vices, no-one is exempt from having non-supportive comfort in their life, big, small, obvious or subtle, and when the comfort is exposed it can be raw, often painful… We tend to protect and justify it with a fight to the end. We want to hold onto this type of comfort in any way we can, even if it is only by a thread.
In the past, I chose to do and eat things that kept me feeling lethargic, heavy, racy and not supportive to my body. The daily choices that I make now involve not overeating or overdoing it when my body is feeling tired, honouring what my body is capable of – for example carrying groceries a few bags at a time instead of pushing myself to carry them all at once – and being myself around others without fear of not being liked or accepted. I am no longer attached to or have an expectation of how I think my life should look; instead I am being open to what is needed, what is loving and supportive.
So For Me… it is time to let go of the comforts I have chosen to support me in coasting through life, unchallenged and unexposed, and that have kept me less than who I truly am. Time for me to stand up, claimed in the love and light that I am and to shine for all the world to see.
I have chosen to start being honest about why I needed to eat particular foods: was I feeling tired and that is why I reached for something sweet or stimulating… or was I feeling down so chose to go shopping to make myself feel better? Being honest about what I was feeling I could begin to heal any hurts that I had buried by using life and all that life had to offer as a distraction from myself.
The level of appreciation I felt a few days ago left me pondering:
- Why do I not do this every day, every second of my life?
- On how easy it is, and
- That it is there for me to see and feel whenever I so choose.
I can see that my life is now amazing and I fully appreciate how supportive my daily choices are. All that I now am is a testimony of the livingness that I have chosen to commit to, with the support and inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Nicole Serafin, Age 42 years, Tintenbar, NSW
The Truth about Serge Benhayon 
Nicole it was great to read this blog again especially these two statements. “I was creating the ills in my life, my relationships and in my body” and “my life was the way it was through my own choices”. It made me ponder on where I am situated in my life and the choices I make are the result of the way I am living. It’s kind of a perpetuating cycle and somewhere along the way we make a decision to break this cycle. Otherwise you might as well be that rodent that goes round and round in a wheel of going no where.
Somewhere along our pathway, honesty and responsibility has to take precedence if we choose to make a difference to our own lives. And there are times letting go of control is not as much as it seems. It is far easier than being and staying in our own misery.
I’m glad that I took the steps to changing my life. I thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for presenting another way of living. It feels so much truer than my former ways and years, pretending that everything was ok when it was the opposite.
My life has changed since being inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and I love reading these blogs. Each are inspiring to read and, observing how it has helped another allows oneself to review where the hidden comforts are.
These two statements caused an ouch within me, “I was creating the ills in my life, my relationships and in my body; my life was the way it was through my own choices”. They were a great reminder that I am what I am through my own creation through the choices I have made. And when I have reviewed this through a microscope, it feels a refinement is needed. Nothing arduous, just an observation to take stock and make a choice as to whether I continue my merry old way, or time for something new. Now that’s loving for yourself.
Reading my own comment is a marker as to where I am in my life but also those around me. And since I wrote this comment, the refinement continues and there is more to let go of hurts and control.
You get to love life from a different angle now and being super honest is the key of being held by my hurts and conditions.
I feel these are points we all, humanity, greatly need to be reminded of:
* NO, life certainly was not meant to be this way – that is, with continuous drama and feeling unwell.
* I was creating the ills in my life, my relationships and in my body.
* My life was the way it was through my own choices.
Bringing it right back to responsibility and of course choices and the choices we are constantly making.
That’s a big word, responsibility. When we look around us and the world, responsibility isn’t high in many people’s awareness and think it’s some one else’s. It was an opinion I used to carry once upon a time. Till one day I had to look within my own life and I realised that something had to give, and that was me. My life took a turn a round when I became responsible for my own life instead of it being someone else’s responsibility.
Live from responsibility and life is very much different then being ignorant of it.
You have given me a new word Nicole
We all have the ‘non-supportive comforts’ of life that are our personally go to’s which as you say leave us then unchallenged which means that life is dull and something to be got through rather than something that we could actually enjoy. Imagine waking up with joy in our hearts every day that would bound to have an impact on everyone’s life.
Our choices, in how we react or take responsibility are key in determining the outcomes in life. When we react and go into a drama we distract ourselves from what is truly needed and the level of love and support that abounds to help us with each situation that arises. But as we learn to be and observe each situation then we learn to feel our way through each moment and bring more love. Thus the blessing in life is not what does to does not happen but rather in how we are with what does or does not happen.
Nicole I love how you have shared that life can indeed go from a series of dramas and problems to being simple and full and loving – perhaps not from one day to the next but with the consistency of building on a life that is steady and loving and giving oneself permission to let go of the drama knowing there is indeed a different way to be and live.
It is certainly an interesting moment when we realise that life does not need to be a big drama and that we do not have to play the drama queen.
It is important to heal our hurts, ‘The hurt only hurt when I tried to avoid it; not letting myself feel everything that was there to be felt was actually more harmful.’
“My life was the way it was through my own choices” Understanding this we have the power to change and by reflection the power to change the world we live in.
So much of life is consumed by those things that distract us from our essences and most of these things I used to say I love doing but being in or returning to our essences changes things, as now I can still feel how I used to love lets say my beer but it now comes with an understand of the energy I had to be in to drink a toxic beverages and I am learning to hate that energy as part of my healing as it is not from my True-essence.
‘When the comfort is exposed it can be raw, often painful… We tend to protect and justify it with a fight to the end’ – I can so relate to this. Comfort comes in various forms as long as it does not challenge or ask us to be more as long as it keeps us small and compacted and even struggle is preferred to expansion.The one that exposed recently for me was how I was using hurt and reaction to blind myself from what a situation was offering, which was basically exposing an ideal I had been holding, and it took me a little while to be humble and go ‘I get it.’
‘The hurt only hurt when I tried to avoid it; not letting myself feel everything that was there to be felt was actually more harmful.’ I’ve tried both ways of living – avoiding hurts and feeling them. The latter doesn’t exhaust me, but brings me great clarity and understanding of others and myself; I get to connect with the depth of love that’s within.
I came back to this blog because yesterday a group of us got to feel just how much we have changed over the years since attending the events of Universal Medicine it is actually quite incredible the changes and difference we can feel in ourselves and see in each other. Gone are the days of living in the disregard of the bad choices we were choosing that not only affected ourselves but everyone around us such as family, friends and work colleagues. Relearning how to take back self responsibility has been the key to this unfolding way of life.
I had no idea how dishonouring and self-abusive I was to myself and therefore all others in my life. This for example was never discussed at any time in all the years of psychotherapy. Yet when I started to attend the presentations and workshops of Serge Benhayon it was at the forefront of all that was shared.
Learning to respect and honour myself has been a long hard road just because there was so much self -abuse to clear. As I worked on this I started to make loving choices that support me and everyone and everything around me. This is such a beautiful way to live as the responsibility and desire to live this way comes naturally.
Awesome Nicola.”My life being a blessing is a reflection of the daily choices that I have made. ”
This take it back to the simple fact we make our life what it is.
Being honest with ourselves as to why we make the choices we do plus appreciating our willingness to be honest supports us to see all that we do and bring to everyday. Without appreciation we are at the mercy of seeing ourselves for being less, when there is nothing further from the truth.
Being honest with ourselves is essential if we want to leave behind old harming behaviours, ‘I have chosen to start being honest about why I needed to eat particular foods: was I feeling tired and that is why I reached for something sweet or stimulating… or was I feeling down so chose to go shopping to make myself feel better? Being honest about what I was feeling I could begin to heal any hurts that I had buried by using life and all that life had to offer as a distraction from myself.’
It’s quite a pull up even though it’s written as an honest expression of your own experiences. There is so much on offer here, including those little crossroads we face multiple times every day, to be honest and stay with how we feel, or reach for unsupportive comforts like food and continue repeating the daily cycle with the same hurts lodged in our bodies. “I had to allow myself to feel the hurt and all that came with that in order to allow a full and true healing to occur….. The hurt only hurt when I tried to avoid it; not letting myself feel everything that was there to be felt was actually more harmful.”
Whether or not we have appreciated what we have and how far we have come, life and everything that happens is to evolve us. We can either resist the learning on offer, placing huge pressure on our bodies as a result, or surrender to it, learn and grow- and learn to feel at ease with learning along the way.
It’s the surrender that’s key isn’t it Bryony, and trusting whatever process we are in is there to evolve us.
You speak also for me when you say “I can see that my life is now amazing and I fully appreciate how supportive my daily choices are.”
Simple how divinity is always there to make choices that help evolve us.
We are very poor at acknowledging the changes we make in our lives, as we grow up we tend to focus on all of the negative sides and the things that we’re not so good at. But as we grow from children to teenagers to adults and then into our elderly years, our life is full of lessons and beautiful moments. Moments which perhaps we don’t see because we are so wrapped up in the negativity and out of control thoughts.
” Being honest about what I was feeling I could begin to heal any hurts that I had buried by using life and all that life had to offer as a distraction from myself.” When we start to observe and get honest with ourselves its amazing the amount of healing that can offer – a way back to love and truth.
“I was creating the ills in my life, my relationships and in my body.
My life was the way it was through my own choices.”
Once we can truly accept that we are responsible for not only the choices we make but the end result that we live with, then we will begin to make the necessary changes, many of which take us out of our comfort zone, a comfort we have created to not feel the responsibility we have to live our lives in a glorious way. I know for myself the more I build a true foundation, a foundation that confirms who I am, then I can begin to appreciate myself fully, not in a ra ra type of way, but a deep contentment that says this is me and this is what I bring to the world.
Very true Alison. Taking responsibility for all the choices we make on a daily basis can make a huge difference to life – as we begin to live a more purpose-full life. And appreciation is key – without comparison with those who have walked a few steps ahead of us.
We seek comfort to cushion ourselves from the blows of the world not realising that the very comfort we seek to escape from it all is the very structure that imprisons us to such a degree we do not even know the fortress we have chosen.
Liane what you have written is very true, for most of us we do not have any idea of the fortress we have chosen to live in as it was chosen lifetimes ago now we are so saturated by the comfort it has become a second skin. It is not until there is a calamity which rocks the foundations of the fortress do we have any notion of the prison we have imprisoned ourselves in.
Well said Liane – we choose to enter the prison and hate how restricted we feel and dislike the fact that we have turned our back on true freedom, but over time we come to forget the freedom we could have and become more settled in the prison feeling it is not so bad after all. And then we start to defend the prison justifying that it is providing us with food and shelter etc. All this in a huge effort to deny our own power and responsibility that sits there waiting for us to simply return to claim it.
Really great to read this at this time for me. I’ve come to learn that so much in life has been set up to distract from how amazing we already are on the inside. And the fact that I am no longer wanting to keep myself distracted (not perfect) is worth celebrating.
I deeply appreciate myself for the enfolding to open up for love.
Today my day was full with deepening connections with people. And to appreciate the deepening and surrendering more to myself which is directly reflected back on the connections I made.
“The hurt only hurt when I tried to avoid it; not letting myself feel everything that was there to be felt was actually more harmful.” This is a very beautiful and helpful reminder to not avoid what one truly feels in every moment.
Our life is the way it is due to our choices and coming to accept this is a huge step in taking responsibility for ourselves which supports us to make new and more supportive choices
Absolutely Elizabeth, bringing back responsibility for our life and our choices is imperative, ‘Looking back on my past I could see and feel how much I lived in disregard, with no consideration for how my choices were affecting me, my body, my life or those who came into contact with me.’
In contrast, when we make loving supportive choices we can turn our life around, ‘I can see that my life is now amazing and I fully appreciate how supportive my daily choices are.’